The Key to My Heart
by JadeHeart
Summary: Just how far would Yuki go in search of Shuichi?
1. Chapter 1

Title: The Key to My Heart: Chapter 1

Author: JadeHeart

Located/Archived: Found on & If anyone else would like it, please ask me first

Fandom: Gravitation

Rating: M

Warnings: Bad language/sexual innuendo

Summary: Just how far would Yuki go in search of Shuichi?

**Disclaimer: **I do not own any of the characters in this, they belong to the creators of 'Gravitation', nor am I making any profits from this.

Chapter 1

Yuki pulled into the parking space with a squeal of rubber.

Damn meetings, he thought to himself, as he angrily pulled the park brake on. The radio murmured in the background as he reached across to snag his coat. Another bloody editing meeting! Don't they think he knows how to write his own god-damn books by now!

The music ceased as he opened his door.

'We interrupt here to bring you a news breaking report. Word has just been received that flight…' the sounds stopped as Yuki pulled the key and swung his tall frame out of the car and stalked away, still thinking dark thoughts.

Bloody early morning meetings! They knew he wasn't a morning person, as most of the time he was pulling all-nighters on his books to meet their deadlines! His phone buzzed again, the vibration running up his leg. Damn thing had been going almost constantly, and it was really beginning to piss him off! Angrily, he stalked inside to begin his day.

The door swung shut behind him. He stood outside the building and lit up a cigarette. The meeting had been just as boring and pointless as he had predicted. He had tuned out for most of it, and found his mind wandering to thoughts of his partner.

Shuichi had left late last night for a promo trip to the USA. He was only going to be gone a week, but it was to help promote Bad Luck further, with the view of running a live tour across the country next year if the feedback was good. It would be a big break for them. The boy had been overly enthusiastic, so much so that he had completely driven Yuki mad by the last night, and been banished to sleeping on the lounge, much to his dismay.

That alone had then put Yuki in a bad mood, as on their last day together they were both so busy they didn't spend any time together at all, and then K had picked Shuichi up to take him to the airport, and Yuki had had no intention of accompanying them. Three's a crowd and that sort of stuff. He may be a lot more comfortable in showing his feelings towards Shuichi personally, but in front of people like K, he felt they were viewing him more as an interesting exhibit of gay love or something. Something about that man just really rubbed Yuki up the wrong way.

So instead of a nice couple of days spent together before Shuichi left, it had been more of a complete whirlwind and lost opportunities. Yuki was still in a bad mood from it, but he still couldn't help his mind thinking about his young partner and wondering how he was doing. At the earliest possible moment, he had stood and rudely ended the meeting, escaping the meaningless prattle.

He took a moment to savour the cigarette, before leisurely strolling over to his car, shrugging out of his coat, and clicking the central locking. He tossed the coat in and felt the phone go again. Damn thing! He reached in and pulled it out, and without looking at it, carelessly tossed it onto the passenger seat. Not many people had his number, and he was damned if he was interested in talking to any of them at the moment.

And if it was Shuichi, well, he's probably left some tender lovey-dovey sappy message for him – and that was better to listen to in the privacy of his own home, perhaps even in bed. Just the mere thought was enough to make his pulse race a little.

Enough, he thought, as he got in and started the engine. Gods, he needed a coffee. The stuff they gave him at the meeting was crap! He merged with the morning traffic and headed for his favourite café. As he parked on the corner, the aroma wafted to him, assaulting his senses. Ah, that smelt good!

He grabbed his coat, but left his phone behind. This was his time, for himself, and he had no intention of being interrupted by the blasted phone!

He settled down at an outside table, coat thrown over the other chair. His order soon arrived with the morning paper, and Yuki settled back comfortably, cigarette between his fingers. The warmth of the morning sun put even him into a better frame of mind.

As he finished up, he glanced at this watch. Better go. He had said he'd meet Tatsuha for brunch. Neither brother was a morning person so they never did breakfast, and because of that they would rarely do lunch. So brunch it was.

He dropped the required payment on the table and wandered back to his car, pausing to light up another cigarette before getting in. Curious really, he seemed to smoke more when Shuichi wasn't around. Probably because the kid wasn't there to constantly distract him! He shrugged the thought away and started the car.

The news was just beginning on the radio as he found himself caught in a line of traffic. Damn! Now what?

"…and again, the ground breaking news for today. Flight number…"

Yuki hit the window control and it rolled down, letting in the full force of the noise of the road-works, as drills and jackhammers pounded away, drowning out all other sound.

He leant his head out, looking forward. Oh, great! Stuck in bloody traffic! He frowned. He wasn't exactly the most patient person at the best of times, and Yuki didn't have too many 'best of times'! And this certainly wasn't one of them!

He looked around him, taking note of where he was, as the traffic crawled forward a little further. Yep, he was right, there it was. Great. He swung the wheel and cut dangerously close in front of the oncoming traffic to slip down a narrow side street. It was mainly used for loading and unloading to the shops on either side, not usually for general traffic. Yuki had discovered it a while ago. He now navigated it easily and came out a block away, before continuing on his way.

He wound the window up again, blocking out the external noise and smells. The music on the radio had gone to pop, and Yuki recognized the tune immediately. It was Rage Beat.

He turned up the volume immediately. This song brought back many memories for him. If he was to be really corny, he would have to call it 'their song' - he and Shuichi's. It was this song that had been there right at the start. All through their tumultuous initial meetings and developing relationship.

Yuki wasn't a great fan of the general pop music culture, but he always found himself unconsciously listening to Bad Luck's songs. Not just because his partner was Shuichi, but probably because every song had a memory attached for him. A time spent with Shuichi. Individual moments when his life had changed.

The song was nearing its end as he pulled into a parking spot near where he would meet Tatsuha. He had been bloody lucky in finding a spot in this area of town so close to where he was going. He turned the volume down as he maneuvered the car, and the radio announcer came back on.

"Reports are still coming in with regards to the death toll, as the numbers climb. Emergency contacts are still being made regarding the identification of victims for flight.."

Yuki switched off the ignition and locked the car, before setting off. He only had two blocks to walk so it wasn't far. He could soon see Tatsuha's dark head propped in his hands, elbows leaning on the table, as he animatedly chatted to a pretty redhead.

Yuki grimaced. Typical. His horny brother couldn't help but pick up a girl wherever he went. And not just girls. He continued approaching. Suppose it's not really Tatsuha's fault. His kid brother was damn good looking and had the charm, when he wanted to use it. Probably came from all the training to be a monk, exuding that sense of calm, reassuring confidence that immediately attracted people. Especially women.

"Hey," Yuki said as he stopped at the table. Two faces swiveled upwards to look at him.

"Hey, bro." Tatsuha said with a broad smile of welcome.

The girl's eyes widened as she took in Yuki's golden good looks, and her mouth opened in a small gasp of "Oh!". She flicked a glance towards Tatsuha, and then back to Yuki, obviously making the connection immediately that they were brothers. No two people could look this good, and alike, if they weren't related.

"Sorry, love," Yuki said bluntly, "but I've got a prior appointment with my brother, and you're not invited. So you'll have to excuse yourself."

"Oh, but.."

"Better do what he ways." Tatsuha said with a gentle smile, softening the impact of Yuki's words. "Give me your number." and he pushed a napkin towards her.

She hurriedly scribbled down her number, hand beginning to shake a little with nerves as Yuki's shadow loomed over her. She pushed the napkin back to Tatsuha and quickly stood, shooting an unsure glance at Yuki's bland face. Tatsuha also stood, and reached out to squeeze her hand.

"Don't worry. He's not as bad as he seems, but we do have things to do. It was great talking to you. Thanks." and with a bright smile he sent the girl on her way.

Yuki sat in the chair she had vacated, as his brother reseated himself.

"You really could try to be more pleasant, you know." Tatsuha said, laughter in his voice.

"Why? You're the one trying to get into her pants."

"That's because I'm not whipped like you are, dear bro."

Yuki glowered at him as he lit a cigarette, tossing the packet on the table. "You want a bloody nose?"

"Nah." Tatsuha reached for the cigarettes himself. "Wouldn't want you to mess up my good looks. Got a hot lunch date."

"Humph!"

"So how's the USA tour thing going?" Yuki shrugged. "Haven't you heard?"

"He only left last night."

"Oh, yeah. Suppose he'd only be just settling in."

"Shuichi had arranged to meet up with Ryuichi somewhere along the way, I think."

"Hey, you never told me that!"

"Why should I?"

"Damn you, Eiri! You know I like Ryuichi!"

"Can't help your unrequited lust, can I?"

"Ahem." a small cough above them signaled the arrival of the waiter, and they placed their order.

Tatsuha yawned.

"Out late again?" Yuki said, leaning back.

Tatsuha flashed him a devastating smile, a smile that had laid low many a woman, and man. Fortunately Yuki was completely immune to its effect. "Met a very rich lady last night."

"Obviously a bored married woman."

"Of course, but she's so rich she can have all the body work done she needs and wants, so she looks bloody fantastic."

"And every part of her is probably completely fake. You may as well screw a mannequin."

"Plastic dolls don't squirm like that. Even better, she's been so bored that she's willing to try anything. And I mean, anything."

"Humph." Yuki snorted as he stubbed out his cigarette. "That would suit your perverted tastes."

Tatsuha just continued smiling. "I just like trying something new. Experimenting, you know."

"You're such a horny little bastard. You're going to get yourself killed by a jealous husband one day. Or one of your conquests will realize just how much you've been playing the field, and cut off something you wouldn't want to lose."

"Don't even joke about that!" Tatsuha blanched a little at that thought.

"Why not? As a monk, being a eunuch should be perfect."

"Just because Shuichi's away and you're not getting any, don't take it out on me."

"Whatever." Yuki said off handedly as the food arrived, and they settled down to eat.

"Got to go." Tatsuha said, looking at his watch and standing.

"How are you going to have a lunch date after scoffing all that down?" Yuki asked, peering over the top of his sunglasses at his brother.

Tatsuha smiled broadly with a, what could only be called 'evil', glint in his eye. "Who said anything about food being part of it? I just had to make sure I have heaps of energy."

"Get lost then."

Tatsuha laughed and reached down to snag the packet of cigarettes. "Get yourself some more. See ya."

"Yeah, whatever."

Yuki sat there a little longer, smoking the last of his cigarettes and sipping his coffee. The shadows moved towards the afternoon. He looked at his watch. It showed 1.30pm.

He stubbed out the cigarette and went in to pay the bill. Tatsuha had stuck him with it again. How typical. He had a few things he still wanted to do today. He'd stop off at the shops on his way home. He wanted to get another suit for when he had to do interviews, as the one he currently had was getting on a bit, and then grab some groceries.

He stepped into the car and eased into the traffic. He would have to go right round the block as it was all one way around here, which made driving quite painful.

"Shit!" he shouted, and leant on the horn as an idiot cut directly in front of him, causing him to yank the wheel hard to the right to avoid his bumper bearing the brunt of the impact.

"Fucking moron!" he shouted futilely, fuming to himself, trying to straighten up and get back to the business of driving. The music on the radio leapt into a high pitched girl band, irritating him further. Angrily he hit the off switch and there was silence.

He continued on his way and finally reached the parking complex. He picked up the previously discarded phone and put it in his pocket. He fought his way through the shopping crowds. He hated being amongst these milling masses.

He got to the menswear store he wanted, a high class expensive place no less. One thing Yuki had always been particular about was his clothes. He took his time in selecting and trying on items. They knew him here, and did not hassle him into buying anything, but left him to his own devices which suited him fine.

Finally he had what he wanted. A suit, as well as two new shirts, and a casual pair of trousers. The suit required some minor alterations, which he impatiently tolerated as they measured and pinned. He paid the bill, agreeing to return in two days time to collect the altered suit, and left with his other purchases packed in a bag.

He made his way towards the supermarket, wanting to just get out as quickly as possible and get home. As he walked past a jeweller's store, something caught his eye. He stopped, and looked more closely.

It was a gold necklace. Two pendants hung from it, a small unadorned heart, and a small key. How clichéd, he thought. You hold the key to my heart, is what it was trying to imply. Even he could figure that one out. He snorted to himself. Pathetic.

He turned away, then paused midstep. However, it was just the sort of thing that Shuichi would love. He'd be so proud of having it. Yuki could just picture him posing, holding the necklace up. "Oh, Yuki! You shouldn't have! It's wonderful!" Then he'd throw his arms around Yuki, squeezing him tightly. "I love it! Look, it fits perfectly, don't you think so?"

Yuki walked away firmly. Damn brat! He always made such a big deal out of things when there was no need. Well, it wasn't his birthday, nor was it Christmas. Damned if he was going to spend that much money on such a trifle like that, for no particular reason. He continued resolutely on his way.

As he stood at the register, he felt the phone buzz again. Damn, but it had been going almost non-stop all day! Stupid thing! He continued to ignore it. He'd clear the messages when he got home, that was soon enough.

He juggled the bags onto the back seat and got in his car. He fought his way back into the traffic. It was getting heavier as it neared the end of the day and people were starting to make their way home. He should just miss the worst of it all. He flicked the radio on, keeping it turned down so it was nothing more than background noise, his mind paying little attention to it.

The phone went again. He had forgotten to take it out of his pocket. The vibrations were close to his groin, sending shivers up his spine. His brother would no doubt have come up with some sort of disgusting sexual comment about that. Typical.

He arrived home in good time and gathered up his parcels, making his way to his apartment. He opened the door, toeing his shoes off and dropping his coat casually on the hall table. He leant down and flicked the TV on as he made his way to the kitchen.

"And now for the latest update of today's headline news of the crash in the USA of Flight number 365 from Japan."

Yuki froze, and slowly turned.

The news reader was there on the screen. "We cross now to the location for a report from our on the spot correspondent."

The picture changed. Now there was a woman on the screen. Behind her was smoking, flaming wreckage. Emergency personnel rushed around in the background.

"Here at the crash site, it's still a scene of chaos. It looks more like a war zone, and the devastation is immense. The fires have been burning since early this morning, giving off intense heat, as though we were standing by a volcano. There is still no clue as to the cause of the crash, and investigations are still underway. Flight 365 was on a routine flight from Japan, and there had been no indication of any problems being experienced, until radar contact was lost early this morning. We have received word that there have been a few survivors, but how many has not been made clear. Our sources indicate that it is no more than a handful, out of the more than 200 people on board. The grisly task of collecting the victims' remains from the site for identification, has been hampered due to the still burning wreckage."

The shopping slipped from Yuki's hands, crashing to the ground. He was heedless of the broken glass and pooling liquid at his feet, eyes fixed on the TV before him.

"Airlines staff are attempting to contact next of kin for all passengers on the manifest, and if you have any concerns please contact the information line on your screen."

Yuki fumbled his phone from his pocket. He turned it on and the screen told him that there were more than 20 calls. Clinically, he noticed his hands were shaking as he dialed into the message bank.

"Yuki!" Hiro, Yuki identified the voice. "Where the hell are you! Is Shuichi alright? I just head the news report. Call me."

That had been first thing this morning. Probably when I was going to my meeting, he thought absently, as it moved automatically to the next message.

"Yuki, you bastard! Call me! Tell me if you've heard from Shuichi!" Hiro again.

"Eiri, I've just heard the news. Are you okay? Did Shuichi go on that flight? Have you heard anything? Let me know." Mika.

"Yuki! I'm going to kill you if you don't tell me something, you prick!" Hiro. His tempers degenerating, Yuki noted.

"Eiri, I knew Shuichi was flying out last night. I've had a call from the airline. It was to confirm that he had got on the plane. They wouldn't tell me anything else because you're listed as the contact name. Call me." Tohma.

Next were calls from Sakano and Fujisaki, closely followed by Noriko, and then Shuichi's sister, Maiko. Even that maniac, K, had called. A couple of official calls from the airline, asking him to contact them urgently, telling him nothing,

"Hey, bro!" Tatsuha, he recognized, though the voice sounded almost too serious to be his brother. "I just caught the news. You didn't say anything at brunch. Guess that means you had heard from Shuichi and he was okay. I'm glad about that. I panicked when I first heard it, but you wouldn't have been so calm if something had happened to Shu. So I'm just glad. Anyway, just wanted to say I'm pleased he's okay. He's got to have nine lives, doesn't he? Catch you later."

A few more calls followed, mostly from Hiro, alternating between threatening and pleading. The last one almost sounded like the boy was in tears.

So many calls, but none, not one, was the voice he so desperately wanted to hear, needed to hear, hoped to hear. Not one.

He eyes burnt, as he stumbled towards the house phone. The light was blinking, indicating messages waiting. With shaking hand, he pressed the playback. They were much the same people, all asking the same thing. Where was Shuichi? Was he okay? Two questions Yuki's own mind was screaming repeatedly. But there was no answer.

Again , none was the cheerful voice he was so desperately seeking, saying something totally inane like, "Hi, Yuki! Hey, don't sweat it. I'm okay. Would you believe I missed the damn plane! I got lost at the stop-over. The LA airport was huge! You should have seen it...".

There was no call like that. After the messages were finished, there was only silence. A deep, suffocating silence that closed in around him, cutting off sight and sound.

He dialed the number the airline had left him. "Airline Crisis Line"

"I'm looking for someone." Yuki said flatly.

"Are you a family member?"

Yuki paused. "I'm his…partner."

"I'm sorry, but only family are being notified…."

Yuki interrupted, his voice cold, dead, and dangerous. "You people contacted me, and told me to ring this number. Now give me the fucking information."

"Really, sir…." the operator huffed.

"Fucking tell me!" he shouted into the phone, feeling the rage pounding in his temples.

"Please give me the passenger's name, and your name."

Yuki gave it and waited.

"Oh, you are listed as the contact in emergency."

Yuki hadn't known that Shuichi would put him down as such. He had just assumed that the boy would have put one of his family. It just went to show once more that Shuichi put Yuki ahead of everyone, everything, even his own family. He didn't deserve the boy. He knew that.

"And?" Yuki grated out, his anger building.

"There's been no clear identification yet. Some survivors were found, and are receiving medical treatment, but at present there's no listing of names. This is mainly due to the lack of personal effects on the individuals. We must warn you that the loss of life in this accident has reached 95, and most survivors are critically injured and may not recover. So you should prepare yourself for the worst."

Yuki felt the room grow darker. "Where….where are the survivors?"

"We can't give that information out at present."

"Where…are…the…survivors?" Yuki dragged out slowly.

"I'm sorry, sir, we aren't able to release that information at present…."

Yuki slammed the phone down, leaning heavily on it. He could hear his breathing, loud in the stillness. Sweat dropped from his forehead, running down his face. His throat felt raw, closed. His whole body shook, alternating between icy coldness and burning heat.

He slowly picked up the phone and dialed.

"Hello?"

"Get me over there." Yuki said in a low voice.

"Eiri?" He could hear the questioning in Tohma's voice.

"Get me over there. Pull every string that you have. Find out where they have them. Get me there. However you have to."

There was silence on the phone for a moment, no sound except for Yuki's harsh breathing, and then Tohma's voice reached him

"Okay. Hold tight and I'll make some calls. I'll organize it."

"Fine." and Yuki hung up immediately.

He stood there in the darkness, looking at nothing, seeing nothing. The only thing that filled his mind was one face. That face filled his mind, his every thought. His world.

He would find him.


	2. Chapter 2

Title: The Key to My Heart: Chapter 2

Author: JadeHeart

Located/Archived: Found on & If anyone else would like it, please ask me first

Fandom: Gravitation

Rating: M

Warnings: Bad language

**Disclaimer: **I do not own any of the characters in this, they belong to the creators of 'Gravitation', nor am I making any profits from this.

Chapter 2

Yuki sat on the lounge, hands dangling between his knees, head lowered. The shadows had stretched across the room, slowly to dissolve as the sun set and night fell. A cigarette burnt slowly down as it rested in the ash tray.

He made no move to get up and turn on the lights as the darkness descended. The darkness matched the feelings in his soul. Thick, impenetrable, encompassing. It swallowed everything, took everything, changed everything. Made what you thought you knew, completely different, turned it into something that you could no longer recognize. It took away those things that you most wanted to hold on to.

He stared at the phone on the coffee table before him. It was silent. Had been silent for a long time.

What was taking Tohma so long? Damn him! He always said that he would do anything for Yuki. So what the hell was he doing now!

Where was he? His mind switched back immediately to his previous train of thought. Thoughts centered solely on Shuichi. Was he waiting for him? Was he somewhere strange, alone and afraid? He didn't speak very good English, so he could be having trouble communicating. That's probably why they couldn't tell Yuki where he was. Yes, that was probably it.

The cigarette had burnt to the end, untouched, and the last lingering flicker of flame gave a final flare, before blinking out to darkness.

Where was he? He wouldn't know what to do. Shuichi wasn't the most practical of people. Probably due to his artistic temperament. And he always over-reacted to things. The people over there probably wouldn't know what the hell to do with him when he started bouncing off the walls, as he was wont to do at times. But that's just the way he is. Take him as he comes.

Dim lights broke the blanketing darkness as the street lights flicked on. Lights from the neighbouring apartments filtered across the balcony, through the glass into the room, making the shadows leap and dance across the floor.

Where was he? He would be frightened, and upset. He would probably be crying too. Damn brat cried at the drop of a hat! He seemed to have bottomless tear ducts! But he was pretty cute when he did cry. Sometimes. The times when he would snuggle into Yuki's embrace for comfort and sob quietly. Not those horrendous wails he would sometimes let out! Those, Yuki could do without! But when Shuichi sincerely felt hurt, when he cried at those times, he was quite adorable. It made Yuki want to try and help him.

The sounds of the night traffic drifted upwards, a low hum, occasionally broken by a squeal of tires or backfire, the blare of a horn.

Where was he?

The phone rang.

Yuki looked at it, startled out of his trance, dragged away from his spiraling thoughts. The phone rang again, the lights flashing. He stared at it. It was ringing. He reached out a hand and picked it up.

"Eiri?" Tohma's voice came across the line, a little distorted to indicate that he was obviously calling from his cell phone.

"Yes."

"I've done what I could at present. I've booked us a flight out tonight. There's been a number of cancellations due to ….what has happened."

"Us?"

"Yes, 'us'. I'm coming with you. So don't bother arguing. I can't do anything more at the moment from here, but once I'm over there I've got a few leads I can follow up. I've contacted some people I know in the US, who are looking into it further for me. They'll fill us in when we get there. We'll be getting off in LA."

"Okay."

"How soon can you be ready?"

"Now."

"Alright. I'll be there in about half an hour."

"Make it twenty minutes." and Yuki hung up.

He looked at the now silent phone in his hand. Tohma had got things moving. Yuki would be arriving in the US soon. He could find Shuichi. Soon.

He stood and walked over to place the phone back in its cradle, when he paused. There was one person he should call before leaving. One person that deserved him to call them.

He dialed the number.

"Hello?"

"Hiro."

"Yuki." Hiro didn't shout, didn't abuse Yuki for not calling back sooner. The boy had been frantic, and now simply sounded…defeated.

"I'm going there."

Silence.

"To the States?"

"Yes."

Silence.

Then Yuki heard Hiro sigh softly, before speaking, his voice breaking. "Find him. Bring him back. Please."

"I will."

"Okay…..and thanks for telling me."

"It's what he would have wanted me to do."

A soft uneven laugh. "Yeah. Probably. Go get him."

The phone clicked as Hiro hung up.

Yuki dropped the phone into the cradle and made his way to his bedroom. He absently threw clothes and toiletries into a travel bag, ensuring that money, credit cards and passport joined it. He couldn't just walk out with nothing. He was the practical one of this partnership, and he made certain he had everything he needed.

As he opened the drawers, he could see Shuichi's clothes folded next to his, albeit a little less neatly. Even that reflected the haphazard nature of the boy. Yuki ran a hand lightly over the sweatshirt on top.

Clothes. Shuichi would have lost everything in the…accident. He probably only had the clothes he had been wearing on the plane and that was it. No telling what state they were in.

Yuki reached in, and began to collect a couple of changes of clothing for Shuichi. Shorts, jeans, shirts, both long and short sleeved, sweatshirts, boxers, even shoes. He stuffed them in the bag, alongside his own items. He walked into the bathroom and grabbed some of Shuichi's favourite shampoo and an extra toothbrush, as well as the deodorant that was Shuichi's unique smell.

The bag was now almost bulging, leaving not much room for anything else. He lugged it out to the hall, dropping it to the floor. He looked at his watch. Tohma would be here shortly. His coat, shoes, wallet, cellphone and keys were all waiting at the door, ready to go.

He looked around the apartment. There was nothing else he needed at the moment. He ignored the mess still in the middle of the floor where he had dropped the groceries. That was a minor consideration.

He looked down at the hall table. He noticed that Shuichi had left one of his ipods there. The boy had a couple, and was never without one of them. He picked it up and read what Shuichi had marked on it. This one was solely Bad Luck's music, not his usual collection of favourites from other artists. That one probably went with him on the trip.

Yuki raised it to his ear and turned it on. The strains of Rage Beat came to him, wrapping around his tortured mind. His hands began to shake, tears pricking at the back of his eyes, but not falling. He turned the music off, looking at the small item nestled in the palm of his hand. Such a small thing, and yet it held every part of Shuichi's musical talent. Every part of Shuichi's soul, because that is what he poured into his music. Yuki slipped it into the bag.

The door bell rang, shattering the stillness that seemed thick in his apartment. He walked over and opened it. Tohma stood there, looking dapper as usual. But to Yuki's knowledgeable eye, he could see signs of strain and worry. It was in the slightly paler complexion, the brighter eyes, the coat that had one corner of the collar not smoothed out, and the bottom button of the waistcoat undone. No, Tohma wasn't at all calm.

Tohma looked into Yuki's face, searching. "Ready to go?"

Without saying anything, Yuki turned and shrugged into his coat and shoes, shoving his accessories into the deep pockets, and picked up the bag.

Tohma didn't press him for further conversation. "Let's go." and Yuki followed him downstairs in silence.

Tohma started the car and began to head for the airport, cutting through town. The traffic was still heavy. It was only early evening and most shops were still open and doing the last of the day's trading.

"Stop here." Yuki suddenly said.

"What?" Tohma was startled, glancing over at his passenger.

"Stop. At this place."

Tohma was puzzled, but did as Yuki wanted, pulling into a loading bay outside the shopping complex he had indicated.

"Leave the car running. I wont be long."

Yuki slipped out of the car and walked away at a rapid pace. He brusquely pushed past other shoppers, ignoring the angry mutters and looks thrown at him for his rudeness. Ignoring everything around him, as he was solely focused on getting to his destination.

Tohma sat in the car and watched Yuki disappear into the moving masses. He had no idea where Yuki was going. If he had wanted to do any last minute shopping for the trip, he could have done it at the airport, or even when they had arrived in the US. He glanced in the mirrors, keeping an eye out for any parking inspectors. He didn't need to get a ticket for being where he was at this time.

Suddenly he spotted Yuki heading back to the car. Well, Yuki had been correct in saying he wouldn't be long, however Tohma wondered what he had needed to do. He was carrying nothing with him when he returned and slid back into the car.

"Hurry up." Yuki ordered.

Tohma couldn't help but smile. Now that was typical Eiri. He eased back into the traffic stream and headed off.

They arrived at the airport with just enough time to check in and make the plane. Tohma had managed to do well. They were seated in first class, and almost had the area to themselves. Accidents tended to make people nervous.

Yuki looked out the window, seeing his reflection looking back at him. The plane taxied out and was soon airborne, and the lights of Tokyo dwindled into the distance far beneath them.

Where was he?


	3. Chapter 3

Title: The Key to My Heart: Chapter 3

Author: JadeHeart

Located/Archived: Found on & If anyone else would like it, please ask me first

Fandom: Gravitation

Rating: M

Warnings: Bad language

**Disclaimer: **I do not own the characters in this, except that of Agent Jim Harris who is my original character. All other main characters belong to the creators of 'Gravitation', nor am I making any profits from this story.

Chapter 3

The plane shuddered to a stop. Yuki was on his feet before the seat belt sign had even switched off, stepping past Tohma, and heading for the doors. The flight attendant didn't even try and say anything to him. During the course of the flight, his silence and scowl had told them it was far better to just leave him alone. So, as long as he hadn't been disruptive or dangerous, they were prepared to overlook the smaller things.

He tapped a foot impatiently, waiting for the doors to open, listening to the loud thumps and clanking of mechanisms, as the walk way was connected. It was taking forever. He was aware that Tohma had come to stand behind him, coat draped over one arm, hat in hand. More clunks and a soft jolt to indicate the process was completed. How much longer were they going to take? Gods, he needed a cigarette!

Finally the door was swung open, and Yuki exited the plane immediately.

"Thank you for flying…." He left the flight attendant far behind.

Tohma flashed the woman a smile to make up for Yuki's rudeness.

"Thank you for your attention to our comfort." he said, with a small inclination of his head.

"It was our pleasure, Mr Seguchi." The flight attendant responded with a warm smile and low bow. "We look forward to serving you again."

"Thank you." and he stepped out and hurried after Yuki's tall figure, as it disappeared into the terminal.

Tohma sighed, lengthening his stride further, covering the ground faster without having to break into an undignified run. He knew that Yuki would eventually slow down. He had no idea of where to go, or what to do. Tohma was his only lead at this time. So he would eventually wait for Tohma to catch up with him. Tohma let out a small chuckle. Eiri really was quite a handful to deal with!

He saw Yuki pause, and Tohma caught up with him. He reached out and touched Yuki's arm lightly. The flinch and look of anger thrown his way wasn't entirely unexpected, but he also glimpsed a flash of worry that quickly disappeared from those familiar golden eyes.

He sighed softly. His Eiri was suffering again. Just when he had come to believe that he would no longer have to worry about him. That was supposed to now be someone else's job to do that, namely Shindou.

But now…without Shindou with him, Yuki was at a loss. Strange how that boy had squirmed his way so deeply into the hidden parts of Yuki's heart.

"This way." he said to Yuki, with a small inclination of his head.

Yuki followed Tohma as he headed over to address an airport staff member. Soft words were exchanged and then she spoke briefly into the two-way she was carrying. After listening for a moment, she spoke again to Tohma, and began to walk off.

Tohma looked over his shoulder to Yuki. "Come on."

Yuki followed, not knowing what Tohma was up to now.

They passed the crowds exiting at their gate, and when some free space appeared, a courtesy car arrived, light flashing on the back.

"Hop on." Tohma said with a smile, settling himself. Yuki followed suit, and the car moved off, navigating the milling masses.

"So we're riding in style." Yuki said.

Tohma looked over with that calm smile still on his face. "Why walk when you can ride." he said.

"Humph." was Yuki's only reply.

Yuki then noticed them bypass the signs pointing towards baggage claim. He tapped Tohma's shoulder.

"What about our bags?"

"Don't worry. It's all taken care of."

Yuki settled back. He wasn't worried. Tohma had obviously organized all this. If there was one thing that Tohma was good at, it was organising.

It didn't take them long to reach the customs area. They alighted from the cart and followed their guide, past the long lines extending as far as the eye could see, to a side door. They entered, and Yuki let Tohma continue to handle things. Their bags were already there waiting for them, having obviously been collected directly. They handed over their passports, and with a few quiet words, they were cleared through customs.

They exited through another door that now let them out on the other side of that forbidding wall of bureaucratic red tape. Yuki couldn't help but be impressed. Tohma was really very good at this!

Their guide was still with them, leading them through the crowds towards the exit doors. Yuki followed and could soon see the hordes of people crowding outside, as they waited to meet passengers arriving. How he hated crowds!

He steeled himself to face the onslaught, but their guide took them once more to a side door, marked for staff only, and opened it with a swipe card. Tohma said some quiet words and bowed in thanks. Their guide flashed a smile, the first she had shown, breaking the austere look and aloof demenour she had maintained all this time, and waved them through.

Yuki breathed a sigh of relief, pulling out his sunglasses and putting them on. They had bypassed all the crowds and stood in a corner fairly much to themselves. Picking up their bags, they began to make their way towards the front of the terminal building. Yuki then noticed that they weren't entirely alone in this spot. A man stood leaning nonchalantly against a column.

As Tohma drew nearer, the man stood upright, waiting for them to join him.

"Hey, Tohma! Good to see you."

"And you." They shook hands, smiling in greeting. Obviously Tohma knew this person.

"Have you still not learnt to use a razor?' Tohma said, indicating the after five shadow across the man's face.

The man smiled and reached up to rub a hand over his chin. "Yeah, it's a bit rough. But don't worry yourself, I wont scratch you're tender skin!"

"How considerate of you! I wonder what your colleagues would say?"

The man laughed loudly. It was a carefree laugh, and completely uninhibited. "They'd never believe it! Me? Gay? I like the ladies too much to give them up. Even for your pretty looks!"

"Well, I must say that is a relief. Or should I say, a disappointment?"

"Speaking of women, how's your little lady?"

Yuki nearly choked as he realized that the man was referring to Mika. She may be a lady, but she definitely wasn't anyone's 'little lady'!

Tohma gave a soft laugh. "She's well. And the only reason you call her that, is because she isn't here."

"Too bloody right! She'd probably gut me on the spot."

"Most likely. And be able to do so without breaking a nail."

"She's one hell of a looker. But, geez, Tohma, she's scary as all blazes! You're a much braver man than me to take her on!"

Yuki ignored the banter between the two and reached into his coat pocked to pull out his cigarettes. His eyes felt gritty. They had left Tokyo in the early evening, and now it was late morning of the same day. The nine hour flight itself would have been enough to make him feel tired, as his body was trying to tell him it should still be night, albeit the early hours of the morning. And on top of that he had already literally been up an entire day, as well as not having slept very much over the previous two nights before. So his body and mind were exhausted, drained, and yet he hadn't been able to sleep on the flight, no matter how tired he felt. His mind continued to race, thoughts bombarding him, questions being asked…..and still no answers.

Now, they were standing in LA, with the sun blazing through the glass and hurting his eyes. Yes, it was only the sun that made his eyes begin to water.

"Sorry, bud." the man said, looking at Yuki. "Can't smoke in the terminal."

Yuki glared at him, but the man just smiled and half shrugged, indicating it was out of his hands. Yuki's hand clenched around the cigarette packet in anger. Bloody stupid rules! Bloody stupid Americans! The man stared right back at him, not turning his gaze from Yuki's baleful look. Slowly Yuki released his strangle hold on the packet, and shoved it back into his pockets.

"Ah, yes. How rude of me. Please forgive me for my bad manners. I would like to introduce my brother-in-law, Eiri Yuki. Eiri, this is an old friend of mine, Jim Harris."

"Pleased to meet you." Jim said, holding out his hand.

Yuki shook it, nodding curtly.

"Doesn't say much, does he?" Jim said, looking across at Tohma.

Tohma just smiled. "Shall we go?"

"Sure." Jim said, turning. "This way."

They followed him outside and down the ramp to the executive parking area. Tohma settled into the passenger side, with Yuki sitting in the back, their bags piled next to him. Jim started the vehicle, and blended into the traffic as it streamed away from the airport.

"We should have a pretty good run at this time of the day. We'll get to my place in about half an hour. How was the flight?"

"Uneventful." was Tohma's reply.

"Hey, buddy! If you want to smoke now, feel free to do so.' Jim called back to Yuki, looking in the rear view mirror.

Yuki gratefully reached in and pulled out the cigarettes, placing one between his lips, as he began to search his pockets for his lighter.

"Here." and a flash of silver flew through the air to land in Yuki's lap. He looked up to see Jim grinning at him. "Help yourself. Hate to see a grown man suffer."

Yuki said nothing as he picked up the lighter and lit the cigarette, breathing in deeply. He held the smoke in his lungs, savouring the tang, before exhaling. Gods, how he had needed that!

He tossed the lighter back to Jim, so it landed with a clatter on the dash.

"You sure he can talk?" Jim threw the question to Tohma, humour lacing his voice.

"Only when he wants to. Eiri isn't one for meaningless conversation."

"So I see."

"So," Tohma's voice turned business-like, a change that Yuki had heard many times, as his brother-in-law moved from a seeming calm, mild-mannered, drifting personality, to the shrewd business man he was. "What have you got for me?"

"Not too much at this time. It's still too soon. The crash site has been pretty much unapproachable since it happened. It's really only settled down enough over the last 12 hours for anything to even start to happen. Look in the pocket of your door."

Yuki could see Tohma lean to the right a little, and then the rustle of papers. He moved forward to hang over the back of Tohma's seat, chin almost resting on his shoulder, so he could see what Tohma was holding.

Tohma turned his head a little, his lips almost brushing Yuki's cheek. "Why, Eiri, how sudden. But please, not while we're in public." he said, in an almost simpering voice.

Jim let out a loud bark of laughter and slapped a hand down on the steering wheel in mirth.

"Shut up." was Yuki's only response, which was greeted with a further laugh from Jim.

Tohma just smiled at him, and turned back to the file resting on his knees, opening it to the first pages. "So what is this?"

"As you can see, every report I have so far is in there, as much as I could get at the moment. There's been a complete shut down on this one as there's talk it might have been terrorism. There's nothing definite, but until the investigation is completed, their holding their cards very close to their chests."

"What makes them think it was anything more than a simple crash?" Tohma asked, flipping through the pages, stopping to scan the text now and then.

"A buddy of mine from Special Forces gave me the intel that they came across some pieces in the wreckage that they think may have been part of an incendiary device. It's still too early to tell, but that was enough for them to call the shut down on the site. The investigators, and forensics, are both in there trying to find out what went on. They're trying to determine if the pattern of the damage was due to an explosion midair, or just due to impact. Forensics have been sifting through the wreck pulling out everything they could find to identify remains. And believe me, that's one bitch of a job, because there's not a hell of a lot left of anything."

Jim cast a quick glance in Yuki's direction. "I understand you're looking for someone?"

Yuki stiffened. He hadn't really thought about the fact that Tohma would have had to have told Jim about why he wanted this information, and why Yuki was there.

"Look, sorry I don't have much more at this time to give you, but I'm still working on it. I've got a few more favours to call in which might give us some more info."

"What about the report of survivors?" Tohma asked, still looking down at the papers, his voice quite calm. Yuki's heartbeat sped up.

"I've got it on good authority that there were some survivors. Last information indicated eight people. But I don't even have any information as to what sex they are yet, let alone what state they're in. They were air lifted from the site directly to a hospital for immediate medical treatment. I'm trying to track down which one, but due to this being a suspected terrorism act, the government doesn't want anyone coming into contact with those survivors. Not until they have the chance to confirm who they are, and so eliminate the possibility that one of them may have been a suicide bomber on the plane, or for them to explain exactly what did occur. So they are under complete lock and key at the moment. The fact that there were even any survivors is a miracle in itself."

"When do you think you'll be able to find out more?" Tohma closed the file and looked up.

Jim was silent for a moment as he merged with a lane of traffic to take the next exit, leaving the high speeds of the highway behind them. "In the next couple of days I should have some more. At least the location of the hospital the survivors were taken to."

"How come you know all this?" Yuki asked, speaking up for the first time, curiousity getting the better of him. That, and suspicion.

Jim threw him a started glance. "So you do talk!" he said with a brash grin. Then he sobered. "Tohma hasn't told you?" Jim looked at Tohma, who shook his head slightly.

"Told me what?"

"I'm FBI."

Yuki was startled. He threw a look towards the mild-mannered Tohma. Just how did he know someone from the FBI so well. Just what has Tohma been up to over the years? Yuki turned his attention back to Jim as he continued to speak.

"I've got quite a few contacts that can help us out here. On both sides of the fence, if you know what I mean. I know that you're not doing this to be a threat to national security, or anything like that. So I don't see any problems with giving you a hand. But I have to warn you now. It's not going to be easy, not one bit. But I'll try to help you as best I can. I….I know what it's like to be left waiting word about someone."

The catch in the man's voice indicated some deep loss from the past. Yuki didn't press the issue. That told him enough. He now felt that Jim was definitely on their side. That sense of loss the man had expressed, obviously about someone he had cared for deeply, Yuki could relate to that. He knew what it was like to feel like your heart was being squeezed in a vice, that you never seemed to be able to get enough air in your lungs to breathe properly. But the difference was going to be, that unlike Jim, Yuki would not remain like that. He /would/ find what he was looking for!

But a couple of more days? Could he wait that long? What was he supposed to do? His fingers drummed on his thigh as he blew some smoke away, looking out at the scenery as it flashed past the car. He wasn't good at just sitting still, not having anything to do. What could he do? Where could he go?

No, he had to try and be patient. To wait. Wait for Jim and Tohma to find the information, to give him what he wanted, lead him to where he needed to be. Shuichi was here. Yuki was sure of it. Sure, in the deepest part of his soul. He refused to accept anything else.

He looked at his reflection, seeing the smoke from his cigarette curling around his head like a halo. He was no angel, but he had been called a devil by more than one person. And he would move Heaven and Hell to reach his goal.

The sun beat against his face, but the warmth didn't seem to penetrate further than the surface. He felt so cold inside. He blew out another tendril of smoke. He was here. He was in the US. He was where Shuichi was.

Somewhere.


	4. Chapter 4

Title: The Key to My Heart: Chapter 4

Author: JadeHeart

Located/Archived: Found on & If anyone else would like it, please ask me first

Fandom: Gravitation

Rating: M

Warnings: Bad language

**Disclaimer: **I do not own the characters in this, except that of Agent Jim Harris who is my original character. All other main characters belong to the creators of 'Gravitation', nor am I making any profits from this story.

Chapter 4

Yuki leant on the railing, cigarette dangling from his fingers. A light breeze ruffled his hair lightly, flicking strands into his eyes. Jim's bungalow was set in a quiet location, looking out towards the ocean in the distance. It was peaceful here, quiet.

Yuki lifted the cigarette to his lips, before letting his hand drop again. A gust of wind knocked the ash away, leaving little more than the butt.

He could hear the low drone of Jim's voice as he continued to speak on the phone. Since arriving home, the man had been closeted in his cluttered study, alternatively pacing with phone in hand, or sitting with feet propped up on the desk, scribbling notes. Yuki and Tohma had left him in peace.

A soft step behind alerted him to the presence of another.

"You need to get some rest." Tohma said, leaning on the rail next to him.

Yuki tossed the butt over the rail to the ground below him, watching it fall. "Not tired."

He reached into his shirt pocket to bring out his cigarettes, clasping the end of one between his teeth and drawing it out. A hand reached out and removed it from his mouth. He turned to look at Tohma.

"Give. That. Back." he snarled.

"No." Tohma said firmly in his quiet voice, and crushed the purloined cigarette in his hand.

Yuki felt his own hands clench into fists, as rage began to boil to the surface. Tohma remained standing where he was, radiating calm.

"You need to sleep, Eiri, whether you like it or not. You haven't slept for almost two days. You're completely strung out and doing nothing more except run on adrenalin at the moment. And eventually even that will give out. You wont be doing anyone any favours if you collapse."

Yuki slowly released his clenched hands, turning away from his brother-in-law's penetrating look.

"Can't." he finally admitted.

A hand reached in front of his eyes, palm up. Nestled on the flesh were three small white tablets. "Take them."

Yuki looked over at Tohma.

"Don't worry. They're nothing more than rather strong sleeping tablets. Mika gets them for me." he smiled slightly. "She says that at least she knows where I am after I've taken some of these. That's in bed, and asleep."

Yuki looked down at the pills again, lying in Tohma's rock steady hand. It wasn't that he was averse to taking pills. Gods, with all the medication he had been on at one time, he had taken so many over the years that there had been days he positively rattled! But part of him still hesitated.

A part of his mind didn't want to take them. It was as though he felt that if he closed his eyes, even for a moment, he will have forgotten Shuichi. If he did that, Shuichi would be lost to him. He couldn't do that. He couldn't lose him.

"Take them, Eiri. It's not going to be an easy time for anyone from here on. You'll need all the strength you have, and that means looking after your body's needs. Right now, it needs sleep."

Yuki said nothing. Made no move to take the proffered pills. Should he? Could he just go to sleep? That seemed just so….wrong. Not now, not at this time. He had things to do. He had to find Shuichi. That is why he was here.

"What do you think Shuichi would want you to do?" Tohma's voice cut through his thoughts.

Yuki felt his eyes burn. Damn Tohma! He always played so bloody dirty! Yuki reached up and grabbed the pills. Tohma held out a glass of water, and watched as Yuki placed the tablets in his mouth and washed them down.

He handed the empty glass back. "That was a dirty trick." he said roughly.

Tohma inclined his head as a slight acknowledgement to the accusation. "Maybe, but it's also the truth. Don't you think?"

Yuki turned away and walked into the house, heading for the sofa. He stretched himself out on it, cushion behind his head. The early afternoon sun shone through the glass doors. Yuki watched the shadows, and never knew when he drifted into slumber.

The first thing Yuki felt was pain. Right through his neck. He groaned and rolled over, only to find himself falling and landing with a hard thump on his shoulder on the floor. He groaned again. What the hell…!

Groggily he sat up, running a hand through his hair, trying to gather his thoughts. Floor. Sofa. Ah, yes, sleep. That was it. He heard the sound of a door opening and a sliver of light broke the darkness of the room he was in.

"So you're finally awake!" Tohma's cheerful voice called to him. He crawled up onto the lounge again to peer over the back to where Tohma was standing in the doorway. He suddenly laughed.

"What's so bloody funny!" Yuki groused, feeling out of sorts.

"You!" Tohma said with a broad smile. "You're not just not a morning person, Eiri. You really just don't like waking up, no matter what time it is!"

"Speaking of, what is the time?" Yuki said, rubbing a hand over his face and feeling the rough stubble on his chin.

"It's nearly 10pm. You've slept for almost 10 hours. How do you feel now?"

"Like shit."

"Now that sounds more like you. Are you hungry?"

Yuki thought about that. He didn't think he was, but then his stomach growled audibly enough for Tohma to hear as well.

"I think that is trying to tell you, yes, you are. Remember what we talked about before?"

"Yeah, yeah." Yuki waved a hand dismissively.

"Good. Go and get a shower and freshen up. We'll eat when you're done."

Yuki dragged his body to an upright position and began to walk to the room that he and Tohma were sharing. There were only two bedrooms in Jim's place, so they had taken over one between them.

His legs felt like they were rubber, both trying to do their own thing, and neither wanting to work in concert. Damn pills, he muttered to himself, unzipping his bag. He reached in to grab some clothes. It would be good to have a shower, he had to admit. Perhaps that would make him feel a little more human.

He pulled the article he gripped out, and froze. Hanging in his hand was a sweatshirt. Bright orange, rather trendy, nothing like his usual clothes in any way at all.

Shuichi's. It was Shuichi's. A flood of memories washed through his mind. Every time he could recall seeing his partner wearing this item. Every action and motion of the body that it had hung on. The expressive face, the cheerful smile.

He dropped the sweatshirt, and it fell to the bed in front of him. He was shaking, his whole body was shaking so hard. He wrapped his arms around himself, holding himself tightly, squeezing, trying to stop himself flying apart into a thousand shattered pieces. He couldn't tear his eyes away from the splash of orange lying there.

Where was he! Oh, for gods sakes, where was he! Why wasn't he HERE!

Yuki fell to his knees, arms still clasped around himself, as tears ran down his face.

Tohma was a little concerned. Yuki had been in the bedroom a long time, longer than it takes to just get a change of clothes and head for the bathroom. He started to move towards the room, but then hesitated. Should he interrupt him?

He heaved a sigh. He really didn't know what he should do in this situation. He didn't know how much comfort he could, or should, try to give. Or was it better to just let Yuki sort things out in his own way, and just be there for him when he was needed. That was probably the answer.

Tohma had resigned himself a long time ago now, that he was no longer the one that could give Yuki what he needed. Maybe he never had been able to give Yuki truly what he needed. The only person who could do that was Shindou. So the only thing that Tohma could do was do everything in his power to give back to Yuki that one thing. He would give Shindou back to Yuki.

If he could.

He turned away, and then heard the click of a door, and glancing over his shoulder saw Yuki's dark shadow disappear into the bathroom. Another crisis past. At least he was up and moving. One day at a time was all any of them could do.

Yuki tilted his head back, eyes closed, letting the water stream over his face. He consciously made his muscles relax, one at a time, concentrating. He turned and brushed the wet hair from his face and took a deep breath.

He had to remain calm, focused. There was going to be a lot of work to do. Jim had told him it wasn't going to be easy to find Shuichi. Not with all this shit going on about terrorism. They were going to have to do a lot of digging, a lot of checking, and probably breaking a lot of rules as well.

He was still a little surprised that Jim was helping them. To do so he must be putting his job on the line. Yuki didn't think the FBI would take too kindly to one of their operatives doing this sort of thing. Why would Jim be willing to risk that for them? Did Tohma have some kind of hold over the man? In some ways, Yuki wouldn't put it past his brother-in-law. Few people realized just how damn ruthless Tohma Seguchi really was. He may look young, but he had a mind as sharp as a razor, and sometimes not too many morals to go with it.

However the relationship between Jim and Tohma didn't seem to be one based on coercion. There definitely seemed to be friendship there. It must be one hell of a friendship for Jim to stick his neck out this much for Tohma. And for Yuki.

Yuki shook his head, droplets spraying across the shower screen. Well, he'll probably never know. Tohma complained that Yuki never let anyone in close enough to know what he was thinking. Well, that was a bit like the pot calling the kettle black. For Tohma was a complete enigma, and always had been. He only ever showed people exactly what he wanted them to see. No more, no less.

Yuki turned the shower off and dried down quickly. Once changed, he made his way to the kitchen. Lights were now turned on in the lounge. Obviously they had left it in darkness to allow him to continue to sleep.

He pushed the swing door open and entered the warm, aromatic room. Tohma stood at the stove, stirring a pot. It was a familiar sight for Yuki, the only thing missing was the apron. As though reading his mind, Tohma turned with a smile.

"Sit down, Eiri. Everything's ready. I keep telling Jim he should have an apron in the house. I didn't really want to have to start doing too much laundry as soon as we arrived, but here I am, splattered with grease already."

"Hey, I'm a macho man!" Jim spoke up, from where he was sitting at the table in the middle of the room, shuffling through papers before him. "Macho men don't wear aprons! That's for sissies!"

"Then I guess you don't need to eat." Tohma said mildly, beginning to dish up.

"Okay, okay. You're not a sissy, never a sissy! You're as macho as me. Even if you do have a pretty face, skin as soft as a woman's, and pounce around in frilly clothes and colours no decent man would wear!"

"Just because you are so sadly lacking in good taste, it is staggering to think that any woman would even dream of looking at you once, let alone twice. Oh, but then, that is probably why you don't have a girlfriend"

"Ouch! Low blow, Tohma!"

Tohma placed a plate in front of Jim, smiling. "You should know better than to try and get the best of me in a verbal fight."

"I know! And I can't best you in a physical fight either because I'd be too afraid of messing up your good looks!"

Tohma flicked his head in a cocky gesture. "It's a curse some of us have to live with." and he turned back to pick up the other two plates and placing them on the table.

"Is he always this insufferable back home?" Jim asked Yuki.

"Yeah."

"Huh! Should have guessed!"

"Bon appetite!" Tohma said, raising his fork like a victory sword, and they settled down to eat.

"Hey, this is good! You weren't kidding when you said you could cook well!"

"Of course not. You know I never kid about important things."

"Maybe I will marry you, Tohma. Wouldn't you like to cook and clean for me?" Jim batting his eye lashes at Tohma, failing completely in being seductive. Tohma was far better at it in Yuki's opinion.

"I think Mika would have something to say about that. You would have to be the one to face her and tell her you were stealing me away."

Jim sat back in his chair and held up both hands in mock surrender. "No way! Anything but that! I would move heaven and earth to make you mine, Tohma, but there's no way I'll face Mika when she's pissed off!"

"Then I think we'll have to postpone the honeymoon a while longer."

Jim sighed heavily. "The story of my life. So many missed opportunities."

"Anything further?" Tohma asked as they continued to eat.

Jim swallowed and spoke. "A few bits and pieces. I'm waiting for a call that should come through tonight."

Yuki glanced up at the clock. It was after 11.00pm now. Jim caught where he was looking and said "Yeah, I know it is late but most of the people I deal with don't exactly work 9 to 5. They'll come through."

"And what is it this call will tell us?"

"Maybe. Just maybe, where the survivors are."

Yuki felt his heart clench in his chest. Could he be that close now? Could it be that tonight he would finally know?

Tohma pushed his chair back and stood. "You two go. I'll clean up in here."

"You don't have to do that, Tohma. You cooked, I can clean up later."

"Jim, you hate doing such things as dishes at the best of times, and it is precisely because I did cook that I shall do the cleaning. After all, it is my mess, isn't it?"

"Tohma.."

Tohma made a shooing motion at them both as he collected the plates. "Go on. It wont take me long."

Jim shrugged and stood. " Okay."

Yuki left the room and headed into the lounge. He pushed the sliding doors open and exited to the deck, hand reaching for his cigarettes immediately.

"You really are a heavy smoker, aren't you?" Jim said quietly as he joined Yuki outside, holding out a bottle of beer to him.

Yuki lit up, the small flame illuminating the darkness of the night, and accepted the drink. "Sometimes."

"Yeah. Guess this sort of thing is one of those 'sometimes'." He tilted the bottle up and drank, then moved to sit down on one of the chairs there.

Yuki took a drink also, remaining standing where he was, looking out into the distance. Shuichi was out there. He was out there somewhere. Yuki would find him. He took another drag on the cigarette.

Jim pushed the ashtray closer to Yuki. "Try not to make a mess of my place, will you?"

Yuki raised an eyebrow at the man. He hadn't seen Jim smoke, yet he carried a lighter and had ashtrays around his home. Jim smiled crookedly at him as though reading his mind. "You're right. I don't smoke. I gave it up five years ago." He shrugged and took another drink. "It doesn't bother me if others do, so don't be concerned."

"I wasn't."

Jim threw back his head and laughed. "Yeah, I guessed you're not exactly the kind of guy to be too worried about offending someone!"

A companionable silence settled over the two men for a moment, before Jim spoke up once more.

"You've got a lot of guts to just drop everything and come over here like this." Jim's quiet voice drifted over to him. Yuki turned and looked at the man. "Not everyone would you know. A lot of people would just stay home and wait for the authorities to tell them what was going on. He's pretty special to you, isn't he?"

"Got a problem with that?"

"What? That it's a guy you're chasing?"

Yuki said nothing, just raising his bottle to his lips for a drink. Jim did the same and then spoke again.

"Look, I don't have problems with that sort of thing either way. Nothing to do with me what your personal preferences are. Besides, I've met plenty of gay guys, worked with a number, and they're completely okay blokes. Could still go out and have a beer with them. Gay, straight, bi, whatever. It's all the same to me." Jim had another drink.

"I still think that it's really something that you think he's that important that you're not willing to just sit back and wait for things, but to come over here and make it happen. That's really something in my books."

Yuki walked over and sat in the chair next to Jim.

"Isn't helping us interfering with your normal work?" Yuki finally asked, breaking the silence that had settled again.

"I'm on leave."

"This is your idea of a holiday?"

Jim threw a smile at Yuki. "Generally I just stick to fishing!" Jim took another drink and continued. "Anyways, I could hardly in good conscious stay at work, when I'm doing this sort thing under the table, so to speak. So the simplest thing was to just take some of my leave now. Tohma's going to owe me big time for using it up!"

"I'm sure he'll make it worth your while." Yuki said dryly, drawing on his cigarette.

Jim looked steadily at Yuki. "If you're talking about money, I'm not doing it for that. Don't ever think I am." There was steel in his voice, the first Yuki had heard in his brief association with the man. "But you are wondering why then, aren't you?"

Yuki shrugged. "None of my business."

Jim laughed, without humour, and took another drink. "Then that's fine, 'cause I don't want to tell you."

"Whatever."

"Okay then. Just as long as you know that it has nothing to do with money. I'm doing it for my own reasons, and because Tohma asked for my help as a friend. Fair enough?"

"Suits me."

They sat in silence again. Suddenly the stillness was broken by the harsh jangling of the phone. Jim and Yuki shared a look, before Jim stood and walked back into the room, passing Tohma on his way. Tohma turned to watch him disappear into his study, before turning and joining Yuki. He sat in Jim's now vacated chair, saying nothing.

The minutes seemed to stretch out longer and longer. Jim still hadn't returned, even after there was no longer the sounds of voices from the study. Yuki smoked another cigarette, his guts churning.

Finally there was the sound of footsteps, and Tohma and Yuki turned their heads as one towards them. Jim stood in the doorway.

"Get a move on. We've got a plane to catch."

"Where?" Tohma asked, standing quickly.

"Washington, DC. I've made arrangements for the flight from here to hold for us, but if we go now we should just make it in time anyway."

Yuki pushed past Jim, heading for the bedroom. Jim watched him go with a small sad smile before turning back to Tohma.

"Good thing you boys hadn't unpacked!"

Tohma was still standing in place. "What else?"

Jim looked steadily back at him, face somber. "We've got something."

"What?"

"There are only 7 survivors. One's already died since their evac."

"And?"

"From what my contact could find out at this stage, is that it's not looking good for any of them."

"I see." Tohma said quietly, looking down. Then he raised his head, expression neutral once more, and walked past Jim, shoulders almost touching in passing.

"What are you going to do?" Jim asked him quietly. "Going to tell him?"

Tohma paused. "No." he said firmly. "Let him hold onto his hope for as long as he can."

"That could be pretty cruel."

"Perhaps. But at the moment, that hope is all that is keeping him going."

"Yeah." Jim agreed in a soft voice, and Tohma continued on his way.

Jim stepped out further onto the deck, looking out into the night. Yuki's discarded cigarette rested in the ashtray on the table. Jim walked over and picked it up. He looked at it, the smoke drifting lazily away with the breeze, the sudden glow from the end as the wind fanned the embers. He hadn't smoked for five years. Not since…..

He lifted the cigarette to his lips and inhaled. He held the smoke in his lungs for a moment, habit taking over, then blew out slowly, forming a perfect smoke ring. Yeah, he hadn't lost his touch. He watched it drift away, disappearing quickly.

Time to go, and he ground the butt into the ashtray, then turned and walked away.


	5. Chapter 5

Title: The Key to My Heart: Chapter 5

Author: JadeHeart

Located/Archived: Found on & If anyone else would like it, please ask me first

Fandom: Gravitation

Rating: M

Warnings: Bad language, angst/grief

**Disclaimer: **I do not own the characters in this, except that of Agent Jim Harris who is my original character. All other main characters belong to the creators of 'Gravitation', nor am I making any profits from this story.

The Key to My Heart: Chapter 5

The plane landed late morning in Washington, D.C. Yuki was impatient. He was so close now. Soon. Jim had assured them that he had arranged everything. A flash of his badge cleared their path magically. True to his word, a car was ready and waiting for them also.

"My contact told me more information would be waiting at the drop point."

"And in plain English, what does that mean?" Tohma asked.

"A designated location that only he and I know about, where he can leave confidential information for me. That way we never have to meet in person, unless absolutely necessary. It's so neither of us can be linked to the other, if he's picked up a tail."

"Sounds very secretive."

Jim laughed loudly. "Well, I am the FBI. We're supposed to be secretive!"

"So what is the other information, do you think?"

"Definitely the suspected location of the survivors. That much he indicated in the call."

"What else?"

Jim shrugged. "Don't know. We'll find out soon enough."

Jim navigated the streets using the GPS, although he admitted that he knew DC quite well anyway. He moved into the quieter suburbs, before pulling up outside a small local post office.

"Just wait here a minute. I'll be back."

Yuki watched Jim walk across to where the locked postal boxes lined the wall, stopping at one and opening it. He was there no more than a few moments before turning back to the car. As Jim drew closer, Yuki could see him now carrying a large envelope.

He stepped in and tossed the envelope to Tohma, before starting the car and moving back onto the road.

"Open it up, will you?"

Tohma threw a brief glance towards Yuki in the back, catching his eye. Yuki nodded curtly, leaning forward. Tohma slipped his fingers under the flap and tore it open, reaching in to pull out the folder inside. He opened it and scanned the front page.

"Do we have an address?" Jim asked, watching the road.

Tohma gave it to him.

"Yep. I know the place." Jim said, changing lanes quickly. "It wont take us long to get there." He looked over at Yuki. "You might want to read through the rest. I don't know what's in there but it's probably everything my contact could get on the survivors. You're the best person to figure out if your partner is one of them."

Yuki took the file from Tohma's hand and began to read.

"That one." he finally said.

"Okay then." Jim answered and they continued.

"Well, this is it." Jim said, pulling up in front of the hospital entrance. He left the car running and turned in his seat to look at Yuki. "Look, I can't really go flashing my badge around here too much because it might arouse a bit of suspicion, and questions might start getting asked. I would rather not have my superiors get any idea about what I've been up to, which means I need to lay low for now. I'm afraid you're on your own from here on. It's still not going to be easy for you to get in to see him, so be prepared for a shit fight."

"Don't worry about Eiri," Tohma said. "He's more than capable of handling himself."

"He's gonna have to be." Jim said seriously. "These hospitals have security guards, and they're not afraid to use them. So watch yourself. I'll park the car and join you as soon as I can."

"Fine." Yuki said, opening the door and getting out.

Tohma called through his open window. "I'll come in with Jim, Eiri. You may have better luck if you're on your own instead of two of us. We'll find you shortly."

Yuki nodded and headed into the hospital. He checked the file in his hand again. It stated quite clearly that all the survivors were located in the ICU. He looked up the hospital directory board. Yes, there it was. He made his way down the corridors towards another wing, then took the elevator up to the designated floor.

He stepped out of the lift and looked around. A nurses' station was directly in front of him. Beyond that, he could see the wide swing doors marked in large red letters, ICU. He made his way to the counter. The nurse seated there, looked up. "Can I help you, sir?"

"Yes," Yuki said without preamble. "I'm here to see the patient in room 213."

"The patient's name?"

"Shuichi Shindou."

The nurse tapped on the keyboard.

"And your name?"

Yuki told her. She tapped some more.

"I'm sorry, sir. We don't have a patient by that name here."

"That's because he's one of the survivors from the crash and you don't know who the hell he is. He's in room 213."

The nurse tapped further on her computer. Yuki was becoming more impatient.

"I'm very sorry, sir. I can't give you authorisation to go in. There's been strict security instructions in relation to that patient and the others. Only the doctor can give that permission. If you would like to come back in…"

"I want to see him. Now." Yuki could feel himself getting angrier the longer he was delayed.

"You can't do so, sir. If you would like to leave your name and a contact number, I can ask the doctor to contact you at some point and you can discuss….."

Yuki left her talking to air as he turned and strode towards the doors.

"Sir!" the nurse called, hurriedly pushing back her chair and rushing out from behind the counter to stand in front of Yuki's path.

"Sir, you can't go in there! That is the Intensive Care Unit, and you must be cleared to enter."

"Get out of the way."

"Sir, you can't go in! You must wait to receive authorization from the doctors before entering. You can't just go in!"

"Get. Out. Of. My. Way." Yuki's voice dropped dangerously low. He could feel his hands clenching into fists, could feel the tension in his muscles, the rage beginning to build. His eyes glared daggers at the nurse having the misfortune to be obstructing him. She faltered from that look, unnerved, but rallied.

"Sir, I must ask you again to go back. I can not allow you to go in there. You are not listed on the recognized visitors' sheet. It's critical you don't enter. If you don't desist, I will be forced to contact Security and have you forcibly removed."

Black spots danced before Yuki's eyes as the nurse spoke. He began to shake with rage, and then it boiled out. He took two long strides that brought him swiftly in front of her, no more than an inch between them. He shoved his face towards hers, looming over her shorter frame. The startled look on her face at the speed at which he had reached her, was tinged with fear.

Yuki glared at her fiercely. "Move." he grated out.

She flinched at his tone but still stood her ground. Yuki lost all composure.

"MOVE YOUR FUCKING ARSE OR I'LL RIP YOUR GUTS OUT!" he almost screamed in her face.

The nurse melted to one side at this onslaught, and he pushed through the ICU swing doors. He didn't look back to see her rushing frantically back behind her counter and picking up the phone.

He continued swiftly down the corridor, tracking the numbers of the rooms as he went. This area of the hospital was shrouded in deathly silence. Yuki found it unnerving, haunting. The hairs on the back of his neck began to rise. He walked on. Finally he stopped outside a door. Looking through the glass panel, he could just see the bed in the dimness. Could just see that the bed was occupied. He looked up at the number again, then down at the note clipped to the file in his hand. Yes, this was it.

Yuki opened the door and stood there, unmoving. The hiss of the respirator filled the room as it rose and fell, the regular beeping of the machines monitoring every action of the patient echoed in the stillness. Yuki moved closer to the bed, his heart in his mouth, his feet dragging.

The small figure lying on the bed was swathed in bandages from head to toe, not an inch of the body could be seen, not even the face. It looked morbidly like a mummy. Yuki could see that the hands and feet were nothing more than stumps. Tubes trailed from multiple locations, like obscene tentacles.

The smell of the antiseptic in the room was making Yuki's stomach churn. His head was pounding, pressure pushing against his temples. He could feel his legs begin to shake, and unsteadily reached out a hand as he sat in the chair near the bedside, never taking his eyes from the bed's occupant. His eyes prickled as tears began to form. Oh, gods! his mind screamed over and over again.

He opened the file he was still holding. He had read it in the car. It had nauseated him then, but now, faced with the stark reality before him, those words on the papers took on a far more horrifying meaning.

He re-read the brief report. Young male, estimated age 20 years old. Severe 3rd degree burns to 85 of the body, second degree burns to remaining 15. Loss of digits on both hands and feet. Respiratory processes unable to be maintained without assistance. Severe head trauma resulting in a coma. Identified only as being of Japanese origin.

It had to be him. According to the manifest there were only a few people on that flight that even fell into that category. According to Jim's source.

His vision blurred as the tears began to fall. He closed the file and looked back up. Shuichi. He had found him. Finally. His heart ached so much he brought a hand up and clutched his chest. What could he do? How could his Shuichi be like this? It's not fair. It shouldn't have happened to Shuichi. He didn't deserve this!

"Hey," Yuki said in a voice little more than a whisper. "I'm here."

He didn't know if the still figure could hear him. There was still so much conjecture as to whether coma patients could hear or not. He wanted to believe that Shuichi could hear him, would always hear him.

"You scared the hell out of me with this little stunt. I've had a hard time finding you, you know." he continued quietly. "I wouldn't have been able to do it without Tohma's help. I know you have issues with him, but believe me, we both owe him big time for this one."

He tentatively reached out a hand and hesitated before briefly touching the bandaged arm, then withdrawing. "When you wake up there's someone else I want you to meet as well. His name's Jim Harris and he's really stuck his neck out for us both. I think you'd really like him. He's an okay kind of guy."

Yuki stood and walked over to the window, parting the blinds a little to look out into the sunshine. "You know it will be great to get back home. I know you said you wanted to see the US, but you can always come back. As soon as you can, I say we head home. Next time you come over here, I'll make certain that I come with you. I can then show you some of the places that I used to know."

He turned away from the window and walked back to sit in the chair. "You just concentrate on getting better now. You have to hurry up, you know, everyone's waiting for you. Hiro's probably never going to forgive you for putting him through this. You're going to have to do a lot groveling to make up to him."

A quiet sound made him turn his head. Tohma stood in the doorway, and entered only when Yuki nodded silently. He stepped quietly inside and made his way over to stand next to Yuki. He rested a hand on Yuki's shoulder as he gazed at the still figure.

"Are you alright?" he asked quietly.

"I've found him." Yuki answered.

Tohma nodded. "You can stay here. Jim's sorting things out with the hospital. He had to pull a bit of rank with the security. Apparently they were ready to come in here with guns blazing after the hysterical call the nurse made. You must have really frightened her."

"She tried to stop me."

"Ah. Yes. Well, that would have set you off. I suppose I should be glad you restrained yourself to just threatening her." Yuki said nothing. Tohma squeezed his shoulder gently.

"I'm going to go and speak to the doctors, okay? I'll come back when I've found out more."

"I'm not going anywhere."

"I know." and Tohma left as quietly as he had arrived.

It was much later in the day when Tohma returned. Nurses had entered the room and left silently, eyeing Yuki with curiousity, mixed with fear. Word had been passed quickly about his earlier behaviour. They treated him like he was some kind of wild animal. Yuki didn't care. He paid them no mind at all. All his attention was focused on the figure before him.

Tohma entered and returned to his place by Yuki's chair. "Do you want to hear what I've found out?"

Yuki chewed his lip. Did he? Did he want to know anything else? Tohma was giving him the choice. No, he had to know. "Tell me."

Tohma walked over to the window, turning so he could lean against the window ledge. He looked tired, Yuki thought. But then probably they all did.

"I spoke with the doctor. By the way, they were relieved to finally have a name to put to one of the survivors. They still hadn't been able to find out anything about them. It sounds like it was going to be more a process of elimination. They were trying to get permission to have dental charts sent to them for all the passengers on the manifest and just start trying to find a match. A apparently there's the usual government hold ups. So they were really pleased to finally be able to place a name to a person." Yuki said nothing.

"The doctors have told me that it's pretty bad, Eiri. He may recover from the burns, but the scaring is going to be horrific and there's no guarantee that synthetic skins, or grafts will work. They are also not sure if the internal damage to his organs will rectify itself. The intensity of the heat in the air from the crash that he breathed in, seared his throat, larynx and lungs. It practically boiled most of the other organs in his body."

Tohma was being extremely blunt, some might even say brutal, but Yuki didn't mind. He would rather know it all.

"There is also no guarantee that he will even come out of this coma. That's a very big if, apparently. If he does, they can't vouch that there wont have been severe brain damage, and with the burns to the face, there is every chance that he will be blind." Tohma paused in his recitation.

"Anything else?" Yuki asked, not moving.

"No. That's about it."

"I see."

Tohma shifted, walking back to Yuki. "I've arranged for you to stay here in the hospital. There's a room you can use just down the hallway."

"I'll stay here."

"Eiri," Tohma chided softly. "Don't be difficult. You can stay in the hospital and you are only a few rooms away. Be happy with that."

Yuki clenched his teeth, then nodded acceptance. Tohma was right. He was, at least, going to be staying in the hospital. He was still close to Shuichi. He just didn't want to leave Shuichi's side for one moment. Not now that he had found him.

"I'll bring your bag up now. This is Jim's cell number. You have mine. I don't know where we'll be staying but Jim said it wont be too far away. So call me if you need anything."

"Fine."

Tohma disappeared, only to return not long after. "Your bag is in the room. The hospital staff know where you are. I'm going to leave you now. Okay?"

"Yes."

Tohma nodded. "All right. I'll be back in the morning." He walked to the door and opening it, before turning. "Try to get some sleep yourself, Eiri." and his stepped outside and was gone.

The days began to slide away. Yuki lived at the hospital and Tohma came every day. Sometimes staying for a number of hours, other times no more than a few minutes. He would take away Yuki's dirty laundry, returning clean clothes later. Sometimes he would coerce Yuki away from his bedside vigil to get a meal, trying different places located within easy reach of the hospital. Yuki didn't see Jim, but Tohma assured him that everything was fine, and Jim had simply returned to work.

During this time, Yuki fell into a routine. Sleep, wake up, sit by Shuichi's bed. He would often talk to Shuichi, talking about the past, talking about the future. He would even sit and read, quite often until he, himself, fell asleep. He intently watched everything the medical staff did to Shuichi. His Shuichi. He hated the thought of anyone else, even medical staff, touching his partner. The doctors would often speak to him, letting him know the progress. Or in this case, the lack of it. It was not encouraging.

"You've got to try harder, Shuichi. It's not like you to just give up. Something like this wouldn't stop you, you're too tough. I want to take you home. I want us to go home together, you and me. There's too many things that both of us want to do. You haven't yet succeeded in becoming the biggest rock star in the world. Isn't that your dream? You've still got a ways to go yet, so you can't just give up now."

Yuki wiped a tear away, looking at the still figure. "You've got to get better, Shuichi. You can't leave me. I wont let you. Not after all this." The tears continued down his cheeks. He was so tired of crying, but he couldn't seem to stop.

"I know….I don't always say the things I should to you. I know I should be able to say them. You deserve to hear them, but I'm a coward. Scared to show you just how much you mean to me, how much I need you. I don't know what to do without you. My life seems so…..empty. There's this big hole in it, a hole that only you can fill. Do you know how much you mean to me? Even though I don't say it, maybe don't even show it enough, but do you know? Do you, Shuichi? I need to ask you that. You have to tell me if you do. If you don't, I promise I'll make it up to you. I promise that from now on, I will tell you how much you mean to me, and I'll show you too. So you wont ever have to worry, or doubt again. You're the most important thing in my life, Shuichi. The only important thing. Without you…I'm nothing."

He was crying hard now, dropping his head into his hands, sobbing. How he needed Shuichi back!

The days moved to weeks, drifting together into an endless stream. Tohma sat on the end of the bed and watched as Yuki dressed in fresh clothes after his shower.

"It's hard to believe that eight weeks have gone by."

"Hmm." was Yuki's response, and he raked his fingers through his damp hair.

Tohma noticed how much thinner Yuki had become. He continued speaking. "I still haven't told anyone else yet. I've told Mika, of course. She was almost frantic with worry, but I've asked her to keep it to herself. Even from Tatsuha. They can't do anything, so I don't believe there's any point worrying them further. Once Shuichi is able to be moved, we can get him home."

"Hhmmm."

"Ready?"

Yuki's answer was to walk towards the door. Tohma stood and followed him out to the corridor.

"Another died early this morning." Tohma said quietly, as they walked side by side. He noticed Yuki's step falter a little before he gained his stride again. He was referring to another of the survivors. Over the past eight weeks, three of the original survivors had died due to the severity of their injuries and complications arising later. The doctors had indicated that two would pull through, though not unscathed. The others…well, the prognosis was not looking good. He didn't say all this to Yuki. It accomplished nothing if he told him.

Suddenly an alarm resounded loudly, startling them both. They were familiar with this sound, they had heard it too many times. There was a rush of feet, the clanking of trolleys moving at high speed and an entourage of white coated doctors flew down the corridor towards them like great birds of prey. They disappeared into a room as quickly as they had appeared.

Tohma and Yuki still stood where they had stopped.

"No…" Tohma heard Yuki say softly. He looked over at him and was shocked to see Yuki's face completely dead white, eye wide and staring down the corridor. Suddenly Yuki set off at a run, a sprint that carried him the remaining distance to the door where the medical staff had entered, Tohma at his heels. He slammed the door open and froze at the tableau before him.

People were crowded around the bed, pushing buttons on monitors, pulling at tubes.

"Get him out of here!" one of the doctors shouted, before turning back to his patient.

Yuki could see the monitor readings going crazy. No, his mind was screaming, no….no…..no. A nurse had grabbed his arm and was trying to lead him out, but he easily brushed her aside, with little thought.

"I said get him out!"

This time two burly orderlies left their posts and grabbed an arm each, dragging Yuki backwards. He began to fight them, struggling.

"No! NO!" it was all he could scream at them as he was forcibly dragged from the room.

The door was slammed in his face as soon as he was pushed into the corridor. He heard the click of the lock and slammed a fist against it in rage. He immediately turned to the long glass window, pressing his hands against it, face a mere few inches away as he watched what was happening inside. His guts were churning, in anger, in fear. His hands clenched into fists.

"No," he whispered, begging in his mind, pleading to any deity that would listen. "Come on, Shuichi. Come on. You can do it. Just keep trying. I'm still here. I haven't left you. Don't you leave me!"

The activity in the room seemed to slow down. There was less of the appearance of franticness, less urgency. Was everything okay now? He continued to pray in his mind.

The doctors stood away, the nurses turned to the equipment. Yuki saw one reach out and the respirator halted its motion midway, and didn't move again. Icy coldness coursed through his veins.

No, he whispered in his mind.

Nurses were calmly removing the tubes that connected patient to equipment.

No.

The doctors were talking to each other, then one marked something on the bed chart, as the other stepped forward and drew the sheet up entirely covering the body.

"NO!" Yuki screamed out, slamming his fists hard against the glass.

All those inside turned, startled by the sound.

Yuki continued to slam his fists into the glass, over and over again. "No! Shuichi! Shuichi!"

He didn't feel Tohma clinging to him, trying to hold him back. He continued to pound the glass, screaming out to his partner.

"SHUICHI!"

Hot tears were flooding down his face. He couldn't breathe, he couldn't breathe!

"SHUICHI!" he howled, throwing his head back. "YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME!" and then with a great gulping sob, he slid down to fall to his knees, hands still weakly hitting the glass as though trying to reach out and grasp that which had already slipped away.


	6. Chapter 6

Title: The Key to My Heart: Chapter 6

Author: JadeHeart

Located/Archived: Found on & If anyone else would like it, please ask me first

Fandom: Gravitation

Rating: M

Warnings: angst/grief

Author's Note: This is short because it was originally the last part of Chapter 5 when I wrote it, but it didn't seem right when I posted, so I separated them. This is from Yuki's point of view – and it is supposed to be a little confusing, repetitive and generally traumatic. It's trying to reflect those scrambled thoughts that crash through your mind in extreme emotional states.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own the characters in this, except that of Agent Jim Harris who is my original character. All other main characters belong to the creators of 'Gravitation', nor am I making any profits from this story.

Chapter 6

He was drowning. Drowning in a sea of sorrow. Struggling as he was pulled deeper and deeper into the depths of despair.

He was suffocating. The breath was being stolen from his lungs. His body was being crushed, weights dragging him down into darkness. Darkness that swallowed him.

Where was he? He had been at the hospital. Yes, there was a world out there. Probably still was, although he couldn't see it. He couldn't hear it. Couldn't smell it.

Where was he?

He was numb. Did he have a body any more? What was a body? A shell, a casing, a vessel. A vessel for what? What did it hold?

His heart. His fragile, broken heart. A heart that hurt. Not just hurt, not just ached. Agony…..pain. Rip it out, throw it away. Take the pain away. Anything, but this pain.

No.

Don't take his heart. His heart belongs to another. It was his, always his, had always been his. No-one else's. It belonged to him. Only him. Where was he now? How could he go? Why did he go? He knew he was there. Had been there all this time. Had come all this way. Would go to the ends of the earth and beyond to be with him. His heart belonged to that person. That one person in all this world. Only he could take his heart.

He hurt.

It was dark. So dark. He was alone. He knew he was alone. How could he be alone? He wasn't supposed to be alone. He was supposed to be there. He was supposed to always be there. With him. By his side. Never leaving him.

Where was he?

He's gone. But why would he leave? He couldn't follow him. Didn't know where he had gone. He had left him.

No.

He couldn't leave him. He wouldn't let him leave him.

No.

No.

No.

Never.

He would not be left behind.


	7. Chapter 7

Title: The Key to My Heart: Chapter 7

Author: JadeHeart

Located/Archived: Found on & If anyone else would like it, please ask me first

Fandom: Gravitation

Rating: M

Warnings: angst

**Disclaimer: **I do not own the characters in this, except that of Agent Jim Harris who is my original character. All other main characters belong to the creators of 'Gravitation', and I am making any profits from this story.

Chapter 7

Tohma worriedly looked at where Yuki was sitting on the bed. He was silent now after his extreme outburst earlier. But what broke Tohma's heart was to see the silent path of tears coursing down Yuki's face, never ending.

It had been with great difficulty that Tohma had managed, with some assistance, to bring Yuki back here to his room. It was over now. He had to get Yuki away from here.

His forehead creased with worry. He wanted to go and speak to the doctors, before they disappeared into the depths of the bowels of this hospital, but he was afraid to leave Yuki on his own in his current state. He frowned, wandering what to do, then nodded to himself. Yuki wasn't going anywhere at present.

With that decision made, Tohma turned and quickly left the room, making his way back to the nurses' station. He spotted the doctor still there and approached.

"Doctor?" he said.

The practitioner turned to face him "Ah, Mr Seguchi."

"I wanted to thank you for all your assistance over this time. It has been appreciated." Tohma gave a brief bow of respect.

"I'm sorry for your loss." The doctor's expression softened. "How is your friend doing?"

"Not well." was Tohma's honest reply.

"I'll give you a script." the doctored turned and grabbed a note pad, scribbling for a moment. "It's some heavy sedatives which should help him at least sleep. But please only take them as directed."

Tohma accepted the paper.

"And a friendly word of warning," the doctor continued seriously. "I wouldn't let him near the bottle himself. You don't want him deciding to take an overdose."

"I agree. Thank you. What formalities are required to be completed now?"

"We need to do a brief autopsy. As you know, the government is still concerned about this particular event and the investigations are on-going. I am aware of religious beliefs in this matter but I hope you can understand the necessity of this. Do you know if the family would have any objections to such a procedure?"

"I understand the need, and will explain it to the family. I know they will not object, if you can delay until I have made the necessary arrangements?"

"Of course. We have a Religious Councillor residing in the hospital who will be able to assist you in making these arrangements. If you can notify me as soon as we are able to continue it would be appreciated."

"I will certainly do so. It won't take more than a day."

"That's good. It will help speed up the process. We've just been notified that we'll be receiving the dental records of all the passengers tomorrow, so we can make a positive identification and put the paperwork through. It's been frustrating to have all those records held somewhere in the Pentagon as they investigated every person. We really could have used them here earlier."

"It must have been a difficult time for the hospital." Tohma sympathized. "I will be taking my friend with me, but you have my contact number on file if you require anything else."

The doctor looked down at the folder in his hand and confirmed this. "Will you be remaining here in the States a while longer?"

"Until you indicate that my presence is no longer required. I would like to take Shindou back to Japan with us."

"I'm sure that can be arranged. It may take a little time though."

Tohma nodded. "I understand. Thank you once again." and he gave a final bow and left.

He returned to find Yuki exactly where he left him. He quickly moved around the room, packing Yuki's things. Still Yuki didn't move. And the tears continued to flow.

When the packing was done, Tohma picked up the room phone as he couldn't use his cell in the hospital and dialed. He finally heard a familiar voice on the other end,

"Jim Harris."

"Jim."

"Tohma! Buddy! How's it doing?" Jim sounded cheerful and Tohma's stomach knotted.

He cleared his throat. "Shindou…passed away this morning."

"Oh, shit, man." Jim's voice dropped to a whisper. "I am so sorry. How's Yuki doing?"

Tohma glanced over at the silent figure. "Poorly."

"Yeah. I can guess. Poor bastard." A sigh. "So, what are you going to do?"

"I'm taking Eiri back to my hotel. The doctors are going to do the autopsy and arrange for the clearance to return the body to Japan. They said they've finally received the dental records so they can make a positive identification."

"Hhumph." Jim snorted. "The bloody red tape that those records have been caught up in! Sometimes I think all this is just about some people trying to justify their jobs. They haven't got a clue about what they're doing to others in the process."

Tohma heard some shouting in the background, over Jim's voice.

"Look, Tohma. I've really got to go. Sorry."

"That's fine. You have a job to do."

"I'll call you later. If I can do anything to speed things up, let me know. 'K?"

"I will. And thank you for everything you have done for us."

"Anytime, pal. Talk later." and he hung up.

Tohma set the phone down and stood there for a moment. He could feel his own emotions begin to turn, twist inside him. He had liked Shindou, for all that the kid also drove him to distraction. He still couldn't see what Yuki saw in the boy, but there was no denying that Shindou had been exactly what Yuki had needed. What he had wanted. It had been quite a pairing.

Tohma took a deep breath and straightened. There were still things to do. He filled the script he had been provided. Then he organized a wheel chair, bundling Yuki's tall, unresponsive body into it, placing his bag on his knees. He called for a taxi, and by the time he had reached the main entrance, it was waiting for him. He was pleased that the taxi driver was of a compassionate nature, and got out to help him move Yuki into the car. Tohma left his arm around Yuki's shoulder, holding him tightly as they drove to the hotel.

The taxi driver looked at them in the rear view mirror. "You boys alright?" He was a white haired, grizzled older man with a soft voice.

Tohma looked up. "Yes. Yes, we're fine."

"Sonny, it sure doesn't look it." Tohma didn't respond.

The driver spoke again. "I've been doing this area for nearly 40 years. Since that hospital went up a while back, you're not the first passengers I've had in my cab that looks like that. I know what it's like to lose someone. My wife passed away five years ago in that very hospital. It's never easy."

They pulled up in front of the hotel. Tohma struggled to pull Yuki out.

"Here, let me." the taxi driver suddenly said. He was taller than Tohma, and broader in the shoulder, and for all his age seemed to still have substantial strength. He physically dragged Yuki from the car and slung one arm over his shoulder. "Come on." he said to Tohma. "I'll help you get him inside."

Tohma grabbed the bag and hurried inside. They drew a few looks at their unusual group, but Tohma didn't care. He pushed the door to his room open and assisted the driver to lay Yuki down on the bed.

"Thank you so much for your kindness and help." Tohma said with a low grateful bow.

The driver waved it away. "No sweat. Wish I could do more."

"You have done more than many would, and I thank you." Tohma pressed the taxi fare into the man's hand, with something extra.

The driver noticed the extra folded bill and his eyes widened at seeing the $100 note. "Hey, I can't take this! It's far too much!"

Tohma closed the man's fingers around the money. "Please take it. It is the only way I can show you my gratefulness for your kindness. So please, accept it."

The driver opened his mouth as though to refuse, but then closed it. "Thanks." he said, voice thick with emotion. "Thanks a lot."

Tohma nodded and closed the door behind the driver.

He let out another sigh. How he wanted to speak to Mika, to hear her voice. He turned to the bed. Now wasn't the time though. He made his way over to Yuki and began to try and make him as comfortable as possible. When Yuki was under the covers, he sat down beside him, watching. Yuki just continued to stare up at the ceiling. The tears had finally stopped, though some still clung to his lashes, like dew drops.

Tohma just sat and watched.

Tohma stepped out of the shower, feeling a little better. Yuki's eyes had finally closed a number of hours later. The trauma had finally taken its toll on the body, and the mind sought refuge in sleep.

Tohma had been frantic as Yuki thrashed around in his sleep, screaming out Shuichi's name, crying in huge sobs that shook his whole body. It was heartbreaking. Tohma could do nothing, except try to hold him, soothe his demons. It had been a long day.

Yuki was still sleeping now, finally falling into a more peaceful slumber, only occasionally punctuated with soft moans. Night had fallen, and Tohma had got stiffly out of his car and went to shower. He felt dreadful.

He had called Mika, spoken to her. She had been strong for him, for which he was extremely grateful. If she had broken down on the phone as well, it would have undone him completely. He knew that she would cry later, but whilst they talked, she only showed concern for himself and for Yuki's state. He had really needed to hear that calm even voice. He had finally allowed himself then to cry.

He checked on Yuki again. Still sleeping. He walked out to the balcony. He wished they were back in Japan. Soon. Hopefully soon. They needed to get away from here. He yawned. He felt completely drained. He needed to sleep as well.

He walked back inside and carefully locked the balcony door, hiding the key. He didn't need to be worrying about Yuki getting up in the middle of the night and trying to commit suicide. Until Yuki woke up and was more like himself, Tohma had no way of knowing just what sort of state his mind was in after his loss. It was an uncertain time.

He tucked the blankets around Yuki a little tighter so they wouldn't slip off during the night as he tossed. Reaching out he brushed a strand of hair away from Yuki's face. He shook his head. Poor Eiri. He lost his important person again. How cruel could fate be?

He let out a soft sigh and turned to the other bed, crawling in and switched off the light. He lay there for a moment, trying to relax enough to sleep. Tomorrow was another day. But another day was not going to change the events of this one. He really didn't know what he was going to do next, and not knowing was a new experience for Tohma Seguchi.

Tohma was relieved that Yuki at least seemed a little more in the real world the next morning, when he woke close to lunchtime. He had been fearful that his friend would have retreated into some catatonic state, not that he would have blamed Yuki if he had. But Yuki did respond to his soft questions, even had some coffee, though he didn't touch anything else. Tohma didn't push the issue. He gave one of the sedatives to Yuki. For even though he seemed calm, Tohma could see the tension knotted in Yuki's face, in his neck and back muscles. Yuki took the tablet without protest.

Yuki sat in a chair looking out the balcony doors. Tohma was still taking no chances, and the door remained locked, but Yuki didn't seem too curious about that. Tohma let the TV drone in the background, and tried to read during the course of the afternoon.

His cell phone rang, startling him. He picked it up and checked the number. It was the hospital.

"Hello."

"Mr Seguchi?"

"Speaking."

"It's Dr Charles. Could you please come back to the hospital for a moment. There is something I would like to discuss with you."

Tohma glanced over to where Yuki sat quietly. He frowned. He didn't think it was a good idea to leave Yuki alone, and there was no way he was taking him back to the hospital.

"I really don't think I can do so, Doctor. Can't this be done over the phone?"

"Ah, yes, sorry. Your friend. Of course, that makes it difficult. I wouldn't normally do this over the phone, but in the circumstances it may be best. We've received the dental records of the patients. You did say the name of the patient here was Shuichi Shindou, correct?"

"Yes."

"Could you please spell it for me?" Tohma did so. "Fine," The doctor asked a few more questions which Tohma answered to the best of his ability, with what little knowledge he had of Shuichi. Yuki would have been the better one to provide this information.

"Doctor, just what is going on?"

"Well, I don't quite know how to tell you this. It's never happened before, and after all that you and your friend have been through."

Tohma felt his stomach knotting up again. Now what? What had happened?

He heard the doctor sigh. "Mr Seguchi. We went through all the dental records and the passenger manifest and could match up all the names, including your Mr Shindou. So we used his dental records for the identification, and from the medical information you have just provided me, I've compared it with the autopsy findings. I have to tell you, Mr Seguchi. The patient in room 213 is not Shuichi Shindou."

Tohma stood there, frozen.

"Mr Seguchi? Mr Seguchi?"

He couldn't respond. He began to shake. Not…Shuichi? After all of this, it's not Shuichi? Yuki went through all of this for …..nothing!

"Mr Seguchi? Are you still there?"

"Ah. Yes. Sorry, Doctor."

"That is quite alright. I understand how much of a shock this must be for you. I can only say it was unavoidable due to not being able to make an earlier identification, but I'm extremely sorry that your friend has been through all this."

"Yes. So, if that was not Shindou, where is he?" Now, he thought, now we find out that he perished right at the start, and everything has been entirely for naught.

"Well, I've done some checking myself. Most of the passengers that perished have now been identified from the remains taken at the site. We've matched up the records with the patients that were brought here, but two were originally taken to another hospital."

Another hospital? Tohma's mind spun. Another hospital! He hadn't known about this. There had been no information!

"Why…why didn't we know?"

"The two that went elsewhere were in a less critical condition than those here. We specialize in severe burns, so naturally the majority came to us. But from what I can gather, two of the patients were not considered to be in such a bad state and could be accommodated elsewhere. We have a very limited number of beds in the ICU, so if a patient doesn't need to be here for our special treatment, the other hospitals take them."

"Do you know what hospital?"

The doctor gave him the name and address. Tohma scribbled it down.

"I've only just found out about this myself," the doctor continued. "So I'm sending all the dental records over to them now by courier. They'll have had time to go through them by tomorrow, so go there then. I'll leave a message for them to expect you."

"Doctor, thank you again for your help."

"It's the least I can do after everything you two have been through. I really hope you find the person you're looking for."

"I do also. Thank you."

Tohma hung up, looking down at the hospital name scrawled on the notepad. His hands were shaking. He found that somewhat amusing in a way. He prided himself on his self control, and yet here he was shaking like a leaf.

He looked over at Yuki. Should he tell him? He didn't know if they would find Shuichi at the other hospital. Shuichi could still be dead. Should he make Yuki go through all that again?

But he couldn't stand to see Yuki so broken like this. Whilst he had hope, he continued to live. So Tohma would give him that hope, give him the hope that Shuichi may still be out there. Until they find out otherwise.

He walked over and knelt next to Yuki, placing a hand on his knee. "Hey," he said quietly, looking up into the blank face. The eyes flicked downwards. "Eiri, I want you to listen to me, very carefully." Yuki said nothing. Tohma maintained the eye contact.

"That was the doctor from the hospital. They've checked Shindou's dental records. Eiri, that wasn't Shindou in that room. They have positively identified that it wasn't Shuichi Shindou. Do you understand?"

There was a flicker of emotion deep in those golden eyes. The lips moved a little, a ghost of a breath. Then Yuki spoke.

"Not…"

"No." Tohma said firmly, still looking up at Yuki's face. "It's not Shuichi."

"Then…"

"Listen. The doctor said that two survivors were taken to another hospital. He doesn't know anything more. He's sent the dental records over there now for them to verify. He told us to go tomorrow and ask."

"Not….Shuichi?"

"Eiri, you've got to listen to me. I don't know if you will find Shuichi there. It may still not change anything. You know that, don't you?"

"Not…Shuichi." A single tear slipped down Yuki's face. "Not Shuichi." His voice was getting stronger.

Tohma sighed. He had been right. It was only hope that drove Yuki onwards now. He took a deep breathe and stood, holding his hand out to Yuki.

"Come on then. You need to have a shower, get dressed, and we are going downstairs to eat a proper meal for once. It's going to be a busy day tomorrow."

Yuki sat there for a moment. Then slowly, his hand stretched out and clasped Tohma's.


	8. Chapter 8

Title: The Key to My Heart: Chapter 8

Author: JadeHeart

Located/Archived: Found on & If anyone else would like it, please ask me first

Fandom: Gravitation

Rating: M

Warnings: angst, bad language

**Disclaimer: **I do not own the characters in this, except that of Dr Krancski who is my original character. All other main characters belong to the creators of 'Gravitation', and I am not making any profits from this story.

Chapter 8

The sound of running water ceased as Yuki turned the taps off. He set the razor back down and watched his reflection, as he ran a hand over his freshly shaven chin. The image looking back seemed like a stranger.

His face was pale, far paler than his fair complexion was want to be. Dark circles shadowed his eyes, standing out starkly. His eyes looked dull, even to himself. His face was definitely a lot thinner, and glancing down at the reflection of his chest, he could see the ribs standing out more prominently. He didn't look good.

He took a deep breath, leaning on the basin. He had to pull himself together. They were about to head over to the other hospital. He clenched his jaw. He knew that it was a slim hope at best. In the coldly analytical part of his mind, he knew that. He knew that Tohma was worried that he didn't realize it, but he did.

But in the other part of him, deep in his heart, he refused to believe it. Would not believe it. For the fear of believing it was almost paralyzing.

He began to shake, and gripped the edge of the basin harder, taking a couple of deep breaths. Focus, he thought to himself. Don't give in. It did no-one any good. He took another breath, and unclenched his hands. Tohma had told him that two survivors had been transferred to the other hospital. How typical that it would be one on the far side of the city. Couldn't be in easy distance - no, that would be too convenient.

He still didn't know if he would find Shuichi there. The chances were a million to one. Probably greater. Yuki wasn't much of a gambling man, and the odds on this one were so high that he wouldn't have placed a bet on it to save his life. He knew that. He truly did.

He felt his eyes begin to burn with unshed tears. Hurriedly, he reached down and splashed water over his face. He glared at himself in the mirror, water falling in droplets from his hair around his face. Don't! he growled in his mind to himself. Don't you dare break down again and be a fool!

Another deep breath. He straightened up, still staring at himself. He would go and find out the truth this time. This was the last stop. There was no where after this. And afterwards…..

Well, afterwards he would know what he had to do. If Shuichi…he choked a little at the name, then let the thought continue. If Shuichi wasn't there, if he was truly gone….then…..then Yuki would return to Japan. It would be over. He swallowed against the lump in his throat, as he turned to grab the towel, scrubbing it over his face, wiping away water, and tears.

Tohma looked up as Yuki exited the bathroom. He had been worrying the whole time. Yuki had eaten rather well last night, the first signs of his usual appetite returning, and then, after another sleeping tablet, had slept entirely through the night. The most telling thing had been that it had been a reasonably peaceful sleep, no nightmares seeming to plague his slumber. Tohma knew this because he couldn't sleep himself due to his worry. He half smiled to himself. Soon he would be the one on tranquilizers, not Yuki!

Yuki had awoken seeming far more like himself, even if he was still somewhat subdued. Now, Tohma watched him grab the shirt that had been laid out for him, shrugging it over his shoulders, leaving it unbuttoned as he reached for his packet of cigarettes.

"Here." Tohma said, holding out a glass to him.

Yuki took it, and without asking, took a gulp. His face screwed up, eyes widening, then he swiftly turned his head and spat it out in a steam, gagging.

"What the fucking hell was that!" he snapped in anger.

Tohma reached out and took the glass from Yuki's hand before it could be thrown at him, refusing to tell Yuki about the concoction of mouthwash, soya and chilli sauce and milk.

"Just checking to see what reaction I would get." he said mildly.

"I should knock your fucking head off!"

"Now, now, Eiri," Tohma said, holding up a hand and waggling a finger at him. "Is that any way to treat family?"

"You fucking psychotic twerp!"

"Ah, that's my old Eiri!" Tohma said with a broad smile.

Yuki wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, grimacing at the bitter taste still left, glaring at his brother-in-law who was grinning in front of him like a demented peacock.

"You are seriously fucking nuts!" he growled, turning to the mini-bar and pulling out a beer, quickly popping the cap, and swirling a mouthful around before swallowing.

Tohma just smiled at him sweetly. "Are you nearly ready to go?"

Yuki threw him a baleful look. "After I've had a bloody cigarette!"

Tohma held his hands out in acquiescence. "Of course. I wouldn't want to rush you."

"Humph!" Yuki snorted, as he opened the balcony door and stepped out into the morning sunlight.

He cupped the flame to the end of his cigarette, to prevent it from blowing out with the strengthening wind, and took a drag. It was a little cool outside, for all there was some warmth in the sun. He would still need to take his coat.

He took another drag, looking out over the view. Somewhere over there was where they were heading. He half nodded to himself, chewing his lip. Soon. Soon he would finally know. One way, or the other. The smoke drifted away.

Time to go. He tossed the still smoking cigarette towards the ground, heedless of the fact that there could be passer-bys just underneath, and turned to re-enter the room. Tohma was just leaving the bathroom, having completed his own morning ablutions.

Yuki finished buttoning his shirt and grabbed his coat. "Well?" he said to Tohma sharply. "Have you finished preening? Don't know who you think you're going to impress."

Tohma couldn't help the smile that crossed his face. Ah, it was just so good to have Eiri back to normal, he thought, delighted. "You never know, Eiri, you never know. It doesn't hurt to be prepared!"

"Whatever. Come on, or the day will be bloody over!" and he stalked out the room.

Tohma couldn't stop the small chuckle that escaped him. Perhaps things would be alright after all. What ever happens.

Tohma had ensured that a taxi was waiting for them. He gave the address he had been given and then sat back. After a time, he spoke. "Are you going to be alright?" he quietly asked Yuki, not looking at him.

Yuki didn't turn his head either. "Yeah."

"Truly?"

"You want a written bloody testament to the fact!"

This time Tohma did turn, and looked at Yuki seriously, all signs of humour gone.

"Eiri," he said firmly. "You know what you're going to, don't you? You've already been there once. This may change nothing - nothing at all. Are you really telling me you're alright about it?"

Yuki was silent for a moment, still refusing to look at Tohma. Then he spoke, "I know. I'll deal."

Tohma had to accept that answer. "Fine then."

They sat in silence for the rest of the trip, the sound of the cab's radio playing in the background, the general morning traffic noise drifting through the glass to them. It took more than half an hour before they reached their destination, and it had taken all of Yuki's self control to hide his impatience.

They stepped into the chilled atmosphere. Yuki could feel himself begin to shiver, and it wasn't just from the cold air. He could feel his heart beginning to pound, his vision beginning to grow dark, as recent memories threatened to overwhelm him. A hand on his arm made him turn, focusing onto Tohma's concerned face.

"Take it easy. Breathe."

Yuki followed the instructions, never taking his eyes from Tohma's, using that as his focus point to calm his racing thoughts. Slowly, he felt the tightness in his chest release.

"Better?"

Yuki nodded curtly, not trusting himself to speak.

"Good." Tohma patted his arm gently, then turned to walk over to the reception desk. Yuki trailed him.

"Excuse me," Tohma queried politely.

The nurse glanced up, then raised her head completely so she could look Tohma full in the face, appreciation in her eyes. Tohma put on his most suave smile, charm positively dripping from him. The nurse fell under his spell immediately.

"Yes, can I help you, sir?"

Tohma propped his elbows on the top of the tall counter and rested his chin on his laced hands.

"I'm hoping you can. We were told to come here and speak to a Doctor Karancski. Could you tell us where we might find him?"

The nurse dragged her eyes away from the angelic face before her, to focus on the computer screen at her elbow. It took a few moments of tapping on the keyboard before she spoke again.

"I'm afraid the doctor is currently in theater. Can anyone else help?"

Tohma looked saddened, gazing down at her upturned face. "Ah, sadly, no. We must speak to Dr Karancski only. Could you tell us what time he will be finished so we may speak to him after?"

"We," the nurse hesitantly began, "We don't generally do that."

Tohma flashed another blinding smile. "We would be most grateful, and he is expecting us."

She visibly weakened. "Well, I suppose it might be alright…"

"Could you just tell us where we could wait for him perhaps? A place where we would be able to speak to him when he's done?"

"It could be sometime before he is finished." the nurse said.

"We're willing to wait however long is required." Tohma assured her.

"I guess," she quickly glanced around her to see if she could be overheard, then leant a little forward, closer to Tohma. "I could let you go to the waiting room directly next to the theater. It's supposed to only be for the family of the patient being operated on. If you're there, Dr Karancski will definitely come in to see you."

Tohma straightened up and reached a hand over the counter towards her. Startled, she reached out and placed her hand in his, watching with wide eyes as he raised it to his lips.

"Thank you for your kind assistance." he said warmly, his breath caressing the back of her hand.

A blush suffused her features as Tohma released his grip. "Oh. Oh, that's quite alright, sir." She shuffled through some papers, clearly flustered, before writing on some paper with a shaking hand and passing the note to Tohma.

"Here are directions of how to get there. I'm afraid I can't take you there myself, but I can't leave the reception unattended."

Tohma gave her another smile. "That's such a shame, but I quite understand. I'm sure we'll be more than fine. Have a lovely day."

"And you, too, sir!"

Tohma smiled once more, and walked towards the lift.

"You are such a fucking flirt." Yuki growled from behind.

Tohma tossed a smirk over his shoulder at his friend. "But it worked. Aren't you now glad for my 'preening', as you put it?"

"Huh!" was the only reply.

They followed the written directions without difficulty, all the corridors and wings were clearly marked, and they soon found themselves in the waiting room. Yuki threw himself down onto the couch there.

"I saw a coffee machine down the corridor. Would you like one?" Tohma asked.

Yuki reached into his pocket for his cigarettes. "Yeah."

"I wouldn't do that, if I were you." Tohma warned.

"What?" Yuki snapped.

"That." Tohma pointed to the cigarette in his hands.

"Why not? There's no-one here!"

"True, but unless you plan to be waiting in a swimming pool, it probably wouldn't be a good idea." and Tohma pointed skywards.

Looking up, Yuki noticed the ceiling fire sprinklers. Damn it! Where the bloody hell could he go to have a fucking smoke!

"Why don't I ask if there's a place you can smoke, while I'm getting the coffee?" Tohma said, as he turned to walk out the door. "In your state of mind, if you tried to ask you would probably be providing Dr Karancski with another patient to operate on, and I, for one, would like to speak to the good doctor sooner, rather han later!"

"Shut up!" Yuki tossed at his departing back. He leant his head back on the couch. He really needed a smoke! His nostrils wrinkled at the astringent smell of antiseptic as it wafted through the door upon Tohma's departure. How he had come to hate that smell!

He got up and began to pace. His nerves prevented him sitting still. Who knows how long they would have to wait here. He should have expected this. He hadn't been thinking straight. From his two months stay at the other hospital, he knew how busy the doctors were, how infrequently they would be seen. At least they were here, and close by.

He heard a scuff outside the door and it swung open to reveal Tohma, holding two steaming cups.

"Come this way," he motioned with his head. Yuki followed him out into the corridor and Tohma led them further along, before turning right, passing through another section and reaching a sliding door.

"After you." Tohma said, and Yuki opened the door, stepping out into the open air. Tohma followed, and Yuki pushed the door closed behind them.

Yuki immediately reached for his cigarettes, lighting one, and inhaled deeply, tipping his head back with closed eyes.

"Here." Tohma held out one of the cups and Yuki took it. He took a sip, sucking in the cold air to cool his scorched tongue. Damn, that's hot! He took another, more careful, sip and felt the familiar buzz as the caffeine began to seep into his bloodstream. That's good stuff!

"Are we supposed to be here?" he asked Tohma.

"Yes. It's actually set aside for visitors waiting in this wing. They don't encourage it, but obviously recognize that at times of stress some people could really be needing to calm their nerves with a cigarette."

"So they should." Yuki grunted. Tohma smiled and sipped his coffee.

"How long do you think we'll have to wait?" Yuki asked.

"I asked the head nurse, and she said it could be a number of hours yet. Are you up to the wait?" he looked at Yuki.

Yuki took another drag on his cigarette. "Have to be, don't I? No bloody point leaving now."

"We could always just come back later." Tohma suggested quietly.

"And probably miss the bastard! I don't think so! If we stay here, he can't ignore us."

"Fair enough." Tohma finished the last of his coffee. "Well, if that's the case, I'm going to go downstairs and find something to read. Any preferences?"

"No."

"Can you find your way back to the room?"

"I'm not fucking five years old!"

"No-one said you were." Tohma replied mildly. "I'll see you later." and he left.

Damn Tohma! Yuki fumed, lighting up another cigarette. He drove him crazy at times, acting like a bloody mother hen! When was he ever going to realize that Yuki had grown up!

He snorted, and calmed himself. He knew that Tohma was just trying to help, and knew full well that he owed Tohma a hell of a lot. For previous times, and more recently now. He knew that Tohma had spent long hours on the phone and internet, conversing with his people back at NG, and ensuring that business was continuing. The biggest advantage Tohma had was that he was a shrewd businessman, and had ensured that he surrounded himself only with the most capable of employees. It's not that they could run themselves without Tohma, but Tohma could give them instructions, and they made sure it happened exactly the way he wanted it. Tohma was sometimes too damn clever for himself!

He finished his second cigarette and ground the butt under his shoe. He swallowed the last of the lukewarm coffee and conscientiously picked up the butt and put it in the now empty cup. It wasn't that he was that concerned about cleanliness, but more that he didn't want the nursing staff to start complaining and banning him from using this area again. If they had a long wait he was definitely going to need another cigarette, or two, at some time!

He wandered back inside and dropped the cup into a bin just by the door. He moved back through the corridor and paused a moment to get his bearings. Yes, it's that way. I think. He frowned. Tohma would never let him live it down if he did get himself bloody lost after all. He looked up and down again. Yes, he was pretty certain it was that way. He strode down the corridor. He had better be right!

Fortunately he was correct, and he found the waiting room. Tohma was already there, a number of papers and magazines scattered over the coffee table. He looked up as Yuki entered.

"Glad you could join me," There was a smugness in his voice, as though he knew that Yuki hadn't been 100 percent sure of his way back. Yuki just narrowed his eyes, but bit back on what he could have said. He snatched up a newspaper and sat down heavily. Tohma just smiled.

The hours ticked by. The papers were read, the magazines scanned. They passed between them, mostly in silence. Yuki smoked until his packet was almost empty. It had been full when they had arrived. Coffee cups piled up.

Suddenly the door opened, making them both start as though two naughty boys caught doing something wrong, though that was far from the case. A tall grey haired elderly man stood there, white coat crisply pressed. He frowned at them.

"And just who might you two be?" he said, a frown creasing his forehead.

Tohma stood and quickly stepped closer to extend his greetings. "Dr Karancski," he said, reading the name tag and holding out his hand. "My name is Tohma Seguchi," He motioned to Yuki. "And my brother-in-law, Eiri Yuki. Dr Charles told us to come and speak with you today. I hope it isn't too much of an intrusion, but it is extremely important."

The man's frown disappeared. "Ah, yes. John told me about you both. That's quite alright. I was expecting you. Have you been waiting long?"

"Not at all." Tohma lied smoothly.

Dr Karancski threw him a shrewd look and his lips quirked in a small smile. "You are a very smooth man, Mr Seguchi. Are you a politician?"

Yuki snorted. Tohma just smiled. "No. Actually, I'm a record producer."

"Really. My daughter would probably know something about that, but I'm afraid I don't have much interest in it."

"Not many people truly do."

"And are you in the music business also?" he asked Yuki.

"No."

The doctor raised an eyebrow at Yuki's monosyllabic answer. Tohma gave a small cough. "Yuki." he chided gently.

Yuki threw him a glare and sighed. "I write."

"Write what?" the doctor pressed.

"Books."

"I see." He looked Yuki over again from head to toe. "Well, we could stand here all day while I tried to put together an entire sentence from your one word answers, but I think there are more important things we need to be discussing. So follow me." and he turned away.

They stepped into the lift and ascended two floors, then followed Dr Karancski to an office marked with his name.

"Come on in, take a seat." he waved them to the two chairs placed before the large desk. He took off his coat and sat behind the desk, facing them.

He shuffled some papers away, glancing at a couple briefly before placing them on different piles.

"Just a moment." he muttered, and scanned a couple of pages before scribbling a signature and dropping them into the Out tray marked as such. He then pulled two files directly in front of him and opened them.

"John Charles contacted me about this and explained your situation." He glanced up at them both, sympathy now evident in his eyes. "You must have gone through hell over there, thinking that was your friend. You can't blame the hospital though. They didn't know we had a couple of others here. We got two that weren't such severe burn cases. Don't get me wrong. They were far from healthy, but we could deal with it here.

With all this cloak and dagger nonsense for the last couple of months, it's been a nightmare for the staff to work in. The number of government officials that have tramped through this place! Well, we dubbed them the 'stuffed shirt brigade'! Thank goodness that it's died down over the past couple of weeks. Maybe now things might be able to get back to normal."

"What can you tell us?" Tohma asked quietly.

"You want to know if your friend is here, right?" Tohma and Yuki said nothing. Dr Karancski nodded. "Yes, I know. You're afraid that you'll find that he's not, which means that he did die in the crash. If you had turned up yesterday to ask this, I wouldn't have been able to tell you anything. Now though, thanks to this," and he held up one of the files before him. "I can."

Yuki felt his heart clench in his chest. His palms were beginning to sweat, his breath coming in pants. The doctor looked over at him.

"Son, you had better stop hyperventilating. I don't need another patient. Just calm down. I think this could be good news."

Yuki stopped breathing completely, holding his breathe at those words.

The doctor continued. "We had two survivors come to us. One is still here; a young woman, still in critical but she's stabilized and conscious and will probably pull through. That's been a great relief for us all. She's been a real trooper. Breathe, son. Blue's not your colour."

Yuki took in a gulp of air.

"As I was saying. One's still here. The other was a young man. He had been crushed under some of the wreckage, and came to us with broken leg and arm bones, broken ribs, collapsed lung, fractured collarbone, and a cracked cheek bone. He had second degree burns across his back, which could have, and should have, been a lot worse, but it seems that the debris that had fallen on him actually acted partially as a shield. So he came off a lot better than he should have, considering. The most worrying thing was he had a fractured skull, which meant a concussion and possible brain damage.

The rest we were able to patch up right away. Broken bones are easy. Put them into place, and there you go. The collapsed lung was a little concern as there was some internal bleeding, but after we operated that righted itself. It helps that he was young, fit and healthy, means that he's got a more than fighting chance. The burns we got straight onto and gradually worked on the grafting, and it was coming along nicely. It would take a while for it to be healed completely, and the dressings have to keep being changed regularly, but the skin growth was responding well.

However, the fractured skull was a bit more of a worry. We had to monitor that pretty carefully, and early on we identified some swelling there. We didn't know if there was any internal bleeding, and anything to do with the brain is a risk at best. Fortunately, the swelling rectified itself, and he came out of the concussion a few weeks later. We had him doped up to his eyeballs for sometime after to help him with the pain levels. He looked a bit like a patch work quilt. There was more plaster and bandages on him than my nurses have in store! Once we had the pain controlled and he was starting to mend, we could begin to decrease the dosages of the medication. Pretty soon his mind wasn't addled by the meds, and he could begin to talk to us."

Yuki found his hands were shaking where they rested on his knees. He was listening intently to everything the doctor was saying, hanging onto every word, but he was still waiting for the words he so desperately hoped to hear. Was it Shuichi?

The doctor flipped over a couple of pages on his desk as he continued. "It was once the meds had worn off that we found out something else." He looked up at Tohma and Yuki. "The young man had amnesia. Didn't know who he was, or what he was doing here. This had been a possibility."

Yuki's hands clenched into fists, gripping the cloth of his trousers. "The government officials came through as soon as we notified them he was awake and able to talk. They really gave him a grilling. The matron ran them out a few times; a good woman that, worth her weight in gold, and she's not frightened by some flashy badge. They kept coming back for days, but the boy really couldn't remember much at all. Some parts of the crash he could recall, but he couldn't remember even why he was on that flight. They eventually cleared him just recently, and that was the last we saw of them."

"So. Where is he now?" Tohma asked.

"The boy was as good as we could make him at this time. Physically, there wasn't anything wrong with him that time wouldn't heal naturally now. He really didn't need to remain in hospital. He didn't want to stay any longer either. So five days ago, he discharged himself."

Yuki's heart plummeted, sinking like a stone into an abyss of darkness that threatened to wash over him. He struggled with the pain.

"I wasn't happy about it, but I also couldn't stop him. It was his choice, and to be perfectly honest, we needed the bed. He still didn't have his memory back, but he said he could remember two things; an address in New York, that we checked out and it actually does exist, and his name."

Tohma reached out a hand and rested it over Yuki's, squeezing gently. "What was his name?" he asked quietly.

"He said his name was 'Shu'."

A sound very like a small sob, escaped Yuki's lips. He clamped down on it hard, for if he didn't, he thought he would never stop more coming.

"Whilst he was here, we of course, took all the necessary measures for identification. We had no idea when we would get the dental records through so we took our own, as well as the usual DNA tests. When Dr Charles sent the files over, I pulled this one," and he held up the other file so Tohma and Yuki could see the name, 'Shindou Shuichi', in bold black type on the front. "And checked with what we had."

He put the file back on the desk and folded his hands on top of it. "I can unequivocally confirm to you both, that the young man who was here was Shuichi Shindou."

This time Yuki couldn't stop the tear that slid down his face. He stood abruptly and flung himself out of the room.

He stood in the silent corridor, forehead leaning against the wall, hands supporting him. His whole body was shaking. Shuichi had been here! Had been here all along! All that time wasted, and he had just been here on the other side of town! So close!

Yuki slammed a fist against the wall. God damn it! How could he have been so close and not known it! It's not fair! It's so fucking not fair!

He turned, back against the wall, and slid down until he was sitting on the floor, head falling into his hands. And now Shuichi was gone again. He had left. Gone gods knows where! The kid can't even remember who he is! How the hell is he going to look after himself! Where the hell could he go!

"Eiri?" the quiet voice made him look up. Tohma stood there, gazing down.

Yuki wiped a hand across his face, brushing the tears away.

"Here," Tohma said, holding out a handkerchief.

"What do I need that for?" Yuki said sharply, not taking it.

"Because you've got a runny nose. And it's truly not becoming."

Yuki snatched the cloth and scrubbed it over his face, scowling up at Tohma as he extended it back to him.

Tohma just smiled. "Ah, Eiri, as much as I love you, dear brother, I have absolutely no intention of touching that again after you have just used it!" Tohma motioned with his head back towards the office. "The doctor has some more information. Are you ready to go back?"

Yuki pushed himself to his feet, shoving Tohma's now soiled handkerchief into his pocket. "Yeah," and followed Tohma back.

He took his seat again, and looked at the doctor, who said nothing about his sudden departure.

"Now, I can't give you much more, but this much I can give you. As I mentioned, the only other thing that 'Shu' remembered was an address. It was in New York. Perhaps it will mean something to you." He pushed a sheet of paper across to them. They both leant forward to read it.

Yuki felt the blood drain from his face in shock.

"Eiri!" Tohma gasped, sounding just as shocked.

"I gather you know this place?" the doctor said somewhat dryly, for clearly it was evident that they did.

Tohma turned to stare at Yuki. "That's….."

"Yeah," Yuki choked out breathlessly. "I know."

Yuki knew that address. It was burned into his mind, a part of his past. Tohma knew that address too. He had found Yuki there, many, many years ago. That address was where Yuki…..had killed.

"But how did….."

"He found me there once. Remember? He knew the address."

"Maybe, but that was just once! And so long ago! Why would he remember that place!"

Yuki shrugged. "How the hell would I know! I can never figure out what that stupid brat will do next! He's bloody driving me mad!" Yuki almost shouted the last, this being one shock too many to his emotionally abused mind.

"If you don't keep your voice down, I will personally stick you with a tranquilizer using the biggest needle I can find." Dr Karancski said, glaring at them.

Yuki turned his head to snap back, but the steely look in the doctor's eyes made him pause. Calm, he thought to himself, calm. Don't piss the good doctor off. Just in case he's got anything else to tell them. Fucking quacks! Yuki bit his tongue to keep silent.

"That's better." the doctor said. "Obviously you know this place. In cases of amnesia, sometimes the things a patient remembers can be very strange, seeming completely unrelated or unimportant in their usual life. However, it may be the one and only memory that they have. My guess is, that if that is the address he could remember, then he would try and make his way there."

"But how would he get there?"

"Part of the deal with the government was a sort of 'care package' if you like. Clothes, temporary visa, money, enough for them to get going with things, or return home if that is the case. Not a very efficient method, but who am I say. Anyway, I would say that New York is where 'Shu' would have headed to."

"And you say he left here five days ago?"

"That's right. So he's got quite a head start on you, but you should be able to catch up with him."

"Can you tell us anything else, Doctor?"

"Well, he would have to continue to get some medical treatment to change the dressings and check for possible infection, also to get the scripts filled. So you could try through the hospitals and doctors surgeries perhaps, if you have trouble locating him. That's about all that I can tell you"

Tohma stood and held out his hand, gripping the doctor's firmly. "Thank you so much." he said, with complete sincerity. "You don't know how much this means to us."

"Oh, I think I have a pretty good idea, Mr Seguchi." He turned to Yuki, who had also stood. "Good luck in finding him."

Tohma began to head for the door, and paused when he realized that Yuki wasn't following him.

Yuki looked the doctor in the eye, then slowly extended his hand. The doctor clasped it.

"Thank you." Yuki said, in a raspy voice. "Thank you for looking after him. And for helping us."

Dr Karancski gave his hand one more firm shake, and nodded sharply. "Go and get him. Take him home."

"I will."


	9. Chapter 9

Title: The Key to My Heart: Chapter 9

Author: JadeHeart

Located/Archived: Found on & If anyone else would like it, please ask me first

Fandom: Gravitation

Rating: M

Warnings: angst, bad language

**Disclaimer: **I do not own the characters in this, except that of Agent Jim Harris who is my original character. All other main characters belong to the creators of 'Gravitation', and I am not making any profits from this story.

Chapter 9

The trip back to the hotel passed in a blur for Yuki. He'd found him. He had finally found him!

Yuki's mind raced, joy infusing his every thought. Shuichi had been here. He was even all right, amazingly! That was such a miracle, such a relief. Yuki felt that his prayers had been answered. Someone, or something, had been listening to his fervent wishes all this time.

Okay, Shuichi wasn't exactly 'here' here - but he had been. And he had been well enough to leave of his own accord. The hospital wouldn't have let him go otherwise. They knew the place he was going, so they would find him. So what if he had left five days ago? It was only five days, not even a whole week. Just how far could the kid get in five days? Where else would he go? No, they would find him.

The usual feelings of trepidation that Yuki would generally experience if he ever thought about **that** place didn't come this time. This time, that address was the best place in the world, the only place in the world, and Yuki had no hesitation what-so-ever of returning there. His only complaint was that he couldn't get there fast enough!

He looked out the window, not even seeing the city they were driving through. Shuichi was so close now! So close Yuki could almost touch him! Gods, when he finally saw the boy he'd hold him so tight he'd choke! Though, perhaps that might not be a good idea. Wouldn't do to finally find Shuichi only to send him straight back to hospital! However, when they got back to Japan, Yuki was going to chain the kid inside the apartment. He didn't care how kinky people thought he was, he was taking no chances. Shuichi wasn't going anywhere, ever again, without him right by his side. He was NOT going to go through this again! The brat could bloody stay put in one place for once!

The motion of the cab halted and he looked up, surprised. They were parked out the front of their hotel. Tohma turned to smile at him.

"Time to snap out of it, Eiri," he said, opening the door. "We've got things to organize."

Yuki was out of the cab just as rapidly and they strode inside. When they reached their room, Yuki bundled his clothes and other accessories into his bag, heedless of folding and neatness.

"Make certain the lid's tight on your aftershave." Tohma warned, picking up the phone. He dialed the reception and asked for information regarding flights to New York. They promised to call back with the details.

Tohma watched Yuki move rapidly through the rooms. "Sit down, Eiri." That just got him a glare, and he sighed to himself. "Eiri, we don't even have a flight yet or what time we can get on one. Just put things together and sit down and take a breather. You're not going to get there any faster, no matter what you do."

Yuki paused, continuing to glare at his brother-in-law. He knew Tohma was right, but he couldn't bear to admit it. He tossed the shirt he was holding in his hands onto the bed beside the bag, and sat in a chair with a loud, "Huh!".

The phone jangled noisily. Tohma reached out and picked it up.

"Yes?" he listened. "Yes, that would be fine. Could you please make the necessary reservations? Thank you. And if you could arrange for a taxi to take us to the airport? Oh, you have a courtesy car. That would be just perfect. Yes, yes, thank you for that. I will be down shortly to finalise everything. Thank you."

He placed the phone down and looked over at Yuki's expectant face. "The flight is booked. We leave in half an hour. Finish your packing, and pack properly please. It will at least keep your clothing looking respectable. There's no need to look like some sort of vagabond by the time we arrive." Tohma stood and made his way to the door. "I'll go and clear the hotel bill. Be back shortly."

"Bloody fashion-conscious nazi!" Yuki snarled at the closed door as he also stood. However, he did empty his bag and began to repack it more carefully. He paused a moment to run his hand lovingly over the clothes he still carried for Shuichi. Soon, he murmured to himself. Soon he would be able to give these to him. Soon. He gently laid them in the bag, smoothing out any creases, before throwing his own clothes on top with a little less care. He was well and truly done by the time Tohma had returned, and was standing out on the balcony smoking.

"Everything's organized." Tohma called to him, as he too swiftly went about the business of packing. "Ready to go?"

Yuki came back into the room. "Yeah."

Tohma nodded. "Good. I'm going to make a couple of calls."

"Who to?"

"Well, Mika for one. She'll be delighted to hear the news."

"Huh. She'll probably blame Shuichi for all the trouble."

Tohma dialed, and smiled when he heard the familiar voice of his wife. "Mika, my love." he said warmly. "Yes, yes, I'm fine. So is Eiri. No, no, listen for a moment. We're not coming home just yet. Wait a moment, there's been another change. It was a mistake. I mean, that the person we thought was Shindou wasn't. I mean it wasn't Shindou, he's not dead. I know. I know. I thought it was, we both did. We only found out yesterday that it wasn't. He was at another hospital. Now, Mika, you can't blame the hospital at all, it's been such a terrible mess over here. Well, from what we've been told he's fine, but he left before we could get to him and he's gone to New York. Mika, he couldn't return home, he's apparently lost his memory. It's true, we were told by the doctor himself. Shindou doesn't remember who he is. He's going to New York because there was an address there that he remembered. It's an address that Yuki knew and Shindou apparently remembered it. I know it sounds really strange, but the doctor explained that this is quite common in such cases. Apparently, the oddest things will be remembered, yet everything else will be gone. Anyway, Eiri and I are going to New York shortly to find him. Yes, yes, I'm sure it will be alright. After all, where else is he going to go? He doesn't know anyone else, and doesn't remember anything else, so I'm sure we'll find him there. Yes, yes, I'll tell Eiri. I'll call you from New York when it's all done. I know. I love you too."

He hung up, with a smile. He always felt good after speaking with Mika. He found himself longing to be back home with her. He missed her - more than he had realized he would.

He picked the phone up and dialed again. The phone kept ringing, then clicked into a message bank.

"Hi, this is Jim Harris. I'm not available at this time, so leave a message. Ciao, baby!"

"Ah, Jim. It's Tohma. I thought I would let you know that we have just found out some news. Shuichi Shindou is still alive. We're heading for New York now. Just thought you might like to know." and he hung up.

He glanced at his watch and stood to pick up his bag. "Time to go." he called out to Yuki, who re-entered from the balcony and grabbed his bag also.

As the car sped towards the airport, Tohma's cell phone rang. "Tohma Seguchi," he answered.

"TOHMA!" He held the phone away from his ear at the loudness of the shout. "What the hell are you talking about! What do you mean he's alive!"

"Hello, Jim."

"Don't you 'hello, Jim' me, you slanty-eyed pipsqueak! I check my messages, and you just about give me a bloody heart attack! What the hell is going on!"

"I know, Jim. Believe me, I know how you feel. We feel the same."

"Okay," Jim sounded a little calmer now. "Tell me what's happened."

"The hospital received the dental records finally and confirmed that the person in room 213 wasn't Shindou after all. That was when we found out that two survivors had originally been transferred to another hospital. So we headed there this morning, and found out that Shindou had been there the whole time."

"Holy shit!" Jim said amazed. "You're kidding me!"

"Not at all. We spoke to the treating doctor, and he confirmed it through the dental records and DNA testing. There's no doubt, Shuichi Shindou was there."

"Man, that's….hold on," Jim paused in his enthusiasm. "You said, 'was'."

Tohma smiled. Jim was sharp, and didn't miss much. "Unfortunately. He's left already."

"What? So he's on his way home?"

"Not…exactly."

"Tohma," Jim growled. "If you don't fucking tell this to me straight, without any of your usual double talk, I'm going to reach down this phone and personally rearrange your facial features!"

"Honestly, Jim, I'm not trying to be difficult."

"Huh!" Jim snorted. "You can't seem to help yourself! That's your problem! Now tell me!"

"The doctor said Shindou has amnesia. He doesn't remember who he is, or where he's from. Pretty much nothing."

"Then why the hell did they let him go!"

"Because, physically, he apparently is fairly much fine. Still healing, but the worst was over, and he wanted to leave himself."

"Gods, the medical system is crazy! What else?"

"Well, if you would stop interrupting me, I could maybe finish the story?"

"Don't get cocky with me, you little bastard!" Jim snarled.

"Very well. Shindou has amnesia, but he did remember one thing. An address in New York."

"How come he knows an address in New York? Thought you said the kid had hardly been over here much?"

"Are you going to continue to interrupt me?"

"Okay, okay. Hurry it up will you!"

Tohma cleared his throat and settled back in the seat of the car a little further. He glanced over at his fellow passenger. Yuki wasn't paying any attention to the call, simply looking out the window. Tohma knew that it wasn't the scenery he was engrossed in. He would be seeing only one thing - one face. He turned his attention back to the conversation he was having.

"Look, the address is one that Eiri and I know. Shindou knew about it. For some reason, that's the only thing that he recalls."

"So that's why you're on your way there?"

"Yes, we've got the flight booked. We're taking off at 12.40pm."

"Okay. Look, when you get to the airport, don't worry about it. I'll organize things."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, I'm going to meet you there. I'll make certain you get through without any hassles, so look for me out the front."

"Jim, you don't have to do that."

"Yes, I do." Jim said, his voice serious. "I should have checked further and made certain I had all the facts. It was because of my bum steer that you and Yuki went through all this hell."

"That's not true at all," Tohma scolded gently. "Without your help, we wouldn't even have got this far. It's not your fault."

"Yes, it is. It's my job not to make such mistakes. I fouled up. So this time I'm going with you to make sure!"

"Jim…"

"Stop trying to bloody argue, Tohma! You can't have it your way all the time, so just quit it! I'll see you in New York." and he hung up.

Tohma looked at the silent phone in his hand, and shook his head. Jim was such a good man!

He turned to look over at Yuki. "Jim said he'll meet us in New York."

Yuki turned his head. "What for?" he growled.

Tohma cocked his head to one side. "He feels responsible for this mix up."

"Not his fault."

"I know that, and I tried to tell him as much, but he's rather stubborn. So he's going to meet us at the airport."

"What ever. It's his time he's wasting."

"That's true, isn't it?" Tohma said with a small smile and turned to look out the window.

"No wonder this country is such a bloody mess! The FBI spends their life doing what they want!" Yuki then returned to his own inner contemplations.

The flight was short, thankfully. Yuki's stomach had been churning non-stop. He had drunk a couple of vodkas to try and settle his nerves but it hadn't helped. Now he just wanted to throw up. After he had a cigarette.

Once in the terminal, Tohma spoke to a staff member. Yuki watched it with a sense of deja vu. This was how it had been when they had arrived in LA. Was it really two months ago? Had it really been that long?

He followed Tohma as they were led away from the crowds. Sometimes it seemed to Yuki that he must have dreamed that day; the day he first heard the news. But then he would look around himself and realized that, no, it was no dream, this was real. Only too real. Every tug on his heart, every ache, every pain. Gods, it was so bloody real it was killing him!

It took no time at all before they were bustled outside in such a way that Yuki almost felt like a stray cat being tossed out of the house. What was their problem!

"Hey!" A voice reached them over the noise and turning they saw Jim making his way towards them, waving. He stuck out his hand in greeting, a smile on his face. "Good to see you both again!" as he shook their hands. "Come on. I'm double parked."

They walked outside. "Have any troubles getting through?" Jim asked, opening the car.

"None at all. Though they did seem a little… uhm, eager perhaps, to get rid of us?" Yes, Tohma would have noticed that hurriedness also.

"Probably because they like to have as little to do with the FBI as they can. I probably put the wind up them a bit."

"Oh, so it was your fault then."

Jim shrugged. "Got you through, didn't it?"

"Very true."

Jim put on a burst of speed to merge with a lane of traffic. "Okay, so where are we going? What's the address?" Tohma gave it to him.

"You sure about that?" Jim asked, with some concern. "It's not exactly a very savoury part of town."

"I know." Tohma acknowledged.

"And you're sure about it?"

"Absolutely."

"Okay then, you're the boss." Jim glanced down at his GPS and pushed a few buttons. "Looks like it could take about an hour, maybe an hour and a half, to get there depending on traffic. New York traffic is the pits, so you may as well sit back and enjoy the ride."

There was silence for a time.

"Hey, Yuki!" Jim called over his shoulder to Yuki in the back. "I'm sorry for all this. I screwed up."

Yuki didn't say anything. He didn't really know what to say.

Jim continued, "I should have checked things out better. I was slack, but I'm real glad it's finally working out."

"Thanks." Yuki said shortly.

Jim smiled. "And by the way, you can smoke if you want to!" and a flash of silver spun in the air to land on the seat next to Yuki. It was a lighter; probably the same one Jim had tossed to him back in LA. He looked up to see Jim's smiling face in the rear view mirror. "Knock yourself out!"

Yuki lit up, this time keeping the lighter. They navigated the route laid out for them by the GPS, dodging the traffic where they could, and continuing on. Yuki was getting more and more frustrated. Come on, come on, come on! he fumed. Geez, it takes so fucking long all the time! He could fucking get there quicker if he walked! He knew he was exaggerating, but his impatience had almost reached its breaking point.

They soon reached an area that Yuki could recognize. Yes, this was the suburb sure enough. He glanced around him as they drove. Some things hadn't changed that much over the years. They continued on. He then began to notice that a change had begun to occur in the surroundings they passed. The apartment blocks looked seedier, the shops grubbier, many of them closed and boarded up. There was more rubbish lining the streets than he recalled there being all those years ago.

Jim spoke up, "This area is lined up for future redevelopment. It used to be a sort of middle-class area, nothing too swish, but not the poorest either. That was about 15 years ago. Gradually it just went downhill; crime rates increased, people and businesses began to move away, lots of the apartments went to the State to turn into low income housing. All that did was drag the area down further because there was no longer enough infrastructure around here to support even those people. So it pretty much became the hang out for the dregs; lots of squatters, drugs, organized crime, you name it, it's here. The State has slated it for rezoning and redevelopment. They started relocating people in the last year so a lot of these places around here are empty."

Yuki could see how derelict the places were now. It wasn't the way he had remembered it from way back then.

They pulled up to a halt in front of a building. Yuki got out of the car and looked up. Yes, this was the place. It hadn't seemed to have changed from the time he had briefly returned here, not that long ago. Then, this had been only one of the few places that had seemed so run down. Looking up and down the street now, Yuki felt it blended in perfectly with everything else around it.

"You two head up, but watch yourselves. This is a rough neighbourhood. I'll stay with the car, otherwise I have a feeling we'd come out and find we no longer have one!" He motioned with his head towards the corner street nearby and Tohma and Yuki saw the movement of shadows. "If you get into trouble, give a holler. I'll come with all guns blazing!"

"Let's hope that is not necessary." Tohma said as he turned towards the front door.

"Let's hope." Jim agreed, giving his attention fully to his surroundings now.

Yuki and Tohma mounted the stairs watching their footing, kicking empty bottles and other debris out of the way. The railings on the stairs had come away in places as they went higher. The smell was disgusting, rotting…something, mixed with urine, and other smells that couldn't even be distinguished. Tohma wrinkled his nose at the sensory assault as it made him want to gag. Glancing sideways he noted that Yuki seemed unaffected. Graffiti spanned not only the walls but the ceiling, floor and even the stairs. All in all, it was a complete hell-hole.

Yuki stopped outside a door. It was closed, though it appeared to be only holding on by one hinge. Tohma glanced at the faded number scratched into the surface, the original brass fittings long since gone. Yes, this was the place. Yuki said nothing as he grasped the handle and turned. The door moved only a couple of inches, and then stuck. Yuki pushed again. It wouldn't move.

"DAMN IT!" Yuki roared, and slammed it with his shoulder. The brittle door gave way under this onslaught and ripped fully from its fragile hold on the frame, to collapse to the floor in a shower of dirt and dust. Old papers drifted up from the floor, dust eddies swirling at the impact. The noise was deafening in the silence.

Yuki stood on the threshold, looking into the dimness. The windows had been boarded up though light shone through the cracks between and somewhere out of sight a patch of larger light ran across the floor where a board must have been missing.

"Shuichi?" Yuki called out, stepping forward, his shoes crunching on the rubbish littering the floor. He made his way into the room, looking around, taking in the broken bits of furniture, the broken glass and bottles, everything.

"Shuichi?" he called again, moving to where the bathroom had once been. The wash basin had long ago been ripped from its place on the wall, an old water stain on the floor had dried up years before.

He strode out and moved to where the bedroom had been. "Shuichi?" he called again, more loudly. The door to this room had already been removed. Inside an old mattress, torn and stained, lay on the floor. A sudden flurry of movement caught Yuki's eye and he spun towards the dark corner.

"Shu…" he stopped. A squeak told him it was nothing more than a rat, angry at being disturbed. He slowly turned and walked back to the main room. Tohma stood in the centre, looking around him, obviously thinking about the past.

"He's not here." Yuki felt a little foolish for stating the obvious.

Tohma nodded. "I know," he signed and lifted his chin to look at Yuki. "What now?" he asked, letting Yuki decide.

Yuki turned and walked over to the window that was missing a board looking out into the street. "I don't know." he answered honestly, reaching into his pocket and lighting a cigarette. An insane part of his mind wanted to drop his lit cigarette to the floor and watch this place burn to ashes. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. It would be a fitting end for this place that had haunted him for so long.

Where the hell was Shuichi! He was coming here, they had been certain of that. This was the only place he could come to! So where the hell was he!

"He probably came here and saw the state it was in." Tohma said quietly.

"So, then what would he do?" Yuki snarled, spinning around. "What the hell would he do next!"

Tohma let Yuki's anger slide off him. "Eiri, sometimes I don't think you give Shindou enough credit."

Yuki let out a bark of laughter, "What's that supposed to mean? I know that kid better than anyone!"

"Do you?" Tohma asked seriously. "Shindou is a very strong willed and determined young man." Yuki snorted at that, but Tohma continued. "Yes, he's temperamental, and sometimes quite manic, but there is a great strength of character within him if you really care to recall. He's come through some quite rough times and he's done so, and still been able to, remain true to who and what he is."

Tohma was right, Yuki thought. Shuichi was pretty tough, even if he was also a complete crybaby and suffered mood swings that sent Yuki's mind spinning. Sometimes Yuki got exhausted just from watching him! Yet for all that, Shuichi still seemed to be able to come through anything. Even things that would break other people, the kid just seemed to swim through it all and be able to come back as his self. It was a trait that Yuki admired in him. Though he would never, ever, say it.

"Okay. So let's accept that the brat is as tough as you say and came here and found this? What do you think he'd do next?" He asked Tohma.

Tohma looked around him again, lips pursed as he thought, "Well, I don't think he would have just given up. So he came here and found nothing, what then? He would have tried to find somewhere else to go instead."

"Right, so he went somewhere else. Like where, Sherlock!"

Tohma ignored Yuki's sarcasm, and shrugged, "I have no idea."

"Well, that's a fucking lot of good, isn't it!"

"Eiri, I'm not a mind reader. I don't know where Shindou would have gone. All I'm saying is that, if he came as far as here, and we have every indication that he did so, then he's probably still here somewhere in New York. After all, if he only had this address in the first place, I don't think he would have tried to move on to somewhere strange immediately. So he must still be here somewhere."

"And just how are we supposed to find him in a city this fucking big!' Yuki shouted back.

"There are always ways," Tohma replied, calmly. "It's just a matter of finding them."

Yuki smoked some more, trying to calm down and think clearly. What Tohma said did make some sense, but where the hell could he even begin now! He had been so certain, so positive, that he would find Shuichi here, that he would be waiting for him. Here. He had really, truly believed that finally his search would be over. Damn him! Damn him, damn him, damn him! Damn the brat to fucking hell! He ground the butt beneath his shoe in anger. "So what's next?" he said, turning to Tohma.

"I think we should speak to Jim. I'm sure he can verify that Shindou was on a flight to here sometime in the last five days. If that's the case, then we definitely know he's here. Perhaps Jim will have some ideas of where he might have then gone."

Yuki strode towards the broken doorway.

"Eiri," Tohma's voice behind him made him stop. "Don't give up just yet. We're a lot closer than we were before. At least we know he's really alive."

"Yeah." and Yuki left the room.

They arrived out in the street to see Jim still standing guard on the car. He turned his head when he heard them. One look at their faces told him the news. "Nothing there?" he asked for confirmation.

Tohma shook his head as they piled into the car. "Unfortunately not. Jim, I know this is asking a lot, but are you able to find out if Shuichi was on any flight from Washington to here within the last five days? At least that would tell us if he truly did arrive in New York."

"Sure. That's no problem at all. Do you boys have somewhere to stay?"

"No. We didn't have time to arrange anything."

"Then I'll take you to a place I know. I stay there myself when I'm in town. I'll make some calls when we get there." It wasn't long before Jim pulled up in front of a hotel. It wasn't a large place from the looks of it. They entered the lobby.

"Not quite the five star palaces you're used to, Tohma," Jim said with a grin. "But it's clean, has great food, and they are completely discreet."

"That sounds fine. Eiri," he turned to Yuki. "Why don't you just mind the bags whilst we check in?"

"What do I look like? A fucking bell boy!" Yuki scowled at them, before dropping untidily into an armchair and lighting a cigarette, completely ignoring the no smoking sign on the table before him. Jim just shook his head and walked away. Tohma rolled his eyes, but remained silent also.

Jim was already talking to a receptionist as Tohma drew near. "We'll have three rooms." Jim was saying.

"Make that two," Tohma put in. "Eiri and I will share."

Jim looked at him. "Really?"

"I think it would still be best. For the time being."

"Hmmm," Jim murmured, then glanced over to where Yuki was sitting, scowling at a young receptionist who had come as close as she obviously dared and then couldn't find the courage to go any further to tell the gentleman to cease smoking. Jim chuckled. "What's he going to say to that arrangement?" he asked nodding in Yuki's direction.

Tohma returned the smile, "He will curse and swear, and perhaps throw something at me. But that's all."

Jim let out a laugh, and turned back to the waiting receptionist, "Make that two rooms, thanks."

As she typed and took a record of their credit cards, he spoke again to Tohma. "You two have got to be the oddest couple I have ever known. And yet," he glanced over at Yuki again. "Somehow you go together." He turned back to look at Tohma. "So why's that?"

Tohma just smiled in that knowing way of his.

"Okay, okay." Jim said, holding his hands up. "I know that look. It's none of my business, and you're not going to tell me anyway. Right?"

"Completely."

Jim chuckled and accepted the keys to the room. They wandered back to Yuki and grabbed their bags. "Come on. Before they decide to call the cops and have you thrown out!" Jim said to Yuki, tossing him one of the keys.

Yuki grunted and reached over to stub the cigarette out against the no smoking sign. Jim couldn't help himself. He burst out laughing, and was still laughing when they exited the elevator on the third floor.

"We're right next door to each other," Jim said, still chuckling. "Drop your gear and come over whilst I make some calls and see what I can find out."

Yuki and Tohma entered their room and looked around. "And just why are we sharing?" Yuki demanded.

"Eiri, I have to watch the expenses a little, you know." Tohma said mildly, as he hung up some of his shirts and jackets.

"Ha!" Yuki snapped, doing the same. "You've never had to worry about money!"

"Is it really that bad, sharing with me? We are family."

"You cramp my style."

"What you do in private is nothing to do with me."

"Just what are you implying!"

"Nothing. Absolutely nothing." Tohma turned to Yuki with a pleasant smile. "Shall we go and join Jim?"

Yuki followed him out the door, snarling, "One day, Tohma. One day you are going to get yours!"

At their knock, Jim opened the door and waved them inside. He had removed his tie and jacket as well as shoes. "Make yourself at home, boys. Tohma, pour me a scotch, would you?"

"My pleasure. Do you still take ice?"

"You bet! And make it strong!"

Jim sat on the end of the bed and dialed a number. He listened in silence, and nodded thanks as Tohma passed him a glass. Suddenly, he spoke, "Hey, Di! It's Jim. How are you doing? What do you mean, what do I want? Why do you think that's the only reason I've called you? Okay, because that is the only time I call you. Ah, you know you're my favourite lady! It's not sweet talk if it's true!"

Jim's voice became serious. "Look, I have a favour to ask. It's a big one too so tell me if you can't. No, I haven't killed anyone, it's nothing like that. Hey, that's really sweet of you, luv. Not too many friends would offer to help hide the body.

Getting back to what I was saying. Can you check up for me if a young man, around the age of 20 of Japanese origin, going by the name of Shu and traveling under a temporary visa from the FBI, caught a flight from DC to New York at any time in the past five days. No, I don't have anything more to go on. Yeah, you're right on the money, sweetheart, he was one of the crash survivors. The kid's got amnesia and two of his friends are trying to track him down. Oh, I'm involved because it works out we've got a mutual friend and he called in some IOUs. Yeah, I owed him so I couldn't exactly say no. Besides, I reckoned this was for a good cause.

You'll do it for us? You sure? I don't want to put you in any hot water. I know you usually manage to do that by yourself, I just don't want to add to it! Okay, I'm in New York now. Give me a call on this number," Jim rattled off the hotel number from the stationary in front of him. "Yeah. Yeah. I'll stay here until I hear from you. Thanks, Di." He hung up, and took a long swallow from his glass.

"Okay," he said, leaning back against the headboard and swinging his legs up on the bed. "My friend is going to look up the information and get back to me. How about we order some room service and eat here while we're waiting?"

"Sounds fine to me. Eiri?"

Yuki shrugged. "I don't have a problem with that."

"Great!" Jim snagged the hotel menu from the bedside table and tossed it frisbee-style to Yuki who caught it mid air. "Take your pick, it's all good I can vouch for that! I think I've worked my way through the menu more than once by now!"

Once they had chosen, Jim rang through and placed their order.

"So, your friend is another FBI agent?" Yuki asked, curiousity getting the better of him.

"Yep. She's a great lady, one of the best. I've worked with her a few times now, and we always keep in touch. It's a shame she's still single."

"A shame?" Tohma put in, with a laugh. "I thought that would make it a perfect opportunity for you."

Jim took another drink. "Nah. Wish it did, but she's still hung up on another guy even though the prick won't even look at her that way! Bloody idiot!"

"Why not? Is something wrong with her? Is she ugly, or something?" Yuki said dryly.

"No way!" Jim said vehemently. "She's a real looker! No, he's bi. I think. And from a couple of things that Di's said, he's chasing after some guy at his precinct at the moment."

"So what does he do?"

"He's a commissioner of police. Fucking moron, is all I can say, passing up a great lady like Di. Sometimes I just want to snot the bastard, to see if that would wake him up but she won't let me. She's too soft for her own good at times."

A knock on the door signaled the arrival of their meal.

"Well, cheers!" Jim said, holding up his bottle of beer. "Here's to tomorrow - and a whole new day!"

"That, I think, is an excellent toast." Tohma said, raising his wine glass.

Yuki stared at his bottle of beer for a moment. A new day. What would it bring? More pain? More heartache? He still didn't know where Shuichi was. Where could he be! But a new day meant new hope, that is how he had look at it. Yes, a new day. He looked up to see both Jim and Tohma watching him silently. Slowly he lifted his beer bottle in salute. Jim grinned back at him.

"A new day," he repeated with a firm nod.

Just as they were finishing, the phone rang next to Jim. He hurriedly dropped his cutlery and wiped his mouth, before grabbing the receiver.

"Yes?" he answered. "Hi, Di! What have you got? Because you always come through for me. The day you don't will never come and we both know it! Yes. Yes. You sure? Yeah. Okay. No, we don't know what to do at the moment. The kid's gone AWOL somewhere here in New York. The only lead we had was an address of where he was going and we've checked that out and he's not there, so we're pretty much at a stand still now. Any suggestions? Well, we know he would have to be getting some sort of medical checkups for his injuries, but that could be weeks in between. No. No. Nothing. Really? How do you know them? Oh. That prick! Okay, okay, I'm sorry. I promise to behave myself, and not say a thing! I give you my word. Sweetheart, you wound me! Yeah, yeah. So, what are their names?" Jim scribbled on some paper, listening intently. "And their numbers?" more scribbling. "Yeah, I got it. You really think they'll be willing to help me? They'd be sticking their necks out on this. I'm not exactly doing this by the book. They wouldn't have a problem with it? You sure? You must be pretty certain of them to be speaking for them like this! What do you mean they're a sucker for lost causes? I'll find out when I meet them, will I? I'm beginning to wonder who the hell these fruitcakes are! I shall be on my best behaviour at all times so as not to embarrass you. Look, thanks, Di. I mean it. Thanks a bundle. Yeah, I'll let you know how it goes. I know you're a sucker for a happy ending. Take it easy, girl."

He placed the phone on the cradle and turned with a smile on his face. "Good news is that Di confirmed that Shuichi definitely came to New York five days ago. He must have got on a plane as soon as he walked out of the hospital. Not surprising, I guess, in the circumstances. So he certainly did get here. Even better news is that Di's given me the names of two detectives here in New York who she knows and says are pretty damn good. And she says they'll help us out."

"Why would they?" Yuki wanted to know.

Jim shrugged. "Not really sure. Di was being a little mysterious about it all but she swears that as soon as they hear your story, they'll be in on it and they'll be more than happy to do it out of hours. We're not going to know any more until tomorrow. I've got the precinct they're at so I'll call in the morning and find out what shift they're on, and we'll get down there to see them."

Jim swung off the bed and made his way over to the bench to pour himself another scotch. He turned back to Tohma and Yuki. "Believe me, having those two boys on our side will make our job one hell of a lot easier. This is their home turf and they'll be able to find out a lot more than I could, and quicker. So take it from me, this is one hell of a breakthrough!' and he took a drink.

"If they agree." Yuki said cynically.

"Di wouldn't have recommended them if she wasn't almost 100 percent sure that they would. She's got some history with them and seems to know them pretty well. If she says they'll be in, they'll be in."

"So, tomorrow?" Tohma said thoughtfully.

Jim nodded his head, then lifted his glass. "Tomorrow. I have a feeling that it's going to be a good day!"


	10. Chapter 10

Title: The Key to My Heart: Chapter 10

Author: JadeHeart

Located/Archived: Found on & If anyone else would like it, please ask me first

Fandom: Gravitation (some FAKE)

Rating: M

Warnings: angst, bad language

**Disclaimer: **I do not own the characters in this, except that of Agent Jim Harris who is my original character. All other main characters belong to the creators of 'Gravitation' and 'FAKE', and I am not making any profits from this story.

Chapter 10

There was a sound. A soft sound. A rhythmic sound.

What was it? Yuki's still sleep-dazed mind struggled a little trying to place it. The sound stopped. Peace. Yuki sighed and fell back into a deep slumber.

When next he awoke, he cracked his eyes open to be greeted by a stream of bright sunshine shining through the crack between the thick curtains. He sat up in bed, rubbing a hand over his face, and then through his hair. He yawned and glanced over at Tohma's bed. It was empty, neatly made as though it had never been slept in. Tohma was so anal sometimes.

Yuki yawned again, throwing the covers back, and swung his legs over the side of the bed. He reached for his cigarettes on the bedside table and drew one out as he moved towards the balcony. He pulled the curtains back, squinting a little as the full brunt of sunlight splashed over him. It was so damn bright!

Opening the door, he stepped outside, lighting his smoke. He drew in deeply. Ah, yes, that felt good! He looked out at the clear sky, glancing up at the sun and noting its position high in the sky. His eyes widened. Shit! It was late!

He strode back inside. Where the hell was Tohma? Why hadn't he woken him earlier?

A wave of coldness swept over him. Had there been bad news? Is that why Tohma hadn't woken him? He clamped his jaw tightly. No. There was no bad news. If anything, if it had been bad news, Tohma would have most definitely woken him. Or at least made certain he had remained here until Yuki had got up.

So, no bad news. But then where the fuck was he! Yuki stabbed his cigarette down into the ashtray, and made his way to the bathroom. First things first, shower and change.

He finished his shower, wrapping a towel around his waist to walk back into the main room. He rummaged around through his bag, pulling out clean shirt, trousers and boxers. He heard the door click open behind him, and turned to see Tohma walking in.

"Ah, Eiri. You're up."

"So where the hell have you been?" Yuki growled.

"Oh, Jim and I have just been talking, catching up on old times. We waited to have breakfast until you woke up."

"Why didn't you wake me earlier?"

Tohma shrugged. "There was no need. You needed sleep more than anything."

"Thought Harris said something about having to make a call this morning."

"He did." Tohma said, calmly watching as Yuki dressed. Both were completely unabashed at Yuki's nakedness. "The detectives we need to see aren't going to be in till later this afternoon, so there was no rush."

"Great. More hanging around doing nothing." Yuki groused, a frown on his face.

"Don't be so worried. By the time we have some breakfast, though with it being this late it is probably more accurate to call it brunch, and discuss a few things, it will be time to leave anyway. So no time has been particularly wasted."

"Huh!" was Yuki's response.

Tohma smiled and made his way back to the door. "Come along. Jim's waiting downstairs."

Yuki followed Tohma to the elevator, before making their way to the hotel's dining room. He spotted Jim sitting at a table in the far corner, reading a newspaper. He looked up as they drew nearer with a smile of greeting.

"Nice to see you're finally awake." he said to Yuki, then raised a hand to catch the attention of a waitress across the room. She soon arrived with a steaming coffee pot and proceeded to pour three cups. "I took the liberty of ordering some bagels. Didn't know if you'd like them, but I think they're great!"

"Bagels will be fine." Tohma assured him, and with a practiced flick of his wrist, he unwound his napkin and neatly placed it in his lap. Yuki ignored his, instead reaching for another cigarette.

"Ah, Eiri..." Tohma began, when Jim interrupted him.

"It's okay. I had a word with the manager. He said we could smoke, as long as we stayed right over here out of the way of any other guests."

"That was very considerate of you, Jim." Tohma thanked him.

"Not really. Couldn't bear to put up with him," motioning towards the dark countenance of Yuki, with a chuckle, "Acting like a bear with a sore head!"

"How true!" Tohma agreed, with a smile.

"If you two comedians are quite finished?" Yuki said dryly. "You're putting me off my food."

"See what I mean?" Jim said to Tohma.

"So, when are we meeting these two cops?" Yuki asked, spreading cream cheese on a bagel.

"I checked with the precinct, and they're on third watch today. So we'll head over there a little before that. I know that makes it late in the day but I wasn't going to try them at home without first having a chance to speak to them about it. Let's just say, it's polite to go have a chat with them in their work place, before trying to make it more personal."

"Thought you said there'd be no problems?"

Jim shrugged. "I personally don't think there will be. Like I said, Di wouldn't have said anything, if she wasn't pretty sure. But it's still their choice to make. So I'm not going to try and put a heap of pressure on them if they don't want in."

"Huh."

Jim half smiled. "I know if I let you lose, you'd probably want to try and beat them into helping us. Doesn't work that way."

Yuki said nothing, and they finished the rest of brunch in silence.

Jim glanced at his watch. "Let's go. That gives us plenty of time to get through traffic." They made their way out to the car and headed off.

"We may have to wait when we get there. We're going to be there before the start of shift, so they may not even be in yet. Or they may be tied up with something. So you going to be able to sit tight if need be?"

"We can wait." Tohma assured him, glancing back at Yuki. "It's not like we really have anywhere else to go."

"Fair enough."

They continued on, and soon pulled into a parking lot filled with various cars, including police vehicles. Jim pulled a card from his wallet and placed it on the dash.

"Don't fancy getting towed away!" he said. Yuki noticed it had FBI marked on the card as he exited. They followed Jim up the steps and inside the building, making their way to the front counter, manned by an attractive woman in uniform. Too old for me, Yuki couldn't help thinking to him self. He preferred them young; about 20-ish, small, lithe body, energetic….and male. Shuichi, he thought. Where the hell are you!

His fingers itched for a cigarette, but he had seen the no smoking signs placed around the room, and he didn't think breaking that regulation in the middle of a police station would be the smoothest thing he had done. But how he needed a cigarette!

"Can I help you, sir?" the policewoman asked Jim.

He pulled out his badge and smiled. "I would like to speak to Detectives Maclean and Laytner, if I may."

The woman looked down the duty roster. "They should be in shortly. Were they expecting you?"

"No, but a mutual friend in the Bureau put me on to them."

"And your name?"

"Jim Harris."

"I'll go and see if they've come in early, and leave a note on their desk. It may be a while though. I don't know what work load they've got."

"That's okay. We'll wait for a bit and see, if you don't mind."

She shook her head, making some notes. "Not at all. If you don't mind the noise." She winced as a particularly loud shout echoed through the reception. "It's always like this on Thursdays."

"Why Thursdays?"

She shrugged. "Who knows? Why the full moon? There's no rhyme or reason to it, just that every Thursday it's like this. No big deal." She motioned over to one side. "Take a seat. Hopefully you won't have to wait too long. Those chairs are killers!"

"Thanks a lot."

"No problem." and Jim turned to leave her to attend to another query.

He waved Tohma and Yuki to the seats she indicated. "She didn't think they were in yet, but was going to check for us and also leave a note. So we'll see what happens."

"I'm going for a smoke." Yuki said, turning and stalking outside.

Jim looked after him. "So," he said to Tohma. "How's he really taking this?"

"Hard." replied Tohma looking after Yuki also.

"It's been a long haul. For the both of you." Jim replied, looking over at Tohma.

Tohma meticulously settled his coat and hat on his knees, absently smoothing a crease out. "More so for Eiri."

"Do you not like the kid or something?" Jim asked, looking with narrowed eyes at his friend.

Tohma's forehead creased a little, before he answered. "It's not that I don't **like** Shindou," he said slowly, looking over at Jim. "I will admit that when he and Eiri first got together, I was completely horrified. And very angry."

"Uh, oh, that's not a good thing where you're concerned."

Tohma brushed the comment aside. "I thought that Shindou was causing Eiri nothing but trouble. There was all the publicity that occurred."

"Because they're gay?"

"Well, you could argue that Eiri is bi, and the tabloids certainly had enough evidence of his association with members of the female sex before he met Shindou. But, yes, the issue of their gender certainly caused quite a stir. With both Eiri and Shindou in such high profile careers, they were never out of the public eye, so every little thing was open for scrutiny and misinterpretation."

"But that's not all of it, is it?" Jim said shrewdly. Tohma looked at him. "Come on, Tohma. I know you too well. You may be a prick, but you wouldn't be one over just something like that. You've lived in the limelight yourself for too long to not just let most of that wash right over you. So, what's the real reason?"

Tohma sighed and settled back into his chair further, shifting on the uncomfortably hard seat. "You're right. It wasn't so much their relationship as far as their gender, or anything like that. My main concern was that Eiri…well, he had some issues from his past, and I didn't think that Shindou was good for him because of that. I could see small pieces of Eiri crumbling away before my eyes, and I was afraid I would lose him. I nearly did once - a long time ago. I made a promise then that I would never, ever, let that happen again. And I would do anything to stop it." There was steel in Tohma's voice that few people would have heard. Jim had. Once, a long time ago.

"Ah," Jim said, nodding a little, as he too settled backwards, shoulder brushing Tohma's. "You should be careful what promises you make to yourself. You could get yourself into a lot of trouble."

"As you know all to well."

"True." Silence for a moment. "So you didn't think Shu was good enough for Yuki?"

"No." Tohma replied bluntly.

"And now?"

"Now…" Tohma mused a moment, dropping his head to look intently at his hands, folded neatly in his lap. What did he think of Shindou now, he wondered? For all that the boy had grown up a bit in the past couple of years, he was still so….so…..exhausting!

From a business perspective, Tohma knew that Bad Luck was one of the best, and biggest, things to come NG's way. They were even out stripping Nittle Grasper in their hey-day. So as president, Tohma would hang onto, cultivate, and squeeze every last ounce of talent from Bad Luck, and send them flying to the greatest heights of the world.

And Shuichi Shindou was integral to that dream. Shuichi was like an earthquake, with himself at the epicentre, and just like an earthquake, everyone who was in range of the shock waves, couldn't help but be affected by him. Including Tohma. So as a businessman, Tohma whole heartedly supported Bad Luck, and Shuichi Shindou.

But as a person? What did Tohma really think of him?

"I realised," he said quietly, looking up. "That even though I had thought Shindou was the worst thing for Eiri at that time, because I could see so much damage seeming to occur to him, I realise now that although Shindou may have been responsible for that crumbling, he was also responsible for putting Eiri back together again. And in a better way than he had been before."

He glanced over at Jim, who was watching him intently. "It's hard to explain what the two of them have together. It's not just that they are a couple living together, that they are partners. It's….deeper than that. I truly don't think that there is anything that could tear them apart. Except perhaps death."

"Perhaps not even that?" Jim said quietly. "Isn't that why you've insisted on sharing with him all this time?"

Tohma pursed his lips, then nodded in acquiescence. "Yes. I wasn't certain that Eiri wouldn't have chased Shindou even through death. He can't bear the thought of losing him."

"Hmmm,"

They lapsed into silence again. "He seems to be a bit more like himself. At least like the first time I met him." Jim said.

"Yes. I think that just knowing that Shindou is alive still gives him great hope and the will to keep going."

"What happens if we can't find him?" Jim said softly. "There are plenty of missing persons every year that are never found, and not all of them have met with foul play. Some just don't want to be found. What will Yuki do?"

Tohma sighed and spoke. "I…don't know. I don't know when Eiri would decide that enough was enough, that he had to give up. That's something only he can choose to do."

"Do you think he would give up? Doesn't seem like that sort of guy to me."

"Perhaps. If he believed that Shindou was at least alive and well. Perhaps that would be enough for him." Tohma looked at Jim again. "I had never realised before just how much Eiri lives for Shindou. I knew Shindou felt that way about Eiri, I had seen him behave in that way right from the start. That is what was so startling about him. He threw himself into this relationship with Eiri without any hesitation or second thoughts. He just made up his mind that Eiri was the one for him, and that was that. Nothing anyone did could change his mind, not even anything Eiri did could change his decision!" Tohma shook his head, still somewhat amazed at the memories.

"All I can say is that Shindou is a very…..interesting person." He suddenly smiled at Jim. "I think you'll like him. But I do warn you - he'll drive you to distraction in the first five minutes of meeting him!"

"You know," Jim said, smiling. "I can't wait to meet him!"

The door swung open and a shadow crossed the floor. Looking up, they saw Yuki standing in front of them. "Is there anywhere to get some damn coffee around here?" he said roughly.

Jim laughed and stood up. "That's a great idea! I'll see what I can rustle up! Wait here a moment." and he took himself back to the counter to speak to the desk sergeant again.

Yuki threw himself down on to a chair, and grunted in pain. "Fuck that's hard!" he cursed, leaning forward and reaching around to rub the middle of his back where it had thumped against the slat of the chair back.

Tohma smiled. "They are probably deliberately chosen for the lack of comfort they possess. I don't imagine that the police department wants to encourage people sitting in their lobbies for long periods of time. They probably hope that most will get tired of waiting and just leave."

"Probably!" Yuki slouched lower in his chair, long legs stretched out before him.

Jim soon returned to them. "They'll bring some coffee out for us." Tohma raised an eyebrow and Jim just shrugged with a smile. "Sometimes rank has its privileges!"

"Ah!" Tohma said.

True to his word, a police officer soon arrived, balancing three coffee cups. They each gratefully took one; it was already becoming a long afternoon.

Yuki glanced at his watch then looked up at Jim.

"So where the hell are they?" he growled impatiently.

Jim checked his own watch, pursing his lips. "I'll go check." and he wandered back to the counter. He had to wait a moment whilst the desk sergeant finished with the customer she was dealing with first. After a few moments of hurried words, Jim walked back to join Tohma and Yuki.

"They're here, but they're in a briefing at the moment. We're just going to have to wait."

Yuki muttered something uncomplimentary under his breath, taking another deep swallow of his thick coffee. "I'm going to make a call." he suddenly said, standing. He stalked out the door, tossing his empty cup expertly into a bin nearby.

"Who's he going to call?" Jim asked, watching him leave.

"Ghostbusters?" Tohma said, with a straight face.

Jim nearly choked on his coffee, as a burst of laughter erupted from him.

"Fucking hell, Tohma!" he spluttered, trying to wipe the splattered coffee from his chin, and brushing futilely at the stains down his shirt. He had drawn every eye in the reception area with his outburst, and he felt his face growing red from the embarrassment.

He glared at the grinning Tohma. "How the hell do you know that line!"

"We do have TV and movies in Japan, Jim." he said mildly.

Jim snorted, still brushing at his tie, frowning at the marks showing up on the light mustard colour. "Yeah, but it's not exactly the sort of film I imagined you watching!"

"Just goes to show you don't know everything about me."

"As if I could! Your secrets are tighter than a chastity belt on a virgin!"

Tohma couldn't help chuckling. It felt good to loosen up a little, and laugh.

"So, seriously, who do you think he's calling?"

Tohma looked over towards the door Yuki had disappeared through. He looked thoughtful. "You know, I have no idea." he said quietly.

Hiro put the phone down gently. He drew in a shuddering breath, feeling a burning in his eyes. He raised a hand to his face and felt the dampness on his cheeks.

He was alive. Shuichi truly was alive. Okay, they still hadn't found him, but they hadn't given up yet. That bastard Yuki wouldn't give up, that much Hiro knew. He may not particularly like the man, he just couldn't find it in his heart to do so, but he did have a measure of respect for him. He knew that when Yuki put his mind to it, nothing could stand in his way. Over this time, Hiro had come to notice that where Shuichi was concerned, Yuki's protective streak had come out most strongly. Shu had the habit of doing that people. Hell, he had been doing it to Hiro all their lives! Not that Hiro particularly minded. He couldn't imagine his life without Shuichi.

These past few months with him not around had seemed so unreal, as though it would all be a dream that Hiro would awaken from soon. During this time, Ayaka had stayed close to him. He had appreciated that, and more than enjoyed the company. He had even managed to build up the courage to take their relationship further. Not all the way, not yet. He wasn't going to play on her sympathy with his loss of his best friend, he wasn't that low. But she had willingly come to him one night, and seduced him of all things! It had taken all his will power not to let it continue further. That had been really hard! She had agreed that it wasn't the right time yet, but she had then gone on to pleasure him, both orally and manually, and it had been completely mind blowing!

He felt his face grow hot, and a familiar hardening in his trousers. Not again! Since that night with Ayaka, his thoughts and fantasies about that time were so much more intense it was making his life a little uncomfortable!

He dragged his thoughts away from his own pleasures, to focus back on the recent conversation. He appreciated the call from Yuki. Yuki knew Hiro didn't really like him. Hiro was sure that the feeling was entirely mutual. However, because they had something in common, namely Shuichi, they had settled into a 'comfortable' association. Neither would do anything to try and turn Shuichi against the other, neither would deliberately try and do something against the other. Neither of them could bear to see Shuichi cry. Gods, how ironic could it be that one of the things Hiro missed most was having Shuichi bawling on his shoulder over the slightest little thing! It was funny what suddenly seemed important to you, once it was gone.

He turned and made his way to the kitchen, opening the fridge and pulling out a beer. He took a long drink, savouring the feel of the liquid sliding down his throat, the malty taste in his mouth.

Shuichi was alive. He was absolutely, completely alive. That was the very best of news that he had heard for so long. It had nearly killed him with this waiting; the constant not knowing, the doubt that forever filled his mind. He couldn't bring himself to believe that Shuichi was dead. He hadn't even wanted to think that. But it was the uncertainty that hung over that thought. The not knowing either yes, or no.

He hadn't heard anything from Yuki since that first phone call. Just thinking about that day made the pit of Hiro's stomach turn to ice. He shivered where he stood, unable to stop the coldness coursing through his veins. If he lived to be one hundred, he never, ever, wanted to feel like that again!

He remembered when he had first heard the news. He had caught it on the radio as he had got up that morning. Immediately he had rung Yuki. He had hoped at that time that Yuki would tell him that Shuichi had missed that flight. The day had dragged on, and every report that Hiro had heard was worse, every update described in detail just how bad it was.

He had continued to ring Yuki's number, both his cell and home, leaving message after message, whilst all the time his heart was a tight knot in his chest, threatening to rise up and choke him. He had even driven over to Yuki's place three or four times during the course of the day, standing in the hall, leaning on the bell, pounding on the door, almost screaming out both Yuki's and Shuichi's name. Praying, just praying, that one of them would open the door, and the nightmare would be over. But the apartment had remained silent each time.

By the time that Yuki had called him that evening, he was exhausted. Mentally, physically, and emotionally. He no longer had any hope. Shuichi had been on that plane. Now he just prayed for a miracle.

When Yuki had called, Hiro had been surprised. Yuki obviously knew what had happened, and said he was on his way to find Shu. However, he had taken the time to call and tell Hiro. Hiro had appreciated that. When Yuki had told him that he had called because it's what Shuichi would have wanted him to do, well, that brought a flush of warmth flooding into his cold heart. For a fleeting moment, he had almost felt close to Yuki, like they shared a secret bond. A bond called Shuichi.

He walked outside, still holding his beer. The sunshine was warm, sheltered out of the wind as it was.

"Who was that, Hiro?"

He turned to see Maiko. Shuichi's little sister looked up at him from where she sat a little distance away. He walked over and squatted down next to her, giving her a gentle smile.

"It was Yuki." he said quietly. He saw her eyes widen, fear growing large in them, and hurried to reassure her. She, all of Shuichi's family, had been fearing the worse for the past two months. They had tried to hold on to their hope but it had been hard, and Hiro had watched that hope change to resignation of the inevitable. It had broken his heart to see Maiko's young face clouded in grief for the brother that she thought she would never see again.

He reached out and placed a hand comfortingly on the top of her head. "He's okay, Maiko." he said. "Truly." She continued to just look up at him, disbelief shinning there. "It's true. Yuki said that they have definite proof that Shu is alive. But there is a problem." He had to be honest with her.

Her bottom lip trembled a little, and she bit down on it as she struggled to get her emotions under control, to be strong. It had been very hard on her. It had been really up to her to be the support for her parents. It saddened Hiro. She was too young to be bearing such a heavy burden.

"What?"

"Yuki said that Shu's lost his memory, so he's wandered off somewhere. They're trying to find him in New York."

"New York?" It was name that meant no more to her than a place on a world map.

"Yes. That's where he went to. Yuki said that they've got some help from the police, and they're doing everything they can to find him."

"How long will it take?" Maiko so desperately wanted her brother back.

Hiro sighed, and crossed his legs under him to sit down properly. "They don't know. It's not going to be easy. New York is a pretty big place."

Maiko's lip began to tremble again. "Hey," Hiro said, stretching out an arm to place around her shoulders, and drew her to his chest. He heard her snuffle into his shirt, trying not to cry. "It'll be alright. Yuki's over there, and so is Tohma Seguchi. Both of them are looking for him. And they've got this far, right? If he's over there, Yuki will find him, don't you worry about that."

"I guess." Maiko said in a small voice.

Hiro could feel her tears soak through his shirt. "So let's put on a brighter face and go tell the good news to your parents, okay?"

The girl raised her head and scrubbed an arm across her face, wiping away the tears. The gesture was the same one Hiro had seen Shuichi use so many times, and his heart clenched. He fixed a smile on his face, not letting his inner turmoil be seen on the surface.

"Feel better?" he asked. Maiko looked up at him, putting on a tremulous smile. "Good girl." he said with affection.

Suddenly, she threw her arms around his neck, hugging him tightly. "I'm so glad you're here, Hiro." she whispered brokenly, squeezing him. "It's like having a part of Shu with me all the time." She drew back and looked up into his face. "I'm just so glad you're here."

He smiled warmly down at her, brushing back the hair from her face. "I couldn't leave you all here alone, could I? Shu would have kicked my ass if I had!"

Maiko gave a small smile. "Yeah, he would have."

Hiro stood and held out a hand to assist her to her feet. "Let's go and tell your parents the news." and they made their way back into the house.

Yes. Shuichi was alive, Hiro thought, feeling the beginnings of a smile on his face, the thawing of his heart. He was alive.

Yuki finished his cigarette.

He had felt….relieved, after speaking with Hiro. The two of them would probably never be 'friends', but they did have their own kind of understanding. Yuki respected Hiro; for his loyalty, dedication, ability to have put up with Shuichi for all these years. For that alone, the boy should be given a medal! Yuki had only had to deal with it for a few years, and it still drove him crazy! How Hiro managed to maintain his calm, unflappable manner after all this time was something Yuki could only envy!

Well, he had done what he thought was the right thing. Hiro would make certain only the people that really needed to know were told about the news. That Shuichi was definitely alive, but still, unfortunately, missing. And that Yuki was still looking for him.

He ground out the cigarette and walked back inside, noticing Jim and Tohma laughing together. He still couldn't help but wonder about what had gone on between those two, sometime in the past. He dropped into a chair next to them, a little more carefully than he had done so the first time remembering the jarring pain he had received for his troubles.

"Ah!" Jim spoke up just then. "Looks like we might be getting some action." Yuki watched a uniformed policeman walk towards them.

Jim stood to greet him, pulling out his ID to be scrutinized again, before a brief wave indicated they should follow. The police officer buzzed them through the security doors and led them down a corridor. There was the noise of bustling activity coming from a number of rooms they passed. The officer opened a door, and they entered to a bare room with just a table and four chairs with a fifth placed in one corner. A long glass window filled one wall.

"An interview room," Jim informed them, taking a chair.

"If you'll just wait a moment, they'll be with you shortly." the officer said to Jim. He nodded his thanks and the officer left, quietly shutting the door behind him.

"Take a seat, boys." Jim waved to the vacant ones. They were of the same design as the ones in the reception area.

Yuki eyed them with distaste. "I think I'll stand." he said, reaching for his cigarettes.

Tohma took one of the other chairs. "Is that alright?" he asked Jim, indicating Yuki's cigarette.

"Yeah, should be fine. It's not uncommon to let perps smoke in these rooms. I don't think they'll mind." Yuki had already lit up and taken his first lungful, before receiving Jim's go ahead.

The sound of the door opening again, made the three of them turn.

The first person to enter was a young man, late twenties, perhaps early thirties. He had light brown hair, and deep, dark penetrating eyes. On his face was a gentle, welcoming smile directed at them. The person following was a man of a similar age, though dark haired, with more of a cocky attitude and piercing green eyes. They both carried themselves with a graceful ease.

The first drew closer to them, extending his hand in welcome. Yuki noticed that the other had positioned himself at the door as though on guard, just watching.

"Jim Harris, I believe." The first man was softly spoken, with a pleasing voice.

Jim stood, and held out his hand to clasp the others. "That's right."

"I'm Randy Maclean."

"Randy? I thought your name was Ryo."

"Oh, sorry, I didn't realize that you knew me by that name."

"Which begs the question," a deeper voice spoke up from behind Ryo. "How you do know that?"

Jim looked past Ryo's shoulder to where the other was still standing, arms folded. Cocky little shit, was all Jim could think. "A mutual friend told me."

"And who might that be?" the dark haired man pressed, not moving. Ryo threw a look over his shoulder as though to quiet the other.

Jim answered. "Diana Spacey."

"Diana!" Ryo sounded surprised and pleased.

"What's that sea hag up to now!" was the more unflattering comment made by the other.

"Why you…" Jim said, taking offense at the slur cast on his friend. He was beginning to get a little riled with the other's attitude.

"Stop it, Dee." Ryo's voice chided, bringing an almost pout to the other's face. Ryo turned back to Jim. "You'll have to forgive him. He sometimes forgets he's not still in grade school."

"Ryo!" the other growled at his partner.

"Get over here, Dee, and stop being a pain." Ryo motioned with his head. Dee slouched forward, still frowning at everyone all round.

"So you must be Dee Laytner." Jim said, looking him up and down.

"And what of it?" Dee said belligerently.

Ryo reached up calmly, and slapped the back of Dee's head. "Ow!" Dee let out, clutching the abused portion of his anatomy, and turning to look accusingly at his partner. "What was that for?"

"Play nice, Dee." Ryo said, with a touch of warning in his voice. Dee immediately seemed to fold in on him self, though somewhat reluctantly.

Yuki was watching this interplay in amazement, cigarette hanging forgotten from his lips. This was supposed to be the great help that Jim was getting them! They were fucking nutcases! Complete and utter morons! They wouldn't be able to find their way out of a paper bag, even with a flashlight! Jim couldn't be serious! He'd be better off hiring a bunch of monkeys to help him! Hell, even Shuichi would be able to do a better job of finding himself than these two! And he's got fucking amnesia!

Jim turned and introduced first Tohma, and then Yuki. Ryo smiled pleasantly at them both as they shook, ignoring Yuki's cold look. Dee shook Tohma's hand with no issues, but when it came to Yuki's, his eyes narrowed in response to Yuki's glare.

"So, what's your problem?" Dee muttered to Yuki.

Yuki's eyes narrowed further. "You!" he snarled back. Their hands gripped each other, growing tighter and tighter, squeezing like vices, neither one intending to back down.

"They are rather similar, don't you think?" Yuki heard Tohma's mild voice speak up.

"Yes, I would agree." Ryo responded, taking a seat, before turning to Jim. "So what brings you to here? Does Diana need something?"

Yuki and Dee realised at the same time that they were being completely ignored. Like chastised children, they released their grips and backed away from each other. Throwing black looks in each direction, they both grabbed vacant chairs and sat.

"No. Diana doesn't need your help. I do." Jim rested his hands on the table, a serious expression on his face as he looked at both Ryo and Dee. "I'm going to lay my cards completely on the table, but I want your word that this goes no further than this room. Agreed?"

Ryo and Dee looked at each other. It seemed like they were almost communicating silently together, then as one they turned their faces back to Jim.

"Agreed," Ryo said.

"Thank you." Jim replied. "I'm not here officially as FBI. I'm working on something…personal."

Ryo threw a quick glance towards Tohma and Yuki, "Something to do with Japan?"

"Not exactly Japan it self, but it is to do with a Japanese citizen we're trying to find."

"How well do you both understand English?" Ryo asked, directing his question to Tohma and Yuki.

"Just as well as you, Mr Maclean, despite your Japanese heritage," Tohma spoke up smoothly.

Ryo started a little, and Yuki too was surprised. Ryo was part Japanese? He looked harder at the other man, taking careful note of his features. Ah, yes, he had missed it at first. It was the eyes. Trust Tohma to have seen it.

"Ah, that's okay then. I just wondered if we needed to get an interpreter for you." Ryo explained.

"That's quite unnecessary, but thank you for your consideration." Tohma replied with a small nod.

"Why not go through the Embassy?" Dee put in then. "You're FBI, you've the clout to get what you want."

"It's a little more complicated than that. The only way is by old fashioned street work."

"Why come to us?"

"Like I said, I'm doing this under the table. The person in question was a survivor from the flight that went down two months ago."

"I know the one." Dee spoke up from where he lounged in his chair. 'Almost a complete loss of life."

"Yeah, but one of the survivors is the person we're trying to find."

"So what's the problem?"

"He's got amnesia. Doesn't remember who he is, or where he was from. We tracked him as far as here to New York, but we're going to need some help from here on. I asked Di, and she suggested you two might help."

"Don't know why she did that." Dee spoke up. "Look, Jim." he said, lighting up a cigarette. "We've got enough work on our plate at the moment. Unless it comes through the official channels, our hands are tied."

Jim nodded. "Okay. If that's how you feel, I understand. Thanks for your time."

He began to stand, when Ryo's voice halted him. He was looking at Tohma and Yuki still. "You haven't explained exactly who these two men are, and how they fit into the picture?"

Jim threw a glance over at Tohma, than answered. "They're the kid's…friends."

"Friends," Ryo repeated, looking intently at them both. His eyes were drawn back to Yuki. "And what did you say the name of this person you're trying to find is?"

"Shuichi Shindou." Jim said, not understanding what Ryo was getting at.

"Ah!" Ryo said quietly, almost with an air of triumph. He had seen the small twitch from Yuki at the mention of Shuichi's name, the flash of yearning. "So," he said to Yuki. "He's a lot more than just a 'friend' to you, isn't he?"

Yuki glared back, jaw clenching. Dee stood and moved closer behind Ryo, as though to protect him, glaring back just as fiercely. "What's it to you!" Yuki growled.

Ryo smiled calmly at him, saying nothing, but turning to look up at Jim. "Let's meet later tonight at my place, so we can talk some more. We'll see what we can come up with from there." and with a warm smile directed at them all, he stood.

"Hey, Ryo, what..?" Dee was saying behind his partner, when a gentle hand on his shoulder quietened him.

Ryo turned back to face Jim. "Get my address from the desk on your way out. Call about 10 tonight, and if you like, we can have a late dinner even. Dee and I'll be finished our shift by then."

"Sure."

"Great. We'll see you out."

They filed out of the room, Yuki brining up the rear. He couldn't understand the sudden turn around by Ryo. He had shown no intention of helping them, and then suddenly was inviting them for dinner that night! It didn't make any sense! Obviously his partner, Dee, didn't understand either, not judging from the dark scowl on his face.

"Dee!" a voice called loudly from down the hall behind them.

Dee spun around with a look of pure horror, holding his arms straight out in front of him in a defensive position. "JJ!" he roared. "Don't you even dare think of doing anything stupid!"

The carrot topped figure hurtling towards them, skidded to a stop upon seeing that Dee was with company that he didn't know. Damn it, how was he supposed to get Dee alone if there were all these strangers around!

"Now go and annoy your own partner!" Dee ordered him. JJ sighed and moped off. Guess he didn't have much choice.

Ryo chuckled. Dee scowled at him. "Knock it off! It's getting to the point I can't even take a piss without worrying he's going to jump me!" That only made Ryo laugh harder. Dee took a mock swing at Ryo, who easily dodged out of the way, before draping an arm around Dee's shoulder, trying to placate him.

Suddenly, things fell into place for Yuki. Suddenly he knew why Ryo had offered to help. These two, Ryo and Dee, were much more than just partners working together. They were partners in more ways than one. Just like Shuichi and him.

He glanced at Tohma, who just stood with a calm smile on his face. He wondered if Tohma had figured that out. Probably. Tohma didn't miss much. Did Jim know? Yuki glanced at the other man. He stood grinning at the interplay between the two cops. Judging from that smirk, yeah, Jim knew.

Perhaps this would work out after all, Yuki thought to himself, following the two detectives down the corridor as Ryo continued to try and drive the sulky look from his partner's face.

If they didn't drive him nuts first!


	11. Chapter 11

Title: The Key to My Heart: Chapter 11

Author: JadeHeart

Located/Archived: Found on & If anyone else would like it, please ask me first

Fandom: Gravitation (some FAKE)

Rating: M

Warnings: angst, bad language, sexual implication

**Disclaimer: **I do not own the characters in this, except that of Agent Jim Harris who is my original character. All other main characters belong to the creators of 'Gravitation' and 'FAKE', and I am not making any profits from this story.

Chapter 11

Dee opened the door in answer to the knock, a scowl on his face as he saw who it was, but he still waved them in.

Yuki glanced around the room. Ryo's apartment was neat and tidy, simply in its décor, it reminded him a little of his own apartment back home. The sound of dishes clattering came from another room.

"Yo, Ryo!" Dee called out, walking back to the couch. "They're here!"

Ryo walked out, wiping his hands on a towel, a smile of greeting on his face. "Take a seat. We were just about to order some Chinese. Sorry it sounds a little clichéd, but there's a great little place nearby that delivers and is open till late so we use it a lot. Does that suit you, or would you rather something else?"

"That would be fine, Mr Maclean." Tohma replied.

"Please, call me Ryo."

"Very well. Ryo."

"Great. Have a look through the menu." and Ryo handed the leaflet over. "We've already chosen."

After they had all made their selection, he picked up the phone to order. "Dee, can you get some drinks?" he called over his shoulder.

Dee humphed, obviously still out of sorts, but rose from his seat. "What do you fancy? We've got plenty of beer."

"Suits me," Jim spoke up.

"Eiri and I will have the same." agreed Tohma.

Dee went to the kitchen and returned in a moment with five bottles of beer, handing them to Jim, Yuki and Tohma, placing one on the coffee table, obviously for Ryo, before cracking the seal of the other still in his hand and taking a swig. Ryo hung up the phone and wandered back to them.

"It shouldn't be long." Ryo said, sitting down on the floor as it was the only place left. He reached out and picked up his beer. "So, why don't you tell us some more about this case?"

"Well,…." and Jim began.

The next 20 minutes was a succinct summary of their search for Shuichi Shindou. The difficulties of finding the survivors in the first place, the mix-up at the hospital, his amnesia, missing him at the next hospital, trailing him finally to New York and using up their last lead. Jim was calm, concise, and to the point. He presented things factually, unclouded by emotion. Ryo and Dee listened without interrupting.

"Hmm," Ryo murmured once Jim had finished. He tipped his head back and drank from his beer. Dee remained silent. "I can see that you've got a bit of a problem. It's not like he has other places that he might go to if he's not familiar with New York, or for that matter could remember much more. Is there any chance that something more may have triggered in his mind once he reached that address?"

Tohma shook his head, "I don't believe so. There's nothing there and it's not a place Shindou was truly familiar with. I can't see why it would have."

"That's the problem then."

"I know." Jim agreed. "That's where we've got no idea of where to take it from here."

"Well, the first thing he would have wanted to do is find somewhere to stay." Dee put in

Jim looked at him and Dee shrugged. "Look, what's the first thing he would have done after going to that apartment? You said it's completely derelict; he would hardly want to stay there. He may have lost his mind, but that doesn't necessarily make him stupid."

"That is entirely debatable at times." Tohma put in with a straight face.

"Huh?" Dee looked over at him, not understanding.

Jim waved Tohma's comment away. "Never mind him." He threw a quick frown in Tohma's direction. "He's got issues."

Ryo just looked from one face to another, taking it all in, before his eyes settled on Yuki.

"You obviously know him the best. How would he act?"

"I may know him, but I never know what he's going to do."

"Sounds like someone I know." Dee muttered under his breath.

Ryo reached out and punched his leg, without turning away from Yuki.

"Ouch!" Dee muttered, pulling the offended limb out of reach.

Ryo continued speaking to Yuki. "May be. However, he came to New York, arrived at that address, and found nothing. You say he wouldn't really have remembered anything about that place? Nothing that would have may be triggered another memory about somewhere else in New York that he would go to?"

Yuki shook his head. "That place….. that is from my past. Not Shuichi's."

"Hmmm," Ryo lapsed back into silence, thinking. "That's interesting in itself. Why would he remember and go somewhere that actually wasn't something to do with him at all but was something to do with you? I wonder." Ryo's took another drink, lapsing back into silence.

"Like I was saying, I don't think we're looking at it the right way." Dee spoke up again. All four faces turned towards him. He looked back at them seriously, all traces of the cocky, in-your-face attitude gone.

"Okay, he's got no memory. His only one has just gone belly-up, he's in a strange country, you say he doesn't know the language well, so what do you think he's going to do? Try and find somewhere to stay, some place that he can feel safe. That's what we've got to focus on."

"But where would he go? And how would he have decided to go there in the first place?" Tohma asked.

Dee frowned at him, but before he could make any comment, Jim interjected. "Of course!" he said with a slap to the forehead. "I've got to be stupid or something!"

"No," Ryo put in quickly. "I think you just might be a little too close to this at times."

Jim flashed him a smile of thanks for the support before continuing, "He wouldn't have much money. It's not like he was provided with a blank cheque or anything. We know he's already used some for the airfare and taxis to get here, so he would know that he's got a limited amount of funds to do anything with. So the first thing he'll do is want to find somewhere to call his own, a place to make his own. He's got no other memories, so he's going to be trying to create some new ones, and the first one will always be to provide some sense of security or belonging. So he would look for a place to stay."

"Exactly!" Dee said, drinking. "But that still leaves us with the question of where?"

"Just how limited are his language skills?" Ryo asked.

"Quite." Tohma said dryly.

"Yeah," agreed Yuki. "If he had to ask for the way to the train station, he'd end up being directed to a brothel!"

"That's a problem then. Does he have enough language skills though to get a taxi to take him somewhere, without having an address to give?"

"Possibly," Yuki said slowly. He shrugged. "To be honest, I really don't know. It's not like I generally converse in English with him."

"He got to the place downtown though." Dee put in.

"That's because he was able to remember that address, and he could write it down. He had only ever seen it written in English, and would have been able to say that."

"Anywhere else?"

Yuki shrugged. "I don't know."

"Why the hell didn't the government ship him straight back to Japan?" Dee snapped out in exasperation, glaring at Jim. "It would have saved us a hell of a lot of trouble!"

Jim glared back at him. "Yeah, it would have been nice, if it was all so nice and tidy, but it didn't happen that way!"

"Actually, I'm curious myself as to why they left him to run loose." Ryo put in quietly, waylaying the beginnings of the argument.

Jim calmed himself and turned to Ryo. "The best I can find out is that the government considered it an Embassy issue once they had cleared each of the survivors. I don't think they actually even thought about the fact that since Shuichi had lost his memory, even though he had been told he was Japanese, that the kid just wouldn't think to ask for that kind of assistance. It just wouldn't have meant anything to him. I guess both the government and the hospital just assumed that Shuichi would make his way to the nearest Japanese Embassy, and they would take it from there. If he had, he would have been home in no time. They forgot that the kid wouldn't have even known how to ask to get to the Embassy in the first place!"

"Bloody, fucking, stupid morons!" Dee muttered darkly.

"Yeah." Jim agreed wholeheartedly with Dee for the first time.

"They also weren't taking into account Shuichi's mental and emotional state he was in at that time." Ryo put in. "Not just the fact that he had amnesia, but the fact that the only thing he could remember was that one address. So he would have been clinging to that above all else. Even if he had thought to go to the Embassy, I don't think he would have until after he had come here to check that address out."

"Hey, shouldn't the interpreter have figured all this out? Wouldn't he have said something to the kid?" Dee asked suddenly, leaning forward a little.

"What interpreter?" Tohma asked, curiously.

"Well, there would have had to have been an interpreter." Dee said, looking over at Tohma as though he was stupid to not have realised this. "How else would the government have been able to interview him at the hospital, or the hospital staff to get anything out of him? Not everyone speaks Japanese around here, you know? So there would have had to have been a Japanese interpreter present. So why didn't he sort any of this out?" His question was directed to Jim, as he was the one with the higher connections to the more political messes at this moment. It was at times like this that Dee was very glad he was just a simple detective.

"Yeah, there would have been someone who could have spoken Japanese, but you forget they were just there for one purpose; to find out if Shuichi was a terrorist or not, and what exactly occurred with regards to the crash. I hate to say this, but once they had found that information out, Shuichi would have lost all importance in their eyes pretty rapidly. They would have just assumed that someone else would sort it out from there."

"So what you're saying, is that everyone considered the kid someone else's problem, so he was just left out to dry by them all! That sucks!"

"Big time," Jim agreed.

"But what about the hospital?" Ryo asked. "Surely they should have realised, better than anyone, what state he was in? Why did they let him discharge himself?"

Tohma answered that one, "Physically, Shindou didn't need to be in hospital any longer so they had no reason to keep him. He was quite capable of signing the discharge papers, and they knew he had an address to go to, so they probably didn't think there was a problem. They had also been given no further instructions by your government that he was to be detained. As far as they knew, he had been cleared so he was free to do what he wished."

"Jesus!" Dee said, slumping back into his seat. "This is crap! It's just one stuff up after another! How could all this happen to just one kid?"

"Shindou has a knack for attracting trouble." Tohma said dryly. "Of all sorts."

At that moment, the doorbell rang and Ryo stood to answer it. He retuned in a moment with two bags, and began to lay the contents out on the table.

"Dee, go and grab some plates and things, will you?"

Dee disappeared into what Yuki assumed must be the kitchen, and retuned a moment later with the required utensils. They all quickly helped themselves and settled back into their respective seats.

"So, getting back to the problem, where do we go from here?" Ryo said, as he swallowed a mouthful. "We've established that language is going to be the most difficult point for him, and that he would immediately have been looking for somewhere to stay. That makes sense, but where does that lead us?"

"Lack of English will mean that he'd probably try and head for somewhere that he would find people who he could talk to." Dee mumbled around a mouthful of food. Ryo frowned up at him for his lack of manners and he hurriedly swallowed to clear his mouth. He began to choke a little in his hurry, and grabbed his beer for a quick drink. Taking a breath, he continued.

"Best place is probably Chinatown."

Ryo nodded. "I agree."

"How would he get there?" Tohma asked.

"Oh, I'm sure that he would have found a way. The only thing that concerns me is him getting out of that neighbourhood safely. It's pretty rough there, with a lot of different ethnic gangs, and it would not be a good thing if he had got spotted by the wrong one." Ryo glanced quickly at Yuki. "I'm not trying to frighten you, but it's the truth."

Yuki shrugged, not saying a word as he continued to eat.

Ryo carried on. "I think the best bet is for us," and he indicated Dee also. "To check a few things out tomorrow, about any activity in that area over the past week. It might give us a lead. We'll also start making some enquiries in Chinatown. If we find anything we can let you know, Jim, and you may be able to dig something more up from your end."

"That at least sounds like a plan of attack." Jim nodded in agreement.

"It's probably going to take a bit of time to get anything out of Chinatown though." Dee warned, making a stabbing motion with his chopsticks. "They tend to close ranks to look after their own, and the cops aren't usually their favourite people. So it might take a while to turn anything up."

"Yeah, I know that."

"Just thought I would point it out," Dee said sweetly.

Jim frowned at him, but Ryo spoke up and said. "Dee, go and get us all another beer."

Dee glanced down at his partner but didn't argue, standing and trailling into the kitchen. Yuki snorted to himself. It was pretty damn obvious who wore the pants in this relationship! However surprising it might have seemed!

"Wouldn't you be able to find him through bank accounts and such?" Tohma asked, neatly stacking the used plates and empty cartons into tidy piles on the table.

"Probably not going to happen," Dee's voice answered him from the kitchen doorway, as he returned with the required refreshment. "He wouldn't be registered with a social security number, and until he starts earning some money he's not going to have a bank account."

"And there's every chance," Ryo added. "That even if he did get a job, that he still wouldn't have a bank account. There are plenty of jobs that only pay cash because they use illegal immigrants, or things are a bit on the shady side, or as a tax dodge. It's pretty easy actually to be an invisible person in a city this size. Circumstances just have to be right."

"Which means it makes it a lot harder to track Shuichi's movements, and find him." Jim summed up for them all.

"Absolutely," Dee said, sitting back and lighting up a cigarette.

"However," Ryo spoke up quietly, looking from face to face with a soft smile. "That doesn't mean that we give up now. We haven't even started yet, and we only need to get one lucky break. So until we do, we'll keep searching. You've come this far, there wouldn't be much point giving up now just because it got a little harder, would it?" His eyes moved back to Yuki, sitting there smoking also.

Yuki stared back. Something about Ryo made him want to believe, made him want to truly believe, that they had a chance to find Shuichi. Through the course of the evening, he had found himself becoming more and more morose, the task seeming to become insurmountable. How could he even think he had a hope in hell of finding Shuichi in a place this size! It was ludicrous, stupid! He was being as moronic as Shuichi! He knew better. He was smarter than that!

But his heart still refused to give up, and looking into Ryo's warm dark eyes, Yuki couldn't help but still believe.

"No." he answered. Ryo's smile deepened, as though reading so much more in Yuki's one simple word.

"Then get some sleep. I'll call you tomorrow sometime. It might not be till evening, but we'll try and get together again soon."

It was a subtle way of indicating an end to the evening, and they all stood.

Jim shook Ryo's hand. "Thanks for this. I really appreciate it. Di was right about you two."

Ryo smiled warmly back. "Give her our best when next you speak to her."

"I will."

"My thanks also," Tohma said, with a small inclination of his head.

Ryo brushed it aside. "We haven't done anything yet." he pointed out.

"The fact that you are even going to try for us is something to be grateful for. Goodnight to you both." and Tohma turned to follow Jim.

Yuki put his hand out to Ryo, not smiling. "Let us know what you find." he said brusquely, and turned away.

Ryo watched as their guests walked to the elevator, his eyes on Yuki's back.

"So, do you fancy him then?" He heard Dee's soft voice from behind. He jumped a little, startled out of his thoughts, and blushed.

He turned his head to look at Dee over his shoulder and smiled. "You know I only go for brunettes." He was pleased to see that comment make Dee's luscious lips curve in a smile of pleasure.

Ryo stepped back through the door, closing it as Dee entered after him. He remained silent as he made his way to their bedroom, slipping off his shirt and folding it neatly on the chair.

"Still thinking about that kid, aren't you?"

Ryo looked over at Dee. "Yes, I am. It's going to be hard. I don't even know if we'll be able to find him."

Dee walked over and wrapped his arms around Ryo's waist from behind, holding him against his body. "All we can do is try our best. There's not much else."

"I know." Ryo acknowledged, leaning back into Dee's embrace. "But I can't help thinking, what is Yuki going through?"

"He's a cool customer, that's for sure."

"Maybe. But his eyes tell a whole different story." Ryo said. "He's desperate."

"You think so?"

Ryo turned his head to look back at Dee. "Yes." he said firmly. "And I think I know a little of how he feels."

"How come?"

Ryo gazed deeply into Dee's green eyes. "Because I know how frantic I would be if I couldn't find you."

Ryo saw Dee's eyes darken with pleasure at his words. With pleasure, and a burst of passion. Dee leant forward and brushed a kiss along the side of Ryo's face, before trailing out to his ear. Ryo sighed and closed his eyes, melting into the touch.

"So," Dee whispered in a husky tone in Ryo's ear, his warm breath caressing the skin and bringing a flood of heat over Ryo's body. "How do you say 'Let's fuck' in Japanese?"


	12. Chapter 12

Title: The Key to My Heart: Chapter 12

Author: JadeHeart

Located/Archived: Found on & If anyone else would like it, please ask me first

Fandom: Gravitation (some FAKE)

Rating: M

Warnings: angst, bad language

**Disclaimer: **I do not own the characters in this, except that of Agent Jim Harris who is my original character. All other main characters belong to the creators of 'Gravitation' and 'FAKE', and I am not making any profits from this story.

Chapter 12

The day was bright, too bright as far as Yuki was concerned. The day was too sunny, Tohma was too cheerful, and Jim looked too relaxed. As far as Yuki felt, this day already sucked!

He had woken up with a headache, a tightness that stretched from temple to temple, squeezing his skull. He had immediately taken two painkillers, but it had done no more than dampen it to a dull ache. It put him in a bad mood.

He had scowled into his coffee all through breakfast, responding to anything directed his way with monosyllabic answers, generally grunts.

"Okay, that's it!" Jim suddenly snapped. "What's your problem?"

Yuki glared at him. "Nothing!" he growled.

Jim rolled his eyes. "Yeah, right. I can see that you are your usual sunny disposition!"

"Actually," Tohma put in quietly, reaching for another bagel. "This is rather normal for Eiri."

Jim looked at him with utter astonishment. "You're kidding!" he turned to look back at the darkly scowling Yuki slumped in his chair. "**That's** normal!"

Tohma nodded. "I'm afraid so."

"Geesh!" Jim said in exasperation. "How the hell could anyone put up with **that** on a regular basis!"

"Shindou seemed to manage."

"The kid must be a saint!"

"No. Just stupid."

"Shut up!" Yuki snarled, picking up his coffee.

Jim began to chuckle quietly. "Hell, man! You are the most obnoxious, arrogant, self-centred, egotistical, bad tempered, cold hearted," he turned to Tohma. "Have I left anything out?"

Tohma thought for a moment then shook his head. "No, I don't think so."

"Alright. As I was saying, cold hearted bastard that I have ever met."

"Thanks." was Yuki's reply, and Jim went into gales of laughter.

"That's great!" he said, wiping away tears. "I needed that!"

"Glad I could help." Yuki groused.

"Anyway, what is up with you this morning?"

Yuki thought about not answering but then decided to do so. It wasn't Jim's fault. "Got a headache."

"A headache? I'd hate to see you when it was something serious!"

Yuki just glared at him over the rim of his cup.

"So what do you suggest we do today?" Tohma asked Jim, directing them back to business.

"We'll give Ryo and Dee time to check things out from their end. I think I'll make a few calls myself and see what I can come up with also. It might be a good idea for you two to go and have a word with your Embassy to see if they have heard of anything. It's a long shot, but we might just strike it lucky and Shuichi went there after all."

"It's certainly worth a try." Tohma agreed.

"You might try asking them for a list of places in the city that they know are frequented by Japanese, both visitors and locals. It could be worth checking them out." Jim shuffled the papers in front of him and pulled out a photo. "Is this the best photo you've got of him?" he asked.

Yuki looked at it and his heart clenched at that familiar face. It was a photo that he had carried in his wallet, and had for some time, the corners beginning to crease.

"Yeah. It was the last one that was taken."

"I'll run a couple of extra copies off, so we can show them around. I hope he hasn't changed much since then."

Tohma put his cup gently on the table, looking intently at Jim. "Why do you think he might have?" he questioned.

Jim grimaced then spoke. "Look, we know he was pretty badly hurt, no matter how lucky he was compared to the others that made it out of that crash, but we never really asked if his face had been banged up. Something as simple as a broken nose or cheek bone can alter someone's appearance quite dramatically. We don't even know if he had burns to the face, if there was any scarring that would change things."

Tohma pursed his lips. "You're right. We didn't really check all that out. The doctor just indicated that all the injuries were on the mend, but we never asked if there was scarring or disfigurement."

"Will the two of you just shut the FUCK UP!" Yuki snapped. They both looked at him in surprise. He glared at them, feeling his heart pounding in his chest. Abruptly he stood and stormed away, leaving them staring after him.

He almost slammed the door to his room open, immediately lighting a cigarette and heading for the balcony. He took a deep drag, trying to calm his thoughts. As Tohma and Jim had begun to speak of disfigurement, scarring, and changed appearances, Yuki had felt his stomach churn, and bile begin to rise in his throat. He didn't want to think of Shuichi like that. He **couldn't** be like that! He would be the same, look the same, sound the same. He would still be Shuichi!

An image of Shuichi's face rose before him. A face crisscrossed with raised red welts, torn and puckered skin, burnt edges blackened and charred…..Yuki ran to the bathroom and heaved his breakfast up.

Gods! He gripped the basin weakly, pulling himself to his feet. With unsteady hands he turned the taps and splashed water on his face. The coldness on his flushed skin snapped him out of his black thoughts. No, he wouldn't dwell on something that they didn't know was true. Surely if Shuichi had been disfigured that badly, Dr Karancski would have told them? Yuki felt certain that he would have. Therefore, Shuichi was still okay.

"Eiri?" He turned to see Tohma standing at the doorway. Yuki reached out and grabbed a towel, drying his face, before brushing past Tohma. "I'm sorry. That was very callous of us. I wasn't thinking."

"Huh!" Yuki grunted, lighting up another cigarette.

"How about we get organised, then go and visit the Embassy?"

"I'm ready."

"Then I'll just be a moment.' and Tohma disappeared into the bathroom.

Yuki moved out to the balcony, looking towards the horizon. He blew the smoke out, watching it drift away. So another day begins.

Most of the day for them was taken up at the Embassy. By the time they had made their way there, waited to speak to someone, explained the situation and requested help, the hours had ticked away. When they left, the sun had moved into mid-afternoon, and they had very little to show for it.

Tohma glanced down at the paper in his hand. It was a list of places that the Embassy had provided upon their request. "There's a couple near to here that might be worth checking out today." he said to Yuki.

Yuki grunted. "May as well, or this will have been a complete waste."

When they returned to the hotel, they still had nothing. The three locations that they had checked that afternoon provided no further clues, and they had decided to make their way back to the hotel as evening began to fall.

As they entered, they saw Jim sitting in the lobby, papers spread over one of the coffee tables before him, phone to his ear. He spotted them and waved them over.

"Yeah, I know, Di." They heard him say as they drew nearer. He motioned them to the seats across from him. "Yeah, it's going to be slow going. Can't be helped. What do I think of them? That's a loaded question. I know you're not asking if I fancy them! Though you're right, that Ryo's pretty cute! No wonder you've got the hots for him! Calm down, calm down! I'm kidding! I know you've only got eyes for one guy, even if he is a jerk! What? Can't a guy have an opinion? Yeah, yeah. Look, got to go, I'll talk to you later, okay? See ya."

Jim hung up and leant forward. "So how did your day go?"

"Waste of time!" Yuki said surlily, slumping down.

"The embassy hadn't heard anything, but did provide us with a list of possible places. We managed to check a few of them this afternoon but found nothing." Tohma added. "Apart from that…" he shrugged his shoulders indicating their lack of information.

Jim ran his hand through his hair, showing his own frustration. "Yeah, I know. I'm much the same. I've made some calls and got a few people checking some things out, but we really do need a lead to go on. We're completely in the dark at the moment!"

"Have you heard from Ryo?"

"Not yet. Probably won't until later this evening. They may have come up with something by then."

"Let's hope."

"Until then, how about we go out and grab an early bite to eat? I know a neat place just around the corner."

"Sounds good. Eiri?"

Yuki shrugged. "Whatever." he said off-handedly.

"Man, you have got to loosen up!" Jim said to him in exasperation. "Try committing to something for once!" He turned away immediately to walk to the door, and so didn't see the expression on Yuki's face. Tohma did though, and he pursed his lips in concern.

Commitment. Yes, Eiri had a problem with that. Commitment meant trusting, meant believing in someone, meant believing in a future. Commitment meant sticking to that, staying with that person, letting them be a part of your life. Oh, yes, did Eiri have a big problem with that!

Eiri had filled his life with his work and his casual dalliances. It couldn't even be said that he was committed to his work really. He was committed to it enough to make certain it happened but usually pushed the deadlines and in doing so pushed himself. Tohma often wondered if he didn't do this deliberately, as a form of self-punishment, self-flagellation. Leaving things till the death-knock and so making him physically ill and suffering for it. Tohma didn't put it past Eiri to do that.

His constant stream of sexual liaisons was another form of avoidance, Tohma was sure. The casual flings; rough, ready, get it quick, and discard just as quickly. None leading to commitment, none having an ice-cube's hope in Hell of leading to such a thing. By doing this, Eiri could keep everyone at a distance; everyone became nothing more than a means to an end when he wished it to be.

Eiri believed that everyone was only out for themselves anyway, so why shouldn't he be the same? In fact, why shouldn't he be even better, so get in first. Do unto others, whilst they're still **thinking** about doing it unto you! That was definitely Eiri's motto! He refused to accept help or assistance from anyone. Not through work, not through his family. Any help given would be fought against, and fought against hard. He didn't want to owe anyone, didn't want to be beholden to anyone. Tohma knew that it still rankled in Eiri's soul that once, a long time ago, he had desperately needed Tohma's help.

It was right back then that Tohma realised just how ruthless he, himself, could be. When he had walked in on that carnage, realised what it had all meant, that was when he had wished that the men had still been alive. Just so he could then have the pleasure of killing them himself for daring to put his Eiri through that! Yes, that was the very first time that he had realised what he had buried in himself. He had learnt to put that strong streak of ruthlessness and possessiveness to good use in the business world. People so often under-estimated him. All they saw was the pleasant smile, the polite words, and the pretty face. Few people bothered to truly look and see what was behind his eyes. Eiri knew, so did Mika. Jim knew; they had been through enough together for him to understand that about Tohma. Even Taki Aizawa knew – too late. What was his, was his, and would always be his. If anyone thought it could be any other way….well, let's just say there was no-one living to say otherwise.

However, Tohma had thought that with Shuichi, Eiri had begun to understand the meaning of the word 'commitment', was even beginning to live it. Eiri was committed to Shuichi in his own way. It had taken some time, and at the beginning Tohma hadn't understood just how deeply it had gone with him. Perhaps he really hadn't wanted to see it, he admitted grudgingly to himself as he followed Jim and Yuki down the street. Perhaps he had just become so used to looking after Eiri and Mika, like a matched set, that he couldn't picture a time when he wouldn't be. So when he saw that Eiri was changing slightly due to Shuichi's influence, it had felt like Eiri was slipping away from him. And that had hurt. He knew that he hadn't fully let go. He probably never would be able to completely. However, he did finally acknowledge to himself that Shuichi now held Eiri's happiness in his hands.

Which is why this all hurt so much. Shuichi should be here, with Eiri. They had come so far, and yet the boy still seemed to be no more than a whisper, a rumour that they were chasing. It felt as though all they were doing was chasing Eiri's dreams, his hopes. How much longer could they keep going? How much could they really hope for?

"Here we are!" Jim's voice cut into Tohma's musings. They took a table and ordered quickly.

Yuki leant back and lit a cigarette. "So, how come you're not staying at your apartment?" he asked Tohma.

Tohma sipped his water. "I had it rented out on a short term lease. I hadn't expected to be here, and it didn't seem considerate to try and expect someone to move just because I turned up unexpectedly in town. I generally plan things a little better."

"Humph!" Yuki said.

"I was going to give Ryuichi a call since we're here, but then I remembered he's currently down in Florida filming a video clip."

"Why would you want to call that nutcase!" Yuki snarled.

"Hey, how's that crazy kid going?" Jim interjected with a smile.

Tohma smiled back. "He's doing well. Although you really should stop calling him a kid, Jim. He's the same age as me."

"Well, maybe in age, but let's just say that in mental capacity, there's quite a gap. Or would you like me to compare your mental processes to his!"

"Ah, no, thank you. Ryuichi is…..unique."

"Ain't he just!" Jim laughed. "Gods, I remember the first time I met him! He scared the bejeebies out of me! Him and that stuffed pink rabbit thing! You know, I had nightmares for weeks afterwards about that thing!"

"It was hardly Ryuichi's fault."

"How can you say that! He's the one that put that damn thing there!"

"What did that idiot do?" Yuki wanted to know.

"Ryuichi just wanted to be friends with Jim, and so he wanted Kumagoro to get to know him." Tohma said in his calm reasonable voice.

"Get to know me! If he wanted to be friends, trying to give me a heart attack is not the way to go!" Yuki just raised an eyebrow as he sipped his scotch and Jim continued. "The moron sicced that damn fluffy monster onto me!"

"You're being a little harsh, Jim. Just because Ryuichi hid Kumagoro in the visor of your car."

"Exactly! So when I pulled it down whilst I was driving across Brooklyn Bridge, I had a pink stuffed rabbit falling through my vision into my lap! I just about wiped out three lanes of traffic and put myself over the edge! Took ten years off my life, I swear! Luckily I managed to pull over to the emergency lane and get myself together so I could keep going."

"Ryuichi was very upset to find that Kumagoro had been decapitated." Tohma put in chidingly.

Jim just glared at him. "He was damn lucky the head was the only part that thing lost! It nearly ended up taking a swim!"

"Ryuichi would have been devastated."

"So I gathered afterwards."

"So what did you do?" Yuki asked, curious despite himself. "That moron's so attached to that creepy thing I would have thought he would have screamed down New York if anything had happened to it."

Jim groaned. "I had to take the damn thing and go and find a place for it to be sewn up so well that he wouldn't really notice the stitches. It was frigging seven o'clock at night! I finally stopped at one of the fancy hotels and begged one of their night staff who handled alterations and laundry for the guests, for them to do it for me. I must admit they did a bloody good job with it."

"Yes, Ryuichi was very pleased. He called it Kumagoro's battle scar, suffered in the line of duty. He even said that Kumagoro was happy with it as well."

Jim rolled his eyes at Yuki. "Which I understood later meant that I was really honoured that Kuma-goo-goo, or whatever, thought that!"

"He's a moron." Yuki said, taking another drink.

"Yes, he is." Tohma agreed, slipping his napkin into his lap as their food arrived. "But he's an extremely talented moron."

"I don't know much about that." Jim said, picking up his fork. "But I gotta admit, he sort of does grow on you after a while."

"Yeah, so could mould!" Yuki growled.

"Eiri! That's not kind at all. You know Ryuichi likes you. How can you be so harsh?" Tohma chided him.

Yuki glared at him. "Having an idiot savant like him say he likes me, is not a compliment in my books!"

"Aw, come on, Yuki!" Jim said with a smile, chewing his food. "You saying you've got something against pink rabbits? Watership Down will come and haunt you."

"Huh?"

"Oh, don't worry about it. Just a book that the whole story's all about rabbits. I remember one of my work mates talking about it one time." He shuddered. "Personally, I thought the whole idea sounded really creepy!"

"Great! Now they're writing stories about fucking rabbits!"

"Well, I'm sure there was a bit of fucking in it!" Jim said with a leer. "After all, we are talking about rabbits, and you know the saying?"

"What, about breeding like rabbits?" Tohma questioned.

"Or bonking like bunnies!" Jim laughed.

Yuki let out a snort, amused despite himself. His black mood was gradually lifting. The day had been discouraging, yet this casual banter was helping ease his tension. Good food, good drink, good cigarettes…..and, he had to admit it, good company. They all settled back to eat.

When they returned to the hotel, Jim found a message waiting for him. He glanced at the paper and smiled. "Great!" he said to Tohma and Yuki, motioning them to come and follow him upstairs. "Ryo phoned, so come in and wait while I give him a call back."

As soon as Jim entered the room, he made his way directly to the phone. Yuki and Tohma settled into chairs, Yuki lighting up a cigarette immediately.

"Hey, Ryo. Jim Harris. Yeah, we were just out for some dinner. Yeah, my heart bleeds for you! What do you mean that I don't sound sincere? How can you say that? You know I sympathise, I know what it's like to pull a double shift. Not a lot of luck this end. We didn't get anything definitive from the embassy, but we'll be checking out a few places. Uh, huh. Yeah." Jim scribbled a few things as he was listening. "Yeah, we can follow through on those. What else have you got? You think that would work? You sure, it sounds a bit risky for him. Really? Well, if you say so, but I'm not sure I'm real happy about this. Yeah, yeah, look that's fine. I'll call you tomorrow and tell you how it's gone. Yeah, thanks for that. See ya."

Jim turned to the other two. "Ryo said he and Dee have put a few things in motion. They've got a kid from that neighbourhood making some inquiries for them."

"Is that wise?" Tohma asked.

Jim shrugged. "Ryo seemed pretty okay about it, so I guess he knows best."

"Sounds a bit pathetic if they're having to get a kid to do their work for them." Yuki grumbled around his smoke.

"It's pretty normal to use contacts from the areas we need to get information. I'm sure Ryo wouldn't have done this if he didn't think it would be the best way to do it."

"Humph!" Yuki snorted.

"Anything else?" Tohma questioned.

"Yeah, he's given us a couple of areas to check out, but most of them won't be open till night, so we're going to have to be careful."

"So what do we do now?"

"Tomorrow we go back to checking out that list you have from the Embassy. Between the three of us, we should get through most of it pretty easily. Keep your cell phones on so we can keep in contact. If any of us finds out anything, we call the others straight away."

"And after that?"

"Come evening, we start hitting these places." and Jim held up the piece of paper he had been writing on. "And when we do, we make sure we take it easy. Some of these places are going to be rough."

"How rough?" Tohma asked.

Jim looked at him steadily. "As rough as some of the other places you've been to." Tohma said nothing, just gave a small nod of his head.

What is going on here? Yuki thought, noticing the interchange. There really has been something between Tohma and Jim that he doesn't know about it.

"Well, in that case, I think we should call it a night and get some sleep. Tomorrow is going to be a long day, and I'd say we're going to be just as busy for the night also. Things could start getting tough from here on."

"Only from now?" Yuki said sarcastically, raising an eyebrow.

Jim looked at him. "Rougher, anyway. It's going to be a lot of slow, long footwork, and there's not really any way to rush it. You going to be able to handle that?"

Yuki scowled at him, and stubbed his cigarette out in the ashtray before standing. "I can handle myself." he growled as he stalked to the door and left the room.

Jim looked after him, then turned to where Tohma still sat. "Really think he can?" he questioned.

Tohma tipped his head. "He's going to have to, isn't he?"

"Yeah, he is."

"Good night, Jim."

"Yeah, night, Tohma."

Yuki and Tohma stepped out of the bar and made their way down the street. It was an unpleasant street to say the least; dark, dirty, dotted with people that most would have called the dregs of society. Winos slumped against the walls, whores called out crudely, flashing their wares, darkened corners hid furtive movement as shady deals went down.

"It would be nice if one night we actually went some where decent for a drink." Tohma said dryly, keeping a close eye out around him. Yuki just grunted, still walking.

Tohma sighed. For the past week, he and Yuki had roamed these streets, asking at every bar, shop, grubby boarding house, even the prostitutes that roamed these paths, if they had seen anyone like Shuichi, knew of him in any way. They carried a photo to show them, hoping that he hadn't changed from it in this time. Hoping he still looked the same.

Fortunately, he was over his pink hair phase. Fortunately, and unfortunately. If he still had pink hair at least that would have made him very distinctive, and unlikely to be forgotten! However, if he had stayed with that colour it would have made him stand out as a target, like painting a bulls-eye to his forehead. So every night Yuki had headed out on this trek, and every night Tohma followed. And every night had been the same. No luck.

Ryo had even recruited his young charge, Bikky, in gathering what information he could from the streets. Tohma had been a little surprised when Ryo had first suggested it, until he met Bikky in person. This brash, rude young boy startled Tohma completely, who was used to the far more sedate and well-mannered Japanese children. He still didn't quite know what to make of Bikky, but it wasn't his place to tell Ryo how to raise a child. And the relationship between Bikky and Dee was an even more curious one. If ever there was a love-hate relationship, it had to be that one, he thought, drawing the collar of his coat up around his neck higher. He refused to consider that it was similar in any way to the triangle of himself, Yuki and Shuichi.

"So where to next?" he asked the silent Yuki.

Yuki nodded his head in a direction. "That way." he said. "We haven't been down there yet."

They walked that way, stepping over the rubbish that littered the footpath. They turned down the side street and stepped into almost total darkness. The first few streetlights were dark, broken glass at their base signifying the reason why. Further down the street the lights still shone, throwing small pools of illumination around each.

Yuki felt the hair on the back of his neck rise with a sense of danger. He threw a quick glance towards Tohma and met his eyes. Tohma's eyes had narrowed, and flicked from side to side. Yes, he too felt it.

Yuki looked down the street. All was quiet, the only sounds were distant indistinguishable noises. He looked back at Tohma, questioning. A slight shrug from his brother-in-law indicated that he would follow Yuki's lead. Yuki squared his shoulders and stepped forward, Tohma by his side.

They walked with a steady pace, neither fast nor slow, even and firm steps. They soon found themselves in the darkness and continued. A scuff behind made them stop. They turned sideways, so they stood back to back. They could see the two men who had stepped out behind them, two others blocked them in front, and another stood on the kerbside. They all carried some form of weapon; a metal bar, what looked to be a wooden baseball bat, chains, a knife. Yuki was beginning to think that this had been a really bad idea.

"Well, well, well." one said stepping forward, slapping the metal bar into the palm of his hand regularly. "What have we here? A couple of chinks wandering around all alone. What's the matter, monkey boys? Lost your way?"

Coarse laughter came from the others in the gang, the smiles on their faces were predatory like rabid dogs catching the scent of blood. The leader stepped closer again, stopping only a couple of feet from Yuki.

"So, pretty boy, what brings you to our little neck of the woods, huh? Looking for a good time maybe? If you don't like the girls, I'm sure me boys would love to try a little bit of you and your friend." He glanced over towards Tohma. "He's sure a pretty one, isn't he? Guess you're both fags! You don't mind a bit up the bum, do you? The harder the better, I'd guess!"

His face wore a feral grin, cold and hard with delight at the thought of inflicting fear and pain on another he perceived as weaker. "Come on, boys!" he called to the others. "Let's show these pansies how to have a real good time!" and with loud laughter they all moved in, like a pack for the kill.

The leader shot out his hand to grab Yuki's throat, only to be greeted by a hand clamping around his wrist. Clamping and holding, then squeezing until the bones grated together. He yelled at the pain, struggling, bringing up the metal bar to smash down on Yuki's head.

Yuki saw it coming and stepped in closer to the thug, using his other arm to capture the weapon wielding arm close against his body, trapping it so it was immobilised. With a last hard twist on the trapped wrist that nearly broke it, Yuki released it and rammed the heel of his hand upwards under the thug's chin, snapping his head back violently. As he stumbled backwards, Yuki caught the metal bar as it fell from the nerveless fingers, grasping it and bringing it around in an arc to his right, to intercept the chain that was whistling towards his head. Twisting the bar, he tangled the chain around it, yanking hard, so the second thug stumbled forwards, pulled off balance.

Yuki took that moment to take a quick glance to see how Tohma was faring. He was in time to see Tohma dodge the bat-wielding thug, slipping to one side and kicking the man hard in the stomach. The punk doubled over, and Tohma once more stepped to one side, as the chain from another, swung through the space where he had been standing just a moment before, and instead of striking its intended target, it struck his winded pal directly across the back. The struck man dropped to the ground, his grip slackening on the bat, and Tohma swept it up and faced his chain-wielding adversary.

Yuki turned back to deal with his own problems, confident that Tohma could handle himself. He hadn't really been worried. Few people would think it of Tohma Seguchi, but the man could more than look after himself in a nasty situation.

Yuki's opponent charged him, trying to grapple him to the ground and wrest control of the metal bar. They faced off against each other, each with both hands on the bar, teeth bared in snarls, staring at each other with faces only a hand-span apart. The thug lashed out with a fist, striking Yuki hard on the face. He tasted blood at the impact but ignored it. The man went back to trying to pull the bar from Yuki's grasp.

Yuki's eyes narrowed. He had just about had enough of this shit! He kicked out hard, striking the thug directly in the groin. He saw the man's eyes widen in shock, almost bulging. His mouth opened, yet not a sound emerged. Then his eyes rolled back in his head and he collapsed bonelessly to the ground.

Yuki heard a grunt behind him and spun around, to see Tohma bringing the bat down hard on the wrist of the knife wielding thug, who had been intending to stab Yuki in the back. Calmly, Tohma swung the bat again, kneecapping him and dropping him, groaning to the ground. He turned and called out a warning.

"Eiri!"

Yuki spun around, dropping to a crouch and heard the sharp report of a gunshot. The first thug, the leader, had risen to his feet, having somewhat recovered from Yuki's initial attack. Blood trickled from both his nose and down his chin where he must have bitten his tongue from the force of Yuki's strike. In his hands was a gun.

Yuki snarled and leapt towards him, staying low. The man was still dazed and couldn't focus quickly enough to redirect his aim at Yuki's charge. Yuki swung with the metal bar, sending the gun flying as the wrist holding it snapped from the impact. The man's high-pitched cry of pain was nothing to the scream that followed, as Yuki completed another sweeping strike hard against the shins, and there was an audible breaking of bone. The man collapsed like a tree felled, moaning and clutching his limbs.

Yuki got to his feet, breathing heavily. His heart was beating so loudly it pounded in his ears, as the adrenalin coursed through his veins. His vision had narrowed, nothing more than a dark tunnel focused on the figures of their assailants lying around them, some moving, some not. The glint of metal caught his eye.

The gun lay only a few feet from him. He walked over to it, picking it up. The weight in his hand felt almost familiar, although it had been many years since last he had held one. His hands almost caressed the metal, curving around the shape. He turned to look down at the men who had tried to accost them. He could still hear his own breathing, loud and harsh in the night air. Slowly, he walked towards the leader, moaning still and writhing on the ground.

"Eiri."

He heard Tohma's voice, but it didn't really register in his mind. His whole being was focussed on the man at his feet, the man who had tried to hurt him, the man who had tried to cause him pain.

He slowly brought the gun up, lining up down the barrel so it was pointed squarely at the man's forehead. The thug must have sensed his danger, for he was able to drag his mind from the pain of his broken limbs, and held up a hand in supplication, fear growing in his eyes.

"No, man! Please, don't! I'm sorry, honest to god, I'm sorry! Please don't kill me!"

Yuki's hard golden eyes glared down, his finger began to tighten on the trigger. The thug's voice rose higher in urgency; pleading, begging, trying to crawl away from the death that was creeping ever closer to him.

"No! No! No! Please don't, please don't…" his babbling litany continued.

"Eiri!"

A hand closed round Yuki's, pushing the gun downwards. Yuki swung his head around to glare to the person who had interrupted him, who had come between him and his prey.

Tohma looked back at him, his eyes unflinching from the cold look of death that was there. His hand remained firmly clamped over Yuki's on the gun, forcing the barrel to the ground.

"Eiri, it's over." He continued to look into Yuki's eyes.

Yuki almost launched himself at Tohma, wanting to shake him away, so he could turn back to his original prey, but the force of Tohma's grip and the look in his eyes, showed Yuki that he wasn't going to back down. They stood looking at each other for a moment longer, glare for glare, force to force. Finally, Yuki took a deep breath. His vision gradually widened, losing the tunnel vision of a predator. He looked down at the gun still in his hand, at Tohma's hand clasped over his.

"Better give that to me." Tohma said quietly, and removed it easily from Yuki's now slackened grip. "I think we might want to take this with us and go and see Ryo. I have a feeling we might have a bit of explaining to do." He looked around at the moaning, crawling bodies, then cocked his head to one side as the sound of sirens drew closer. "I think that is our cue to leave. Come on."

Yuki followed, as they quickly exited down another side street, making their way back to the subway.

On the train, Tohma called Ryo. "Sorry to bother you so late, Ryo," he said. "But we have a little problem."

"What's that?"

"We got into a bit of trouble just now, and have left a few….incapacitated persons in our wake. We didn't wait for the local police to arrive to try and explain the circumstances."

"How bad?"

"To be honest, I don't really know. A few broken bones certainly."

"Oh, boy! Look, where are you now?"

Tohma glanced up at the subway map, pin-pointed their location, and told Ryo.

"Head over to Dee's place. I'll meet you there later. I'll call him to let him know to expect you."

"Thank you." Tohma hung up.

Yuki glanced over at Tohma, noticing for the first time the blood trickling from the man's hairline. "What happened there?" he said gruffly, indicating the wound.

Tohma reached up a hand and gingerly touched the spot. Obviously it hurt. "I wasn't quite quick enough to duck." he said with a smile to Yuki. "And you?" he motioned to Yuki's face.

Reaching up a hand, Yuki could feel the sticky crustiness of drying blood on his chin and around his nose. "Same."

Tohma smiled then winced a little as the movement made the skin on his face pull at the cut. "Well, we both look a right pair, don't we? We'll be lucky if we don't get thrown off the train for looking like this!"

"Looking like this, they wouldn't dare."

"Perhaps you're right." Tohma glanced up at the subway map and motioned to Yuki. "This is our stop coming up." and stood as the train pulled into the station.

They made their way out of the station, thankful that there weren't a lot of people around to see their bruised, bloodied, and generally dishevelled appearance. Both Yuki and Tohma were familiar with how to get to Dee's apartment. Over the past couple of weeks, they had spent considerable time at both Ryo's and Dee's places.

Yuki had been a little surprised to find that Dee still had his own apartment. He had assumed, from the obvious relationship that the two men had, that Dee lived with Ryo, or vice versa. However, over the past week, he had come to realise that although the two of them had known and worked with each other for a number of years, their actual relationship was rather new. Ryo admitted that although Dee did still have his own place, he practically spent most of his time at Ryo's, including having most of his clothes there. To Yuki, it seemed then a little pointless for Dee to maintain his own apartment, but Dee had said that it gave them both another place to go; either together, or if they needed a bit of time to themselves. There was also still the issue of Ryo's charge, Bikky, to take into consideration, and they were taking it slowly there. Yuki was glad he and Shuichi didn't have kids around to worry about as well. Shuichi was enough of a child, and most of the time, more than Yuki could handle!

They knocked on the door of Dee's apartment, and it swung open almost immediately. Dee ran his eyes over them both from top to toe, eyebrows climbing higher as he took in the state they were in. He waved them inside.

"I know Ryo said that you'd got in some trouble, but, man, you two look like shit!"

"You should see the others." Yuki said dryly, to which Tohma couldn't help but chuckle then winced.

Dee just shook his head. "What the hell happened to you?"

"Some thugs tried to 'have some fun'." Yuki said, peeling out of his coat and kicking off his shoes.

"Look, why don't you go and have a shower. Then we can have a look at what damage has been done." Dee pulled a couple of towels out, tossing one to Yuki and the other to Tohma.

Yuki looked over at Tohma. "You can go first." he said. "I want a smoke."

"You could always join me." Tohma said with a smile, standing.

"In your dreams." snarled Yuki.

"Always, Eiri, always!" and with a laugh, Tohma disappeared into the bathroom.

Yuki looked down at his hands, resting on his knees. They weren't shaking. Why weren't they shaking? He was shaking inside. He knew he was. Shaking hard. It had nearly happened. He had nearly done it. He had been so close. If Tohma hadn't been there, he would have. He would have killed - again. His stomach heaved and his chest tightened. It had been like the last time. The rage, the blinding rage that took over every thought. The fierce violent desire to fight back, to never let anyone be able to touch him, to hurt him again. It was just like last time.

He would have done it. He would have pulled the trigger. Put a bullet in the man's head, splattering his brains across the pavement. He would have done it. Done it without a second's thought. He had **wanted** to do it! That thought alone made him feel sick.

He clenched his hands. Why was he like this again? He hadn't been for so long. He had almost forgotten how this felt, how he had felt back then. He had thought he had finally put these demons to rest, turned his back on the past, moved on to a better future. But it was still with him, still buried deep inside his heart. Only till now, it hadn't risen to the surface.

Shuichi! He cried out desperately in his mind. Where are you! Why aren't you here! He needed the boy's distracting presence, a presence that seemed to somehow calm him, even whilst it drove him crazy. He needed him to tell Yuki he was alright, that he wasn't a cold-hearted killer, that he was just a normal person. He needed Shuichi to tell him that he was worthy of being loved. Worthy of Shuichi's love.

Oh, how he needed Shuichi here with him! Somehow, he managed to always make the world seem brighter, as though life didn't dare to darken the boy's grand dream of how things should be. No matter what happened to him, Shuichi always came out smiling, somehow. Not always without a struggle, but he always came out of it. That is what Yuki clung to now. Shuichi was out there. Somewhere. He would be waiting for him. Just waiting for Yuki to find him. He **would** find him!

Yuki lit up his smoke and leant back, trying to relax.

"Drink?" Dee said, holding out a beer bottle.

"Thanks." Yuki said, taking it and immediately drinking.

"So where were you when this happened?"

Yuki told him and Dee frowned. "Man, how many times do we have to tell you, you moron! You can't just go wandering around those areas like that! You're going to get a knife stuck between your ribs one night, then where the fuck would you be!"

Yuki glared back at him. He knew that Dee was right, he knew that he was acting somewhat recklessly, but he was feeling so desperate. The time was slipping away, and they still seemed no closer to finding Shuichi. The hope he had been clinging to so hard was beginning to erode, fading with each passing day.

Tohma quickly rejoined them and Yuki took his turn in the shower, wincing as the warm water struck his bruised face. He gingerly scrubbed away the crusted blood. When he looked in the mirror after, the side of his face was already beginning to swell and darken. He grimaced at the sight. Great, now he really did look like a thug!

When he returned to the lounge room, he found Ryo there also. Ryo's eyes widened as he took in Yuki's ravaged visage.

"Well," he said, obviously at a loss for words, then he turned to Tohma. "Okay, we know where the incident was. I picked up the report on the police radio and checked it out. By the way, three of them are in hospital with multiple broken bones, and the other two were found unconscious. So all five have been apprehended. That is all there was?"

Tohma nodded. "Yes. At least all that we saw."

"Five of them?" Dee whistled, sounding impressed. "How did you two manage to take out that many?"

"They were rather disorganised and really weren't expecting any real resistance. That gave us the advantage." Tohma replied calmly.

"Still pretty damn good. Didn't think either of you were the violent type."

"Oh, we've both had our fair share of….difficulties." Tohma said, throwing a quick glance at Yuki.

"The only thing is, there was a report of a gun shot, and a slug was dug out of the wall nearby." Ryo continued.

"Ah, yes, then this is what you will require." Tohma unwrapped his coat to reveal the gun lying there. "It was they who fired the shot. However, Yuki picked up the gun after disarming the man, so you will find his fingerprints on it also. As well as mine."

Ryo looked at Tohma, obviously realising there was more than what he was saying, but he let it go.

"Okay then." Dee suddenly appeared at Tohma's elbow with a plastic snap-lock bag. "Drop it in there." he said. "Don't touch it any further with your hands."

Tohma lifted his coat and slid the gun from the material directly in to the bag. Dee snapped it shut and tossed it on the table. "We'll take it into the office tomorrow and sort things out."

"How are you both? Do you need to see a doctor?" Ryo asked, looking concerned.

"I believe we are both fine." Tohma answered. Yuki nodded agreement. "It's more just a few cuts and bruises. They'll heal."

"Then how about some coffee?"

"That would be greatly appreciated." Tohma said thankfully.

"Come on, Dee, I'll give you a hand."

The two detectives disappeared into the kitchen, leaving Yuki and Tohma. Yuki leant back, smoking. His body felt completely drained as though now the flood of adrenalin had gone it had taken all the rest of his energy as well. His face throbbed. He was going to have to take some painkillers tonight if he was gong to get any sleep at all.

"How are you feeling?" Tohma asked him.

"Like crap." he answered honestly. "You?"

"May I express the same sentiments?"

Yuki looked at his brother-in-law. "How's the head?"

Tohma reached out and rubbed gently at his temple. "The wound is shallow. If I keep it covered, I don't see it will be a problem. I do, however, have a headache of gigantic proportions."

"Huh."

Dee poured the hot water into the mugs, whilst Ryo grabbed the milk.

"They're two pretty cool customers." he said to his partner. "Not too many people would keep their nerve and be able to handle five thugs from that neighbourhood."

"I think there's a lot more to them both than meets the eye." Ryo replied, propping himself against the bench as he waited for Dee to finish.

"That Yuki is the one that worries me." Dee said.

"Why?" Ryo asked, looking at his partner.

"Look at his eyes." Dee said turning to face Ryo, face serious. "Those eyes have seen some pretty bad things. Both you and I know how to read that, but look closer. Those are the eyes of someone who's taken a life."

Ryo said nothing for a moment. "Think I'm exaggerating?" Dee questioned, sounding a little defensive.

"No." Ryo said firmly. "I think you could be right. However, killing can be done in self-defence, or other similar circumstances."

"True. I'm not saying he's a cold-blooded murderer, but let's just say I also wouldn't want to be caught in a dark alley with him on a bad day."

"Couldn't we all be like that, if the circumstances warranted it?" Ryo said quietly.

"What do you mean?"

"You remember how you felt when Mother was hurt?"

Dee's hands clenched for a moment. "What's that got to do with it?" he snarled.

"Calm down, Dee." Ryo said placating. "All I'm saying is that when any of us are really hurt, or someone we care about deeply is hurt, we could all potentially become killers. I nearly did once. I might have, if you hadn't come along."

Dee relaxed at Ryo's calm words. "Nah. You don't have it in you, no matter what." he said. "You're too nice. Me, on the other hand. If you hadn't turned up when you did, I would have plugged the frigging bastard!"

Ryo reached out a hand and rested it on Dee's cheek. "Don't be so sure about me." he said softly, looking into Dee's eyes. "There are some things I know I would most definitely kill for."

They looked at each other for a moment more, then Dee leant forward to brush a kiss lightly over Ryo's lips. "Come on, let's attend to our guests. The sooner we sort them out, then the sooner we can get rid of them. I have plans for tonight." Dee's eyes twinkled with mischief.

A broad smile spread across Ryo's face. "Oh, really? Should I leave you in peace then.?"

"Do so, and I'll hunt you down." Dee growled.

Ryo laughed as he picked up two cups and walked back to the lounge room, followed by Dee.


	13. Chapter 13

Title: The Key to My Heart: Chapter 13

Author: JadeHeart

Located/Archived: Found on & If anyone else would like it, please ask me first

Fandom: Gravitation (some FAKE)

Rating: M

Warnings: angst, bad language

**Disclaimer: **I do not own the characters in this, except that of Agent Jim Harris who is my original character. All other main characters belong to the creators of 'Gravitation' and 'FAKE', and I am not making any profits from this story.

Chapter 13

"I hate to have left you in the lurch like this again." Jim said.

"You can hardly blame yourself, Jim, for having to go back to work." Tohma said holding the phone to his ear. "You've done more than enough for us. Besides, we've still got Ryo and Dee assisting us."

"Huh!" Jim snorted. "I'm not sure you should be thanking me for leaving you to the tender mercies of those two idiots!"

Tohma chuckled. "You know that's not true. Honestly, they are pretty good, aren't they?"

There was silence for a moment, and then Tohma heard Jim sigh. "Yeah, they're good. If you're going to get anywhere at all, they'll be able to make it happen. Just don't tell 'em I said that!"

"My lips are sealed." Tohma said with mock seriousness.

"Huh! Look, keep in touch, Tohma. I mean it. I want to know everything that's going on, okay?"

"I will."

"All right then." Another sigh. "I had better get back to things here before my boss thinks I'm on a permanent vacation. Say hello to Yuki for me."

"Sure. And, Jim?"

"Yeah?"

"Consider your IOU paid in full - with interest. Now I owe you."

"You know that's not true, Tohma."

"I mean it. You don't owe me anything, but if you ever need my help, let me know. Do we have a deal?"

"Okay, deal. Talk to you later. Good luck."

Tohma hung up the phone and sat staring at it for moment. He missed Jim's company, his easy-going nature. Tohma had enjoyed having someone around who knew him quite well. Even better in many ways than Yuki did. He sighed and stood to join his brother-in-law downstairs for dinner.

"Shit!" Yuki swore vehemently under his breath. Just his luck that someone actually recognized him, actually knew who he was. Damn it! He seethed and turned sharply away.

Fucking pathetic chattering monkeys! he fumed, trying to push past the ever increasing crowd.

He knew it had been a mistake coming into the centre of the city, but Tohma had thought it would do them both good to have some time to themselves this day. To get away from the constant drive, the seedy streets they walked, get out to where the ordinary people were. Have a day just for themselves to try and clear the mind and start afresh, but they had made a mistake by walking into a 'Barnes and Nobel' store. Unfortunately, it also happened to be one where Yuki's latest book was still being promoted, and the current manager was a keen fan. She had recognized him immediately with a small scream and wide eyes. It was an expression Yuki had seen many times before, and knew exactly what it meant. He was trapped. It was too late now to avoid the gathering crowd as all eyes in the store focused on him, and the females present closed in.

Damn, damn, damn! He cursed, knowing he couldn't escape. He could feel his tension rising, knew his anger was building, and he would soon lose his temper if the people crowding him didn't **leave him alone**! His hands clenched into fists at his side, his sunglasses hiding his icy glare.

Suddenly Tohma was at his side, a gentle hand resting lightly on his arm, calming him. He cast a swift glance towards him, at the pleasantly smiling face, the cheerfulness, the calm politeness that fooled everyone. Everyone, except Yuki. He could see that Tohma was angry also, but his calm surface veneer showed nothing of his inner thoughts. Tohma could hide a multitude of sins behind that seemingly innocent smile.

"Thank you, thank you all. You are too kind." Tohma said to the people around them.

"Are you going to do a book signing, Mr. Yuki?" someone called.

"Are you? Are you?" the clamouring crowd wanted to know.

Yuki gritted his teeth. If he didn't get out of here soon he was going to snap, and these fans would suffer the brunt of it all!

Tohma suddenly turned to the almost swooning store manager. "If you wouldn't mind, I would like us to have somewhere private to discuss the possibility of just such a thing."

The flush on the Store Manger's face deepened with pleasure. "O...of course! Come this way!"

As they tried to move away from the human crush, the voices called out, rising in pitch with excitement.

"So is there going to be a book signing?"

"When?"

"Where's it going to be?"

"Please tell us!" The din was becoming unbearable in the small space.

Tohma held up a hand for silence and surprisingly got it. It always amazed Yuki just how he could do that. He seemed such an unimposing man, yet people would fall at his feet to do his every bidding. Yuki was envious of this knack in his brother-in-law.

"Please, details have not been worked out yet, but it will be released in the press as soon as they are. Thank you for your patience." and he turned from the crowd back to the manager. "If you don't mind now, shall we discuss a few matters?"

"This way, please! Come this way!" Tohma followed, with a reluctant Yuki trailing.

"Firstly," Tohma began, taking a seat. "We have no intention of making this a large formal event. Eiri is here more on private business at the moment, but he would be glad to conduct a small signing session tomorrow. What publicity you intend to undertake is up to you, but we do not want it on the national news or the like. We would like this to remain a more personal interaction with Eiri's readers."

"Oh, we can do that. One day doesn't give us a lot of time, but there will be plenty of people out there now who will help pass the word around this area!" The manager gazed adoringly at the silent Yuki. "You have no idea how honoured I am you chose to conduct this in my store! I'm such a big fan of yours! I'm so glad your books have been translated, and I never thought I would ever have the chance of meeting you in person!"

Tohma stood. "Very well then. Shall we say about 11am tomorrow then? To allow for people on their lunch breaks to also attend if they wish to?"

"Oh, that is so considerate of you! I'm sorry, but are you Mr. Yuki's manager?"

Tohma smiled, whilst Yuki snorted. "No, I'm actually his brother-in-law. My name is Tohma Seguchi. I'm pleased to meet you." He gave a small formal bow.

"Oh, oh!" The manager was flustered at the formality, before awkwardly trying to return the gesture. "I'm pleased to meet you also. Yes, we'll see you tomorrow at 11am."

"Very good. Now, if we can trouble you for one more thing?"

"Yes?"

"Could you direct us to a back door?"

As they excited into the alley, Yuki grabbed Tohma by the coat and nearly threw him against the wall.

"Oof!" Tohma grunted as the air was pushed from his lungs at the impact.

Yuki's hand curled around one shoulder, gripping hard, forcing Tohma back against the brickwork. Tohma could feel the indentation and imperfections digging into his flesh as he was pinned there.

Yuki glared at him, his golden eyes peering over the top of his sunglasses, piercing Tohma like a pin in a mounted butterfly. "Just what the fuck do you think you are doing!" he snarled, fingers curling into Tohma's shoulder, digging into tendons.

Tohma winced at the pressure. "Eiri," he tried to calm Yuki down. "We weren't going to get out of there without something being done. If we had just tried to walk away, it would have been all over the news that you were here, and speculation would have begun. It's been difficult enough to keep this under wraps as it is. This way we keep the media contact minimal and local, and we have a plausible reason for you being here that matches with the story your publishers have already put out back home."

Yuki's grip eased a little. "My publishers?"

"Yes," Tohma replied. "I spoke with them while we were in Washington, and they agreed to cover for your absence."

"Just what else have you fucking organised without my knowledge?" Yuki growled, leaning in closer, fingers digging hard back in.

Tohma looked Yuki directly in the eyes, his gaze just as hard as Yuki's. "Everything that needed to be." he said flatly, daring Yuki to argue further.

Yuki held his gaze, glaring, waiting for Tohma to drop his eyes. He didn't. He maintained his gaze, looking into Yuki's cold eyes, not flinching. Tohma was one of the few people who wouldn't drop their gaze when Yuki was like this.

"Everything, huh?" Yuki said, finally backing away and releasing Tohma.

Tohma reached up to gently massage his abused shoulder. "Whatever I could do at the time."

"Huh!" Yuki lit a cigarette. He inhaled deeply then watched the smoke drift away as he exhaled. "So, we've got to come back to this dump tomorrow?"

"That's right. You can start at 11am and finish when you decide. It's not like you have a set contract for this event."

"Hmm," Yuki stood in silence for a moment longer. "Guess we had better get back then." and he moved off down the alley.

Tohma pushed him self away from the wall, straightening his coat, before bending down to retrieve his hat that had fallen during the scuffle. He brushed it off and settled it firmly on his head then followed Yuki.

"So, Mr. Yuki, this is a small event for you. Are you looking at perhaps doing a much larger and longer book tour soon?" The reporter leant forward, pen poised over the notebook.

"Yes, it might be possible."

"I understand you are over here also on personal business? This is with your partner, Shuichi Shindou, is that right?"

Yuki had to clamp down hard on his emotions. Tohma had warned him to expect some questions about Shuichi. Even over here, they had heard that he and Shuichi were together.

"Yes, Shuichi is over here also." It wasn't a lie.

"How are you enjoying your stay so far?"

"It's been….tiring." Again, no lie.

"So you've been very busy, have you?"

"Yes, extremely. There's been a great deal to do." Only too true.

"How long do you intend to stay here in America?"

"That depends entirely on Shuichi." Again, no lie at all. Just honest, blunt truth. Where the hell was Shuichi!

"Well, we hope you continue to have a wonderful time here!"

"Thank you." Yuki gritted his teeth and managed to make it look like a smile.

The reporter then swung towards Tohma, standing quietly to one side. "Ah, Mr. Seguchi, our sources have told us that you are the president of the company, N-G Records, which is actually the label that produces 'Bad Luck', the band Shuichi Shindou is lead singer for."

Tohma smiled pleasantly. "Well, I must say you have been well informed."

"So what brings you over here?"

"I just thought to accompany my brother-in-law on a portion of his trip."

"Oh, come on, Mr. Seguchi! You are hardly the type of businessman to come over here just for a brief holiday!"

This reporter was being far too inquisitive, and was far too perceptive. Not perceptive enough to see the tightening around Tohma's eyes and mouth, however - a sure sign of his growing irritation.

"I see it would be pointless to deny it then." he said with his false smile.

Yuki froze. Was Tohma about to tell them everything? Tell them about Shuichi? He didn't want these vultures finding out that Shuichi was missing, that he had been hurt! He didn't want them dragging every little thing about Shuichi through the public forum, circling like carrion eaters around a corpse! He would not have that happen to Shuichi! His fists clenched as he made ready to throw himself at Tohma to shut him up.

"You are quite right. This is not just a holiday, though it gave me a good opportunity to take a short break from my work and spend some time with Eiri. Family is always important."

"Yes, that's right. You are married to Mr. Yuki's sister, right?"

"Correct."

"Is she here with you also?"

Unfortunately, no. She was unable to make this trip, so I alone accompanied Eiri."

"So, what's your other reason?"

"Well, I am making a few assessments whilst I am here as to the further promotion of bands from Japan."

"And this would include 'Bad Luck'?"

"Of course. Among others."

"So, Shuichi Shindou is also checking things out whilst he is over here?"

"I'm sure he would have only the best interests of his band in mind."

"So when might the American public get to see 'Bad Luck' live?"

"It is far too premature for that at present."

"Japan has another wonderful export here in the US, Ryuichi Sakuma."

"Yes, that is right. Ryuichi has done very well here, and the American music world has welcomed him."

"You also were a part of the same band, Nittle Grasper, as Mr. Sakuma."

"Yes, I was."

"Are you planning on rejoining Ryuichi while you are here and playing with him?"

"Not at all. Ryuichi and I conduct different business now. We only maintain contact on a social basis."

"I'm sorry, but that's all the time we have now." The store manager appeared then, making shooing motions to the reporter. "There are a lot of fans still waiting and we can't take up all of Mr. Yuki's valuable time." With a few more grumbles, and a couple more flashes of a camera, the reporter and photographer moved away, allowing the crush of female bodies to swarm forward.

"For fucks sake!" Yuki muttered under his breath. "I'm going to fucking kill you for this!" he snarled at Tohma, before spreading a fake smile on his face and reaching for his pen.

"I'M HOME!"

The call resounded through the apartment, almost deafening all those gathered there.

"SHUT UP, YOU SIMIAN BRAT!" Dee roared back, just as loudly.

Ryo just looked pained at all the noise, and turned to his guests. "Sorry about this." he said, a little embarrassed.

Tohma waved his apology aside. "It's quite alright." he said, watching with veiled amusement as Dee threw a cushion at Bikky, catching the boy on the back of the head, and then having to duck as a shoe came sailing back towards him.

"THAT IS ENOUGH!" Ryo suddenly shouted, abruptly standing.

Everything stopped as the tableau froze. Even Tohma and Yuki looked quite surprised. This was the first time they had ever seen the mild mannered Ryo lose his temper.

Ryo scowled at Dee and Bikky. "You…will….both …sit…down….NOW!" he dragged the words out, pinning them with his glare. Suitably chastised, they both slunk to their seats. Yuki almost laughed at the mirrored pouts on their faces. "Now," Ryo said in a far more normal voice and turning to the front door, "Won't you come in and join us, Carol?"

Yuki turned to see the young adolescent girl standing there. She smiled brightly and entered, coming straight to Ryo to give him a hug and quick peck on the cheek.

"Hi, Ryo!" She peered around Ryo to the look at the two huddled on the couch. "Hi, Dee!"

"Humph!" was the only response she received. She grinned impishly and stuck her tongue out at him. Dee growled, but was silenced by a look from Ryo.

"Now, let's begin this evening again in a more civilized manner, shall we?" Ryo said, being a gentleman and assisting Carol to a seat, before taking one himself.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah." groused Dee.

"So what have you found, Bikky?" Ryo asked, picking up his steaming coffee mug.

"Just like you, I couldn't find out much more in the 'hood. No one seemed to have seen anyone out of the ordinary, no new faces in the old hang outs. Old Man Cutter reckons he did notice a kid that looked a bit like your man, talking to Crazy Chan a while back though."

"Who's Crazy Chan?" Yuki wanted to know.

"He's one of the gang leaders in the area. He's not too bad. No worse than most anyways." Bikky explained, swinging his legs.

"Is it worth speaking to him?" Ryo asked.

"Nah! You wouldn't get anything out of him. He hates the cops."

"Well, then it looks like Shu didn't stick around that neighbourhood. We weren't able to find out much more either." Dee put in.

Bikky shrugged, leaning back with hands clasped behind his head. "Not from what I can find out. He would have been spotted by now if he had."

"So scratch that trail."

"But we did come up with another idea." Carol suddenly spoke up.

"We?" Dee questioned.

"Yes, we!" Carol poked her tongue out again at him.

"Stick it out again, and I'll cut it off!" Dee growled.

"Nyay, nyay!" was Carol's response.

Ryo rolled his eyes, and heaved a long-suffering sigh. "Can we get back to the business at hand? Please?" he asked pleadingly.

"Sorry, Ryo," Carol apologized, leaning against Ryo's side. He smiled crookedly down at her. He really was a sucker for kids, Yuki thought.

"Anyhow," Bikky was saying. "We thought we could probably get you a bit of inside help with Chinatown."

"How?"

"You know Lai and Lass?"

"Your two friends?"

"Yep. Well, Lai's Chinese, and he actually comes from a pretty well-to-do family. His brother is the president of the Spencer Corporation. Their Head Office is in Manhattan."

"The Spencer Corporation is a financial backer for many of the largest music production companies here in New York." Tohma put in quietly, lifting his coffee to sip. "I have had some prior dealings with them though it has been more from a distance and through a third party, than direct."

"I've heard of it, too. They're really big time stuff here! You never told us this before!" Dee said, directing the last to Bikky.

"Why should I?" Bikky replied, shrugging his shoulders. "It's none of your business!"

"Why, you…."

"Dee," Ryo said warningly, and Dee subsided. "Would they be willing to help us?" Ryo asked Bikky.

"Sure!" Carol said brightly in answer. "We've already asked, and they said that if we want to meet up with them tomorrow and give them some more information, they'll see what they can find out."

"Well, that's really good news! Thanks, you two!" Ryo said, smiling at Bikky and Carol. The kids beamed back at him, basking under his praise.

Yuki just shook his head. Ryo seemed to be able to charm anyone. Look at how he had Dee whipped!

"What time did you organize to meet with them?" Dee asked.

"We said about 4pm. I wasn't sure what shift you were on." Bikky said.

"We can do that." Ryo said. He turned to Tohma and Yuki. "How about we pick the two of you up about 3pm?"

"We don't want you to put yourself out." Tohma said.

"Not a problem. It will be easier if we all go together." He turned to Bikky and Carol. "You two stay at school and we'll meet you there, okay?"

"Sure."

"So, what do you all feel like for dinner? How about some pasta?"

"Yeah!" was the chorus, from more than just the kids.

Ryo looked over at Tohma and Yuki with a smile. "Sorry for the noise." He said indicting the mock fight that had already begun between Dee and Bikky, with Carol acting somewhere between a cheerleader and a referee. Though for whom she was cheering was a little unclear. "I'm afraid this is rather normal!"

Yuki just scowled at the noisy jumble of bodies in the corner, wincing as the voices rose higher. He felt a headache coming on. Tohma also looked at the writhing howling mass, an expression of distracted curiosity on his face. "It is rather…..different." he finally said.

Ryo's smile grew broader. "You don't have to be polite, you know." he winced himself at a particularly loud shout as Dee pursued Bikky into his bedroom, with Carol clinging to his back. Ryo let out a sigh as the door slammed behind the three and a welcome peace settled briefly over the room. "I know they're all a bit much to take at times, but if they weren't acting like this I'd know there was something wrong!"

Tohma reached for his coffee. "It's quite all right, Ryo. Eiri and I don't mind."

"Only because you don't have to be here all the time!"

"Got that straight!" Yuki growled around his cigarette.

Ryo just laughed as he got to his feet. "Make yourself at home. Dinner won't be long."

Just then the bedroom door burst open once more and a seething mass of human limbs surged back out into the living room and began to circle the circumference, before collapsing in a heap on the lounge, arm and legs everywhere.

Yuki reached up and pressed his fingers against his temples. Gods, he had a headache!

Ryo pulled up outside the school where Bikky, Carol and two other juveniles were gathered. They wandered over to the car as the adults got out.

"Hi, Ryo!" Carol called out, waving.

Ryo waved back with a smile as they crossed the street, Tohma and Yuki followed behind.

"You know Ryo and Dee," Bikky said, speaking to the Asian boy at his side. "These two are the ones looking for the dude I told you about."

The boy looked Yuki and Tohma up and down, his face inscrutable. Yuki studied the teenagers before him.

Tohma smiled and held out his hand. "I'm Tohma Seguchi. This is Eiri Yuki. And you are?"

The boy clasped his hand in a firm grip "Lai. Lai Spencer. This here is Lass." indicating the girl standing quietly a little behind him.

"Thank you for offering to help us." Tohma said.

"No problem." The boy shrugged. "Don't know if we'll be of much help, but should be able to at least make a few inquiries for you."

"That's good enough."

"How about we head over to that ice-cream parlour on the corner? I'll treat you kids this once." Ryo said.

"Woo hoo!" Bikky shouted with his usual exuberance, whilst Carol let out a little squeal and clapped her hands in delight. They each grabbed one of Ryo's hands and began dragging him, laughing, down the street.

"He's way too soft on them." Dee said, shaking his head. "Come on you two." he directed to Lai and Lass, who were looking after the trio disappearing down the street. "We'd better catch up before they scoff the lot!" and he followed after with the other two adolescents trailing.

Tohma looked over at Yuki. "I guess we may as well join them." he said with a smile, stepping out to follow.

"I hate ice-cream." Yuki muttered, and slouched along in their wake. Dealing with four teenagers was more than he was feeling capable of doing so at the moment. Especially having to try and be polite. He couldn't piss them off if he wanted their help.

They had all managed to crowd into one booth. The four teenagers sat on one side, Ryo and Dee on the other, whilst Yuki and Tohma had pulled up chairs to sit at the end. Their orders of ice-cream had arrived and currently held down the corners of a map.

"We've been asking questions through Chinatown for a few weeks now. Drake got in touch with one of his buddies in the 18th precinct, Chinatown falls under their jurisdiction, to see if he had heard anything through his contacts, but there's been nothing so far" Dee said, taking a scoop of ice-cream to his mouth.

"We've had no luck at the hospitals and doctors' surgeries in the area. That was one of the first things we did, getting in touch and providing them with a photo ID to ensure that they notified us of anyone that remotely looked like Shuichi. It should have been made a lot easier as we know what type of injuries he has from the medical report. However, there's been nothing reported, not a word." Ryo was saying, pointing at various points on the map.

"We had two sightings reported from local pharmacies a week ago, of someone matching Shuichi's description buying up gauze, cream, bandages and pain killers. As the pharmacists could see that the kid obviously needed it for himself, they didn't think too much of it. Most of them don't want to get too involved. That was in this area." and Ryo marked a red circle on the map spread on the table between them. "We haven't got anything since."

"The thing is that he must be getting medical help from somewhere. He would still need help with dressing the wounds, and he would have to be in some pain from it all. There's also the risk of infection as well, so he would have be getting check ups." Dee put in.

"That's not really a problem, you know." Lai put in. "There's plenty of medical help in Chinatown, just not the official sort."

"Meaning?"

"Chinese medicine. There are plenty of practitioners down there, and not one of them would be found on any medical registry, but they'll all have full patient listings. If he needed help he could easily go to one of them, and they don't bother keeping patient files or filling out forms and stuff."

"What about painkillers and things like that? That sort of medicine has to be by prescription most of the time, and marked off through the pharmacy outlets for distribution."

"They handle all of that sort of thing too. It's all traditional medicine, most are herbalists, so they could whip him up anything he needed. Because it's all natural ingredients it's not like there's any sort of drug listing they have to keep. He really wouldn't have to go any where else."

Dee looked skeptical. "You saying you believe all that stuff about yin and yang, spirits and crap?"

Lai fixed him with a glare. "Just because your mind's too closed to appreciate anything else, doesn't mean it's not real!"

"I think it is a very valid supposition." Tohma interjected. "The use of traditional medicines is not unusual for us, nor for Shuichi."

"Huh!" was Dee's only response.

"So, I guess he really could be getting all the medical help he needs and wouldn't need to go to a hospital at all." Ryo said, stirring his sundae. He took a spoonful of ice-cream. "That's not going to make it any easier to find him at all."

"Look, I can ask some questions. Most of the practitioners talk to each other in the place, so even though one may not know this guy, they can ask the others. If he's there and needing medical help, one of them is bound to have met him." Lai replied.

"They won't mind talking to you?"

Lai shrugged, picking up a wafer and biting into it. "I don't think so. Can't hurt to try though."

"We appreciate it."

"Hey, anytime. Do you mind if I take a couple of copies of this photo?" he indicated the photo of Shuichi that was lying on the table top.

"Not at all." Ryo said. "I'll give a few copies to Bikky to give to you tomorrow."

"Is he really a famous singer in a band?" Lass asked with wide eyes, looking down at the photo.

"Actually, yes." Tohma replied with a smile to her. "They are very big in Japan. That's why he was coming over here. To promote the band and look at doing a tour."

"Wow! That's awesome! He's so cute!"

Yuki scowled at her.

"What?" she said, looking at him with confusion.

"Oh, don't worry about Mr. Grumpy there!" Carol said, draping an arm around Lass's shoulders and giving her a supportive hug. "He's just jealous because you think his boyfriend's cute!"

Lass's eyes widened as she stared at Yuki's handsome face. "Boyfriend?" she squeaked, glancing back down at the photo of Shuichi's smiling face. She raised her eyes back to Yuki's dark countenance. Suddenly, her eyes sparkled even more brilliantly. She clasped her hands together, as she looked endearingly at Yuki. "Wow! You two make such a gorgeous couple!"

Yuki jerked back in surprise. That was the last thing he had been expecting to hear!

"Yeah, I think so too." Carol was saying, head leaning close to Lass's. "They'd look even better if **that** one," meaning Yuki, "Actually smiled once in a while!"

"Oh, I'm sure he smiles for his guy!" Lass said with conviction. "Don't you? You do, don't you?" she directed to Yuki.

"Uh…." Yuki was at a loss for words at this sudden outpouring of feminine support for his relationship with Shuichi. Bikky and Lai just looked pained and rolled their eyes over the top of the girl's heads, slouching back with a sigh.

"Don't mind them." Bikky said to Yuki with a long-suffering air. "Girls are silly like this. They go all ga-ga over any guy they think is good-looking."

"Yeah, well, you would hardly know about that, would you!" Carol said, turning and pulling Bikky's ear.

"Hey!" he responded, grabbing the abused portion of his anatomy.

"I don't know what all the fuss is about." Lai put in calmly. "I don't think he's **that** great looking."

"You have no taste, that's why!" Lass said, turning to him and dishing out the same punishment that Carol had to Bikky, with exactly the same response.

"Will you brats settled down!" Dee snapped, glaring at them. "Stop making a spectacle of yourselves in public!"

All four teenagers glared back at him, and he crumbled beneath the onslaught. "Not fair when they gang up on me!" Dee grumbled, slouching in the seat. Ryo just smiled.

"So, if he's so big, how come no-one's noticed him over here yet?" Bikky wanted to know, getting the conversation back on track.

Lai looked at him with scorn. "Why should they? Do you expect a famous pop star to be doing dishes in your back room?"

"Huh?" Bikky looked confused.

Lai sighed. "Look, my people are pretty private, and we respect others privacy. Why would anyone think that the boy doing their deliveries, or walking into their small family shop, would be some big name star? It's not like he's gonna be all dressed up like some pop star with an entourage following him around. He's probably not even gong to be acting in any way like a pop star because he doesn't remember he was one! I mean, come on! Would you expect your favourite singer to just suddenly turn up in your apartment?"

"Guess not." Carol said, thinking.

Lai shrugged. "See? Most people wouldn't recognize him at all. Even if they thought he looked familiar or a bit like the lead singer of a band, they would just pass it off as coincidence, and they certainly wouldn't try and pry any further. So it doesn't surprise me that no-one's noticed him. After all, it's not like his band's really big over here, so it's only going to be a few, even in the Asian community, that might be following them here."

"Makes a lot of sense," Ryo said. "But it doesn't make our job any easier in trying to find him."

"Well, we can start making some inquires. I'll ask Law to check things out as well."

"Law?"

"He's my older brother."

"The one who runs your family's company?"

"That's the one."

"Isn't he a little busy to be bothered by this?" Ryo asked.

"Nah. He'll enjoy the change. Besides, he may move in different circles, but he still has the contacts. So he might find out something."

"If he's willing to help, we won't say no. We could really use a break about now."

Lai stood, holding out a helping hand to Lass. "Look, I'll let Bikky know if we turn up anything, okay?"

"Sure. Thanks you two." Ryo said with a smile.

"Thanks for the ice cream, Ryo." Lass said, placing a soft peck on Ryo's cheek. She turned to Yuki. "Hope you find your guy!" and startled him by placing a soft kiss on his cheek. He couldn't help the blush that coloured his cheeks at the unexpected gesture. Lai just rolled his eyes again.

"Bye!" they called out and the two of them left.

Ryo folded up the map and slipped it into his coat pocket. "Well, let's see where that takes us now." he said. He looked at his watch. "Come on, Carol. I need to get you home. Bikky, haven't you got homework?"

Bikky groaned, but refrained from saying anything at Ryo's glare. "Let's go. Staying for dinner, Dee?" he asked.

"What are you having?"

"Thought I'd do a Caesar salad."

"Not rabbit food again!" Dee complained.

"You don't have to eat it." Ryo said with steel in his voice.

Dee sighed. "Alright. I'll come."

"Don't force yourself!"

Dee grumbled and followed Carol and Bikky outside.

Ryo then turned to Tohma and Yuki, who had been silent through most of the discussion.

"What's on your minds?" he asked, leaning on the back of a chair, guessing there were things they wanted to say.

Tohma looked up at him. "Do you really think we're getting any closer by doing this? Enlisting the help of these children?" he asked bluntly.

Ryo thought for a moment before answering. "Honestly? I have a feeling that we are. There have been two sightings that I think we can pretty much say are confirmed. So we know he's in the vicinity at least. If we can get a couple of more leads and narrow that area down, we'll really be on to something. With Lai's help, things could start to move a lot quicker. They may be children but don't underestimate their usefulness. They can go a lot of places we can't, and adults can sometimes speak a lot more freely to children than they would to another adult. I think it's the right choice."

"Is that the truth, or are you just spinning us some bullshit?" Yuki snarled, itching for a cigarette which he had had to forgo whilst they were seated in this place. He craved the nicotine at the moment.

Ryo looked him dead in the eyes. "It's no bullshit." he said seriously. "My gut instinct is telling us we're going to find something soon, and I for one, believe my gut instinct. It's kept me alive this long on the Force."

Yuki just looked at Ryo for a moment more, then nodded his head. "Okay. Guess we just keep looking."

"That's all any of us can do. Dee and I will continue to make our inquiries, see if anything else comes through the official channels, and we'll let you know as soon as we get anything. It's still worthwhile you both checking out Chinatown. The more visible you are word might filter back to Shu, wherever he is, and it might make him come look for you. Lai and Bikky will keep following up around the area as well."

"Hey, Ryo! Will you get a move on!" Dee's voice drifted into them.

Ryo flashed a smile at the call. "We'd better move and get the troops back home!" he said, standing. "Want to stay for dinner?"

"No, thank you." Tohma declined for them both.

"Then I'll drop you off first. You going to call Jim?"

"Yes. He asked to be kept informed each day. Not that we've really had much to tell him, but I promised I would do so."

"Bet he bit your head off after hearing about your little tussle the other week." Ryo was referring to the attack on them both.

"Well...," Tohma rubbed his chin a little self consciously. "I didn't exactly tell him about that."

Ryo looked at him, and then began to laugh. "Oh, that is just too rich for words! You lied!"

"No. I just failed to mention it."

"He's gonna kill you when he finds out!"

"Then we'll just have to make certain he doesn't, won't we?" Tohma said pointedly.

Ryo held both hands up in surrender. "I promise it won't come from me," he said. "But you had better be ready to duck for cover if he ever does find out!"

"Hhmm. I think you might be right on that."

"Ryo!" a chorus of shouts rang out.

"Come on!" Ryo said, leading them out. "The ravenous hordes await!"

As he walked past Yuki, he dropped a hand onto his shoulder and squeezed gently. Yuki looked up into Ryo's face, noting the gentle comforting expression he wore. "Just keep holding on. You have to believe that we are getting closer. We will get there eventually."

"Yeah." Yuki replied. Another quick squeeze on his shoulder, and then Ryo left them.

"Can you believe them?" Tohma asked Yuki, looking at his friend.

Yuki stood and automatically reached for his cigarettes as he made his way to the exit. "Don't have any choice, do I?" he replied, walking out.

"No," Tohma said quietly to himself, before he finally moved to follow Yuki. "No, I'm afraid you don't."


	14. Chapter 14

Title: The Key to My Heart: Chapter 14

Author: JadeHeart

Located/Archived: Found on & If anyone else would like it, please ask me first

Fandom: Gravitation (some FAKE)

Rating: M

Warnings: angst, bad language

**Disclaimer: **I do not own the characters in this, except that of Agent Jim Harris who is my original character. All other main characters belong to the creators of 'Gravitation' and 'FAKE', and I am not making any profits from this story.

Chapter 14

Yuki sat at the bar, swirling the ice cubes around in his glass, watching them spin in tiny circles. After one more twirl, he picked it up and drank the last of the liquid. He was tempted to order another, but decided that it wouldn't be a good idea. He knew he was drinking more than he normally would, foregoing his usual beer in favour of the heavier spirits. Not a good sign. Spirits were only for bad times. Fuck it! Guess this is a bad time then! He raised his hand to signal the bartender for a replacement.

"Sure that is a good idea?" a voice said quietly at his elbow.

He turned his head slowly. Tohma was perched on the stool next to him, chin resting on hands, elbows placed on the bar. He looked at Yuki with those calm eyes, and small smile. Yuki growled, foregoing to answer. Tohma just gave a small shrug and raised a finger to the bartender. A double scotch was placed before Yuki, whilst something else was put in front of Tohma. Yuki took a long swallow from his glass whilst Tohma sipped his more elegantly.

"So what are you having?" Yuki asked, motioning to Tohma's drink.

"Rum." Tohma replied.

Yuki raised an eyebrow. It wasn't Tohma's usual preference in alcoholic beverages. "Straight?"

"And double."

Yuki was more surprised. He couldn't remember the last time he had seen Tohma drink rum. "What's the occasion?"

Tohma just shrugged, "No occasion."

They drank in silence for a time then Yuki asked suddenly. "How come they knew what drink you wanted?"

"Oh, I've been here a few times."

That was news to Yuki. He hadn't realized that Tohma had spent any great amount of time here. He had, of course, sat in the bar with Yuki most evenings for a time, but then Yuki hadn't seen him drink rum. So that could only mean that Tohma had been here in the bar on his own, without Yuki.

So just when did he do that, Yuki wondered. Tohma was with him during the day, sometimes he felt like they were glued at the hip, which drove him nearly mad. Then he was almost used to that where Tohma was concerned. They would come back to the hotel either having dinner and a drink before retiring, or heading out for the night on their search, before returning and going to bed. So just when did Tohma manage to come here to the bar enough times that the bar staff knew exactly what drink he wanted, without him having to say anything?

Yuki looked at Tohma from the corner of his eye. Tohma always managed to look perfect; his clothes, hair, style, everything. He rarely looked anything but his best. However, now Yuki was looking closely, he could see that there was a darkness shadowing Tohma's eyes, small lines creasing the usually smooth brow.

He wasn't sleeping, Yuki thought to himself a little surprised. He knew that Tohma was a bit of an insomniac. It was something that Mika had often complained about, the fact that Tohma would often stay at NG all night, and the next morning not even show any sign of being the worse for wear. Yuki had never quite figured out if she was upset that Tohma hadn't come home to her at those times because she missed him, or she was jealous of just how good her husband could still look the next day after pulling an all-nighter! That was Mika for you!

However, Tohma wasn't like that all the time and Yuki hadn't noticed anything during this time away with his brother-in-law, but then again, if he was asleep he wouldn't know if Tohma left the room. That was the only explanation. Tohma was waiting until Yuki was asleep and coming here to the bar, and he must have been doing it regularly enough for the staff to know his needs. Yuki took another drink. When he got his hands on Shuichi, the brat had a lot to answer for!

Bikky stood outside the store on the pavement, looking down the street. It wasn't the best part of the neighbourhood, but it also wasn't the worst. As long as they took a bit of care and watched themselves, they shouldn't run into any trouble. It was still bright daylight, so the low-lifes of the night hadn't emerged yet. The boy had no intention of being around here when they did. Lai soon emerged and joined him.

"They're positive it was him." Lai said, pushing the crinkled photo of Shuichi back into his jean's pocket.

"You sure?" Bikky couldn't believe their luck.

"Yep." Lai pointed down the street. "They said he left here and turned down that street. With what he was carrying, they didn't think he was going far."

"Let's go!" Bikky set off at a run, Lai at his heels.

They reached the corner and looked around them. There was only one apartment block there, then a set of shops, some still operating, others closed and boarded up, before further apartment blocks continued on. A group of youths were playing basketball in the middle of the street in front of them, the ball flying between the two teams.

Bikky and Lai looked at each other, broad gins on their faces. Perfect!

They immediately ran towards the group and it didn't take too many insults or dares before they had possession of the ball to prove their worth. Whatever else the two boys may have been, give them a basketball and they were magic on two feet. They really worked well as a team and soon had the upper hand in the competition. The local youths could only watch in surprise and admiration, and not a little chagrin at having obviously been conned so well. Bikky and Lai finally clinched the game with a final basket, narrowly beating the home team.

Fortunately, the youths could appreciate the show of talent and so weren't too upset at a couple of strays beating them on their own turf. Bikky knew only too well how protective in their own neighbourhood gangs could be, whether it was over basketball, drugs or anything else. Luckily for them, this group was willing to accept the two of them on an equal footing, so it was soon easy enough for them to ask a few questions.

"Hey, any of you dudes seen this guy?" Lai asked, holding out the photo of Shuichi.

One of the boys took it, looked, shook his head, before passing it to the next youth. "Nope."

The rest were indicating in the negative also, then one spoke up, "Hey, I think I might have!"

"Really?" Bikky perked his ears up.

The boy looked at the photo again, frowning a little. "Well, I think it could be the same guy, only he doesn't have pink hair and it's not in that style." He shrugged. "Maybe it's not. I dunno."

Lai took back the photo. "But you thought it might have been when you first looked at it?"

The guy half shrugged again, "Yeah, at first glance it sorta looked like him. I've seen him a couple of times around here, but I'm not real sure."

"Does he live around here, do you know?"

Another shrug. "No idea. Never spoken to him or anything. Just seen him across the street a couple of times." He motioned with his chin in the direction he meant. "I saw him go into that place." indicating the first apartment block on the corner they had passed.

"This is just awesome!" Bikky said to Lai with excitement.

"Hey, hold on a minute, we don't know if it is him!"

"Oh, come on, Lai! It's a damn good chance it is! The store owner said he came down this way, and it's got to be a pretty close bet that he lives in there. Even if he doesn't or it's not him, we're not gonna know till Ryo and Dee can check it out."

"I suppose." Lai agreed.

"Ryo was on late shift, so I'm gonna call Dee."

Ryo opened the door in answer to the loud banging. He rubbed his eyes tiredly, and looked at Tohma and Yuki.

"What's up?"

"Just had a call from Dee. He said to meet him here." Yuki said shortly.

"Oh." Ryo said, smothering a yawn, waving them inside. Yuki walked in and threw himself into a chair, lighting up a cigarette. Dee turned up a moment later.

"Good. You're all here."

Dee spread a city map out on the table. It was covered with a number of red circles now, each one representing a sighting of Shuichi. There were more of them than before, growing in an ever tighter circle.

They had been on Shuichi's trail for nearly four weeks, each day bringing a new development. With Lai's help in Chinatown and his brother, Law's, assistance through the Chinese community in the business world, they had finally begun to make some headway.

They had learnt that Shuichi had been working in Chinatown. He had been doing odd jobs such as dishwashing at restaurants, delivery boy for dry cleaners and grocery stores. You name it, he seemed to be doing it. Yuki was more than a little surprised. Shuichi had never seemed capable of maintaining concentration on anything, unless it was his music.

However, this posed a problem in its own way. The most difficult thing about these types of jobs was that they were all on a casual basis, never permanent. When he was needed, he was called. So Shuichi had continued to move on from one job to another, just helping out a few hours here and there. Each place they had verified he had worked at was carefully marked on the map.

He had been seen doing shopping at various times, but as Lai pointed out, he probably was given a lot of his food as payment for his work, especially in restaurants and grocery stores. So, though the sightings had been infrequent, they also were marked on the map.

"Last sighting we had was here." Dee said, adding another circle. "Lai and Bikky said that they were given a possible address that he might be at. It's an apartment block, so we're going to have to door knock." He looked up at Tohma and Yuki. "So are you two up for it tomorrow? We're going to be starting early."

"We're ready."

"Okay then. We'll pick you up at eight."

They made their way through the apartment block, one door at a time, taking note of any that they didn't receive an answer for to check out later. Ryo teamed with Tohma, whilst Yuki was with Dee. Time after time the answer was the same. No one had seen Shuichi.

"Why couldn't you just look up the rental agreements?" Tohma asked Ryo as they continued.

"Most of these places would have more than one person or family living in it." Ryo explained. "There may be only one name on the rental agreement, but it doesn't mean that Shu isn't going to be living there too."

Dee knocked on a door, and the young man who opened it peered at them suspiciously. This didn't change when Dee identified himself as a detective, holding up his badge. He tried to put on his most winning smile and explained the reason they were there; that they were looking for a young man who had been injured and lost his memory. He motioned to Yuki who was standing silently at his side, saying that he was family.

He held out Shuichi's photo for viewing. Yuki had explained that Shuichi had returned to his natural hair colour of brown, so the photo wasn't completely accurate. Personally Dee thought it was a damn good thing that the young man had got rid of the shocking pink. Waking up to that each morning would have made him puke! All he could think was that Ryo had better not get any such ideas!

"Hey, that's Shu!"

Yuki's heart nearly stopped.

"You're sure!" Dee said sharply.

"Yeah, I'm sure!" the young man said scornfully. "He lives here!"

"Look, are you really positive?" Dee pressed. "Have a good look at the picture. You're absolutely positive that this is the same person?"

"Sure I am! Okay, his hair's a lot shorter, but that's him, alright. He said he had been in an accident, some sort of plane crash. He was pretty busted up still. He's been getting help for that for ages."

"Where is he?"

"Oh, wow, man, you've just missed him."

"Where's he gone?"

"He left. With the band."

"What band?"

"He got together with a couple of guys around here, and they've been playing the local scene. You know, the local bars and clubs. They're pretty good, too. Never knew Shu could sing!"

"Where have they gone?"

"Canada." was the reply.

Yuki's heart plummeted.

Back at the precinct they sat in the empty interview room. Yuki couldn't believe it. Not again! This couldn't be happening again! He put his head in his hands, massaging his temples. Could he go on? Was there any point? Now what should he do?

A hand on his shoulder squeezed. He didn't look up. Go away, Tohma, he thought. He didn't need the man's pity.

"Hang in there." A quiet voice that wasn't Tohma's said. He looked up to see Ryo standing beside him. "It's not over yet, remember."

"I've found out some more." Dee said, striding back into the room, papers in hand. "The band is a couple of local kids, a guitarist and keyboardist. One of them has an uncle who owns a club here and who's got friends up north. So he set up a little road trip for them to try and give them a bit of a break. Their usual singer had got pregnant, so they asked Shu to join them. Apparently they had heard him in a karaoke bar and were smart enough to know talent when they saw it. They left a couple of weeks ago."

"Where are they headed?"

"Boston to play first, then Standford in Maine. From there, they were heading across to Quebec. That was to be their last stop."

"Quebec." Yuki said looking at the map. It seemed a long way away.

"Yep." Dee looked at the date on his watch. "According to his uncle, they would have just been finishing up there about now. He said they planned to hang around a while before coming home."

"I'm going." Yuki said suddenly.

"Why not wait for him to return?"

"We don't know how long that'll be, and I don't want to miss him again." Tohma was already pulling his phone out and dialling.

"Hold on a minute." Dee said and disappeared out the door.

"Are you sure about this?" Ryo asked Yuki.

"Yes. I can't just wait here to see when he comes back. Not after all this time. I've got to find him."

Ryo nodded in understanding. "I know. If it's any consolation, this has taken less time than I thought it would."

"Less time?" Yuki was surprised. To him it had seemed to take a lifetime already.

"Yes. Missing persons are never easy, and in a case like this, we've been really lucky." Ryo smiled warmly at him. "I think that must mean that you were meant to find him, if you care to believe in destiny or fate."

"I'll believe in anything, even the fucking Tooth Fairy! As long as I find him!" Yuki said a little harshly.

"I'm sure you will." and turned as Dee re-entered the room.

"I've booked a flight, and it leaves this evening." Tohma said to Yuki as he rejoined them.

"Here," Dee said, handing over a piece of paper to Yuki. "That's the names of the places that the band were booked to play at, as well as the contact names and phone numbers. I've asked the uncle here to contact either Ryo or myself as soon as the boys return, and if Shu comes back to send him into us. We can contact you then if that happens."

Ryo held out his hand. "Sorry we can't go with you, but Quebec's a little out of our jurisdiction!"

Yuki shook it. "You've done more than enough. Thanks."

"Take care and good luck."

"Watch yourself." Dee said, shaking hands. "Let us know how you go."

"Sure."

Back at the hotel, Yuki quickly threw his clothes into the bag, when he noticed Tohma sitting quietly on the bed, making no move to pack.

"What's up?" he asked, continuing to pack.

"I won't be going with you."

Yuki stopped at those quiet words and turned. Tohma looked back at him, face serious.

"Why not?" Yuki sat on the bed opposite.

"It's time I went home." Yuki said nothing. "I've got a company to run, and Mika needs me. I've been away from both for longer than I probably should have."

Yuki still said nothing. Tohma was completely correct. Yuki hadn't expected his brother-in-law to come with him, hadn't expected him to stay with him all this time. It had been nearly four months. That's a long time.

Yuki felt a stab of guilt to think of his sister left alone in Japan as her husband took off to another country to baby-sit her brother. She must have been missing Tohma. Yuki had been so caught up in his own problems that he hadn't given much thought to the others involved in this.

He reached in and lit up a cigarette, looking at Tohma steadily. "Yeah. You'd better get home." he said.

Tohma looked worried. "I'm sorry I can't stay. I wish I could go with you."

Yuki blew out a puff of smoke and stood, turning his back on Tohma. "I can look after myself. I'm a big boy. I think I can manage to catch a plane on my own."

"Eiri," Tohma said quietly.

Yuki slowly turned and looked down at Tohma. He looked dejected, tired. Yuki realized this had probably been just as hard on Tohma as it had on him. Tohma had done most of the organizing. It was Tohma who had to pick up the pieces when Yuki had fallen apart. It was Tohma who had borne the brunt of every one of Yuki's moods. That wasn't easy for anyone.

"Thanks." Yuki said abruptly. Tohma looked up, a little surprised. "For everything. Without you, I wouldn't be here. So, thanks."

A soft smile spread across Tohma's face as he stood. "You're welcome, Eiri." He glanced at his watch. "You'd better head downstairs. Your cab's going to be waiting."

Yuki grabbed the last of his things and left the room, Tohma walking with him. He placed his bag in the back of the cab, and turned at the door to face his brother-in-law.

"Give my love to Mika. And Tatsuha." he said a little awkwardly.

"I will. You take care of yourself. Don't get into any trouble, if you can help it. And call me every day, alright?" Tohma smiled. "You don't want to make me worry, do you?"

"Yeah."

"Hang onto Jim's number. He might still be able to help you."

"I've got it."

They looked at each other a moment longer, and then Yuki took a sudden step forward and, in an entirely uncharacteristic gesture, he enclosed Tohma in a quick embrace. He released the startled man and stepped into the cab, slamming the door before Tohma could say anything. As the cab sped away he could see Tohma in the side mirror, still standing on the pavement looking after him.

He leant back and closed his eyes with a sigh. Quebec, he thought. He'd have to brush up on his French.

Yuki wandered into another club, letting the din wrap around him like a thick blanket. How many clubs had he gone to during this time? he wondered. How many nights had he spent, roaming the darkened streets? How many days had he slept away, living this nocturnal life? Too many. Too fucking many.

He had arrived in Quebec and gone immediately to the club Dee had provided him with the name. The manager was helpful, more than accommodating, but he couldn't help. The band had finished up the day before, been paid, and the boys had left. The manager had said that he had heard that they were going to stay and look around, but he didn't know for how long or where they were going to stay.

That had begun a whole new search for Yuki. He began to visit every hotel, every boarding house, every YMCA, anywhere that would take in lodgers. There had been no luck. He had become so sick of asking the same questions, 'Have you seen this person, Do you know this man, Have you any idea where else I could go?', over and over again. He could recite those questions in his sleep. Hell, he probably fucking did, for all he knew! Always the same questions, which always generated the same answer - No.

He tried once more asking at businesses similar to those that Shuichi had been working in whilst in New York, thinking he might have gone back to doing some casual work. He roamed through small corner stories, delivery services, restaurants and cafes; everywhere that he thought might, just might, be somewhere that Shuichi may have come to. Again, no luck.

He had received a call from Dee about a week after arriving, to tell him that the other two band members had returned home but without Shuichi. Apparently he had parted company with the others and decided to remain in Quebec. Why, Yuki didn't know. Shuichi didn't speak very good English, let alone French! Yuki was having a hard enough time himself, having to dredge up his forgotten French lessons from his time of schooling in New York. How was Shuichi getting along here in Quebec? He supposed that he would have improved his language skills in English a little more from his time in the US, but he wouldn't have been able to pick up French at the same time! Shuichi really wasn't that smart!

Yuki then turned to the only other avenue that might be open to him. It was a long shot, he thought. Shuichi was on his own now, so Yuki didn't know if he would have stayed around these places. However, it was the only thing Yuki had left to him, so he began to make his way through the clubs. What had triggered that was an impromptu visit to a club advertising an amateur singing night. He had seen the sign as he was walking past and on impulse went in. He spoke to the manager, showing Shuichi's photo, and been so surprised when the manager had indicated that he had seen him.

"Sure. He was in here a few nights ago. He's really good. Hard to believe that he only started singing about a month ago with a couple of buddies in New York. Even though he's got a bit of a problem with English, he can manage to sing pretty well."

"Does he come in here often?" Yuki asked, nearly holding his breath.

The manager shook his head. "Haven't seen him since then."

Yuki felt dejected - another dead end.

"You could try the club down the corner." the manager suddenly said helpfully. "They usually see most of the local clubbing crowd."

"Thanks." and Yuki left, feet dragging. He looked down the street in the direction the club manager had indicated. Should he bother? Was he being foolish to himself to even try? He stood there, staring down the street. In his mind's eye, he could see a small figure, pink hair flying as Shuichi ran towards him. The vision clouded, and Yuki reached up to rub at his eyes. His knuckles came away wet. He stared at them, as though seeing them for the first time. He pressed his lips together tightly and raised his head, looking down the street. He would not give up! With a strong firm stride and narrowed eyes, he walked down the street.

So began the club and pub-crawl through Quebec. Every place like that in Quebec City, Yuki had visited it he was sure. He had seen every sort, from girl bars to boy bars, from S&M and every other kink you can imagine, to the plain and ordinary. Anywhere that had music associated with it in any sort of way. At every venue that had music, singing or dancing, Yuki searched. At every one, Yuki asked the same question. At some, he received a positive sighting. Yes, Shuichi had been there at one time or another. At others, nothing. The photo Yuki carried with him constantly was becoming worn and creased. Yuki found that most nights he would spend time running his fingertips gently over the glossy surface, trying to smooth it out, to make it whole. He just wished he could do the same for his heart.

He continued his search, sleeping during most of the day, before hitting the night scene. Finally he found one club that told him that Shuichi was a fill-in DJ, coming in when he was needed, sometimes filling in someone's shift, or helping out on special event nights. Yuki tried to explain the circumstances, why he was trying to find Shuichi, but they wouldn't give out his phone number or address, no matter how much he asked. Something about a privacy policy for employees. What the fuck did he care about that! By that time, he had to leave before he lost his temper and did something drastic. Not that he would have regretted it. Far from it. The way he had been feeling at that time, he was sure he would have enjoyed every moment of what ever he did, but instead, he left. Being thrown in jail for assault would not make him find Shuichi any quicker, no matter how satisfying it would be.

Despite their unhelpfulness, it was the best lead that he had, so he returned there, night after night. He didn't know how long it was going to take for Shuichi to be called in again; days, weeks? It didn't matter, Yuki would be waiting here. He didn't like these sorts of places. He hated the intense noise that drowned out everything else. He hated the pounding bass beat that vibrated from the floor and up through his body, jarring his nerves. He hated the thumping that went right through his head, leaving him with a splitting headache the next day. The smoke didn't particularly bother him; he just added to it whilst he was there. And at least he had the alcohol to take the edge of things. Thank heavens for small mercies!

There had been that one night that he had thought his search was finally over. He had been drinking at the bar for some time, but that night the music had really been driving him mad. It was so bad he just couldn't ignore it any longer. Snarling, he had picked up his drink and made his way to the stairs. Perhaps it would be better if he was upstairs, situated higher and away from the worst of the racket. He pushed through the jiggling, gyrating, swaying bodies that rubbed up against him, both male and female. He gritted his teeth. How he hated this place!

Finally he reached the semi-safety of the stairs. He still had to brush past the people standing and sitting on them as he climbed, but at least the crush wasn't as bad as on the dance floor. He made his way over to the balcony, balancing his glass on the ledge there and lighting a cigarette. He leant forward and rested his elbows on the railing, looking down over the seething mass below him. He grimaced in distaste. The mere sight of all that crowded humanity made his stomach twist, and he shuddered. He didn't like having to be so close to so many people like this.

His eyes drifted over the view, not really taking things in, not settling on any one place, when suddenly they jerked back to a spot. He stared, not believing it. Could it be? He leant forward, dangerously stretching over the railing to peer downwards through the smoke laden air. Was that…..could it be…..was that Shuichi!

He continued to watch the young man his eyes had settled on. Was he imagining it? Were his eyes playing tricks on him? A flash of a profile, nothing more than a glimpse before the head turned again, showing Yuki only the back. His heart lurched in his chest. That had…..looked like him!

Turn around! Yuki screamed in his mind, his eyes trying to bore holes into the back of the head he was staring at so intently. For fuck's sake, turn around! As though he had heard him, the young man did, turning fully around so Yuki could look fully upon his face. He saw the man swing his head from side to side as though looking for something, then give a small shrug before turning back to the people he was speaking to.

Yuki's hands were clenched around the railing so hard his hands hurt. It was him! It was! Yuki spun away from the railing, not even noticing that his drink toppled from the ledge to shatter on the floor. He pushed violently past the people crowding the stairs, ignoring the shouts, and small screams as bodies stumbled and had to catch themselves ungracefully to avoid being knocked completely over. He reached the dance floor and kept pushing, shoving, forcing his way to the spot he had seen Shuichi. It was taking so long!

He finally reached the area and looked frantically around. Nothing, not a sign of him anywhere! Where! Where did he go! Yuki kept looking, kept pushing through the bodies surrounding him, ignoring everything around him, eyes constantly searching for just one person. He couldn't see Shuichi anywhere, couldn't even see the others he had been talking to. Where had they gone!

Yuki finally stopped. He felt drained, exhausted. They weren't there, he finally admitted to himself. Shuichi wasn't here. Had he really been here? Yuki wondered. Had he really seen him? Or was it just a trick his mind was playing on him? Making him see the one thing that he wanted to see so badly.

Enough. He left and made his way back to his hotel, and spent the rest of the night getting drunk.

That had been three weeks ago. So here he was, once again - back at the same place. Another night of no sleep, of pounding music thumping through his veins, smoke filling his lungs, lights assaulting his eyes. He ordered himself a beer, leaning on the counter, looking around. He raised the bottle to his lips, when something caught his eye.

Yuki froze where he stood. It was him. It was! He was certain. One hundred per cent certain. He looked a little different. His hair was much shorter, though a little longer at the back. He was much thinner, and more tanned. He looked over the figure, the face, taking it all in. It **was** him! It was Shuichi! This time, he wasn't mistaken!

He felt himself begin to shake, his legs feeling like they would give way, collapsing him where he stood. His feet remained locked where they were. He couldn't move. All he could do was stand there, and drink in the sight of the person across the crowded room.

The flashing lights, the loud music, the smoke and general noise, all faded into the background. All his senses, every portion of his being, were focused on one thing. One person.

Shuichi! He breathed the name, feeling his heart clench, his breathing increase. Oh, Shuichi, as he drank in the sight of his long lost partner.

Suddenly he saw Shuichi move and disappear into the crowd. No! His mind screamed, panic finally releasing his body from its immobile state.

He hurriedly pushed through the crowded mass of bodies on the dance floor, ignoring the angry sounds that followed in his wake. His eyes were fixed on the spot where Shuichi had vanished from. He reached it, and began to frantically look around, straining his eyes through the haze, searching….searching. Where was he! Yuki gazed over the heads of the crowds, his taller height providing some advantage.

He suddenly spotted him on the far side of the room, moving towards the exit. Yuki began to push his way there also. Shuichi reached the door first, slipping outside. No! Not again! Yuki thrust harder and faster, finally breaking free of the masses and escaping into the night air. He looked urgently around. Where did he go!

He spotted a short figure in the distance as the headlights of a car flicked past. It was Shuichi. Yuki saw him turn down a side street and he set off at a run, feet pounding on the pavement. His long strides brought him to the spot where Shuichi had turned so quickly he almost skidded around the corner. Only a few hundred metres in front of him was Shuichi.

"Shuichi!" he shouted, setting off running again. He saw the figure pause, then continue to walk.

"Shu!" Yuki called out again.

This time he saw Shuichi stop and turn. He closed the distance between them and halted, panting. He stood only about four feet from Shuichi.

Yuki feared he was hallucinating. The strain of the search, lack of sleep, the worry, all making him see his greatest wish. But he could see the air steam slightly as the boy breathed, as he looked at Yuki questioning.

It was that look that nearly undid Yuki. That look nearly brought him crashing to his knees in despair. It was the look of a stranger. There was no recognition in Shuichi's face, no recognition in his eyes as they looked upon Yuki's face. It was just the polite gaze of a stranger. Nothing more.

"Did you just call me?" he asked Yuki politely.

Yuki gulped back the sob that threatened to erupt at the sound of that well remembered voice. He swallowed hard. "Yes." was all he could manage to get out.

Shuichi tipped his head to one side, a gesture that jerked at Yuki's heart. "Ah, do I know you?'

His heart broke.

Yuki took a steadying breath, fighting back the tears that threatened to fall. "Yes." he answered, barely above a whisper. "From Japan."

"Ah!" Shuichi said, reaching up a hand to his face and rubbing a temple lightly. They had already been conversing in Japanese.

He really doesn't remember, Yuki thought, feeling his heart go out to Shuichi at his lack of memories.

"I knew you in Japan. Your...friends have been looking for you."

Shuichi's head camp up suddenly. "You know who I am?"

Yuki nodded. "Yes. Very well. It's a long story, and there's a lot to tell you…..."

Suddenly a cry interrupted them.

"Hey, Shu!"

Yuki turned to see a girl running towards them, waving. She was young, around Shuichi's age, quite pretty and obviously of Asian descent. She cast a curious glance at Yuki as she passed him, but then turned her attentions immediately to Shuichi.

Yuki watched as she flung herself into Shuichi's arms, who caught her with a broad welcoming smile. They kissed passionately, and Yuki felt his chest tighten further. Once the couple had parted, the girl stood to one side, but they each kept an arm wrapped tightly around each other's waists.

"Sorry, this is my girlfriend, Annette." Shuichi introduced her. "I'm sorry, I don't remember…."

"Yuki." Yuki replied quickly. "Eiri Yuki." Still there was no sign of recognition to the mention of his name.

Shuichi flashed him a grateful smile. "Ah, thanks. It's a little awkward, isn't it? You say you know me, but I can't remember you. Sorry."

"It's not your fault." Yuki assured him quietly.

"Since you say you do know me, I would like to hear some more, honestly." Shuichi glanced at his watch, and then the girl at his side, smiling at her. "But it's a little late now. I mean, if I don't remember for one more night, it's not really going to make a lot of difference, is it?"

"No." Yuki said, forcing the words past a throat swollen with repressed tears. "No, I guess it isn't."

"So, how about I meet you tomorrow night? Down at the boardwalk, the little café on the corner. Do you know the place?"

Yuki nodded. "Yes, I know it."

"Great! I'll meet you there after work, about 1am, if that's not too late for you."

"I'll be waiting."

I've been waiting all this time for you, Yuki thought gazing at that beloved face before him. I'll always be waiting for you.

Yuki reached into his pocket and pulled out a business card. "Here's my card. My cell phone number is on it. Call me if anything changes."

Shuichi took it, slipping it into his jacket. "Okay then! See you tomorrow night!" and he turned away with a jaunty wave.

As Yuki watched him walk away, arm in arm with his girlfriend, he had to fight the urge to run after him, to rip him away from the girl, to hold him and never let him go. Standing there and watching Shuichi walk away, watching the darkness of the night swallow him from his sight, was one of the hardest things he had ever had to do.

As the couple disappeared from view, he heard the girl asking "Who was that?"

And, more heartbreaking, was Shuichi's answer as it drifted to Yuki on the night air, faint but still audible.

"I don't know."


	15. Chapter 15

Title: The Key to My Heart: Chapter 16

Author: JadeHeart

Located/Archived: Found on & If anyone else would like it, please ask me first

Fandom: Gravitation

Rating: M

Warnings: angst, bad language

Author's Note: Chapter 15 was a lemon and so has been removed for posting to this site. It is incorporated in the postings on the other sites listed.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own the characters in this they belong to the creators of 'Gravitation', nor am I making any profits from this story.

Chapter 16

Yuki lit another cigarette. He had been waiting for some time. The darkness closed in around him, the café behind throwing multiple pools of illumination outwards, like puddles of sunshine trying to break the night.

He paced, hands in pockets. He drew one hand out and glanced at his watch. It was 1.15am. He chewed on the butt of his cigarette, chest tightening. Shuichi had said to meet him here at 1.00am. This was the exact spot he had said to meet. Yuki had already walked the length of the boardwalk to be sure that he hadn't been waiting for Yuki somewhere else. There had been no sign of him anywhere. No, this was definitely where Shuichi had said he would come. So he waited.

Yuki had been waiting here since midnight. He had arrived early, as he had been so afraid of arriving late and missing Shuichi. Missing him again. He continued to pace. He was too uptight to sit down and have a drink, and so had done nothing but pace and smoke for the past hour and a bit.

Where was he? he wondered, nearly biting through his cigarette in his worry. He spat it out in anger, before immediately reaching for another. Where was Shuichi? Had he changed his mind? Had he decided that he didn't want to meet Yuki? Did he decide he didn't want to know who he was? Had the thought of meeting someone from his forgotten past frightened him, so he had changed his mind? Was he afraid to learn who he was?

How would it feel, Yuki wondered, to not know who you were? To have nothing, to know nothing, of your past? There were many things in Yuki's past that he would have liked nothing more than to forget, so in some ways that blankness would be a blessing he had often thought.

But everything? To lose everything that you were? Where you had come from, what you did, who your friends were, your family? What would it be like to lose everything that made you….you? If there was no 'you' anymore, what was there? Who was there?

He continued pacing, looking out into the darkness, hearing the gentle sound of water lapping. Who was Shuichi, he wondered. Who was Shuichi now? Who had Shuichi been in the first place?

He thought about that, looking down at his feet as he walked, one foot in front of the other. Just who had Shuichi been?

When Yuki had first met him, he had been young, exuberant, enthusiastic, full of energy. He had swept into Yuki's life like a tornado, turning everything upside down. Before Yuki knew it, he, too, had been swept up in those spinning winds. He had been left feeling bruised, battered, and completely put through the wringer during that tumultuous time.

He hadn't really known what to do about Shuichi back then, didn't really know how to handle the boy. He had been just so….different from anyone Yuki had ever met before. His openness, his ability to express his every emotion so willingly, to share so much of himself with those he cared about. It had been a constant source of wonder to Yuki, and completely incomprehensible.

There had been days that Yuki just wanted to strangle the kid, throttle the life from him to just stop him from driving him crazy! Yet at the same time, Yuki had fought the desire to hang onto him and never let him go.

He had tried to fight against Shuichi. He had really tried hard to push him away, make him leave, send his distracting presence away so he would no longer turn his comfortable, set, organised life upside down. But no matter what he did, somehow Shuichi always came back. He was always there. Even when Yuki thought he didn't want him to be, he was still there.

Soon Yuki came to realize that he didn't really want Shuichi to go, didn't really want to lose him at all. What he really wanted was to have Shuichi by him. Always.

Yes, the boy still drove him mad at times, still drove him almost to the end of his tether. He was still demanding, and wanting attention, and sometimes so overly affectionate that Yuki felt like he was getting smothered. Yet Yuki found that when he was feeling down, when the dark clouds of depression threatened to settle on his horizon, the only thing that could dispel them was Shuichi. That boundless energy, but most importantly that endless love, that he showered on Yuki allowed nothing but happiness to invade Yuki's life.

That was still something he couldn't understand; Shuichi's ability to pour so much love onto him, so unconditionally, not asking, nor expecting anything. Just stating that was the way it was for him and he was going to be true to himself, no matter what. And he had been. No matter what Yuki or anyone else had tried to do or say, Shuichi had always been true to himself. Yuki envied that so much.

But now…. how could Shuichi be true to himself, when he didn't know who he was? Was his 'true self' linked to his memories? Or was his 'true self' something that was just there, something innate, and would always be there? What was one's 'true self'? Did Yuki even know his own 'true self'?

He dropped his finished cigarette to the ground, stepping on it as he continued walking. No, Yuki couldn't claim to know who he really was, not really deep down. He had been nothing more than a shell, a pretty façade to show the world. Eiri Yuki had been nothing but a mask. A mask that hid the real Eiri Yuki not just from everyone else, but also himself. He had been like a wraith, a form with no substance that just existed. He went through the motions he thought he should, he portrayed the individual that Eiri Yuki seemed to be in his mind. He didn't know who his 'true self' was. That was something he had only just been discovering in the past couple of years. From the years of being with Shuichi.

Yuki had been shaped and trapped by his past for so long, that he hadn't truly grown as a person. Those past memories, suppressed or not, had ruled him completely. Until Shuichi had banished them, and in banishing them, began to create new memories for Yuki. It was like stepping out into the bright sunshine when you had lived all your life in the darkness of a locked room. It was blinding, and it hurt, but if you opened your eyes and let them adjust, you would see such beauty and wonders.

That was how Yuki had felt with Shuichi. The boy had opened his eyes to a world that he truly hadn't ever really seen. He had shown him a new way of living. He could still be Yuki, could still be himself, but he had found that there was so much more to himself than even he had realized. Yet Shuichi had always believed it. It was because of that belief that he had taken Yuki by the hand and led him into the sunlight.

That was how Shuichi had been back then, and he was much more than just that. He had another side to him, another portion of his life that was what made him, him. He was a member of Bad Luck, a rising pop star. He had talent, ability, he had worked hard and made something of himself. He had known fame, come to grips with publicity, accepted interviews with the calmness of a professional. He knew how to play the crowds until they were eating out of his hand. He had grown up and matured. Sometimes.

Yuki glanced at his watch again. 1.30am. He looked into the night. There were still a few people walking this stretch, taking in the beautiful night. It was a popular romantic spot. Yuki couldn't appreciate it at the moment.

Where was he?

Had Shuichi decided that he was happier the way he was, not remembering? He had coped quite well on his own. Yuki was still a little surprised by that. He was still having difficulty in accepting a capable, practical Shuichi, but that was the case. He had found himself jobs, worked hard from what Yuki had been told, found a place to live, made friends, even traveled in a foreign country where he didn't know the language very well. That really didn't seem like the Shuichi that Yuki had known. Was that what Shuichi might be afraid of? Finding out that the person he had been previously wasn't this capable, wasn't this mature, wasn't this….adult?

Yuki still found it a little ironic that Shuichi had ended up back in a band. Not that it was surprising that someone didn't recognize his talent. Gods, the boy positively oozed talent from every pore when he was near music! You would have to be blind, dumb, and tone deaf to not recognize that! No, what was ironic was that the band consisted of a guitarist and keyboardist, with Shuichi as the singer. The same combination that had been Bad Luck. Maybe that was just fate.

He lit another cigarette, continuing to walk. Had Shuichi decided that he liked the way his life was now, and so didn't want to disrupt it with his past? He still had his music, even though he wasn't a famous pop star, and yet he had seemed quite happy at the club. He had looked healthy, fit, ……and happy.

It was that happiness that made Yuki's heart ache. He wanted Shuichi to be happy, he truly did. He wanted it with all his heart. He just couldn't bear to see him happy because he had lost his memories. That he was happy because he didn't remember Yuki! That hurt so much. Yuki wanted Shuichi to be happy with him!

Was he being selfish, Yuki wondered. Was he just wanting Shuichi to remember for his own selfish reasons? Because he couldn't go on without him? It appeared that Shuichi had moved on. He had had no choice but to do so, and in doing so had made a new life for himself. A life that seemed to suit him. Did Yuki have the right to try and change that? Was getting his memories back, remembering the past, the best thing for Shuichi?

Yuki ground his teeth. Maybe it wasn't best for Shuichi. But how could it not be? It wasn't like he was going to find out that he was an axe murderer, or was married with six kids, or had done anything really bad before. He was going to find out that he was a famous pop star, had legions of fans, was highly talented, had friends and family who cared about him. It was all good, wasn't it? Surely it was okay for Shuichi to learn about that? Wasn't it?

He looked down at his watch again. 1.45am. He dropped his finished cigarette and paused in his pacing to look up at the stars. Had Shuichi decided not to see Yuki tonight? Or ever? Perhaps his girlfriend had told him not to come? After all, Shuichi only had Yuki's word that they had known each other in Japan. Perhaps the girl was concerned that Yuki was some crazy person that would cause Shuichi harm. He couldn't really blame her, if that was the case. He had just sort of appeared out of no where into Shuichi's life.

Or perhaps she didn't want Shuichi to regain his memories of his past? Perhaps she was just as afraid of losing Shuichi to his past, as Yuki was afraid of losing him to the present. Could they really have that much in common? He didn't want to have anything in common with that girl. That girl had taken Shuichi from him!

How did they meet? Had they met here in Quebec City, or somewhere else? Was she actually just a groupie who had latched on to Shuichi and his little band as they had played their way to here? Was she here just studying, or did she live here? How did she know Japanese? It was pretty convenient that Shuichi had met up with someone who spoke his own language. Yuki wouldn't have thought that he would have. Just who was she?

Why did Shuichi like her? He could understand why she liked him. Shuichi was sweet, loving, caring, and committed. Not committed in the insane asylum way, though sometimes Yuki was certain the kid belonged in a straight jacket and a room with padded walls with the way he would behave! No, Shuichi was committed to anything he felt was truly important. His music, his family, his friends. And Yuki. Before, Shuichi had been completely committed to Yuki, and to their relationship. If Shuichi was with this girl now, yes, he would be committed to her.

Was that something that was worrying Shuichi? That he was committed to that girl and he feared that what he might learn of his past, or who he was, would affect his relationship with her? That it would upset her, hurt her? Yes, he probably was worried about that. Shuichi would worry about someone else so much when he cared for them.

2.00am. Where was he? Yuki looked behind him. The Chateau Fronenac towered high on the hill behind him, the outside lights casting rays of illumination across the façade, making it look almost other-worldly and somewhat frightening, and yet at the same time breathtakingly beautiful.

Cared for. How much did Shuichi care for that girl? The way they had greeted each other last night, well, that indicated a great depth of feeling. Perhaps it was just the initial throes of love when in a new relationship, when everything seemed wonderful, new, bright and exciting. That feeling didn't always last, not if the relationship was going to continue and become more meaningful and lasting. Even if that was the case, at this point in time, they had definitely seemed happy together. They were definitely more than just a fling or passing fancy to each other.

Shuichi really did care for her. Very much. Yuki could see it in the way he had smiled at her, the way he had kissed her, the way he had held her. Even just the way he had looked at her. Once Shuichi had looked at Yuki like that. Once, Yuki was the only person who Shuichi would ever have looked at like that. It hurt to see that transferred to someone else. It hurt to lose that.

Where was he? The night air was getting chillier as it crept closer towards dawn.

Was Yuki just deluding himself in thinking that he could give Shuichi back his memories? That just by talking with him, he could give him back his past? Even if he did and Shuichi remembered, what then? He stopped. Just what would happen then, he wondered. Would Shuichi remember everything, and if he did, would all the bad things be too much for him? What if he decided that all the times that Yuki had been horrid to him, had been heartless and cruel, what if he decided that they just weren't worth it? What if he decided that Yuki wasn't worth it!

Yuki wrapped his arms around himself, feeling the shiver that shook his body. What if all Shuichi remembered were the bad times, and none of the good times? Unfortunately, there had been a lot of bad times back then, back at the start. It wasn't like he and Shuichi had had an easy start to their relationship. It had always amazed Yuki that from all of that could have come this wonderful relationship that they had. It wasn't perfect, by any means. They still had their ups and downs, their days when they couldn't stand each other, that they got on each other's nerves. But for all of that, Yuki had never, ever, wanted Shuichi to leave him. Now, could all those bad times at the start be the only things that Shuichi would remember? Yuki cursed himself now for those. He could have done things differently, made things better for Shuichi!

He dropped his arms to his side, shoulders slumping. No, he couldn't have, he admitted to himself in blunt honesty. He couldn't have done things differently. Not back then. He had been too confused, too caught up in himself and his past, and too uncertain about the future that Shuichi was holding out to him. The way he had been back then, he couldn't have done anything differently at all. Just as Shuichi probably couldn't have done anything different either. They were both who they had been back then, just as they are who they are now. Only….Shuichi didn't know who he was.

He lit another cigarette. His hands were shaking so much it was difficult to hold the flame of the lighter to the end. He felt his eyes stinging from unshed tears. He wasn't coming. Shuichi wasn't coming. He inhaled, filling his lungs with smoke to try and stop the sobs that threatened to emerge. He bit his lip, hoping the pain would hold back those tears.

Shuichi wasn't coming.

He turned around to leave, to walk away into the night, wishing that the darkness could just swallow him completely and erase him from this world. At this moment, Yuki wished he too, suffered from Shuichi's lack of memories.

"Hey!" a faint voice cried out through the darkness.

Yuki lifted his head, peering through the night. A figure was moving there in the darkness, running towards him, waving expansively to catch his attention.

"Hey!" it called again.

Yuki's heart leapt at the sight.

He had come.


	16. Chapter 16

Title: The Key to My Heart: Chapter 17

Author: JadeHeart

Located/Archived: Found on & If anyone else would like it, please ask me first

Fandom: Gravitation

Rating: M

Warnings: angst, bad language

**Disclaimer: **I do not own the characters in this they belong to the creators of 'Gravitation', nor am I making any profits from this story.

Chapter 17

Yuki stood where he was, waiting, as Shuichi ran towards him. The boy stopped in front of him, leaning over, hands on knees, head down, panting hard.

"Sorry…" Shuichi breathed heavily. He lifted his head, smiling broadly, eyes lit with energy. The sight of those large violet eyes looking up at him caught Yuki completely off guard.

"Sorry I'm late." pant, pant. "I got caught up at the club," pant, pant. "I didn't know if you'd still be here. Sorry!"

"No problem." Yuki said, reaching automatically for a cigarette. His hands were shaking. Shuichi was here! Finally, he would be able to talk with him!

"Great!" Shuichi straightened, still smiling brightly. "Well, I need a drink! You want one?"

"Sure." Yuki followed Shuichi over to the café. They sat at one of the first tables they came to, close to the entrance.

"It's so beautiful here! I just love it!" Shuichi said, gazing out at the night with a fond expression on his face. Yuki could remember seeing that same look on the boy's face when he would stand in the park back in Tokyo and look out over the city lights.

Yuki took this moment to look at Shuichi more closely now. The previous night he had only seen the boy from a distance at first. Then when they had spoken briefly, they had done so on a darkened street with little illumination.

Now was the first opportunity Yuki had to truly look at Shuichi, to take in everything about him. He still could hardly believe that he was sitting opposite him, that it was really him. Yuki so desperately wanted to reach out and just touch the boy. To reassure himself that he wasn't dreaming, that Shuichi was real, but he didn't dare.

He gazed at the boy sitting before him. Shuichi was wearing his hair cut very short, close to his head at the sides and front, just a few wispy strands forming a fringe. It accentuated the features of his face, made them seem thinner, more mature. The hair at the back was quite a bit longer, brushing past the collar of his shirt.

As Shuichi shifted in his chair, Yuki saw him reach up and brush his hair back from where it had tangled in his collar. It was then that he saw the signs of scarring, running down the side of the boy's neck. How far it went, Yuki didn't know.

There was also something else about Shuichi's face that Yuki had noticed. As the lights inside the café struck the right side of the boy's face, Yuki could see the cheek bone on that side was a little more prominent that the other. It was something that most people wouldn't even notice. Only those that had known Shuichi before might see it. Or those that had spent long hours memorizing every detail of his face. Like Yuki.

Yuki could remember the list of injuries the doctor had told them that Shuichi had received but he had pushed those thoughts away, not wanting to think about the pain and suffering that the boy must have gone through. Gone through alone because Yuki hadn't been there with him. He had already noticed that as Shuichi had been running towards him, that he had moved with a slight limp, just a slight change in his balance. Another sign of what Shuichi had lived through. His hands clenched.

"Are you okay?" he asked suddenly.

"Huh?" Shuichi looked confused, caught off guard by the question.

"Your injuries," Yuki didn't know how else to put it.

"Oh, those!" Shuichi brushed Yuki's concern away. "Yeah, it's all okay. The leg hurts a bit still, especially if I run hard. Don't worry about the limp. The doctors said that with time and exercise it should be fine after a while."

The airy way Shuichi waved away concerns for his well being was so familiar to Yuki. In many ways it would appear that Shuichi hadn't changed at all, but to him, it seemed like the boy was almost a completely different person. The physical changes, however slight, altered him in subtle ways. The mental and emotional changes - they would hold much greater ramifications. Already, Yuki could see this had obviously made further changes in Shuichi. He was so much calmer, more withdrawn or focused inwards, than he previously had been. Yuki didn't know which Shuichi he liked, or wanted.

They both ordered coffee, with Shuichi also asking for a slice of cake. "Sure you don't want anything to eat?"

Yuki shook his head.

"I'm usually starved after work! Hope you don't mind?"

"No, that's fine."

"Okay."

Shuichi then leant back in his chair, looking over at Yuki seriously. "I don't really know what to say to you." he said quietly.

Yuki remained silent.

"I mean, here you suddenly are! A person I meet in a dark street in the middle of the night, and who, out of the blue, tells me they knew me before the crash and can tell me about my missing memories. It's a little…disconcerting."

Shuichi really didn't seem that worried by it to Yuki.

"So," Shuichi leant forward, elbows on the table, chin resting on his raised hand, eyes fixed on Yuki's face. "Who am I?"

Yuki rested his cigarette on the ashtray. "Your name's Shuichi Shindou." he began quietly.

"Shuichi Shindou." Shuichi said almost to himself, eyes turning inwards. He suddenly smiled. "It doesn't sound as cool as my name!"

Yuki winced at his words. Shuichi still thought of 'his name' as being what he was calling himself at present.

"What name do you have?"

"Oh, Shu. Shu Chan."

So he had even given himself a surname. "How did you come up with that?"

Shuichi laughed, full and carefree, leaning back again. He sounds so much like himself, Yuki thought, I remember that laugh.

"I saw a whole heap of Jackie Chan movies whilst I was stuck in hospital. There must have been some sort of marathon going because I think they must have played every film he had ever been in, and at least twice! I really liked them! I thought he was so cool, and really funny! So I just took his last name. I couldn't remember my own, and I needed one. They didn't seem to like just calling me 'Shu', and I thought they sounded good together - Shu Chan! It's not every day you can name yourself!" Shuichi smiled broadly. He appeared quite pleased with his inventiveness.

"And that girl?" Yuki said, lighting another cigarette. "Last night."

"Oh, you mean Annette! Yeah, she's my girlfriend."

Yuki kept his face schooled into an expression of polite interest only, letting none of his inner turmoil and jealousy boil to the surface.

"Is she Japanese?"

"Actually, her dad's French-Canadian, but her mother is Japanese. That's where she gets her looks from. Her grandparents still speak Japanese, even though they live over here now, so she was taught a bit of the language by them."

"Her grasp of the language is very good."

"Well, since she already knew some of it from home, she carried it on through school as a second language. She wants to be an interpreter for the UN, which means the more languages she's proficient in the better. She already knew French and English, so she's continued with Japanese though University, as well as Spanish."

"How did you meet her?"

"I met her actually in Boston. She was there for on a study break with a few of her friends. They're all in the same classes, so most of them were also studying Japanese. Suddenly I found a whole group of people I could talk to – it was great! We'd all gone on the re-enactment of the Boston Tea Party. Have you seen it? You really should! It was fun, though I spent more time talking to Annette, than listening to the history!"

Their coffee and cake arrived and Shuichi immediately tucked into the food, taking a big bite of the chocolate cake and smearing whipped cream over his upper lip. Yuki had to stop himself from leaning over to lick that frothy moustache away.

Shuichi swallowed and continued his story.

"Annette and her friends came and saw us play in Boston whilst they were there, so we got to know each other a little then, and during the day we sort of hung out together. I told her where we would be playing here in Quebec City and asked if she would come listen to us again. I didn't think she would. I hoped, but I really didn't believe she would."

Another big bite of cake, washed down by a gulp of coffee.

"Then on that first night we were here I saw her up the back, watching us. I almost forgot the lyrics! For some reason, it gave me a real strong sense of déjà vu! Don't know why."

I do, thought Yuki. It was like the first time I went and watched you play.

Shuichi carried on. "We started seeing more of each other then. She was just looking at getting a place of her own and couldn't afford much alone. None of her other friends wanted to move out, but I had decided I wanted to stick around for awhile, and had already got a couple of jobs, so we decided to get a place together. It's really nice, you know. We've even been talking about getting a cat, though she also wants a bird. I, personally, would be quite happy with a goldfish!"

Yuki's heart was hurting him. It felt like someone was slowly cutting it into tiny pieces. Every happy sentence Shuichi uttered was like a knife slicing another portion of his soul away. This picture of domesticity, of looking for a home together, decorating together, getting a pet together. Everything…together. Shuichi and Annette… together.

And Yuki was alone.

It was tearing him apart.

"Anyway, that's what I've been doing here. So, what did I use to do? I mean, back in Japan."

Yuki collected his thoughts quickly, taking a sip of his cooling coffee to give him a moment. How much did he need to tell Shuichi right now?

"You're the lead singer of a band." he said.

Shuichi's eyes widened. "Hey, cool! Really?"

"Yes."

"What's the band called?"

"Bad Luck."

"Wow! Though with a name like that, I guess we suck!"

"Actually, you are one of the biggest bands at the moment in Japan."

"Whaaat!" Shuichi's voice rose almost an octave in his astonishment.

Now that, thought Yuki, sounded just like the Shuichi he used to know.

"You've got to be kidding me!"

Yuki shook his head. "Not at all. Bad Luck is on the top of the charts."

"Double wow! And I'm really the lead singer?"

Yuki nodded. "Yeah."

"Wow!" That seemed to be all that Shuichi could get out at the moment. "So, who else is in the band?"

"Two others; a guitarist and a keyboardist."

"Hey, that's what I've been playing with on this trip here! 'Rattlegun' had the same combo! That is so cool!"

"Yes, it did seem like quite a coincidence."

"So, these two in the band. Who are they? How do I know them?"

"The guitarist's name is Hiroshi Nakano. He's actually your best friend. You've known him since school, and that's where you started the band originally."

"Hiroshi." Shuichi mused, then shook his head with a small shrug. "Sorry, can't recall him."

That's harsh, Yuki thought. Imagine Shuichi not remembering anything about Hiro after all his friend had been through with him.

"What about the keyboardist?"

"His name's Suguru Fujisaki. He joined 'Bad Luck' after you were signed up by NG productions."

"So we really do have a label?"

"Yeah, you do."

"Wow!" Shuichi played with the last portion of his cake on his plate, his eyes almost glazed with wonder at these startling revelations.

Suddenly, his eyes focused back on Yuki again. "So who are you? How do I know you?"

"I'm…." Yuki stopped. His voice couldn't continue. He couldn't tell Shuichi that he was his lover. He just couldn't. He couldn't bear to tell him that, only to have Shuichi say he didn't remember, that he felt nothing. Or worse, fled Yuki completely.

"I'm a….friend. My brother-in-law is the president of NG, so I know you and 'Bad Luck'."

"Oh, guess that's why you know so much about it all, and me."

"There's a lot of people worried about you back home, you know. Your family has been frantic. Can you remember anything about them, about your younger sister?"

Shuichi thought for a moment then shook his head. "Sorry, not a thing," He grimaced. "I know that must sound just so bad, and I'm sorry if I've made people worry, but I really just don't remember them."

"It's okay. It's not like it was your fault. Is it alright if I contact them and tell them that I've found you here?"

Shuichi thought about this for a long time, a frown creasing his forehead. "I ….don't know. I guess you should, shouldn't you? It's just a little….overwhelming right now. I suddenly have a family, a little sister, a band, a best friend, and all these other people, and not one of them I can remember! Doesn't really make me feel that good about myself."

Don't push him, Yuki thought to himself. Don't push too hard or you'll drive him away. Back off a little. "Do you want to think about it, and let me know tomorrow?" he said, trying to sound calm

Shuichi lifted his head and looked Yuki fully in the face, the tension visibly relaxing a little. "Yeah. Yeah, I think I need a little time with this. I….don't think I could handle anything more just now."

Yuki nodded. "All right. Call me tomorrow. I'll have to tell them soon, and they'll probably want to come here to see you. I know it will be a lot to deal with, but they really have missed you. They hadn't given up hope."

I didn't give up, Yuki thought. Ever.

Shuichi nodded agreement. "I know, but I just don't remember anything about them. If I'm so famous with this band, how come I don't remember anything about it!"

Yuki stood and reached into his coat pocket. Silently he pulled out the object there and placed it on the table. He pushed it towards Shuichi. "Here." he said gruffly, removing his hand. "This is yours."

Shuichi looked down at the ipod laying there. He looked up at Yuki, straining his head back to see the taller man who seemed to tower over his seated form. Yuki just stared down at him, his face completely expressionless.

"Listen to it - then call me."

Shuichi reached out slowly and picked up the ipod. Yuki turned away quickly, so the boy wouldn't see the tears in his eyes. "I'll talk to you later." and he walked away.

Shuichi watched him disappear into the darkness and felt a stab of loss. The feeling surprised him. Why? He stared at the spot Yuki had vanished from his view. Guess he was just sorry to see a person go who said they knew him.

He stood and slipped the ipod into his pocket. He had better get home, it was pretty late. He hoped Annette hadn't worried about him.


	17. Chapter 17

Title: The Key to My Heart: Chapter 18

Author: JadeHeart

Located/Archived: Found on & If anyone else would like it, please ask me first

Fandom: Gravitation

Rating: M

Warnings: angst, bad language

**Disclaimer: **I do not own the characters in this they belong to the creators of 'Gravitation', nor am I making any profits from this story.

Chapter 18

Shuichi closed the door softly behind him as he entered the apartment. On bare feet he padded silently down the hall to the bedroom. Peering in, he could see Annette was sleeping quietly in the bed they shared. He could just make out the shape of her body under the covers. He walked over closer to the bed, looking down. He was thinking about what he had just learnt from that man, Eiri Yuki.

Yuki, he thought. The man was damn attractive, no two ways about that. He didn't exactly look Japanese though, and he obviously smoked way too much. However, something about him seemed…

Shuichi shook his head. No, it just wasn't coming to him. As they had talked, the sound of his voice had sometimes seemed almost…..familiar, but Shuichi could never quite place it.

He continued to look down at Annette as she lay there breathing deeply, her long dark hair fanned out on the pillow around her. A flash of an image came to him. Not dark hair, but blonde and shorter, on a pillow close to his face, the scent subtle, not perfumed. Just as suddenly, it was gone. It didn't particularly bother him. He had become used to these sudden pictures springing into his mind when he least expected it, flashes that seemed to mean something to him. They always felt like they should be important, but he just couldn't place them, couldn't remember. It wasn't just the images on their own, either. Sometimes, the intensity of the emotions that would accompany them could be almost overwhelming. He had become adept at being able to maintain control when they assaulted his senses and mind. They had become just another part of his life, just an idiosyncrasy of himself.

At one time it had troubled him deeply. Not immediately after he had gained consciousness; his immediate concern then had been to get better, to just get out of hospital. Communication had been the biggest problem back then. That took up all his conscious thoughts, trying to speak to the hospital staff, to try and understand what had happened and where he was.

He had gone through a period of confusion, of intense mind numbing fear, and uncertainty. It had made him worry so much he had thrown himself into a deep depression, being immobilized in his hospital bed, unable to properly communicate with anyone. He had truly wished that he had died then. Living had just seemed too hard, and painful. He lost count of the number of days and nights he had cried himself to sleep.

But that time had passed. The sun still rose every morning, he still got breakfast every morning, and the hospital staff still came in and every day tried to speak more with him. He was extremely grateful to the hospital and everyone there, especially Dr Karancski. Without their constant support and encouragement, he would have stayed in that depression. He had wanted nothing more than to keep digging a deep dark hole to crawl into, but they wouldn't let him. They just kept throwing him a ladder for him to climb back out. They actually had him try and teach them some simple Japanese, which had been fun! So bit by bit, he had come back and began to look forward, to see that there was a future for him.

At that time he had thought he had somewhere to go when he left the hospital. There was an address that he could remember, so that is where he went. Arriving in New York had been exciting, yet daunting. He had caught a cab directly to the address, anywhere else was just too scary to contemplate at that point. It had been quite a shock to arrive there only to find it was nothing more than a derelict apartment building.

That was when he had felt so completely lost that the depression threatened to return. Where was he supposed to go? He couldn't remember anything else, not one thing! He had stood there in the street, completely in shock for a time, frozen with uncertainty.

Then self preservation had kicked in. Shelter and food were top most on the list. He had to go somewhere! Standing around in a street was not the place to be, no matter where you were. So he had to make some sort of decision.

He had to admit that he was probably the luckiest person in the world at that time, for whilst he had been standing in the street wondering where to go and how to get there, he had been questioned by a man passing by. The man had looked a little frightening, quite tough, muscles bulging, tattoos and piercings, but Shuichi was past the point of caring who he spoke to by this time. The man had known a little Japanese, as well as English. Between the two languages, he had established that Shuichi was looking for a place to stay. Realising that being somewhere that he could communicate a little more readily with people was pretty important, the man had directed Shuichi to Chinatown, even hailing a cab for him and providing him with a name of a cousin there.

That had been Shuichi's first big break. He had found his first job and been provided with a place to stay temporarily, until he could find something of his own. Shuichi had found that all his time was then taken up in establishing himself in this place, creating a niche for him. He was working most nights and days, trying to learn the language better, trying to understand the cultures, trying to **be** someone. He almost didn't have time to even think about anything else. By the end of each day, he would drag himself into bed and be asleep as soon as his head touched the pillow.

Sometimes he would wonder about himself. Who he was, why couldn't he remember, where did he come from, but the people around him didn't seem bothered by this lack. They never made him feel that he should know these things. He had made friends during this time, people he could spend time with, who seemed to like him just for himself, the way he was. He did think about trying to find out more about himself, but he found that he was happy doing what he was doing. The hospital had told him that his memories would probably come back to him with time and there was no point trying to rush things. There was really nothing he could do to force them to surface.

So his attitude was very much, it will happen when it will happen. Survival really did take precedence over past memories when it really came down to it. You can't live on memories alone!

Time had then just flowed by, days became weeks, weeks became months. There had just been so much going on all the time, especially once he had started with the band! After work had been spent practicing, sometimes till late at night, weekends were usually small gigs in the local neighbourhood. It had been a great time! He had loved every minute of it! He would feel exhausted by it all, but it was a good feeling!

So even though he did still think about his lack of a past, and at the beginning had often agonized about it, he had eventually let it go and concentrated on the present. If he had remembered anything, if something had come back to him, then he could pursue it at that time surely. There wasn't much point in trying to do something till then.

He remembered a psychologist once said to him that perhaps he was subconsciously afraid of confronting his past. Maybe he was even deliberately suppressing his memories because of something there. He hadn't liked to hear that, and had worried about it for weeks, until his friends had reassured him that even if that was the case, it didn't change who he was.

Now his past had finally caught up with him. In the form of Eiri Yuki.

Shuichi Shindou, he thought to himself. He repeated the name in his head a few more times. It still sounded like the name of a stranger, like someone else. He had been 'Shu Chan' for so long now that he couldn't think of himself in any other way. Everyone he knew now knew him as that. Everyone except people like Eiri Yuki. People who were supposed to have known him from…before.

So his name was Shuichi Shindou, was it? At least that's what Yuki had told him. He wasn't sure how much to believe of what Yuki had said. It had all seemed rather fantastical. He was a pop star and actually a rather successful one? He belonged to a band and was really well known in Japan? It didn't seem possible to him. It certainly didn't seem real.

When Yuki had mentioned his family and his sister's name, he had seen a quick flash of a picture of a young girl, but whether that image really was a memory of what his sister looked like he didn't know. What was a memory, and what was a fantasy? It just all seemed like a dream to him at the moment.

Yuki had seemed to know a lot about him. He seemed to be able to tell him all sorts of things about himself, what he did. He supposed Yuki must have been one of his friends back in Japan then, since he knew all that stuff.

Japan…even that didn't ring any bells for him. It just seemed like another foreign country. Yet it was supposed to be where he was born. It was his home, his real home. How would he feel if he went there? Did he want to go there?

He chewed his lip. He really wasn't certain about this. He'd said he'd talk to Yuki tomorrow. Well, actually, later today. It was already 5am, the darkness of the night fading as dawn approached. He'd sleep most of the morning away, probably into mid afternoon. His life for the most part was more nocturnal now. He had a lot of things to think about before then.

"Shu…." Annette murmured sleepily.

Shuichi gazed down at her. "It's okay." he reassured her quietly. "I'm going to sit up for a bit. Go back to sleep."

"Hmm." she mumbled, slipping back into slumber as he leant down and placed a gentle kiss on her cheek.

He went out and closed the door softly, before walking back to the sitting room. Their apartment was small; one bedroom, a tiny bathroom, kitchen and lounge all as one compact room. It was all that they both had been able to afford, but they had loved finding it. It had been really enjoyable moving in, setting up the place, finding furniture. Yes, he and Annette had had a lot of fun here.

It had been a big step for them both. Yes, it had been sudden, but what had begun as simply a convenient arrangement to share accommodation and a chance meeting with someone he could converse easily with, quickly became something more. Annette was easy to talk to, and she didn't seem to mind that he had no past to speak of. They had the same sense of humour, although she was more serious than him at times, but that was okay, she grounded him. They had settled into a nice comfortable pattern so easily. He had liked that.

He made himself a coffee and sat down on the old threadbare couch. Something jabbed his ribs from inside the pocket of his jacket. Reaching in, he pulled out the ipod Yuki had given him.

He could see the words 'Bad Luck' taped to it. He didn't think Yuki would go to those sort of lengths to deceive him about his past, by placing a band's name on an ipod. That seemed a little excessive. Although….Yuki seemed like a pretty intense kind of guy.

He shivered a little, not from cold, but something…else. A picture of Yuki appeared again in his mind. Golden hair, golden eyes, that piercing look. There had been something in Yuki's eyes, a look that Shuichi couldn't quite place, couldn't quite give a name for, but it was a look that made something inside him respond. How and why, he didn't know. He felt like he knew this man. Yet he didn't.

He looked at the ipod in his hand. Should he? Would he feel anything? Would he feel worse if he did? Would he expect too much?

Slowly, he lifted it to his ear and turned it on. The strains of music drifted through his auditory channels, the beat strummed through his nerves right to his finger tips. He didn't know the song, didn't know what it was called, he was certain of that. He leant his head back, closing his eyes, and began to hum along with it.

Shuichi blinked his eyes a couple of times, trying to bring them back into focus.

Where….? he thought muzzily.

He scrubbed at his eyes, feeling the grittiness built up there from his sleep. Yawning widely, he swung his legs around and sat up.

He had been lying on the couch. That's right, he must have fallen asleep there last night. Well, early this morning. A blanket had been tucked around him, and the ipod he remembered listening to, lay safely on the coffee table before him. Annette must have settled him when she got up to go to Uni. Shuichi smiled at that thought, then yawned again. Wonder what time it was?

He got up and stretched, feeling the vertebrae in his back creak and pop at the extension. He really should have made certain to grab a pillow if he was going to sleep on the couch, he thought. Scratching his chin, he made his way to the kitchen. He really needed a coffee! He glanced at the clock on the wall. It was reading 2.30pm.

He yawned again, leaning on the counter as he waited for the water to boil, still feeling sleepy. He knew he would wake up properly shortly. He took his steaming coffee back to the couch, wrapping both hands around the cup and sipping gratefully. Ah! Who ever invented coffee should have been made a saint!

He looked down at the ipod. He didn't remember if he had listened to it entirely. He did remember he at least turned it on, but where he had fallen asleep through it, he didn't remember.

His hand reached out to it, then stopped. No, he thought. Leave it for now. Firmly, he withdrew his hand.

He took his empty cup back to the kitchen, washing it quickly in the sink. Annette would be home in a few hours so he had some chores to do before then. They had agreed that chores, such as shopping and housework, would be evenly split between them. They were both busy people so it wasn't fair that only one of them was expected to do everything around the apartment as well. So it was by mutual agreement that whoever was home on their own, they would start doing what ever was needed to be done.

Shuichi turned to the fridge and opened it, peering at the contents. Good, he didn't need to actually go and do any shopping today. He pulled out some chicken and vegetables, before rummaging in the pantry for some spices. Yep, got everything I need, he thought with a smile. He was going to make Annette her favourite dish. He made a mean chicken curry!

He quickly got to work, so it would have time to simmer properly. It didn't take long, and he quickly cleaned up after himself. Living in a small space like this meant that you had to clean up immediately after yourself, or it quickly became untenable. It wasn't that difficult to get into the habit. He wiped his hands and looked around the kitchen. All done. Time for a shower.

He completed his morning ablutions, although it was mid-afternoon, feeling far more awake after showering and shaving. He rubbed his wet hair with a towel as he wandered back into the sitting room, walking over to pull the curtains back from the window. It was a lovely afternoon outside. He opened the window and leant on the sill, breathing in the fresh air deeply. This was good! he thought, relaxing.

So, he conversed with his inner self, What do I do now?

_I don't know, _it said back to him. _That's your decision_.

I found out a lot of stuff last night. I don't know whether to believe it or not.

_There's one way to find out_, it told him.

I know. I can meet all these people, my family. But would that really make me remember?

_Perhaps. Perhaps not. Do you want to remember?_

Of course I do!

_Really? _

Shuichi paused in his internal conversation, I….think I do.

_Maybe you're scared. Scared about what you might find out. _

Yuki didn't say that there was anything bad about me from my past.

_He might not know. He probably doesn't know everything about you. _

Well, yeah, I suppose that's true. He did say he just knew me because of the band.

_So there might be something about you that you might not like to find out. _

Okay, say there is. It's not like everyone hasn't got some secrets in their life. Most people have some sort of skeletons in their closet.

_You just have to hope that your skeletons are well and truly dead and buried, and not likely to come out rattling their bones! _

Yuk! What an image! Couldn't you come up with something a little more pleasant!

_Truth hurts! _

So, he mused, if I do tell Yuki he can let them know he's found me, what do you think will happen?

_They'll probably come here. Or expect you to go to Japan._

I'm not ready to go there yet. I like it here.

_You're scared of leaving your comfort zone._

And what if I am!

_Being scared isn't going to make any of it go away. It's still all going to be there, and eventually you're going to have to deal with it. One way or another._

I know, I know!

_You don't have to go to Japan._

Then that means that they'll come here.

_No doubt._

Who do you think would come?

_No idea. You'd have to wait until Yuki tells them and find out from him. _

I don't know if I want to talk to him again. I don't know if I want him to tell them.

_Even if you don't talk to him again, he will end up telling them. They've been looking for you for nearly six months, you can't expect him not to say something. He was being very understanding in giving you some time to think about things before calling your family. _

Yeah, I guess so. So do I talk to him?

_That's up to you._

But what should I do!

_How am I supposed to know! _

Well, you're me!

_So then you decide! _

You're no bloody help!

His inner voice shut up in a huff.

Great, now he's not even talking to himself!

With a sigh he turned away from the window. His mind was spinning. What should he do? Even if he didn't tell Yuki to call his family, he knew that Yuki would have to. He couldn't expect the man not to follow through with that. So either way, he was going to have people from his past turn up here, sooner or later. He could leave here, sure. He could run, but that meant leaving Annette, leaving Quebec City, leaving the only home he could call his own at the moment.

He didn't want to run. He had finally felt like he had made a place for himself, a place for Shu Chan.

Only now, he wasn't just Shu Chan. He was also Shuichi Shindou.

He sat on the couch, head in hands. He felt like the inside of his head was being pulled in two different directions. There wasn't enough room in his head for two people, and that is how it felt. Shu Chan and Shuichi Shindou were battling to see which won. He didn't even know which he wanted to win.

Part of him did want to know who he had been, what he had done before. He wanted those gaps bridged, those missing blanks filled in. Another part of him said it didn't matter because he had made a new life for himself, and so the past had no meaning in it.

Argh! He almost screamed in his mind, before heaving a deep sigh again. How come he could always drive himself mad when he was like this! Nothing like going into a flat spin in your thoughts as soon as you wake up to get the blood pumping!

He looked at the ipod. He snorted to himself and reached out to it. No point trying to keep putting it off. He had said he would talk to Yuki today, well, tonight. He had to come to some sort of decision, some form of agreement within himself about all this.

He leant back and turned on the ipod. As the music began to drift through his senses, he closed his eyes. He would make a decision later.


	18. Chapter 18

Title: The Key to My Heart: Chapter 19

Author: JadeHeart

Located/Archived: Found on & If anyone else would like it, please ask me first

Fandom: Gravitation

Rating: M

Warnings: angst, bad language, some sexual thoughts

**Disclaimer: **I do not own the characters in this they belong to the creators of 'Gravitation', nor am I making any profits from this story.

Chapter 19

Stupid!

Foolish!

Pathetic!

Idiotic!

Puerile!

Brainless!

Fucking!

Moron!

The words were in time with Yuki's long stride, fast and hard as his feet hit the pavement as though he was trying to break through the ground, to crush something beneath his feet.

Moron! Moron! Moron! MORON!

He didn't know who he meant - Shuichi or himself! Who was the moron here? Who was the one that was being a fool? Why didn't he just tell Shuichi who he really was? Why didn't he tell the boy that they had been living together, and had been for sometime now?

He was a coward! A coward through and through. He didn't say anything because he didn't want to be rejected. Him! Eiri Yuki afraid of a kid barely out of his teens rejecting him! He should have just grabbed the kid and kissed him senseless!

Fucking brat!

He looked up to take note of where he had come to. His angry feet had taken him directly to a club that was still open; in fact it never closed since it ran twenty-four hours. It was a dingy place, a bit of a dive, and a girly bar to boot. Yuki stalked down the stairs, ducking his head under the hanging signs. He didn't care what sort of place it was. He just wanted a drink!

He opened the door and entered the darkness, brushing through the heavy smoke that made his own fingers itch for a cigarette. He pushed his way to the bar, not caring how rude he was. A few angry mutters, curses, and some swearing followed his path. One large man tried to grab his arm, threatening him, but a swift glare from Yuki's cold golden eyes, narrowed in anger, was enough for the man to loosen his grip and allow Yuki to continue on unimpeded.

He reached the bar and sat, motioning to the bar girl. "Scotch. Double." he said, hand fishing into his coat and finding his cigarette packet and lighter. As he lit one, his drink appeared before him. He tossed some money onto the counter and said, "Keep 'em coming.", before picking up the glass and taking a long swallow.

The fiery liquid slid down his throat, burning a trail as it went. Yuki felt it hit his stomach. Hard. He hadn't eaten all that day. He hadn't been able to. His impending meeting with Shuichi tonight had put his stomach in knots the whole time and Yuki knew that there was no way he could keep any food down.

He took another long drink, the ice cubes shifting and settling as he returned the glass to the bar. He knew he hadn't been looking after himself. Food, sleep, those were all secondary irritations at the moment. Had been for some time. When he started to get dizzy and lose his focus, he would remember to feed his body. Without Tohma there to badger him, he hadn't really bothered much with looking after himself.

He let out a snort. Wouldn't bloody Tohma love to know that! He threw back the last of the alcohol and thumped the glass down hard on the top, ice rattling.

Damn Tohma! He was always so calm, so in control. Nothing ever got in his way. Nothing ever didn't go the way he wanted it to. Yuki drew on the last of his current cigarette. Well, nothing except for Yuki.

He stubbed out his cigarette and before he could get irate, another drink appeared almost miraculously before him. He thought he could get to like this place - they knew how to look after their patrons.

He reached out for the drink and picked it up, taking a swallow immediately. He couldn't feel the sting of the alcohol any more. Now it just felt smooth as it cascaded down his throat. It was creating a nice warm glow inside him, beginning in his stomach and permeating outwards.

He lit another cigarette, turning around so he could lean his back against the bar. The scene before him could have been one from Hell. The smoke was thick, the multi-coloured lighting filtering through the haze seemed broken and danced crazily. Bodies on the floor moved, some in time to the music, others in time to some insane beat inside themselves. It was a seething, writhing, mass of movement like a cess pool.

Barely clad girls gyrated and paraded across the raised walkways, dotted around the room. Breasts jiggled, arse cheeks thrust out. The dancing was nothing more than simulated sexual acts, both singly, and sometimes together. Drooling men hovered around these succubus feet, looking up with glazed eyes filled with lust. Fantasing about what they would never have, delusions of their own sexual prowess stimulating them further as hands reaching greedily upwards, trying to touch what they could not afford.

Yuki snorted again. Pathetic fucking fools, he thought. He had no interest in the scene before him. The writhing female forms meant nothing to him. He could appreciate a few of them for their pleasing feminine shape but that was it. He had never had to come to these type of places to try and get his kicks, and he certainly had never had to pay for female company. He had always had more than enough of that if he had wanted to indulge himself, and he had, numerous times, in the past.

Until he met Shuichi.

He bit down so hard on his cigarette it broke in his mouth. Damn it! He spat out the end, bringing up a hand to wipe his mouth. Damn it to hell! He swung around and grabbed his drink, downing the last of it all in one go and pushed the empty glass towards the girl behind the bar. He grabbed another cigarette and lit it.

Shuichi. He took a long drag on his smoke, as another drink was set before him. That kid had just turned up in his life so unexpectedly. Yuki hadn't known anything about him. All he had felt was irritation, annoyance that his life had been disrupted. He took another drink, feeling the warmth now beginning to reach his limbs. Not just disrupted, but completely and utterly turned upside down! That damn kid had swept into his life and suddenly Yuki hadn't known what was going on anymore! How could someone so young, so small, cause such huge damn changes!

If you looked at Shuichi, there was nothing special about him. Okay, he was damn good looking, but nothing that special. Yuki had met plenty of 'beautiful' people, both men and women. Hell, people called him 'beautiful'! So, no, beauty wasn't that special.

So the kid had talent. So what? So do other people. Shuichi had a talent for singing, Yuki had a talent for writing. Talent wasn't everything, and it was quite often dependent upon the public. If the public didn't like you any more, no matter how much talent you poured into your medium, you would be all washed up.

So beauty and talent were nothing. There was nothing special about either. So what had been special about Shuichi? How had he managed to squirm his way so deeply into Yuki's life like he had?

Right from the start, Yuki didn't understand why he had let the boy do that. He was an old hand at rebuffing unwanted attentions, getting rid of irritating annoyances in the form of hanger-on-ers, or obsessed fans. Having someone throw themselves at him was nothing new to him. It had never fazed him. He could, and had, easily cut them down to size, would leave them in a broken pile of shattered illusions, and do it without a thought. But Shuichi….

Shuichi had just kept turning up in his life. It was as though, after that initial meeting in the park, Fate conspired to keep bringing them together, pushing them towards each other.

When Shuichi had jumped out in front of his car on that rainy night, he almost hadn't stopped in time. Not because he had wanted to run the damn brat over, though it did cross his mind, but more it was the complete surprise of seeing him standing there, outlined in his head lights as he was speeding towards him. Thank gods he had just had the car serviced and the brakes replaced! Yuki was pretty hard on cars usually.

So why didn't he just leave Shuichi there in the rain that night? He had stopped, he hadn't hit the kid, so why had he felt compelled to take him back to his home? That was unlike him, even back then. And things just kept rolling from there.

Why had he been the one to kiss Shuichi first? Even after telling the kid that he wasn't interested, that he wasn't even gay so why would he be attracted to another guy. Why had he done that?

Because he hadn't been able to help himself. That look in Shuichi's eyes, a look that Yuki didn't even know what it meant, drove him to do it. And from that point on, there was going to be no turning back.

Yuki had rebelled against that feeling of Fate. He wasn't going to have his life dictated by some abstract principle of how the world should be. He had fought long and hard against that pull. He had fought, until he could fight no longer. And in succumbing, he had found a life that he had never thought he would ever possess.

Another drink was placed beside his hand, the empty one whisked from sight. His fingers clasped around it, bringing it to his mouth.

Damn him! Damn them both!

Why didn't Shuichi remember him! How could he not, for gods' sakes! The kid had pursued him with such single minded determination before! No matter what anyone had said or done, he had been determined to be with Yuki. How could all that be gone!

This time, as he slammed his drink down it toppled over, spilling the alcohol onto the top, ice cubes swirling in the puddle. Yuki watched them spin, teeth clenched.

It wasn't gone! There was no way it was gone! Shuichi would never be able to just turn his back on all that! It was all still there, somewhere, buried inside him. Yuki was going to get it out!

A cloth swept into view and cleared the damage away, and another glass was placed before him. Yuki reached for it. He knew he was drunk. Copious amounts of pure alcohol poured into a body weakened by lack of food and sleep, made for a quick route to inebriation. Yuki knew that he would suffer for it the next morning. This morning. Especially as alcohol would only aggravate his already renewed ulcer. No, morning was not going to be a pleasant time, but Yuki didn't care. He just wanted to get drunk now.

A heavy hand fell on his shoulder, bringing him out of his thoughts. Turning his head, he glared at the man standing behind him; young, tall and good looking.

"How are you doing?" the man said in a slightly slurred voice, indicating his own drunken state.

"Piss off." Yuki snarled, turning back to his drink. He began to lift his glass to his lips when another hand wrapped around his, halting the motion.

"Ah, come on, gorgeous." The man lent in closer to Yuki so his cheek was almost brushing against Yuki's face, his chest pressed up against Yuki's back.

"I said, fuck off! I'm not interested!"

"Sure you are. You wouldn't be this cute and come here if you weren't. So don't play coy. I've been watching you since you came in. If anyone needed to get laid, it's you."

The man leant closer again, his other arm sliding around Yuki's waist. "I could make you feel real good." the soft voice whispered in his ear, warm breath caressing the skin. "I'll even give you a discount price since you're so beautiful."

It had been a long time, Yuki thought. A long time since he had felt a warm body close to his, the touch of bare skin rubbing against his. It had been a long time since he had felt hands touching him, tracing the outline of his muscles, ghosting across his skin so the hairs rose in goose-bumps.

He closed his eyes. It had been a long time since he had felt warm lips pressed against his, tongue trailing down his neck, nipping at his ear….

The warmth in his belly began to bank. It had been so long since he had felt another's body lying over his, hands touching everywhere, stroking him, making his body break out in a sweat from their touch.

It had been a long time since he had pushed inside the warm depths of another, felt that tightness, felt the pounding of blood thundering through his veins as he drove himself higher…..faster……harder, towards climax.

It had been a long time…..since he had been with Shuichi.

He let go of the glass in his grip, ignoring it as it fell to bounce on the bar, and jabbed backwards with his other elbow, sending the man behind staggering away.

Angrily, he spun around on his stool, getting to his feet, glaring at the man who had been touching him so familiarly. His eyes glittered with rage. How dare this ….thing…think they could replace Shuichi!

He drew back his fist and let fly. He didn't really feel the impact. He did see the spray of blood as his fist connected with a nose, and the man's head snapped back as he dropped with a cry.

Yuki was breathing heavily, his stomach churning with rage. He turned away and began to stalk towards the door, ignoring the bouncers that had appeared to control the situation. They gave him a wide berth as he departed.

Yuki squinted as he mounted the stairs to the street. He held a hand across his eyes to shut out the worst of the light. It was daylight now, the night had faded away. Yuki was beginning to feel sick, his hand beginning to throb. He glanced down at it, the knuckles showing signs of swelling. He snorted and turned to stagger towards his hotel. He desperately needed a shower. Probably after he had thrown his guts up.

Damn Shuichi!


	19. Chapter 19

Title: The Key to My Heart: Chapter 20

Author: JadeHeart

Located/Archived: Found on & If anyone else would like it, please ask me first

Fandom: Gravitation

Rating: M

Warnings: angst, bad language

**Disclaimer: **I do not own the characters in this, except that of Annette who is my original character. All other main characters belong to the creators of 'Gravitation', and I am not making any profits from this story.

Chapter 20

Annette checked the mail box, pulling out the few envelopes stuffed inside. She glanced over them as she mounted the stairs. Junk, junk, bill, letter from her cousin in England, junk. Not too bad, only one bill to worry about this month. She pushed them into her bag, rummaging around on the bottom to find her keys. She could hear singing drifting down the stairwell. She paused, listening. Her eyes widened a little as she recognized the voice. It was Shu!

She hurried her pace, still listening. She didn't know the song, it was in Japanese, but she liked it! How did Shu know it? She almost began to run up the remaining stairs, her tiredness forgotten; that sultry, silken voice drifting on the air spurring her onwards, growing louder as she drew nearer. He sounded so good!

She pushed her key in the lock and opened up, dropping her bag to the floor near the door. She could see Shu in the sitting room. He was pushing a mop along, almost dancing with it, hips gyrating, swinging it around like a microphone. She watched him dance with his eyes closed and she could picture him on a stage, bright lights shining down on him.

Silhouetted as he was against the open window, with the afternoon sun streaming in from behind, it made him seem like an angel. Admittedly, a pop music angel, but an angel none the less.

She watched him breathlessly and was completely mesmerized by his actions, as he swung effortlessly from the end of one song into the next, the words spilling from his mouth filling the apartment, drifting into the outside air. No doubt their neighbours would complain about the noise but at this moment there was nothing in this world that could have made her do anything to stop this glorious sight and sound. The image of Shu, the sound of his voice, held her in place, and she felt her heart being lifted up, higher and higher, as though she would be able to touch the sun.

Watching him, listening to him, she found herself falling in love with him all over again. And yet…a small voice deep inside her whispered that he was completely out of her reach. Shu had surely transcended the mortal realm, and was now one of the heavenly choir. Soon he would cast off his shackles that confined him to this place, and he would be gone, leaving her behind to only gaze at his beauty from afar.

She couldn't stop the tears spilling from her eyes, and running down her cheeks. Tears at the beauty that was before her, at what she was hearing, and what her heart feared could not be hers.

Shu swung around in a full circle, mop spinning around with him, water droplets spraying outwards in a glittering spiral. He suddenly came to a halt, almost over balancing, as he spotted her standing silently at the door. He reached up and pulled the earphones away, turning off the ipod he had been listening to.

"Hi!" he cried as he slid across the floor to her in his sox, and caught her in a quick hug. "Oops!" he said, as the mop nearly tangled in their legs and dumped them both on the ground.

"Have a good day?" he asked, moving away to put the mop safely in the bathroom to dry.

"Yes, it was fine." She found her voice. "What was that you were singing?"

"Hmmm?" Shu said, as he wandered back, kicking the small floor rug back into place and then moving into the kitchen.

"The song," Annette said, leaning down and straightening the rug properly so the edges were smoothed down and making less of a trip hazard. "What is it?"

"Don't know." Shu said, taking the lid off the pot and sniffing.

The aroma of the curry drifted through the room and Annette couldn't help but pause to savour the smell as well. Hmm, chicken curry, yum! She pulled her mind back to the conversation. Shu was busily stirring the pot, raising the spoon to his lips and taking a little taste. "How come you were singing it then?"

Shu put the lid back on the pot and leant his elbows on the counter to look at her, face serious. "Annette, we need to talk."

Her heart stopped for a moment. She took a calming breathe, moving to take a seat on the couch so she could still watch him from that position. "Okay. What about? Is it about last night?"

Shu nodded. "Yeah. I found out some things."

"Like what? Good things?"

"Actually, yes." he said with a smile then gave a small shrug. "At least, nothing bad so far."

"So that man, the one from the other night, he does know you."

"Seems to,"

"Then tell me. What did he say?"

"Well," Shu moved to walk over and sit beside her, leaning back against the couch. "He told me my name for starters."

"Which is?"

"Shuichi Shindou."

"Shuichi Shindou." Annette mused on it. "It seems very formal."

Shu shrugged. "Guess so. Perhaps because it just sounds a little strange. Though that does explain why I remembered myself as 'Shu'. It is part of my name so I guess it was probably a bit of a nickname."

"I think you're right. So that's a good thing, isn't it?"

"Yep! That's all good! The other thing, and this you're just not going to believe, he told me I belong to a band."

"Well, of course, I believe it, Shu! Remember, that's how we met in the first place!"

"Yeah, I know, but I mean that I belong to a good band. We're famous."

Annette just looked at him. Part of her nearly laughed at that statement. Shu? Famous? But then a flash of seeing him just now as he sang, how amazing he had been - maybe it wasn't such a silly idea at all. Maybe there was a lot more truth to it than she had at first realized.

"How famous?" she asked.

"According to Yuki, the band has been on the top of the charts for a long time. We're one of the biggest in Japan."

"Gosh." she said, sitting back herself, looking forward, thinking about it.

Shu's arm wrapped around her shoulders, pulling her against him, "I know it sounds pretty fantastic, but this Yuki didn't seem like he was making it up at all. He said that he knows me and the band because his brother-in-law is president of the music label that promotes the band."

"So that song?"

Shu held out the ipod to her. She took it and read the words 'Bad Luck' tagged on it. "Yuki gave it to me. It's the songs from the band."

Annette looked up at him. "So you remember them."

Shu shook his head, his brow creasing as he frowned. "Actually, no."

"But you were singing, just now when I came home. You were singing along to this."

"I know, I know I was. I don't know why, but when I hear the music, when the song starts playing I just seem to know the words, they just come pouring out of me, I can't stop them. But once I turn it off…" Shu held out one hand, palm up. "I can't remember a single word of any of them."

Annette looked at his face, seeing his worry, then glanced back down at the ipod. "Perhaps," she said, looking back up to his face. "You just need to spend more time listening to this. Obviously you do know it. I saw you, Shu, just now. You were fantastic. I really could believe you being on stage, singing these songs. You were that good."

He smiled down at her. "Thanks."

"I'm not just trying to flatter you." she said seriously, handing him back the ipod. "These songs are obviously very important to you. They were obviously a big part of your life at one time, and you do you remember them on some level. So that means that your memories are still there, and maybe they're starting to come back a bit. If you keep listening to this and just letting it prompt your mind, you might remember a lot more."

"Think so?"

"Well, it's worth a try, isn't it?" she said, leaning up to brush a quick kiss on his cheek. Shu put the ipod back on the table, eyes remaining fixed on it. "So, do you feel like a famous singer?"

Shu let out a laugh. "Not one bit!"

Annette looked up at him. His eyes were shining with excitement again. "So, what else did this man tell you?"

"Yuki. His name's Eiri Yuki."

"Okay, so what else did Yuki tell you?"

"He says he knows my family. That I've got a younger sister, and my best friend is actually in the band with me."

"What's the band called?"

"Bad Luck."

"What an odd name!"

"I thought so to. I wonder who came up with it?" Suddenly he looked horrified. "Geez! I hope it wasn't me! What the hell was I thinking!"

Annette giggled at the expression on his face. "Oh, come on, Shu! It doesn't matter, does it? If you're already famous, no body obviously minds what the band is called. Maybe calling it that actually staved off bad luck for you."

"Hey, you might be right." he said with a broad smile, looking down at her. "Perhaps I should say something along those lines if I'm in an interview about the band. Think it would make me sound pretty deep and meaningful?"

Annette playfully poked him in the ribs. "Only to those who don't know you!"

Shu laughed, dropping a light kiss on her forehead. She snuggled deeper into his embrace. "So," she said. "What happens now?"

"I told Yuki I would call him tonight." He paused for a moment. "I need to give him an answer about letting people know back in Japan that he's found me."

He felt Annette tense in his arm, then relax again with a soft sigh. "Of course, you do. If he's been looking for you, and you've got family back in Japan, they must have been frantic not knowing where you were for all this time."

"I know, but it just seems so…..strange. From suddenly not having anyone to worry about except you and me, now I've accumulated all these other people."

"But you can't not tell them."

"Yeah. That's what I'm going to speak to Yuki about. I'll tell him he can let them know that I'm here, and that I'm okay."

Annette raised her head. "They'll want to see you."

Shu refused to look at her. "Maybe."

"Shu." she said firmly. He sighed, and looked down to meet her eyes. "You know they will. How could they not want to? They've obviously been looking for you all this time, otherwise why would this Yuki be here? You don't think he just casually fell over you outside the club, do you?"

"No, no, I don't think that."

"Then stop being so selfish. He's obviously spent a long time trying to find you and it couldn't have been easy. You've got to let him know that he can call your family so they don't have to be worrying any longer. I hate to think of what they must have been going through all this time."

"I do feel sort of bad about it, honestly I do." Shu said, a little uncomfortably. "But at the same time, it still just doesn't seem quite real. It doesn't seem like it has anything to do with me."

Annette leant up and placed a quick kiss on the underside of his chin. "I know, but it will be alright. Even if you don't remember straight away, being with your family and friends would have to help. It'll be okay. I'm sure of it."

"You reckon?"

"Sure, why not?" she said as she untangled herself from his hold and stood. She made her way into the kitchen, opening a cupboard and pulling a couple of bowls out.

"Don't worry about it." she said, looking over to where Shu was still sitting. "Speak to Yuki tonight and see what he has to say. Until he speaks with your people back in Japan, he's not going to know much more anyway. So why don't we just take it from there when we get some more information?"

Shu looked over at her with a crooked smile. "How come you are just so damn practical?"

She smiled back at him impishly. "Because one of us has to be! If I let you worry too much, you start bouncing off the walls! Now come and eat! This smells good!"

Laughing, Shu joined her in the kitchen and they dished up their meal. After they had finished, they quickly cleaned up before moving back to the sitting room. Annette sat on the floor and pulled out some of her study books.

"Before I get started on these, would you do something for me?" she asked Shu.

He looked up from the magazine he was flicking through. "What?"

"Would you sing those songs? The ones on that ipod?"

Shu looked at the said object still resting on the table. "Why?"

"What do you mean 'why'?" she said with a frown. "Because I liked the one I heard, dummy! I'd like to hear it all the way through this time, and I think I'd like to hear any others on it as well!"

"Aren't you supposed to be studying?" he asked even as he reached for the ipod.

"This is."

"How do you figure that?"

"You'll be singing in Japanese, right?"

"Ah, I guess so, yes."

"So, I'll say this was part of my cultural language studies!" she smiled cheekily at him.

He laughed at her, turning the ipod on. "Fine!" he said, standing up and moving to a clear space of the floor.

"Oh, hold on a sec!" Annette scrambled to her feet and raced into the kitchen. Shu watched her rummaging around in a drawer, and then she came running back to him, holding up a wooden spoon with a wide smile. "You forgot your microphone."

He choked on his laughter. "This is my microphone!" as he reached out and took it.

She shrugged as she released her hold on the implement and turned to sit back down on the floor. "Well, I didn't think you'd want my hairbrush!"

He laughed again and threw his head back, feeling nothing but happiness as the strains of the music filled the room. Closing his eyes, he let the music flow through him, feeling his body begin to move with the beat. He opened his mouth and began to sing. In his minds eye there were flashing lights, a pounding rhythm, sounds of excited screams, and the presence of two others by his side creating this maelstrom of sound.

Annette sat on the floor and watched. She could do nothing else but watch, mouth slightly opened in an expression of astonishment, and of wonder. Shu was glorious; just purely and simply glorious.

He was a music god!


	20. Chapter 20

Title: The Key to My Heart: Chapter 21

Author: JadeHeart

Located/Archived: Found on & If anyone else would like it, please ask me first

Fandom: Gravitation

Rating: M

Warnings: angst, bad language

**Disclaimer: **I do not own the characters in this, except that of Annette who is my original character. All other main characters belong to the creators of 'Gravitation', and I am not making any profits from this story.

Chapter 21

Yuki opened his eyes with a groan.

The room was thankfully dim. Not dark because it was night, but dim due to the curtains being drawn, blocking out the daylight. He rolled onto his back, the movement eliciting another drawn out moan he couldn't hold back. He brought an unsteady hand up to cover his eyes. His head was pounding. He could feel it pulsing against his hand, his forehead clammy to his touch. He felt like shit!

He ran his tongue over dry lips. They were rough and cracked under its furry touch. He tried swallowing, and nearly choked. His throat was completely parched, so dry it felt like rough sandpaper. Ah, fuck! he muttered to himself. He would have to get up to get something to drink. He tried to swallow again, and was just as unsuccessful. He could conjure up no saliva in his mouth at all.

With another moan he rolled to his side, propping himself up on one elbow. He rubbed a hand over his eyes, feeling the grittiness caked there, the rough stubble on his cheeks. He raked a hand through his hair, the greasy locks catching on his fingers. Gods, he felt so god-damn fucking awful!

He forced himself to a sitting position, swinging his feet to the floor. That effort alone had been enough to make him break out in a sweat, his heart thumping. He dropped his aching head into his hands, resting elbows on his knees for support. Fuck, his head hurt!

He couldn't remember much about getting back to his hotel, but he had obviously managed it. He could remember he had wanted to shower - and throw up. Well, he had managed one of the two; the throwing up part. He could remember staggering to the bathroom as soon as he had entered the room and being violently ill. So ill, that every retch had drained more and more of his strength, until he had huddled on the floor clasping the ceramic bowl with both arms.

After that, it had been all he could do to peel off his clothes and fall onto the bed. He had slept completely naked, a state he was still in.

With another heartfelt groan, he forced himself to his feet, one hand resting on the bedside table for support. His legs wobbled dangerously under him. They felt like they would give way any minute, and dump him unceremoniously on his naked butt. He scowled, and then grimaced, for that expression stretched the already taut skin across his aching forehead. Taking a deep breath, he staggered unsteadily to the bathroom, maintaining contact with the wall for support.

He reached in and turned on the taps to the shower, before doing the same at the basin. He splashed the cold water over his flushed face, shivering at the contact. Cupping a handful, he swirled the water around in his mouth, allowing the moisture to re-hydrate the desiccated flesh. He gargled, letting the coolness penetrate further down his throat. He could feel the tautness begin to ease and relax. Ah! That felt so much better!

He stepped into the shower, leaning forward and letting the wall support him, as the soothing water cascaded down his back. It had been a long time since he had drunk like that. He generally never drank to the point of oblivion; he didn't like losing that much control. If he did intend to drink that much he would usually call Tohma over. That way he knew there was someone there to take care of him, and he could then afford to let go. He never did this sort of thing on his own!

Damn it! Where was Tohma when he fucking needed him! The bastard spent his whole life sticking his nose in Yuki's business when he wasn't wanted! Now, when Yuki needed him, he wasn't there! Fuck him!

Yuki knew he was being unreasonable, but he didn't care. His head hurt, his body hurt, he felt sick, and he hated the world! How the fuck did he end up like this!

He knew exactly how.

Shuichi! Bloody Shuichi! Fucking, moronic, idiotic Shuichi!

It was his fault! All his fucking fault! He turns up, looking and acting like he used to, and then fucking turns into someone else! Fucking 'Shu Chan'! What a fucking stupid name is that! That moron couldn't even give himself something decent to be called by! He wanted to wrap his hands around that scrawny neck and throttle frigging 'Shu Chan'! Fuck, fuck, FUCK!

Suddenly, an overwhelming sensation of pain exploded in his mind penetrating his thoughts. Looking down, he saw the trail of bright red blood trickling down the tiles before him. Unawares, he had been punching the wall in time to his thoughts. For a moment he stood mesmerized, as he watched the red stream slide downwards to swirl in the water on the tiled floor, before disappearing down the drain.

Feeling suddenly came rushing back into his abused hand. Ouch!

He grabbed it back, cradling it, as he examined the wound. He had split the skin over the knuckles. Gingerly he opened his fingers, and then closed them into a fist. He winced. It hurt, but he didn't think he had broken it. He looked at his other hand. It still had some swelling and bruising from its brief adventure earlier that morning.

God damn it! He sighed in defeat. He was a fucking fool!

He finished washing himself, stepping out and wrapping a towel around his waist. He picked up his abandoned clothes from the day before, distaste wrinkling his nose at the smell emanating from them. He carried them straight to the laundry bag. Thankfully they would be cleaned up by tomorrow.

Heading back into the bedroom, he poured a glass of water and gulped it down. Not enough, reaching for the bottle instead and tipping it to his mouth. He stood there for a long moment, swallowing the refreshing liquid. Two liters later, he dropped the empty bottles in the bin. He felt a little bloated from so much fluid, but he felt so much better for it also.

He walked to the balcony door, hand automatically snagging his cigarettes and lighter as he passed by the table. The cool air felt good against his skin as he stood there. He knew he couldn't stay out too long, standing just in a towel. The coolness might seem refreshing now, but it would most likely cause him to catch a severe chill if he wasn't careful, but for the moment it felt good. He drew on his cigarette, relaxing a little as he felt the buzz of nicotine course through his body. Ah, so much better!

The sun had almost disappeared. He watched the sky slowly darken, as night crept fugitively across the heavens, stealing the light like a thief. He watched as tiny lights all across the city began to flicker into life, little beacons piercing the darkness as though calling to each other.

What was Shuichi doing right now? Yuki wondered. Was he, too, looking at this sight? Did he see the same lights? Was Shuichi behind one of those lights?

Yuki still didn't know where Shuichi was living or even have a phone number to contact him. It hadn't seemed right for him to ask when Shuichi hadn't offered. His teeth clamped onto the cigarette in his mouth. He didn't want to think of Shuichi living with that girl!

He dropped the finished cigarette to the ground, leaving it to burn out, and turned and went back inside. He had better get dressed. Just in case. Why did he feel so uncertain? Surely Shuichi would call him?

Though, a small voice inside him said, perhaps not. Perhaps that's why Shuichi hadn't given Yuki any means to contact him. If Shuichi didn't call, Yuki would have no choice but to go back to searching for him. His stomach clenched, nearly enough for him to throw up again. No, not again!

Shuichi would call! He wouldn't turn his back on finding out about himself. But what if he decided he wanted to do just that? Forget it all, start anew? How many people would kill to have the opportunity to do just that? Start their life over, be someone else, forget everything that had gone before. To not make the same mistakes, fix things, do things differently. It must be tempting. Yuki could appreciate that.

Would Shuichi take that path? Maybe. Yuki had to admit he didn't know what Shuichi would choose to do. The old Shuichi, yes, he would have said he could have picked with certainty. The new Shuichi, this 'Shu Chan' - this one he didn't know.

He pulled on some casual clothes; slacks, shirt, and jacket. Looking down, he ran his hand over the other clothes still crowding his bag. Shuichi's clothes. Would he ever be able to give them to him? He couldn't just walk up to him and hand them over like nothing had happened. How would he even explain why he had them in the first place! No, the time had to be right before he could do that. So he would hang onto them for a while longer.

He glanced at his watch. It was getting later. Would he call? Had he listened to the ipod? Did that make him remember – anything?

Yuki lit another cigarette. He should eat something he knew, even though his stomach was rebelling at the idea. He glanced through the menu, looking for something light, before settling on an omelette and salad. He called room service, as well as making arrangements for his laundry to be done.

He had taken precautions when booking in that he used his real name, not his pen name. Previously, all the bookings had been under Tohma's name, so no-one would have been able to easily trace their whereabouts via the accommodation bookings. However, once Tohma had left, Yuki needed to make certain he maintained a low profile. All Yuki's official documents still listed him under his family name, so it made it quite easy. So far, no-one seemed to have recognized him, for which he was thankful.

Actually, he thought, he really should find out from his publishers if his books were sold in Canada, and if so, how were the sales here. After staying here for this time, he was now curious about that.

His meal arrived and he sat down to eat. He had a hard time making himself take that first bite. He toyed with the food on his plate, pushing it around, jabbing it, before finally bringing a forkful to his mouth and chewed. His stomach lurched as the first mouthful reached it. He sat still for a moment until it subsided. After that it was easier, and he felt his appetite returning.

He looked at his watch as he finished. It was getting later. When would Shuichi call?

Just then he heard the ringing. His cell phone. Where….? He looked around frantically. Where was the damn thing! He checked his pockets. No. Where? Tossing a few papers aside, he discovered it buried under his coat on the floor. Grabbing it, he pressed the button, hoping it hadn't already switched to the message bank.

"Hello?"

"Ah, Yuki? Is that you?" The voice questioned, a little hesitant.

"Yes, Shuichi," He had called.

A small sigh. "Good. Look, I've been thinking about last night."

So have I, Yuki thought. I wonder what have you decided?

"I know you have to let people know back…in Japan. So I don't mind if you tell my family."

"Only your family? What about your band?" Yuki asked.

"Um, well, I guess you can. I just don't want a lot of strangers knowing yet."

Strangers, that was how Shuichi viewed them all. Even him.

"Alright. I'll just tell your family and the band."

"Yeah, I guess that's okay. Thanks for doing that."

"Not a problem. How….how can I get in touch with you? To let you know what they say?"

There was a pause. "You…you could meet me at the club, I guess. I'm working there all this week. I start about 9pm, but I usually get there about an hour earlier."

"Can we…talk again….tonight?" Yuki asked, trying not to sound too eager, too desperate.

"I …suppose so." Then Shuichi's voice got stronger. "Yes, that'll be fine."

"Then I'll see you later."

Yuki stood looking at the silent phone in his hand. At least he had called, even if he didn't sound that keen. Could he blame him? Shuichi was being pushed rapidly into something he wasn't at all sure he wanted to get involved in. It was asking the boy to take a great leap of faith in all this.

Shuichi also hadn't seemed that keen on letting Yuki see him again. That hurt. At least, he had finally agreed to the meeting in the end.

So, Yuki thought, who should I call?

Shu put down the phone.

"How did it go?" Annette called from the bedroom. She had left to give him some privacy.

"Fine." he called back "He'll tell me later what's going on."

"Good." Annette walked into the sitting room, towel wrapped around her head from her shower. She sat on the floor and picked up a pen. "Are you ready?" she asked, looking up at him.

"I'll just grab my things." which he did, returning in a moment. "Don't wait up for me." he said, leaning over and dropping a kiss to her upraised lips.

"Don't be too late." she replied with a smile.

"I'll try not to be." and he left.

As he made his way to the club, he thought back on his conversation with Yuki. He had stood by the phone looking at Yuki's card for a long time, almost afraid to pick up the handset and dial.

He didn't know why he had felt like that. The man had been nice to him, not overly talkative, but Shu was used to people telling him that he talked enough for everyone else as well. It had been a pretty awkward situation for everyone, he guessed.

Finally he had taken his courage in both hands and called. The phone had rung and rung. He had almost hung up, when a voice had answered a little breathlessly. He recognized it immediately. Yuki. For some reason, he felt his heart leap at the sound.

He had felt a little hesitant speaking to Yuki. What, after all, could he really say? Of course he had to let Yuki tell his family he was okay. He knew that. He had known that right from the moment that Yuki had appeared and told him that he knew his past. He had just been trying to find ways to avoid it, however illogical it had been to do so. So what else could he say, except to give Yuki the go ahead to make the call.

So, there. It was done. His family in Japan would be told. Soon he would know what the next step would be. The whole thing had sent butterflies fluttering madly in his stomach. Big butterflies. Elephant sized butterflies, that threatened to clamber up his throat and choke him. The vision he was getting of that was truly terrifying!

Then Yuki had asked for a way to contact him. That had almost stopped his voice. He hadn't been expecting it, so he hadn't quite known what to say. Why had that question sent a rush of conflicting emotions through his soul? Feelings of anticipation and excitement, and yet nervousness and fear. Of course, Yuki would need to speak to him again. The man was trying to get things organized and Shu knew he wasn't helping things any with his evasions. He had finally told Yuki that he could find him at the club, and what times he was working there this week. It was the first thing that came out.

Now, looking back on it, why had he done that? He could have given Yuki his cell phone number. Surely, it wouldn't have been wrong to have even given him his home phone number. Annette wouldn't have minded, he knew that. Why had he not done so? It would be a lot easier for Yuki to tell him anything else by phone, than making the man drag himself down to the club in the middle of the night!

Why had he done that? Maybe he was just trying to protect Annette. He stopped in mid step. Protect her from what? he wondered. Nothing bad was happening here. Confusing, yes, strange, yes, but not bad. Why did he think he had to protect Annette from anything?

He continued walking slowly. He was feeling more and more conflicted about the whole situation. He sighed. Somehow he didn't think it was going to get any better either. He wasn't completely certain what to expect, but a part of him knew that no matter what it was, it was going to be difficult to deal with. He really wished that he could go back to just being 'Shu Chan'. He had thought he had his life sorted out then. Now….everything was changing. Changing faster than he thought he was capable of keeping up with.

He wondered when Yuki would turn up tonight. If he would come early, or wait until later on? He suddenly realized he was smiling. Why was he smiling? He frowned. Why was he smiling when he had just been wondering when he would see Yuki again?

Something didn't seem …right, but he couldn't put his finger on it.


	21. Chapter 21

Title: The Key to My Heart: Chapter 22

Author: JadeHeart

Located/Archived: Found on & If anyone else would like it, please ask me first

Fandom: Gravitation

Rating: M

Warnings: angst, bad language

**Disclaimer: **I do not own the characters in this, except that of Annette who is my original character. All other main characters belong to the creators of 'Gravitation', and I am not making any profits from this story.

Chapter 22

"Hello?" Tohma's calm, quiet voice crackled over the line.

"Tohma," Yuki replied, taking a deep drag on his cigarette.

"Eiri," Yuki could hear the warmth infuse Tohma's previously neutral voice. "I have been wondering about you. You haven't called for the last couple of days." There was a touch of a scolding there.

Yuki blew out the smoke in his lungs. "What are you? My mother?"

"Sometimes, Eiri, that's exactly how I think I feel. If only you weren't such a wayward child."

"Humph!"

"Well, enough of the banter. I gather something must have happened?"

Yuki took another drag on his cigarette, leaving Tohma to wait. He knew he would. Tohma was an extremely patient person when he wished to be. In Tohma Seguchi's case, the mountain would come to him simply because it would get so fucking tired of waiting for the reverse to happen!

"I've found him." He heard the quick indrawn gasp at the other end.

Huh, he thought with some satisfaction. He had finally managed to surprise the great almighty Tohma Seguchi!

"Truly?"

"Do you think this is something I would fucking make up!" Yuki growled.

"No! No, I'm sorry, Eiri. Forgive me for that foolish remark. Of course you would not. Where did you find him?"

"He's working at a club here."

"Singing?"

"No, as a fill-in DJ. I think he's got some other part time jobs as well, but I'm not sure."

"When did you find him? No," Tohma continued before Yuki could say anything. "Let me guess. It was two nights ago, correct?"

"Yeah. How did you know?"

"Because that was when you stopped calling. Didn't I ask you to call me every night? You made me extremely worried."

"Huh!" was all Yuki said in response.

"So, how is he?"

"You mean, besides him having fucking amnesia?"

"So that is true?"

"Oh, yeah. Big time."

"Does he remember anything?"

"No." Yuki replied sharply, the thought still hurting him.

"So, he doesn't remember anything at all?"

"Not a thing."

"Ah. That is a pity." Tohma's voice trailed off. "But you have had the chance to speak to him?"

"Yeah, last night."

"What did you discuss?"

"I just told him his name, and that he was in the band. A bit about his family."

"But nothing about….you?"

"Nothing to say."

"Eiri," Tohma's voice was sympathetic. Yuki clamped his hand around the phone. He didn't want Tohma's fucking pity. "Will you be seeing him again?"

"Yeah. Tonight."

"How did he react to the news? Of who he was?"

"How do you fucking think! He didn't believe me. Shit! I wouldn't have believed that crap story in his shoes!"

"It does have a little of the Cinderella complex to it, I suppose." Tohma stated calmly. "But sometimes truth is stranger than fiction."

"Huh."

"Anything else?"

"I left him an ipod of the band's music. He said he's listened to it, but I don't know if it meant anything to him."

"It may have started some train of thought for him. I know how powerful music can be."

Yeah, that was one thing that Tohma Seguchi had so much more in common with Shuichi Shindou than Yuki could ever have; that love of music, the chasing of that muse. In a way it was funny just how much the two of them were alike - and yet they couldn't stand each other. Yuki found it more than ironic at times. It was almost as cheesy as some of the plots of his novels.

"He's given me the go ahead to tell his family, and the rest of the band."

"So, he doesn't mind meeting them?"

Yuki half shrugged, stubbing out his cigarette. "Don't think he really wants to meet them, but at least he seems to accept that he's going to have to."

"Do you want me to call his family?"

"Yeah. It'll probably be better coming from you. You're not the perverted bastard that's been screwing their son."

"Eiri, I'm sure they don't really think of you like that."

"You think so?" Yuki responded sarcastically.

"Have they ever said so?"

"I avoid having much to do with them if I can help it."

"Then perhaps that is the problem and you should try harder. I'm sure that Shindou would appreciate your efforts on that front."

"Not exactly a concern at the moment. He doesn't remember them, let alone the fact he was shacked up with me getting fucked silly."

"Don't be crude, Eiri. It doesn't become the situation."

"Fuck the situation!"

"Eiri, take a deep breath and calm down for a minute. You're not helping matters here."

Despite his automatic response to go against Tohma's advice, Yuki did as suggested. Tohma was right. He was being a prick about the whole thing. He had things to sort out before he went and saw Shuichi later on.

"Okay." he said in a slightly calmer tone.

"Feeling better?"

"Sound that smug and I'll hang up." Yuki threatened.

He heard Tohma's soft laugh. "At least you sound a little more normal now. Getting back to business, I shall call his family and determine what they wish to do. If they wish to go immediately to Canada I with make the necessary travel arrangements for them. Do you think it would be a good idea?"

"Why ask me? I have no idea."

"What sort of mind is Shindou in?"

"Fucking Shu Chan's!" Yuki grated out, pouring himself a double scotch.

"Pardon?" There was only confusion in Tohma's voice.

"Never mind. Long story."

"Eiri, can we try and stay on track here? I really do need to know all the facts if I'm going to try and do anything here to help." Tohma sounded a little pained.

Yuki took another deep breath, hands searching for his cigarettes. "Shuichi's pretty settled here. He's been working, he's got his own apartment that he's renting. And he's got a girlfriend."

"A….girlfriend?"

This was a fucking amazing night. For the second time in his life Yuki had not only surprised Tohma Seguchi, he had actually made him speechless!

"Yeah. A girlfriend. And we're not talking platonic, judging from the way they acted together!"

"My. That is a…surprise."

"Aint it just."

"What is she like?"

"I don't fucking know. I only saw her for a few moments and it was dark."

"I see. Do you think that she would be willing to return to Japan with Shindou?"

"Guess that's up to the two of them to sort out." Yuki noticed that the hand holding his cigarette was shaking. Determinedly he forced it to steadiness.

"Hmm. I guess I should warn the family of this development. Just in case."

"Will you talk to Nakano and Fujisaki?"

"Yes, I'll talk to them directly. They will both be very glad to hear this news. Did the injuries Shindou sustained have much effect on him?"

Yuki thought back to the scars, the limp. What else was there that he didn't know about? Apart from the amnesia. "Some. Don't know how much though."

"Then I'll let everyone know to expect some changes. It is best to prepare them before hand so the shock won't be too great."

Tohma's tone changed again, becoming more brisk and efficient. "I'll sort things out from here and speak to the necessary people. I'll call you tomorrow once I have some idea of what we need to do. By then you may have some further information from your meeting with Shindou."

"Don't bank on it. I don't think he was that keen to see me again." Yuki said shortly.

"I'm sorry."

Yuki steered the conversation away from that painful topic. "So how have things been back there?"

"Oh, they are still going quite well. Though admittedly, we probably wouldn't be able to keep up this ruse for much longer."

"I'm just surprised you managed to pull it off in the first place."

"It's amazing how easy it is to delude people, if you have the right resources and can manage it well."

"You are a fucking megalomaniac."

"No. I just don't believe in leaving things up to others if you want the important things done properly. We were able to leak out at the start of all this that you were going to be gone for a while doing some research for your next book. Your publishers were quite happy to support that story."

"So what did you do, to get them to go along with that?"

"Nothing."

"Really," Yuki's tone indicated his disbelief.

"Really. Denying it, would have served them no purpose. Supporting it, keeps the public's interest alive. That incident in New York at the book store only helped cement that, as I knew it would."

"I can't help but think you bloody arranged for that to happen. It seems too much of a coincidence since it fell so perfectly into your plans."

"It was about time we had some luck on our side. If you remember rightly, things were looking rather bleak just then."

Tohma was right about that.

"I just ensured that since it had occurred that we made the most of it and got the most out of it. There is no point turning away a gift that is presented to you, when you know that it is exactly what you want and can use."

"Still seems too fucking convenient."

"Think what you like, Eiri. I'm not that powerful."

"Oh, you don't think so? Says he, who has contacts in the FBI, and can get a major publishing company to beg at your feet to do whatever you tell it to do."

"I merely pointed out the benefits to them in supporting the cover story."

"You really should get out of the habit of threatening people. One day, they'll come to their senses and realize that it is a threat, then what would you do?"

"What ever is necessary." Tohma replied perfectly calmly.

"Yeah, that's the fucking scary part."

"Power doesn't have to be a bad thing, Eiri."

"No, it just leads to corruption."

"So you believe that absolute power corrupts absolutely?"

"Don't you?" Yuki challenged him.

There was silence for a moment, then Tohma spoke. "Per…haps." It was a grudging admission. "But then again, without the power, I could not achieve all that I have. So some sacrifices have to be made."

"Do you care what, or who, the sacrifices are any more?"

"I always have, Eiri. I always have."

"So, how have you kept the press quiet about Shuichi? The paparazzi may be a collective in their stupidity, but they're not so brainless that after six months they might not be starting to figure things out."

"Actually, that hasn't been that hard at all. As you stated, they can be very simpleminded, and so it is just a matter of…manipulating that."

"Just what did you do?" Yuki questioned, eyes narrowing, beginning to have a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach.

"Shindou's trip over there was not publicized in the first place, so there was nothing to connect him to the crash at the time. I made certain of that. Before speculation could begin, I ensured that the story was leaked that you had left for the US to conduct your book research. It was then easy to say that Shindou had gone with you, combining a holiday and work in assessing the US market to promote Bad Luck. So it was not looked upon askance in Japan that you both were no longer visible over here. They actually wrote a few very romantic pieces of dribble about the two of you going off on a romantic getaway, with a secret love nest and so on. I do believe that one even went so far as to say that you planned to propose to Shindou during the trip, which is why you were in the US so you could be legally married."

"Where did they get that shit from!"

"Probably from the doctored photos I sent anonymously to one of the tabloids."

Yuki choked on his drink, spraying the scotch across the floor. He coughed and coughed, thumping himself on the chest, trying to find a way to get some oxygen into his straining lungs.

"Eiri? Eiri! Are you all right? Speak to me, Eiri!" Tohma's voice was a little frantic.

"You…did…fucking…WHAT!" he just about screamed out.

"Well, I had to ensure that this deception stretched out for as long as possible over the time it's taken. Without information coming to them supporting it, they were just as likely to begin to get restless and start to dig around, which I did not want occurring. So I arranged for some doctored photos showing you and Shindou in some unknown and unrecognized location. They were artistically blurred so you could not make out any distinguishing landmarks. They show you both enjoying your holiday in a very romantic manner."

Yuki was still stunned. He couldn't believe Tohma had done that! No. Correction. He could believe that Tohma had done that! It was just the sort of thing Tohma would do, the attention to detail that he applied to everything that he did. Yet, still…Yuki was just stunned.

"Eiri, are you still there?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm here."

"I am sorry for not speaking to you about this earlier, Eiri, but I thought you had enough to worry about, and this I could do for you. It was the only thing that I could think of to help make things a little easier for you."

"You do think of everything, don't you?" He didn't know whether to be angry, or not. What was the point in getting angry at Tohma anyway? He never paid any attention to it, and would still just do whatever he thought was right. "Forget it."

"I'm sorry."

"Look, I said forget it." Yuki growled out. "Call me when you've got things sorted out."

"I shall. Take care tonight, Eiri."

"Yeah." and he hung up.

He should have realized that Tohma would have been up to something. Yuki had been ignorant to not have realized it. He had been so wrapped up in his own thoughts and what he wanted, that he hadn't given a second thought to what might have been going on back in Japan. He hadn't thought about what his editor and publisher would be thinking, how they would react. He hadn't considered how the legions of Bad Luck fans would react to Shuichi's sudden absence. He just hadn't thought about any of it.

However, Tohma had. Down to the last detail. He knew he should be grateful for all the effort that Tohma had obviously put into maintaining this cover story. Not only to maintain it, but to keep it successfully going for the past six months. No-one could ever accuse Tohma Seguchi of not being on the ball, all the time.

He looked at his watch. It was too early for him to go and meet Shuichi. He glanced down at his shirt. His little accident with his scotch earlier has left it spotted. Damn Tohma for making him do that! Now he was going to have to change again!

He angrily stripped off his shirt and pulled another one from the closet. Hopefully, this one would not suffer the same fate! He lit another cigarette. There was one other person he should phone. He picked up the handset and dialed.


	22. Chapter 22

Title: The Key to My Heart: Chapter 23

Author: JadeHeart

Located/Archived: Found on & If anyone else would like it, please ask me first

Fandom: Gravitation

Rating: M

Warnings: angst, bad language

**Disclaimer: **I do not own the characters in this, except that of Annette and Agent Jim Harris who are my original characters. All other main characters belong to the creators of 'Gravitation', and I am not making any profits from this story.

Chapter 23

The phone was still ringing. Yuki had almost decided to hang up when he heard the connection click, and a voice answered, "Hello?"

"Harris."

"Hey, is that you, Yuki? Man, where have you been? Have you called Tohma yet? He's been bugging me for the past two days! Where the hell are you?"

Yuki brought his hand up to pinch the bridge of his nose. Perhaps this had been a bad idea. He had them sometimes.

"I'm still in Quebec, and, yes, I've spoken to Tohma just now."

"Thank god for that! Really, pal, you've got to stop doing this to him. You're gonna give him a coronary one day!"

"No one asked him to worry."

Jim let out a small chuckle. "Well, glad to see that you haven't changed any. So, what's up?"

"Just wanted to let you know that I've found him."

"No way! For real! Man, oh, man, that is just great!"

Suddenly Jim's voice became a little fainter, as though he had turned his head from the phone. Yuki took the opportunity to tap some ash from his cigarette before placing it back in his mouth. "Stop that….I said, stop it, will you! You idiot!"

Yuki picked up his drink, wondering who Jim was talking to.

"Yuuuuuukkkkiiii! Yuki! Yuki! Yuki! Yuki! YUUUUKKKKIII!"

As the incredibly loud cry penetrated his ear drum at exploding levels of decibels, phone, drink and cigarette all ended up in his lap.

"FUCK!" he shouted, leaping up, trying to frantically brush a burning cigarette away from his privates and stomp on it before it charred the carpet, brush futilely at the cold ice cubes and liquid that had also soaked said privates, and try and grab the phone that had bruised that same sensitive area before it drowned in the resultant mess on the floor.

Cursing and swearing still, he managed to get the phone back to his ear and almost screamed down it, "WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT!"

"Ah, sorry about that, Yuki,' Jim said, apologetically. "I've got a …..guest with me currently. No, no, don't………….Ryuichi!"

Jim's voice faded away and was replaced by another, one that Yuki didn't hear too often, thank goodness!

"Yuki, Yuki, Yuki!" the exuberance seemed to pour down the line. "Oh, Yuki, where are you? Are you in there?" A tapping sound against the phone, "It's very small in there, are you sure you can fit?"

"What do you want, Ryuichi?" he growled out. He couldn't take this! He just couldn't take any more of this! Someone really does hate him.

"It is you! It is, it is, it is! Are you okay? Tohma was very worried about you. So was Kumagoro. Weren't you, Kumagoro?"

"I'm fine. Let me talk to Harris."

"Oh, Jim's busy at the moment. He's got his head in his hands and holding it like it really hurts. I think he might be sick."

Yuki understood exactly how Jim felt. He could feel a headache beginning.

"What are you doing there, Ryiuchi?" he finally asked. He obviously wasn't going to get rid of the idiot any time soon.

"Oh, I'm with Jim."

Yuki mentally sighed, and tried another tack. "Where are you?"

"In New York. Jim's staying here for awhile, aren't you? Do you want an aspirin?" The last was obviously directed at a distressed Jim in a very solicitous voice.

Yuki heard a muffled response but couldn't make it out clearly. Something perhaps about a gun, bullet and brain. At least Jim had all that on hand. Yuki didn't quite have that option.

He glanced down at himself. He was standing here in a puddle of scotch and melting ice, with soaked pants, and talking to a moron. Could his life get any worse?

"Ryuichi, I want to talk to Harris. Put him back on."

"Don't you want to talk to me, Yuki? Why don't you want to talk to me? You can talk to Kumagoro if you would rather."

"I don't want to talk to you. I don't want to talk to your creepy toy. Put me back to Harris." Yuki said with clenched teeth.

"But, Yuuuki!" Yuki could hear the tremor in the wail, the sound of tears forming. He sighed. It was just like Shuichi could sound. How could these two be so much alike, and yet be so different. He sighed again, feeling weary. This night was becoming too much. First Tohma - now this.

"Ryuichi, I have important things I need to speak to Harris about. Please," and he hated having to beg to this idiot. "Can you give the phone back to him?"

Suddenly, Ryuichi's voice changed, dropping the innocent childlike quality it usually held. Now it was firm, intense, and adult.

"So, you finally found him."

The change made Yuki pause for a moment. He had seen this transformation a few times over the years of his association with Ryuichi through Tohma. He had avoided having much to do with Nittle Grasper's lead singer, mainly because of his strange personality. It had grated on Yuki, but he was still amazed at this sudden switch that could come without warning. One minute Ryuichi was an annoying brat, the next a man to be reckoned with. Right now, Yuki was dealing with the man.

"Yes." he answered.

"Where?" Ryuichi continued to sound quite calm.

"Here in Quebec."

"How is he?"

"He still doesn't remember. Tohma's going to speak to his family and arrange whatever needs to happen."

"Good. Tohma will make certain everything is organized properly."

"I know."

"So how is Shuichi to you?"

"He looks okay."

"That's not what I meant."

Yuki didn't quite know how to speak to the adult Ryuichi. There were undercurrents in his conversation that reminded him disturbingly of Tohma. "He doesn't remember anyone yet."

"Does he still sparkle?"

It had taken Yuki a long time to understand this term that Ryuichi, and also Shuichi, used. "Yes. Yes, he still sparkles. Just not in the same way." How Yuki wished that he was the same!

"Hmm. He will. He can't hide from that." There was silence for a moment. Yuki didn't know how to fill it. "What did he say about you?" Ryuichi then asked.

"What do you mean?"

"When you told him you were his lover." Ryuichi said forthrightly.

"I didn't."

"Why?"

"None of your business." Yuki grated out, feeling a touch of anger building at what he considered prying into his personal life.

"Love doesn't just go away. It may be buried, it may be forgotten, it may be set aside, even eventually die, but it doesn't just disappear. You need to tell him. You need to make him see that part of who he is. Love is what makes him sparkle the brightest."

Yuki listened to Ryuichi's words, his heart thumping hard in his chest. How could a man who could be such a complete and utter moron, sometimes be so insightful, able to reach right down to the bottom of his soul and drag out what was hidden in the shadows, those most secret desires.

"I don't think it matters now."

"You're a fool, Yuki." Ryuichi said bluntly.

"How dare…" Yuki began angrily, when a squeal screamed down the line making him jerk the phone away from his ear.

"Kumagoro attack, Jim! Wake up, wake up, wake up, Mr Policeman! Mr Grumpy Yuki wants to talk to you! You can't go to sleep. That's not very polite. Come on, come on, come on! I want some ice-cream, can we get some ice-cream? Please, please, please? Can we?"

Yuki heard Jim's voice become clearer. He had obviously managed to rescue the phone from the now reverted Ryuichi. "Yes, we can get some ice-cream later, but first let me finish speaking to Yuki, okay?"

"Yes, yes, that's fine! Don't be long! Ryuichi wants ice-cream. Kumagoro wants some too! He wants chocolate chip. Broooommm, broooom, look we're flying!" and the sounds faded off into the distance.

"Yuki?" Jim's weary voice sounded on the phone.

"Yeah." He heard Jim's deep sigh.

"Sorry about that."

"It's fine."

"No matter how many times I see him like that, it still scares the hell out of me."

"What, his switching personalities?"

"Yeah. One minute he's just a big stupid kid. The next he's…well, I wouldn't even call him 'normal' even then. He's just so….intense when he changes. He's downright frightening when he's like that. It's as though….he can somehow see into the bottom of your heart. I'd rather put up with all his silly antics and getting whacked over the head with his kuma-goo-goo thing than face him when he's in that mind."

"I know what you mean."

"I don't know how Tohma puts up with him."

Yuki shrugged. "They seem to get along fine. Perhaps he's just used to him."

"Maybe. Look, I'd better keep this short before Ryu decides to burn something down, or drown himself, or….whatever. Tohma would kill me if I let anything happen to him."

"How come he's with you?"

"He contacted me a while ago. He had heard you and Tohma had been in New York, I think he must have been speaking with Tohma. Anyway, he's been calling me nearly every day as well as calling Tohma to find out how things are going. Admittedly the conversations usually amount to him managing to ask me coherently if there was any news, I say no, and then it deteriorates from there. But as regular as clockwork, he'd ring. Then a couple of days ago, he suddenly called me and told me to meet him in here in New York. He was in his serious mind at that time which I took to mean it was something pretty damn serious. So I headed back here. I've been baby-sitting him since."

"Two days ago, huh?" Yuki pondered, looking around for his cigarettes. They were too far away for him to reach, damn it!

"Yeah. I think he had realized Tohma was worried because he hadn't heard from you, and so he was going to do something about it." Jim chuckled. "For all that he's an idiot, he really does care about Tohma, and he's not quite as stupid as most people think. He does pay attention to what is going on around him. It's just not always in the same way that everyone else would respond to it."

"I know. Look, don't worry about anything. Tohma's on it. He's in his usual Machiavellian mode, so there's nothing that's going to stand in his way. He's going to sort out things to get Shuichi's family and the band out here to meet him. There's nothing that you need to do anymore. By the way, since you're in New York, call Maclean and Laytner and tell them, will you?"

"Don't you think they'd rather hear it from you direct?"

"What's the difference hearing it from me, or you?

"Oh, come on, Yuki! Those boys busted their butts for you, and in their own time. Show a little appreciation!"

"Look, I'll talk them sometime later, alright. Just not now!"

"Okay, okay, I'll call them. I know they'll be glad to hear the good news."

"If it makes you feel better, tell Ryo I'll send him a signed first edition of my very first book."

Jim laughed. "Oh, he's just going to love that! Although, I think Dee might shoot you for it. Ryo'll be so wrapped up in the book he won't be paying any attention to him!"

"That's his problem. Tell him to get friendly with his hand."

"You are just so damn cruel!"

"He'll live. Anyway, there's nothing else."

"So, you've obviously spoken to Shu. Are you going to be doing so again?"

"Yeah."

"You don't sound that happy about it. What's up?"

"Nothing."

"Right. You've just found the love of your life, and you sound like you're about to throw yourself under a bus. What gives?" Yuki said nothing. "Okay, let me take a stab in the dark here. He doesn't remember you. Am I right?" Yuki still said nothing. "So, then, I'll go on. Not only does he not remember you, you've been too gutless to actually tell him anything. How am I doing so far?"

"I think you're as big an idiot as Ryuichi." Yuki growled.

Jim laughed. "Sometimes that kid's got smarts! He figured you out quick enough! Seriously though, you've got to tell him. It's not like you can exactly keep it a secret from him forever. As soon as he starts talking to other people from his past and goes back to Japan, it's going to be everywhere. Wouldn't it be better for him to learn about it before that?"

"I'll think of something."

"I never took you for a coward." Jim said a little sharply.

"Keep you own fucking opinions to yourself!" Yuki snarled back. This conversation could degenerate from here very quickly.

"Okay, okay! Keep your shirt on! Have it your own way!" Jim's voice softened a little. "But think about it."

"Huh!"

"Alright, I'll leave it with you and Tohma. I'll call Ryo and Dee, and see if I can keep Ryuichi out of trouble. Even better, if I can manage to off-load him now! By the way, just in case you're interested in knowing, they wrapped up the investigation of the crash."

Yuki was silent for a moment before speaking. "And?"

"It was caused by a straight forward mechanical fault. I won't bore you with the details, but there was nothing suspicious about it all."

"So it was all for nothing."

"Maybe. Better to be safe than sorry, don't you think? Can't say that they didn't try to be conscientious."

"What a waste of time."

"So, when are you going to see Shu next?"

Yuki looked at his watch. It was about time for him to go. "Now."

"Okay, I'll let you go. I'm looking forward to actually meeting him one day!"

"If you think Ryuichi is bad, Shuichi is about the same."

"Geez! Two of them?"

"Yeah. They look a bit alike, and they even sound pretty similar. Not to mention the way they behave."

"They even act the same way?"

"Pretty much."

"I shudder to think." Jim replied. "You've got to be kidding me. There can't be two people like Ryuichi!"

"If you meet Shuichi, you'll realize that there can be." Yuki assured him with some evil delight.

"Surely he can't be quite as bad though? I mean, Tohma never mentioned that he had a split personality like Ryu."

"Oh, he has a split personality alright. Shuichi's an idiot as well."

Jim let out a loud laugh. "Who's the bigger idiot? The idiot, or the one who follows the idiot? Good luck tonight!" and he hung up.

Yuki looked at the now silent hand piece. Who was the idiot, he wondered?

Suddenly he became aware of his uncomfortable state. The spilt drink on his trousers had dried a little, leaving the material stiff and sticking to him. Glancing down, he noticed that the stain on the front of his pants could be misconstrued to meaning something else - not a good look to foster. He couldn't go out looking like this! Damn it, he was going to have to shower and change. Again! Twice tonight already! There better not be a third bloody time!

He stormed towards the bathroom, thinking dark thoughts.


	23. Chapter 23

Title: The Key to My Heart: Chapter 24

Author: JadeHeart

Located/Archived: Found on & If anyone else would like it, please ask me first

Fandom: Gravitation

Rating: M

Warnings: angst, bad language

**Disclaimer: **I do not own the characters in this, except that of Annette and Agent Jim Harris who are my original characters. All other main characters belong to the creators of 'Gravitation', and I am not making any profits from this story.

Chapter 24

The place was noisy as usual, the air thick with smoke. Yuki lit up his own cigarette and added to the pollution. He refused to have a drink even though he desperately wanted one. However, the track record so far tonight where he and alcohol were concerned was not good, so he wasn't about to tempt fate.

He watched Shuichi from the bar close to the DJ stand. The way Shuichi jumped around the small podium reminded Yuki so much of his antics on stage, the sheer exuberance he could not contain when he was around music. There was a small cluster of bouncing females directly before Shuichi's dais, all looking up with smiles as they flicked their hair back and shook their booty. Fucking sluts! Yuki growled in his mind, watching their flirtatious efforts towards his Shuichi. He chewed on the butt of his cigarette. It was bad enough he had to contend with the girl that Shuichi was living with, he didn't need to see this kind of exhibition as well!

He flicked some ash from the end of his cigarette. He couldn't really blame them, he supposed, Shuichi was looking hot tonight! He was in tight leather pants and a cropped black tank top that bared his midriff. The shirt reminded Yuki more of Shuichi's normal attire at home. It was the first time he had seen Shuichi wearing something that was more daring. The first time he had seen him at the club he had been dressed more conservatively – at least all his skin had been covered then.

He was sure that Shuichi knew he was there. He had positioned himself at this bar so he had a clear view of the DJ area, which meant that Shuichi should also be able to spot him. He had seen Shuichi glance over this way and flash a smile, so he hoped that that smile had been directed at him and not a come-on to someone else nearby.

Shuichi was now throwing smiles out at his adoring band of groupies, making them gyrate harder in an effort to catch his attention further but he never favoured one above the other. Soon another man joined Shuichi on the stand and a few shouted words were exchanged, before the other took the headphones and Shuichi disappeared towards the back.

Shuichi had thrown himself into his work, smiling at the crowd, dancing to the beat as it pounded through the air. He really did enjoy his work. However, he found himself constantly scanning the crowd, looking over the heads of the fan-girls below his tiny stage, across the moving mass on the rest of the dance floor, looking for one tall, golden head.

He hadn't seen Yuki yet. The man had said he would come tonight, but so far Shuichi had seen no sign of him. Had he changed his mind, perhaps? Shuichi wondered why his stomach knotted at that thought. He realized he had been looking forward to seeing Yuki, to speaking with him again.

He sighed, letting none of his inner emotions show on his face. The man probably had other things to do, and he had been so inconsiderate in making him come down to the club. He was a jerk for doing that.

Then, out of the corner of his eye, he caught a flash of paleness. Looking across, he saw Yuki leaning against the bar nearby, cigarette between his lips. He was here! He had come! Shuichi couldn't help the broad smile that lit his face as he spotted the man, or the flash of pure delight that washed over him.

As soon as his break came, he slipped away and made his way to the bar, snagging a towel as he went. He was so glad the man had come and that they could talk again!

"Hey!" a voice shouted suddenly in Yuki's ear, making him jump a little. Turning his head he saw Shuichi standing next to him, broad smile on his flushed face. He must have come through a back way from the DJ podium and then from behind the bar where Yuki had been standing. A small towel was wrapped around his neck, beads of sweat still running from his temple and hairline. Even as Yuki watched, he grabbed an end of the towel to wipe over his face.

Shuichi leant back on the bar, just as a bottle of water was placed there, beads of icy liquid sliding down the side. He picked it up and placed it unopened against his forehead with a pleased sigh at the coolness. Yuki could see that Shuichi's entire body was covered with sweat, his eyes couldn't help following a droplet that slid from under the boy's top, flowing down his taut stomach, to disappear into the waistband of his pants.

"Glad you could make it!" the sound of Shuichi's shout pulled Yuki's mind, and eyes, from that delightful sight and the fantasies they evoked, back to the reality of the moment. It wouldn't do for Shuichi to think that Yuki was ogling him – even if it was the truth.

"Not a problem!" he shouted back. This was going to be difficult. Trying to hold a normal conversation in a pounding night club was not the easiest thing.

"Come on! Let's go somewhere quieter!" Shuichi said, waving for Yuki to follow him. With a nod of agreement, Yuki did so. Shuichi made his way to a corner, further away from the general noise. It wasn't completely quiet, more of a dull rumble so at least they would be able to speak without straining their voices.

Shuichi wiped his face down thoroughly now, running the towel around his neck and swiping it over his gleaming stomach. "Boy, is it hot tonight!"

You mean you're hot tonight, Yuki thought, still running his eyes hungrily over the form before him. Looking the way he did now - sweaty, hot, flushed and hyped up from the music - Yuki just wanted to grab him and ravish him completely. Just as he used to do after one of Shuichi's concerts. The energy Shuichi put into his concerts always made him exciting in bed afterwards. Yuki remembered that all too well. He felt his own face flush and was glad of the dim lighting to hide it from the other man.

"I didn't think you were coming. It was getting late." Shuichi said.

"I had some things to do first. I thought you would probably be tied up to begin with anyway."

"Yeah, the set up can take a bit of time." Shuichi flashed him another smile.

"So," Yuki drew out his packet of cigarettes. "Did you listen to the music?"

Shuichi said nothing for a moment, taking a long drink from his water bottle. "Yeah. I did."

"And?"

Another long pause. Yuki watched as Shuichi turned his back on him, moving to lean on a table nearby. His stomach clenched. This didn't look good.

Shuichi turned back to him, placing the bottle on the table top. "I listened to it. I didn't know what to expect at all. I mean, it was just music." He looked away briefly. Yuki's heart plummeted to the bottom of his feet. He didn't remember anything.

"Then, I found that I liked it." Yuki's heart rose an inch. "I liked it a lot. So did Annette."

Yuki growled silently at that. What did he care what 'she' thought of it!

"But you know what the weird thing was?" Shuichi continued. "I knew the songs."

Yuki's heart shot up like an arrow back into his chest cavity. He remembered!

"I could sing every one of those songs, all the way through, without missing a beat. There wasn't one I didn't know."

Yuki could almost feel his face trying to break out in a smile, a very unfamiliar expression for him. Now that would have just been plain scary!

Shuichi looked back at him. He didn't look particularly happy though, Yuki thought. He had thought the boy would have been pleased to find he could remember something from his past. Wasn't he happy?

"I really do remember them, but only as the music. I can't remember their titles, or the words if you wanted me to repeat them. That's all just a blur. I know it's in here somewhere though." He tapped the side of his head. "You know how you feel when you're trying to say a word and it's on the tip of your tongue but you just can't get it out? That's how it feels with the words to those songs. However, put it with the music, and I can sing them all."

Suddenly Shuichi flashed him a bright smile, one that lit up his entire face. Yuki felt himself let out a breath he hadn't realized he had been holding. Shuichi's smiles always meant that things would be better. "I've already spoken to the manager about maybe playing some of the songs here at the club! I know they're in Japanese but the tunes are still pretty catchy. I left the ipod with him to have a listen to tonight, so who knows? Bad Luck might be making their debut in Canada right here!" He threw his head back and laughed, a loud happy laugh. "That would be just the best, don't you think!"

"Nothing like blowing your own trumpet," Yuki muttered. That move was just so Shuichi, always taking quick advantage of anything that came his way. Couldn't fault the kid for not acting quickly when these opportunities arose.

"So," Shuichi said, picking up his bottle again. "Did you speak to my family?"

Yuki shook his head, "No, but I spoke to Tohma. He's going to organize things and call me when it's done. I'll tell you as soon as I hear anything."

"Tohma?" Shuichi questioned, frowning as he tried to remember.

"Tohma Seguchi, the producer at NG Productions. My brother-in-law."

"Oh, yes, sorry, you did tell me. Why's he organizing things?"

"He takes his responsibility for his bands very seriously. He's been helping to locate you since you went missing."

"He must be a really nice guy."

Yuki nearly choked. Shuichi hadn't just lost his memory – he'd lost his frigging marbles! Then he smiled to himself, he couldn't wait to tell Tohma that though! He was sure that would lead to another stunned silence on the other end of the phone. He was going to have to make the most of these moments because they had never come along before, and were unlikely to ever again.

He dropped his finished cigarette to the ground, grinding it underfoot. "I should be able to tell you more tomorrow. Tohma's very good at getting things moving quickly. He won't let things drag."

"Hmmm." Shuichi took another drink, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand after. He glanced across the floor then looked back at Yuki. "I've got to go. My break's nearly over. Thanks for coming down."

"Not a problem. I'll probably see you tomorrow night."

"Yeah, okay. I guess I'll see you then."

"Yeah."

He could see Shuichi didn't want him to come again, but he had to. Even if he wasn't just delivering an update from Tohma as to what arrangements would be made, he still would have had to come. He couldn't stay away. So no matter how much Shuichi wished Yuki would just fade back into his forgotten past, Yuki couldn't do it. Not even for Shuichi.

Shuichi disappeared into the crowd, making his way back to the DJ station. Yuki watched until he had mounted it, taking his place, smiling down at his adoring fans that gathered below him. Yuki turned to make his way to the door. It was time for him to leave. He took a step forward when the body in front of him suddenly lurched backwards, spinning around as it did so, before colliding hard against Yuki's chest.

"Oh, sorry!" the young girl giggled, gaining her balance.

"Claire, come on!"

"Bye!" she waved jauntily as she was dragged off into the crowd by her friends.

Yuki watched her go then glanced down. The front of his burgundy shirt was completely soaked, droplets of liquid still sliding downwards. He could feel the stickiness making the fabric cling to his skin. His lips pressed together tightly as he felt another cold trail slip down his flesh to soak into the waistband of his pants. This night well and truly, majorly sucked!

Yuki didn't get out of bed till after midday. He was tired from the constant late nights, and although he certainly had gone to bed earlier last night than he had previously, the multiple all-nighters from before were still catching up with him.

He had woken up around mid-morning but had refused to get up at that point, instead rolling over and closing his eyes. He had managed to doze off again, so by the time his eyes had opened a second time, he had felt more refreshed than he done so for a long time.

He yawned widely, stretching out fully across the bed so he was spread-eagled, feeling every muscle complain at the pull, yet delighting in the sensation also. One thing he couldn't deny he liked was having a bed fully to himself at times so he could do just this.

He sat up and rubbed his eyes, glancing at the clock. When he got back to Japan his internal body clock was going to be completely screwed up with the hours that he was keeping! Another yawn made him decide to head for the shower and think about what to do for the day.

As he dressed after his morning ablutions, he felt a little at a loose end. With the search for Shuichi over, Yuki found that the adrenalin that had pushed him on all this time was no longer needed. Now all he could do was wait and see what would happen next, and it was all up to Shuichi at the moment. Yuki found that he hated this enforced waiting, the uncertainty that was gnawing at him all the time. It didn't make him feel comfortable one little bit.

He wandered down to the dining room, picking up a paper as he went, heading for his usual table in the far corner of the room. He passed a large group of Japanese tourists being herded along the buffet table by their harried-looking guide. Yuki felt a stab of home-sickness at the sound of his language but still wasn't inclined to stop and converse with them. For their part, they didn't give him a second glance. With his pale hair and eyes and his tall height, they would be unlikely to associate him as one of their countrymen. He seated himself comfortably, as far away from the chattering crowd as he was able to be. He decided to have a reasonably substantial lunch as he had missed breakfast and he was finding that his appetite had slowly been returning as each day went by. As he began to eat, he tuned out the dull rumble of voices and wondered when Tohma might call.

Just then his cell phone rang. He pulled it out of his pocket and answered, "Hello?"

"Good morning, Eiri. Although I think it might be afternoon at this point, isn't it?" Tohma's cheerful voice greeted him.

Speak of the devil, Yuki thought, lighting a cigarette and leaning back. Sometimes Tohma made Yuki almost believe in ESP. The man was damn freaky at times!

"Yeah, it's afternoon here, so what's up?"

"I've been in touch with Shindou's family. They are all greatly relieved that you've found him and that he is well. I've explained very carefully the circumstances about his lack of memory and they are understandably concerned. They have decided that they will come over to see him, so I have arranged for them to be there in about three days time."

"That's a bit soon, don't you think? Shuichi has only just found out that he's got a family."

"Eiri, you can't expect them not to want to see him, they had almost given him up for dead. It's been very difficult for them. They only want to see him in the flesh, so to speak, and to know that he really is alive. I put them in touch with a specialist here with regards to head injuries and brain trauma, so they could gain a better understanding of the amnesia that Shindou is suffering. Of course, at this point in time, no specialist would be willing to commit to when he will regain his memory, or if he ever will. There is always that possibility."

Yuki's hands clenched at the thought that Shuichi may never remember. That he would never remember Yuki ever again. He hated that it might be a reality!

"Okay, I'll let him know. Shall I pick them up at the airport? I'm not too sure that would be a good idea."

"Actually, Eiri, they appeared to be pleased that you were there with Shindou, even if he doesn't remember you or anything else. I think you have gravely misjudged their impression of you and your relationship."

"Huh!" Yuki wasn't convinced.

"Anyway," Tohma continued, "you can pick them up. They are expecting you to do so. I'll fax the itinerary through to the hotel for you, so you have all the details. If anything changes, I'll let you know."

"What about Nakano?"

"He, Fujisaki, K and Sakano will all be arriving two days after Shindou's family."

"Shit, Tohma! You can't throw that entire fucking crazy bunch at Shuichi right off! The kid will probably run away screaming, and I wouldn't blame him one bit!"

"Calm down, Eiri, I believe this is the best way. If there are any buried memories that are likely to resurface, they will most likely be to do with either his family, or the band. The more exposure he has with the various people from both areas, the better. Even if he only remembers the strange events, surely that is better than nothing?"

"With that bunch of loonies, it will probably send him over the edge of insanity!" Yuki growled, stubbing his cigarette out.

Tohma chuckled, "I know you're concerned, Eiri, but I wouldn't have been able to hold them off any longer anyways. Nakano and Fujisaki were all ready to board a plane immediately. You know how they are."

Yuki would have expected no less from Hiro, but Suguru? Now that was a surprise.

"Alright. It's not like I can change anything now. You've already made all the arrangements."

"That's true." Tohma agreed calmly. Yuki just shook his head. Tohma would never change.

"I'll let Shuichi know tonight what's happening. And if he freaks out, don't blame me!"

"So you wouldn't say 'I told you so'?"

"You don't listen to anything I say anyway, so how can I tell you I told you so? That would imply that you actually paid some attention to it in the first place!"

"Oh, Eiri, I'm wounded. I always listen to everything you say, in those sweet dulcet tones."

"Jerk!"

Tohma laughed, "Enough. Did you meet Shindou last night?"

"Yeah."

"Any new developments?"

"Well, you were right about the music. He remembers the songs. He said he can sing them all without a problem, but he doesn't remember what they're called."

"Hmm. Still that is a very promising sign I would think. Anything else?"

A waitress appeared at his table and refilled his coffee. "No. We only talked briefly while he was on a break, and it was mainly about the songs."

"So you still haven't told him about you and he?"

"Get off my fucking back about that!" Yuki snarled loudly. A few of the other patrons in the dining room turned their heads to glare at the offensive language that interrupted their luncheon. Yuki ignored them.

"Alright, Eiri. I'll leave it at that. I still think you're making a mistake."

"Why are you so fucking eager to try and push me back with Shuichi? You've always hated the kid!"

"Oh, Eiri, even after all this time, you still don't understand me sometimes. When have I ever said that I hated Shindou?"

Yuki opened his mouth to respond, and then paused. Tohma was right – as usual! There wasn't once that Yuki could remember where Tohma actually had come out and said that he **hated** Shuichi, but that didn't mean that he liked him either. Yuki could feel a headache beginning. Trying to figure out Tohma usually gave him one!

"Whatever." he snapped, beginning to get angry. Tohma seemed to pick up on this, even through the phone line.

"Okay, Eiri, speak to Shindou and let him know what is happening. Don't forget to pick up the fax, I'll send it through directly. If you don't have it within the hour, call me. I'll speak to you again once Shindou's family are over there, and let you know when the others will be arriving. Talk to you later. Take care." and he hung up.

Yuki lowered the phone to the table, reaching for his coffee. Damn Tohma! He always knew just what buttons to press to get a reaction out of Yuki. With almost anyone else, Yuki could keep his calm, aloof manner, but with Tohma….. He always felt so damn out of control, as though he was getting pulled this way and that.

He suddenly began to chuckle. Even to him, it sounded a little hysterical. He had often wondered why he always got so mad at Shuichi. It was because the brat did exactly the same thing as Tohma! The two of them just seemed to instinctively know how to get past his defenses, and neither of them took no for an answer!

He laughed out loud, uncaring of the further disgruntled looks thrown in his direction. Oh, this was just too rich! How could he have been so blind to not have seen it sooner! And the funniest part of it all would be that both Tohma and Shuichi would be absolutely horrified to realize that they were so much alike!

Oh, that thought had just made his day!


	24. Chapter 24

Title: The Key to My Heart: Chapter 25

Author: JadeHeart

Located/Archived: Found on & If anyone else would like it, please ask me first

Fandom: Gravitation

Rating: M

Warnings: angst, bad language

**Disclaimer: **I do not own the characters in this, except that of Annette and Agent Jim Harris who are my original characters. All other main characters belong to the creators of 'Gravitation', and I am not making any profits from this story.

Chapter 25

Yuki went to the club again that night, arriving later than he had done so before. He took up his previous position at the corner bar. This time, however, he was indulging in a drink. After the events of last night, he had come to the conclusion that it obviously really didn't matter if he was drinking or not, he'd probably end up wearing it anyway, so he may as well actually get some enjoyment from it at the same time!

He could see Shuichi working, bouncing around and full of energy as usual. Yuki felt tired just watching him. He sipped his drink, trying to make it last. He wasn't here to get drunk; he was over that. If he was going to talk to Shuichi he wanted to be cold stone sober. The last thing he wanted to do was turn him off by acting like a drunken bastard, which was his usual state under these circumstances. The old Shuichi knew that and accepted it, this new Shuichi would probably be completely freaked and call the police. Not a good scenario, not good at all.

He waited, stretching his drink, glancing at his watch. It must be close to Shuichi's break, surely? Another hour dragged by, but Yuki didn't mind too much. He enjoyed his view, being able to just stand there and watch Shuichi. That was a past-time that he didn't mind at all. Tonight Shuichi was wearing an almost transparent long sleeved shirt, with a plunging v-neck line that showed a lovely expanse of skin. A beaded choker encircled his neck, and his leather pants hugged his hips. The shirt was un-tucked and flowed loosely around his waist, slipping open as he moved in time to the music, flashing tantalizing glimpses of more gleaming skin. No, not a bad sight at all.

He then saw Shuichi turn his way, flash a smile, and wave for him to come over. He was a little surprised, but came as beckoned. He managed to push himself through the usual fan-club in front of Shuichi's raised stage, to crowd up against the side of the podium. He looked upwards as Shuichi hunkered down to talk to him, motioning him to bring his head closer as he shouted over the music.

"I can't get away for a break!" He brought his mouth close to Yuki's ear. Yuki could feel his hot breath against his skin, and he couldn't control the shiver that shook him at the realization that Shuichi's mouth was so close to his ear. The old Shuichi wouldn't have let that opportunity go by to lick Yuki's weak spot, just to get a reaction from him. He would make certain to do it just for the pure pleasure of seeing Yuki squirm. Yuki was half hoping that would still occur.

"We're short staffed tonight!" Yuki could feel his hair moving as Shuichi's breath riffled through it. "Can you stay till later?"

Yuki turned his head to reply and found himself looking into Shuichi's startled face, barely an inch between their lips. He could just lean forward a fraction….He could even make it seem like an accident he was sure, and capture those lips in a kiss. It would only be brief; he could hardly claim it was accidental if he began to French kiss him in front of everyone, but even a brief brushing kiss was still a kiss. It had been so long since he had last kissed his lover.

Shuichi suddenly drew back a little, his cheeks flushing, then he leant forward and turned his head so his ear was to Yuki, obviously waiting for his answer. Gone - the opportunity was gone. Yuki sighed. It hadn't really been an opportunity; more of a hope.

"I can wait!" he shouted back. He could smell the cologne Shuichi was wearing, something with a spicy aroma mixed with sweat.

Shuichi nodded at him, flashing a small smile. "Keep listening! There's a surprise later on!" There was a mischievous twinkle in Shuichi's eyes.

"What?"

"You'll see!" was his answer and he stood. Obviously Yuki had been dismissed, banished to his corner of the bar for the duration of the evening. He returned to take up his post.

As much as Yuki enjoyed being able to stare unimpeded at Shuichi all night, he was getting down-right bored. He hated clubs and the noisy atmosphere, the crowds, the loud music. Most of the music wasn't to his taste, and the patrons even less. Not that he was looking to pick anyone up, but his lack of interest didn't stop the inevitable. Fortunately, at this particular club the majority of attempts were from females. However, he was pleased he could return to his usual cold, cutting self to see these would-be suitors off, a number of them close to tears, but that didn't concern him. Apart from that mild amusement, and his drinking which he was curtailing his consumption of, the evening dragged abysmally.

When it was almost closing time Shuichi once again looked over to Yuki, catching his eye and a broad smile crossed his face. He kept his eyes fixed on Yuki as he flipped a switch on the board before him. The next song swung effortlessly into place and Yuki felt his jaw drop as the first strains thumped out through the club. The crowd continued to dance, moving in time to the beat of 'Blind Game Again'. Bad Luck was having their Canadian debut, just as Shuichi had said he wanted!

Shuichi just grinned at Yuki's surprise, and gave him a thumbs-up before turning back to his board to flick a few more switches, then Shuichi grabbed the microphone before him and began to sing. The crowd didn't stop when they realised that their DJ was singing the song; if anything they danced harder. How could they not when Shuichi's velvety voice belted out the words with such intensity, his whole body focused on the song.

The crowd let the music flow through them, and the spontaneous applause and screams that greeted the end, indicated their pleasure and excitement for the new music. The grin on Shuichi's face was like that of a Cheshire cat, stretching from ear to ear. Even from the distance that Yuki was standing, he could see Shuichi's eyes sparkling with excitement. No-one could ever take that away from this extraordinary young man.

Shuichi gave a small wave to Yuki, that he interpreted as a 'wait there', whilst Shuichi switched the music to mellow background sounds as the hint to tell the patrons it was time to leave. Many were already making their way to the doors and fading into the night.

Shuichi vacated his podium and disappeared from Yuki's sight. He reappeared probably about ten minutes later, which by this time most of the public had left and the club was almost empty.

"Sorry to keep you waiting." Shuichi said as he arrived.

"Not a problem. So you managed to convince the Manager to play one of your songs. How did you do that?"

Shuichi took a drink of water. "Well, I didn't exactly tell him I had any connection to it. I just told him that I thought the songs were pretty catchy and perfect for the club. He was a bit dubious of how they would be received as they're in Japanese and it's not like most of our patrons are going to be able to understand it, but I pointed out that when you dance you're dancing to the beat, not the words."

"So did he pick the song?"

Shuichi shook his head. "Nope. I did."

"So why that one?" Yuki wanted to know. He would have thought Shuichi would have chosen 'Rage Beat' being the first song of 'Bad Luck' to gain recognition.

Shuichi shrugged, motioning Yuki to follow him as he made his way to the door. He picked up his coat and grabbed his bag on the way out. "Don't know. Just something about that song made me think of being outside, and waterfalls, and for some reason my feet got really cold! Weird, huh! And it made me think of having fun! You know, going somewhere like an amusement park, or some place really fun!"

Their first date, Yuki thought. It was the song that Shuichi had suffered chilblains for to sell his million copies so they could have their first date. It had been a fun day; even though it had ended in tears, but up until then, it had been a really good day – for both of them.

"So what did your boss think about it?"

Shuichi smiled broadly, "He thought it was great! He wants to start including it into the programme regularly, and then maybe introduce some of the others as well!" Shuichi chuckled as they walked. "I left him pouring over the play list for the rest of the week with his head phones on as he shuffled things around, muttering to himself! I made him copy them all as I wanted my ipod back!"

They had made their way down to the boardwalk and found the café they had met at before. Shuichi ordered the same, a large piece of chocolate cake and coffee.

"Sure you don't want some?"

"No, thanks."

"They've got great strawberry shortcake." Shuichi said turning to one side. Yuki froze at the off-hand comment. Could Shuichi have remembered that they were his favourites? "Sorry, you probably don't like them. Annette's friend loves them."

Yuki's heart fell. No, he didn't remember, it was only coincidence.

Their orders arrived, Shuichi falling on his cake ravenously. Yuki let him eat uninterrupted whilst he sipped his coffee. As Shuichi took the edge off his hunger, he slowed down a little.

"How was your day?" he asked around a mouthful, before washing it down with his drink.

"Uneventful, but I do have some news." Shuichi's fork paused on the way to his mouth as he looked at Yuki quizzically, and with a little trepidation. "Tohma called and said he's spoken with your family, and they would like to come here to see you."

Shuichi slowly placed his fork back on the plate, before propping his elbows on the top, chin on hands. "When?" he finally said, his face unreadable.

"Two days time."

Yuki saw Shuichi's eyebrows shoot up, before he schooled his expression again to neutral. "Hmm."

Yuki lit a cigarette. "How do you feel about that?"

Shuichi picked up his fork again, playing with the last of the cake. "Don't know." He cast a quick glance at Yuki. "Do I…like my family?" he asked hesitantly.

Gods, what a question to ask! Yuki thought. "Yes, you get along fine with them all. They've always supported you in your career, though I understand that they had hoped you'd grow out of it, but when there was no sign of you doing so they've given you their whole-hearted support."

"That's nice to know." Shuichi murmured with some relief. He flashed a crooked smile at Yuki. "I had been wondering if I'd had some major falling out with them or something like that. I'm glad there's nothing to worry about!" Shuichi finally picked up the last cake portion and placed it in his mouth, chewing thoughtfully "So where do I meet them?" he asked.

"I thought you might like to meet at the hotel I'm staying at. They've got some function rooms at the back; we could book one for the day."

"Hmm" Shuichi looked thoughtful. "I suppose that'll work. Is it all right if Annette comes?"

Yuki wanted to be able to emphatically say 'no', but instead replied, "If you want. Your family has been told of her, so they would probably be happy to meet her." And I hope they hate her, he thought nastily.

Shuichi let out a sigh of relief. "I'm glad about that." He then looked again at Yuki. "You're going to be there, right?"

Yuki stubbed out his cigarette. "I'll pick up your family from the airport, but I'll leave you to it after that. This is a family reunion only."

"I guess you're right. I just would have been happier if you were there. You are, after all, the only person I know from my past who is here at present."

"You'll be fine." Yuki tried to reassure him. He wished he could be there with him, but he thought it would be better to give Shuichi's family as wide a berth as possible, despite what Tohma had said. Tohma wasn't always right. He couldn't exactly recall a time when he hadn't been, but there was always a first time. Even for Tohma Seguchi!

"I'm still not sure what to expect." Shuichi confessed in a small voice. "What am I supposed to say? 'I'm sorry, but I don't remember who you are,' sounds a bit harsh."

"Just be yourself." Yuki instructed "They're not expecting you to remember everything. They're just coming to see you, to know that you're okay. Just give them time to adjust as well."

"Yeah, you're right. I just don't want to cause them any further worry, or hurt them anymore."

"You won't. Stop worrying so much."

"Easy for you to say." He heard Shuichi mutter under his breath. It was such a common response, one that Shuichi would have given normally, that it caused Yuki to feel he had flashed back to the past. It almost felt like he had Shuichi back.

Shuichi looked at his watch. "Shit!" he exclaimed, standing hurriedly. "I've got to go! I hadn't realized how late it was."

"But Tohma…." Yuki began; he didn't want Shuichi to leave just yet. They'd barely spent any time together tonight.

"Look, are you doing anything tomorrow?" Shuichi suddenly asked, cutting Yuki off. "I'm not working tomorrow night, so why don't we meet here in the afternoon?" He flashed a quick smile at Yuki. "It'll be a novelty to see each other in broad daylight for once!"

"Sure." Yuki could do little else but agree.

"Great! Here," and Shuichi pulled a pen from his bag, scribbled on a napkin and pushed it towards Yuki. "That's my cell phone number. If anything comes up and you can't make it, give me a call. I can tell you now though, you won't get me before midday!"

Yuki pocketed the paper. "So what time?"

Shuichi chewed his lip, "What about, say, 2.30pm?"

"That'll be fine."

"Okay. Gotta go! See you tomorrow!" and with a final wave, he disappeared into the night.

Yuki stood less hurriedly and made his way back to his hotel, hand clutching the pocket with the napkin with Shuichi's number on it, like a lifeline.

Shuichi ran at a fast pace through the streets. He hadn't kept note of the time and it was far later than he would normally remain out.

He mulled over how the evening had gone. He had noticed as soon as Yuki had arrived at the club, though he had made no move to acknowledge him at that stage. When he had beckoned the man over to the podium, he had felt his heart give a jump as Yuki had approached. As he had spoken to Yuki above the noise, he couldn't help but inhale the pleasant smell of the man's cologne. It reminded him of something, but he couldn't remember what.

When Yuki had turned his head suddenly to answer his question, he had found himself almost nose to nose with the man, and had felt his face flush. It must have looked to anyone else watching, that he had been about to kiss Yuki! What would Yuki have thought of him then? He had tried to cover his embarrassment, but didn't know if he had succeeded. There had been a strange look in the man's golden eyes - those eyes fascinated Shuichi for some reason – a look that he hadn't been able to decipher. He had hoped that he hadn't pissed the man off and given him the wrong idea, but Yuki had seemed okay with it all and stayed till he had finished working.

An involuntary smile crossed his face as the strains of 'Blind Game Again' filtered through his mind. He couldn't resist humming a few bars, putting a skip and leap into his running stride. That had just gone perfectly, he thought happily. He had thanked his lucky stars that his boss had liked the songs in the first place, but the response of the crowd assured their continued air play in the set. He hadn't intended to sing, it hadn't been part of the deal, but after the first verse he just couldn't help himself! He was grateful that his boss had thought it had only helped, not hindered. Thank goodness for that! All in all, the night had gone so well! He couldn't wait to tell Annette! He would have to let her know that he probably wouldn't be back for dinner tomorrow night, at least probably not till late, since he was meeting Yuki.

He slowed down. His leg was beginning to ache a little from the exertion, so he dropped to a walk. He still hadn't properly introduced Yuki to Annette yet. He felt a worm of guilt twisting in his mind. He knew that he couldn't expect Annette to be dragged out late at night, not when she was studying so hard, and that was the only times he had been meeting Yuki.

He chewed a nail as he walked. That wasn't the only reason though. Why? Why didn't he seem to want Annette to meet Yuki? Was it because the man was so good- looking? He didn't look Japanese; he was tall with blond hair and light eyes, not what one would usually expect. He hadn't even thought to ask Yuki why he was of this colouring. Strange. He would have thought it would have been the first thing that came to mind to ask. Yet for some reason it just hadn't crossed his mind, as though he had automatically accepted that that was the way Yuki looked. Perhaps, somewhere in the back of his mind, he did remember how Yuki looked. Maybe that is why he didn't question it. So that would mean he had known Yuki before. That thought comforted him in a way.

But that still didn't explain why he was obviously, deliberately, avoiding having Annette meet Yuki - and it was deliberate, he had to admit that. Annette was an attractive girl; intelligent, witty, funny, everything any guy would like. It's what Shuichi liked about her. Yuki would no doubt think exactly the same thing. After all, there was no reason why he shouldn't. He didn't think Yuki would make a move on Annette, but he couldn't be completely sure, and he had to admit that he wondered if Annette wouldn't think Yuki was pretty cool. Because he was. Cool, that is. He had this calm, aloof demeanor that just set him apart from everyone around him. His golden good-looks would be enough for anyone, of any nationality, to take note of. Annette was bound to think Yuki was attractive. Hell, Shuichi thought the man was attractive, and he was a guy!

So Annette would automatically like Yuki that was for certain, but just how much? Was that what was worrying him? That Annette would like Yuki better than him? Was he afraid of losing Annette to Yuki? Was he that insecure in his relationship with her?

Ouch! He pulled his thumb from his mouth, tasting the metallic tang of blood. He could see the dark droplet at the side of the nail where he had ripped it. That hurt! He sucked on the digit as he continued on his way.

That must be why he felt guilty every time he met Yuki, why he felt guilty at how pleased he felt when he was with the man. It was because he was leaving Annette out, so it felt like he was deceiving her, like he was trying to hide Yuki from her. He shouldn't be feeling so happy to be with Yuki when he was excluding Annette. It was funny really, in a way it was almost like how he felt being with Annette, and that was just plain weird!

He had to do something about this. He was with Annette, and she had a right to know about what was happening to him at this time. He had to stop looking forward so much to seeing Yuki to the exclusion of her. It wasn't fair to her. It was too late for her to come with him tomorrow to meet Yuki though. Again, a flash of guilt hit him. He really wasn't being fair to Annette. This worry was beginning to eat at him.

He reached the apartment and let himself in. The place was in darkness as he had expected. He walked quietly into the bedroom, entered and sat down gently on the edge of the bed. It was late, very late, or very early depending on your point of view. He knew that Annette would have to be up in only a few hours. He, however, would be able to sleep as long as he wished. He looked at Annette sleeping there, reaching out to gently stroke her hair back from her cheek, marveling once again at how soft her skin was. She murmured sleepily. He leant over and placed a soft kiss on her cheek. She murmured again, a little louder. Another kiss made her eyes flutter open.

"You're home." she murmured sleepily.

He smiled down at her, "Sorry I woke you."

She yawned cutely. "How did it go?" she asked, obviously having trouble trying to concentrate.

"Fine. My family will be coming over soon. I'll tell you about it later."

"Uh, huh." She yawned again. "How was Yuki?"

Shuichi felt a stab of guilt. "He's fine. I'm going to catch up with him again tomorrow. Is that okay?"

Annette brought up a hand to rub her eyes, blinking to focus on Shuichi again. "Of course it is." She looked up at him, though how much of his face she could see in the darkness, he didn't know. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Shu, you're worrying about something. I can hear it in your voice."

He stroked her hair, letting it slide through his fingers. Annette reached up a hand and placed it over his, stilling his movement. "Won't you tell me?" she asked him quietly.

He signed. "Haven't you wondered why I haven't taken you to meet Yuki?"

Annette stroked his hand. "I was letting you decide when you were ready for me to do so. None of this has been easy for you, and this man is someone who is very important to you right now. He's your only link to your past. I wasn't going to try and put pressure on you about meeting him. Not that I haven't been dying of curiousity!" He could hear the laughter in her voice, and couldn't help but smile down at her.

"Part of it is that, I guess, but there's also another reason."

"Oh?"

"I'm jealous."

"Jealous? Why?"

"Yuki's really good-looking, and I'm worried that you'll like him more than me."

A small pillow struck him over the face, and he let out a startled 'oomph!'.

"You idiot," Annette said, half in anger, half in humour. "Why on earth would I suddenly fall for some other guy? It's not like I haven't had the opportunity before now if I was that way inclined. What makes you think he's so special that I would forget how much I love you and go throwing myself at him?"

"I don't know." Now that she said it like that, it did seem highly ridiculous to him. What could he have been thinking before? It had sounded so logical when he had first thought it. Hadn't it?

Annette gripped his hands hard. "Shu, I love you, you know that. I'm not about to forget all that just because I might see another pretty face."

"Oh, so you think my face is pretty too?"

"Very!" she said with a small laugh, reaching up to run her fingers lightly down the side of his face. "Besides, I bet you that this Yuki can't sing like you can!"

"Don't know. He might."

'No," she said firmly. "No one can sing like you can, Shu. No one."

"I'll arrange with Yuki a time when we can all meet again. All three of us."

She smiled up at him, rolling onto her back. "I'm glad." she said, reaching up to wrap both arms around his neck and drawing him down into a deep passionate kiss.

He leant into it, feeling her soft lips part under his, allowing him to dip his tongue deeper into her mouth. He dropped a hand between them and tugged the bed covers down so he could take their place, covering her lithe body. He stretched himself fully over her, feeling one of her hands slide down his back, then tugging at his shirt. He wanted this, he needed this; he loved Annette. She was everything he could want, and he knew she loved him.

He kissed her harder, forcefully taking control, driving them towards their climax. She made a surprised sound at first, but then ardently followed his lead.

He felt the pleasure stream out of him, felt Annette's heart beating rapidly in time with his, as they lay there in a tangle of sweating limbs. He rolled to one side, wrapping his arms around her, drawing her in closer as she snuggled into his embrace. It was going to be alright, he tried to convince himself.


	25. Chapter 25

Title: The Key to My Heart: Chapter 26

Author: JadeHeart

Located/Archived: Found on & If anyone else would like it, please ask me first

Fandom: Gravitation

Rating: M

Warnings: angst, bad language

**Disclaimer: **I do not own the characters in this, except that of Annette and Agent Jim Harris who are my original characters. All other main characters belong to the creators of 'Gravitation', and I am not making any profits from this story.

Chapter 26

Yuki's eyes opened slowly and he yawned widely, stretching arms and legs as he did so. He glanced at the clock on the bedside table, it was almost noon. Yuki yawned again, hearing his jaw click, then swung his legs over the edge to get out of bed, automatically reaching for his cigarettes. He would have time to get ready and have a leisurely lunch before wandering down to the café to meet Shuichi later this afternoon.

He opened the curtains to view the day outside, stepping out onto the balcony and blowing a lungful of smoke into the air. It was a bright, clear midday, not too hot, not too cold. It should be very pleasant to be able to sit down at the waterfront and relax for a while.

He had slept well last night, better than he had for the past nearly six months, his sleep not disturbed by nightmares that would leave him sweating and feeling haunted for hours after, although he could remember none of them.

He could remember dreaming, smatterings of images and feelings still hovering around the edges of his conscious mind. The strongest remnant was mainly that of a crowd of pink rabbits telling him to stop being a coward and accusing him of being a fool. That part had been a little disturbing actually!

However, there had been other bits that he could recall; images of Shuichi as he had used to be, from the first time Yuki had met him, to the last time he had seen him when he had left to leave on that fateful flight. Yuki would have thought that remembering all those things would have made him feel upset, or angry, or even depressed. Yet for some reason, he had woken up feeling reasonably…happy. Or perhaps calm, might be a better word for it. It seemed that all those memories reminded him of the reason why he was here in the first place.

It hadn't been just to find Shuichi, though that had been a big part of it. It had been to bring Shuichi back; back with him, back home. That is why he had come all this way. Shuichi belonged with him. Not just with him, but to him. Yuki knew that sounded possessive to the extreme and bordered on the obsessive as well, but it was what he honestly felt. There was no-one else for him except Shuichi, so why would he not want the youth with him permanently? It made perfect sense to him. It was funny really. The only other people who seemed to understand and accept that part of him, was Shuichi himself, and Tohma. He was right – the two of them were almost exactly the same.

As he showered and brushed his teeth, he began to feel more resolved. Today would be the best time to talk to Shuichi, away from the pressures of him having just finished work and trying to get home to his girlfriend. Today, Yuki would find a way to tell Shuichi who he was really was, and how important he was in Yuki's life.

Shuichi had been on time today, so Yuki hadn't had to wait long at all. They had sat down at a table and ordered their usual, although this time Yuki did indulge in a strawberry shortcake.

"So you do like them!" Shuichi said with a broad smile, as the cake was placed before Yuki.

Yuki shrugged as he picked up his fork and severed a large portion, before stabbing it forcefully with his implement and bringing it to his mouth. "They're alright." he replied before filling his mouth.

Shuichi smiled broadly at him, doing the same with his chocolate piece. "Only alright? Looks like you're enjoying that a little too much to just be 'alright'!"

Yuki could do nothing except give a glare as his mouth was still occupied with masticating the cake, and he wasn't about to spray Shuichi with crumbs by trying to talk in that state. Shuichi grinned around his mouthful, obviously realizing this.

It almost feels like normal, Yuki was thinking, whilst he chewed. The banter, the glares. Shuichi hadn't even flinched when Yuki had glared at him, and stronger people had wilted before that look previously. Maybe that was part of Shuichi's buried memories; the ability to withstand Yuki's multifarious glares. Surely that was a good sign that there were still things buried deep in the youth's psyche that would eventually surface with the right coaxing and prodding? Or if that failed, a slap over the back of the head might start to look good too. However, Yuki would save that one as the last resort. He'd try the coaxing and prodding first.

"Look, I don't want to impose on you, so don't feel that you have say yes, you can say no and I'll quite understand, but would you mind if I bring Annette along tomorrow? She'd like to meet you." Shuichi had managed to say all of this in one breath, rushing it out as though he thought that Yuki would interrupt him and prevent him from saying his piece.

Yuki had to clamp his teeth together to prevent his automatic response, which would have been a resounding 'NO!'. That would serve no purpose except probably upset Shuichi, and he didn't want to do that. He had absolutely no desire to meet the girl, or spend any time in her presence at all, but he guessed he could understand why Shuichi felt there was a need. After all, here was this man, in the persona of himself, taking up all his time and his girlfriend hadn't been with him once. Maybe she was starting to suspect that something was going on? If only!

So instead of telling Shuichi to not be an idiot and, no, he didn't want to meet his fucking girlfriend, and personally he hoped she would drop dead right this moment; he shrugged and said, "I didn't know we were meeting tomorrow?"

"Oh, you're right! Sorry, I just completely made that assumption by myself. I should have known that I was taking up your time. Sorry, that was selfish of me."

"I didn't say I didn't **want** to meet you tomorrow." Yuki said, taking a sip of his coffee. "I just meant that we hadn't made any arrangements yet."

"Look, forget it. It's no problem. You don't have to if you're busy. It was just a thought."

Yuki put his cup down and glared at Shuichi again, this time getting a small flinch in response. "Will you stop apologizing! You haven't done anything wrong! Look, I'm good to meet tomorrow, just tell me where and when. It's not like I've got any other pressing engagements, you know."

"Oh, don't you have other stuff to do?"

"Like what?" Yuki tried to keep the growl from his tone.

Shuichi waved his hand abstractly around. Unfortunately that hand held his fork, which also currently held a piece of cake, and a cascade of cake crumbs scattered across the table and onto the floor. "Oh, I don't know, touristy stuff, or work stuff, or…I don't know."

"Shuichi, I only came here to try and find you, remember? I didn't come here to sight-see, or to work. So I don't have anything else to do, okay?"

Shuichi's cake arc paused, and then returned slowly to his plate. "Ah, yes, I sort of forgot that bit." He frowned at his cake, then looked over at Yuki, eyes a little sad. "Funny, isn't it? I almost forgot that's why you're here. It just seemed….." he half-shrugged. "I don't know, like we were just talking. Like normal."

Like normal? Could he mean like they used to do in the past? Was he remembering anything? But there was still no clear light of recognition in Shuichi's eyes when he looked at Yuki, and so he swallowed against the lump in his throat.

"So, are you going to tell me what time to meet the two of you tomorrow?" Yuki said, trying to shake them both out of the dark mood that had seemed to settle across their table.

"You sure?" Shuichi asked searchingly.

"Yeah, I'm sure. Just tell me the details. Or do you need to discuss it with ...her before you organize it?" He hoped Shuichi didn't pick up the slight pause on the pronoun as he had difficulty censoring what he really wanted to put in there.

"No, that's fine, we've already talked about it. She's got a free period tomorrow straight after lunch, so why don't we meet here at midday? Will that be okay with you?"

"Not a problem."

Shuichi's face lit up with a smile of obvious relief. "Great! Annette will be really pleased!"

Fuck Annette, Yuki snarled in his mind as he quickly filled his mouth with more cake to prevent himself from verbalizing anything he shouldn't, and almost choking in his hurry.

They both ate for a moment more when Shuichi spoke up again, reaching for his coffee. "You started to say something last night when I had to leave. By the way, sorry I rushed off so suddenly, I just didn't want to be too late home. I don't like waking Annette up when I come in late as she's coming up to exams soon."

Bloody Annette again! Didn't he ever shut up about her! Yuki took a firm grip on his irritation. He had to remain calm, he couldn't scare Shuichi off. He mentally took a deep breath.

"I was just going to tell you that besides your family coming over, your band-mates are going to be as well."

Shuichi's eyes widened suddenly over the rim of his cup and Yuki saw his hand give a small shake. "When?" and the word came out in a squeak.

"Don't panic." Yuki reassured him. "They're going to be heading over a couple of days after your family gets here, so you don't have to worry about them all descending on you at once. Even Tohma wouldn't do that to you." He might do a lot of other things to you, but not that, Yuki mentally said to himself, taking another swallow of coffee.

Shuichi was still sitting there, looking a little shell-shocked. Yuki pursed his lips; this wasn't looking particularly good. Hmm, not a good reaction at all. Perhaps it was all too much for the youth.

"Look, you know these people and they know you, really well. Remember I told you that your best friend is part of the band? He's going to be there, and you go way back with him. He's not going to do anything to you, and he's going to understand the situation. None of them are going to push you into anything. They just want to see you again."

Shuichi still sat in silence, unmoving. Yuki waited a moment. He wondered if he was going to have to order a carafe of ice water to tip over the boy to try and get some reaction from him. Finally Shuichi's hand reached out to pick up his cup, only a slight tremble still present. Yuki saw him swallow hard to clear his throat before speaking.

"So you really think it will be okay?"

"It'll be fine. Though I think I should warn you that they might seem a little crazy at first, so don't freak out too much when you first meet them."

Shuichi frowned at him, trepidation in his eyes. "Just how…crazy?"

What to tell him, and what not to, thought Yuki, running the different personalities that were about to inundate Shuichi in a few days time through his mind Better prepare him for the worst.

"Well, Nakano is your best friend and he's a pretty steadfast person, so you'll have no problems with him. Fujisaki is generally pretty quiet, he's the youngest of you all so I don't think there's any problems there. Your producer, Sakano - well, let's just say that most of the time I think he should be on medication."

"Med…i…cation?" Shuichi said faintly, not looking the least reassured.

"I don't mean that in a bad way. He's just very highly strung. Don't worry, you won't have any problems with him. That man lives only to please others. I think he'll come back as a doormat in his next life and be perfectly happy."

'Hmm. So, anyone else?"

"Only your manager, K."

"What's he like?"

Oh, boy, now there was the billion yen question! So just what answer was he going to give to this one!

"He's an American, so you have to expect him to be strange."

"Oh, I don't know." Shuichi shrugged a little. "I've been living over here and haven't found them that odd. Just some of the things they say and do are a little hard to figure out."

"Well, K is pretty much the extreme in most things. He's got a fetish for firearms, so don't think anything of it if he suddenly starts waving a gun around and firing shots. Speaking of which, I had better make certain the hotel is warned so they don't call the cops if he starts putting holes in the ceiling. I'll tell them to send the repair bill to Tohma."

Shuichi's eyes had enlarged to almost twice their size at this recitation. "Are you serious!" he managed to gasp out. "Are you truly, fucking serious? And this….**maniac**….is my manager!"

"Yep. Despite all that, he's a damn good one too, and you have him to thank for a lot of your success as 'Bad Luck' in your early days. So just cut him some slack, ignore most of the things he does, and filter out most of what he says, because he sometimes can spout a load of crap like you wouldn't believe."

Shuichi let out a deep sigh, shaking his head. "I don't know if I can handle all that." he said looking over at Yuki. "They all seem a little…..over the top."

Yuki waved his concern aside. "Just keep telling yourself that you used to deal with these people every day and have for years, and you never batted an eye at their antics before. Just accept that's the way they are, and don't let it bother you. You can do this, it's no big deal."

"Well, I guess I don't really have any choice. I can't keep ignoring them forever, or trying to hide from them. Though after hearing what you've said, running away is really beginning to look attractive!"

Although Yuki knew that Shuichi had said the last in a semi-joking - he hoped - manner, the thought of the youth disappearing again just made his chest hurt.

"Oh, well." Shuichi said with another sigh, taking another mouthful and leaning back a little in his chair. "I guess I had better just prepare myself for the worst, and face them all head on!"

"Best way to do it." Yuki agreed, relieved that Shuichi had seemed to accept it all and find some inner equilibrium again. That was a good sign.

They finished eating the last of their respective cakes in silence. Yuki immediately lit up a cigarette to have whilst indicating he wanted a second coffee.

"Hey!" Shuichi suddenly said, leaning forward and reaching in front of Yuki. Before Yuki could stop him, Shuichi had picked up his lighter, looking intently at the sticker plastered on the side. After lighting his cigarette, Yuki had just dropped it with his packet of smokes on the table before him, within easy reach. He hadn't thought quick enough to hide it from Shuichi's sight.

Shuichi turned it over in his hands, coming back to the sticker. What he was staring at was a picture, a picture of them together. The picture taken in the photo booth when they went on their first date many years ago.

Shuichi had never seemed to notice before that Yuki still had the same lighter from back then. He even went to a special shop in Tokyo to ensure it was painstakingly taken apart, refilled, then put back together in working order.

It had sometimes seemed like such a useless process. The cheap disposable lighters would have been a lot more convenient and easier for him than going to all the trouble he was, but for some reason he just couldn't bring himself to throw that particular lighter away. He had tried to once, dropping it into the bin when it was empty, resolutely turning his back on it and using another lighter for the rest of the time. But by the end of that day, he had fished it out again, and gone and had it refilled once more.

"How come we're in a photo together? And why have you got it on your lighter?" Shuichi asked with nothing but curiousity in his voice. Yuki bit his lip, caught off-guard at the situation. "You know, you look so pissed off. Was I bugging you or something? You look like you really hated something, what ever it was!" He looked up suddenly at Yuki. "You don't hate me, do you?"

"No!" Yuki said sharply. "It was …just a difficult day."

Did he really look like he hated being there that day with Shuichi? Is that how it looked to an outsider? He hadn't hated that day, it was one of the best memories he had. Once he had agreed to the date and they had headed off, he had had a good time. Maybe not in the same boisterous, bounding way Shuichi had enjoyed it, but he had still enjoyed it in his own way. Part of that enjoyment was from watching his younger partner enjoying himself. His good humour was sort of infectious.

"So what's the deal?" Shuichi wanted to know, the lighter with its glaring evidence still grasped in his hand.

Now was the perfect time, Yuki thought. Now would be the time to tell him that they lived together, that Yuki was his lover. Now he could tell him everything about their life together, how he was meant to be with him. That he belonged to him! Yes, now was the time.

He looked at Shuichi's earnest face opposite him, opened his mouth to confess everything – and stopped.

He couldn't do it. He couldn't tell him, as his throat closed on the words. If Shuichi thought he looked so pissed off in that photo, he was hardly going to believe they were living together! Shuichi still didn't remember anything about their relationship, that was pretty obvious. If Yuki tried to tell him now, he would just think he was lying, or get so fucking scared he'd refuse to have anything more to do with Yuki, let alone return to Japan. Yuki had to be very careful to ensure he gave the youth no reason what-so-ever to do either. He couldn't afford to screw this up and lose Shuichi forever. There was still hope. He couldn't ruin that now.

So……….he lied.

Trying to hide the trembling of his hand, Yuki put his cigarette down on the ashtray, clasping both hands around his coffee cup.

"Well, we sort of see a fair bit of each other at times." he said, trying to think desperately of what to say.

Shuichi cocked his head to one side. "How do you mean? I thought you said you knew me through your brother-in-law and the band?"

"Yeah, I do, but there's a bit more to it than that."

"What?"

"Well, the first time we met was by accident, before you got involved with Tohma."

"How?"

"We bumped into each other in the park back home. You had lost some lyrics you were working on, and I happened to pick them up."

"So you read them?"

"Yeah."

"Did we talk about them or something?"

"We…talked about them."

"So did you like them?"

Yuki had to think hard for moment, wondering whether he should be completely honest or not. No, that would probably be a bit too harsh, so he hedged again, "I….suggested some changes to them."

"Oh. Are you also a songwriter?"

"No, I write novels."

"Really? Wow! You never told me. What sort of books? Bet they're mystery thrillers, filled with danger, death and political intrigue! That seems like the sort of guy you are."

"Actually, I'm a romance novelist."

Shuichi stared at him, cup paused halfway to his mouth. "You're kidding!"

Yuki shook his head. "Not at all."

"But…romance?" Shuichi looked so disappointed at seeing his vision of Yuki's masculinity being crushed.

"Hey!" Yuki said a little sharply, feeling disgruntled by the youth's reaction. "I'm fucking good at what I do."

Shuichi raised an eyebrow in disbelief. "Really? There's a market for that sort of stuff?"

"Of course there is, you idiot. How many millions of women do you think are out there? Most of them devour any book that they think is romantic. My writings appeal to a large population in the world and they sell well."

"Just how well?"

Shuichi really couldn't remember anything about Yuki, or his life. "I'm on the top of the Japanese book listing, and every book is a best seller upon release. I'm not just some hack writer. Check it out sometime and you'll see."

"Well, I guess I could." Shuichi looked at Yuki again, then shrugged. "Sorry, but I just can't see you as a romance writer. It just doesn't seem…you."

"Yeah, well, that's what I do for a living. Just as you sing in a band."

"Okay, as long as you're happy doing what you're doing, who am I to question it." He took a sip of his drink, "But have you ever tried writing something a little more manly?"

"Shut up! It's my style!"

Shuichi held a hand up in surrender. "Okay, okay! Don't get all shitty at me! I was just asking."

"Huh!" Yuki snorted, picking up his cigarette again and leaning back in his chair.

Shuichi took another long drink, then put his cup down. "But that doesn't explain the picture on your lighter."

Damn it, the kid hadn't been distracted by the prior conversation. Just how could Yuki explain this so Shuichi would believe him? He wasn't entirely gullible; Yuki couldn't make up a story that was too implausible. What would Tohma say, he wondered, taking another drag on his cigarette to try and give himself time to think.

"Like I said, we'd met briefly before, then your band got picked up by the label NG Productions run by my brother-in-lawn, Tohma Seguchi. So that meant we were seeing more of each other. You started to become quite popular, and I already was, so the media used to give both of us hell making up a lot of crap and stuff. Since we….got along together," Yuki knew that was stretching the truth a little, but Shuichi wasn't going to know that. "we started sharing a place. Of course, the media made it out to be something a lot more, which was making life pretty difficult for us both. It was Tohma," Yeah, Tohma, I'm going to make you the bastard here – after all, I'm channeling you at the moment! "Who thought that a way to try and get them to eventually leave us alone would perhaps be that we should go along with it. Not to mention that it would be good for both of us, publicity-wise. There's nothing wrong with promoting yourself a bit, if you can."

"So we lived together?"

"Yeah, but with your busy schedule recording and my deadlines with books, we'd go months with hardly seeing each other anyway. And another thing, you just spent enough time there to convince the media that the whole story was true. It was just a stunt."

"Seems pretty complicated." Shuichi said, pushing Yuki's lighter around on the top of the table.

"Not really. Not when you realize just what your life was like. All of that was pretty tame compared to other things you got up to."

"And the media really bought it?"

"Hook, line and sinker." Yuki confirmed.

"So what about this photo?"

"That was taken one time when we had gone out. The paparazzi located us and were giving us hell, so we tried to hide from them by ducking into a photo booth. You're a bit of a spaz, and so thought it would be fun to take some photos to kill the time while we were in there. You'd do crazy things like that."

Shuichi just grinned at him. "Still do!"

"Thought so."

"So you put this on your lighter?"

"No, idiot, you did! You thought it would be funny to do so as it would only add to the story of us being in a relationship."

Shuichi laughed. "That does sound like something that I would do!" he said. "You didn't mind too much, did you?"

Yuki shrugged, "Nah, not really."

"No wonder you look so pissed off in the photo," Shuichi said, picking up the lighter once more to look at the picture. "You must have hated having to hide from the press again."

"It's not one of my favourite past-times." Yuki answered.

"I look pretty happy though."

Oh, you were very happy that day, Yuki thought, remembering the date they had had. "You always tend to be happy. Sometimes it's annoying. However, you're a bit more used to dealing with the press chasing after you because of 'Bad Luck'. If you didn't like the limelight and all the attention, you'd never have chosen to be a singer. Stuff like that really doesn't faze you much."

"So I guess we get along pretty well then."

"Most times." Yuki replied, then continued honestly. "Sometimes we get on each other's nerves. You're sometimes too loud and boisterous."

"And I bet you're sometimes too grumpy and broody!" Shuichi threw back at him quickly.

Yuki blinked for a moment in surprise. Shuichi had just hit it right on the nail. "Maybe. A bit." he conceded grudgingly.

"Yeah, right. I bet you're usually unbearable to be with, especially if you're busy or concentrating on something."

"I like to have peace and quiet when I'm working."

"You know what? We must have been the oddest 'couple' in the press! How on earth could they believe that we were in a relationship?"

Yuki shrugged. "Maybe because we were so different. Probably just because we were both popular public figures so it sold well. We were pandering to the public's fantasies."

Shuichi shuddered a little, "You make it sound ghastly."

"It didn't really bother us much. In the beginning it was a real pain, but once things settled down and we'd been putting on this front for a few years, it's not such a big deal now."

"Well, I guess that's good news." Shuichi pushed Yuki's lighter towards him. "But one thing I'm curious about."

"What?" Yuki asked, picking up the lighter and slipping it into his pocket out of sight.

"Why the hell do I have pink hair!"


	26. Chapter 26

Title: The Key to My Heart: Chapter 27

Author: JadeHeart

Located/Archived: Found on & If anyone else would like it, please ask me first

Fandom: Gravitation

Rating: M

Warnings: angst, bad language

**Disclaimer: **I do not own the characters in this, except that of Annette and Agent Jim Harris who are my original characters. All other main characters belong to the creators of 'Gravitation', and I am not making any profits from this story.

Chapter 27

When Yuki returned to the hotel that evening it was 8.00 pm. The afternoon spent with Shuichi had been good – great in fact. Okay, it was fantastic, wonderful, exciting - and down-right fucking depressing!

He had felt nothing but delight in being able to spend so long with the youth; sitting together, talking, drinking coffee, and eventually eating some dinner although they had both actually indulged in seconds of their favourite cakes during the course of the afternoon so weren't really hungry by the time evening fell.

It had been just like something normal people in a relationship would do. Although he had to admit that it probably wasn't completely 'normal' for them. They had probably talked more together, in a more amicable manner and for longer periods of time, over the last couple of days, than they had in all the years they had been together! Yuki had mentally decided that would be something he would like to try and change for the future. He had found he had enjoyed talking with Shuichi! He didn't think he would want to do it all the time, but definitely they should try and do it more once they were back home.

It had also been nice to be able to have the opportunity to look at Shuichi fully in the light of day, instead of under the false lighting and shades of night. Shuichi's skin was darker than he remembered. The youth had always tanned well, not like Yuki's fair skin that tended to just turn bright-red when he spent too long in the sun. Again, Yuki noticed the difference the change in hair style and colour made to Shuichi's appearance. It suited him.

As Shuichi shifted and moved, Yuki would occasionally glimpse the scarring on the youth's neck and this still concerned him. Just how badly had Shuichi been hurt, he wondered How far did those scars go across his body? Was he really recovered fully from them? Yuki ached to be able to see, to trace those marks, run his hands over Shuichi's body to reassure himself that his partner was all right now. It still made his heart ache to know that Shuichi had been through all that pain and suffering alone and frightened, and he hadn't been there for him. However, for all the signs of Shuichi's lucky escape, he seemed to have adapted well, and behaved almost as he would normally have done. There appeared to be no real signs of discomfort or lingering pain, so Yuki had to be satisfied with that.

They had talked of many things during the course of their time together, the conversation jumping from topic to topic. Yuki had prompted Shuichi to tell him more of his time living in New York; what he had done, where he had gone, who he had met. Shuichi had been quite enthusiastic about it all, and his second piece of cake frequently suffered the same fate as his first. Yuki thought that more of the cake ended up as crumbs strewn around Shuichi than actually in the boy's stomach!

However he didn't try and curb the youth's enthusiastic rendition of his life and times in the Big Apple. It had just been nice to be able to sit there and listen to his familiar voice bubbling excitedly, and be able to watch his animated face with no impediment. Yuki had been quite content to just watch and smoke, letting Shuichi do most of the talking until the boy had left around 7.30pm to drop into the club briefly before he returned home. To Annette.

Damn, fucking Annette! Always Annette. Her name would come up frequently in Shuichi's conversation and every time it did, it jarred right through Yuki, grating on his nerves and making him want to throw something at someone. Which probably would have been Shuichi as he was sitting in front of him at the time! Not a good thing to do, and certainly would have been unlikely to have convinced the boy that Yuki was a nice person to know! So Yuki had made certain to keep his hands clear of easily reachable accessories that had the capacity to become flying projectiles. Besides he needed his ashtray. Still, apart from that it had been a good afternoon.

Now, sitting in the bar of the hotel, drink before him, staring at his ice blocks, he was feeling depressed. He was a fucking idiot! With a groan, he cradled his head in his hands, covering his face. What the hell had he been thinking! He should have told him, it had been the perfect time to tell Shuichi of them. The boy had opened up the opportunity himself, so why the fuck didn't he tell him!

Surely he could have managed to explain it to Shuichi so it wouldn't have freaked him out straight away. After all, as soon as Shuichi got back to Japan and returned to their apartment, it would have been evident, even to the youth, that he had obviously been living there, and not just on pretense. His stuff was all through Yuki's apartment, and with only one bed and the boy's things resting on the table beside it and his clothes in the wardrobe, he would have figured out pretty quickly that they couldn't have had a very 'platonic' living relationship at all. Especially as a tube of lube was always resting on the bedside table for easy access!

So surely Yuki could have explained this to Shuichi and invited him to return to Japan to see for himself. That would have been enough to bring back some memories, wouldn't it? And once Shuichi remembered that - remembered them - then everything would have been alright again. They could then get on with their lives together, with no more worries. And the first thing he wanted to do with Shuichi was fuck him for so long that he kept the boy in bed for a week!

He picked up his glass and threw the contents down his throat in one go, thumping it back on the bar with just a little less force than would be required to break it, and signaled for another to be placed before him, which was immediately done. He felt his stomach churn, burning pain gnawing at him. He grimaced. Fucking ulcer! The second thing he intended to do to Shuichi when they got back was to beat him black and blue for giving him another ulcer!

He picked up his drink, swirling the ice cubes around in the amber liquid. Well, he had managed to screw that one up completely today. He hadn't told Shuichi about them. In fact, he had lied. Completely and utterly lied. About everything. About their relationship, about them living together, about how they met, what they had said. Hell, he had lied about how he admitted he was Shuichi's lover on national TV! Why the hell had he lied!

He tossed his second drink back as he had the first, and a third replaced it. Gods, he was a fucking moron! He had screwed this up so much. Fuck Tohma! He may not be here, but Yuki knew that it had been a mistake to try and think like the man! Tohma could take the task of making toast and turn it into a three ring circus, or a soap drama that would enthrall millions. If there was a way to make the simple complicated, Tohma Seguchi could do it! Bad, bad news to try and channel Tohma's thinking! The only person that had complete control of that thought process was Tohma himself. Everyone else just got completely screwed up by it!

But he hadn't been able to stop himself. It had all just come out so easily, and it had all been perfectly plausible as well! Shuichi certainly had seemed to believe it, and, hell, even Yuki had started to think it was the truth! What did that tell him when the lies sounded more true than the truth? Was that saying that the truth couldn't truly be real?

He drank down his third drink, feeling the fuzziness of the alcohol rush through his brain, fogging his thinking, even whilst it continued to ravage his abused stomach. Who know? Who fucking knows? He groaned to himself again. Truth, lies; what was the truth? Is the truth what you have lived, or what should be? Had their whole relationship been nothing more than a fucking lie right from the start? Did Shuichi not really love him and that was why he couldn't remember Yuki, or anything about their life together? Or had Shuichi hated it that much that deep in his subconscious he didn't want to ever remember it?

Arghhhh! Yuki screamed inside his head, feeling the pounding in his temples, and the burning in his eyes. His stomach rolled over again in protest.

He got to his feet, a little unsteadily, picking up the refilled drink before him. He looked inside seeing his reflection in the liquid. He was truly pathetic. He let out a short bitter laugh at his own stupidity, then gave a crooked grin to the image of himself, lifting his glass in salute. Here's to you, fuckwit! And he downed the contents before pushing away from the bar and staggered to his room. Ignoring the fact he was still fully clothed, he let himself fall onto the bed, closing his eyes.

He's such a fucking moron!

"Hey, Shu," a soft voice dragged him from his slumber, with a hand gently rocking his shoulder.

"Hhhmmmph?" he murmured, not feeling like opening his eyes yet.

"I know you're awake now."

He cracked an eye open to see Annette sitting on the edge of the bed. One thin strap of her nightgown had slipped alluring from her shoulder. He smiled at her, reaching out to push it back up to its place, deliberately trailing his fingertips lightly over her skin as he did so.

She slapped at his hand, though her delighted smile told him she wasn't displeased in any way. "We don't have time for that." she said, leaning down to give him a quick good morning kiss.

"Hmmm…you sure?" he murmured against her lips, attempting to wrap his arms more tightly about her and drag her down onto the bed.

She wriggled out of his grasp. "I said we don't have time. Remember you wanted to come to the library with me this morning, so we have to go now. I can't be late for classes so we have to do it first thing."

Shuichi stretched and yawned widely, as Annette stood to leave the room. "I'll get breakfast, you go and shower first. That might wake you up!" She paused at the door to look back at him over her shoulder with a coy smile. "If you're really good today, I might give you a surprise tonight!" and with that parting remark she sashayed out of the room.

Shuichi watched her satin clad derriere with delight, and not a little desire. He could feel the smile on his face, and chuckled to himself. Time for a shower. He glanced down at the bedcovers tented at his nether regions, and rolled his eyes at his own state. Better take care of something else whilst he was there.

He swung himself out of bed and made his way to the bathroom. He could hear sounds from the kitchen as Annette organized breakfast for them both and his smile grew broader. Hmm, he thought, as he turned on the taps to the shower. Tonight should be fun for the two of them! Now, that was something worth looking forward to!

Shuichi and Annette crowded around the screen before them. There were very few people in the University's library at this time in the morning. Annette had quite early classes so it was only the most dedicated students that came in this early, so they had no trouble succoring a computer for their use. Annette's fingers flew over the keys. Although Shuichi was familiar enough with computers, she was the far better typist so he left the control to her.

"Let's look up 'Bad Luck' for starters." she said, typing the words into the search engine and adding 'Japan' for good measure. "If you are supposed to be quite popular over there, there's bound to be something written up."

They waited only a heartbeat before the listing flashed up.

"Oh…my!" Annette said in wonder, staring at the number of pages it indicated. It numbered in the hundreds of thousands. She threw a quick glance at Shuichi. "Did you know about this?"

He shook his head, looking no less amazed. "Are you sure they're all to do with the band though? It's probably picked up a heap of other stuff as well."

"Let's try and narrow it down a little then." she said, modifying the search.

They waited again and the listing popped up. The numbers hadn't decreased substantially. "Well," Annette said with a deep breath. "Shall we see what some of it says?", clicking on the first entry.

They began to work their way through the web pages; some of them created by fans, others by music companies, the official site supported by N-G Productions. There were photos, interview transcripts, the band's song lyrics, even their biographies. Shuichi read his with curiousity and Annette even printed out a copy for him to take.

"I can hardly believe there's so much about you." Annette said, clicking into another site that showed images of one of 'Bad Luck's' concerts with Shuichi standing at the front, microphone in hand. "You really are a big star over there!"

"Didn't believe me?" Shuichi said with a grin.

Annette shrugged a little. "I didn't think you were lying, but this is just incredible. All your albums, singles, your concerts – they're sold out within days, as soon as they hit the stores, or open. You are really, really popular! And look at all the fan sites on the net! Thousands of them. You've got a huge following."

"It's great, isn't it?" Shuichi said, eyes devouring the words and pictures on the screen as they moved to another. "It must be fantastic to be up on stage, singing my songs. They say I'm the one who writes the lyrics so they're all my songs, Annette. Mine!"

Annette could see the tell-tale signs of immense excitement building in Shuichi. He flashed a blinding smile at her. "It makes me a little nervous though."

"Why?"

"How the hell can I live up to all this? I don't remember how I did it."

"Don't worry about it. Something like this you don't forget, it's a part of you. You remembered your songs, didn't you?"

"Yeah."

"Then this would be same. It's not like you suffer from stage fright. I've seen you at the club, you love the attention!"

"Hey, that's not fair!"

She dimpled at him. "I don't mind. I love giving you the attention too." and she let her voice drop to a sultry whisper.

Shuichi's breath caught in his chest at the flush of desire. He squeezed her knee under the table. "Tonight, remember." he said, then smiled. "Behave, or I'll drag you home now."

She pouted at him. "I've got classes."

"I don't care."

She stuck her tongue out at him as they clicked onto another site. It didn't take them long to come across the stories of he and Yuki.

As soon as Shuichi had returned home the previous evening, he had told Annette of his conversation with Yuki. He had wanted to warn her of the sham story about the two of them and their supposed 'relationship'. Now he had had time to think about it a little more, he had realized that it could have far reaching consequences and he hadn't wanted Annette to suddenly be finding out about it unexpectedly. The least he could do was to warn her of it. It wouldn't be fair other-wise.

She had taken it fairly calmly, asking a few questions that he answered to the best of his ability. It was then that she suggested that they could do some searching on the internet to see just what had been said about Shuichi, which had resulted with them both being here this morning.

"Well, you were right." Annette said, as they finished reading the tenth article about he and Yuki. "The media over there apparently just loves the two of you and is completely hooked on this story."

Shuichi looked at her. "Are you okay with it?"

Annette pursed her lips a moment before answering. "Well, I think it's really very liberal of the Japanese public to accept your 'relationship', even if it is a sham. I mean, it is still a pretty big thing to come out in public like that and declare it." She looked over at Shuichi, "Did Yuki really say that you were lovers on national TV?"

He shrugged, "I don't remember." he said a little helplessly, "But according to that, he did!"

"Wow, that must have taken a lot of courage! It's not something that most guys would be brave enough to announce to the world for all to see, no matter if they are kidding. Especially as he knew full well that it would be taken as the truth."

"So you don't mind?"

"Well…" she chewed her bottom lip gently and sat back, frowning. "I can't say that I exactly agree with the deception you've pulled. I don't think it's really right to lie about things at all, and certainly not lie about something so serious and personal like your feelings or relationships. I know that you are obviously a very popular and public figure, going by everything that we've been reading so far, and everything you do and say would be open to public scrutiny and you probably have very little privacy, but to live a lie? I somehow don't feel that's being very ethical."

"I agree." Shuichi said. Annette looked over at him, and he reached out to take her hand with a smile. "I agree entirely with what you are saying. I don't want to live a lie, pretending to be someone or something other than I am. If I go back, I certainly don't want to keep doing it. I didn't realize that I was that type of person."

He frowned, glancing down. "That bothers me you know. That I might have been the sort of person that could have lied so easily and just pretended. I don't think that makes me a very nice individual, and now I can't help but wonder what other things have I done? What else am I really like?"

Annette squeezed his hand and reached out to place her other on his cheek, making him look at her again. She smiled reassuringly at him. "Stop it. You aren't a bad person, and this," she indicated her head towards the computer. "doesn't make you one either. I'm sure that the only reason you went along with it was purely because the media started all the rumours in the first place, and probably your manager or whoever they are, told you to do so as well. Sometimes it is just easier to go with the flow, than try and argue and fight against it. From what we've been reading, it sounds like even if you and Yuki had tried to deny it, the media wasn't going to believe it anyway. That's probably why you both just decided to let it continue. Why should you have given up your friendship because of the stupidity they were writing about? That wouldn't have been right. I think that perhaps the two of you might have made some mistakes and only fueled the situation which wouldn't have helped things."

Shuichi smiled crookedly, "You mean like kissing Yuki on that cooking show, and Yuki declaring we were lovers on the morning TV?"

Annette laughed softly, mischief in her eyes. "You could say that!" She shook her head ruefully. "Honestly, you two really managed to get yourself into such a mess with this! No wonder the both of you are such good friends; you obviously have the same sense of stupid pranks and don't think about the consequences till afterwards!"

"I think you might be right."

"Anyway," Annette continued more seriously. "Since you are so popular, you probably don't have a lot of say over some things, not if you're with the N-G Productions group. They sound like they are really big in Japan, so if they had told you to go along with it for the publicity, then you probably just had to put up with it. At least it has sort of been handled tastefully. We haven't come across any horrid pictures, or tasteless comments and such."

"Still doesn't seem right though."

"See, you don't think it's right to lie, so that shows you aren't a bad person, Shu. Don't worry about it."

"But I feel bad for Yuki as well, getting caught up with it all."

"Oh, I don't think you have to worry about him." Annette said, leaning forward to click on another listing. "I mean, everything here seems to indicate that Yuki was fine with it. And you said he seemed okay talking about it with you yesterday, didn't you?"

"Yeah, he seemed to be."

"Then as long as it wasn't actually hurting anyone, look at it as just a little white lie. You are the two people really involved in it and neither of you seemed too bothered by the stories. And I'm sure that any of those closest to you, like your families and close friends, would have known the truth so you weren't deceiving them. The public is going to make up their own minds and believe what they want to no matter what you do, whether it's a lie or the truth."

"I guess you're right. But the first thing I'm going to do when we get back to Japan is to announce that it's all over and have it cleared up. I have no intention of living a lie any longer."

Annette smiled proudly at him. "I think that would be a good move to make." She turned back to the screen. "Hey, look! Here's a list of all the books Yuki's written!" She began to scroll down, eyes widening. "Goodness! He has written a lot, and the reviews are just incredible."

Shuichi leaned in closer over her shoulder to read as well. "Well, he did say he was famous too."

"Famous? He's top of the list! Look," and she pointed to the screen, "Every one of his books has hit the best-seller list immediately upon release, and on top of that, he's been awarded numerous literary prizes and not just in Japan. His books have even been translated into other languages also. He's known world-wide!" She scrolled a bit further and jumped to another site, scanning the page. "It's just amazing!" She looked at Shuichi, eyes alight. "He's really famous, Shu! An honest-to-goodness celebrity!"

Shuichi grinned back at her and reached up to muss her hair. "So what does that make me? Chopped liver?"

"Hey, cut that out!" she said reaching up and smoothing her hair back down. "You know what I mean. I know that you're famous too, but it's still amazing to find out that one of your friends is as well. Though, then again, I suppose it's not that surprising. You probably only hang out with other famous people, so probably all your friends are."

"Aw, don't worry yourself about it. I'll still love you." he smirked at her.

"You'd better!" she threatened, reaching up to give his ear a sharp tug. "I'm not going to let your ego get too inflated!" Shuichi laughed with her.

She glanced down at her watch and hurriedly stood. "I've got to go, or I'm going to be so late!" She placed a quick peck on Shuichi's cheek. "Turn it off when you're done."

"Don't forget about lunch!" he quickly reminded her.

"I won't!" she promised as she gathered up her bag. "I'll meet you out front."

"Okay."

"See you!" and with a wave she rushed off, leaving Shuichi to browse a little more.

He stared at the photos of himself and the other members of 'Bad Luck', all dressed in their stage clothes, and he couldn't help but think –

I look pretty damn cool!


	27. Chapter 27

Title: The Key to My Heart: Chapter 28

Author: JadeHeart

Located/Archived: Found on & If anyone else would like it, please ask me first

Fandom: Gravitation

Rating: M

Warnings: angst, bad language

**Disclaimer: **I do not own the characters in this, except that of Annette and Agent Jim Harris who are my original characters. All other main characters belong to the creators of 'Gravitation', and I am not making any profits from this story.

Chapter 28

Shuichi looked at his watch. He was ten minutes early so he settled himself down in a patch of sun by the wall to wait for Annette. He hummed along to the music from his earpiece, the strains of Bad Luck's songs like a familiar voice through his mind.

He was excited. He didn't know if he was excited because he was going to see Yuki again today - and he was finding that as each day went by he wanted to see the man more and more, to talk to him, find out more; or was he excited that finally Annette was going to meet Yuki as well.

He was still feeling pumped up about this morning. Reading all that information about himself, about 'Bad Luck', about Yuki - everything had been incredible! It had seemed…familiar, and yet it had all been so new as well. Little pieces touched off a thought or a feeling, fragmented portions of his past trying to flash back into focus, too quickly for him to grasp fully. When he had played some video clips to his songs he was sure he could 'see' himself making them. Was it really memories, or just his over-active imagination? When he watched an excerpt from a concert, he could almost 'feel' the heat of the stage lights, the pounding rhythm rising through his feet, the roar of the crowd, the excitement flooding his body. It had been all he could do to stop himself jumping up in the library and start singing! Fortunately he had managed to restrain himself.

There had been a lot of photos of him and Yuki. Most of the stories dated from a few years ago, obviously at the beginning of their friendship. He had a flash of an image of the inside of an apartment. Could that have been Yuki's apartment? Was that where the two of them had shared? Maybe, but he wasn't sure. He could see a play-station on the floor of the lounge, and there was a coffee mug on the table nearby. For some reason the cup looked very familiar. Was it his, or one of Yuki's? Or again, was he just imagining the whole thing?

He ground his teeth together. Stop it, he thought sharply. Stop trying to drive yourself crazy. You know you can't force it, so just leave it alone. He had been told a long time ago whilst he was still in hospital that if his memories were to return, he would have to accept they would do so in their own time. Nothing he did was going to hurry that process.

He took a deep calming breath. So the story about he and Yuki was still going, even after this long, was it? He would have thought the press would have got sick of it by now. Surely there must have been newer and more titillating scandals during this time! So why were he and Yuki still in the news? Admittedly, not as much as at the start, but it was still a little surprising.

He found himself smiling again. That was another weird thing. Whenever he thought about that story, whenever he saw or read about him and Yuki, he just couldn't seem to help smiling. Did he really enjoy the game the two of them were playing on the public? He wasn't sure that he liked that part of himself if that was the case, despite Annette's reassurances.

On a more unnerving note, he had also found that whenever he had seen a photo of he and Yuki together, the ones where they were standing close to each other, especially the one where Yuki had his arm draped around his shoulders from his infamous national TV announcement that they were lovers, his heart had seemed to flutter in his chest like a frantic bird. Even now his cheeks flushed at the thought. And the image of him kissing Yuki on that cooking show – that just made his breath stop completely! When it had first appeared so unexpectedly on the screen as Annette had clicked onto it, the flush of warmth that had coursed through his body had been embarrassing! It had made his whole body tingle as he had felt a familiar heat begin to build deep in his belly, an ache that he knew only too well but was only used to feeling when he was with Annette. It must have been nothing more than the aftermath from the interplay with his girlfriend earlier that morning, and the promise of what the night would be. That must have been it.

He absently watched the people moving past him. He noticed the crowd increasing as more classes finished for the lunch break. He wondered what it would be like to go to University. Would he have enjoyed it? Would he have even been able to get in? He had a feeling that schooling wasn't his strong point. It wasn't that he didn't like to learn, he loved new things, but if they didn't interest him he knew that he tended to switch off a little. He had actually really enjoyed helping Annette sometimes with her studies and in doing so he had learnt a great deal. He hummed absently as another song began, still watching the campus world around him. Perhaps if he could find a music course he might enjoy going to University, he mused. That could be interesting. Hmm, perhaps he should look into it when he gets back.

He pulled himself up at that thought. Back? Back where? Where was he thinking of? He chewed his bottom lip, the music forgotten for a moment. Was he thinking of Japan? Had he already made up his mind that he was returning there? He ran a hand through his hair in frustration. But he liked it here! He didn't **want** to go back! Or did he? His hand stopped, still tangled in the longer hair at the back of his head.

He tugged lightly at a strand between his fingers, thinking. If he went back, what would be waiting for him? His band, his music, his family, his friends. Yes, all that would be there – but he didn't remember them! Yes, he liked and now could remember the music of Bad Luck on the ipod, but he didn't know if he could even write like that anymore! If he was the lyricist for the band he wouldn't be doing them much good if he could no longer write!

If he went back, what would he be leaving? His jobs, his friends, his home, Annette. All those he did remember! He was still living them, they were real to him, in the here and now, tangible. He didn't want to leave any of it!

Did he?

"Shu!" the call made him look up quickly, wrenched away from his churning thoughts. He saw Annette running across the courtyard towards him. He stood, waving to her. He deliberately put a smile on his face. He wasn't going to worry Annette.

Annette couldn't concentrate on her morning class no matter how hard she tried. Her mind kept drifting back to the morning in the library and all the things that she and Shu had discovered on the internet.

She was still quite stunned by it all. She had accepted that he had been in a band, so she expected that they might have done concerts and that sort of thing. After all, she had already seen what he was like performing; that was how they had met, when he was in Boston to play. So she knew he could perform, although she had noticed that he just seemed to….light up…so much more when he was singing any of the songs from 'Bad Luck'. It must be because they were songs he had written so have some kind of personal meaning for him.

However, for all that she had known he could perform and knew he was in a band, she truly hadn't been prepared for what they had found. He was really big! The band was so popular, and Shu just stood out as their singer, so much larger than life. Looking at those photos and clips of him performing, she could see it was still Shu…and yet it wasn't her Shu.

She chewed absently on the end of her pen, the drone of the lecturer nothing more than background noise. Shu had been pretty excited by it. She could see it in the way his eyes lit up - they honestly sparkled! It was something that had attracted her to him right at the start. He was just so honest and open! And he wore his heart on his sleeve, no matter how hard he tried not to. Every emotion he felt, it was there for all to see.

She knew that he was worrying about things even though he did try to hide it from her. She felt it in his touch, his small hesitations, a drop in his voice before he forced it back to cheerfulness. That just made her worry about him, which is why she suggested they come in this morning. Shu had to try and learn more about himself. That man, Yuki, had told him a lot of things, and she couldn't see why he would have any reason to lie about it and Shu had seemed to explicitly trust him as well, but it was better that they at least try to corroborate the story if they could. This morning had certainly done that – without any doubt.

She continued to stare off into space, her surroundings making no impression at all. She didn't know how she felt now about everything. Shu was still Shu, but all of this, everything he had been before, where did that now fit in? She had to admit that she had felt a sharp stab of jealousy when they had come across the photo of him kissing Yuki. That had been a real shock, even though Shu had already told her about the pretense the two of them had been acting out for years.

I guess I just never thought that they would carry it that far, she thought. I mean, that is pretty serious stuff, kissing on a TV show where millions of people would see! She would have been mortified herself, but the two of them hadn't seemed particularly bothered! Her lips quirked in a small smile to herself, I guess the two of them really are a couple of pranksters! What trouble they got themselves into over it all! I wonder if Shu really was okay with it and it didn't bother him, if he just thought it was a game. Or did he have some reservations about pretending like he was? She sort of hoped that he hadn't been completely okay with the lie. That wouldn't be the Shu that she knew.

Why had she felt like that - seeing him kiss Yuki? She didn't think she was the possessive or jealous type, she never had been before! So why this time?

She had to be realistic here. Shu would have had other girlfriends previously, before he had left Japan. She was absolutely positive that he hadn't been a virgin when he met her! She felt her cheeks grow warm as she blushed at that thought. A delightful shiver ran up and down her spine. No, Shu was too good in bed to have been a virgin. There was no fumbling or uncertainty; he was gentle, and kind, and loving, and warm, and sexy and….

Another shiver shook her. Stop it! she scolded herself. Get your mind out of the bedroom and back on track!

She took a deep breath and refocused. So Shu would have had other partners before her. Obviously he hadn't for a while, not since he had been acting out the story with Yuki – at least she hoped not. For one, if he had been pretending to be in a relationship with Yuki, whilst having a real girlfriend as well, that would be really horrible. Worse would be that he did have a girlfriend during that time and he hadn't broken up with her before leaving Japan! Which means that he would still be in a relationship!

Oh, no! Her mind spun frantically at this thought. What if that is the case? What if he's got another girlfriend back in Japan waiting for him? Where would that leave her?

She blinked her eyes rapidly, feeling tears threatening to fall. She couldn't start crying in class! She struggled to bring her emotions back under control. There was nothing in anything they had read this morning, and with as popular Shu and Yuki were, the media would have surely sniffed out if there had been a girlfriend hiding in the background! When Shu went missing over here, surely if he had a girlfriend she would have been frantic and been doing everything to try and find him! Annette knew that if the situation had been reversed she would have headed over to Japan to try and find him; she wouldn't have just sat back quietly!

But no girlfriend had turned up, so therefore, there was no girlfriend. She felt herself calm a little as she was able to think things through more logically. She could always ask Yuki outright today. Shu probably hadn't even though to ask such a question knowing him, so she would ask. Yuki would be sure to tell them the truth.

The sudden flurry of movement around her brought her back to the present, and she looked up in surprise as students were standing, chattering together as they pushed by to make their way to the exit. It was over already! She was stunned, she had missed the entire lecture! She gathered her papers together and pushed them into her satchel with a sigh. She would have to try and borrow someone's notes and find out what she had missed. She glanced at her watch as she stood. Shu was probably waiting for her already. Her stomach grumbled a little. She was looking forward to having some lunch!

Yuki opened his eyes and blinked. It was morning. At least he assumed it was morning. It was daylight anyway, of that he was certain. Unfortunately. He blinked again at the brightness filling the room. He hadn't drawn the curtains across the balcony door and the sunlight was streaming in. He blinked again. Stupid sun! He rolled over onto his back and stared at the ceiling. His mouth felt furry as he ran his tongue over his dry lips. He grimaced. Guess it was time to get up.

He sat up, taking note of the rumpled state of his clothing, and wrinkled his nose in distaste. How gross could he get, he wondered, standing and immediately stripping his clothing from his body, not waiting to reach the bathroom. For good measure he even kicked the pile, the violent action making him irrationally feel a little better. Naked, he walked into the bathroom, looking forward to the feel of the shower.

He dressed with care this morning, shaving meticulously, brushing down his way-ward hair. He was going to be meeting Shuichi's girlfriend today and he wanted to make certain that he didn't put a foot wrong that would upset Shuichi. He continued to sip at the water bottle he had opened as soon as he got out of the shower, trying to get rid of the dry feeling in his mouth and throat.

He swayed a little, catching himself on the back of a chair. Not good, he thought. He'd better get some food into him fast. He placed an order for room service and then reached for his cigarettes as he sat shakily down. It wasn't all just from the alcohol he had consumed, he had downed a few painkillers as well early on in the evening in an effort to quell his burning stomach. That mixture probably wasn't doing his body much good now.

By the time he had finished both cigarette and bottle of water, there was a knock on the door indicating that his breakfast had arrived. He slowly made his way to the door and opened it, waving the hotel waiter inside, remaining where he was, leaning on the door until they had left. Only then did he carefully make his way back to the table to sit and eat. After the first few mouthfuls he felt his stomach settle a little and the burst of caffeine from two cups of coffee helped clear his head. Ah, that's better!

He glanced at his watch. Two hours before he had to meet Shuichi. That gave him time to digest his meal, have another cigarette and sip more coffee at a leisurely pace, before making his way down to the waterfront. By that time he should be well and truly awake and ready to face the day. And Shuichi's girlfriend.

He toyed with the phone in his hand, turning it over and over. Finally he made up his mind and pushed a button. The stored number flashed up and he heard it ringing as he placed it at his ear.

"Hello?" Tohma's voice sounded a little tired. He'd probably been up all night with something to do with NG, Yuki thought.

"Tohma."

"Eiri!" Tohma's voice immediately changed tone. Now it was pleased, although sounding a little surprised. "Is everything alright?"

"Yeah. Sort of."

"What is it?"

Yuki stubbed out his cigarette and took another swallow of coffee. "I need you to make certain that you sort some things out."

"What? You know I'll do what I can. It's about Shindou, isn't it?"

"Yeah. I don't want him finding out about us."

"Us? You and me?"

"No, you idiot!" Yuki snapped, though he immediately heard the soft chuckle. Damn the man, he was just baiting him! Yuki was hung over, his stomach hurt, and fucking Tohma was teasing him!

"I gather you mean you and Shindou then?"

"Of course, I do, jerk!"

"And just how do you expect me to do that?" Tohma asked, "You have both been in the news ever since you made your relationship public. It's all over Japan. Not even I can make all that disappear, despite what you might think, Eiri."

"I know that, I'm not stupid. I told him that was all just an act we were putting on for the press, and that they bought it."

"You did what!" Tohma gasped, shock echoing down the phone line.

"I said it was a lie."

"Eiri, what on earth made you say that! Why didn't you just tell him the truth?"

Yuki pinched the bridge of his nose, closing his eyes. He didn't need Tohma reminding him that he had been an idiot. "It's your fault." he grated out.

"Eh?" Tohma's voice sounded confused. "Just how is this **my** fault?"

"I couldn't just blurt out the truth to him! The moron probably would have run off screaming in fright. He's got a fucking girlfriend remember! How do you think he would react to suddenly getting told that he's fucking as gay as they come, and been getting screwed by me all this time!"

"Oh, I don't know," Tohma said more calmly, "He might have found the idea quite…stimulating."

Yuki growled. "Don't be a dickhead."

"Fine, so you lied. I'm still not quite certain how this equates to being my fault, but let us move on from that. So, what do you want me to do?"

"I want you to make sure that his family and the others don't say anything different."

"You want them all to lie as well?"

"Yes." Yuki snarled. He reached out and jerked another cigarette from the pack.

"Well, I guess I can ask them to do that."

"I'm sure you won't have any trouble getting his family to go along with it. They'll be more than delighted for their darling boy to forget he's a queer!"

"Eiri, Eiri," Tohma chided gently, "I've said this before, but I think you are being very unfair in your judgment of their feelings towards your relationship with Shindou."

"Yeah, whatever, just make certain that they don't screw it up."

"Be assured I will speak with them and explain things."

"And make certain that those other fucking idiots don't spill anything when they come over. They're such screw-ups they're just as likely to dump it all in his lap and that will be it. Just remind them that if they scare him off about anything, he's not likely going to want to go back to Japan so they'll be down one lead singer. That should get their attention."

"I'll make certain that they understand the circumstances. Anything else?"

"Yeah."

"Oh, really? What could it be, Eiri? You would like me to stop the sun also?"

"You're a real jerk, you know that?"

"Only you ever tell me so, Eiri. Oh, and Mika. It must run in the family."

"Huh!" Yuki snorted. Tohma was quite right; not about it running in the family, but that only he and Mika would call him a jerk. No one else would dare call Tohma Seguchi anything like that! "Anyway, if you're quite finished with the comedy routine, I want you to organize an apartment for Shuichi."

"An apartment?"

"Yeah. I told him that it was pretty much just a pretense with him staying at my place, and that he only stayed there as much as was necessary to keep the story going. So he'll expect to have his own place. Get him a place, and have his family put some of his stuff in it so if he goes back with them it will seem like it's his."

"Eiri," Tohma's voice was serious. "Are you sure you know what you are doing?"

"What do you mean?"

"The more you develop this lie, the more you create and build, the harder it will be to break it with the truth. The lie could become reality. Is that really what you want?"

Yuki's heart squeezed in his chest, cutting off his breath for a moment. He could feel the pounding of his blood in his temples. Is that what he wanted? Of course, it fucking wasn't! He didn't want this lie! He wanted the truth, the truth of how things used to be. He wanted Shuichi back with him!

But it wasn't like that. The truth was already gone, replaced with new memories, and a girlfriend in a foreign country. This was the truth now. This was the truth that he was fighting against. All he could think of was that he had to at least get Shuichi back in Japan. Once he was there, Yuki could try and come up with something else, but he had to get the youth back home, back into familiar surroundings and away from all this strange new world he had created for himself. So Yuki would try and fight this truth with smoke and mirrors, lies and false relationships, anything to have Shuichi come home.

"Just do it." he dragged out.

He heard Tohma's soft sigh. "Alright, leave it with me. I'll make certain everything is arranged. Are you right to pick up Shindou's family tomorrow?"

"Yeah. It's fine."

"Okay then, call me after they meet and let me know how it went."

"Whatever."

"Eiri?"

"Yes?"

"Are you alright?"

"I'm fine."

"You're not." Tohma said matter-of-factly. "I can tell, but there's not much I can do from here. Try and take care of yourself. And for gods' sakes, go to the doctors!" and with that parting comment, he hung up.

Yuki tossed the now silent phone onto the bed, leaning back, cigarette dangling from his lips. How the hell did Tohma know?

Shuichi could see Yuki's golden head already seated at a table. The man looked up at that moment, and Shuichi waved happily. Yuki reached up and took the cigarette from his mouth, resting it on the edge of the ashtray before him, watching as they approached. Shuichi smiled broadly in greeting.

"Hi! Hope we didn't keep you waiting long?"

"Not at all." Yuki replied, motioning them to take a seat.

Shuichi held Annette's chair as she sat, before sitting himself. Yuki felt a flash of surprise, and jealousy. He was surprised at Shuichi's gallant gesture, that touch of chivalry. He hadn't known that Shuichi had it in him.

He dropped his eyes so the two opposite him wouldn't see the anger he felt. Why did he feel jealous, he thought, as he stubbed the cigarette out. It's not like he wanted Shuichi to be holding a chair for him! He wasn't a fucking invalid that he couldn't manage to sit down by himself! Calm, he snarled at himself. Calm down, and don't piss him off. He looked back up, hoping his face was composed once more.

"You didn't meet properly the other night," Shuichi was saying, "But this is Annette."

Annette held out a hand across the table. "Pleased to meet you." she said.

Yuki hesitated a bare fraction of a second, before shaking her hand in return. "Likewise." he said a little sharply, and withdrawing his hand as quickly as he could without being too rude. Annette gave him a piercing look, head cocked a little to one side. Yuki wondered what she was thinking.

"So, are you feeling ready for tomorrow?" Yuki asked, as menus were passed to them.

Shuichi shrugged a little. "As well as I can be. I'm still feeling pretty nervous. I think I just want it to be over with now. The waiting is the worst part!"

"You'll be fine." Annette said, looking over at him with a smile. "I'm sure they're going to be just wonderful. After all, you're their son and I think you're pretty great!"

Shuichi smiled broadly at her and laughed. "Well, I don't mind the flattery anyway! Let's eat, I'm famished!"

They placed their orders and talked as they waited. "We looked up the internet this morning." Shuichi said to Yuki.

"Oh?" Yuki raised an eyebrow in query.

"We couldn't believe how much was on there about us. I mean, 'Bad Luck'."

"And us." Yuki confirmed.

Shuichi squirmed in his seat a little, embarrassment showing in every move. "Yeah," he finally admitted. "I was a bit surprised about it all."

"Told you it was big news."

"You weren't kidding. Japan must be pretty dull if that's all they can find interesting to write about!"

Yuki lit another cigarette and shrugged. "It's what ever sells for them."

"Guess so."

Their orders arrived and they began to eat. Shuichi noted that Yuki wasn't talking as much as he had previously when they had been together. He wondered if the man was feeling shy with Annette there. He hadn't thought that Yuki would have been the shy type, but perhaps he was. After all, Annette was a complete stranger to Yuki, whereas the two of them already knew each other. That was probably it. Well, if that was the case, he would just have to keep the conversation flowing nice and easy to make certain Yuki felt at ease!

Annette looked at the man seated opposite them. He was certainly handsome, she could well acknowledge that. Anyone who said he wasn't you just knew they had to be lying. But there was something…..hard about him. Perhaps he was just naturally shy and withdrawn, despite being famous. Not like Shu! This man really didn't smile at all. At least he hadn't in all the time she had been there.

However, she had noticed how intently Yuki watched Shu. Every word, every move Shu made, Yuki seemed to take note of. Obviously this man did know Shu really well, he was far more at ease and comfortable speaking with him. It was when he had to try and include her in the conversation that he seemed to become withdrawn again.

The two men really seemed so…at ease with each other, she thought watching them, her eyes flicking from one face to the other. They could look into each other's eyes without flinching, half leaning towards each other across the table. It was almost as though they made a tiny little bubble of 'togetherness' right there. It made her feel a little left out, and again a tiny tendril of jealousy wriggled in her heart. She didn't like there being someone else that seemed to be able to connect so strongly with Shu the way she did!

She then noticed Yuki looking at her with those pale eyes. They were so intense. She shivered a little. She was attracted to him, but it felt a little too much like the attraction a moth had to the flame. It was very, very beautiful….and completely suicidal.

She unconsciously leant in closer to Shu, seeking his comforting presence. She relaxed a little when she felt his arm slide around her shoulders. Glancing up at him, he flashed a quick smile towards her, without interrupting the conversation he was having with Yuki. She let out a little sigh. Yuki might be truly attractive, so you couldn't help but think how gorgeous he was, but Annette would rather have Shu's warmth, caring, and cheerfulness any day!

Besides, as far as she was concerned, Shu could well and truly give Yuki a run for his money in the good-looks department! She reached out and threaded her fingers through one of Shu's hands, feeling his fingers automatically wrap around hers with a welcoming pressure. She felt happy. Yes, she would take Shu any day.

Yuki hated to see it. He hated to see this girl, this Annette, lean in close to Shuichi, to look up at him so familiarly. Even worse, he hated how Shuichi put his arm around her, how he smiled at her in that sweet way of his. Yuki knew he was reassuring her about Yuki's behaviour. Yuki thought he could probably charm her, but he didn't want to. He didn't want her to like him. He didn't want to have anything to do with her. He certainly didn't want to have to be nice to her! But he was also careful not to be too cold either. He didn't want to alienate Shuichi, and this girl was very important to him. It was just so damn hard!

There was no helping it. Tomorrow, Shuichi's family would be arriving. Two day's later, the band. It was a nerve-wracking time for Shuichi, and he was relying on this girl to help him through it all. No doubt Shuichi's parents were going to love Annette.

Tohma had called him back briefly just before Shuichi and Annette had arrived and assured him that he had got Shuichi's family's word of honour that no mention of Yuki and Shuichi's relationship would be mentioned, except in the way to support it was a sham. It was better that way. It had surprised him at how easily the lie had come, yet at the same time just how difficult.

Easy because he had drawn on how Tohma had managed to fool not only Japan, but the rest of the world as well. It would be easy enough to keep Shuichi convinced of it, especially as he doesn't remember anything to contradict the story. Everyone who really knew the truth had already agreed to be a party to the lie so there would be plenty of corroboration for the story. As for the rest of the world, well, they could insist it was all only rumours and hear-say cooked up by the media and none of it based of real fact. So it had been so terribly easy to give life to the lie.

It had been truly difficult because Yuki wanted nothing more than for Shuichi to remember the truth, and for things to go back to the way they had been before.

Annette tugged on Shu's hand as she stood. "I've got to get back to Uni." she said, throwing a brief glance at Yuki, before looking back at Shu. "You can stay, if you like."

He stood hurriedly. "No, that's fine. I'll walk you back." He smiled at her and she smiled back, a little relieved. Shu turned to look at Yuki, "Thanks for lunch. It's been good to catch up again." Annette moved off, weaving between the tables and Shu turned to follow.

Yuki stood, moving around the table. He didn't want Shuichi to go yet! He reached out quickly, wrapping long fingers around Shuichi's wrist. "But…" and halted as Shuichi wrenched the hand free from his grip with a violent twist. Yuki's heart broke right then and there. The youth couldn't even stand for him to touch him. He fought against the prickling of tears behind his eyes. He wouldn't let Shuichi know how much that hurt him. He let his hand fall limply back to his side. "Never mind." he said, beginning to turn away. He had to get out of here.

As Yuki's hand had clasped around his wrist, Shuichi felt a jolt of feeling rush through his body. It was like a burst of electricity; streaming along every nerve, tingling over his skin, cascading through his mind, and almost making his heart hurt. It was so intense, so raw, so…..unexpected, that he jerked away from the man, surprise and shock making him react in a manner he hadn't intended. What was that…..?

He looked at Yuki, eyes wide, trying to calm his pounding heart, to shake off the feeling that was still coursing through his senses, a feeling he couldn't name. Had he offended the man? He didn't want to do that. Yuki probably thinks he was being so rude, just an inconsiderate brat. Looking at Yuki's expressionless face, he couldn't see any sign of anger or disgust. Perhaps the man hadn't really noticed the way he had behaved? But there was something in his eyes as he said, "Never mind." and began to turn away.

"Wait!" Shuichi cried, half raising a hand as though to reach out and touch Yuki, but remembering the shock he had just experienced, letting it go no further.

Thankfully, he saw Yuki pause at his call. He let out a breath of relief, one he hadn't realized he had been holding. If Yuki had walked away from him then, he didn't know what he would have done.

Why….why was he feeling like this? When did Yuki's good opinion and good-will become so important to him? How could this man have come to mean so much to him in just a matter of a few days?

He guessed they had been close before, perhaps that's why. This man mattered to him. How this man thought of him really mattered to him, and if he did anything that he thought would upset or hurt Yuki, it made his head hurt and his heart ache. The man was…important.

Although Yuki had stopped moving away from him, he still hadn't turned back to look at Shuichi. He swallowed against the lump forming in the back of his throat. "Could I….." he tried again. "Could and see me tonight?"

He hadn't known he was going to say that. He hadn't intended to try and see Yuki again today, but for some reason it was the first thing that came out of his mouth. There was a long moment of stillness, whilst Shuichi stood breathless, waiting for Yuki's answer.

Finally Yuki slowly turned his head to look at him. His eyes were intense, bright and filled with some emotion that burned, burned so brightly that Shuichi felt his breath catch in his constricting chest. However, for all that intensity, Shuichi still couldn't understand what the emotion was he was seeing. All he knew was it made him feel warm – warm all over.

"What time?" Yuki's rough voice startled him out of his introspection and he realized that he must have been staring at Yuki the whole time. He blushed, turning his face away to try and hide it from the man before him. He couldn't let Yuki see just how stupidly he was behaving. It would no doubt irritate him, and make him realize that why should he, a famous novelist, hang around some uncouth, amnesiac pop-star.

"Uhm, about 10pm? I'll try and see if I can get off early, but I won't know till I get there."

"Fine." Yuki replied turning away again. "I'll see you later."

"Ah, sure. See ya." and Shuichi sadly watched Yuki's tall figure stride away, before turning himself to head home.

His shoulders slumped as he walked. He had made Yuki mad, he was sure of it. Probably tonight Yuki will tell him that there's no point seeing each other again. After all, Yuki only came here to find him, and he had. Now, with Shuichi's family and the band all coming over to see him, Yuki really doesn't need to be here any more. Probably the man wouldn't even bother turning up at all, once he'd had time to think about it more. The thought of not seeing Yuki was enough to almost make him cry. He angrily brushed at his watering eyes. Why? Why was he like this?

Yuki's hands shook as he lit his cigarette. As soon as he had turned a corner that would take him out of Shuichi's sight, he had leant back against the brick wall with a shuddering breath, trying to clamp down on the burning in his chest and eyes. Bawling in public was not an option – no matter what the circumstances.

He took a deep drag, drawing the smoke into his lungs, holding it there for a moment, and then releasing it slowly. He took another deep breath, trying to gain some equilibrium again.

Gods, that had hurt! To see Shuichi pull away like that. The boy couldn't even stand to be touched by him. Did he dislike Yuki that much? Or were some deep buried memories inside Shuichi making him react like that? Was it the boy's subconscious telling him that Yuki had caused him so much hurt and pain in the past so don't let him get near him again? Could that be it? He had had to turn away quickly so Shuichi wouldn't see the hurt on his face, so he wouldn't see the revulsion on the boy's.

Then…then Shuichi had asked him to meet him tonight. He had been surprised. More than that, his heart had leapt with joy. Shuichi said he wanted to still see him. But why…why had the boy asked that? Did he want to tell Yuki to go away, to leave him alone? Surely he could have done that just now and got it over with. Or perhaps Shuichi would rather do it in a crowded club so even if Yuki did make a scene it wouldn't be too obvious in the crush of bodies, noise and darkness. Yes, that was probably it. Trying to say something like that now, in broad daylight, left you open to having an audience to a possibly emotional outburst which Shuichi no doubt wanted to avoid.

Yuki dropped the butt to the ground with a grimace. Should he bother going then? If Shuichi just wanted to tell him to go away then he could figure that one out for himself judging from the boy's reactions to him. If that is the case he could do exactly that, without putting himself through the emotional wringer of having rejection thrown in his face, and it done in public no less. So maybe he just shouldn't bother going at all.

He pushed away from the wall and continued to walk back to the hotel. But he wanted to see Shuichi so much!


	28. Chapter 28

Title: The Key to My Heart: Chapter 29

Author: JadeHeart

Located/Archived: Found on & If anyone else would like it, please ask me first

Fandom: Gravitation

Rating: M

Warnings: angst, bad language

**Disclaimer: **I do not own the characters in this, except that of Annette and Agent Jim Harris who are my original characters. All other main characters belong to the creators of 'Gravitation', and I am not making any profits from this story.

Chapter 29

They stopped outside the University.

"So," Shu asked, hands pushed into pockets. "What do you think of Yuki?"

Annette flicked a glance towards him. "Well, he is good-looking," she answered honestly, "But he seemed a think he was nervous." Shu said. "I mean he's not usually that way."

"I thought it might be something like that. It just made me feel as though…..he didn't like me."

Shu flashed her a smile. "I'm sure that's not the case. I mean, why would he?"

"I know it's completely irrational for me to think that, however I can believe now how all those stories started about you two."

"How do you mean?"

"You two look so good together. You're really with each other. It's probably because you know each other so well, I guess."

"You think so?"

"Oh, yes, it's really obvious. I could see it as soon as you two started talking. You just seemed to," and she cupped her hands before her in a circle. "create your own space which doesn't let anyone else in."

"I hadn't noticed." Shu tipped his head to one side, watching her.

She shrugged. "It's just what I noticed." She looked at her watch. "I'd better go. I'll see you later."

"Sure." Shu turned away but paused after a couple of steps, not turning around. "Oh, by the way, I'll probably be late tonight. Work, you know."

"Okay. Don't forget to buy some milk though on your way home."

"Will do."

Shu turned then to watch Annette walk briskly away. He hadn't told Annette he was meeting Yuki after work tonight. He chewed on his lip as he turned around again. He probably should have, but it had been such a spur of the moment thing asking Yuki to meet him like that. He hadn't planned to do so, and he didn't want Annette worrying about why he was or anything. He didn't even know what he was going to say to Yuki when he did see him again. It wasn't like he had anything special to say to the man. He just wanted to see him again!

Yuki dropped another butt to the ground. He had been pacing outside the club for almost a half an hour, wondering whether he should bother going in or not. He wanted to see Shuichi again, but he didn't want to see him if it was just so the kid could tell him to piss off! Yuki didn't handle rejection well; he was much better at dishing it out. Usually like a sledgehammer right between the eyes.

Was this karma, he wondered, was he about to get his comeuppance for all the hurt he had given over the years to prospective partners? He ground his teeth in anger. Screw karma! Screw fate! Screw everything! He glared at the ground as he stomped along taking no notice of the concerned glances passer-bys threw his way. Why should he go in just so that idiot could mess with his head! The damn brat had already given him an ulcer, driven him to drink, made him almost insomniac - was he about to add driving him crazy to the list! Damn fucking stupid moronic jerk!

The last he wasn't sure whether it was directed at Shuichi, or himself.

He exhaled sharply, lifting his head. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his packet of cigarettes, gripping one between his lips to draw it out. He lifted his lighter to touch the flame to the end, feeling strangely calm after his mental diatribe.

Ah, to hell with it all, he thought, turning and walking away from the club. Then he paused. But what if this is the last chance he will have to see Shuichi alone, a small voice whispered in his mind.

His feet rooted to the ground, cigarette dangling forgotten from his mouth. What if…it was? Shuichi's family were arriving tomorrow, and then shortly after, the band. There were going to be a lot of people that knew Shuichi from before, all crowding around him, wanting to see him, speak to him, touch him, reassure themselves that he was alive and well after so long. All of them would be wanting him to remember them, they would all want his time. Where would Yuki fit in all that? The answer was….no where.

So this could very well be the last time he could spend some time with Shuichi, just the two of them. He turned around and looked at the club entrance, reaching up to remove the cigarette from his mouth, tapping the ash away. Even if it was just to hear Shuichi tell him to leave him alone, even if it was just to see Shuichi be angry at him, or repulsed by his presence. He didn't care, as long as he could see him again.

He took a deep breathe, and placed the cigarette back between his lips. Very well, let's do this, and he strode purposely forward.

Shuichi shrugged past the crowd on the dance floor and stood at the corner bar, looking around. He had begged with his boss to finish up early tonight, had even made certain he had organized for one of the other part-time DJs to come in and cover the last half of his shift. The manager had only agreed to it if Shuichi stayed around and would sing any of the 'Bad Luck' songs, which had been incorporated into the play list. Currently it was only 'Blind Game Again' and 'Rage Beat', but the manager still intended to include more as time went on. The songs were proving to be quite popular with the crowd, and Shuichi was fast becoming the draw-card as well. Shuichi agreed, thinking it was a more than fair trade-off. He hoped that Yuki wouldn't mind having to stay at the club though.

He looked around again, looking for a tall blond head across the crowd. He had hoped that he would have found Yuki standing here in his usual place at the corner bar, but there was no sign of the man yet. Shuichi gnawed at his lip. What if Yuki had decided not to come? Surely, though, he would have called Shuichi to tell him so, even it was just to make some lame excuse about not being able to see him. Shuichi had given him his phone number, so surely he would have called.

He sighed, leaning on the bar after a final look revealed no sign of Yuki. He rested his chin on his folded hands, staring at a small puddle of liquid before him. Looks like Yuki wasn't going to come after all. He had probably pushed too hard. He should have left Yuki alone and not said anything. He was sure the man must have better things to do than keep coming out night after night just to please him. Yuki had been very accommodating up till now, he could hardly blame the man for finally getting fed up with it all.

He reached out a finger and idly trailed it through the liquid, watching the patterns he drew glisten in the light as it shone on the bar. Well, that was that. He couldn't even drink, not when he still would have to work and sing as well. Now what was he going to do? He didn't feel like dancing, he just wasn't in the mood.

"Most people drink at a bar, not stare at the varnish. Is it really that fascinating?" a voice said behind him. He lifted his head in surprise. Yuki was standing there, hand lifting a cigarette to his mouth.

"You came!" Shuichi managed to gasp out in pleased surprise.

Yuki raised an eyebrow. "Well, you invited me, remember."

"Oh, of course, I know that." Shuichi said straightening up a little. "I just thought you might have changed your mind."

Yuki moved closer to the bar, motioning to the bartender that he wished to place an order and then turned his head to look down at Shuichi. "Why would I do that?"

Shuichi waved the question aside, grateful for the darkness of the club so Yuki couldn't see the blush that stained his cheeks. "No reason. Never mind. It's nothing."

Yuki grunted then turned to speak to the bartender. "So are you drinking anything?"

Shuichi shook his head. "I still have to do some work tonight." Yuki shrugged and placed his order, before turning and leaning back on his elbows resting on the bar, gazing out across the dance floor.

"Do you like dancing?" Shuichi asked a little hesitantly.

Yuki turned a cold eye on him. "I **don't** dance." he said emphatically.

"Not at all?"

"No."

"Oh."

"You do though."

"Yeah. I love it!" Shuichi smiled brightly at him. "But then you probably already know that from before, don't you?"

"Yes. I remember." Yuki replied, just as his drink was placed next to his arm.

"So why don't you? Dance, I mean."

Yuki jerked his head at the crowd of humanity writhing on the dance floor. "And lower myself to **that**!" he said with distaste. "Most of them look like a frog in a blender."

Shuichi tried to swallow the giggle but couldn't as the image that assaulted his mind in response to that analogy was just too much for him. He let out a burst of laughter. "I'm …sorry!" he gasped out, wiping at his tearing eyes, still chuckling. "I just could see these big eyes going round and round in a blender, getting all dizzy, like those cartoon shows!"

Yuki took a long swallow from his drink. "You have an overactive imagination." he stated calmly.

Shuichi shrugged and smiled back. "But that's what makes me good in bed!" he shouted back over the noise, smirking.

Yuki's hand paused on his way to his mouth, and Shuichi could see it shake. Oops, why the hell had he said **that**! It's not the sort of thing that you just blurt out to anyone, and certainly not in public! Damn it, had he blown it again! Would Yuki think he was trying to hit on him? Was he going to get mad at him? He didn't mean anything by it!

Did he?

He was waiting for Yuki to slam his drink down on the bar, or worse, throw it in his face for his inappropriate remark, before storming out and refusing to see him again. He stood holding his breath, waiting for the axe to fall. Instead, he watched as Yuki continue his motion and take a drink before gently resting it back on the bar. Yuki turned his head slowly to look at Shuichi, face expressionless. "Then," he said flatly, "Perhaps you should prove it."

Shuichi's heart beat faster as his eyes widened. What….was Yuki…..he wasn't suggesting…..

"Shut your mouth, you look like a goldfish gaping there." Yuki picked up his drink again. "You," he continued. "shouldn't brag so much. Moron. People will get the wrong idea."

"Ah, yes, sorry. You're right." Shuichi laughed a little shakily, attempting to make light of it all.

"Don't be such an idiot. I don't mind."

"I'm glad." Shuichi smiled at Yuki with relief, though his heart was still beating rapidly from the flush of heat that had coursed through his body. "Come on, let's find somewhere a little quieter so we can talk." and Shuichi lead them off to a more secluded corner for the rest of the evening.

Yuki looked at the people sitting opposite him. He could have hired a car and driven himself but for this occasion he had decided to hire a chauffeured limo. He didn't know if he was deliberately trying to impress Shuichi's family, or it was just so he didn't have to worry about being distracted if he were the one driving.

Maiko had greeted him enthusiastically. He hadn't known quite what to expect when he picked up Shuichi's family at the airport. Whilst he was standing there waiting, he had gnawed the inside of his cheek until it was almost raw, hands pushed deeply into trouser pockets, sunglasses on. He winced at the stab of pain in his stomach. He knew his ulcer was flaring up again and had been for the last few days. If it got any worse he would have to get some more medication.

When he spotted Shuichi's family exiting though the doors he had to fight the almost overwhelming desire to just turn and leave. Instead, he forced himself to take a couple of steps forward so they would have a better chance of seeing him through the crowds.

He had been quite unprepared when upon seeing him, Maiko had dropped her bag and flown towards him, hair streaming out behind her and tears running down her face. His breath rushed out of him in a whoosh at the impact of her body against his, as she wrapped her arms tightly about his waist, hugging him fiercely. He could feel her tears soaking through his shirt. He looked down at the silently sobbing girl, then with some awkwardness, wrapped an arm around her and patted her on the head. He wasn't used to such effusive greetings and outpouring of emotions from Shuichi's family. Still it wasn't like this was a normal situation either.

Shuichi's parents had followed their daughter in a more controlled manner, having collected Maiko's abandoned bag along the way. Yuki watched their approach with some trepidation, but with Maiko still clinging to him, he had no escape. When they stood directly before him, he saw Shuichi's mother give him a warm smile, even if it did quiver a little and her eyes were too bright.

"Oh, Yuki, I'm so happy to see you again! It's been such a relief to know you were over here looking for him. I just knew that if anyone could locate him, it would be you." She glanced down at her weeping daughter. "It's been very hard to wait, but we were just so happy to get your message."

Yuki attempted to disengage Maiko as gently as he could do so, and thankfully the girl did release her hold. Her mother stepped forward to place an arm around her daughter's shoulder, hugging her to her side. Maiko wiped a hand across her red eyes and sniffed, a gesture that was so Shuichi-like that Yuki felt a tug at his heart. Shuichi and his sister were sometimes so much alike.

"There's a car waiting. I've booked you in at the hotel where I'm staying, and I've arranged to have the use of one of the function rooms there so you can be comfortable and have some privacy when you meet him." He didn't need to explain which 'him' he was referring to.

He turned to the doors after taking the bags from Shuichi's mother. Shuichi's father hadn't said anything so far, not a word yet. Yuki had always felt that the man had utterly disapproved of Yuki and especially his relationship with his son. Whatever – he wasn't about to apologise for loving Shuichi!

They arrived at the hotel and Yuki took care of checking the family in and ensuring that the booking arrangement was still fixed, as well as providing Tohma's contact details in case of any damage incurred once that maniac, K, arrived. Yuki was damned if he was going to be paying for it!

He handed the key to Mrs. Shindou. "I organized a suite so you have two bedrooms that will give Maiko some space as well."

Mrs. Shindou smiled at him gratefully. "Thank you so much for everything you are doing. We would be at a complete loss without you here."

"It's not a problem." He looked at his watch. "You've got plenty of time to relax until Shuichi arrives. Try and get some rest. You'll feel better for it."

"I think that would be a good idea." A bellboy appeared and gathered their bags, heading for the elevator. "Where will you be?"

"I'll probably stay down here for a while." Yuki nodded in the direction of the dining room. "Otherwise my room number is 615, so call me there."

Mrs. Shindou laid a hand lightly on his arm. "Thank you so much, Yuki." she said sincerely and gave him a small smile, before turning to follow her husband and daughter.

Yuki watched them go and then wandered into the dinning room. He ordered coffee and pulled out his cigarettes. He hadn't smoked whilst with Shindou's family. He had worried that the shaking of his hands would betray his nerves. He drew back on the cigarette, feeling the rush of nicotine hit his system and immediately relaxed. That felt good!

A shadow fell across his table and looking up he saw Maiko standing there.

"What do you want?" he said sharply, before he could stop himself or soften his tone.

Maiko sat opposite him, resting elbows on the table and cradling her chin. She looked at him intently, large eyes boring into him. "Well, at least that sounds more like you." she finally said in a calm voice. "I was wondering what on earth was wrong."

"What do you mean?" Yuki tapped some ash from the end of his cigarette.

She flicked a hand away briefly, before resting her chin back on it. "You weren't acting like yourself at all. I thought something must be really wrong with Shu that you weren't telling us."

"There's nothing wrong with him, apart from his amnesia." he said, picking up his coffee.

He heard her give a sigh. "That's a relief." she said, reaching out a hand to trace invisible patterns on the white table cloth. "You were just acting so….nice."

"I can be nice." he growled, frowning at her.

She stuck her tongue out at him. "Sure you can. When hell freezes over!"

"Why, you….."

She waggled a finger at him. "Now, now, you should watch your language in public."

He glared at her, clamping down on what he was about to say. "I can so be nice."

"Oh, I'm sure you must be able to sometimes. Otherwise my brother is a bigger idiot for staying with you than I already think he is!"

"Humph!" Yuki snorted, drawing on his cigarette again. There was silence for a moment.

"Are you all right?" Maiko quietly asked.

Yuki looked over at her. "What do you mean?"

"You're not looking well. Your face is really pale, even for you, and you look like you're in pain. Are you sure you're not sick?"

"I'm fine."

Maiko pursed her lips. "Yeah, and Shu always said you could lie with a straight face as well."

"What..."

She cut his sentence off with another wave of her hand. "Don't worry, it's fine."

Yuki was beginning to feel a little unsettled by this conversation. Out of all Shuichi's family, he did like Maiko the best - apart from Shuichi himself, of course - but he still hadn't spent excessive amounts of time with her before, not just the two of them.

"Shouldn't you be resting?" he said pointedly, hoping she would go away and leave him in peace.

She looked at him with head tilted to the side. "Trying to get rid of me?"

"Yeah, actually I am."

She half shrugged. "You really are a coward, you know."

Yuki felt his eyes widen at the casual way she had said it. "Why, you…"

"I mean," she interrupted him again. Damn the girl, she wouldn't let him finish one god-damn sentence! "What's with this stupid act of telling Shuichi that you two weren't together! That has got to be the biggest pile of crap that I've ever heard!"

Yuki continued to glare at her, which she matched. She looked angry now. "You," and she stabbed a finger at him. "Are a coward, a liar, and the worst stinking boyfriend ever! I don't know what my brother ever saw in you! How can you just go and throw everything away like this! You two worked so hard to be together, it nearly broke Shuichi, but he always said that it was worth it. That any amount of pain was worth it, just to be with you. But you've just gone and thrown all that he worked so hard for away like it meant nothing at all!"

"Have you listened to anything you've been told about Shuichi's life over here!" Yuki grated out, angry himself now as each of her accusations stabbed through his heart. "He doesn't remember his life in Japan, and he's got a god-damn girlfriend now! He doesn't fucking remember our relationship. He doesn't fucking remember me! How the hell do I make him remember, huh? Just what am I supposed to do!"

"Tell him!" Maiko almost shouted at him, totally disregarding the people around them. "Tell him you're his lover! Tell him you love him!"

"How can I tell him that when he doesn't remember me! Do you think he'd just believe me? He'd probably fucking run as far away as he could! Is that what you want? Do you want to lose him for good, for him never to go back to Japan? Because that's what's likely to happen if I tell him."

"You don't know that for certain. He should know the truth!"

"NO!" Yuki roared out, leaping to his feet and leaning over the table, pushing his angry face towards Maiko. "You will not say one fucking thing to him about it! Just say exactly what you've been told to, you fucking little tart!"

Maiko glared at him, her eyes bright with tears, although her gaze was still angry. "You don't love my brother at all!" she hissed at him, her lip quivering. "You never loved him, not like he loved you! He never gave up on you! Now you're just throwing him away like a piece of used garbage!"

She jerked herself to her feet and leant forward, mirroring Yuki's pose. Eye to eye, nose to nose, they glared at each other, totally oblivious to the fact that they were centre stage for the rest of the patrons in the dining room who were watching this interplay, even though few could understand what was being said.

"I HATE YOU!" Maiko suddenly shouted right in his face, making him start back in surprise, and then she turned and stormed out of the room, leaving him looking after her. He then noticed all the heads turned in his direction, curious eyes boring into him. Damn her! He cursed in his mind, reseating himself and picking up his coffee to take a sip. Ughh! Cold! Damn it!

He angrily motioned for a waiter to replace the cup, reaching out to light up another cigarette, still fuming. What did that stupid kid know anyway? She hadn't been here, she hadn't even seen Shuichi yet, so how could she think she knows what's the best way to handle things?

A steaming cup of coffee was placed before him and he immediately picked it up, taking a swallow. He gritted his teeth as the hot liquid scalded his tongue. Damn, damn, damn-fucking-damn! He returned the cup to the table top with extreme care, controlling his urge to fling it across the room, to take his frustrations out on …something. He looked out the window into the bright sunlight.

Gods, he wanted today to be over!

Shuichi swallowed against the lump threatening to block his throat. He felt Annette squeeze his hand silently and smiled gratefully at her as his stomach churned from nerves. He took a deep breath and let it out with a whoosh. "Let's do it." he said, straightening his shoulders and stepping forward, Annette by his side.

Yuki was seated in the lobby and looked up as they entered, and Shuichi felt a wash of relief and a sense of comfort at seeing him there. Yuki stood and came towards them. "This way." he said without preamble, turning and walking away, leaving them to follow. Yuki lead them down a side passage before pushing open a door and waving them inside.

Shuichi entered first, taking in at a glance the three people seated there. The woman looked up as soon as she heard the door open. As she saw Shuichi, a large smile spread across her face and she ran towards him. He braced himself as she threw her arms around his neck, hugging him to her tightly.

"Oh, Shuichi!" she cried, literally as he could feel the dampness on his shoulder. "Oh, my darling boy! You're all right! You're really all right!"

She continued to sob, and he awkwardly reached up and patted her on the back lightly. He was feeling a little overwhelmed.

"Oh, Mom!" another voice said. "Back off, will you! Give him some room, for goodness sakes!"

"Oh, of course, I'm so sorry."

Shuichi breathed in as he was finally released and the woman took a step away but kept a hold of his hand. "Come and sit down with us." she said, tugging him forward. "Please join us as well." she directed the last comment towards Annette with a smile.

Shuichi and Annette sat opposite his family. He looked them over, frowning as a surge of feelings and images assaulted his mind. He struggled to make sense of them.

"Ah….Maiko, right?"

Hs sister nodded encouragingly at him. "Yep! Though I'm not surprised you've forgotten. You always complained that you wished you could forget you had a sister!"

He gave her a small grin. "I don't think this was quite what I had in mind at the time."

She grinned right back at him. "Probably not, but thinking was never one of your strong points." She stuck her tongue out at him.

He felt his smile broaden. "Bet you gave me hell at school."

"Someone had to. You were such a pain." She gave a long-suffering sigh. "You did nothing but go on and on about your music, and you never studied."

"Well, what was the point of competing with you? You were always so busy being the model student, being on all those committees and stuff. Not to mention dating that wussy class president!"

"He's a nice guy – still is!" Suddenly she stopped, and they looked at each other. "Hey, you…..remember?"

Shuichi looked back at her, eyes wide. "Ye….yeah." he said slowly. A clear picture of the sister who was sitting before him, slightly younger looking, in school uniform with a boy in uniform and glasses. A school, classrooms, and a graduation ceremony.

"Yeah, I do!" he said ecstatically, nearly leaping to his feet. Instead he leant forward and grasped Maiko's hands as she beamed back at him. "I remember!"

"Oh, wow!" and Maiko threw herself over the table to wrap Shuichi in a hug. "What else? What else do you remember?"

"Ah….ah…" he struggled, trying to catch on to some of the other flashing images, but they were still eluding him.

"Don't worry." Maiko said quickly, "It doesn't matter. It'll happen, just like now. It will." Maiko suddenly looked over Shuichi's shoulder towards the door. "I'm sure you'll remember everything soon enough."

Yuki looked back at her, expressionless. "I'll leave you to it then." he said, addressing them all. He saw Shuichi's head swivel around to look at him.

"Won't you stay….a bit longer?" Shuichi said in a small voice.

"No, it's fine. You've all got a lot of catching up to do. I'll see you later on." The night before, Shuichi had again asked Yuki to meet him at the club. Yuki wasn't going to refuse the invitation; he would take every minute he could to be with Shuichi.

"Oh, okay. Yeah."

Yuki turned to the door and began to close it behind him. "Thanks for everything you've done for me." he heard Shuichi call out.

Yuki pulled out his packet of cigarettes as he walked away. He hadn't done it for Shuichi. He was doing it for himself, because it tore him apart to see Shuichi unhappy and he would do anything – anything! - to put a smile back on his face.

Annette finished putting the shopping away. It had been two days since Shu's family had arrived and he had spent as much time with them as he could. He had slowly been remembering small things about them, about growing up and his childhood. Every discovery was exciting for him, every new bit of information he learnt about himself was treated like a treasure find. He hadn't been able to stop smiling all this time.

Annette was so happy for him. She had still been busy with her studies so hadn't spent as much time with them as Shu had, but they had seemed very nice. Although she had the feeling that Maiko was hiding something from her. It wasn't that Maiko disliked her, she didn't get that sort of feeling from the girl, but it was as though Shu's sister kept wanting to say something to her, but something was holding her back. She mentally shrugged. She was sure that once Maiko was more comfortable around her, she would say what was on her mind.

She looked over to where Shu was sitting on the couch. He had seemed a little quiet this evening as they had gone shopping. Tomorrow was the day that his band members would arrive and it was obviously weighing on his mind. She moved quietly over to stand behind him, draping her arms around Shu's neck from behind, resting her chin on the top of his head.

"Are you sure about this?" she asked quietly. "Still nervous?"

He reached a hand up and rested it on her arms. "A bit, but I've got to do it. I need to find out everything about who I am."

"I know." she said, turning to lean her cheek on his fine hair. "I guess that means you'll have to go back, too."

"I guess. But, hey," he tipped his head back to look up at her, a smile on his face. "Doesn't mean I have to stay there! I might not like it!"

She smiled back at him, dropping a light kiss to his lips. "Maybe not. I've never been to Japan."

Shu didn't say anything, just dropped his head again. She gave him a brief hug and made her way to the kitchen.

"What do you want for dinner? We've got some left-overs from the other night."

"That'll be fine." he called to her.

She saw his hand reaching for the ipod again. It was never far away from him now she noticed. As she began to prepare their meal, she watched him turn it on.

"I'll be late again tonight, so don't stay up for me, okay?"

"I could come by later." she offered.

"It's alright. I don't want you to lose any sleep. You've got important exams coming up and I don't want to be the reason you don't do well. I'll see you when I get home."

"Okay." she said quietly, not arguing.

It didn't really surprise her at his seeming reluctance to have her meet him at work. At the moment he had a lot to think of. The impending meeting with his old band members, people who are supposed to be his friends, was making him more than a little uncertain. He needed a bit of space to himself. He was working hard at the moment, coming home very late, and with her studies she was usually asleep by the time he did. Shu was being so considerate he had been sleeping on the couch so as not to disturb her.

One thing she was really glad about was his discovery of his music. Right from the start, he could sing all the songs on that ipod, and yet if he had been asked to recite the words, he hadn't been able to remember one. It was only as part of the music that he knew it flawlessly. That was now a thing of the past. It hadn't taken long, before the words came back to him, not just when he was singing. That had convinced her, and him, that he really must have been part of this band, 'Bad Luck'. Either that, or he had been a really, really big fan of theirs - like of the stalker variety!

She looked up to see Shu leaning with his head on the back of the couch, eyes closed, fingers on his thighs tapping in time to the beat, silently mouthing the words to the music. Even like that, it seemed that the air was almost sizzling with energy around him. He just came so alive with this music! She couldn't help the smile that spread over her face. How she loved him! Her Shu.

Though, she paused in her thinking, I guess I should get used to calling him 'Shuichi'. He hadn't insisted on it, he still answered readily enough to Shu, but she should really try and call him by his proper name. It would probably make it easier for him to get used to it as well, if she did.

Shuichi sat there with eyes closed as he listened to the music. He hadn't told Annette that he had been meeting Yuki each night at the club over the past few days, which is why he was coming home so late, sometimes as late as 4 or 5am. He would creep in quietly and just fall onto the lounge, not even trying to go into the bedroom, afraid of waking her.

He didn't know why he had this need to see Yuki each day. Was it because he had the feeling that soon the man would be going? His family was here now, and tomorrow his friends would be arriving as well. Yuki really didn't need to be here any longer, and the man must have a life of his own that he needed to get back to. He was, after all, a famous novelist and was probably really busy. So soon Yuki would leave, and that thought just made Shuichi want to try and squeeze in as much time with him as he possibly could, without making the man think he was clinging to him. He would miss Yuki when he left, he just knew it. Just the thought of it made his chest tighten.

He sighed to himself. He didn't know what to expect from tomorrow. These past few days with his family had been good. He was remembering more and more now. Not everything, but more than he had before so it made him believe that the doctors' may have been right and eventually he would get all his memories back again. That would be so great! He was finding that the more he remembered, the more he was getting frustrated by the gaps that were obviously missing! So being with his family, especially Maiko, had been a lot of fun and there had been so much to talk about. He felt a warm blanket of love wrap around him when he was with them. They were his family and they did love him, he knew that with complete certainty. He was so lucky!

Now, tomorrow, he would meet the rest of the band. Yuki's descriptions of the people hadn't completely reassured him about them, and some of the things Maiko had said weren't exactly flattering, although she had waxed almost lyrical about Nakano, who was supposed to be his best friend. Apparently he had spent a lot of time with his family whilst Shuichi had been missing, making certain they were okay. He would have to thank the man for that. Whenever Maiko had mentioned that name, he had a brief image in his mind of long red hair, but the face was always blurred. He sighed again. He would just have to wait till tomorrow to find out for himself what they were like.


	29. Chapter 29

Title: The Key to My Heart: Chapter 30

Author: JadeHeart

Located/Archived: Found on & If anyone else would like it, please ask me first

Fandom: Gravitation

Rating: M

Warnings: angst, bad language

**Disclaimer: **I do not own the characters in this, except that of Annette and Agent Jim Harris who are my original characters. All other main characters belong to the creators of 'Gravitation', and I am not making any profits from this story.

Chapter 30

Yuki sat on the couch, the smoke from the cigarette between his lips curling towards the ceiling. He watched it spiral upwards, dissipating the higher it rose, before it faded completely from sight. He remained where he was, head leaning on the back of the couch, body relaxed, mind empty.

"Oh, there you are." Shuichi's voice behind made him start in surprise. He rolled his head back a little further to see an upside-down image of Shuichi standing in the doorway. The figure moved and came around the couch so Yuki was able to view the boy the right-side up now.

"I was beginning to think you weren't going to show today." Shuichi plopped himself down on the couch next to Yuki with a deep sigh. "I really couldn't face meeting everyone else if you weren't here as well."

"Are you still feeing worried?" Yuki said, removing the cigarette from his mouth. "Thought I told you to stop being an idiot over it? It'll be fine."

Shuichi stuck his tongue out at him. "Easy for you to say." he groused, bringing his knees up to his chest where he sat, arms circling them. It was such a familiar pose that Yuki could almost think they were back in their apartment in Japan.

"I know you and my family keep telling me how well I know these people, but I'm still not remembering anything about them." Shuichi flicked a glance over towards Yuki. "I still don't even remember everything about my own family - just little bits and pieces here and there - let alone remembering stuff about another bunch of people."

Yuki took another drag on his cigarette, leaning his head back on the couch once more to contemplate the ceiling. Not that it was that fascinating, but it meant that he didn't have to look into Shuichi's eyes, and it was easier to fight the urge to kiss him when he wasn't looking at him. "Give it some time." Yuki yawned.

"You tired?" Shuichi asked.

"A little."

"Sorry."

"What are you apologizing for now?"

"Well, it's because I keep asking you to meet me after work that you're not getting enough sleep."

"You can be such a dumb-ass sometimes." Yuki said flatly, exhaling some more smoke. "I can sleep during the day, just the same as you, if I want to."

"Oh, yes, I guess you can. I hadn't really thought of that."

"Not surprising. Thinking's not one of your strong suites."

"Hey!"

"What?"

"That's a bit harsh, don't you think!"

"Are you saying otherwise? Thought your most recent attempt at a sorry-excuse of an apology would have amply demonstrated that point."

"You know, you can be a right bastard sometimes!"

"So I've been told."

"By me?"

"Many a time."

"Well, then you'd think you would have got the message by now!"

Yuki shrugged and yawned again. "So I'm a slow learner."

"Slow! Try completely stagnant! If you know what you're like, why don't you change?"

"It's not my style."

"Great. So just because you can't be bothered everyone else has to suffer!"

"No. Not everyone. The people that matter accept me for the way that I am."

"Just because I do, doesn't mean that you can't still make an effort!"

Yuki cast a swift look at the youth sitting next to him. Did Shuichi realize just what he had said? Was he referring to their past times together?

Shuichi was still sitting in his hunched up position and as Yuki watched, he tipped his head back and yawned widely, running a hand over his eyes and then through his hair. "I'm tired. All these late nights are catching up with me as well."

"Probably all the excitement more than anything." Yuki responded.

"Most likely." Shuichi mumbled, resting his head back onto his knees.

There was silence in the room. Yuki went back to watching the smoke drift through the air. As the silence stretched, he searched for something to say to break it as Shuichi was staying uncharacteristically quiet.

"Hey…" he began, turning his head to the side, only to see Shuichi's body tip slowly towards him to nestle against his shoulder. He froze in shock, looking down at the head resting there, the body snuggled up against his. He could hear Shuichi's slow breaths. The brat had fallen asleep on him!

He looked down at the face, slightly upturned, running his eyes over the familiar features. He felt his own face soften in response. Shuichi looked so angelic when he was asleep. Yuki had often in the past come to bed late when he was writing, to see his young lover already curled up asleep in their bed. He would stand there, silently gazing down at the peaceful, relaxed face and the sight would always bring a smile to his lips.

His hand rose of its own volition, fingertips reaching out to touch that soft skin, to trace the fine cheekbones, those full sensual lips, brush over the long lashes that hid those large amethyst eyes that would open slowly to look up at him with trust and love.

The sound of the door opening behind jerked him back to reality, and his hand fell quickly. He turned his head to see Annette entering.

"Oh, is Shu….?" she began and stopped as she spotted the head resting on Yuki's shoulder.

Yuki reached up and removed the cigarette from his lips, leaning forward and rising from the couch, carefully laying Shuichi down on the vacated area.

"He's pretty tired obviously." He stubbed his cigarette out in the ashtray and strode past Annette to the door. "I'm going to pick up the others. You might want to let him sleep before they get here."

"Ah…sure." He heard her say as he exited.

Annette stared after Yuki's departing back then turned to gaze down at the slumbering form of Shuichi. He had been looking tired these last couple of days - Yuki was right about that. Shuichi had been staying out late each night, and he wasn't sleeping in as he was spending as much time with his family as he could, so he was probably only getting a couple of hours of sleep each night. It wasn't good for him.

She quietly walked over to the opposite couch and sat down, pulling a cushion into her lap and hugging it as she watched her sleeping boyfriend. She took a deep breath. She had to admit that she had felt a flash of jealousy when she had first walked in, seeing Shuichi sleeping so peacefully on Yuki's shoulder, so trustingly. Yuki had seemed really relaxed as well, for probably the first time that she had known him. Most of the time it seemed the man was always on his guard, as though he was hiding something, yet Shuichi seemed to have complete faith in him. They must have been good friends before for Shu to feel so comfortable with the man to just be able to fall asleep like that.

She settled down a little further in the couch. Yuki would be a while yet. It took some time to drive to the airport, wait for the other people to get through customs and get back here to the hotel. They would probably want to freshen up a little as well after the flight. So she'll let Shuichi sleep till then.

"Oh, Annette, dear," Annette looked up to see Shuichi's mother leaning her head around the doorway. "Is Shuichi not here?"

Annette nodded and pointed silently towards the other couch. Frowning a little, Shuichi's mother walked forward and gazed down at her son. A gentle smile spread across her face.

"He always did look wonderful when he was asleep." she said softly, then looked over at Annette. "Of course, he was quite a handful when he was awake though! The number of times we would have to try and force him to go to sleep instead of playing with his music all night! Not to mention how loudly he would sing sometimes when he was taking a bath! His poor father had to buy earplugs so he could concentrate enough to read the paper!

Her smile softened. "He always was so passionate about his music and his dream though. No matter how frustrating it sometimes was, or how much I despaired at times, I was always very proud of him for having the dedication to make his dream come true, for truly believing in himself that way. It's a very rare thing to find in people. He always did have such a stubborn streak, and he was never one to let himself be dragged down by anything- at least not for long!"

She looked back down at Shuichi, leaning over to gently brush an errant stand of hair back from his forehead. "I'm so glad that he's back with us." she whispered so softly that Annette almost couldn't hear her. "I was so worried. I didn't want to believe he was gone, none of us would believe it. Then Yuki went missing as well and we were completely frantic, until we got told that he was over here looking for Shuichi. That was such a relief! I was worried that we had lost both of them."

She smiled warmly at the sleeping boy. "I'm so glad to have both my boys back." She looked over to Annette, a heart-warming smile on her face even though her eyes were bright with tears, but the girl could tell they were more tears of happiness than sadness.

"What….do you mean by having your 'boys' back?" Annette queried a little hesitantly. "I thought Shuichi didn't have a brother? Do you mean Yuki? Is he related to Shu?" That might explain the closeness that she sensed between the two of them – if they were related. But Yuki hadn't said anything about that!

"Oh!" Shuichi's mother looked a little flustered for a moment and Annette wondered why the question appeared to have upset her. It wasn't what she had intended. "Well, in a way, but not really." She absently smoothed the front of her skirt. "Yuki's just very…close to the family, and has been for some time now. I've just become used to thinking of him like another….son." She let out a light peal of laughter. "Don't tell him that though, he would probably be embarrassed to hear it! It's just a silly woman's little foible after all! Don't worry about it, dear!"

She turned to the door. "Well, I'll leave him to sleep and I'll go freshen up a little before Mr. Sakano and the others arrive. It will be lovely to see them, and I'm sure Shuichi will start to remember even more once he meets them. They are all very unique personalities."

Annette watched as she gave a small parting wave with a bright smile before turning down the hall.

Now, that was….odd, Annette thought, looking at the now empty doorway.

"So you actually pulled it off?" Hiro said.

Yuki took the proffered hand and shook it, staring at the man before him. Hiro looked older, he thought. Obviously the stress of having Shuichi missing and trying to be supportive to the Shindou family, had taken its toll on his friend.

Yuki looked over Hiro's shoulder. "Where are the rest of the idiots?"

Hiro glanced back also. "They're still coming. Oh, there's Suguru. Hey!" he called out the last more loudly, raising a hand to wave. Fujisaki noticed and acknowledged with a far more discreet hand motion and began to make his way towards them, carrying his bag over his shoulder.

As he reached them, Hiro spoke again. "So, did you see what's holding up the others?"

Suguru sighed and dropped his bag to the ground, stretching his back. "Last I saw was K being dragged off, cursing and swearing, to a private room by two burly airport security men, with Sakano scampering along behind, apologizing profusely. If I were to hazard a guess, I would say they might be a while."

"What's he done now, do you think?" Hiro ran an exasperated hand through his long locks, fingers snagging on knots from the long flight.

Suguru shrugged, not appearing particularly concerned. "Probably tried to bring some form of illegal weapon into this country, I imagine."

"So what's new?"

"Exactly."

"Well, I suppose we had better wait for them." Hiro said, looking back at the doors. He turned back to Yuki. "What do you think?"

"Fuck them." Yuki answered bluntly. Hiro's eyebrows rose. "I'm not waiting around here for those two fucking imbeciles." Yuki turned on his heels, making his way to the exit doors. "If you're coming, then come now, because I'm leaving."

Hiro looked at Suguru. "What do you say?"

"Well," Suguru answered, reaching down to pick up his bag. "I'd say that we may as well leave. We really don't know how long they'll keep K and Sakano, so we may as well go with Yuki. You keep him from leaving until I catch up with you." He turned and began to walk briskly away.

"Hey, where are you going?"

Suguru looked back over his shoulder. "I'll leave a message here to tell K that we've already gone on."

"Oh, okay. Don't take too much time. I don't think I'll be able delay Yuki for too long."

"I won't."

Hiro hurried off in the direction that Yuki had disappeared, racing out into the car park, searching for the tall blond form, and upon spotting it, quickly managed to catch up. Fujisaki wasn't far behind, for which Hiro was extremely thankful as the expression on Yuki's face didn't bode well for anyone who happened to cross him in any way, shape or form that day.

Yuki was obviously having a baaaaad day!

They didn't talk in the car on the way to the hotel which wasn't really surprising, and didn't feel particularly odd either. Both he and Fujisaki were tired from their flight, for even though they could afford to fly first class neither of them could sleep with the anticipation of finally seeing Shuichi again. Suguru had actually finally admitted to Hiro that he was feeling very nervous about seeing his lead singer once more; nervous and afraid that Shuichi would no longer be the person that they remembered. Hiro hadn't had the courage to admit that he had much the same feelings. He felt it was his place to try and keep up the spirits of everyone else as he was concerned that Shuichi would pick up on their worries and respond negatively to them. He certainly didn't want to risk that occurring!

So between their worries, he and Fujisaki had spent the entire flight playing video games against each other, which was at least a pleasant enough way to wile away the hours, but not conducive to getting a good rest so they arrived feeling fresh at the end of the trip!

So their tiredness was certainly a contributing factor to the silence that sat heavily in the car, but it wasn't the only reason. Yuki had never spent lengthy periods talking with either Hiro or Suguru previously. Their conversations and meetings tended to be brief and to the point, and there had always been Shuichi there to act as a buffer zone. Generally, with Shuichi there, he would always keep the conversation flowing with ease, drawing everyone in almost against their wishes, but none of them could ever find the heart to fight against him.

Hiro cast a side-long glance at Yuki driving. Even now, after this many years, Hiro was still amazed at how so many different personalities could gravitate around his friend. Most people only attract like people; people with the same tastes, same views, same personalities, sometimes so they all seemed like little carbon copies of each other.

But not Shuichi. No, if there were people that could be more different than he in personality, they seemed to be the ones he gathered. From K and Sakano, or Tohma Seguchi and Fujisaki. Or even Hiro himself. They were all so different from Shuichi and from each other in, oh, so many ways, but they were all sucked into Shuichi's wormhole to another world - the Shuichi-verse!

However, the oddest personality to be affected by Shuichi would have to be Yuki. Eiri Yuki; famous romance novelist, who was renowned as a real ladies man, and there had never been even a hint of him being interested in guys, yet almost immediately he fell against the unstoppable and invincible assault of Shuichi Shindou. Fell, crumbled like a cookie, rolled over and played dead; you name the metaphor and that's the way it was. Oh, not right away perhaps – but even when Yuki was trying to fight Shuichi, he hadn't figured it out yet. Shuichi had already won.

As they entered the hotel, Yuki strode quickly over to the reception and returned in a matter of moments. "Here," he said, holding out two keys. "I didn't think you would want to share."

"Thanks." Hiro said reaching out to take the keys, passing one to Fujisaki.

"I'll have them call you when the other morons finally arrive. Unless their sorry asses have been thrown in jail for good this time."

"Don't say that, even if you are joking." Suguru said, unsmiling. "If that happens we're the ones that will have to try and sort out the mess. I, for one, do not want to waste my time doing so."

"I'm sure it will be fine." Hiro said calmly. "K can usually talk his way out of these things, one way or another."

"As long as he doesn't manage to kill anyone in the process!" Suguru muttered, turning and making his way to the elevator. "I'll catch you later."

"Come with me." Yuki suddenly said to Hiro.

"Huh?"

"Come on." Hiro followed Yuki, bemused. He waited as Yuki pulled out a key and opened up the door they finally stopped at. "Shut the door behind you." Hiro did as he was asked.

He guessed this was Yuki's room. "What's up, man?"

"Wait." as Yuki turned towards the wardrobe.

Hiro didn't bother arguing. He knew perfectly well that he wasn't going to get any further conversation out of Yuki unless the man wanted to say something to him. How Shuichi put up with it, he didn't know. Then again, Shuichi usually talked so much that it probably didn't matter if Yuki was a little less gregarious!

He watched Yuki pull a bag out of the bottom of the wardrobe and drop it on the end of the bed. He unzipped it and reached in, pulling out clothing. "I want you to take this and give it to him. Tell him you brought it over."

"What….?" Hiro looked at the clothing now lying on the bed and immediately recognized some of the items. They were Shuichi's! He looked quickly up at Yuki. Had the man been carrying this around with him the whole time? He must have been. He must have packed it when he first left Japan.

Yuki stared back at him with cold eyes; Hiro could read nothing in his expression. Not surprising - he thought that Shuichi was probably the only person that really understood Yuki and could tell what the man was thinking. Hiro knew that he certainly couldn't most of the time, and this was no exception.

He didn't know what to say. The man must have had such faith, right from the start, that he would eventually find Shuichi, which is why he packed the clothing. What must it have been like though, to have that constant reminder all this time? And now, with the way things were, what must the man have been thinking, feeling?

He glanced down at the clothing again. "What do you want me to do with it?"

"Give it to him."

"Why don't you?"

"It'd be better coming from you. Say you brought it over for him from his place."

"His place? Oh, you mean that flat that Tohma said he'd organized."

Yuki nodded, shrugging out of his jacket and tossing it over the back of a chair. "That's right. Shuichi would just get confused why I would be carrying his things, but it wouldn't be so strange coming from his best friend." Yuki drew out a cigarette and lit it.

"It would look even less strange coming from his lover." Hiro said quietly.

Yuki's face lit demonically with the flare from the glowing end of the cigarette in the dimness of the curtain-enshrouded room. "He doesn't know about that. He was never my lover. Understand?" Yuki's voice dropped, sending a chill up Hiro's spine as a sense of danger filled the air. "That is the story. So remember it."

Hiro licked his lips nervously. He had seen Yuki look like this once before, a long time ago. That time he had exacted his revenge for the harm inflicted on Shuichi. It hadn't been a pretty sight. Oh, yes, Yuki could be dangerous, and for all that he did seem to have changed somewhat over the time from being with Shuichi, he had not completely lost that wildness. He was tamed, but not fully domesticated.

"Okay." Hiro said, holding out his hands, signaling his agreement. "For now, you win. I'll give him the clothes." He fixed Yuki with his own steely gaze. "But we'll be talking about this later."

"Fine." Yuki drawled, taking another draw on his cigarette.

Hiro gathered the clothing and toiletries into his arms then turned to the door. "I might grab a quick nap while we're waiting, so don't forget to give us a call when the others turn up."

Hiro came awake with a jolt for two reasons. One was the jarring ringing from the hotel phone on the bedside table right next to where his head rested on the pillow. The other reason was from the sound of a .45 magnum shooting a bullet directly through the wall above the said head. His wide eyes were glazed with fear as they glared up at the demon looming over him, flowing blond locks cascading over the shoulders as the gun took aim once more.

"I'm awake! I'm awake!" Hiro shouted in panic, desperately trying to forestall another volley.

"Ah, Nakano. Good to see you."

Hiro sat up cautiously, checking for signs of bodily damage. Two arms, two legs, one head, no holes in any other portion of his anatomy either. He let out a deep sigh of relief, then glared at K as he perched comfortably on the arm of one of the chairs in Hiro's room.

"Shit, man! When will you stop doing that kind of crap!" K just smirked at him, absently twirling his gun in one hand. Hiro eyed it nervously. "And just how the hell did you get that thing through customs anyway? Last I heard you were being dragged off for interrogation."

K stood, making his way over to the mini bar. He holstered his weapon before opening it and pulling out two cans of beer. He tossed one to Hiro who caught it easily. "Oh, I just had a little chat with them and they let me go."

"With that?" Hiro nodded towards the gun.

"I explained I couldn't just leave it behind. I'd miss it so much." K reached up and lovingly stroked the grip. That action made Hiro go cold all over. It really gave him the creeps to see K getting all lovey-dovey with a gun! K looked at him and smirked, as though he could read Hiro's thoughts. Damn bastard was doing it deliberately!

Hiro rolled his eyes as he opened his beer, taking a long swallow. "Then they must be just as mad over here as they are elsewhere to let a maniac like you around armed."

K also took a drink from his beer, sitting back down in the chair. "I had expected you to be waiting for us. That would have been the polite thing to do."

"Yuki wasn't in any mood to wait. We were lucky he bothered picking us up at all."

"Ah, so he was being a little difficult, was he?"

Hiro shrugged, drinking again. "No more than usual, I don't think."

Then he jumped as the phone began ringing again. That's right, it had rung before but in his attempt to get a grip on the waking nightmare that was K, he hadn't been able to answer it. Now he reached over and picked up the receiver. "Hello? Oh, yes, thank you. If you can pass the message on that I'll be down shortly. Thank you." Hiro hung up.

"Who was that?" K asked.

"Reception. Apparently Yuki had said to call me when you and Sakano had arrived. So I gather you've just got here?"

"That's right. It did take a little longer than I had thought to finalise things at the airport."

"Where's Sakano?"

"Probably going through the phone directory to try and find the closest psychiatrist. He was looking a little pale by the time we left. I don't think he's getting enough fibre in his diet." An evil glint sparkled in K's eyes. "Or perhaps he needs a little more iron." he said in a low rasping voice as his hand reached towards his holstered weapon.

"That is more like lead!" Hiro said quickly, stopping the motion. "And you can die from lead poisoning!" Not to mention that copious holes in your body tends to be hazardous to your health also! Geez, how the hell did they end up with this lunatic as a manager again!

K pouted at him. "You're just no fun." he moaned, standing and walking to look out the window. Hiro let out a breath. One more catastrophe averted.

"So has Yuki changed his mind?" K suddenly spoke up.

Hiro looked over at K's back. "You mean about telling Shuichi about the two of them?"

"Yes."

"No. He still seems adamant that he doesn't want any of us telling Shuichi the truth about them."

"Why do you think that is?"

"How should I know?" Hiro took another long drink and found he had reached the end of the can. Searching the room, he spotted an open-topped basket for rubbish in the far corner. Taking aim, he launched the empty beer can into the air and watched with satisfaction as it made a direct hit.

"You know them the best." K said, turning to look at Hiro.

"I don't know Yuki at all. Not really." Hiro stated, drawing his knees up on the bed and clasping them with his hands.

K half shrugged. "May be, maybe not. You do, however, know Shuichi very well."

"Well, yeah, we go way back."

"So why wouldn't Yuki want to tell Shuichi about their relationship?"

"You're asking a question I can't answer." Hiro said. "Yes, I know Shuichi, but I don't know Yuki's mind."

"Well, don't you think Shuichi would want to know?"

"Yes, I do. But it's also not my place to say it either. Yuki's the one that's been here with Shu, and it is their relationship. As much as I believe that Shu should know, I can't be the one to tell him. And another thing," He looked at K steadily. "Shuichi still doesn't remember most things. Until I can meet him and see exactly what he is like now, I really don't want to say anything too soon."

"So you're just going to go along with this lie?" K asked, walking across and dropping his empty can into the basket.

"For the moment. Until I determine if it would be best for Shuichi to know the truth now, or not." Hiro swung his long legs off the bed and stood, turning to face K. He looked the American directly in the face. "No matter what - I won't let anyone do anything to hurt Shuichi any more. If that means keeping the truth from him at the moment, or telling him now, what ever is the best for him, and anyone who tries to act for anything other than Shuichi's best interests, will have to answer to me. Is that understood?"

K looked back at Hiro, his eyes unflinching. Then the corner of his mouth rose in a half smile. "Very well, Nakano. It's your call." He turned towards the door. "You'd better get yourself dressed. They are no doubt waiting for us downstairs. I'll go check on Sakano in case he's tried to throw himself off the balcony, or managed to slit his throat whilst shaving. See you shortly." and the door shut behind him.

Hiro sat down heavily on the edge of the bed. He wasn't feeling at all good about any of this. He wanted to see Shuichi so desperately. He had missed his friend terribly during this time. Maiko had called him every night to tell him how Shu was, what things he was remembering, all the things that he wasn't. There was still so much more that he couldn't remember, than what he could. Maiko would generally end up swinging from happiness at what her brother did recall, to tears when he couldn't. Hiro was feeling this roller-coaster of emotions just as much.

When Tohma had informed them of the lie that Yuki had wanted to foster, he had been completely incensed. How dare that bastard think he has the right to hide such a thing from Shuichi! And to set up that fake apartment, not even give Shuichi his old home back! That was really low! If Yuki had been back in Japan at that time, Hiro would have been around there in a flash to pummel some sense into the man's thick skull! Since he wasn't, Yuki had saved himself a beating.

Hiro had originally made up his mind that he didn't give a damn what Yuki wanted, he would tell Shuichi the truth. He wasn't going to start out lying to his best friend now, of all times! However, after listening to Maiko each night, getting a better understanding of what the situation really was – now he wasn't so sure that he should. He still hated the idea of lying to Shuichi, but was it necessarily the best thing to drop something like this on him right out of the blue?

Maiko had said that he had a girlfriend, that she seemed nice and the two of them seemed happy together. That had surprised Hiro a little. Bet that had been like a kick in the guts for Yuki though, he thought sympathetically. Couldn't have been easy for the man to be here and seeing Shuichi getting all cozy with someone else, and a girl no less. No, that must have sucked big time!

So just what would it accomplish in telling Shuichi at this time that Yuki was his lover? Would it solve anything? He actually doubted it. It would probably just confuse the issue, not to mention hurt both Shuichi and his girlfriend. Just because Yuki had been Shuichi's lover before, doesn't mean that Shuichi was still in love with him. He is with this girl now, and he knew that his friend was never one to just get into a relationship lightly, so he must really care about this girl. So maybe he wasn't in love with Yuki any more. So, by telling him of that past relationship, might only embarrass both Shuichi and Yuki.

Hiro scrubbed both hands over his face. His head hurt trying to think this through. What was the right thing to do? Leave Shuichi in peace to continue on with this new relationship? Tell him about his old relationship? What about the band? Would Shuichi even want to come back to 'Bad Luck'? It was never about the fame and fortune for Shuichi, it was all about the music. Had that changed?

Until he finally had the chance to see Shuichi again, face to face, he couldn't find the answer to any of these questions yet. So he would meet him, talk with him, determine how much of his old friend was still there, and how much was lost - and make a decision at that time.

And what ever decision he came to, he would do it only if he truly believed it was for the best for Shuichi himself – no matter what anyone else wanted.


	30. Chapter 30

Title: The Key to My Heart: Chapter 31

Author: JadeHeart

Located/Archived: Found on & If anyone else would like it, please ask me first

Fandom: Gravitation

Rating: M

Warnings: angst, bad language

**Disclaimer: **I do not own the characters in this, except that of Annette and Agent Jim Harris who are my original characters. All other main characters belong to the creators of 'Gravitation', and I am not making any profits from this story.

Chapter 31

Sakano walked out of the bathroom into the darkening room, wiping his hands fastidiously on a towel, when the door to the hotel room shook with three resounding thumps like the peals of doom approaching.

He felt a shiver run up his spine as they sounded again. No hotel employee would knock like that, so who could it be? The place wasn't haunted, was it? Yuki hadn't mentioned that it was, nor had the hotel staff.

He shook in his shoes as the thumps sounded out for a third time, wondering what he should do. He could see the door bathed in the dim lighting thrown by the night light in the short hall.

Oh, no! He panicked - he hadn't put the security chain on! Had he locked it? Surely he had, surely he was safe!

He shook harder and his heart froze in his chest as he saw the handle slowly turn. It was locked, it was locked, he muttered in a silent mantra. It was locked, he was safe!

His frightened eyes were fixed on the slowly moving handle, watching it turn further and further, and then his breath caught as he heard the click of the latch opening.

"Aarghhhhhhhhh!" he screamed, falling to his knees as the door was thrust violently inwards and a dark shadow was silhouetted in the space, looming tall in the doorway, arms outstretched to touch either wall.

It was monstrous! It was huge! Sakano babbled silently. I'm going to diiiiiieeeeee!

"Are you ready yet?" The room flared into brightness, causing Sakano to blink owlishly behind his glasses. K stood in the doorway, hand still on the light switch, looking down at his friend huddled on the carpet, quizzically. "If you've lost something, you'd have a better chance of finding it if you had turned the lights on."

Sakano breathed a sigh of immense relief, straightened his tie then righted his skewed glasses before standing, settling his shoulders back and drawing himself up to his full height.

"Ah, well, I….oh, never mind." He turned away and walked over to where their bags were lying open. "Is it time?"

"Yes. Shuichi is waiting for us downstairs."

"Good. I'm looking forward to seeing Shindou again, it's been a while. It's such a relief to finally know that he is all right." Sakano pulled out a large portfolio file from his case.

"What's that?" K wanted to know.

"Oh, I took the liberty of compiling a simple portfolio of Bad Luck's career to-date. I thought it might help jog Shindou's memory."

"Humph!" K muttered, grabbing his jacket from his own case. "Why shouldn't he remember everything when he meets all of us?" He said sounding disgruntled. "We were the ones working with him all the time and putting up with his constant mood swings!"

Sakano tipped his head to one side, watching the blond American. "Well, it doesn't seem likely that he will do so. After all, he hasn't remembered a great deal even after meeting with Yuki and I, for one, thought that would have been the true trigger. It would appear that the damage may be more intensive than we at first thought."

"Well, if Yuki had just told the kid about the two of them in the first place then he probably would have." K growled. "All this pussy-footing around is ridiculous!"

Sakano pushed his glasses up his nose with one long elegant finger. "The President said that we were to follow Eiri Yuki's lead on this, and not to deviate from that plan."

"Tohma doesn't know what he's talking about." K glared out the window of the room. "How does he expect to get his number one selling product back to Japan and straight into the recording studio if we don't get his memories back!"

"The President believes that Shindou has not lost his talent, even if he has lost his memories. He is sure that he will still be able to sing, and most likely still write lyrics also. So the fact that he still doesn't have all his memories yet is a minor inconvenience. What he does want this meeting to achieve is to help convince Shindou to return to Japan and the life he was leading there. That is our number one priority at this point."

"Shuichi will return with us, never fear." K said firmly.

Sakano held up a hand. "We can't force him to do so. The President made it quite clear that it had to be his choice, with no coercion from us."

"Oh, I'm not going to force him." K said with an evil grin. "All he needs is a little incentive to see our way of thinking." K pulled out one of his guns and waved it around. "I'm sure I can convince him of that."

K turned to the door and Sakano called out. "You can't! The President most specifically said we were not to do anything like that!"

"Tohma's not here to know about it, and he's not going to care once Shuichi's back!" K kept walking.

"Nooooooo!" The loud wail was followed immediately by a long hard body tackling K from behind and pushing him to the floor.

He was caught completely by surprise at the unexpectedness of the attack, something which didn't often happen, and before he knew it his beloved weapon was snatched from his hand. "Hey, give that back!" he demanded, sitting up as the weight was removed from his back.

He looked up to see his metallic baby clutched in Sakano's unsteady hands. K slowly stood, warily eyeing the violently shaking man. Despite his fear and the obvious uncertainty of handling a gun, Sakano actually held himself in a proper firing stance, something that impressed K a little, even in the current situation.

"I can't let you go against the President's orders." Sakano said between gritted teeth, the gun still wavering.

"Ah, Sakano, let's put that down now, shall we?" K reached out to take the weapon and heard the click as Sakano released the safety.

"You…will…not….change…the ….plan!" Sakano grated out, glaring at K quite fiercely.

K let his hand drop and eyed the man before him. He knew that Sakano couldn't hit the side of a house when he aimed a gun, but that just made him far more dangerous. Because he would hit the light-post, the garbage can, the weathervane on the roof, the next door's cat, and anything else within the vicinity of the reach of the bullet – but he couldn't hit the side of the house!

So a fully loaded, unlocked gun in the hands of this bumbling novice became a far deadlier weapon than it would ever be in K's capable grip. K wondered if Sakano realized that.

K let out a deep sigh of disgruntlement and held his hands up in surrender. "Okay, you win."

Sakano eyed him warily. "You won't threaten Shindou in any way?"

K shook his head. "No, I won't."

"You won't try to shoot him accidentally?"

"No." Though K had been trying to come up with some possible scenarios where he could do just that. Damn, foiled again!

"You won't hire anyone else to do something to Shindou, like kidnap him or anything?"

"No." Damn it, Sakano was good! He knew every trick that K was likely to think of!

"You won't let slip about Shindou's relationship with Yuki. You will maintain the story as it has been told to him at the moment, and you will support it whole heartedly." Sakano said firmly.

K glared at him sulkily, shoulders slumping, hands thrust in pockets in anger. "Do I really have to?" Sakano glared at him icily. K sighed again. "Fine! Yes, I will. Happy now?" K knew that he sounded like a child but didn't really care. Sakano had just spoiled all his fun!

Sakano watched him for a moment longer and then he slipped the safety back on the gun before tossing it to a startled K. After being around K for so many years, Sakano had had no choice but to learn quickly a little about the handling and use of firearms, mainly in the hope of avoiding the manger's bizarre habit of toting weapons around and using them indiscriminately on whomever he decided was in need of bodily ventilation at the time. Sakano had intended to prevent that from occurring to himself at all costs. Self-preservation is a wonderful incentive to learn!

K quickly reached out to catch the weapon thrown towards him, and cradled it lovingly against his chest, running his hand gently over the outer casing as though checking it hadn't suffered any harm from being held by an amateur.

"Good. I'm glad we understand each other now." Sakano said in a calm clear voice, which held a touch of steel.

K looked at his friend and fellow colleague. He was always surprised when he glimpsed these brief moments when Sakano showed he really did have a backbone under all that jelly. He wondered why Sakano never seemed to reveal more of this hidden side of his character. Was the man that uncertain of himself, or was there a deeper reason for it? Sakano had been around Tohma Seguchi for a long time now, had even been trained by him. Tohma didn't suffer fools gladly, which more than one person had learnt to their detriment. Tohma wouldn't have kept Sakano around for this long unless he was good - not only at his job, but also if he knew that Sakano had what it takes to go far in this business.

Hmm, K slipped his weapon into the holster under his arm, thinking. I wonder if most of what we see is the real Sakano or was it just a front? A little like the ever-present, pleasantly smiling countenance that Tohma Seguchi wore for the world. Could Sakano also have developed this as a façade? Now that was a scary thought!

"So, we have to stay with things the way they are?" K queried in the hope that Sakano may still change his mind and allow him to drag Shuichi, kicking and screaming, or gagged and bound – whatever works, he thought – back to Japan.

"That is what the President has requested." Meaning ordered, K interpreted correctly.

"I don't get it." K said, slipping his coat on. "Why isn't Tohma more worried? His best asset for NG Productions could slip away if he's not careful."

"The President believes that Shindou will return."

"Why? We're not really giving him any real incentive to do so." K said. "What makes Tohma so sure?"

"He doesn't believe that Shindou could ever truly give up music." Sakano explained. "Sooner or later, he would come back to it. The President believes that this time of new experiences that Shindou has been through will only enrich his lyric writing and so he expects that Bad Luck's next album with be a huge success."

K raised an eyebrow. "He's already thinking that far ahead?"

"Of course. That is why Tohma Seguchi is the president of NG Productions."

That was only too true, K thought. Tohma always had a hundred strings held in his hands and always knew just which one to pull to get the result that he wanted. He seemed to be absolutely certain that Shuichi would return, even though their meeting with him hadn't even occurred yet. K shook his head in amazement. The manipulations of Tohma Seguchi were a wonder to behold. It was like watching a blond good-looking angel make every wish come true. As long as that wish was Tohma Seguchi's!

He cleared his throat to break the silence that had descended between them. "Well, shall we go?"

"Certainly." Sakano walked towards him, holding the file in his hands once more. "Don't forget to lock the door properly." he told K. "And turn off all the lights."

K rolled his eyes at the other man's fussiness but followed the instructions, and they both walked towards the elevator.

"Shu." He heard his name softly spoken. "Shu." It came again. He grumbled a little as he began to pull his mind out of the inky blackness of sleep. Blinking his eyes, he focused on Annette leaning over him, one hand still gently shaking him on the shoulder to rouse him. She smiled down at him.

"I was wondering if I was going to have to get more violent." she said with humour. "You were dead to the world."

Shuichi yawed widely and stretched his arms upwards, feeling joints pop and grate. "That felt good." he said, rubbing his hand across his eyes to remove the last vestiges of sleep and sitting up. "What time is it?"

"Almost time to meet everyone."

"Oh." Shuichi looked around the room. "Where's Yuki?"

"He went to pick up the others from the airport." Annette told him. "We didn't want to wake you if there was no need."

"So they're already here?" She nodded silently. "Hmm." He gazed silently off into space.

Annette sat down next to him. "Worried?" she asked.

He looked over at her. "A little. Nervous, I guess. I…just don't know what to expect."

"Well, the thing is to not expect anything." Annette said practically. "Why create a bad scenario when there's no need? You may find that they are all perfectly ordinary and you've been worrying about nothing all this time."

Shuichi ran a hand through his hair, straightening out the longer length at the back. "I guess."

"Don't fret about something you can't change." Annette said with a smile to him. "It'll be fine. You'll see."

They then heard a clatter drawing closer to the door and looked over to it. Shuichi felt his stomach tighten a little in trepidation, and felt Annette take his hand and give it a reassuring squeeze.

The door opened and he let out a huge sigh of relief to see that the first person to enter was Yuki. The sight of the man made him feel calmer and stronger immediately and he took comfort from that. His parents and sister followed, which was another reassuring feeling.

Coming after was a tall man with long blond hair, a lean man with glasses, followed by a younger man in his early 20's with long red hair and an easy smile, and a shorter teen with dark intense eyes and a serious expression.

Four knowns, four unknowns, Shuichi thought, immediately categorizing the groups. With Annette here, that means the knowns make 5 and so outnumber the unknowns. That simple thought gave him some comfort.

He released Annette's hand and stood to meet the new people. Yuki stepped to one side to make way for the others, whilst his family seated themselves on one of the couches in the room.

"This is your manager, K; your producer, Sakano; Nakano and Fujisaki are the other members of Bad Luck." Yuki made the curt introductions.

All four smiled at Shuichi and he tried not to feel like he was facing a group of piranha with large teeth about to shred him to pieces. The blond man, K, especially seemed to have a very predatory gleam in his eye.

"Ah….hi?" Shuichi said uncertainly, not quite knowing what to do or say.

"Shuichi!" Hiro pushed forward with joy, reaching out to embrace him, but the blank look and small involuntary shift of weight away from his advance pulled him up short and he didn't complete the motion.

Hiro looked into Shuichi's face. With an effort, he kept his calm smile in place. He could see there was no recognition in Shuichi's eyes, but even the confused intensity of his gaze at this moment, was very familiar to Hiro, reminding him of so many other times his friend had looked like that.

No wonder Yuki looked like shit, he thought with a pang. Seeing Shuichi remembering nothing of his association with him must be tearing him apart. It hurt - as Hiro now realized only all too well.

Shuichi looked at the man before him; tall, lean, with long, flowing red hair. The smile was open and friendly, with warm eyes. Shuichi felt something tugging at the back of his mind but nothing came forward.

"I'll leave you to it." Yuki's voice cut through Shuichi's concentration. He glanced quickly over to the other man, feeling a little panicked as Yuki turned to the door to leave.

"Aren't you staying?" he asked, trying not to sound desperate.

Yuki glanced over his shoulder. "No. You've got a lot of catching up to do."

"I'll see you later. Right?"

Yuki paused, not looking back this time, then answered. "Sure." and left the room.

Shuichi saw his mother whisper something quietly to his father and stand, giving him a quick smile before she followed Yuki out the door.

"Yuki!"

He turned at the call from behind to see Shuichi's mother hurrying to catch up with him. When she came abreast with him she smiled brightly and said, "Come and sit down for a coffee with me, will you?"

He didn't really feel like being with anyone, certainly not any member of Shuichi's family as they all reminded him far too much of his partner. All the little family mannerisms that they mirrored in each other only served to remind him of what he didn't have and it hurt to be around them. However, he also couldn't deny her so he silently followed in her wake.

As they settled at the table, he remained uncommunicative whilst she ordered for him, knowing exactly what he liked and how he liked it. The coffee arrived quickly, along with a slice of strawberry shortcake for Yuki. He glanced up at her and she smiled back, eyes twinkling.

"You may as well eat up and stop pretending you don't want it." she said, laughter in her voice. "I know you can't resist it, so humour me."

He looked back at the plate and was tempted to rudely push it aside but just at that moment his stomach rumbled loudly enough for both of them to hear. She let out a light peal of laughter and his shoulders slumped. Betrayed by his own body, he reluctantly picked up the fork and took the first mouthful.

"So are you really just giving up?"

The question caught him off-guard and he froze, fork poised half-way to his mouth. He looked up to see her watching him over the rim of her cup. She took a slow sip and carefully placed her cup down, before leaning forward onto the table.

"Won't you try and make things right between you both?"

Yuki laid his fork down, the thought of further food nauseous to his roiling stomach. He looked away from her gaze. "It wouldn't do any good." he said flatly.

He heard her sigh and the soft chink of china as she picked up her cup again. "That is where I think you are wrong." she said.

He looked back at her. She was still watching him. She sighed again and her eyes softened further. She smiled gently at him. "We can't do anything to make you change your mind, I know. This is your choice but, Yuki, I want you to know that you will always be welcome in our home. Please keep in touch, and don't forget about us, no matter what you decide. Will you at least promise me that?"

Promise, Yuki thought, she wants me to promise something like that! I can't! His throat refused to work as a feeling of entrapment filled him.

Another sigh and she spoke again. "Very well, I'm sorry. I can't make you promise such a thing but please at least think about it? I truly do believe that there is still hope. I know my son, I can see the way he looks at you. There's still something there, deep inside. I'm sure of it."

Yuki turned away again, his hand in his lap clenched tightly. She was wrong. There was no hope, she hadn't been here before and seen how Shuichi would pull away from him. She obviously hadn't noticed Shuichi holding that girl's hand when they had come into the room just now. There was no hope. Hope was gone.

"I'll be leaving soon. I'm making arrangements." he said abruptly.

"Oh." was her quiet reply.

He picked up his own nearly-cold coffee cup. "There's not much point remaining here any longer now. Shuichi's got everyone he needs here. It's time I got back to work." He felt his stomach kick at him again as the lukewarm coffee hit it and he lowered the cup before he was ill. He pushed his chair back, making ready to stand.

"Just a moment." Shuichi's mother stayed him with her words as she reached into her handbag, pulling out a small velvet box and pushing it towards him. He looked at it, then up at her. She nodded at it, "Go on. Open it."

He reached out and did so. Nestled inside was a watch, old and ornate, obviously worth quite a sum in antique value alone.

"It belongs to my husband, and has been passed down through his family from generation to generation. It would have gone to Shuichi upon his marriage as has been tradition."

Yuki looked up at her, remaining silent, unsure of why she was telling him this.

"We have no way of repaying you for everything you have done in searching for Shuichi. You have returned to us the most precious thing in our lives, one of our children. There is no greater gift. We want you to have this watch to say thank you."

"I didn't do it for payment." Yuki felt anger at the suggestion that he had done so.

"No, no, I didn't mean it like that! I'm saying this very badly." She caught his hand, clenched still on the box, looking at him earnestly. "We want you to have it because you are a part of our family. It's not just a thank you for your help in this matter, it's because we truly believe that this watch should stay in the family."

"Then giving it to me would be a waste of time." Yuki snapped the lid shut loudly.

"No, it wouldn't. We believe that you and Shuichi will be together again one day. On that day, on the day that you return to each other once more, give this watch to Shuichi."

"I can't take it." Yuki stood but she held fast to his hand, looking up at him imploringly.

"Please, Yuki! It would mean the world to both my husband and I. Please accept it."

Yuki couldn't find it in himself to brush her aside, to turn and storm away and ignore the box on the table between us. They thought that this trinket would bind Shuichi and him together? They were that certain that it would remain in the family by giving it to him? Were they crazy!

He looked into her eyes, seeing the unshed tears. Shuichi's mother had always been supportive of his relationship with Shuichi, although the intensity at which she would sometimes try and mother him he had found quite daunting at times. This was also the first time that he had heard that Shuichi's father also supported his son's lifestyle choice. Now **that** was a surprise.

Slowly he reached out and picked up the box, slipping it into his pocket. "Alright, I'll take it, but I'll only keep it for a year. Then I'll give it back to you."

"Give it to Shuichi."

Gods, she was so stubborn! It certainly showed where Shuichi got it from!

"Which ever comes first." He compromised, turning away.

"Thank you." he heard her say as he walked off.

"Really? I met Ryuichi Sakuma!" Shuichi's voice rose another notch with excitement.

Everyone was seated now in the room. Shuichi and Annette sat on one couch, joined by Hiro. Opposite sat K, Sakano and Fujisaki, whilst Shuichi's parents and Maiko occupied the third. Shuichi's mother had returned not long after leaving and rejoined them. Shuichi had looked up hopefully as she had entered, wondering if Yuki had also changed his mind and decided to join them but there was no sign of the older man.

The conversation had been a little stilted at first as Shuichi tried to place the relationships he had had with the various people now surrounding him. He continued to flick back and forth through the portfolio Sakano had presented to him, pictures and clippings filling each page. Some of the images Shuichi could remember seeing when he and Annette had searched through the internet, others were new. However, nothing was leaping out at him.

Then the subject of Ryuichi Sakuma had come up in passing and Shuichi's ears had pricked up and his blood had begun to race with excitement. Now he was being told that he had actually **known** the famous singer!

"You're kidding!" Shuichi couldn't believe his ears. Surely this must be some joke!

"Not at all." K said. "You and he were even friends."

"Friends? No way! How could I have been friends with him! He's a star! I've been listening to him the whole time I've been over here. I was going to go to his next concert because I just think he's so great!"

"You did know him, Shindou." Sakano told him. "You've even sung with him."

Shuichi's eyes widened even further with surprise. "Sung? With him!" his voice squeaked.

"A number of times. He was always very supportive of you. You knew all the members of Nittle Grasper."

"Nittle Grasper? Oh, the band Ryuichi was in before, right? I haven't heard any of their music, but I've got everything Ryuichi's done solo!"

Interesting, Hiro thought listening to his friend gush with enthusiasm. Shuichi couldn't remember Nittle Grasper, his all time favourite band, and yet had immediately gravitated towards Ryuichi Sakuma anyway. Guess it was to be expected. It was Ryuichi who Shuichi had been most alike and wanted to emulate.

Or it could just be idiocy calling to idiocy.

"Could I meet him do you think? Could I? Could I?" Shuichi sounded like an exuberant puppy, his eyes wide and sparkling with excitement at the thought of meeting his idol. That look was so familiar that Hiro couldn't help but smile.

"Of course, you can. He's been asking after you for months. He wants to see you before you go home, so we can stop off in New York on our way." K said.

"For real? He's been asking about me? He wants to see me?" Shuichi was nearly bouncing off the couch.

"Absolutely." K stated. "You two really are friends, you know. He was very worried when you went missing."

"Wow! Annette, did you hear that! We'll get to meet Ryuichi Sakuma!" Shuichi was positively beaming now.

Annette just smiled at him. "It should be fun!" she replied. She didn't sound quite as excited as Shuichi, but she was obviously still interested.

Yep, Hiro thought, his enthusiasm was still contagious. He always infected everyone around him, no matter how you tried to inoculate yourself against him.

"So, that means we should organize the flight home as soon as possible, ensuring that we have time to stop in New York and fitting in with Ryuichi's schedule also." K said.

"Ah…" Shuichi seemed to suddenly deflate at those words, uncertainty flashing across his face.

K frowned at him. "You do intend to return to Japan, don't you? You're not going to disappoint Ryuichi, are you?"

"Ah… well…."

Shuichi saw K's hand slowly move inside his jacket towards his left side, and he felt a sudden flood of fear and a rush of adrenalin through his body. Without thinking, he found himself diving over the back of the couch, noting that Nakano was only a hairs-breadth behind him in his actions.

He lay there on the floor panting for a moment, as his thundering heart pounded in his chest. What the hell was he doing, he wondered in confusion. Why the hell did he just do that! He hadn't had any conscious thought about doing so, it was purely instinctual.

Cautiously, he raised himself up, placing both hands on the top of the couch so he could peer over the back. He could see K still sitting where he had been before, one hand still tucked inside his open jacket and look of complete surprise on his face. As he watched, he saw Sakano's hand drop to the other man's shoulder.

K hadn't been expecting to see not only Hiro but also Shuichi, disappear over the back of the couch when he reached into his jacket. The sudden action had taken him completely by surprise. He felt a heavy hand land hard on his shoulder and slowly squeeze vice-like. Glancing back, he looked up into Sakano's stony face, his glasses catching the glare of the light in the room so he couldn't see the man's eyes at all, giving him a slightly demonic appearance. Scary, K thought with a mental shiver, and he slowly removed his hand from inside his jacket to reveal that it held only a tissue, holding it up to Sakano as evidence of his innocence. With deliberate motions he blew his nose loudly and Sakano released his grip, making K relax with a sigh of relief.

Shuichi started a little at the loud sound of K blowing his nose. He turned his head to see that Nakano was crouched next to him, mirroring his actions in every way. Hiro looked his way to meet Shuichi's wide eyes and smiled broadly, eyes sparkling with mirth.

"Glad to see that you haven't lost your knack for self-preservation!" he said with a chuckle, standing.

Shuichi followed his example, still feeling nervous. "What….why the hell did I…?" His words trailed off as he just found the entire situation too ludicrous to even warrant the question.

"Why did you dive for cover without a seconds thought?" the other young man, Fujisaki, filled in for him. "Because that idiot called a manager has a nasty habit of trying to get a better performance out of you, and most other people, by aerating them with a firearm. The size of the weapon used depends on the mood he happens to be in at the time. It was his way of 'inspiring' you."

Fujisaki frowned at K, who had the grace to look a little sheepish, then the youth turned the frown on Shuichi. "As you were the one most often requiring that 'inspiration', you began to develop a very keen sense of avoiding the full brunt of his 'message'. I guess some things don't get forgotten no matter what."

Annette had sat silently watching Shuichi interacting with his fellow band members and business associates. She was completely lost with many of the things they were discussing, although she did notice that Shuichi seemed to follow the jargon easily enough, probably without being fully aware that he was. It just showed that he obviously was familiar with the language of the industry.

She felt very uncomfortable around these new additions to Shu's life. It wasn't that she didn't like them, or there seemed anything wrong with them, they just seemed so….odd. Or perhaps, different was closer to the mark. They were different from the people that she normally associated with, different from the people that she and Shu had surrounded themselves with.

So this was what Shu's life had been like before, she mused, listening to the conversations swirl around her. When he and Nakano had disappeared over the back of the couch, she had nearly leapt in fright also. She still couldn't quite follow what the younger man - what was his name, oh yes, Fujisaki – meant by reference to guns and inspiration. It all seemed a little bizarre to her. Perhaps it was another one of these industry references that she couldn't grasp.

What would it be like to live in Japan? she wondered. How big was Shu's apartment there? Would she still be able to continue her studies? She had heard that the universities in Japan were very competitive and places were restricted. Would her marks be good enough to gain her a place in one? She had worked so hard to get where she was and she didn't want to give it up now.

She wondered how it would be once Shu began working again. He would no doubt have concerts to do, which would mean a lot of late nights. With her studies, she probably wouldn't be able to go to all of them, but that wouldn't be that much different to now with his work as a DJ.

But what if he had to go on tour? Everyone kept saying how good the band was so she assumed that they did go on tour sometimes. She probably wouldn't be able to go with him then. What would it be like to be left on her own whilst he was away? Would she get jealous of all the fans fawning over him? Probably, she admitted honestly. She couldn't say that she was going to like seeing it, but it was going to be part of the territory.

She watched as Shuichi continued to chatter to everyone, a cold feeling creeping over her. Sometimes it felt like he was slipping away from her, slowly drifting into another world that she could not enter. He seemed so animated around these people, so alive and full of energy.

It had been his music that had first begun to have that affect on him. From the first time he had heard it he was always singing or humming, drumming his fingers on the table. She had even seen him scribbling down notes on some paper and when she had glanced at them she was certain that they were lyrics to a song. Had he been writing the words to a new song for the band?

She had also noticed that his style of dressing had begun to change in the past few days. Not so much in his every day wardrobe, which had remained for the most part as either long baggy shorts or cargo pants, with t-shirts or tank-tops, No, the change was definitely in what he would wear for working at the club at nights. His trousers were tighter, his shirts were shorter, he seemed so much in himself, seeming to take pride in how good-looking he was and in his own sexuality.

She had been a little surprised at this change, although she could also admit that she found it a complete turn-on! He looked damn good when he dressed like that – hot, sexy and completely awesome! She snorted to herself in derision. Here she was acting like some stupid fan-girl drooling over her idol! He was her boyfriend, for goodness sakes!

She focused back on the conversation Shuichi was having with Nakano.

"Oh, yeah, pocky is the best! I had a friend in New York that showed me a shop I could get it from. I just love it!" Shuichi's face was alight with happiness.

Hiro nodded in enthusiastic agreement. "I know, I know! It's the best!"

"Man, Nakano, I thought I had died and gone to heaven the first time I tried it!" Hiro had fully introduced himself to Shuichi in the hope that it might jolt some memory, but still his friend seemed to only want to address him formally.

"It's almost orgasmic!" Hiro replied, leaning back on the couch with a deep sigh of remembered contentment.

"Hey, Hiro!" Shuichi suddenly swung around, a wide smile on his face. "Do you remember when we each used to start at an end of a pocky stick to see who would turn away first!"

Hiro felt his heart leap. Shuichi hadn't called him Nakano, but instead called him by his name in the same familiar manner he normally would have!

Shuichi seemed to suddenly realize what he had said and paused in shock. That just sounded kinky! What the hell was he saying!

Hiro saw Shuichi just looking at him, a little confused frown creasing his forehead, thoughts visibly swirling around in his head..

"Uhm….sorry. That was probably…rude of me to call you like that. I don't know what….I was thinking of."

"Don't worry about it." Hiro said fondly, ruffling the spiky hair on top of Shuichi's head. "You always did before. It doesn't matter if you can't remember everything right now."

"So I used to call you Hiro, did I?"

"Yep. You sure did."

"And that thing with the pocky? We really used to do that?"

Hiro chuckled. "Oh, yes! It was a sort of dare to see who would turn away first and lose the bet before our lips touched. It was just a way to tease. The girls used to love watching!"

Shuichi's eyes widened at that and he blinked rapidly.

"And you have a motorcycle?" he suddenly said, face screwing up in concentration.

"Sure do." Hiro assured him calmly, not trying to pressure him in anyway.

"And we'd go riding together?"

"Absolutely!"

Suddenly, the confusion disappeared, to be replaced by a bright smile, one tinged with delight as well as relief. "So we really were friends!"

"None better!" Hiro raised his hand and Shuichi responded by giving a hi-five with a broad smile across his face.

"That's great! I remember!" Shuichi threw an arm around Hiro's shoulders, giving him a quick hug. "Hiro!"

Hiro nearly wept with joy.

Annette leant against the wall. She had got up from the couch moments before and wandered over to the side of the room. They had been sitting here for a couple of hours now and she wanted to stretch her legs. Shuichi was still deep in conversation with everyone.

"Well, I can see that he hasn't changed at all in some ways." A voice said at her elbow.

"How do you mean?" Annette asked, turning to look at the quiet young man next to her.

Suguru Fujisaki had been introduced as one of the other band members, but he didn't seem like some sort of pop star. Hiroshi Nakano sort of fit the picture she had in mind of what to expect; tall, slim, tight jeans, long flowing hair and good looks to die for. Yes, he fit her image of a pop star, and she could certainly see legions of fans screaming at him. What did surprise her was his gentle nature, intelligence and obvious affection for Shu. And the young man next to her seemed far too serious to be in any type of band, let alone a very popular rock one.

He turned to her, leaning against the wall. "Shindou always had far too much energy when he was on a high. It was always more than he knew what to do with most times. The only place he could ever really pour all that energy out, was during his concerts. Then it was just the perfect amount and he really knew how to use it to its best advantage. Anywhere else was just plain exhausting for everyone around him."

"So how do you think he's changed?"

He glanced at her sidelong, "What makes you say I think he has changed?"

"Because you said that one thing that hasn't changed is his energy. So that means that you must have noticed other changes if you're comparing."

"Hmm." he said, turning his head to look back at Shuichi and the others. "I guess in some ways he seems more stable than before, not quite as bipolar, either on a high or completely depressed. That might have been more due to his being with…never mind." He turned to face her, smiling. "Yes, there are some changes, but that's to be expected. He's been through a lot after all. However, I don't necessarily think the changes are a bad thing. Either way, he's still himself. I'm glad he's okay."

Annette smiled back at him. "So am I."

"I think you must have been good for him." he said.

She blushed at the compliment. "Oh, I don't think it's had anything to do with me."

"I do." Suguru said firmly. "I think you've given him something steady in his life. I think that has probably helped him grow."

"But he was doing well enough on his own before meeting me." she insisted.

"Maybe, but Shindou seems to work best when there are people he cares about around him; people he wants to be his best for. Hiro's one of those people. So was…. Anyway, then there's you. You would have been the only one here for him, so it would have been because of you that he's so happy. Though I'm dreading the scene when he meets Sakuma."

"Why?" Annette asked curiously.

Suguru looked at her with a pained smile. "Sakuma is not the ….easiest person to be around."

"Why? Is he one of those terribly obnoxious celebrities?"

"Quite on the contrary." Suguru assured her. "Let's just say that he takes a little getting used to. He and Shindou always seemed to be able to connect though, so I imagine that it will all go well. At least from their perspectives. The rest of us will probably be tearing our hair out!"

Annette laughed. "I really don't understand what you mean, but you sound so worried."

Suguru grimaced, "No, actually it's nothing to be worried about. It's just downright tiring."

"So how did you join the band?" she asked curiously

"Oh, I was asked by my cousin to help out."

"Really? Did your cousin know Shu?"

Suguru seemed surprised by her question, then his expression cleared. "Oh, of course, sorry, you wouldn't know the story. I keep forgetting that. My cousin is Tohma Seguchi, he's the president of N-G Productions. That's the label that produces Bad Luck."

"Oh!" Annette felt a little overwhelmed. This young man's cousin was apparently a very rich and influential person back in Japan.

"And before you ask," Suguru continued, a touch of steel in his voice. "I didn't get the position due to nepotism. I got it on my own merits. I'm a damn good keyboardist."

"I….hadn't thought anything of the sort." Annette said, a little taken aback. It was obviously a sore point for him, judging from his reaction.

He gazed at her for a moment before relaxing again. "Sorry. I'm just so used to people thinking that. I get tired of it."

"That's okay."

"Look, they're going to be jabbering for ages yet. Why don't we go get a coffee and a bit of fresh air?"

Annette glanced over at Shuichi. Suguru was correct - Shu was talking a mile a minute to Hiro, with the other two, Mr. K and Mr. Sakano, interjecting at various times. Yes, it looked like they were pretty settled and would be there for some time to come. Most of what they were talking about still made little sense to her. Shuichi appeared to be remembering some further things relating to his past relationship with Hiroshi so they were completely engrossed in the discussion.

She wondered if Yuki would return later this evening or not. He had taken off right at the start and hadn't said that he would come back here, although he had indicated to Shuichi that he would see him again. Well, he had just been here to organize this moment, probably there was no reason for him to have remained any longer.

She thought for a moment longer. The room was a little stuffy, and she had been cramped up here for hours already. She couldn't really join in the conversation, so she made up her mind and turned to Suguru with a smile.

"I'd really like that."

"Good, come on then!" He led her to the door, opening it for her with a small bow like a real gentleman. She glanced back over her shoulder, feeling a little pang of guilt about leaving but Shuichi didn't appear to notice her impending departure so engrossed in his conversation as he was.

Okay then. She'd come back later. She smiled again at Suguru as they walked out, the door closing behind them.


	31. Chapter 31

Title: The Key to My Heart: Chapter 32

Author: JadeHeart

Located/Archived: Found on & If anyone else would like it, please ask me first

Fandom: Gravitation

Rating: M

Warnings: angst, bad language

**Disclaimer: **I do not own the characters in this, except that of Annette and Agent Jim Harris who are my original characters. All other main characters belong to the creators of 'Gravitation', and I am not making any profits from this story.

Chapter 32

"Shu!" Annette called out, stirring the pot before her. "Shu!" She looked over her shoulder and raised her voice louder.

"Yeah?" A voice wafted down the hall to her from the bathroom, soon followed by a head, water still dripping from the hair, appearing around the door frame. "Yeah?"

"Are you nearly done?"

"Give me time a change." Shuichi said, stepping into the hall with a towel wrapped around his slim waist.

"Well, I would like to have my shower before they arrive, you know!" she said tartly, hands on hips. "You've taken forever in there tonight. What were you doing? No," she held up her hand. "I don't think I want you to answer that!"

Shuichi smirked at her, although he was glad that his face was still red from the shower so she wouldn't notice the flush. A flash of guilt washed over him as he thought about exactly what he had been doing.

"Go on," Annette made a shooing motion towards him. "Hurry up and get dressed so I can get ready."

He escaped to the bedroom, reaching into the wardrobe to collect the clothing he had already decided on to wear tonight. He dressed with care, having spent a fair portion of the day thinking about just that, though why it was so important to him he didn't know. He couldn't help the excitement and nervous tension he was feeling at this impending dinner party. Both Hiro and Yuki were coming tonight and he was looking forward to seeing them again, even though he had only just seen Hiro that morning, but it had seemed like forever since he had spent time with Yuki.

It had been Annette's suggestion to invite both men tonight, saying that he might like to just spend time with a couple of his friends in a more relaxed atmosphere. She had prompted him to make the offer that day, saying that it would be nice to have them over and to let them see where he was living. They would be the first people, apart from his family to visit him at his home.

Another wave of guilt washed over him. Annette had been more correct than she had realized; he had got a little …carried away in the shower. He felt his face heat up again. What was wrong with him? It had just started with him thinking about how nice it would be to be able to spend some time with Yuki again - away from the maddening crowd so to speak. Since his work colleagues and family had arrived he hadn't had any time to himself really. Not that he minded, it had been a wonderful five days; busy, hectic, exciting, scary, startling in its revelations, all of that.

However, Yuki had faded into the background with everything else that was going on and Shuichi had found he missed the other man's company. Not that Yuki was naturally the most gregarious person, in fact he was taciturn, quite sharp-tongued and usually spent most of the time frowning at him or calling him an idiot, but for some reason Shuichi found that…normal. He really enjoyed just being able to talk to Yuki, just spending time together seemed…comfortable. Perhaps it was because Yuki had been the first person from his past he met and that made him so important to Shuichi.

Whatever the reason, he was very glad Yuki was coming tonight. So whilst in the shower thinking about all this, feeling that excitement and looking forward to the night as he sponged himself down, hands running over his soapy body, he had found himself suddenly…erect. He had tried to ignore it, thinking it would go away, tried to think only on the dinner to come and the arrival of the guests, but that didn't seem to help in the least.

So with a sigh he had….taken matters in hand. It had been a long, blissfully drawn out event, his whole body quivering with the pleasure both during and after. Okay, so he hadn't had any relief for a while. With everything that had been happening, between his work and the new arrivals, his time had become completely monopolized and he had been just too tired to do anything but sleep. He had been sleeping on the couch now for the past couple of weeks due to his late nights or general restlessness. Perhaps that was all it was. All that tension built up needing a release. Not because he had been thinking about…

He clamped down on that thought and pulled his shirt over his head almost violently. Enough! He gave his damp hair another vigorous rub down before carefully combing it in place. He wondered if he should return to his old hairstyle - the one he had in most of the photos he had seen. He walked out to the kitchen, sniffing appreciatively at the mouth-watering aroma in the air. Perhaps he would, but he wasn't going pink! What on earth had inspired him to do that? Maybe he had been drunk at the time. He must remember to ask Hiro sometime.

He could hear the sound of running water as Annette took her shower, as he lifted the lid from the pot on the stove and gave it a stir. Luckily it hadn't stuck to the bottom during to his wool-gathering in the bedroom. Annette would have been rightly pissed at him if he had let the meal be ruined, after she had spent all afternoon preparing it! Shuichi had helped as well but although he wasn't likely to poison anyone with his cooking, he was no maestro of the culinary practices either.

He carefully checked everything was behaving as it should do and glanced around the room. All appeared in order; clean and tidy, nothing embarrassing left out in the lounge room for guests to find. Not that Annette and he went in for that sort of thing!

He couldn't help the smile that curled his lips as he looked over the care that Annette had taken in setting the apartment. Their small dining table had a crisp blue tablecloth with matching napkins and rings, a low circular flower arrangement sat in the centre, not restricting anyone's vision, so they could talk across it. Low candles were already lit, throwing dancing shadows across the walls and giving off a gentle scent of vanilla that now masked the more astringent disinfectant smell that had been present earlier after Annette had ruthlessly attacked their apartment from top to bottom that afternoon. Gleaming white china sat at each place, wine glasses stood on coasters with smaller tumblers at the side to hold water from the carafe residing on the table, beads of moisture slowly sliding down its exterior. He nodded in satisfaction as he gazed upon the sight. It all looked just perfect.

"So what do you think?" The quiet voice startled him and he spun around to find Annette standing behind wearing his favourite blue dress. Favourite dress of hers, not his! He just liked her in it!

He smiled at her. "It looks perfect." he echoed his earlier thought. "As do you."

She smiled at him and then frowned at the table. "I haven't forgotten anything, have I?"

He chuckled. "I'm sure you haven't. Relax. It'll be fine."

She looked over at him. "Isn't that usually what I'm telling you?" she said with a raised eye-brow.

His smile broadened, reaching out to draw her into a quick hug. The scent of lavender filled his nostrils from the shampoo she used. "Well, now it's my turn to reassure you." he replied, holding her at arms length. "You'll see." Just then there was a knock at the door. "I'll get it." and he made his way towards it as Annette moved into the kitchen. There was a clatter of dishes as she began pulling out serving platters.

Shuichi opened the door to see Hiro and Yuki both standing there. He was a little surprised at first, he hadn't expected them to turn up together, but then again it would make sense. They were both staying at the same hotel after all.

He smiled and waved them inside. "Come in, come in!" He made a low flourishing bow. "Welcome to our humble abode!"

Hiro smiled back as he toed off his shoes. "You are such a clown." Shuichi grinned back.

"Here," Yuki said holding out a bottle.

Shuichi took the proffered gift. It wasn't a wine that he knew, but then he wasn't really a big wine drinker and certainly never bothered with names generally. "Thanks," he said, leading them to the lounge then detoured to the kitchen. Annette was placing the last of the food platters on the table as Shuichi finally located the corkscrew and set about struggling to open the bottle.

"Here, give it to me." Yuki said with exasperation, reaching out to grab the bottle in Shuichi's grasp. His hand wrapped over Shuichi's, sending a shiver through the youth at the contact. "You've probably never used one of these in your life."

Shuichi released his grasp, ceding the bottle to Yuki's firm grip and acknowledged the truth of this statement. "Most of the wine I've drunk has either already been opened, or has a screw top." he admitted.

Yuki just growled at him in disgust for his Bohemian tastes as he expertly withdrew the cork with a gentle pop as it escaped from the suction.

"Well, we may as well sit down." Annette prompted, "No point in letting the food get cold." They all sat, Yuki last as he remained standing to finish pouring the wine for them all.

"Bon appetite!" Shuichi said, raising his glass for the toast. The others followed and the chink of glass against glass filled the air.

General conversation flowed over the table, mostly about Shuichi and Hiro's childhood, some about the band, other side comments thrown in, and some not too flattering, about their fellow work colleagues. Everyone joined in at various times, even Yuki, although it was more to argue a point than anything else. Annette was just grateful that it seemed everyone was enjoying themselves to some degree at least. She let out a soft sigh of relief. She had had dreadful nightmares of this dinner party ending in complete disaster but that didn't seem to be the case, thank goodness!.

Once the meal was completed Annette shooed them over to the couch so she could clear the table. The men gathered their glasses and settled themselves; Hiro and Yuki each taking up one corner of the couch, whilst Shuichi took up residence on the floor, leaning on the coffee table.

"Here," Annette said, dropping three bottles of beer on the table with a smile. "The wine's almost finished and I thought that you would rather have a beer."

Hiro smiled up at her with pleasure. "Thank you!" he said heartfeltly. "As much as I like wine, I have to admit that I'm a beer drinker through and through!" He reached out and captured one, noticing Yuki was no less slower in dong the same, with Shuichi following a close third.

"And we all know that Yuki likes his beer as well, judging from the amount that he would always drink!" Shuichi declared, opening his own.

He wasn't looking at Yuki as he said this, although Hiro saw the man start out of the corner of his eye. As far as he knew, Yuki's drinking tastes hadn't been mentioned that much during his time here. In his conversations with Hiro, Shuichi had only previously mentioned that at his other meetings with Yuki that the man had drunk spirits, not beer. Could Shuichi be remembering some of his time with Yuki?

"This place is nice." Hiro said, opening the conversation again.

"Yeah, we really like it. Annette found it first though."

"You made a nice choice."

"Annette's got a good eye for taste." Shuichi said with a smile towards his girlfriend.

"Well, she picked you up, didn't she?" Hiro said with a chuckle, taking a drink.

Shuichi laughed, as did Annette. "Sure did! What can I say; she knows talent when she sees it!"

"More like I'm a sucker for a pretty face," Annette put in dryly, sitting next to Shuichi. "You just wowed me with your looks and the way you dressed."

"Oh, speaking of which," Shuichi said, turning to look at Hiro. "Thanks so much for bringing those clothes for me. I remembered that orange sweatshirt as soon as I saw it; my mum gave it to me years ago for my birthday. I remember that Maiko always used to say that I looked like a warning light coming down the street it was so bright! It always was my favourite, though I hadn't realized that it looked so old and worn now."

"You can always replace it, you know," Hiro said, "It's not like you can't afford it!"

Shuichi waved that comment aside. "I know. But it's my favourite! You can't just throw something like that away! If you love something that much you can't just replace it with something else. It's just not the same!"

Hiro cast a quick glance in Yuki's direction, noticing his hands tighten around the bottle in his grasp at this last passionate response from Shuichi. Was he thinking about how those words could apply to their relationship? Was he wishing that Shuichi could feel the same way about him as he did about his sweatshirt?

Hiro wondered if this would be enough to prompt the man into saying something, but Yuki continued to sit there silently, a blank expression on his face. He obviously wasn't going to say anything to Shuichi to let him know that it was he who had brought his clothes all the way here.

"You know," Shuichi continued, "This may sound weird, but its felt good to put those clothes on. They just feel…..familiar, you know."

"That's good." Hiro said, smiling. "You've got plenty more at home so if you need anything else you can always send for them."

"Hhmm, yeah, I suppose so." Shuichi preambled a little, not making any commitment to returning to Japan or not. Hiro had noticed that whenever the subject came up that he would do his best to avoid the topic, whether it was raised by his family, or by K and Sakano. He didn't blame Shuichi for trying to side-step the issue, so he did his best to not add to the pressure that his friend was obviously already under.

"Speaking of which," Yuki suddenly interrupted and three surprised faces turned in his direction. "I'll be heading home tomorrow." He raised his bottle to his lips and drank, lapsing back into silence. No one else spoke for a moment after his announcement, the feeling of surprise palpable in the air.

Hiro noticed the look of complete shock on Shuichi's face, and a fleeting flash of loss and fear that followed. Did he realise that his face had showed those emotions, Hiro wondered? Did he realise that he had even felt them?

"Do…do you have to?" Shuichi managed to get out. "So soon?"

Yuki took another drink and looked calmly back at the youth. "I've been away for quite a while, it's time I got back. Some of us still need to work for a living."

"Oh, yes, I…guess so." Shuichi looked down for a moment, hand playing with his half empty bottle. "But do you really have to go now? Can you not…wait a little longer?"

Yuki half shrugged. "There's no need for me to stay here now."

"Yeah." Shuichi's response was so soft it was barely heard but even so, to Hiro's practiced ear, he caught the slight crack in that one word that signified just how upset Shuichi was. That sound meant that his friend was close to tears and really trying to hold it back.

"Well," Shuichi looked up suddenly, a wide smile on his face although Hiro could see that it didn't reach his over-bright eyes. "I guess we'll just have to say that this is our farewell drink then. Think of it as your going away party!" And he raised his bottle to reach out and tap it against Yuki's.

Yuki looked down at the smiling face, feeling his heart clench at the sight and slowly touched his bottle to the upraised one. One day - that was all he had left to savour that look. One day.

Annette spoke up then. "I'm really glad that you came tonight, Yuki, since you'll be leaving so soon. You've done so much for Shu and we're very grateful. Thank you."

Yuki nodded curtly in response and drank the last of his beer. He placed it on the table and stood. "I'll be going now." he said.

Again Shuichi looked surprised and a little panicked, "Do you have to?" he said, clambering quickly to his feet, one hand outstretched as though to grab hold of Yuki's arm and prevent his departure.

"I'm rather tired. I've still got to pack." Yuki had wanted to just escape quickly. Remaining this close to Shuichi and not being able to reach out and hold him was slowly killing him, but he couldn't ignore that pleading look. "Hey, I'll see you tomorrow before I leave, okay? I'm not flying out till evening so give me a call."

"Oh, okay." Shuichi agreed.

"Thank you for the meal." Yuki said with extreme politeness to Annette. It had been, after all, a very good meal. No matter whom the cook had been!

"I'll see you out, Yuki." Hiro said stepping forward. He turned and threw a smile over his shoulder towards Shuichi. "I'll only be a few moment and then I'll be back. You had better have another cold beer ready when I do."

Shuichi's face lit up again, this time with a more genuine smile. "It'll be waiting." He looked at Yuki and the smile faltered again. "I…thanks for coming. And ….for everything. I'll see you tomorrow."

Yuki nodded and collected his shoes before stepping out the door with Hiro trailing behind. Once fully outside the building, he pulled out a cigarette and placed it between his lips whilst he searched his pockets for his lighter. There was a click and then the flare of a flame before his face. He leant forward and placed the tip of the cigarette in the flame, watching the end flare as he inhaled. Hiro moved the still alight lighter to the tip of his own cigarette before snuffing it out. There was silence between them for a moment as they continued to smoke.

"I'm sorry things haven't worked out." Hiro finally said. Yuki didn't respond so he continued. "I still think you're wrong not to tell him, but," He took another drag on his cigarette. "I do understand why you haven't. It's hard to figure out what to tell him and what not to. What do you tell him and what do you leave for him to remember on his own?" Hiro shrugged. "I'm no psych, so I don't know who's right and who's wrong in this decision. I just want what is best for Shuichi."

Yuki still remained silent. Hiro watched him, seeing the subtle signs of tension in the man's body. "I know you care about him, that you love him, and I know that he loved you. At least, he did before all this. He loved you so much it was sometimes frightening to see." Hiro remember all too well the many times he had seem Shuichi either flying high with delight at something Yuki had said or done, or wallowing in the pits of despair. That manic roller-coaster of extremes was positively terrifying for him at times.

"Perhaps," he continued, "He would be better off if you told him the truth. Perhaps that would be good for him to know that, to hear it. Then again - perhaps not."

"Thought you'd be happy about this?" Yuki finally spoke, jerking his head back towards Shuichi's apartment. "You never thought I was good for him, so you're no doubt ecstatic that he's now got such a 'normal' life. And lover."

Hiro exhaled, watching the smoke drift away into the night. "You're right," he said frankly. "I never could understand why he was with you, why he even fell in love with you. But I never stood in his way of it either. What ever makes him happy, I'll support. So no matter how screwed up I thought his relationship was with you, as long as he was still happy that was okay by me. Now, over the years, in some ways you have been good for him. You've made him look outside himself." Hiro smiled. "He can be really selfish sometimes you know."

Yuki snorted, "Only too well!"

"Yeah, but so can you." Hiro added, ignoring Yuki's glare. "So you've probably been good for each other, forcing each of you to consider someone other than yourself."

"Huh!" was Yuki's only reply. Another moment of silence stretched between them.

"You don't want to upset his life, do you?" Hiro questioned. Yuki didn't reply. "That's quite evident really. At least to me. You've been able to see how his life is here; what he does, where he works, how he interacts with the people here, especially Annette. I'm really glad that he found someone like her, someone who wants to be with him for who he is, and someone who does want the best for him. You may have been good for him before, but things have changed. You know that, don't you?"

Still Yuki said nothing, taking a final drag on his cigarette before dropping it to the ground to grind it underfoot.

"I'm sorry, but I think Annette is good for him too. At the moment anyway. So I think you've done the right thing."

Yuki raised another cigarette to his lips and lit it, turning his cold eyes to look directly into Hiro's.

"Fuck what you think." he said, then turned and walked away into the darkness, leaving Hiro looking after him.

Shuichi was breathless and paused outside the door a moment to catch his breath before knocking. He had run up the stairs instead of using the elevator. He heard the rattle of a chain and then the door opened to reveal Yuki, barefoot and shirt hanging undone with moisture still clinging to his hair. He had obviously not long been out of a shower.

"Have I come at a bad time?" Shuichi asked a little hesitantly, shifting his weight nervously from foot to foot.

Yuki waved him inside, "'Course not. I told you to come over now, didn't I?"

Shuichi entered, and turned to watch Yuki close the door as he answered, "Yeah, but I know you must be busy getting ready."

"No, I'm almost done."

Shuichi perched on the corner of the bed, watching Yuki throw a few more clothes into the bag that rested there. He spied a droplet of water slip from a strand of hair above Yuki's eye to fall to the broad expanse of exposed flesh of the man's chest, his eye following its wet trail downwards, lower and lower…

He dragged his eyes away from the sight as he felt his face flush and a familiar tightening deep in his belly. Stop doing that, he shouted to himself, mentally picturing thumping himself over the head with a blunt instrument. What the hell was he doing perving on another man! And Yuki of all people! Gods, what the hell was wrong with him!

"So," He jumped as Yuki spoke. "How are you feeling about things now?"

"Oh," he mumbled, hand reaching out to play with a fold in the bedspread, trying to get his breathing back under control. "Okay, I guess. I am remembering more almost every day. Just little things really, you couldn't exactly call any of them earth shattering."

Yuki disappeared into the bathroom and returned a moment later with his wash-bag. "Most events in a person's life aren't what would be called 'earth shattering.'" he said as he thrust it into his bag and glanced around the room. "That's just how life is." He looked back at the youth sitting on his bed. "You've got to admit though, that you have got a more exciting life than most people."

"Well, I suppose, being in the band and all." Shuichi frowned. "I get flashes of things, you know. Little glimpses but sometimes they're so quick that I just can't get hold of them to really see what they're about."

"Are they important?"

"I…think so. They feel like they are. There's so many of them I just wish they'd slow down a little!"

"I wouldn't worry about it. They'll come to you in time."

"Maybe." Shuichi slapped his hand on the bed. "But I want them back now!"

Yuki looked at him. "You always were too impatient. No matter what you do, you're not going to get your way on this one."

Shuichi slumped a little. "But I want to remember!" he whined.

"Don't be stupid. You sound like a brat."

Shuichi couldn't help the smile that suddenly split his face, and said without thinking, "Do I?"

"Yeah," Yuki responded, zipping up his bag, "You do. You always do when you're being a pain."

Shuichi watched as Yuki buttoned his shirt and tucked it in, feeling his face flush again as the other casually undid his trousers to smooth the shirt-tail down properly before redoing his pants.

Yuki reached over and picked up his bag and jacket and motioned towards the door. "Time to go. Walk down with me."

Shuichi hopped off the bed and opened the door, waiting a moment as Yuki put his shoes on and exited. They were silent in the elevator all the way down and as they walked across the foyer.

Yuki could see the taxi waiting outside and the doorman hurried over to take his bag. He felt his stomach knotting. It was time, time to leave. Time to leave Shuichi. He turned to the young man standing at his side. Shuichi looked up at him, his eyes bright, lips parted as though to say something but nothing came out. He grimaced; there was no point in dragging this out. It was tearing him apart inside and he needed to get away quickly before he broke down howling like a baby at Shuichi's feet.

"Well," he said gruffly. "Take care of yourself."

"Yeah, you too." was Shuichi's quiet response. "Will….will I see you again?"

Yuki tore his gaze away from those large amethyst eyes. "Not unless you're in Japan some time."

"Oh,"

Yuki fumbled in his pocket for a cigarette, his nerves getting the better of him. "By the way, you don't have to worry about keeping up the pretence of living together. It will all be sorted out and if you do go back home you've got your own place, so there's no need for this nonsense to continue. It'll all die down soon enough anyway as soon as there's some other juicy bit of scandal."

"Oh, okay. But….I can visit you maybe? If I'm over there?"

Yuki shrugged and began to move towards the exit. "If you want. You've got my number." He looked over his shoulder, wanting nothing more than to get away, but the sight of Shuichi standing there, shoulders slumped, unshed tears quivering on those long dark lashes, undid him completely. He felt his own throat close, his teeth gritted together to hold in sobs.

He couldn't help himself. He turned and closed the few steps between them and engulfed Shuichi in a tight embrace, crushing the smaller body against his, trying to imprint this last touch into his soul to remember in the lonely days to come. He buried his face in the soft hair, feeling Shuichi's breath against his neck.

"Be happy," he said brokenly, and almost thrust the youth away as he fled to the taxi refusing to look back, so he didn't see the tears sliding down Shuichi's face.

Yuki got off the flight still feeling ill. He cursed himself for his hangover. He had been determined from the moment he had set foot on the plane that he was going to drink himself into oblivion. It hadn't work, he was still quite conscious and aware of his surroundings, and it certainly had done nothing to ease the pain in his chest. He groaned as his stomach rolled over and his head pounded. He hated hangovers! Especially when he had not succeed in his goal of unconsciousness. He rubbed his aching eyes as his head continued to pound. It was one of the worst hangovers he had had for some time – so why hadn't he been able to forget!

His stomach lurched again, with a stab of pain harsh enough to make him wrap one arm around his middle. Oh, crap, he thought suddenly, his mind finally putting two and two together. Oh, crap! He knew that feeling; the burning sensation clawing at his innards, the tearing feeling as though his organs were being shredded with shaved glass. He could feel the metallic taste begin to rise up his throat, feeling like it was attempting to suffocate him. Pain tore through him again as he continued to stagger on his way. Anyone seeing him would think he was drunk as he almost fell against a wall, trying to catch his breath through another wave of pain, before trying to continue on, eyes searching for a way out of the terminal. He softy moaned to himself as his eyes closed once more and he tried to ride out the pain washing over him.

"Hey, buddy, you okay?" A voice near his elbow brought him back to his surroundings. Lifting his head, he saw a taxi driver standing near him, a look of concern on his face as he took in Yuki's half-doubled over form.

Yuki grimaced, still clutching his stomach, willing it to settle. It refused to obey his command, defying him with another sharp stab of pain. Yuki gritted his teeth and reached for the cab door, supporting his weight on it.

"Get me to the nearest decent hospital." he growled, sliding into the vehicle gingerly. Another lurch and he brought a hand up to cover his mouth, fearing he was about to be sick.

The taxi driver's eyes had opened wide and Yuki wondered if he was going to refuse. Probably visions of his passenger expiring in the backseat were filling his thoughts. Instead of a refusal though the driver nodded, tossed Yuki's bag in the back, and jumped in himself. "It'll take about 45 minutes. Can you hold on that long?"

Yuki clamped down on another lurch. "Yeah," he managed to squeeze out between his gritted teeth, although he was seriously wondering if he could. The waves of pain were coming faster now, crashing over him one after the other. He dug his fingernails into the palm of his hand, hoping this alternate pain would distract his mind from the bigger problem.

By the time they reached the hospital Yuki had used the third handkerchief to catch the blood he was coughing up. The driver only took the time to remove his bag, dropping it on the pavement at Yuki's fee, and accepted the fare before speeding away, not waiting to see if he could even make it through the hospital doors.

Yuki ignored that behaviour and struggled inside, trying to push towards the reception desk. There were a number of people crowded before it, voices raised loudly as everyone seemed to be trying to talk at once, and the expression on the face of the lone nurse did not bode well for anyone. Damn! It was going to take forever! Another spasm brought a fresh flood of blood from his mouth. He captured it in the now almost sodden material, swallowing back against it.

Oh, hell. This was bad, he thought. His vision was beginning to cloud and a tendril of fear clawed at him. He was alone here. There was no-one he knew. If he passed out, he would only be surrounded by strangers who wouldn't understand what this was, or why it was happening. What would they do to him whilst he was unconscious?

The fear continued to build within him, in tandem with the rising pain. With frantic fingers he fumbled his cell phone out and pressed the speed dial. The phone rang and rang and he was feeling more fearful as each passing moment seemed to drain the energy from his weakening body. He had slumped into a chair nearby as his legs began to feel like jelly, his bag at his feet. Finally he heard the familiar voice answer, "Hello?"

"Tohma," he managed to rasp out past his burning throat.

"Eiri. What's wrong?"

Yuki tried to clear his throat. "I'm at a hospital in New York."

"Where?" Tohma demanded. Yuki managed to focus on the name of the hospital on the plaque in the foyer and read it back to Tohma. "Don't worry. Just hold on! I'll sort things out." He heard Tohma say dimly.

Yuki felt a wash of relief through his mind, although if he had been thinking straight he would have wondered what the hell Tohma could do half-way around the world, but at this point he didn't really care as his vision darkened further, and his grip on the phone loosened as his muscles refused to work any longer.

"Eiri? Eiri!"

He couldn't answer Tohma's frantic cries as the phone slipped from his hand to clatter to the floor and he toppled forward to join it, blood flowing freely from his mouth.

He opened his eyes slowly. There was light in the room; natural light, not artificial, and not too bright. He didn't move any other part of this body just his eyes as he looked around. He focused on the ceiling, trying to think back. That's right – hospital, he had collapsed at the hospital.

Slowly he lowered his eyes to look down the length of his body in the bed and couldn't prevent the startled, "Awk!" that escaped him, or the corresponding jerk as his eyes settle on the pink creature perched on his chest, bright black eyes staring back at him.

"Hey-ya, Yuki!" a cheery disembodied voice called out.

Yuki frantically glanced around, seeing no-one else in the room. Had he finally gone mad? Had this last attack been too much for his body and he had burst a blood vessel in his brain? Had he hit his head when he had fallen and given himself brain damage?

Suddenly a dark head popped up over the edge of the bed, surprising him again. Ryuichi's smiling face watched him over the white expanse of the hospital bed sheets.

"Kumagoro wanted to keep an eye on you! He said you were going to wake up soon!"

Yuki could only continue to stare. Oh, shit, what had he done to deserve this, he thought, feeling his stomach spasm although there wasn't that much pain?

The door suddenly opened. "Scary thing to wake up to, isn't it?" Jim said as he stepped inside and handed a paper bag to Ryuichi, who squealed with delight and grasped it with one hand as the other reached out and snagged his pink rabbit off Yuki before dashing over to a corner to happily rummage inside the gift.

Jim watched in amusement, snagging a chair and dragging it closer to the bed before sitting. Yuki struggled to sit up without yanking the IV from his arm and rubbed a hand across his eyes.

"I tried to tell Ryu that leaving that thing on you might not be the best thing to do for a convalescing patient, but" Jim shrugged, "you know how he is. How are you feeling?" he asked solicitously.

"Like shit." Yuki replied in a raspy voice. His throat hurt, his eyes burnt and he felt as weak as a new-born kitten.

Jim laughed. "Funny! You sound just like normal!"

"What the hell are you doing here?" Yuki glanced over to where Ryuichi was happily eating grapes, peeling some and offering them to Kumagoro for his delectation. "And with him!"

"You can blame Tohma for that." Jim replied.

"Tohma?" Yuki was confused.

"Yeah. I received a frantic call from him while I was down in Savannah and was told I had to get up here immediately because you were in hospital." Jim tilted his head to one side. "You really should take it easy. Tohma's not as young as he used to be. I don't think these shocks are good for him."

"Tohma was very worried about Yuki." Ryuichi's quiet voice interrupted them. Yuki looked over to see the other man watching him, a serious expression on his face. "Tohma was very, very worried. The most worried we had ever seen him." He looked down, grapes seemingly forgotten, and gathered Kumagoro into his arms, hugging it tightly. "Tohma didn't know who to ask to help you. He was too far away."

"He called you?" Yuki stared almost disbelieving. Tohma called a schizoid lunatic to look after him when he collapsed? What had he been thinking!

Ryuichi looked up and the expression on his face was that of a mature, sane Ryuichi, Kumagoro fully forgotten. "He was scared. He asked me to get to you as soon as I could, to make certain you were alright. I could hear the fear in his voice. He thought he might lose you."

Yuki rubbed his face again. Surely Ryuichi was exaggerating. Well, at least Tohma had been more sensible and called Jim as well. He looked over at the man still seated next to the bed. He was looking at Ryuichi with an almost fond expression. "I'm glad he got hold of you anyway." Yuki said to him.

Jim turned to him with a grin. "Actually I was already at the airport to come here when Tohma phoned. **He** called me first!" and he jerked his head in Ryuichi's direction.

Yuki's eyes widened in surprise and he glanced back at Ryuichi who had returned his attention back to Kumagoro, making the pink creature dance across the floor as they chased an escaping grape. "**He** called you?"

"Yep. He told me you were in hospital and he expected me to be in New York on the next flight, no excuses. Not that he gave me time to make any before he hung up on me." Jim seemed to get great delight from Yuki's stupefied expression as he tried to puzzle this out. "You know, he really was worried about you. The hospital staff said he was here within half an hour of your collapse. Tohma must have called him immediately and he came straight over. He sat with you the whole time before I got here."

Yuki struggled with this thought as he watched Ryuichi suddenly disappear from view, and could hear him shuffle around under his bed, chuckling to himself as he shared a joke with his stuffed toy. He had known Ryuichi for as long as Tohma had but he had always had trouble reconciling this childlike simpleton to anything more adult in behaviour. Yet, Tohma had rung Ryuichi immediately and the man came, dropping whatever he was doing, and knowing the hectic schedule that the pop star usually held down, he would have probably left something important. Left it for Tohma – and for Yuki.

On top of that, he had the presence of mind to call Jim as well. Not just call him, but order him to come to New York. Perhaps Ryuichi was far more aware of his limitations than people realized. Perhaps he knew that he would be unlikely to be able to maintain his serious side for any lengthy period of time and so had ensured that he had got hold of someone else here who could take over by the time he switched back to his childlike persona.

Ryuichi's head suddenly popped up over the foot of the bed, large grin on his face, and a pink object sailed through the air to land against Yuki's chest with a soft thump.

"Kumagoro wants a hug!" he crowed, waving his hands. "Hug him, Yuki! Hug him!"

Yuki looked at the manically grinning man and then down at the stuffed toy in his hands. Any other time he would have thrown the thing away from him violently, repulsed by the nonsense, and refusing to pander to the idiot. Instead, this time he wrapped his arms around the creature, hugging it tightly for a brief moment and said in a gruff voice, "Thank you", before then tossing the toy at Ryuichi's head.

The man caught the airborne object with practiced ease. He clutched Kumagoro by one arm, letting the toy dangle for a moment, his face calm as he spoke clearly, looking directly at Yuki, "You're welcome. Anytime."

Then the expression changed, clouding over to childlike innocence and he capered out the door, Kumagoro spinning wildly around his head letting out an almost deafening "WEEEEEEE!" which trailed off down the corridor into the distance. They watched him go, the silence in the room seeming unnatural now that Ryuichi's larger than average presence had left.

"He's pretty amazing, isn't he?" Jim said quietly. "There's just something about him that you just can't ignore. No matter what he does or how crazy he acts." He turned back to Yuki. "I often wonder just how much of it is an act?"

Yuki shrugged, "I've never figured that out. Perhaps none of it is. Tohma's the only one who might probably know for real."

Jim chuckled softly. "Yeah, that's where the two of them are more alike than they realise. Both are consummate actors playing their audience. Maybe that's why the two of them have got along so well over all this time."

"Most likely,"

"So what are your plans now?" Jim asked.

"I'm heading home once I'm out of here." Yuki said.

Jim nodded. "Guessed as much. So," he looked hard at Yuki, "things didn't work out with Shuichi."

Yuki glared at him. "None of your business."

Jim held up a hand acknowledging the truth of that statement. "You're right, it's not. But Tohma's kept me pretty much up-to-date on things, as much as he knows anyway." He scrutinized Yuki's face. "Are you really giving up?"

Yuki turned his head away from Jim's gaze, feeling uncomfortable under that penetrating stare. "There's nothing more I can do. He's either going to go back to Japan or not. That's his decision."

"You are so damn stubborn." Jim said, "No wonder Tohma always looks like he's pulling his hair out when you're around. You must drive him insane."

Yuki snorted in response.

"Okay, it's your decision. Even if I do think that you're an idiot! So you're heading home. If it's any consolation, you should only be in here for a couple of days according to the doctor. They just want to be certain that you're fully stabalised and the meds are working properly before you jump back on a plane. I took the liberty of cancelling your flight and organizing another as a temporary booking until you get the medical clearance to fly."

"Thanks," Yuki grudgingly said for the help.

Jim waved his response aside. "No sweat. I also called Tohma once I had some feedback from the doctor on your condition. Do you want to call him now you're awake?"

"You're going to anyway, aren't you?" Yuki asked.

Jim nodded. "Can hardly do otherwise." He grinned. "He'd kill me if I didn't!"

"Then you can tell him. There's nothing else I have to say to him."

"You are so damn cool to him! Alright. I'll let him know what flight you'll be on closer to the time as well. I think you'll have to put up with him meeting you at the airport. It's the least you can do for the scare you just gave him."

Yuki grunted. Jim was probably right, and he did owe Tohma so perhaps he could manage to be gracious and accept a lift from him when he got back home. Admittedly it would be easier in one way instead of fighting for a taxi.

It would be good to get home. He just wished that it didn't feel like he had lost his heart on the way.


	32. Chapter 32

Title: The Key to My Heart: Chapter 33

Author: JadeHeart

Located/Archived: Found on gurabiteshiyon & AFF. If anyone else would like it, please ask me first

Fandom: Gravitation

Rating: M

Warnings: angst, bad language

**Disclaimer: **I do not own the characters in this, except that of Annette and Agent Jim Harris who are my original characters. All other main characters belong to the creators of 'Gravitation', and I am not making any profits from this story.

Chapter 33

Shuichi pushed his food around on his plate absently, occasionally bringing a portion to his mouth to chew before he retuned again to his aimless playing.

Annette watched this behaviour for a time and then put her cutlery down firmly and spoke, "Okay, what's the matter, Shu?"

Shuichi looked up, surprise etched on his face. "Huh?"

Annette frowned at him. "You've been out of sorts all day, ever since you woke up this morning, and you've just got worse as the day's gone on."

"I'm fine." he said, fixing a smile on his face and picking up another forkful. "See?" placing it in his mouth, "Fine." he muttered around the mouthful.

Annette just continued to look at him, making no move to return to her own meal. "Shu," she finally said, "you're not fine, you're upset. I know what you're like when you're upset about something. Do you think you can keep pretending to me?"

Shuichi raised his eyes to hers and, with a sigh, gave up the pretense of eating completely, pushing his plate aside. Annette leant across the table to place a hand over his, worry on her face. "Shu, what's wrong?" He silently shook his head. "Is it something you can't tell me?" Still silence. "Do you want to go back to Japan?" she asked quietly. "Is that it?" He shrugged, and although he could hear the worry and concern in her voice, he couldn't find any words within himself to answer her.

Why was he feeling like this? he wondered. He hadn't been able to sleep at all last night; sitting up till late, aimlessly listening to music, drinking coffee, watching TV. When he had finally tried to sleep, he did nothing but toss and turn on the couch he was lying on, unable to get comfortable. He had got up on more than one occasion to pace the room, before throwing himself back onto the couch to make another futile effort towards slumber.

When the gray of dawn had begun to lighten the window, it had found him still wide-awake, eyes stinging and gritty with tiredness, and a headache pounding in his temples. Not even a shower had revived him, either a hot or a cold one. He had tried both so he knew. The rest of the day had been spent in a funk, a complete and utter well of …..nothingness. He had seemed to wander through the hours in a cloud of depression, completely uninterested in anything that was happening around him. Even the conversations with his family and friends had done nothing to lift his spirits.

An image of Yuki's retreating back flashed through his mind once again, haunting him as it had all day. No, he wasn't feeling like this because he had left. It couldn't be. Yes, he had been sorry to see Yuki go. All right, if he was going to be completely honest, it had hurt - a lot. He hadn't wanted the man to leave, but he could hardly have asked him to continue to remain here and put his entire life on hold for him– anymore than he had already done so! No, it wasn't because Yuki was gone. He was just…what?

He gave a weak smile to Annette and stood, moving to sit by the open window, staring out at nothing in particular. What was the matter with him? Was Annette right? Did he want to go back to Japan? He found he liked his family and his band members well enough but it still didn't make him feel any burning desire to return to his homeland. He could remember a lot more about his school years now, growing up with Hiro, the good times they had had. It had made him curious certainly - curious to see all the places he was beginning to remember, all the places that meant something to him, but he still wasn't sure if he wanted to stay there. He didn't even know if he wanted to return to his previous life as a pop star. As much as it sounded so glamourous, with fame and fortune at his feet, he still wasn't one hundred percent sure that is what he still wanted to do. He did want music in his life, that was one thing he was certain off – completely and utterly, but all the other trappings that went with it….that he wasn't sure of.

He looked out the window at the darkening sky. Why did he feel so….empty?

Annette watched as Shuichi had smiled at her, and then walked over to the window, folding himself neatly into the chair beneath it. It was his favourite spot, the place he would generally sit when he was thinking about something important. She remained where she was seated, watching him silently, seeing the play of emotions over his face. The worry, the confusion, almost seeing the myriad of thoughts that seemed to be pummeling his brain. Poor Shu, he really was upset. She knew that, as it was the only time he was ever truly silent. Even his smile was tinged with sadness.

What could have made him like this, she wondered. When she had arisen, he had already been up, and judging from the dark circles under his eyes, she had guessed that he hadn't seen much sleep during the night. There had been no improvement during the day either. If anything, his depression had seemed to deepen and it worried her. Shu wasn't one to stay down like this. He usually could pick himself up without too much trouble. That he hadn't, made her chew her nails in worry - literally.

He must want to go home; she believed that was the reason for this sudden change in mood. With Yuki leaving to return to Japan, she thought it may have triggered something deeper in Shu about his home, even if he didn't realize it yet himself. He was remembering more and more about his past, remembering places, people, towns, shops, streets. They were all places he knew, had known before, and it was probably making him want to see it all again, to refresh those memories. Also the ease with which he spoke with everyone who had come over, especially his family and friend, Hiro, showed his true feelings for these people, just how much they cared about him, and how much he cared about them. Of course all that would make him begin to yearn to go home. So why was he hesitating?

She stood and quietly walked up behind him, wrapping her arms about his neck. "Try and get some rest. Think about it some more tomorrow," she said. "I'll support you, no matter what you decide."

Shuichi reached up and squeezed her arms thankfully. Perhaps he should try and talk to Hiro tomorrow about it. Maybe his friend would know why he was feeling like this.

"Shindou!" Sakano rushed down the corridor towards where Shuichi was standing outside Hiro's room, hand raised to knock.

"Eh?" Shuichi looked up at the call, eyes wide as Sakano bore down on him.

Sakano skidded to a stop and grabbed his arm, beginning to drag him back down the corridor in the direction from which he had come.

"Hey!" Shuichi let out a cry, grabbing the door handle to prevent his sudden departure. "What's going on!"

"You must come with me! We've got to make arrangements!"

"What? What arrangements! What's going on!"

Shuichi felt the handle begin to turn in his grip making him lose his hold, and found himself flung backwards by a sudden jerk from Sakano, causing him to go crashing into the man and sending them both sprawling onto the carpet.

The door opened fully to reveal Hiro, who stood there silently for a moment, looking at the mingled mess of appendages before speaking, "Is there something I should know about?"

"Hiro!" Shuichi cried out, scrabbling to escape Sakano's grasp who wasn't letting go and maintained his clasp on one of Shuichi's ankles. "Hiro, help me!" Shuichi called again, crawling towards his friend, pleading.

"No, Shindou! You must come with me!" Sakano begged as he was dragged forward a few inches with Shuichi's halting progress.

Hiro squatted down and looked from one to the other of the weird-seeming Siamese twins lying before him. "Why do you want Shuichi to go with you?" he asked Sakano calmly.

"Well, Ryuichi Sakuma called and asked K if Shindou would be able to come and see him as soon as possible, maybe even tomorrow."

"What!" Shuichi's cry reverberated down the corridor, "Tomorrow! Why didn't you say so! Hiro," he turned to his friend. "Are you coming too? What about Suguru?"

"I don't know, Shuichi," Hiro said with a bemused smile. "This is the first I've heard of it."

"Where's K!" Shuichi demanded, getting to his feet and heading off down the corridor. "We've got to get things organized!"

Hiro stood and watched his friend storm off purposefully, still dragging Sakano across the floor as the poor man struggled to get his footing to push himself upright, yet at the same time obviously reluctant to fully release his hold on Shuichi in case his young charge ditched him in the process.

Hiro pulled a cigarette out and lit it before following at a more sedate pace.

K opened the door to admit them upon Shuichi's loud resounding knock. He waved them all to whatever seating they could take in the room. Hiro and Sakano took the two arm chairs, whilst Shuichi commandeered the edge of the bed.

"Yes, Ryuichi asked that you go and see him in New York as soon as you can." K said in answer to Shuichi's demand to explain. "Hopefully, in the next few days as he's in the middle of filming at the moment so doesn't have a great deal of time to spare." K perched on the corner of the table arms crossed over his chest as he surveyed the panting youth before him.

He glanced towards a silent Sakano sitting close by. Now why did the man have lint all over the front of his suit, and what looked to be a carpet burn on his chin? Surely this epidemic of 'boy love' that had always revolved around Shuichi's relationship wasn't rubbing off on Sakano now!

"I'll go right now!" Shuichi's loud declaration refocused K back on the situation on hand.

"Ah, Shuichi, don't you think you might want to pack some things first? A toothbrush at least? And didn't you promise Annette that you'd take her with you?" Hiro put in mildly, halting his friend's mad dash to the door.

"Annette! Of course!" He reached into a pocket and pulled out his mobile phone, dialing quickly. As he placed it against his ear, he continued speaking to K, "How soon can we get on a flight?"

"I'm sure that won't be too difficult." K assured him. "As soon as everyone is organised and ready to go, we can leave."

K paused as Shuichi turned his attention to the phone. "Annette, can you take a couple of days off?" He was silent as he listened, before continuing. "Ryuichi has invited us to see him in New York but it's got to be soon. Can you do it? I know it's close to your exams, but it's not like this is an everyday occurrence! You will? Great! I'll let you know tonight what we've organized. Bye!" Shuichi hung up.

"As I was about to say," K put in, "I'll be arranging also for the rest of us to head home as well."

Shuichi froze in place. "You're…leaving?"

K nodded. "We've got to get back. The band's got to start working on the next album and Tohma can't keep the press quiet for much longer."

Shuichi looked towards Hiro who was still sitting quietly on the couch. "So you're going too?"

"Guess so," Hiro replied. He smiled at Shuichi. "We've got to work for a living too, you know!"

Shuichi was silent.

Hiro stood and walked over to ruffle the hair on his friend's down-turned head. "Don't worry, dude. You can come visit sometime. And, hey, you'd better call me! Don't you lose my number!"

Shuichi looked up with a small grin. "Nah, I wouldn't do that." He held up his phone. "It's in my phone book."

"See, we can still keep in touch." Hiro said, lightly punching Shuichi's arm.

"Yeah, I suppose so."

"Don't put off the visit for too long. It would be good to show you around again."

"Thanks. I….think I'd like that."

"Well, you had better go get ready. Don't forget to tell your family." K told Shuichi, standing and guiding him out the door. "I'll make some phonecalls and let you know what's happening."

"Okay."

As Shuichi walked down the corridor he felt his excitement at meeting his idol, Ryuichi Sakuma, waning a little at the thought of Hiro and the others leaving soon. He had known that they couldn't stay here forever, logically he knew that. Yet, at the same time, a part of him just didn't want to believe that they actually would leave. It would be lonely without them here. He was just getting used to having them around.

He stepped out of the elevator at the floor below. He had better speak to his family and tell them he was going to New York. He hoped they wouldn't mind him leaving so suddenly.

There was quite a flurry the following day, with people gathering from all directions for the trip to New York. K had arranged bookings for not only himself, Sakano, Hiro and Suguru, but also Shuichi and Annette, who arrived at the hotel slightly out of breath as everyone heard how Shuichi had managed to knock a pot plant off their small window ledge and was forced to ensure that it was all cleaned up before they left.

The other unexpected turn of events had been Shuichi's family who had also made the decision to accompany them to New York, before making their way home as well. They had announced it to Shuichi when he had gone to tell them of his impending trip, and he had been quite upset to hear it. Between his tears, his mother's and Maiko's, it had been a substantial water-fest! He understood their reasoning, and they had encouraged to come back to Japan with them, even just for a visit, no pressure to stay if he didn't want to, but the mere thought of returning to what still seemed to him to be a foreign country was quite daunting and he had avoided giving an answer at this time.

So with that announcement, K had made some further hurried bookings to ensure that they could all make the trip to New York.

Maiko was over overjoyed at hearing that she would be meeting Ryuichi Sakuma, almost, although not quite, as much as Shuichi was. Although her brother had worked in the same industry as the legendary Sakuma, she had never had the opportunity to meet the previous lead singer of Nittle Grasper before he departed for New York once more. She had always liked Nittle Grasper's music, however she was never as much of an addict as Shuichi had been and she admitted that she had probably been a little brain-washed into liking the band, during her younger years due to Shuichi constantly playing Nittle Grasper's music and talking of nothing but them. Her brother's whole existence had seemed to revolve around what his favourite band had been doing and they were the biggest inspiration for his own pursuit of music. Now, she would finally get the opportunity to meet the one and only great Ryuichi Sakuma. She couldn't wait to tell all her friends when she got back home!

So when they had all gathered finally in the lobby of the hotel, they made quite a crowd. Quickly they piled into two limos, again arranged by K, and headed for the airport. It was a tight squeeze, even with most of the baggage placed in the boot, but between bodies, carry bags, and other miscellaneous items that was not packed into the general luggage it seemed that the trip was taking a long time.

When the cars reached the airport they all oozed out, stretching cramped muscles, and then there was the mad scramble to sort out what luggage belonged to whom and headed for the check-in.

K had been unable to book them all onto the same flight, getting seating for nine people in first class at the last minute wasn't easy, but he had managed to succour the final seats on the next plane after also. So Shuichi's family kindly agreed to take the later plane to allow him and the rest of the band to meet Ryuichi Sakuma ahead of them. Maiko had pouted a little at this but there was little she could do.

Shuichi was so excited. He was finally going to meet Ryuichi Sakuma! Though, he amended, he had been told he had met him before but he couldn't remember so that didn't count as far as he was concerned!

He wondered what he would be like. K and the others had told him a few things that had surprised him a little. Was Ryuichi Sakuma really that…strange? He knew that he seen photos of his idol in magazines where he was holding a stuffed toy but he had thought it was just some sort of publicity gimmick. Now he had been told that it actually was a part of the real Ryuichi Sakuma's personality and not to be concerned by it. He fidgeted in his seat again, gnawing on a nail.

"Shu, will you sit still!" Annette said in exasperation for what seemed like the one hundredth time.

"Sorry," he mumbled, throwing an apologetic look in her direction.

She sighed. "I know you're really excited but bouncing around in your seat isn't going to make the plane get there any quicker! You've nearly spilt your drink three times!"

He glanced down at the tray table and could see the small puddle gathered at the base of the cup resting there. Annette was right. At this rate he was going to end up wearing it and what would Ryuichi think of him if he turned up stinking of alcohol? Not to mention how uncomfortable he would be having to finish the flight with sopping wet trousers!

Annette grabbed a spare napkin from her own tray and reached over to lift Shuichi's cup and mop up the liquid before it could head for his lap. "We're almost there so just try to relax a little." she suggested.

"But what should I say when I meet him?" he asked worriedly, fidgeting again.

Annette rolled her eyes at his antics, giving up. Short of sedating him, Shuichi wasn't about to calm down.

"Why not start with 'Hello'?" she suggested.

"I know that much! What about after?" Shuichi said, frowning at her.

"I'm sure you won't have any problems in thinking of something to say. After all, you're a big fan of his, so don't you want to ask him about his music? And you know you sang with him before, so he must know your music. You've got lots to talk about."

"What if he doesn't like my music?"

"You know that's not true. Why would Mr. K lie to you? He told you that Ryuichi Sakuma liked you, and your music. You already know that."

"But I don't remember any of that!"

"You probably will when you meet him," Annette tried to reassure him. "Now stop worrying or I'm going to brain you with your pretzels!" she threatened, grabbing the small bag and waving it at him.

That made him laugh and he held up his hands in surrender. "All right! All right! I'll be good!"

"Humph!" Annette snorted, relinquishing her hold on the snacks.

Hiro watched this interaction quietly from across the aisle. He was sure that once Shuichi re-met Ryuichi that he would lose his nervousness. He had a feeling that just meeting Ryu would trigger quite a few memories for him, mostly about his music. Ryuichi Sakuma and his subsequent antics had been a big part in shaping Shuichi and Bad Luck at the start. Hiro didn't think that would be something that Shuichi was likely to forget for too long.

The limo raced through the streets, smoothly dodging the traffic. For a large car, it was navigating the roads with a graceful ease. K had once again opted for a limo, not for any attempt to impress, but for the simple expedience of being able to carry six people in relative comfort.

"We're nearly there," K assured Shuichi, watching the youth continue to chew on his nails. If the journey took much longer he was going to start gnawing on his knuckles if he wasn't careful!

The limo pulled up and they all piled out, grabbing bags quickly. Shuichi looked up at the expensive hotel that stretched skywards. The whole place screamed out, 'Money!'. He gulped as they walked towards the door following K. The doorman, in a pristinely pressed uniform, smoothly opened the doors and bowed them through. Shuichi felt positively grubby in his casual clothes.

Inside was just as impressive, with large chandeliers dripping from the ceiling, mirrors reflecting the soft muted light, the floor tiles polished so they gleamed and were able to reflect the lighting back.

"Hiro," Shuichi hissed to his friend. "I'm afraid to walk on the floor in case I scratch it!"

"Don't worry about it," Hiro whispered from the corner of his mouth, lips barely moving. "They'd just fix it anyway. If you're concerned about it, walk faster and get over it as quickly as possible."

Taking Hiro's suggestion to heart, Shuichi almost sprinted across to a patch of carpet on the other side, bypassing K on his way. There he waited for the others to catch up with him. K raised an eyebrow at his antics, but forwent saying anything.

"The desk clerk with ring through and let Ryuichi know we're on our way." he said as they entered the elevator. K swiped a card through the slot and punched in a code on the key pad that was revealed, before it clicked shut again. The lift rose, and continued to rise. Shuichi watched the numbers increase, and as the digits went higher, his eyes became wider.

"Ryuichi always likes high places so he's in the penthouse." K explained when finally the elevator ceased its movement and the doors swished open. "This way,"

They all followed after as they moved down the corridor. Shuichi could feel his feet sinking deeply into the thick pile of the carpet as the walked, and he itched to take off his shoes and go barefoot just to feel the plushness on the souls of his feet. What decadence!

K knocked on a door and they waited for a moment, then heard a faint voice calling out, "Coming!". A rattle of a lock and chain gave them warning that the door was opening and sure enough it did. A tall, thin, stern-faced man stood on the other side, black suit pressed and starched to within an inch of its life. He bowed and waved them in. "Please enter, gentlemen. Mr. Sakuma is awaiting your arrival in the living room. This way, please," and shutting the door, they followed the man further into the room.

They passed a couple of closed doors and soon entered a spacious area, sunlight pouring in brightly. Ryuichi Sakuma was curled up casually on a couch. He looked up as they all trooped in and a bright smile crossed his face.

"Sir, your guests have arrived," the butler intoned formally, and with another brief bow to them all, he backed out of the room, gently closing the door behind them.

"Hiya!" Ryuichi cried out and bounced off the couch, leaping cleanly over the coffee table that was in his way, to land just before them.

Shuichi watched this all with amazement, seeing the older man hurtle through the air without a single thought to the possibility of danger to himself, before he came to a skidding stop in front of him.

"Shuichi!" he cried out happily, reaching out and grabbing Shuichi's hand and pumping it up and down in a hearty hand shake.

Shuichi felt his lips begin to twitch as the touch of Ryuichi's hand made all his excitement and idol worship come bubbling to the surface. The idiotic grin spread further across his face as he returned the hand shake enthusiastically.

"I'm so glad to meet you!" he said, his voice almost squeaking with glee. "I love all your music! I can't believe that I'm really meeting you!" His whole body was beginning to bounce up and down on the balls of his feet in time with his hand-shaking. "I'm so, so very, very happy!"

Ryuichi also wore a broad grin, almost identical to the one on Shuichi's face, and was begin to bounce up and down, only in time with his hand-shake, so between the two of them they were making a weird see-sawing motion. The others could only look on in bafflement. There was no point in trying to think that this was going to be just an ordinary get-together – not when it included Ryuichi and Shuichi!

"Now, Ryuichi, why don't we let everyone sit down and get comfortable, eh? Shuichi's family is going to be arriving later on as well remember?"

"Of course, of course," Ryuichi said, releasing Shuichi's hand and bouncing away again. Once more he leapt the table and landed feet first on the couch he had previously been sitting on, jumping up and down as he grandiosely waved them towards the remaining seats. "Sit, sit! Shuichi, Kumagoro wants you to sit with us!" and he held up the stuffed pink rabbit, making its arms wave in a beckoning gesture.

"Okay!" Shuichi agreed, not weirded out in the least at the appearance of the infamous Kumagoro that the others had told him about.

That's a pretty good sign, Hiro thought as he took a seat. Shuichi hasn't batted an eye over Ryuichi's behaviour or him having Kumagoro, so perhaps there's more memory there than he realizes yet.

"Say hello to Kumagoro!" Ryuichi demanded of Shuichi. "He's really missed Shuichi! No one sparkles like Shuichi does!"

"Hello, Kumagaro," Shuichi obediently said, and reached out to pat the top of the stuffed toy's head.

"Weeee!" Ryuichi squealed happily, throwing himself on top of Shuichi, making Kumagoro wrap its tiny arms around Shuichi's neck. "That makes Kumagoro very, very happy, Shuichi! Shuichi is so nice! Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back!"

Shuichi was laughing hard as he tried to disengage himself from both Ryuichi and Kumagoro's hold.

"Who's that?" Ryuichi suddenly said in a flat voice, as he froze in place, still lying on top of Shuichi.

"Huh?" Shuichi was caught unawares at the sudden switch of emotions.

"Who's that person?"

Shuichi followed Ryuichi's gaze and found that he was looking at Annette, who was in turn looking extremely uncomfortable. He felt a twinge of guilt. He had completely forgotten about her in his excitement at meeting Ryuichi.

"That's Annette," he introduced.

"Who is she?" Ryuichi pressed.

"She's my girlfriend," Shuichi explained. "She likes your music, too, and wanted to meet you. You…don't mind, do you?" He was beginning to wonder if he had overstepped his invitation in asking Annette to accompany him.

Ryuichi sat up and brushed his hair away from his face. "So she likes my music?" His voice seemed deeper now, more serious. Shuichi frowned. It seemed like he was almost a different person. "Why do you like my music?" he directed the question to Annette.

She licked her lips briefly before replying, "It makes me…feel things." she said a little hesitantly. "Like when Shu sings."

Ryuichi turned his head briefly to glance at Shuichi who was still lying prone on the couch not game to make a move and disturb this new and strange Ryuichi. "So you've heard Shuichi sing?"

Annette nodded.

"And you like what you hear?"

Again, she nodded.

"Hmm," Ryuchi leant back a little more, settling Kumagoro absently in his lap. "At least you do have an ear for talent. Perhaps that is a good thing."

K was watching this conversation carefully. He had abided by Tohma Seguchi's wishes and ensured that nothing was said to Shuichi about his relationship with Yuki, however if anyone might open that particular can of worms, it would be Ryuichi. And probably deliberately as well. He was beginning to wonder if he wasn't going to have to leap, literally, into the middle of things and tackle Ryuichi before he let too much out. Ryuichi lived by only one set of rules –his own.

"Well, you are pretty and obviously intelligent, but you do know that Shuichi comes from a different world to you. He was only loaned to you."

Annette stared at him with wide eyes, beginning to look a little scared. "Ryu…i…chi.." Shuichi stammered, attempting to sit up, concerned for her. Why was Ryuichi being so mean to her? What was he doing?

A hand reached out and pulled him upright, before snaking over his shoulders and hugging him tightly against Ryuichi's side. "Shuichi belongs to my world. He belongs to the whole world, his songs touch everyone's heart. And there is another he belongs to, in a way that you will never be able to touch no matter how much you try."

What….? Shuichi's mind grappled with this. What was Ryuichi saying? What did he mean 'belonging to another'? Just what was going on?

Ryuichi suddenly stood and walked over to the corner bar, pouring a drink and taking a sip. No-one spoke.

"Did you know that a duck's quack doesn't echo?" Ryuichi suddenly said into the silence. All eyes turned to him and he looked calmly back at them, Kumagoro held on his shoulder and watching them all with its bright button eyes. The silence lengthened…and lengthened.

Then there was a snicker from Shuichi. Silence. Another snicker, slightly louder. Silence. Then the snicker became a chortle, which turned into a chuckle, before bursting out into a full fledge laugh.

"A duck's quack…" Shuichi gasped out between laughs, "doesn't echo!" His laughter increased. "A duck…" and he stuck his hands under his armpits and flapped his elbows up and down a bit, "Quack…" His hands now came together to form what could be the shape of a duck's bill, opening and closing them.

Ryuichi was now laughing with him just as hard, mirroring Shuichi's movements, made all the more amusing due to Kumagoro trying to join in also. All other eyes flicked back and forth between them.

"What'd I tell you?" Suguru stated rhetorically, falling into a chair nearby, a disgruntled expression on his young face. "They're both idiots!"

"Let's get ice-cream!" Ryuichi suddenly said, grabbing Shuichi's hand and dragging him towards the door. "Come on, K! We'll go get ice-cream for everyone!"

"But, Ryuichi…." Shuichi started to say as he was bodily dragged from the room.

K stood and followed them, "Don't worry, I'll keep an eye on them. Just wait for us. Sakano, can you make sure the Shindou family gets here safely?"

"Of course," Sakano pushed his glasses up his nose with one elegant finger. "Just be sure to not lose either of them."

K gave a jaunty wave, and pulled out his gun with a grin, "Oh, I won't lose them." He said, with an evil laugh.

Annette shivered. They were all so bizarre!

"So is Shuichi going to sparkle again?" Ryuichi suddenly said as they walked down the street, Kumagoro swinging back and forth between them, one paw held by Ryuichi, the other by Shuichi.

"Sparkle?" Shuichi queried, glancing at the older man.

"He means, sing," K translated from where he was walking behind them.

"Ah, well, I do still sing. A bit." Shuichi replied. Ryuichi came to a stop suddenly, jerking Kumagoro from Shuichi's grip.

"No! No, no!" Ryuichi said emphatically waving Kumagaro around to emphasise each word. "Sparkle, sparkle! Like before! On stage. The lights, sparkle brighter than the lights. Sparkle brighter than everyone. The shiniest person there!"

"Ah," Shuichi was a little overwhelmed at this outpouring of intense emotion. He wasn't quite sure he fully understood what Ryuichi was saying but he knew it must have something to do with his singing and Bad Luck. Ryuichi did seem to want to encourage him to return to the stage. However, he was still feeling ambivalent as to whether he was ready to go back to that lifestyle.

"Shuichi has to sparkle like before," Ryuichi said firmly.

"I guess I will if I go back to Bad Luck."

"Bad Luck, bad smuck!" Ryuichi snorted in a derogatory manner. "Shuichi has to find his sparkle first."

"I thought that was my singing?" Now Shuichi was really feeling confused.

Ryuichi suddenly reached out and placed a hand over his heart and said in a serious tone, "You have to find it here. Remember."

Shuichi looked deeply into Ryuichi's dark eyes, seeing a completely different person to one who had just been walking beside him. This was the second time he had seen this change. He wasn't frightened by it. It just made what Ryuichi was saying at these times that much more important to listen to.

Ryuichi held his gaze then suddenly he hit Shuichi over the head with Kumagoro. "Shuichi is so stupid sometimes!" he stated airily and turned to skip away. "Ice-cream, ice-cream. Let's all have ice-cream!"

K closed the gap to draw closer to where Shuichi was still standing looking a little stunned at the sudden Ryuichi personality switch once more. "Well, that's Ryuichi all over for you," he said calmly. "We'd better follow him or he's bound to get side-tracked by something, and goodness knows what'll happen then. Besides we don't want everyone worrying too much if we're held up. Sakano would never forgive you if you went missing again and gave him another ulcer!"

"Oh, okay," and they followed in Ryuichi's wake, Shuichi still trying to fathom out what the man had meant. He knew it was really important, he felt it, but the full meaning was remaining tantalizingly just out of reach in his mind.

They returned not long after carrying ice-creams for everyone. They were able to do this because K had insisted on buying a couple of tubs of the confectionary, and the cones separately, instead of the ready to eat cones that Ryuichi had wanted. The thought of trying to carry a number of melting, dripping ice-cream cones back to the hotel made Shuichi shudder with horror. K's idea was much more sensible.

Once back in the room, Ryuichi took on the role of host gleefully, happily scooping the ice-cream out of the tubs, and piling the cones higher and higher. Each person quickly realized that it was up to them to rescue their portion or Ryuichi would just keeping stacking it higher which would only lead to disaster.

Soon they were all grasping an ice-cream cone in hand, and had to admit that Ryuichi did have the right idea.

"Yuki should have been here for ice-cream, too, but he probably still can't come over." Ryuichi said, wiping ice-cream over Kumagoro's face.

Shuichi dropped the ice-cream he was holding, ignoring the wet, splonking sound it made as it impacted with the floor and the splatter it sent across the legs of his jeans.

"Yuki's here? In New York?"

"Yuki got sick, so he had to go and get better," Ryuichi said in a light tone, still trying to feed his ice-cream to the unresponsive Kumagoro. Ryuichi's face fell a little. He cast a hurt look towards K. "Kumagoro doesn't want any."

"I'm sure he's fine, Ryu. He probably doesn't want to spoil his dinner."

"Oh," and Ryuichi cheered up at that and settled back to eat his ice-cream himself.

"You said Yuki was sick?" Shuichi finally managed to find his voice again after the initial shock.

Ryuichi nodded, "He got really sick when he arrived here. He had to go to the hospital."

"What! He's in hospital?" Shuichi was shocked.

Ryuichi nodded again, eyes fixed on the boy's face. "Yes, he collapsed three days ago."

Shuichi didn't notice the change coming over Ryuichi's face, the child-like expression slipping away.

"What hospital?" Shuichi demanded. "You've got to tell me!"

"Do you really want to see him?" Ryuichi asked, his voice quite serious.

"Yes! I have to!"

"Okay," Ryuichi told him the name of the hospital and Shuichi spun around and sprinted from the room, not hearing Annette's surprised cry of "Shu!" following him.

He jumped into a taxi directly outside the doors, little knowing that Ryuichi had already arranged for the taxi to be ready and waiting there. He gave the hospital's name and address and promised to double the fare if the driver shortened the time of the journey. This was more than enough to spur the driver away from the kerb with a screech of tyres and smoke and with enough force to press Shuichi back into the seat.

He stared out the window at nothing, not seeing the scenery passing by. He unconsciously gnawed at a nail, worry churning his stomach. Yuki was in hospital. What had happened? What was wrong with him? Why had he collapsed? He had been fine when he had left Quebec City only a few days ago. Hadn't he been?

Shuichi froze. Had Yuki been ill the whole time, even before this? Had he been ill and he hadn't even noticed? How could he have been so self absorbed not to have known, not to have seen! A tear trickled from the corner of his eye, following the contour of his cheek, to trail to the tip of his chin, before falling to his hands clenched in his lap.

Yuki was sick. He didn't know how bad, or what was wrong. He just knew he had to see him. He wouldn't leave him there; alone, hurt. He had to be there for him. After all, Yuki had been there for him all this time. It was the very least he could do. He owed the man so much!

Further tears fell on the backs of his hands. Angrily he reached up and brushed them away from his face. Crying wasn't helping anyone, he thought angrily. He had to think of Yuki!

He was thrown forward suddenly and looking up saw they had arrived at their destination. He pulled out his wallet and tossed over a wad of cash, more than honouring his promise. "Keep the change," he said as he disappeared out the door leaving the cab driver still looking stunned at his good fortune.

Shuichi pushed the doors open and ran straight to reception. "Can you tell me which room Eiri Yuki is in, please?" he pleaded, looking at the nurse with wide eyes. "Please?"

"What was the name?"

"Eiri Yuki," Shuichi repeated.

The nurse clicked away on the computer then looked up to where Shuichi was nearly crawling over the top of the desk in his worry. "Sorry, sir, but Mr. Yuki checked out at lunchtime."

Shuichi gaped at her, not believing what he was hearing. "He's….gone?"

"Yes, sir," she replied. "He checked out earlier today."

"Oh," Shuichi felt his heart plummet. "Oh, I see."

"I'm sorry," The nurse said taking in his crest-fallen expression.

"Thank you," he remembered to say as he turned away.

He stepped away from the counter. He stood there, feeling somewhat deflated after his mad dash here. Yuki was gone. Well, that must mean that he was okay, mustn't it? They wouldn't let him go if he was really sick surely? So that was a good thing.

Suddenly as an image flashed through his mind. Yuki, lying in a hospital bed, golden hair spread over the pillow, pale, with a drip in his arm. In his mind he could remember snatches of conversation, '…you shouldn't be with….need to get away….think of your health…get away from the source of my stress…not targeting your relationship…think of your condition….break up…'' Yuki had been coughing up blood, he was admitted to hospital. They had said it was due to stress. Stress from …..

His stomach cramped harder, pain shooting through him. He was having trouble breathing, his eyes watering, his vision darkening. Yuki! He had been sick before - he knew he had! He had thought he was going to die, that he was going to lose him! He had been so scared!

He made a staggering run to the bathroom, barely making it in time, where he violently threw up, retching until there was nothing left in his stomach, feeling it continue to cramp, doubling him over with pain. His head was pounding and he felt so hot, as though a fever was burning inside, deep in the pits of his soul.

He weakly left the stall and staggered to the washbasin, gripping the edge for support so hard his knuckles were white and he could feel his fingers begin to hurt. With a shaky hand he turned on the faucet, leaning down to splash the cold running water over his heated skin. He lifted his head, taking in a deep gulping breath, trying to gain better control of his body.

The face that stared back at him was like that of a stranger. Water fell from the spiky hair framed around the stark white face, drips trailing down his face, tracking down his cheeks like tears. Tears…he watched them as they fell. They were tears he realized. The large eyes looking back at him were bleak, almost dead-looking, except for the fear that still lingered there in the depths.

Another picture flashed into his mind; an image of himself crying by the bed as he looked on Yuki's slumbering form. He could hear his own voice saying that he would die if Yuki left him. His hand unconsciously lifted to tightly grip his shirt directly over his heart, bunching the material up. His body was shaking with the intensity of the emotions crashing through his soul. Tears continued to fall from his eyes, but he didn't see them. He saw nothing around him as his vision focussed inwards.

He could remember his surprise and relief when Yuki spoke to him whilst he stood there beside the bed, when he said he wouldn't leave, the relief and joy and…

He doubled over again, head hanging almost fully in the basin as he gasped, struggling to breathe as his mind and body were flooded with this overload of emotions and sensations.

Yuki! He hadn't wanted Yuki to leave, he hadn't wanted him to go and leave him. He couldn't have borne it if he had! Like now….

His body shuddered. He hadn't wanted him to leave! His legs could no longer hold him and he collapsed slowly into a huddled heap on the tiled floor, hands still gripping the porcelain basin above.

Yuki!

He continued to cry.

Hiro looked up as he heard the door open and Shuichi entered slowly. He looked dreadful, face pale as a ghost, eyes red-rimmed, clothing crumpled. Hiro immediately got to his feet, concerned that the worst had occurred, judging from the blank expression on his friend's face.

"Shu?" he questioned reaching a hand out to comfort if need be. Had Yuki been more ill than Ryuichi had indicated? Had he…..

Shuichi looked up after a moment and gave a wane smile. "Yuki had already left," he said in a soft voice. Hiro felt a wave a relief flood through him. Thank goodness for that! He really had feared the worse.

Shuichi then turned to face Ryuichi. "Do you know where he's gone?"

Ryuichi lifted Kumagoro to his ear and nodded his head as the stuffed animal jiggled as though speaking. "Kumagoro says that he went back home."

"Is he all right?"

More silent conversation. "He was pretty sick, but he should be okay once he's home again. There are people there to look after him."

"I see." Shuichi said quietly, looking down at his feet again.

"Shu," Annette half whispered at his side, not knowing what to do. She had never seen him looking like this before. It was as though all the life had been drained from him, leaving nothing more than a shell. He didn't answer her.

"Well," K spoke up, breaking the building silence. "I think it's time for us to finalise our plans." He turned to Hiro and Suguru. "I'll collect you when it's time to go."

He stood and began to make his way to the door when Shuichi's voice stopped him. "I'm going to."

K slowly turned to see Shuichi looking steadily at him, his jaw set in a firm stubborn line that K recalled seeing at times before.

"I want you to get me a ticket as well."

"Are you sure?" Hiro asked quietly.

Shuichi nodded. "Yes. It's time I went home."


	33. Chapter 33

Title: The Key to My Heart: Chapter 34

Author: JadeHeart

Located/Archived: Found on gurabiteshiyon & AFF. If anyone else would like it, please ask me first

Fandom: Gravitation

Rating: M

Warnings: angst, bad language

**Disclaimer: **I do not own the characters in this, except that of Annette and Agent Jim Harris who are my original characters. All other main characters belong to the creators of 'Gravitation', and I am not making any profits from this story.

Chapter 34

Shuichi held up his hand to shield his eyes from the bright sunlight. He blinked in the glare, as well as to help him wake up a little more. He had managed to grab a bit of sleep on the flight over but it still felt like it was a sleep from exhaustion than any real relaxing slumber, so his eyes were still feeling a gritty, his head felt stuffed with cotton wool and his body felt drained.

It had been a complete rush when leaving New York. Firstly, Ryuichi invited everyone to stay over and watch him filming and look around for a time. It had been an offer that none of them had wanted to decline. Shuichi used this time to return to see some of his old friends, taking Annette along to show her where he had previously been living and working. He found that he was really happy to see these people again, and the joy they expressed at seeing him once more and to learn how well he was doing, touched him in a way that almost made him regret his decision to leave.

The Shindou family also had never been to New York so K made a special effort to show them around the main sights of the city in the time they had. Maiko had been thrilled to climb to the top of the Statue of Liberty and look out over the bay. It had made her feel like she could just leap out and fly away! She was getting quite giddy at the thought of returning home because she was going to have so much to tell her friends! Sakano had unexpectedly gifted her with a camera as she didn't have one, this not being an item of importance in the rush to get over to Canada to see her long-lost brother. She accepted it with tears of gratitude before wrapping her arms around Sakano's waist to hug him in thanks, a gesture that made the stoic Sakano blush brightly. She insisted that the first photo taken be of her and Sakano together, which Ryuichi obligingly took. Since then, the memory stick was rapidly filling up.

On one of the days, Shuichi and Annette joined the family in Central Park and Maiko bullied her brother into riding a tandem bike with her, which provided much amusement to everyone else as the two of them just couldn't seem to find the co-ordination to cycle successfully and spent more time wobbling dangerously along the paths and being a general menace to society and to life and limb of every other person within their vicinity of motion.

When everyone had decided that they had seen what they wished to see and were ready to return home, there was another delay of a few days before being able to get a flight out. K had decided that for this trip it wouldn't be a good idea for anyone to be traveling separately. If they went, they would all go together. There were far too many nightmares attached to the possibilities of what could occur through a separation, so K was determined to not subject anyone to those worries if it could be helped.

Of course, with deciding to stay over for this lengthy period of time in New York meant that accommodation had to be arranged. Fortunately, Ryuichi's penthouse apartment had a suite of rooms attached so everyone was able to, with a bit of squeezing, fit in there for the first few days. Shuichi's family took one room, Maiko sleeping on the fold-out sofa in there. Shuichi and Annette squeezed onto one of the sofa's in the lounge room, whilst Hiro and Suguru, with much moaning of disgust from the younger man, had to share the other. K and Sakano slept on the final sofa in Ryuichi's room. Ryuichi did offer to share his large king-size bed with Shuichi, but the youth declined. That would have just felt way too weird!

So for three days they all had to learn to cope and put up with everyone's little idiosyncrasies, and there was more than one sigh of relief when K finally announced that everything was organized, booked and they were able to move to their own rooms in the same hotel. Ryuichi kindly offered to pay for it all, otherwise K would have chosen somewhere a little less up-market. However Ryuichi insisted, saying he wanted to remain close to Shuichi and everyone else for the time they were there.

"Shuichi has a nasty habit of disappearing," Ryuihci had said to K when he tried to refuse the offer of accommodation. "Kumagoro wants to keep a close eye on him until he's on his way back home. Then Tohma will watch over him." K had to agree to that assessment. Ryuichi really had been worried whilst Shuichi was missing and this was his way of alleviating that concern.

So they all spent quite an enjoyable week and a bit seeing the sights, spending time with each other, and also other people. Shuichi's parents were a little horrified at first to think that their son had been living in the small cramped apartments, sharing with various people, sometimes those of what could only be called, a dubious past, and the various part-time jobs he had held down during his brief time in the city. However, when they also realized how helpful all these people had been in assisting Shuichi in surviving in the city, they were extremely grateful and profuse in their thanks which Shuichi translated when required.

Yet, for all the enjoyment and excitement of being in a fascinating city such as New York, they were all ready to leave when K bundled them off to the airport to board their flight to Japan.

"This way," K said, walking past Shuichi along the walkway. The other passengers seemed to melt from their path, which wasn't surprising as they made quite a crowd with their group numbering eight, and that didn't leave much room for other people as they made their way through the terminal.

Shuichi felt a touch on his hand and looked down, then up. Maiko stood at his side and had reached out to take his hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze. He looked over to her with a grateful smile, his heart swelling with joy as he looked upon her smiling face.

"You'll be fine," she said, holding his hand tightly, "You'll see." She smiled brighter and gave his hand a quick tug. "I can't wait for you to get home so I can show you all your stuff! You won't believe how much you've got stored there still!" she began to chortle to herself and Shuichi could feel his own smile broaden. He found he was looking forward to returning home with her.

They reached the carousel and managed to gather all their luggage together, ensuring that nothing was missing, slinging some of the heavier items onto trolleys, whilst the rest was thrown over shoulders, before making their way outside the main terminal. Fortunately, K didn't hold them up at customs on this trip. Hiro suspected that either the man had got cleverer in hiding his arsenal, or the customs personnel were just so tired of catching him with the weapons that they had just given up trying to stop him!

"Oh, my!" Sakano suddenly exclaimed, coming to a dead stop in front of them. They all piled up behind him like a freeway accident, with more than one bag hitting the ground unexpectedly and a few 'Ow's resounding also.

"What?" K asked, trying to disentangle his legs from Suguru's bag, and his arm from Hiro's.

"The President is here," Sakano said in a reverent whisper as though he were meeting a god.

K looked over the man's shoulder to see the head of NG Productions standing before them, dressed immaculately as always, a warm welcoming smile on his face, radiating a sense of calm. Well, in one way that was very true. To many people, Tohma Seguchi was a god. The area around where he stood was completely clear of activity. No-one would dare to intrude on his personal space, whether consciously or not. Standing beside Tohma was Noriko, with a broad welcoming grin. She raised a hand and waved expansively to them.

"Welcome home!" she called out happily. "We thought we would save you the taxi fare so came to meet you!" she exclaimed as they drew nearer. She threw her arms around K first, pulling him down so she could hug him easier, before subjecting the mortified Sakano to the same treatment, who blushed furiously at the attention. She then moved on to Hiro who returned her gesture with enthusiasm and he also gained a quick peck on the cheek. Suguru received an even warmer greeting due to his family connection with Tohma and having known Noriko for a much longer time, so it looked like she was greeting her younger brother. He tolerated it.

She toned her greeting down for Shuichi's family. She knew them from her brief time as the keyboardist to Bad Luck at the beginning and had met the family a few times. They exchanged formalities, although Maiko did warrant a brief hug also.

She then turned to Shuichi with a warm smile. She made no attempt to throw herself at him as she had the others, she simply cocked her head to one side as she looked him up and down. "Well, at least you've been eating well, where-ever you've been." she said.

He looked back at her. Intellectually he knew who she was because she was a member of the band Nittle Grasper. Emotionally, he could feel something wiggling inside him as he peered at her.

She watched his eyes narrow in concentration and couldn't prevent the laugh that escaped her. He looked so funny!

"What?" he said.

"You look just like you do when you're trying to concentrate on writing lyrics," she said with a smile. "You get these little frown lines between your eyes right here!", and she reached out to tap his head in the spot she mentioned.

"Hey, stop that!" he said batting her hand away. "I'm not a little kid!" He was a little indignant at her attitude towards him.

"You're still younger than me, kiddo," she replied, tossing her hair back. "Not that you would know it, of course."

"Of course not, Noriko," a quiet voice said. "You don't look a day over eighteen."

Noriko flashed a broad smile over her shoulder. "Tohma, you are the worst liar out, but you can keep flattering me anyway!"

Shuichi watched as the President stepped closer, still smiling. He felt he stomach churn a little, a thread of trepidation winding itself around his innards. This was the president of NG Productions, the label that managed Bad Luck. This man was the ultimate controller of his life and career. Or, he corrected himself, had been.

He looked Tohma Seguchi up and down. He wasn't that much older than himself, and in fact probably looked younger than his actual age, judging from what he had picked up from speaking with K and Sakano. Yuki seemed older than this man, but that could be perhaps because Tohma was much shorter, only about Shuichi's height which gave him a more youthful appearance. He seemed very pleasant and very polite as he greeted Shuichi's family, and his smile was warm and welcoming.

He must be a very nice person, Shuichi thought. Yuki had said that he had helped look for him whilst he was missing. He must be a very busy man yet had taken the time to go to the USA with Yuki to try and see if they could find him. That is not something a bad person would do.

As Tohma Seguchi turned to face him, Shuichi bowed low. "I'm glad to finally meet you," he said. "I wanted to thank you for everything you have done for me. Yuki told me how much you tried to help, so thank you."

"That is quite all right, Shindou," the quiet voice said. "Do please stand up. There is no need to be so formal. We have known each other for some time now, after all."

Shuichi straightened up and looked directly into Tohma's face. The smile was still there, the eyes were still warm, but…there were also some dark shadows in those eyes, swirling like a mist behind the warmth. Shuichi felt a shiver run up his spine. There was obviously a lot more to Tohma Seguchi than he was showing.

"I have some cars waiting," Tohma said, directing the comment to everyone. "I gather that you wish to return directly home," he turned to Shuichi's family, "so I have arranged for you to be taken there. I am assuming that Shuichi will be accompanying you at this time?" he cast a quick glance at Shuichi who still remained silent.

"We cannot thank you enough," Shuichi's mother said gratefully. "Your kindness is over-whelming."

"No thanks are required," Tohma said, still smiling. "I'm happy to do what I can." He turned to K and the others. "The other car will take you all to the studio. There are a few things I wish to discuss with you all first before you return to your respective homes."

He turned back to Shuichi and his family. "Noriko will take you to the car. Have a safe journey." He gave a shallow bow then looked at Shuichi directly. "I will speak to you shortly, once you have rested and settled in."

"Ah, okay," was all he managed to say as Maiko began to drag him away to follow Noriko and the rest of the family. Again he saw those darker undercurrents in Tohma Seguchi's eyes and again he got all queasy inside. Yet, at the same time, for some reason, that queasiness felt…normal. How odd, he thought as he turned away and concentrated on where he was going.

Tohma watched silently as Shuichi and his family disappeared into the crowd. So Shuichi was back. He had come back after all. Now he just had to make certain he stayed here.

He turned back to where K and the others were still standing silently. They would never have dared to interrupt him whilst he was organizing things. When Tohma Seguchi organized, you just stayed out of the way and waited to be told what you had to do.

He smiled at them all, "Come along. The trip is bound to be quite tedious at this time of the day, due to the heavy traffic, so we will have plenty of time to talk in the car. I don't intend to keep you long as you must all be tired from your trip. By the way, how is Ryuichi doing?" he asked as they walked to the waiting car.

Shuichi watched the scenery passing by the window. At the beginning he had his nose almost glued to the glass, watching everything intently, trying to see if something would jog his memory, remind him of anything. Maiko spent some time pointing out landmarks and told him a few stories about various places he had been to in the past, until his mother calmly told her to sit down and rest of a bit, there would be plenty of time later on show her brother around, so why don't they all just relax for a moment before they arrive home.

Maiko accepted this advice with better grace than Shuichi had thought she would and then realized that she was probably feeling just as tired as he was. In fact, all his family probably was. It had been such a whirlwind of the past few weeks. So much had been crammed into such a short space of time. Perhaps that is why he was feeling so utterly spent, drained to the very core of his being.

He leant back in the seat, still looking out the window but now he was no longer watching the passing scenery. Annette, he thought, picturing her as she had been at hotel before they had left.

"So you really can't come?" Shuichi asked her for what seemed like the thousandth time.

She shook her head, "You know I can't. I've got exams coming up, and I couldn't leave until after they are over. Even if I didn't have them, I couldn't just up and go without speaking to my parents and telling them; and what about our apartment? We didn't exactly organize anything to cater for being away for a longer period of time. It's just been lucky that my sister was back home for the last couple of weeks to visit and was prepared to stay at our place to keep an eye on things, otherwise what would we have done about mail and bills and so on?"

"I know," he said, holding both her hands in his, looking down at their clasped grip.

"You can tell me all about it, okay?" she said giving his hands a squeeze.

"Sure," he said looking back up with a smile on his face. "When I'm settled in I'll call you and we can get things organized so you can come over. There'll be so much for you to see!"

A small smile tugged at her lips, "So you still want me to come over?"

"Of course I do!" He looked surprised at her question. "I'll send for you; as soon as I can."

"Okay," she said, though her smile, for some reason, seemed sad to Shuichi.

"Hey, Shuichi, hurry up! The cars are here."

He looked behind to see K waving, his hand at the door. "Okay. Be right there." He turned back to Annette and smiled at her. "Don't worry about me. I'll be fine. I've got all that lot," jerking his head at the crowd of people behind him, "to look after me! You take care getting back home and do your best in your exams. I'll expect to hear that you passed with honours, you know!"

"Sure," she said with that small smile.

He reached out to hug her, holding her tightly, feeling her arms wrap around his body and felt her face bury itself into the crook of his neck, her warm breath caressing his skin. He was a little surprised at this display as Annette wasn't usually the clingy sort, but he guessed it was probably just due to the suddenness of his departure making her like this.

Annette held Shuichi tightly, feeling the irrational urge swelling up in her to not let him go, to not let him leave. She couldn't prevent the feeling deep inside her that if he left now she would never see him again. Irrational, but it felt so real.

Ever since he had returned from his visit to the hospital and announced that he would be returning to Japan she had felt as though he had already left her. He had seemed so different when he had come back to the apartment, so distant, so focused. When he had said he was going to go back to Japan, his declaration had caught her completely by surprise. He had apologized to her after for not having discussed it with her before saying anything to everyone, but he said that he just felt that he had to go. She wondered if it had something to do with hearing that Yuki had been ill. Perhaps his concern for his friend had prompted this sudden change?

During the intervening days they had had a lot of fun together, and with his friends and family also. She had really enjoyed seeing where he had lived and worked in New York, it finally gave her a chance to see a part of his life that he had told her about. But even though they had spent every day together, it had still seemed that there was a growing distance between them, as though Shuichi was already on that plane, winging westward, and away from her. She was so afraid that she had already lost him.

He drew back a little, still keeping his arms about her waist, and was almost shocked to see tears clinging to her lashes. "Hey, hey, what's this for?" he said softly, reaching up a hand to brush the glittering moisture away, "It'll be fine. You'll see."

She nodded her head in response, still trying to smile but Shuichi could see the tears gathering again. "'Course it will," She took a small step backwards, putting distance between them so Shuichi had to release his hold on her. She swallowed hard and forced the smile on her face again. "You'd better not keep them waiting any longer or you'll miss your plane."

"Yeah, guess so. I'll call you as soon as I get over there, okay? We won't be apart for long."

She nodded again and raised a hand to shoo him on his way. "Go on," Another sad smile. "Good-bye, Shu…ichi."

"Hey, it's not that final. I'll talk to you later. Take care," he leant in, giving her a quick kiss on the cheek before turning to run to the car where K was standing impatiently with the door open and everyone else had already piled in.

Shuichi turned at the car to look back and wave. Annette raised her hand and responded, and as the door closed and the cars pulled away out of sight, she let her hand fall and the tears soon followed.

"To leave is always sad," a quiet voice said behind her. She didn't turn. She knew that it was Ryuichi Sakuma.

"It's what you wanted," she replied brokenly.

An arm slid around her shoulders, holding her, but she still refused to move or acknowledge the comfort. "I think it is for the best for all," Ryuichi said softly, "though there will always be pain at such partings. For that I am sorry."

The sincerity in his voice finally undid her resolve and she turned in his embrace to sob uncontrollably on his chest. He enclosed her in both his arms, resting his head on hers, holding her close to him letting her cry.

Annette clung to him as all the emotions she had been holding onto so tightly as Shuichi had left burst out. No matter what Shuichi said, she knew that he was no longer hers and this was, finally, good-bye.

K sat back in the car seat with a sigh as it pulled away from the kerb and headed for NG Productions. They were all in the one limousine, Tohma was making certain that no-one was getting away from him until he was finished with them.

"So, how was the flight?" Tohma asked amicably.

"Very good, Mr. President," Sakano replied, and K could see him fighting to prevent himself from trying to bow. Sakano was a real puzzle to K; he never knew quite what to make of him. Was this constant display of self-effusiveness really the true Sakano? He remembered hearing a rumour that Sakano had actually punch Tohma one time, back when Shuichi had been whisked off to America for an abortive attempt to have him switch labels, which is how Sakano stepped in as Acting President for a time. It hadn't lasted long, and neither of them had ever confirmed or denied that rumour. If it was true, there was certainly more to Sakano than met the eye. "The flight was very pleasant and the service excellent. There were no problems at all." Sakano finished answering.

"Good. So there were no issues with getting Shindou on a plane again?"

"Things were a little tense to begin with," K replied, "but actually more so for his family than for him. He doesn't really remember much of the accident, only waking up in the hospital." K shrugged. "That probably helps that it doesn't really leave him with any trauma connected to flying."

"That is a very good thing then." Tohma said, settling back comfortably. "So how is Ryuichi doing?"

"Fine," K answered, propping his head on his hand as he looked out the window briefly. "Busy with work as is to be expected. He's still pretty hot property over there." He glanced back at Tohma. "You know, if you wanted to push Bad Luck's music in the States, now would be the perfect time."

"Really," Tohma said nothing more.

K's eyes narrowed, "Yeah. With Ryuichi being so popular just at this point, and if it was leaked out that Shuichi had been living over there as well, amongst the 'common people' no less, that would be sure to endear him to the public. Not to mention that he's already got some of the Canadian public listening to Bad Luck's music." Yuki had told K about Shuichi's 'debut' as it were in the club he was working at.

"Is that so," Tohma again didn't expand on the conversation but K wasn't fooled. He could see that none of this was new to Tohma, not that that surprised him.

He half shrugged. There was never any point in trying to surprise Tohma Seguchi. Chances were that he was already two, if not three, steps in front of you all the way. No wonder he and Ryuichi got along so well together and had for all this time. They were both just so damn manipulative and devious. If he had had any doubts about that before, what had happened in New York completed wiped them away.

K walked over to where Ryuichi was idly playing with Kumagoro.

"Did you plan all this?" he asked, looking down at the man.

Ryu looked up with a beguiling innocent smile, "Planned?"

K's eyes narrowed, "Don't give me that, Ryu. I know you too well. Did you plan to get Shuichi here so you could tell him about Yuki?"

Ryuichi held up Kamagoro and made the toy place both hands over where its mouth would be. "Not telling." K rolled his eyes. Ryuichi was going to be in one of his difficult moods it seemed.

Just then there was the sound of a door opening in the distance and a voice called out, "Hey, Ryu, are you around? I passed your stiff-necked friend in the corridor and he told me to come in!"

Footsteps drew closer and K saw Ryuichi sit up a little straighter, looking intently towards the door.

"Traffic was a real bitch on the way back from the airport, but I got him dropped off okay," The door opened as the last was spoken, and a tall man stepped through before coming to a sudden stop. He stood still as nine pairs of eyes looked back at him.

"Ah…" He glanced around the crowded room until he spotted Ryuichi. "Ryu, are you having a party or something?"

"Come in, come in!" Ryuichi waved expansively, beckoning the man forward.

He took a hesitant step forward but when the frozen tableau remained frozen, he shrugged and continued over to Ryuichi.

"Say hello to Kumagoro!" Ryuihci demanded holding up the toy.

"Hello, Kuma," the man responded obediently.

Ryuichi frowned at him, "No, no! Kumagoro wants a real welcome! A kiss, a kiss for Kumagoro!"

"Not on your life!" was the quick response back, coupled with a glare, "There's no way on earth that you will get me to kiss that creepy thing!"

Ryuichi pouted, lips quivering as though he was going to cry. The man held up a finger to forestall the water works. "Don't you dare, Ryu," he threatened. "I mean it, if you so much as try to drop a tear, I will personally shove your Kuma-goo-goo where the sun doesn't shine, and I'm positive you will not enjoy it! I'm in a bad enough mood as it is so don't you dare try and push it!"

Ryuichi folded back in on himself in a sulk, hugging Kumagoro protectively to his chest. "Jim's being mean to Kumagoro!"

"He'll get over it," Jim said dryly.

A guffaw turned his attention to K who had stood by silently watching this exchange. "Well, you've certainly worked out how to handle Ryuichi. Not too many people can, you know."

Jim looked K up and down. "So you do actually move! I thought Ryu was starting up a wax museum or something! You American?"

"Yup," K acknowledged.

Jim rolled his eyes heaven-ward, "Thank god! It's so nice to be able to speak to someone sane!"

Hiro had been following this conversation in English without too much difficulty, his grasp of the language being far better than Shuichi's ever was mainly because he had actually studied whilst he was in school, and he couldn't help but snicker at the man's blind assumption that K was sane. K was many things, but sane was not a word that frequently came to mind when thinking of the man!

"So you are…?" K asked, looking the other man over.

"Oh, sorry, I was just surprised to see all you lot here." He thrust his hand out. "I'm Jim, Jim Harris."

K took it and they shook firmly. "Clyde Winchester, but you can call me K."

"K? Sounds like someone got stuck half-way through the alphabet."

K smirked a little. "It translates better in Japanese."

"Oh, so that's how you know Ryu."

"Shall we go somewhere a little more private for a moment?" K said suddenly.

Jim looked a little surprised but agreed. "Sure, if you want."

"Come on then. You, too, Ryuichi," and he led them into the bedroom adjoining dragging a protesting Ryuichi behind. He closed the door softly after them.

"Why the secrecy?" Jim asked, taking a seat on the edge of the bed.

"You're not just a 'normal' person, are you?" K questioned, sitting on the sofa opposite. Ryuichi sat on the floor by his knees, Kumagoro nestled in his lap.

"What do you call 'normal'?"

K eyed the other man carefully then leant back nonchalantly, "I would say you're law enforcement, or the equivalent of the other side of the coin. My personal guess would be lawful though."

"You've a good eye." Jim replied with a lazy smile. K smiled back a little smugly at his intuitive guess. "So do you have a license to carry that gun?"

K was startled. How had Jim known he was wearing a shoulder holster under his jacket? It's not generally something most people would be able to spot. Jim smirked back, almost mirroring K's smug look earlier. "I've got a good eye also."

K felt his lips twitch a little. Oh, yeah, he could get to like this guy!

"So, who are those others?" Jim asked, jerking his head towards the closed door.

"They're all friends of Ryu's as well."

"From Japan."

"That's right," K acknowledged. "We're just on our way home."

"Geez, it's been quite a busy home-coming week then for Ryu."

"Why's that?"

"Well, there's you lot, and before that, Yuki."

"Yuki, huh? How do you know him?"

"Oh, I met him and Tohma when they first came over looking for his friend."

"Ah," Now things were making a little more sense. K had known that Tohma had contacts over here; Jim was obviously one of them. "What were you saying when you first came in?"

"I just stopped by to let Ryu know that I had made certain that Yuki had got to the airport on time and nothing had gone wrong."

K glanced down at Ryuichi who tried to unobtrusively sidle away. He reached down and hooked a hand into the man's collar, holding him in place. He squirmed a little but didn't say anything.

"So Ryu knew that Yuki was going to the airport?"

Jim's eyes narrowed as he took in K's grasp on Ryuichi's clothes but still answered, "Sure. He asked me to make certain that I drove Yuki out there. I organized all the flights and let him know when it was all done."

"So Ryu knew for certain that Yuki wasn't in hospital?"

"He checked out earlier today."

"Hmm,"

Ryuichi's squirming was becoming more frantic, Kumagoro's floppy ears flinging backwards and forwards as he struggled to escape K's grip.

"Ah, can I ask something?" Jim said.

"Hhm?"

"What the hell is going on!"

"Oh, I think our little fluffy bunny here," K glanced down at the wriggling figure in his hand, "has been a little devious. Haven't we, bunny?"

Ryuichi froze and looked up at K with large eyes, then suddenly let out a loud wail and arms and legs began waving around frantically, "Waaaaaaahhhhhhhh! Let go, let go, let go! K's mean, mean mean! Kumagoro wants Jim to help. Help us get away from the mean K! Help! Help!" Tears were fountaining out of the man's eyes.

Jim watched this display in astonishment, whilst K pretty much ignored it and simply maintained his grip.

"Care to explain this to me?" Jim asked K over the continuing wails.

"Ryu here just dropped the bombshell on Shuichi that Yuki was in hospital, which sent him haring off to see him." K tightened his grip on the wriggling, and rapidly becoming sodden, mass in his hand. "However, we have just found out that Ryu knew perfectly well that Yuki was not in hospital any longer so Shuichi's mad mercy dash is entirely pointless."

Now he looked down at the still struggling Ryuichi and dragged him in closer to pin the man between his legs. Ryuichi looked up at him with a tear-streaked face, quivering lips and puffy eyes. He looked so utterly pitiful, but K wasn't fooled by any of it. Even through the tears still filling the eyes, there were swirling mists of emotions and thoughts that went far beyond what they were seeing.

"So why did Ryuichi feel the need to send Shuichi off on a wild goose chase, hmm?"

"Shuichi? You mean the kid's here!" Jim broke through K's thoughts causing him to look over to the other man.

"Yes, he came here because Ryuichi invited him and he's a big fan of his music. That's his old band members and family out there."

"So that's it! Why the hell didn't Ryu tell Yuki he was coming here?" Now he threw a glare at the teary eyed Ryuichi. Ryu's bottom lip quivered more but K gave him a little shake to stop any further histrionics.

"That is something that I would like to find out too," he said. "So, Ryu," he made Ryuichi focus back on him, "Are you going to tell us just what you are up to?"

For a moment more tears dribbled down Ryuichi's face and he brought Kumagoro up to wipe them away in a very childlike gesture. However, when the damp toy was removed from his face, not only were all traces of the tears gone, but so was the childish expression.

Ryuichi easily slipped from K's grip and stood, walking over to sit more comfortably in a chair by the window, Kumagoro placed carefully on the small table nearby. He crossed his legs and arms and looked calmly back at K and Jim. "Yuki wasn't going to try and fight for Shuichi any longer, so I didn't have any choice. I had to try and get Shuichi to come here to meet him."

"But you knew that Yuki had already left, so what's the point?" K said.

Ryu shrugged, "I couldn't make Yuki stay any longer, and I couldn't tell Shuichi that he was here in case it stopped the boy coming at all. However, I still believed it would serve a purpose."

"What purpose?"

"To see just how much Shuichi might still care for Yuki. Yuki said he didn't remember him, or anything about their relationship. I don't believe that. Somewhere inside him, Shuichi does remember. I wanted to see how much we could get to come out."

"So telling him that Yuki was sick, making him run off to the hospital, was a test?" K demanded.

Ryu looked back calmly, "It worked, didn't it? Do you think he would rush off like that if it was just anyone? Someone he didn't truly care for?"

K rubbed his chin, "I guess not," He pursed his lips a little. "You might be right, but that still means that when he gets there he'll find Yuki gone, so your little contrived meeting for the two lovebirds isn't going to happen the way you planned."

"True," Ryuihci agreed, leaning over and picking up Kumagoro and smoothing the damp fur down. "But it will be interesting to see what he does when he gets back, won't it?" He looked up at K with clear eyes and a small smile playing at the corner of his mouth.

"Damn, you're sneaky!" Jim put in, letting out a breath in a whoosh. Ryuichi looked over to him. "Did you stop to think though, how nerve-racking it might be for the kid to just suddenly find out that Yuki was sick like that?"

Ryuichi stood, "Perhaps the shock will do him good." He shrugged, "Who knows? We'll just have to wait and see."

"So all this was just a way to get Shuichi down here, to try and set something up with Yuki?" K asked.

Ryuichi looked over at him, "Of course. If one plan goes astray, it's just a matter of working with whatever opportunities that are presented to you to still get the desired result."

K just stared at him. Ryuichi Sakuma, a man you never knew if he was an angel, or a devil. A man you could trust completely - and yet couldn't trust at all. He was the ultimate paradox of a human being.

"Kumagoro attack!" A pink object flew through the air to smack directly into K's face.

"Ugh!" he let out in surprise, reaching up to remove the item before it became embedded in his mouth.

Ryuichi's face had changed once more, and he let out a loud squeal as he made a flying leap on to the middle of the bed, hard enough that the impact and resulting bounce flung Jim forward from his seat on the edge. He staggered but was unable to get his balance quick enough and landed on his hands and knees.

K stood and held out a helping hand which he accepted. As he gained his feet, he brushed his trousers down and they both turned to view Ryuichi jumping up and down happily in the middle of the large bed, pillows jiggling around with every motion and gradually sliding precariously to the edge, one already falling to the floor. The springs squeaked alarmingly with every bounce and the metallic sound made K wince.

"Kamagoro!" Ryuichi demanded, holding out his arms to where they were standing.

K glanced down at the stuffed toy he still held and considered holding it for ransom to try and squeeze any further confessions out of Ryuichi but quickly gave up the idea. If Ryu wasn't willing to talk, no matter what he did he wouldn't get a thing out of the man. With a sigh, he lobbed the pink rabbit towards its owner, who gleefully snatched it out of the air and hugged it hard to his chest, bouncing even more violently.

"Let's leave him," K suggested, making his way to the door, "He's probably going to play for a while now, and to be honest, I don't want to stay here and listen to that sound any longer."

"I agree," Jim said following him.

They exited the room to see that everyone else had moved from their previous positions, now congregating in small groups and talking. All movement and conversation ceased as they entered though.

"Spooky," Jim observed into the suddenly descended silence. He looked at his watch briefly and his eyes widened. "Shit!" he exclaimed and headed rapidly for the door.

"What's wrong!" K called out, hurrying after him.

"Sorry, but I've got a plane to catch myself. If I miss this one, my boss is going to gut me!"

"You're not staying to meet Shuichi?"

"As much as I wish I could finally meet this kid that's had everyone so worried, I just can't," He flashed a smiled towards everyone in the room. "May be some other time. Say 'hi' to him anyway for me, and tell him I'm real glad he's okay! Gotta motor! See ya, Ryuichi!" The last was shouted out and an answering reply drifted out of the bedroom, "Byyyyyeeeee, Jim!" With a final smile and friendly clap on K's shoulder, Jim disappeared out the door.

I wonder if Tohma had spoken to Jim since then, K wondered throwing a quick glance to where Tohma was speaking to Hiro and Suguru. He chewed absently on his bottom lip as he turned back to watch the outside world flash past the window. Most likely he had so he would have known about everything Ryuichi had done, and that Shuichi was coming back, which would have given him plenty of time to think about things.

So just what has he got planned now that Shuichi's back? K mused.


	34. Chapter 34

**Author:** JadeHeart  
**Fandom:** Gravitation (after the manga/anime finishes)  
**Warnings:** bad language, angst

Author's Note: Yes, we have finally made it to another chapter! I know some people were beginning to despair but give me time! Some of my readers would know that I got a little side-tracked with a couple of other stories, 'Is It Enough?' and 'Reflections', after chapter 34, and then I was off holidaying in Japan for 3 weeks and just returned. So I have been busy!

**Disclaimer: **I do not own the characters in this, they belong to the creators of 'Gravitation'.

Chapter 35

Tohma leant back in his chair, turning sideways to look out the window. He drew a hand across his eyes, willing it to banish the tiredness dragging at him. He had had a late night finalizing some contracts and pouring over the legal ramifications well into the early morning. He tapped his fingers on the edge of his desk, a long-standing habit of his when thinking deeply. A quiet knock at the door made him turn his head in that direction.

"Enter," he called out.

The door opened and Sakano stepped in, files in hand. He crossed the floor to stand directly before the desk, automatically pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose.

Tohma raised a hand to hide his smile. That gesture was nothing more than a habit, just as his finger tapping was. Sakano's eyesight actually wasn't that bad and, if he wanted to, he didn't necessarily have to wear his glasses all the time at all. Once, after a couple of drinks, Sakano had finally admitted that he began wearing them permanently so he would look older as so many people thought he was more youthful than his years. Not surprising really. Tohma agreed with them entirely. Sakano's lean physique, coupled with his unlined and unblemished skin did make him look quite young still. Tohma had had to contend with that sort of thinking for most of his business years, and still did. It could be very tiresome to feel that you were constantly having to justify your abilities based on someone else's perception of your age. To combat this, he had developed an aloof, all-knowing demeanor with an iron will to support it. Sakano, being a far gentler and mild-mannered person, wore glasses and groveled abjectly to everyone, and for everything. Both were merely mechanisms to get by in their world.

"Mr. President, you wanted to be told when Shindou arrived. He's in Studio One at present."

"Ah, yes," Tohma swiveled his chair around fully so he was facing Sakano. "And how is he today?"

Another push of the glasses. "He seems in good spirits. I would almost hazard to say he was well and truly back to normal."

"Hmm," Tohma smiled up at Sakano. "Well, let me know how the day progresses for him."

"Yes, sir." Sakano bowed and hurried from the room, quietly closing the door behind him.

Tohma turned his chair again, once more returning his contemplation to the outside view. Today was the first day for Shindou to actually be recording. He had been coming to NG Productions for the past two weeks to work with the band, practicing his vocals, trying to get a 'feel' for the band and their music again. During this time, his relationship with Nakano and Fujisaki had deepened also so now, when watching the three together, no-one would think they had not been close friends for some time. Even the bickering between Shindou and Fujisaki seemed completely natural and normal.

Tohma had been able to observe these interactions quietly at various times during the course of the last fortnight; watching from a distance, often behind the glass of the recording studios, unobtrusively standing in a corner when the antics inevitably ensued. You couldn't not put that mix of personalities together in the same room without something happening. Even he had to smile when the antics turned to the completely bizarre, with numerous firearms appearing as K threatened bodily harm, Sakano swam in a puddle of tears on the floor, Suguru slumped over his synthesizer and moaned in despair, whilst Nakano smiled calmly at the site of Shindou attempting to replicate Swan Lake's ballet to the beat of 'Spicy Marmalade'. He shook his head at the memory. How they managed to be the biggest selling product for NG was almost beyond comprehension when you saw all that going on!

Yet it had seemed to him, as he had watched over the last few weeks, that Shindou was responding far more naturally to all the group, including both Sakano and K. It appeared that the young man had finally accepted, and become far more comfortable, with being 'Shuichi Shindou'.

However, today would be the real test. Could Shuichi Shindou still perform at the same peak he had previously as the lead singer of Bad Luck? Today would be very telling. Today could determine if Bad Luck remained with NG Productions or would it be out. If Shindou could no longer perform, if his voice could no longer produce those exceptional vocals, there was more serious consideration to be undertaken.

There were options. Tohma Seguchi always believed in options. If Shindou was still an adequate lyricists then he could perhaps be kept on in that capacity and a suitable lead singer could be found to replace him. In those circumstances, then Bad Luck had a chance of continuing. Even without Shindou as the singer they still potentially had the chance of maintaining their fan-base for some time to come. If a new singer could then prove to be as popular as Shindou had been, the fan base would continue and possibly a new one develop. It had some possibilities, but here were a great many variables also. Tohma didn't like variables, he liked certainties.

He rubbed his eyes again. However, that was beside the point at this stage. They had to get through today first.

He glanced at the phone on the desk. He had been wondering if he should call Eiri and invite him to the studio to see Shindou recording. He thought it might do him good to get out of the house, to have a change of scenery. He had been cooped up inside since his return to Japan nearly six weeks ago. Tohma was well aware that his brother-in-law had immediately thrown himself back into work; out of necessity and, he suspected, a desire to keep as busy as possible so as not to think about a certain someone.

He sighed. Eiri still ran away when he was bothered, still buried his emotions in self-imposed exile when he was hurting the most. No matter how far it seemed he had come through his relationship with Shindou, it seemed that some things just don't change.

He frowned, still staring at the phone. Should he? He pursed his lips and reluctantly looked away. No, there was no point asking Eiri to come. He already knew what the answer would be – a sharp, emphatic 'NO!'. Much like when he had called to tell him when Shindou and the others were flying back into Japan. He had invited him to join them at the airport to welcome them back. The answer had been the same then.

Tohma pushed back the chair and stood, moving to stand directly before the window. He closed his eyes for a moment, tilting his head back, feeling the warmth of the sun on his face. It was soothing, almost like a gentle caress across his cheek.

A soft smile curved his lips. It reminded him of Mika's touch. She would be cross with him for staying out all night again. His smile deepened as he opened his eyes and blinked a little in the bright sunlight. She would scold him when he returned home and berate him for his thoughtlessness and his carelessness for his own health, and then promptly draw him a hot bath and give him a wonderful massage. He sighed happily. Oh, yes, he was looking forward to getting home today. Perhaps he would be able to get away a little earlier. Mika's massages really were worth dying for, and if he was home earlier enough he would be able to reciprocate. Mika's weak spot was her feet, something he was sure no-one else knew, not even Eiri. She just melted with a good foot rub and he just loved seeing her like that. The look of beautification on her face at the ecstasy she was feeling just sent tingles all through his body, especially to his groin. Seeing her like that just made him love her all the more, even after all this time. He took a deep breath. He would have to endeavor to do his best to clear his schedule today. He wanted to get home!

He turned his back on the window, resolutely dragging his mind away from the wonderful images of his beautiful wife in the throes of passion, to try and concentrate on the problems at hand. Namely Shuichi Shindou. And Eiri.

Eiri was defiantly avoiding Shindou, there was no mistaking that and Tohma wasn't quite certain what to do about it. He had let Shindou go directly home with his family after he had arrived back in Japan, allowing him two weeks in that comforting presence, reestablishing that bond. It had seemed to be beneficial as the youth had seemed far more relaxed and his memories of his childhood and school years had seemed to come back to him almost fully after that time. He had admitted that there still were some gaps but these seemed to be decreasing every day. Upon his return to NG Productions he had seemed much more like himself; a little more of the previous manic personality beginning to show through, though it was slightly less than before, thank goodness. That was the one single grace from his ordeal as far as Tohma was concerned!

However Shindou did seem to be much more like himself now than when he had first arrived. He knew that Nakano and Fujisaki had spent a considerable amount of time staying with him in the apartment they had set up, helping him settle in, keeping him company. Sakano had reported that he didn't appear to find the flat strange in any way, and with some of his familiar items like clothes and personal effects there, he had accepted it as his own. The support of his band-mates probably helped cement that feeling.

So everything had been going quite smoothly during the transition of Shuichi Shindou back into the person he once was. There had only been that one incident.

His eyes narrowed in remembered anger. Unfortunately Shindou had recalled his… misfortune with Aizawa.

Tohma remembered the cold feeling that had crashed over him when Suguru had burst through his door, without knocking, forcefully enough to send the heavy door crashing back against the wall, gasping out that Shindou was having a breakdown.

Standing there, bent over, hands on knees, breathing heavily between each word, Suguru explained that they had been watching Bad Luck's first performance as the supporting act for Ask, when Shindou had looked like he had seen a ghost and fled the room.

Immediately Tohma guessed what Shindou had remembered. He cursed himself then for being such a fool, something he was not used to thinking of himself. It had been at his suggestion that Shindou watch those tapes, it was he who had led him down that path. Even as he berated himself for not thinking things through properly, for not realizing what such a thing could do, he was detouring to the coat closet near the door, snagging a blanket from the shelf inside, and ignoring the rain of hats that fell around his feet, hurried out the door, his cousin at his heels.

He didn't run. Tohma Seguchi did not run anywhere, ever, but he did lengthen his stride, and for all his short stature, his legs were long and he covered the distance in a ground-eating stride that had Suguru jogging to keep up. Nobody stopped him. The fixed looked on his face more than told anyone who looked that now would not be a good time to disturb the President, and personnel melted from his path as he swept past them.

They soon arrived at the floor Suguru had only recently left. A quick glance through the open lounge door showed K standing by the window, polishing his gun with forceful motions, and Sakano sitting huddled on the couch wringing his hands. They both looked up as he moved past the door but he didn't stop and soon left them behind. He paused outside the lavatory door and turned to his cousin, giving him precise instructions to keep everyone away from this floor and to clear the area. He then turned and pushed through the door knowing he could trust Suguru to carry out his task to the letter.

He remembered clearly the scene he had come across as he had walked into the bathroom. Shindou was curled tightly in a ball almost entirely in Nakano's lap, the older youth holding him tightly. Nakano had looked up as he had entered, his eyes haunted and pained for the hurt his friend was experiencing. Tohama saw his arms tighten protectively around Shindou as though daring him to do anything. He had no intention of doing anything to the wounded creature before him. He had walked past the evidence of Shindou's breakdown on the floor and tightly wrapped the blanket around the shivering form.

He had looked Nakano in the eye and said, "Take him home.", then stood and left to give them some privacy. Shindou would not appreciate learning later that his breakdown had been witnessed by others so the fewer people involved the better. Nakano was the best person to help him through this time and he had done just that. It had been extremely fortunate in one way that this cascade of memories had occurred at work with his best friend close at hand to help. It might have been a lot worse if it had occurred whilst Shindou was alone at his apartment with no support. Tohma didn't like to think what could have happened then.

It had taken some time for Shindou to work through those memories, but he had managed to do so and eventually he had been able to put it in a little more perspective, though the emotional ramifications would be likely to continue to surface for some time yet. The recall of those memories meant it was very much like he was re-living that whole sordid time all over again, with the full emotional overload to go with it. Tohma would not wish that on anyone. He, of all people, was only too well aware of the far-reaching effects of such an event.

He sighed softly, stretching his arms upwards, feeling the shoulder joints pop loudly. Ahhh! He dropped his arms feeling better.

He still didn't know what to do about those two. With Eiri avoiding Shindou the way he was, he didn't know if he should take more obvious steps to bring them together. It sometimes seemed that the Fates were conspiring against these two. No matter what he, Jim, Shindou's family and friends, even Ryuichi did, the two of them seemed destined to remain apart.

Tohma's lips thinned. He was not one to accept 'destiny' lying down. He was used to 'shaping' destiny to suit his purposes! It was a problem he would have to consider more carefully before deciding on a course of action.

He turned and reseated himself, opening the file on his desk. There was still work to do and his schedule was full. The President bent to his tasks for the day. He really wanted that massage!

Shuichi shuddered a little as the rain struck him coldly, the large drops falling with enough force as to almost hurt when they hit. He ran up the path through the downpour berating himself for not having an umbrella or a thicker sweater on but this morning the sky had been clear and he hadn't been expecting the weather to come in so quickly. His mad dash quickly brought him under cover at the front door before he was more than a little wet from the rain and he stepped inside his apartment thankfully, shaking his head like a dog so that droplets of water spun outwards to fall to the floor.

He dropped his bag and kicked off his shoes in the hall and immediately went and threw himself prone on the couch with a heartfelt sigh, for the moment ignoring the dampness of his clothes.

He looked around his apartment. It was neat and tidy - if you didn't go into the bedroom! THAT resembled something like a refuse dumping ground! You probably wouldn't want to look too closely, as it could be quite scary as to what you might find! He wasn't a naturally slovenly person, but he just found that the bedroom was where he tended to spend most of his time and it was easier to just leave everything where he left it than try to put it away properly each time. So things just seemed to…accumulate from there.

He surveyed his abode, a small possessive smile on his face. He liked this place. Okay it was small, but he hardly needed anything bigger, not when it was just for himself. There was still plenty of room if Hiro or Suguru decided to stay over for the night as they had done so at times. His smile broadened and he chuckled at the memory that came to him. The last time his two band-mates had come over they had got into a drinking competition. Let's just say, Suguru wasn't feeling too well the next morning! A laugh escaped him. Oh, yes, it had been so funny. He hadn't been so foolish as to join them. One thing he had remembered only too well was that he did not hold his liquor well, and Hiro certainly did. He wasn't going to fall for that one! Suguru really should have known better!

He stretched both arms and legs fully, feeling the muscles tighten, then relax as he settled back again. He felt comfortable in this apartment, but it still seemed odd to him that he actually couldn't seem to remember it. Some of the items in it he could, but he pictured them somewhere different. He now knew that some of those memories were of the items when he was still living at home but it seemed that they had been…somewhere else. He sighed softly. He had probably moved around a few times before settling here. Besides, it didn't really matter. They were just things.

He gazed towards the kitchen. He really wanted a coffee, a nice hot milky coffee. And a shower. Just as hot, though he would pass on the milky bit. Cleopatra may have liked bathing in milk for her complexion but he didn't think he needed to go to those lengths just yet! His brow furrowed. Surely the milk would curdle if the bath was hot? Yuk, as he thought of the milk skim clinging around him. He shuddered. How gross!

He could see the coffee machine on the bench, beckoning him. He looked at it with puppy-dog eyes but it didn't magically obey his wish and begin to boil. He sighed again. How inconsiderate. He would actually have to get up and do it himself.

He sat up and swung his legs off the couch to stand and dragged himself towards his goal. He leant on the bench, listening to the quiet burbling of the coffee machine at work. It was a very soothing sound really. He glanced over towards where one of his game sets lay on the floor. He contemplated the idea for a moment but then dismissed it just as quickly. He didn't feel like playing anything just now. No, a coffee and a hot shower would suit him fine.

He sighed again, nestling his head further on his folded arms. He did like his apartment but he couldn't help but feel….. lonely sometimes. It seemed that there should be….someone else here. Every time he walked in the door he always seemed to expect someone to be waiting for him. He had thought at first that it was due to the fact that he had been living with Annette so some time, but that didn't seem right somehow. He didn't miss the feminine touches around the place – Annette would have been horrified at the state of his bedroom for one thing and would have promptly set about putting it to rights! That thought made him chuckle. No, it wasn't that distinct touch that Annette had put on things. In fact, for some reason, he kept on expecting the aroma of smoke and beer. Two things that Annette had never touched.

Perhaps that was from his time spent with Eiri Yuki. An image of the man flashed before him – tall, blond hair, hazel eyes that could pierce right through you. He could picture him clearly, sitting in his study, hunched over his lap top, typing, glasses on his nose. Now why did he picture glasses? He had never seen Yuki wear them when they met in Canada. He half smiled. It must be another memory. Everyone had confirmed that he and Yuki had lived together, so he guessed that is where he had seen the man like that. And he knew he smoked and drank. He sniffed the air, half expecting to smell the cigarettes. It made him feel almost nostalgic. Was he actually…missing it?

He hadn't seen Yuki since returning to Japan more than six weeks ago. The day after he had returned home, Tohma Seguchi had called him to see if he had settled in and if there was anything he had needed. It had taken all his courage to ask him if Yuki had arrived home safely and if he was better now. That thought had been worrying him constantly, so much so that he had seemed to have had a permanent headache since learning of Yuki's collapse in New York. Tohma had assured him though that Yuki was fine and there was no need to worry. He didn't elaborate any further, and Shuichi didn't enquire any more. It hadn't seemed like his place to pry into Yuki's private life although he couldn't stop a part of him wanting desperately to know more. He had wanted to see for himself that Yuki was okay, feeling that just by being able to see the man again would lift this worrying weight from his shoulders, but he didn't know how to ask Tohma if he could do so. It had seemed far to presumptuous of him to ask for Yuki's address or number so he had clamped down on that thought and remained silent.

He glanced at the crumpled card on the corner of the bench. It had a scrawled number on it, partially faded now. It was the number that Yuki had given to him, back in Quebec. He had wanted to call it so many times, but every time he had picked up the phone to do so his courage had fled him and he had hung up. He really didn't have anything specific to speak to the man about. He would just be bothering him for now reason. He sighed. He was such a coward.

He had returned to his apartment here a couple of weeks later and taken the time to become re-accustomed to everything. It had been an odd feeling arriving here. Hiro had come with him to give some moral support for which he was grateful. He had felt a flood of trepidation as he had walked through the door that first time, as though he didn't know quite what to expect.

However, it all proved to be quite anti-climatic. His apartment was quite ordinary, nothing garish or strange, no chains hanging from the ceiling or handcuffs in the bedroom, or anything else that was bizarre.

When he had spotted his game consoles he couldn't stop the crow of delight as he made a bee-line directly towards it, fingers automatically flying over the switches, turning it on and starting up the game immediately. Hiro had just laughed at him and sat cross-legged on the floor by his side, picking up the other hand set and they had comfortably settled in for an all-nighter. He had felt quite at home after that.

It was like that when he had first returned home with his family as well. So many things came back to him from the moment that they pulled up in front of the family house. Maiko had grabbed his hand and dragged him through every room before ending up in his old bedroom. It was very neat as it was now reserved as a guest room for visitors. Maiko shuffled her feet a little as she explained that he hadn't been living at home for a number of years and most of his things he had taken with him when he moved out of home. Maiko assured him that the few remaining items left behind had been boxed up and stored safely and that they hadn't thrown anything away.

Maiko looked around the room and Shuichi could see her eyes mist up.

"It can't be much fun for you to come home and see it like this," she had said a little brokenly. "Sorry."

He was amazed. Maiko was actually apologizing for the fact that the room hadn't been left as his. He laughed at her and reached out to give her a hug.

"Don't be silly! What an idiot you are for thinking such a thing. Why should it still be my room if I'm not even living here?"

"You still come and visit sometimes though!" Maiko said suddenly, turning towards him quickly, holding his arms. "You do, and you stay here still! You'll still do that, won't you?"

He smiled at her warmly, "Of course I will, stupid."

He heard her soft sigh. "I'm glad!"

Suddenly a thought came to him and he walked to the closet, sliding the doors open. He peered into the dark depths, his nose twitching at the strong smell of camphor. He began to laugh. Sure enough, there on the underneath of the top shelf was a poster of Nittle Grasper pasted to the underside.

"What?" Maiko asked, coming closer and looking inside also. "Oh!" Her eyes widened and smile spread across her face. He laughed harder at her expression. "I had no idea that was there, and I even helped Mum clean up and redecorate in here!" She turned to look at her smiling brother. "Mum couldn't have seen it either!"

Shuichi looked fondly back at the poster. "Mum didn't like me putting up too many posters on the walls because she said they would damage them but I had this special signed one from the last concert I had gone to and I really wanted to have it up somewhere that I could see it. So," he nodded towards the inside of the closet. "That was the only place left for me to put it. In there I could see it every day when I changed my clothes!"

"I can get it off for you," Maiko offered. "so you can take it back with you."

"Nah," he said, reaching out to slide the door closed again. He turned to his sister with a wink and a smile. "Let's leave it here. I wonder how long it will take before Mum does find it!"

Maiko grinned back at him. "Okay, it's our secret!"

He held out his hand. "Pinky promise?"

She smiled impishly and linked her finger with his. "Pinky promise!" she said, and they shook on it.

Those couple of weeks with his family had been wonderful. He had walked through the familiar streets, gone back to his old school, met people and relatives from his past. Everything he did was new and exciting, and yet old and familiar at the same time. Even having an argument with Maiko nearly made him cry with joy.

When he had received the call from Tohma Seguchi at the end of the fortnight asking him if he was willing to return to NG Productions, he had felt more than ready to do so. During the time with his family he had found himself singing and playing his old synthesizer, that he had dug out of storage, more and more and his nerves had felt like they were buzzing at the thought of being back in the studio and recording again. He really did want to be in Bad Luck!

So upon his return to town he had found himself so busy with getting back with the band and working long hours at the studio that he had had little time to do much else. His entire world revolved around his music at this time.

However, in the back of his mind there were still thoughts of Yuki. He had kept hoping that he would run into him at the studio perhaps as Tohma was his brother-in-law, but so far he hadn't seen the man once. He really did want to see him again; to know that he was all right, to thank him for coming to find him. He wanted to talk to him about the time they had lived together; what did they do, what did they talk about. His mind was remaining frustratingly blank on that time no matter how much he tried to compel it to recall something…anything! He just really wanted to know!

He had thought again and again about approaching Yuki, but he couldn't help but wonder if maybe he didn't want to see him. He didn't have the right to impose on the man further. Perhaps Yuki felt that he had done his job of finding Shuichi and that was it. He kept hoping that Yuki would phone him, or make some effort to contact him but there had been nothing. Not a word.

He sighed as he poured the coffee and walked back to the couch. He took a sip and sucked in some air as the hot liquid scalded his tongue. Ouch, that hurt! He carefully put the mug onto the table before him and lay back down on the couch. He would let it cool a little more.

He wriggled his shoulders to get more comfortable, shifting a cushion under his head for more support. Work had been really hard over the past month, for all of them. Everyone at NG Productions involved with Bad Luck was working as hard as he was. There was so much that he needed to do, he had to try so hard to reach that pinnacle he achieved previously as the lead singer of Bad Luck.

He took up swimming, every day going to the pool both morning and evening. The swimming helped with his breath control and building up the muscle strength in his torso and lungs. He had felt like he was drowning the first lap he did. Hiro informed him that he had seriously considered diving in to rescue him he looked so bad. He had improved tremendously since then and now enjoyed those couple of hours each day. It was a relaxing way to end a day also, to let the whole body be buoyed by the water, taking the strain away after being on his feet for so many hours.

So he continued working – damn hard. He had spent long hours on vocal lessons, going over the exercises monotonously. It may have been boring but he was only too well aware that his vocal chords were unused to the strain after the long hiatus. He may have done some singing whilst in America but he hadn't been trying to reach the heights he was aiming for now. And if he didn't retrain his voice properly he could do some real, and permanent, damage. If he was impatient he could end his career before it had even begun. So he was going to do this properly and he was going to do it right, no matter how long it took or how hard it was. He wasn't going to let anyone down by not giving it his all. But more importantly, he wasn't going to let himself down!

Today they had continued in the recording studio as they had been for the past few weeks. He had sung and sung, over and over, until he had finally felt satisfied he was singing to the same level as he had before. It had been truly helpful to be able to listen to his previous recordings and compare the sound from then to how he sounded now. The others had said they couldn't tell much difference towards the end of the session but he could and, judging from the final acknowledging nod from Tohma, who had been standing in for most of the session, he could also.

That brief nod had made him feel better immediately. He knew that he and Tohma Seguchi hadn't always got along. Some of his memories that had been returning had put Tohma in a particularly unpleasant light, but he also did acknowledge that when it came to music Tohma had an 'ear' for the best.

He reached out and picked up his coffee, taking a cautious sip, and then a larger swallow as it no longer burnt his mouth. Ah, yes, caffeine! One of the world's greatest inventions – along with Pocky!

Tohma Seguchi, what a man. Part of Nittle Grasper, one of the most successful bands in Japanese pop culture, President of NG Productions, a shrewd businessman – and a complete asshole!

Shuichi frowned darkly. He never knew if he liked him or hated him. Tohma seemed to be one of those people that you loved to hate. Though he honestly didn't know if he wanted Tohma out of his life. Sometimes he knew that he thought that, but really…? How would he really feel if Tohma wasn't there? The thought just didn't even compute in his brain. Tohma was a permanent fixture in his life. He valued the man's opinion, not that he always agreed with it, and as much as he hated to admit it, most of the time Tohma was right. It was an extremely irritating habit he had!

As more of his memories of NG Productions returned he had confronted Tohma over some of them, not certain if they really were true or not. He had found him completely forthright, blunt and to the point when answering his demanding questions. Tohma had held nothing back, acknowledging everything Shuichi had said, even if it did seem to paint himself in a bad light. That blunt honesty had actually been comforting in a way. Tohma Seguchi was the one person who didn't try and mollycoddle him, or treat him like spun glass as though he was too brittle to touch. He knew that his friends and family were only thinking of his well-being and not wanting to shock him about anything, but he was beginning to find this care frustrating. He just wanted to know, he didn't need protecting any longer! Tohma…well, if he asked Tohma a question, Tohma would give him an honest answer with no procrastination. It was refreshing.

However, he still felt like Tohma was waiting for him to ask something else, a certain specific question that he was waiting to give the answer to. He could see it in the man's eyes, that waiting, when he looked at him over his steepled hands as he sat behind his large desk, but he didn't know what the question was that he was supposed to ask. It was a nagging feeling that he was missing some vital information but he just didn't know what it was that he was missing! Without the right question he knew Tohma wouldn't give him the answer.

With a sigh he rolled onto his side. Yes, today had been tiring but it had been good as well. He was happy with the outcome and it seemed that Bad Luck was back in business from what Tohma had indicated. K and Sakano had been nearly beside themselves with glee. He still found those two quite incomprehensible most of the time. They were the oddest couple he had ever come across and yet they seemed to …go together. For all their differences, both in personalities and style of business, they seemed to be able to work in perfect tandem to eventually get what needed to be done, done. Sometimes it would seem that a miracle would be needed to accomplish what they were trying to do, but those two still somehow managed to pull it off.

Whenever he thought of the two of them it always brought a smile to his face, just as it did now, feeling his lips twitch. He had needed that comic interplay around him after learning about…

He wrapped his arms around himself, his knees automatically drawing closer to his chest. He tried to fight the reaction, tried to calm his rapidly beating heart. Deep breaths, he told himself. Take deep slow breaths. He wouldn't let it beat him! He had been almost catatonic as the cascade of memories overflowed in his mind when it had happened. Not this time!

Unable to prevent it he recalled how it had happened. One moment he was watching a video tape of their first concert so he could see what Bad Luck had been like at the start. The next...

The next he had been doubled over in a cold sweat, shaking so hard his bones ached, gagging as he fled to the bathroom to be violently ill. He didn't make it to the toilet stall, he didn't make it to the basin even. He had fallen to his knees on the floor and threw up, retching until there was nothing left in his stomach.

Hiro had followed and found him, huddled on the cold tile floor in a corner, shaking and weeping, a fever burning through his soul. It was Hiro who had held him, rocking him like a baby, holding him close to his chest, speaking soothingly as he howled silently into his friend's broad chest.

He had clung to that warmth desperately, trying to dispel the coldness that froze his very heart, letting Hiro's words wash over him, although at first he couldn't even comprehend the words being spoken. Through his hysterical sobs and cries and garbled speech, Hiro had held him, tried to calm him and assure him that it wasn't his fault, it never had been his fault, and everything would be all right.

It was there that Tohma came to them. He remembered that, remembered seeing the man through his tears. He was too upset to feel embarrassed about the President of NG Productions seeing him in such a state. He didn't care in the least. He couldn't even feel surprise as the man had knelt by his side and gently wrapped a blanket around his body, saying nothing. He was far too traumatized to wonder about Tohma's presence at that time. Later he realized that someone must have told him - he didn't know who.

He hardly remembered Hiro taking him home, helping him into a shower, putting him to bed. It had taken Hiro all night to finally calm him down enough for him to fall into an exhausted sleep in the early hours of the next morning. His friend had sat up all night talking to him, clarifying every harsh brutal image that his mind was showing him, every emotion that was trying to tear him apart. Hiro kept talking, putting it in perspective, telling him the history behind what had happened, the 'why's'.

Though even now, he couldn't understand the 'why'. Why had Taki really needed to do that? He could understand the need to be the best, that drive, that desire to be the one on top. But to get there at the expense of another's hurt? To not want to just beat the competition but to completely destroy? That he couldn't understand at all.

He let out a shaky breathe, calming down a little. It still affected him, but Hiro had been right, it wasn't as bad anymore. He probably had previously worked through it all so perhaps that was helping give him some balance.

He looked at the clock. It was too late to call Annette again. He felt a little guilty. He hadn't spoken to her for nearly more than two weeks. He had called as soon as he arrived as promised and she had already retuned to their home in Quebec. He had made a point of calling her every couple of days, telling her of his days, things he had done with his family and all his new memories. She had been really pleased for him. He had wished her luck as her exams were beginning at that time. He smiled fondly. He knew that she would do well.

She's probably busy and tied right now, he thought. She doesn't need me bothering her at the moment.

Also, and he had to be brutally honest with himself, he didn't want to speak to her at the moment. Not after remembering…well, that. How could he tell her about what had happened to him before? What could he say to her? Would she understand? Would she be able to look at him the same?

He sighed again, and rolled onto his back once more. He was beginning to feel a little chilled as the dampness of his clothes reached his skin. He had better get into a shower now before he caught a cold. That would really stuff up his voice, and, boy, would Tohma be mad!

He had wondered if Yuki knew about that...incident. That had really bothered him at the time, so much so that he had finally blurted out his concern to Hiro whilst crying on his shoulder. He didn't know why Yuki had come so immediately to mind when he was literally having a mental breakdown. He still couldn't understand why it had been so important to him to know the answer right then and there. He remembered feeling so afraid that Yuki would feel nothing but contempt for him at letting such a thing happen to him self. That Yuki would hate him now that he had been so degraded.

Hiro had firmly grabbed him by the shoulders and shook him until he stopped babbling and told him, yes, Yuki knew about it, but he understood. Hiro told him that it was Yuki who had protected him afterwards, confronting Taki and retrieving the incriminating film. He had slumped in relief as Hiro had stroked his hair and told him that Yuki didn't blame him, or hate him, or think anything less of him because of it. He had continued to weep but some of those tears were ones of relief at hearing those words.

He remembered thinking over and over in his mind how wonderful it was that Yuki had done that for him. He had been so overwhelmed by the feelings of gratitude that there was someone who would go to those lengths for him. It had warmed his very soul and relieved his mind a little. He knew that he couldn't have faced Yuki again, knowing now what he did, if he also wasn't aware of it. He wouldn't have been able to look at that beautiful face feeling so dirty and defiled. That Yuki had been with him through that time, that he understood and had still stood by him, that meant so very much to him.

He sat up and drank the last of the almost cold coffee, screwing up his nose a little at the bitterness. Time for that shower, and made his way to the bathroom. The next few weeks were going to be just as busy. Tohma had already handed him his notebooks where he would scribble his lyrics and informed him that they were the ones that he had been working on for the next album and they really couldn't delay much longer in putting out the next CD. Shuichi remembered that magnanimous smile that Tohma always wore as he told him that he had better start getting to work now. He had really wanted to wipe that smile off Tohma's face, but instead all he had done was take the books with a pout.

He stepped under the hot stream of water, an involuntary shudder of pleasure at the warmth rippling his muscles. Ahh, nice! Yes, it looked like he was going to be really busy.


	35. Chapter 35

**Author:** JadeHeart  
**Fandom:** Gravitation (after the manga finishes)  
**Warnings:** bad language, angst  
**Author's Notes: It is great to see some readers previously from AFF – nice to have you here. **

**Disclaimer: **I do not own the characters in this, they belong to the creators of 'Gravitation', except for Jim Harris.

The Key to My Heart: Chapter 36

He pushed the door open with his shoulder as his hands were full, using his foot to kick it shut behind him. Toeing off his shoes, he went straight to the kitchen to divest himself of his load. His precious cargo was settled carefully on the bench. He didn't want it disturbed too much. He opened the fridge and laid the contents inside the almost empty space. Now it didn't look quite so bare, filled with the essentials in life. Beer and strawberry shortcake, that was much better.

He closed the door and turned to the coffee machine, then shrugged out of his jacket, leaving the coffee to brew as he walked back to hang his coat in the hall. He hadn't bothered getting any further groceries. He hadn't really felt like cooking since he had returned. If he did decide to eat anything, other than a liquid diet, he would order take-away and generally have it delivered so as to avoid even having to leave the house. He didn't like having to go out.

He made his way back to the kitchen, propping himself against the sink as he cracked open a can and drank the beer. By the time the coffee was ready he would have finished this can. He felt a stab of pain through his stomach and winced, one hand automatically resting on the aching portion of his body. He took a deep breath until the pain subsided, before letting it go in a long exhalation. Damn, it was starting again.

He turned his head to glare at the tiny bottles lined up in a row on the bench top like little soldiers in battle formation. Well, in a way they were just that. Soldiers to fight against the ulcer eating away at his insides. Though sometimes he wasn't too certain who was winning. At this point in time there seemed to be a parley underway. If all went well both parties would retreat and peace would reign. If it didn't go smoothly…Well, he could see that he would probably be having a close encounter with the hospital once more. And then have to put up with the incessant mothering of Tohma, and Mika. Since the birth of Mika's child she had become so damn clucky and was already talking of having another. However, until she produced another rug-rat, her mothering instincts had seemed focused back on Yuki. Between her and Tohma they were driving him quite mad!

With a long-suffering sigh, he reached out and picked up the first of the bottles and tipped the small pill into his hand. He glared at it but that didn't make it go away, nor did it cringe in terror at his glance. No respect. Another sigh and he reached out to methodically go through the rest of the bottles until his cupped hand has sprayed with multi-coloured dots. Taking a deep breath he tossed them all into his mouth and washed them down with two large swallows of beer. He knew perfectly well that he shouldn't be using alcohol to do that, and that he was ignoring some of the warnings on the labels that certain ones should only be taken with food, or before food, or after food, but he was beyond caring. He would have his coffee, have some cake, throw up later, and sleep. They should do their fucking job without any additional help from him!

The coffee was ready and he poured a cup. Picking it up, he dropped his empty beer can in the bin as he passed by, and made his way to his study. He still had work to do. He had just taken a brief respite from it by his trip to the store for much needed suppliers. He leant back in his chair closing his eyes as he brought the coffee cup closer to his face. He inhaled deeply to savour the aroma. Hmm, lovely. Keeping his eyes closed he took the first sip and felt himself relax. He was so tense lately. He knew that time was ticking away on his deadline but it's not like that hadn't happened before. It seemed that he just couldn't seem to relax – ever.

He opened his eyes, looking inwards, automatically taking another sip. It had been two months. Two long months since he had returned home to Japan. Returned home alone.

He had been glad to leave North America. Glad to leave all the horrific memories and heartache associated with that continent behind. As he had stepped onto the plane, a wave of tremendous relief had flooded through him. He was going home. Finally.

He had even managed to sleep on the flight, something that he never usually did. Perhaps it would have seemed strange to some people that he would have been so relaxed flying after all that had happened in those past six months. Especially considering how the whole mess had started. But there were no thoughts of crashes, no thoughts of death and dying and loss - there was just relief.

He had felt so relieved to be able to head home to familiar surroundings, back to the country of his birth. He was eager to hear his native tongue spoken once more, to walk in the park, to see the flickering lights of his city. He was looking forward to returning to his own apartment, to be able to walk through the rooms, touch his own things, know exactly where to find everything, and to wake up in his own bed.

Jim had dropped him off at the airport as he had promised. He hadn't said much to the man on the drive out or as they stood there facing each other for a moment before Yuki had to pass through the final doors.

Jim cocked his head to one side and smiled crookedly at him, "Things don't always work out how we would have liked, do they?"

Yuki had caught the edge of pain in those words. Yes, it would seem that Jim understood only too well. He never had found out how Jim and Tohma knew each other. It was probably going to be something he would never know.

Jim thrust out his hand to him which Yuki automatically took. He felt something hard in the grasp; small, cold, metallic. As their grip parted he looked at the object in the palm of his hand. It was the silver lighter, the one that Jim had provided to him each time they had met. He looked up at Jim's smiling face.

"Take it," he said. "I've given up remember?" Jim glanced down at the lighter and Yuki saw a flash of pain flicker across his features and then it was gone just as quickly. "It's part of my past now." He shrugged. "It may as well be with someone who is actually going to put it to the use it was meant for!"

"Thanks," Yuki replied as he pocketed it. He looked back up as Jim dropped a hand to his shoulder.

"Don't give up so easily. Even when it seems that all is lost you can't just give up. You have to continue to believe and hope until you know there is none left." He removed his hand and stepped back again. "Anyway, that's what I believe."

"Did you continue to believe?" Yuki asked.

Jim was silent for a moment and then a very sad smile crossed his face. "Right to the very end." he answered in an almost whisper.

The two men stood there for a moment in silence. Then a bright smile creased Jim's face and banished the sadness. "You'd better go. Tohma will kill me if you miss your plane and don't turn up!"

"I gather he'll be waiting?" Yuki asked with a grimace.

Jim laughed, "Of course, you can't expect anything less! Catch you around, Yuki." and with a cheery salute Jim turned and walked away. Yuki watched after his departing back, his hand in his pocket rubbing the lighter resting there. Keep believing and hoping?

He turned away. Hope was for fools.

Jim had been correct, and as he had stepped off the plane the first face he saw was Tohma's. It wasn't that Tohma was right at the front, or that there weren't many other people there, it was simply as though Yuki was almost conditioned to look just for him, knowing, always knowing, that Tohma would be there - no matter what. And he always was.

Tohma had smiled in greeting, and walked by Yuki's side as they made their way to his car. "I'm glad to see you looking a little better than I had expected. The medication must be working."

Yuki threw a side glance towards Tohma as he drove. "You've been talking to Jim."

"And Ryuichi," Tohma admitted. Tohma always told him the truth. He never tried to evade his questions. Well, almost never. In some ways that could be bad. Tohma's honest answers were sometimes far more frightening and disturbing than any lie he could have told. Yuki turned to look out the window, watching the night scenery.

"I have made you an appointment with your regular doctor for first thing tomorrow morning. I know you aren't a morning person generally and you will no doubt still be tired, but I thought it would be better to get it over and done with so they can ensure you are on the correct medication. You will make certain to take your medication as you are supposed to, won't you?"

Yuki was tempted to snap back and tell Tohma to mind his own fucking business, but he just didn't have the energy to do so. Instead he just grunted.

"Ah, Eiri,"

He could hear the smile in Tohma's voice even without turning to look at him.

They pulled up outside his apartment. He looked up at the windows, seeing all in darkness. What did he expect, for the lights to be on? For someone to be there? The only person that was likely to be there under these circumstances would be a thief and he hardly thought they would be putting the lights on to announce their intentions. He opened his door and reached into the back to drag out his bag.

Tohma leant across from the driver's side, "Do you want me to come in?"

Yuki turned in surprise. Tohma was asking him? He had just been expecting Tohma to be his usual pushy self and insist on coming with him no matter how much he protested. Instead he was asking if Yuki wanted him to come? He felt completely thrown by the unexpectedness of this as his mind hurriedly processed the thought. He glanced up again at the dark windows and opened his mouth to say, yes, he wanted Tohma to accompany him, but then he closed it with a snap. No, he didn't want to have anyone else with him when he entered there. Anyone who was with him would be the wrong person. He turned back to Tohma who still waited patiently for his answer.

"Go home," he growled.

Tohma smiled at him. "If that is what you want."

Yuki glared at him. "Go home," he repeated.

"Very well," Tohma said as he settled back comfortably. "We'll have you over for tea soon. Mika wants to see you."

"Fine," Yuki turned and took a couple of steps away.

"Eiri,"

He turned at Tohma's call. "What?"

"Welcome home." Tohma said quietly, his face warm with caring.

Yuki couldn't stop the small surge of warmth those words gave him. It was nice to hear that someone was pleased he was home, that someone had missed him. The car left the curb smoothly as Tohma drove away and Yuki looked after it until the red tail lights had disappeared around a corner. He had noticed that even though Tohma had asked if he had wanted him to accompany him inside, he had at no time turned the engine off. It was as though he knew that Yuki would refuse. How could Tohma have known that? He had almost said yes. A shiver ran up and down his spine. Sometimes he found his brother-in-law just as freaky as everyone else did, apart from Mika perhaps. Tohma seemed to know him at times so much better than he did himself.

He made his way to the door. It would be good to be home. That was another thing he should thank Tohma for. He had ensured that all the amenities had been paid during the time Yuki had been away. He honestly hadn't really thought about it. There had been so many other things on his mind back then. It really would have sucked for him to come home and find he'd been evicted! Tohma had made certain that wouldn't happen.

He had a lot to thank Tohma for. A lot. As much as it grated on his nerves to be so indebted to someone, he knew that he would never be able to repay his brother-in-law for everything he had done during this time. Tohma had really come through for him. Just as he had always promised Yuki that he would.

That had been a number of weeks ago now.

He reached out and tapped at the keyboard, trying to get his train of thought started again. He had to keep working. He had to stay focused. He was back home and he needed to get on with things.

Coming home had been a wonderful feeling. He had never thought he would actually miss his home. This was the first time he had. Home had never been anything more than a place to sleep, a place to simply 'be'. So, yes, he was very, very glad to finally be back home, but there was still a problem. For all his relief at coming home, he had found it difficult to settle back in. Things were still the same, he hadn't been gone that long really. Yet, they seemed…….different, somehow.

He remembered how it had felt when he had first stepped through the door.

He stepped into the apartment letting the bag fall heavily to the floor, the sound loud in the silence. He stood there for a moment in the dark, almost afraid to switch on the light, afraid of what he might see, of what ghosts may still be lingering in that darkness.

He shrugged his shoulders in irritation at these irrational feelings. He was being a complete idiot! Angrily he reached out and flicked the switch, blinking a few times as the brightness struck his eyes. There was nothing there. Just as he had known there wouldn't be. He tried to ignore his plummeting feelings. He emptied his pockets onto the hall table, shrugging out of his jacket, letting it fall carelessly to the floor, and made his way immediately to the kitchen.

Coffee, he needed coffee – desperately. If he didn't get coffee now he would only begin on something far, far stronger and his stomach was still screaming at him even through the painkillers he had been taking to get through the flight. He poured a mug, bringing the steaming cup to his lips for that first caffeine-filled sip. It entered his bloodstream quickly due to his empty stomach. He took another deep swallow, savouring the taste.

With steaming cup in hand, he walked through the rooms. It was definitely his apartment. There were his things lying scattered around, that was his laptop sitting in the study, cover still up. He brushed a finger over the keyboard and noted the dust smear on the digit. He'd better check that out first thing and see if the damn thing was so choked with dust it was even going to work! He had opened the balcony door and stood outside, cigarette dangling from his lips. Yes, it was still his place. Still, something just didn't seem…right. Something was still missing.

He walked into the middle of the lounge, taking another sip, and paused, gazing around him. There was a large gap on his bookshelf near the TV, a gap that used to house Shuichi's numerous DVDs, videos and games. It was extremely obvious that at one time something had been there and was now glaringly absent. It would have looked the same if he had come home to find he had been burgled. It was that evident to his eye, even down to the dusty outline to show where the collection had once begun and ended. He turned his back on the sight as his stomach knotted. He took another sip of coffee, hoping that might calm it. It didn't seem to help.

His mind was screaming at him to ignore it. Just turn away, don't look too closely, and just get on with things. The past was the past, it was gone. He heard the voice, but he had to ignore it.

He slowly made his way back into the bathroom, his feet dragging reluctantly yet still carrying him along. Sure enough, the second set of toiletries; toothbrush, shaving kit, all of it. All were gone, one side of the cabinet now completely bare.

He walked into the bedroom and opened the wardrobe. Empty coat hangers clattered together, more than there had been when he had left so long ago on that night. He turned his back on the sight, not even bothering to close the door again, and opened the drawers. They were almost all half empty – one side barren, a space that seemed to be aching to be filled.

Yuki felt his heart contract hard as he slowly pushed the last drawer closed. He stared at his hands resting on the wood. They were shaking. Hard.

He turned away. He couldn't fill that space. He had nothing anymore to fill it with.

He returned to his study and flicked on the laptop, seating himself before it as the screen's light illuminated his pale drawn face.

He had tried to forget about everything, tried to immerse himself in his own simple life once more, the way he once had from what now seemed so long ago. The next day he had consciously made a decision and spread his own items out further so they encroached into the now empty spaces. It was a defiant, and ultimately futile, gesture on his part to try and forget and make the pain disappear. It didn't work. Nothing did.

Over the next few weeks he found himself fleeing the memories in the apartment more and more. Every time he looked around it seemed the ghost of a figure hovered at the corner of his eye; a fleeting glimpse of someone, a tantalizing hope that if he could just turn fast enough he would see them clearly. He never could. That spectre drove him from his home time and time again. He had fled to the park, hoping to be able to clear his head in that familiar, soothing location, striding along briskly as he usually did, hands pushed deep into pockets, when he found himself turning to glance at his side, as though expecting something to be there.

No….not something. Someone.

That thought had been enough to make him stop completely. So that was it, he thought, slowly reaching up to remove the cigarette and blow the smoke from his lungs. He couldn't stop the small bitter laugh that escaped his lips. What a moron he was! He was still expecting Shuichi to be there. Well, he ground the cigarette beneath his shoe as he turned to head back to his place, that wasn't going to happen, so he may as well snap out of it. He ground his teeth together, features set with determination. He would not be driven away! He didn't need anything else!

But that nagging feeling never went away completely.

He had had no choice but to get straight back into work. He still had to eat, and the money to support him came from his writing. There had been meeting after meeting with his long-suffering editors and publishers upon his return as they outlined what they wanted from him. He supposed he should be grateful that they still wanted to support his writings after he had gone AWOL for so long. They may have been understanding of his situation and why he had gone, but now they wanted their pound of flesh. Namely a completed book in record time.

He had sat down dutifully to comply, though not without a great deal of cursing and swearing, starting almost immediately upon returning home after the final meeting. He began with a brief outline of possibilities but he was finding he was having great difficulties with developing it any further. He was so out of practice in even thinking about writing. He hadn't thought once about it whilst he was away, he hadn't jotted any ideas down, nothing had been inspired from his journey. He had been too focused on other things at the time. He tried to concentrate, tried to return to his calm and cool frame of mind when he usually wrote, but he couldn't seem to find his natural flow as he once had. No matter what he did, no matter how hard he tried, it was a struggle at the moment. A slow and painful struggle that saw him with sleepless nights and constant headaches to combine with his aching stomach.

He remembered the call from Tohma when Shuichi had returned to Japan a couple of weeks after he had. He had been sitting right here in his study when it had come through. Normally he wouldn't have answered it, letting the answering machine pick it up so he wouldn't be disturbed when writing, but this time he welcomed the interruption. Anything to take him away from the agonizing writer's block that he was wallowing in. Even Tohma's voice was welcome in those circumstances.

He had felt a cold shiver run down his spine as he listened to Tohma's words. Shuichi was getting back on a plane, the only way he could return to Japan. A vision flashed before him. A flash of light against a blue sky, chunks of grey metal spinning away, smoke trails, then….nothing. His breathing had sped up, his heart racing as beads of sweat built on his brow. His hands shook as he held the phone to his ear, listening to Tohma's request to join them at the airport.

After he had hung up he had poured himself a drink, downing it in one go, before pouring a second. There had probably been more than one dry mouth at getting back on that plane, especially for Shuichi. How would he feel, Yuki wondered. How much did he truly remember of the plane crash? Would it all come back to him when he had to board the flight? How would he cope with it? He drank down the second glass.

When the date arrived for Shuichi's return he had felt numb the entire day. He knew what flight they were catching, he had looked it up to see that it was still leaving New York on schedule. He didn't sleep as the hours of the flight ticked slowly past. He sat on the couch, wide awake, smoking and drinking coffee non-stop. He had kept his cell phone on, as well as the TV and radio. He admitted to himself that he had been terrified that a repeat of the same event would occur. He had worried so much that he had even begun to cough up blood again. That hadn't happened since he had returned. He hadn't been able to relax until he had heard that Shuichi was safely back on terra firma. He listened to the recorded message Tohma left on his phone, the calm words assuring him that all was well, that Shuichi was fine. The noise in the background told him that Tohma was calling him from the airport itself. He knew that Yuki would be waiting to hear. Of course he knew.

He had stood and gone to the bathroom to cough up some more blood. He didn't call Tohma back. If he did somehow Tohma would find out about his relapse. He just booked himself into the hospital that morning for treatment. He had been allowed to return home the following day. Tohma hadn't come to visit him but he wasn't under any misapprehension that Tohma wasn't fully aware of his whereabouts. He was grateful that he had been left alone this time.

He also felt thankful that Shuichi had company on his return to Japan, that he hadn't been forced to face the flight on his own.. He found out that the rest of Bad Luck and Shuichi's family had all stayed on in North America so they could return together with him. That was probably the best thing for them to have done. Let Shuichi become more familiar with associating with his old, although partially forgotten, friends and colleagues in a place where he felt the most comfortable at that time. It was far better than trying to immediately uproot the boy and bundle him back to Japan when he could barely remember anything of his life in this country.

When Tohma had first told him that Shuichi was returning it had seemed that his heart had stopped. The feelings of joy, of pure and unadulterated delight that swept through him were very alien. Shuichi was coming home! He had thought that would never happen, but it was. Was Jim right? Should he still believe?

He crushed his rising hopes ruthlessly. Don't be a fool, he reprimanded himself. Shuichi wasn't coming home for him. He was coming home for his family and friends. He was coming home for the band which would be making Tohma extremely happy. Shuichi wasn't coming home for him.

That was why there was no point him going to the airport to meet Shuichi. He couldn't bear it to see the youth looking back at him with that calm politeness, the formal greetings, and then seeing him turn his back and walk away from him once again. It was too much like the recurring nightmare that deprived him of sleep every night, seeing over and over again Shuichi's slim figure walking away from him, always just out of reach, before gradually drawing further and further away no matter how hard he tried to catch up to him. The nightmare of hearing Shuichi's voice saying over and over, 'I don't know you,' as he turned and left before Yuki would wake in a cold sweat once again. So Tohma and Noriko had gone to the airport to meet them when they all returned.

Yuki couldn't.

Yuki took another sip of his cooling coffee and grimaced. He set the cup aside, abandoning the remains of the contents. He removed the cigarette from between his lips, exhaling deeply before stubbing it out in the ashtray. He tapped at the keyboard aimlessly. The jumble of letters that filled the screen meant nothing. They were just that - a jumble. He couldn't think of a single thing to write down, a single thought that could inspire him to write…..anything.

Two months. It had been a long two months.

He stood up and left the study and his wasted efforts. He flopped heavily onto the lounge, resting his head back. What the hell was wrong with him? He had to get his act together somehow, but he was finding it hard to think. In fact he was finding it hard to do much of anything. He was so tired. He had been putting in long hours at his laptop trying to make some headway on this book, but no matter what he did he hadn't really got very far with it, for all the length of time spent. All he felt was tired.

He sighed and got up again, moving into the kitchen. He needed another coffee, maybe that'll help. It should, at least the caffeine would keep him up longer. Also, by drinking the coffee it should prevent him from starting too soon on the beer.

He rummaged through the cupboard looking for a cup. He hadn't bothered doing the dishes for a while and the sink was filled with dirty mugs. He didn't really feel like having to wash one up. His hand closed around a handle and he pulled it out. Thank goodness there was still a clean one. He glanced down at it and it fell from his nerveless fingers to the bench top, spinning on its side. He found himself breathing fast, almost gasping, his chest constricted so tightly it caused him pain.

Deliberately he took a deep breath, and forced himself to calm down. Slowly he reached out and righted the cup. It had suffered no damage from its small mishap.

It had been Shuichi's mug - his favourite mug. Yuki vividly remembered when the boy had proudly shown it to him when he had first moved in.

Gently he picked it up and placed it to one side. He turned to the sink and began to run the water. It was time he did some washing up.


	36. Chapter 36

**Author:** JadeHeart  
**Fandom:** Gravitation (after the manga finishes)  
**Warnings:** bad language, angst  
**Author's Notes: Ah, it is good to be back home, however briefly! The writing muse has come out to play! **

**Disclaimer: **I do not own the characters in this, they belong to the creators of 'Gravitation', nor am I making any profits from it.

The Key to My Heart: Chapter 37

Large hands; hard, forceful, yet at the same time gentle, cradling him. They cupped his face, long fingers framing his features. They were hot – flesh against flesh, sliding over his skin, curling around the back of his neck, tangling in his hair, tugging insistently. He raised his chin in response to the demand, feeling hot breath on his neck, then the warmth of lips pressed against his skin, a moist tongue leaving hot trails across his flesh. His body quivered, his hands reaching out wanting to hold onto the hard body pressed against his. He wanted to see the person. He wanted to gaze on that beautiful face. He wanted to see this…man?

Shuichi awoke with a start in a cold sweat, sitting bolt upright, breathing heavily. His sheets lay tangled around him, constricting his limbs. He thrust them away, turning to swing his legs over the side. What was that all about? He dropped his head into his hands, holding it tightly, trying to calm his rapidly beating heart. What the hell was going on? It had seemed so real. It had seemed like he…knew it was for real. What had he been before? What had he done?

He held one hand out before him looking at it. It was broad with long fingers, broader than a woman's, though not as large as some men's like Hiro. It was still the hand of a man. The hand in his dream had been that of a man. Hadn't it?

He raised it to his face, hesitated a moment and then taking a deep breath, closed his eyes and lightly ran his fingers down the side of his own face, curving around it. He jerked it away with a gasp, almost as though trying to flee himself. It had felt almost like his dream. He had been right. It had been a man's hand. A man's….body. Why? Why was he dreaming of a man? Like that?

He walked to the open window too frightened to lie back down and seek further sleep. He was too frightened of what might be revealed to him in his dreams.

Shuichi sat with Hiro in companionable silence in the lounge, just the two of them. There was no talking as Hiro softly strummed the guitar lying across his lap. Shuichi just lay there and watched the play of shadows across the ceiling.

It was the end of another long day. Suguru had disappeared early for once, stating he had an award night for his old school to go to. The youth took a lot of pride, more than he was willing to admit, in returning to his school, almost as much as they did in having him for a past student. Since his ascendance in fame, Suguru's old school quite often requested that he participate in various school functions as a role model for the students.

Shuichi had thought it was pretty stupid really. He had no great urge to return to his school. It wasn't his school that had helped him get where he was today so why would he bother going back there? He had said as much to Suguru once, trying to fathom out why the younger man had felt the need to do so. He knew perfectly well that Suguru had also got where he was today through his own determination, blood, sweat and tears, not because of some school. Suguru had just looked at him seriously for a moment and then explained that if he could encourage even one student who might have a love of music and a dream of achieving this level of fame, then he would be happy. He wanted to show them that such a dream wasn't wrong to have – just because it wasn't an academic pathway.

Hiro wholeheartedly agreed with Suguru in that. Shuichi remembered how difficult it had been for his friend with the expectations his parents had placed on him in relation to his love of music. He remembered how hard it was for Hiro in trying to live up to those expectations at the expense of what he really wanted to do. It was not easy for children to go against their parents' desires and dreams, even if they weren't what was right for that child. Hiro had been happy to accompany Suguru on more than one occasion to help his crusade.

Shuichi still hadn't done so, although now he had a greater appreciation for the natural abilities that he had and the thought that there were other people out there, young children who had their whole futures ahead of them who could really be 'somebody' in this industry and who would never have the chance because they would turn their backs on their dreams to live a comfortable life that was a lie; that thought bothered him now. So perhaps, one day, he might go with Suguru on a visit. Perhaps.

Shuichi remained where he lay on the couch, a stick of pocky between his lips, sucking on it gently instead of munching through it hungrily as was his wont. The soft sound of Hiro's guitar was soothing. He didn't recognize the tune but that wasn't surprising. Hiro would often make up tunes just out of the blue. Shuichi liked listening to the tunes that his friend randomly drew out if his instrument as it quite often inspired him in his lyric writing. This time however, he wasn't getting any inspiration - he was thinking about something else.

"Hiro?" he finally said, still looking at the ceiling, watching the play of shadows from the sunlight.

"Hmm?" was the quiet response.

"Do I…" he paused then began again. "Do I…like men?"

The sounds of the strumming paused then resumed. "Why do you ask?" Hiro's calm voice reached him.

He refused to look over at his friend. He just couldn't . "I...had a dream."

"What about?" Hiro's voice was soothing, helping to quell his fears.

"I dreamt…I was with… a man."

"Doing what?"

"Kissing."

"Is that all?" There was no condemnation from his friend. No gasp of outrage or disgust.

Shuichi threw a quick glance across to see Hiro still lounging back in his seat, feet pressed up against the table edge before him, guitar in his lap. His long dexterous fingers still lightly danced over the strings, even though his warm liquid eyes were looking at Shuichi. He glanced away quickly, feeling his face flush.

"What else…would there be?" he half stammered.

"Oh, lots of things perhaps. Kissing is pretty tame."

Shuichi turned to stare at Hiro in shock. "But…..but….."

"Calm down, I'm just teasing."

"Oh," Shuichi calmed and reached out for another pocky stick. "So," he began again. "Do I?"

"What?"

Shuichi glared at his friend. "Like men, asshole!"

Hiro chuckled at him. "Well, you're not completely averse to them." he answered calmly, his playing not ceasing.

Shu's mouth fell open in disbelief. "You mean…..I'm gay!" His voice rose to a squeak.

"Oh, I'd say more with bi-sexual tendencies in a small way." Hiro ignored his seeming imminent meltdown.

"You mean I'd go out with only guys?" His voice went up another octave and Hiro winced a little at the pitch.

"Oh, you really didn't." Hiro assured him. "You hung around with girls in high school sometimes."

"Did…" Shuichi gulped. "Did you …and I…..ever..?" His voice trailed off as he couldn't continue.

Hiro's face seemed to fill with sadness. "You meant everything to me, and you cast me away when you were done." he answered in a broken voice.

Shuichi still stared in shock. "I…we…..I'm sooooo sorry!"

Hiro burst out laughing. "Take it easy, I'm kidding! We never went out, okay? Don't worry. I like girls, remember."

"Oh, yeah," thinking of Ayaka. He let out a breath of relief. "That's right!" He had been really worried that there had been some lost memories of his relationship with Hiro that were still repressed.

"What about…. the others?" he queried worriedly. "You know, Suguru, or K …or Sakano?" He glared at his friend as Hiro finally had to stop playing as he doubled over in laughter, tears of mirth on his face.

"You …and any of them!" he managed to gasp out, breaking out in laughter again. "Gods, Shu, that I'd like to see! You have got to be kidding!"

Shuichi continued to glare at him. "Well, I don't know!"

"Oh, come on, could you really see Suguru as your lover?"

Shuichi thought about his other band-mate. Okay, Suguru was good-looking, you could almost say cute, but he didn't feel anything particular for the young man. He was too damn irritating most of the time. "Ah, I guess not."

"And Sakano?" Hiro pressed, wiping his face.

Shuichi imagined the timid producer and only came up with an image of him on hands and knees bringing him his shoes in his mouth, with a tail wagging like a dog. He blinked the disturbing image away. "No, no, I don't think so."

"And K?" Hiro was being relentless.

An image of leather, guns and numerous metallic objects that weren't all weapons of war began to assault Shuichi's mind….Arggh! His brain froze in terror.

"Ah, no, let's scratch that thought!" He violently shook his head.

Hiro seemed to second that. "You're right. That's a little disturbing because K is just plain crazy anyway. But I will absolutely assure you that you never, never, had a relationship with K, all right?"

"Oh, good," Shuichi said with great relief, banishing K's demented image from his mind.

Then why was he having those dreams? And who was it? A flashback of his dream came to him; his fingers tangling in short, silky hair, pale against his darker skin. He gasped, his heart almost stopping. Pale hair. Blonde hair. Could it….? No, surely it couldn't…? No, he wouldn't? Would he!

"Hey, Shu, what is it? What's wrong?" Hiro was looking at him with concerned eyes, as he lay there frozen.

"I didn't..." his mouth felt dry, making it difficult to talk. "I didn't…with…."

"Shu, come on, man, you're scaring me!" Hiro really did look scared and he was sorry for causing his friend that worry but he was completely terrified himself.

"Did I…with…Tohma?"

The completely stunned expression on Hiro's face made his heart stop. Oh, shit, he did, he thought. He had! Then Hiro collapsed on the floor. Oh, god, Hiro's had an heart attack from the shock!

He scrambled to the side of his friend. "Hiro! Hiro! Are you all right? I'm sorry! I didn't mean to hurt you! I know it's horrible of me, but I'm sorry!" he wailed.

He rolled his inert friend onto his back, feeling the body quivering and jerking under his hands. He's having a seizure, he screamed in his mind. He had to call an ambulance! His friend was going to die!

"Hiro! Hiro, don't die! Don't leave me! You can't die!" He could see Hiro's face now, could hear the gasps for air but now could also see what appeared to be a broad smile on his face. No, it must be a grimace of pain. There was also water streaming from his eyes - tears of pain obviously.

He gripped his friend's shoulders, shaking him. "Hold on, Hiro! I'll get help. Just hold on!" He began to get up to leave when Hiro grabbed him, not letting him leave. Poor Hiro was so scared of dying alone.

Shuichi was suddenly pulled down and held on Hiro's chest, feeling it rising and falling beneath his cheek. Finally he heard Hiro speak, "Geez, Shu, you're going to kill me!" he gasped.

Shuichi closed his eyes tightly. It's all his fault! The shock was just too much for his friend! He felt Hiro begin to sit up.

"No, don't move! You need help!"

"I need a drink." Hiro said, sitting up and brushing aside his smaller friend's futile efforts to hold him down.

Shuichi watched as Hiro scrubbed his face down and took a long deep breath. "Hey, dude, don't look so scared. I'm fine. It was just the …unexpectedness of it. I had forgotten how crazy you were."

Shuichi hung his head in shame. "So it's true."

"Don't be a moron," Hiro said, slapping him on the back of the head. "Of course, it's not true, idiot!"

"But you…"

"What? You thought I was like this because it was true? You idiot! It was because I couldn't believe even you could be so stupid as to come up with such a completely implausible possibility. How could you even think that you might have been having a relationship with Tohma Seguchi?"

"I remember….blonde hair. Or I thought I did." Shuichi said in a small voice.

Hiro paused for a moment, "Blonde hair, was it?" Then he stood and brushed himself down. "Well, I'll tell you this now. There's no way you and Tohma had any sort of relationship other than business." He glanced down at his friend still kneeling on the floor. "Do you really believe that Tohma would do anything that would jeopardize NG's control on Bad Luck?"

Put like that Shuichi had to agree with his friend. Tohma was too smart to do that.

"Look, Shu," Hiro continued as he moved over to begin packing his guitar away. "Since you've been back have you felt anything like that for Tohma? Have you had any sort of feelings of wanting to be with him or something?"

He stood and shook his head, "No," he answered honestly.

"Have you had those sort of feelings about me, or Suguru, or of the others?"

"No, none of you. Yuki's…" he cut himself off and turned around grabbing his jacket quickly from the chair and turned to face Hiro again with a bright smile. "Hey, let's go grab something to eat! It's been a while and there's this great little place that's just opened near my place and they are to just die for! Come on!"

"Okay," Hiro accepted watching his young friend disappear out the door, quite obviously beating a hasty retreat. So, what had Shuichi been about to say, he wondered. Yuki's name came up and he suddenly did a runner? Hmm, Hiro walked out following the receding figure down the corridor. Was Shuichi beginning to remember Yuki perhaps? Was that his dream?

They had their meal and it was just as good as Shuichi had proclaimed, before returning to Shuichi's apartment for some further drinking. They had no intention of a really big night, there was still work tomorrow and dealing with K and a hangover was just not a good combination. You needed to have your wits about you with that man. Also both Hiro and Shuichi were serious enough about their music to not deliberately sabotage a session just for the sake of a few drinks.

However Shuichi had had a few more than he usually did and was happily tipsy – enough to loosen him up and probably make him sleep very soundly but not enough to give him a serious hangover the next morning. Hiro also felt the warm buzz through his system as the alcohol permeated his bloodstream giving him a light feeling.

"How are you doing?"' Hiro asked his friend.

"Fine," Shuichi said, not even slurring his speech. No, he wasn't too drunk. "I feel better about myself all the time you know. But sometimes I'm sad."

"Why?" Hiro asked, beer can paused before his mouth.

"Because it almost seems that my life in North America was just a dream," He looked over at his friend as he grabbed a handful of chips from the bowl on the table between them. "I know it all happened." He glanced down at his own stretched out body. "When I have a shower the evidence is still there. When the weather gets a little cold and my leg begins to ache it reminds me that it was all real, but..." He tapped one temple lightly with a finger. "In here, it seems like it is fading away." His hand dropped to wrap around his can of beer. "I feel sad that I seem to be losing something important."

"Don't worry. You won't forget completely." Hiro tried to reassure his friend.

"Won't I?" he asked quietly. "Hadn't I already forgotten important things?"

"Hey, cheer up! It's all been coming back to you now. You'll remember everything soon enough."

"Will I?" He rolled onto his side, looking at Hiro seriously. "I feel like I'm still missing something, something really important." His hand rose upwards and made a clasping motion as though trying to grab something just out of reach. "Sometimes it seems like it is just there in front of me but I can't seem to see it or find it. Why is so much coming back yet I still feel there's more?"

Hiro took a deep drink finishing off his can. "Look, Shu, there's a lot for you to remember, your whole life in fact. That's a lot. You've got to give yourself time for it all to come back."

"What if I don't want to?"

"Huh?" Hiro was getting confused.

Shuichi rolled onto his back again. "What if the thing I feel is there is something really bad? Worse than the rape?"

Hiro's heart clenched at his friend's mention of that incident. True, Shuichi seemed to be doing much better with it all, but it still must hurt.

He could remember when Shuichi had first remembered that incident, the horrible collapse he had witnessed. He had thought he would lose his friend then, he couldn't see how he could go through all that again. It wasn't fair that he had to go through all that again!

He had held Shuichi as he had cried, not knowing what to do, feeling so helpless. When Tohma had arrived he had felt a burst of trepidation when the man had walked in on them. He knew that Tohma Seguchi was quite ruthless and he hadn't known just how sympathetic he would be to Shuichi's plight, but the man had done nothing except walk forward and wrap a blanket gently around his sobbing friend and told him to take him home, before leaving.

He hadn't argued but picked up Shuichi, keeping him wrapped tightly in the blanket and walked out. He had found the corridor unexpectedly deserted. He had been half-expecting, and dreading, that a crowd would have gathered but there was no-one. His path remained clear all the way to the front odors, eerily silent and still. There he had found a taxi waiting, with the driver opening the door as soon as he exited and beckoning him forward, leaving no doubt that the vehicle was for him. He had stepped inside and directed them to Shuichi's new apartment as it was the closest.

Upon reaching their destination the driver indicated there was no charge and he hadn't tried to argue or query any further, only turned with a huddled Shuichi still in his arms and made his way into the flat.

He had stripped his friend naked as the shower warmed up, all the while talking quietly to him, repeating over and over again that it hadn't been his fault, none of it had been his fault, he was all right now, it was all over with and he was there for him, always there for him. He had kept up that litany the entire time, never lapsing into silence.

He had lifted Shuichi under the water, joining him under the spray of water. He had stripped only to his briefs, uncertain how his friend would respond to another naked man near him just at this point. He had thoroughly washed the shaking body, all the while continuing to talk to him, before drying him thoroughly and wrapping him in a clean dry towel and carrying him to the bedroom.

Shuichi had still been sobbing, deep, chest rending, slow sobs that seemed to shake his small form right to his toes. He settled him on the bed and searched quickly for something to dress him in. Usually he knew that Shuichi would wear just boxers and tank top to bed but tonight he thought he would need something more.

Hiro sighed in frustration. He could find nothing that seemed suitable as most of Shuichi's clothing tend to be more on the skimpy side, or too heavy and bulky.

With a quick glance towards the huddled figure, Hiro dashed back to the bathroom and grabbed his own shirt. He held it to his nose and sniffed. Not too bad. He hurried back to find Shuichi exactly where he had left him. Awkwardly he got him dressed in a pair of boxers and slipped his shirt over his head.

He then bundled him under the covers, wrapping them firmly around the small frame, making certain that he would be warm enough. He had turned to leave but Shuichi's small hand was clasped around his, refusing to release its hold. Not wishing to upset him further Hiro lay down next to him and held him tightly until the sobs finally receded and he fell into a troubled sleep.

As he had held his weeping friend, Hiro couldn't help but think that it should be Yuki that should be there. He should be the one who should be here in this apartment, speaking the words of comfort, holding the weeping youth, stroking his hair. It was Yuki's place to be doing all of this, not his.

But Yuki wasn't here. And if he had been, then none of this living nightmare would have happened at all, right back to that fateful day when Shuichi had boarded that plane.

That had been a terrible time for him, to witness the pain that Shuichi had gone through once again. He hated the thought that Shuichi had had to live through all that again without the one person in his life who should have been there above all else.

He heard Shuichi move on the couch, the noise brining him back to the present, as he turned his head to look at him. "It just seems like there is something else that I still need to remember. Something buried right down in the depths somewhere but I don't know what it is."

Shuichi idly drew patterns on the side of the couch as he continued, ."You know, getting my memories back feels a little like I've been unlocking and opening up all these drawers in my mind. A lot of the time it's exciting and interesting, like making a new discovery, or finding a cherished childhood treasure you had secreted away. But the further I go, the more drawers I open, there are other things too. Hidden things. Dark things. Things I wish weren't there. I thought that surely the rape would have been the last drawer I would have like that, the last hidden door. I could understand why I would have locked that memory down as far away as I could. But it still feels as if there is something else. Something really important and very, very …emotional. I'm scared of what that might be."

Hiro cracked open another can and took a long swallow to moisten his dry throat. "Well, I don't think it's anything as horrible as what happened to you. I know that's the worse that had so just let it come to you. Stop worrying about it and I'm sure you'll remember."

Shuichi gave him a small smile. "Yeah, you're probably right," he agreed with his friend not wanting to worry him any further.

But as he returned to looking at the ceiling he couldn't help but think that it's easy for Hiro to say don't worry, but not so easy for him to do. What else was still waiting in the dark recesses of his mind? There seemed to be one dark corner where no light seemed to penetrate but he knew there was something there. Like a dark beast crouched in the darkness, a memory was still hiding, waiting to be found. Only would it greet him with a joyful wag of the tail, or would it devour him whole?

Am I going crazy, he thought, wiping the sweat from his brow. He staggered to the bathroom, turning on the taps and standing under the warm water of the shower. He thought about turning only the cold water on but it wouldn't have done much good now. The aftermath of the latest dream still clung stickily to his body. He soaped himself down, blushing. Hell, this was the eighth night in a row! It was beginning to drive him crazy! He was a complete pervert fantasising about Yuki like this!

After his talk with Hiro about his uncertain sexuality, he had found his dreams becoming more and more erotic. Like any hot blooded young man that would generally be a pleasurable thing, but he found that the subject of his hidden desires, the one person that figured so prominently in them, was Eiri Yuki.

When it had first begun he had been disgusted. Why was he thinking such things? He had been remembering so many little things now and it was all beginning to make horrifying sense. He knew that they had lived together. No one had hidden the fact that they had and he remembered that. he remembered too the way the media had jumped all over them after Yuki's announcement on TV. Well, he didn't really have much choice after Yuki's brother had tricked him into being kissed on that cooking programme! If Yuki and he had wanted to salvage both their careers drastic measures had to be taken! Thank goodness, they had pulled it off and the public had accepted it. He dreaded to think of how easily it could have gone the other way!

He scrubbed harder. Hiro had said he wasn't outright gay, yet here he was having wet dreams about a man! Just what did that tell him! He paused, though he did have a relationship with Annette and that had been perfectly fulfilling. Perhaps Hiro was right and he wasn't actually gay. Perhaps he was bi-sexual. He shuddered a little. He didn't think he liked men! Then, perhaps he really did. Was that why he had dressed the way he did on stage? Was it his hidden sexual desires that had made him wear that costume? He knew that Hiro had laughed when he had raised that point, trying to tell him that it was simply a costume and one that worked very effectively because it appealed to so many groups of their fans. As he had pointed out to Shuichi, their fan base didn't just include females but also males. Shuichi simply dressed in a manner that oozed sexual appeal to any gender. It didn't necessarily mean that it was a projection of his own sexuality.

He lathered his hair with shampoo, still not feeling clean. He felt such distaste for himself. No wonder Yuki hadn't tried to contact him. He must have known that Shuichi was lusting after him, or guessed it and was only too glad to not have him chasing after him anymore. How could he be like this? He had probably ruined a good friendship with the older man by his stupid behaviour and obvious lack of control. Hiro always told him that he had no self control when he was drunk What's the bet that he got drunk one time and tried to jump Yuki? He cringed inwardly, scrubbing harder. Gods, how he must have screwed things up! Somehow he must have got carried away with all the make-believe of their supposed relationship and tried to make something more of it. He was so pathetic. No wonder he could remember distinctly Yuki calling him a moron so clearly. He was. A complete and utter moron.

He sighed and leant his head against the cold tiles, letting the water rain down on his back. What the hell was wrong with him! He was just so screwed up!

"Hey, you look awful!" Hiro said as he walked through the door the next morning, peering at the dark circles under his eyes. "You okay?"

He tried to smile back, "Not really sleeping lately."

"Something bothering you?"

He shook his head making his way to the microphone. He could hardly tell Hiro that it was because he was having such intensely erotic wet dreams each night he couldn't sleep!

"Not really," he lied. "Just probably a lot going on in my mind at the moment. We're working pretty hard to get this album together and it's the first one since I got back so it's a pretty big deal."

"Yeah," Hiro agreed, drawing his guitar strap over his head. "I guess it is. You know, I'm really looking forward to doing some concerts again. It seems like it's been forever since we played for a crowd."

"That could be pretty good." Shu agreed, smiling for real this time, the mere thought of a live performance giving him a buzz.

Tohma had spoken to them a week ago about performing a number of concerts in the next couple of weeks as a lead up for the release of their new album. He wanted to get Bad Luck's name and face out there again, with a new image to promote the new album. The idea of performing live had seemed to fire them all up and they were eager to look at any new directions they could take.

Shuichi had to admit that he hadn't had any intention of returning to his normal stage attire but hadn't had the courage to say anything to K or Sakano. So he had been completely surprised when Tohma, K and Sakno had spent some time with all three members of Bad Luck to discuss new costumes. Tohma had stated quite clearly that it would not be suitable for Shuichi to dress as he once had and so therefore if he was going to change his image then both Hiro and Suguru would have to do so also.

Shuichi was more than happy to accept that there would have to be changes. His scars were still quite visible despite continuing treatment. Although he wasn't that self conscious about them himself, he also wasn't comfortable in parading them around for all and sundry to see. Further skin grafts and plastic surgery would help some of the worst of the damage and time would alleviate much more, but no matter what he did he would be permanently marked in some small way for the rest of his life.

Tohma had insisted that he strip down to his boxers as he was scrutinized from all directions with a clinical eye. He had squirmed uncomfortably under that gaze that seemed to strip all his defenses aside and he had never felt more like an inanimate object than he did now. Tohma viewed each and every blemish on his body, tracing their paths with his eyes, his mind thinking constantly.

The worst scar was one that ran from his hairline down the back of his neck on the left side, veering across his back and shoulder blade. It had been the deepest wound and the worst burnt so the edges had not meshed cleanly when healing. Those two factors would result in this mark remaining with him for life. It had been a very serious wound and had almost ended his life. A fractions difference either side of the spine, a fraction deeper, and he would have been dead. His longer hair covered the mark at the neck so it was really a matter of how to hide the rest of the damage on his back.

K spoke up as Tohma continued to circle the almost naked lead singer of Bad Luck where he stood on a stool. "Instead of trying to hide the scar, why not simply camouflage it?" he finally said.

Tohma stopped walking and looked over at him, tilting his head to one side. "Explain," he requested, although K was quite well aware it was more of an order.

K walked across to join Tohma as they both examined Shuichi's back. "Well, you want him to still look sexy so you don't want to have to cover him from neck to knee in clothing, do you?"

Tohma acknowledged this assumption with a silent tilt of his head and K continued, "So if we still want him to be showing some body we don't want to have to do concealment make-up over everything because under the lights and with the sweat it's going to be a bitch to maintain and it could look pretty patchy by the end of a concert. Not a pretty sight if some of it starts to wipe off and shows the scar."

"True," Tohma agreed. "And your solution is?"

K raised a hand and without touching the skin traced the path of the scar. "Instead of trying to hide it all, why don't we look at creating something that it can be a part of? That way it would still be there, still concealed, but more by camouflage."

"Did you have something specific in mind?" Tohma asked.

K grinned at him, "Of course," he said with no false modesty. "The new single from the next album is called 'Twisted Vines'. So why don't we make a fake tattoo that covers all the scars across Shuichi's body in the shape of vines?"

Tohma raised an eyebrow at this suggestion but said nothing for a moment as he turned to look once again at the scars running around Shuichi's form. K could see his eye following those tracks and filling in the view with an artistically woven tattoo also.

"I think it's got very good possibilities," K put in persuasively, watching the President. "I wouldn't be surprised if it didn't start a fashion craze afterwards as well."

"Hmm," was Tohma's answer as he continued to weigh up the possibilities. "Yes, you're right. I could see that working for this one certainly. Before a decision is made however, let's see what else we have." He walked around to face Shuichi, looking up into his face.

"Yes, the broken cheek has healed well. There is only a slight protuberance evident which I don't believe would be enough to notice on stage. Even if it was, that slight imperfection seems to make you look more mature than you had previously. So that is all to the good if we wish to break away from your previous image. We are moving away from the 'pretty boy' image and to a slightly more dangerous, though just as raunchy lead singer of Bad Luck. Bad Luck is being reborn, and I want the birth to be spectacular and heard loudly all across Japan."

He walked around again. Shuichi now thought he knew what a fish felt like as a shark circled in closer. Tohma reached out a hand and he involuntarily flinched away even though there had been no contact with the skin at all.

"Hmm, yes, this needs to be dealt with also."

Shuichi glanced down to look at the scar that crawled across his stomach towards his navel.

K stepped forward to peer at it as well. "Not a problem," he said cheerily. "We can blend that one in too."

"Hmm," Tohma stood back and tapped a finger against his chin in thought. Shuichi shivered a little. He was beginning to get a bit chilled standing there in his underwear.

"Very well," Tohma finally said, turning to K. "Do a trial run and I'll review the results. Let's see what you can come up with." Then he turned and left.

"Whew!" K let out his breath noisily. He grinned up at Shuichi. "Come on, let's get into make up now!"

"Now?" Shuichi paused in his hurried dressing, surprised.

"Yep!" K said, grabbing his arm and dragging him from the room, "No time like the present! Let's get this finalized and get the President's approval so we can get on with things."

"Hey!" Shuichi managed to get out, hopping on one leg as he hadn't fully got his pants back on. "Hey, wait up at bit!" But his protest fell on deaf ears as K dragged him along the corridor behind him unmercifully.

Shuichi had been a little uncertain about all these changes suggested at first but had soon begun to get caught up in the new look that K had in mind for him, and by the end result he found he actually did like it.

Gone were the tiny black shorts of previously. Now there were low slung tight pants, which would sometimes be leather, sometimes lycra to allow for better movement. He had been spending time at the gym as part of his rehabilitation since getting home and his flexibility had now returned so he could go back to being quite energetic on stage, as long as his body held up. The pants also served to hide the long thin red scar that ran down his leg from hip to ankle from the operation to piece it together. They spent hours perfecting the look until K deemed he was satisfied enough to present it to the President for his approval.

Shuichi stood decked out in black leather pants, bare torso with airbrushed vines twisting around his naked skin from his hairline to his stomach. His hair had been trimmed, with wide orange steaks blended through, highlighting his cheekbones, and thick mascara accentuated his wide eyes.

The temporary tattoo of the vines turned out far better than even K had expected. They wove around Shuichi's trim body like a lover's embrace, drawing the eye to follow its path. The slightly puckered scar that marred his abdomen now became part of that foliage, and like a pointer, directed the eye towards his navel where a bright paste gem was glued that glittered as it caught the light when he moved, before continuing on its way to disappear into the waistband of his trousers at the front.

Hiro and Suguru had been called to attend his transformation as they would be next, and would have to blend with what ever look Shuichi ended up with. Hiro had just whistled at the result appreciatively. Even Suguru told him he looked good enough for the fans to eat. Tohma had taken one look and given a nod which sent Sakano into tears of joy and K into managerial mode over-time.

K arranged for some publicity shots to be taken right then and there at the studio, dragging the poor photographer from his warm bed and back to the studio. These were sent off to the relevant magazines to be included in the next editions and then they sat back to watch the reaction. How would the fans of Bad Luck react to this dramatic change?

It was overwhelming. The fans went wild. The new look Shuichi was a hit. Problem solved.

Yuki arrived home from another wasted meeting with his editor, and threw himself onto the couch. He reached over and hit the remote, barely registering the sound of the TV as it came on. He was so sick and tired of everything.

He sat up a little straighter, trying to loosen the tense muscles in his shoulders and not succeeding. A beer was looking really good.

He dragged himself to his feet and made his way to the fridge, reaching inside to grab a can and noting that he was almost out again. He frowned. He didn't want to have to go out shopping. Maybe he could convince Tohma to do it for him so he didn't have to bother. He turned away and walked back to the living area. His ears caught the strains of a familiar song and glancing towards the TV saw a clip of Bad Luck performing 'Rage Beat'.

He paused where he was standing, looking down at the screen, listening to the reporter speak enthusiastically of a 'new look' for the band. The picture changed now, fading away from the familiar and now showing a new Bad Luck.

Yuki sank to his knees before the TV, beer can falling from his lax hand to roll on the floor, spilling liquid across the floor. There on the screen before him in full colour was Shuichi, a very new Shuichi. A sexy, beautiful breathtakingly gorgeous Shuichi.

He didn't even notice his hand reaching out to touch the face on the screen.


	37. Chapter 37

**Author:** JadeHeart  
**Fandom:** Gravitation (after the manga finishes)  
**Warnings:** bad language, angst

**Disclaimer: **I do not own the characters in this, they belong to the creators of 'Gravitation', nor am I making any profits from it.

The Key to My Heart: Chapter 38

"Man, oh, man!" Shuichi exclaimed, hopping from one foot to the other. "What's taking so long?" He paced quickly over to the other side of the room before returning for what seemed like the hundredth time.

Hiro perched calmly on a counter edge, arms folded over his chest, an amused smile on his lips at his friend's behaviour. He didn't bother telling Shuichi to calm down as he knew it would be perfectly useless to do so. This was just Shuichi's normal pre-concert nerves leading up to going on stage so he was used to it by now. That at least hadn't changed at all.

Suguru looked up with a small frown as Shuichi swept past where he sat gently massaging his fingers to limber them up before playing, but he also refrained from saying anything. He, too, had become quite accustomed to this well before now. In truth, both he and Hiro were no less excited about this concert than Shuichi but they simply didn't express it in quite the same way.

The door opened and K walked in, "So are we ready?" he asked, glancing at all three and receiving nods of agreement. "Okay then, let's get lined up."

They followed him out and down the back passages of the club. From the wings they could see the currently performing band, a duo of singer and guitarist. Shuichi listened with a professional ear to what he was hearing. Not bad, but they had a ways to go yet, he thought critically. Moving slightly he could see past the performers to view the noisy crowd.

This place brought back memories. It was the first place that Bad Luck had performed way back when they were getting started. It had been a turning point in their career as a band and it still held a special place in Shuichi's heart. They had all been more than curious as to why K had brought them here that evening after having announced that they would be making an unannounced guest appearance at the club, until he had explained that it was what the President had organized. If Tohma Seguchi had arranged it, you didn't question it further. Shuichi had been surprised at first since this venue wasn't particularly large, and being here now made him feel quite nostalgic.

The band on stage finished up the last song and the crowd applauded enthusiastically. "They're two local guys from the neighbourhood," K shouted as explanation. "Most of the people here probably know them."

He motioned them to get ready as the Manager of the club stepped forward to announce that they had a very special treat for everyone tonight and they were privileged to have a sneak peak of the new Bad Luck!

Amidst the rising screams of delight, K waved Bad Luck forward and the three of them ran onto the stage; Suguru heading for his beloved keyboards that had been discreetly set out previously, Hiro to his faithful guitar and slipping the strap over his head and pulling his long red hair free, Shuichi straight to the microphone, waving to the crowd. Immediately the opening strains of 'Rage Beat' thundered out and although it would have seemed impossible, the crowd went wilder!

K remained in the wings, watching everything carefully, monitoring how the sound and lighting were being controlled to show the band at its best. He sensed a presence near his elbow and glancing sideways found Tohma Seguchi quietly standing there. He didn't show any surprise. He had given up being surprised by Tohma.

"These surprise performances were such a great idea. Listen to the crowd out there." He looked at Tohma again. "What made you think of it?"

Tohma smiled at him. "This is the best way to get free publicity out to the masses," he said. "Although there is no announcement of their attendance, these venues generally will have the same fan base that follows Bad Luck, especially from their early days. By having them appear as a surprise guest, these people feel extremely privileged and will be far more receptive automatically to both the new look and the new music."

He paused for a moment to watch and listen as Bad Luck continued to play. "When these people leave here they are going to be on a complete 'high', and will be only too eager to call everyone they know with similar tastes to tell them of this event and boast of their good fortune. They will wax eloquently about the show and heighten the anticipation of others. When the tickets for the official concert and tour go on sale in two weeks time I predict that they will be sold out within the first few hours - for the entire tour."

K raised an eyebrow at that last statement. "The whole tour?' He was a little skeptical. That was a hell of a lot of tickets across the three cities the tour was to take in.

Tohma just turned a very assured smile towards him. "Oh, yes, I do believe so. Would you care to take a wager on that?"

K shook his head. "I don't think so. Thanks." No, he wasn't even going to think about betting against Tohma, no matter how much he thought he was wrong. Tohma had a nasty habit of always winning – sometimes seemingly against the odds.

Tohma turned his attention to the performance. Bad Luck was performing well, very well, and he was more than pleased. These small concerts were designed not only to heighten the expectations of the fans, but also as a means of easing Shuichi back into performing. They also gave Tohma the perfect opportunity to truly assess how Shuichi was as a performer and if he could hold a crowd the way he once used to.

Judging from the reaction of the people here in these first few moments he had no more fears on that front. Shuichi had them eating out of his hand – as always. The singer had abandoned the mike stand and taking the hand piece moved to the very edge of the stage to seemingly sing directly to various people in the audience. This close interaction had always endeared him to the fans. That, and the way he could move his body. Even Tohma had to admit that Shuichi oozed sex appeal when on stage. He may have been an aggravating, know-it all, smart-ass idiot the rest of the time – but on stage he truly came alive! Yes, this little experiment was going very, very well.

Now for the second part.

Tohma glanced out at the crowd again, looking past the lights and peering through the faces, searching. He would have to get down closer, he was too far away here to see properly.

He turned and began to move away, saying to K before he left, "Make certain that you get them," nodding towards the band, "away quickly afterwards or they'll be mobbed. We only want to give the fans a taste of what is to come, not the whole cake."

K gave a small salute and, with a grin, pulled out his trusty gun and cocked it. "No problemo!" he said cheerfully.

"Oh, and try not to harm anyone," Tohma looked back over his shoulder to the gun-toting American. "NG Productions doesn't wish to have to cover the bills for any personal damages." He ignored K's crest-fallen expression as he walked away.

Tohma made his way around the back of the stage and slipped down the side passage to mingle with the edges of the crowd. Would he come, he wondered, looking around. He couldn't see him yet and he was certain he had not arrived earlier. Eiri had no interest in the type of band that had been playing previously and this was not a place that he would frequent generally. He also knew that Eiri had a great aversion to being in places with too many people around him - another left-over from the unfortunate incident in New York. The feel of bodies pressed against him, that trapped feeling, brought back too many uncomfortably memories so he made certain to avoid them.

So, if Eiri came he would not be towards the front of the crowd where it was the thickest. If he came he would be at the back somewhere. Tohma tried to peer further ahead and sighed in frustration. His lack of height was making this very difficult. This was definitely one time where if he were as tall as Eiri it would be of great advantage. He gave another sigh and pulled his coat in tighter around his body. There was nothing for it but to bodily push his way through the crowd which was now packed almost to the back wall and try and find Eiri the hard way.

He began doing so, not even bothering to apologise to the people he bumped against. There was two reasons for that; not because he wasn't being polite, but the music was so loud that no-one would have heard his apologies in the first place, and with everyone bouncing and moving in time to the beat and with being so closely packed together in the first place, another body bumping against them meant nothing. Although Tohma was beginning to think that he would be more than a little bruised by the time this night was over he persevered and continued on his way.

After all the effort he had gone to, to organize this meeting and in having the two main players, that being Shuichi and Eiri, in the same place, at the same time, he wasn't about to give up so easily just yet!

Yuki stood outside the doors and continued to smoke. He saw the door checkers leaning there, large burly men, black t-shirts stretched tight across bulging muscles. Apes, he thought idly to himself and dismissed them from his mind. Although they were turning away people from the club he wasn't concerned about that. He had a special pass, one that at this moment lay at the bottom of his coat pocket. Tohma had left it on the table of his home when he had visited earlier that day. He remembered the conversation only too well.

"You should come, Eiri. It would be good for you to get out of the house, and it would stop Mika worrying about you."

"I thought you were the one worrying," Yuki growled.

Tohma smiled at him, "Of course, I am. But you know perfectly well that if I don't do something, Mika will be here in my place. Is that what you want?"

Yuki glowered at him. Which was worse, he wondered. Tohma, or his sister? Argh, it was damned if he did, or damned if he didn't.

"I'll think about it," he grudgingly conceded.

Tohma nodded and stood, "That's good then." He turned to the door, opening it to let himself out and turned to speak over his shoulder once more. "Now, don't be late. You wouldn't want to miss it. I think you'll be pleasantly surprised."

Yuki still didn't know just what Tohma thought this would accomplish. So what if Bad Luck had a new look? What did that matter to him? Though even as he tried to convince himself of that, another little voice was whispering at how he really wanted to see how Shuichi looked in person. He craved to see Shuichi, with a hunger that gnawed at his insides like a staved wolf gnawing a bone.

He dropped the cigarette and ground it under his heel. Should he go in? How would Tohma know if he had come or not? It was a small crowded, dark club. Just how would he know if Yuki wasn't present?

He ground his teeth together. The problem is that Tohma would know – somehow. He would probably be looking for him even now, just to make certain that he had come, and if he wasn't found then he would carry through with his threat and tell Mika. Then he would get a real earful. Tohma nagged him quietly – Mika's nagging was far more vocal. The way he was feeling at the moment he really couldn't handle that.

Then let's get this over with, he snarled to himself. He walked with dragging steps towards the door, reluctance evident in his entire posture. Anyone would think he was a condemned man taking the final walk to his place of execution. A bouncer held up his hand to impede his progress but he just thrust the pass in the man's face, scowling. The man raised an eyebrow but didn't take umbrage at Yuki's brusque behaviour, instead just waved him in before returning to quieten the clamouring cries from the crowd that had gathered there and were being refused entry.

During the time he had stood outside procrastinating he had noticed the crowd building, had noticed people leaving the club at a run or speaking rapidly into cell phones and soon being joined by two, three, sometimes more people in tow to enter. He just shook his head. He knew perfectly well what Tohma was doing. Whilst the club wasn't full, people were free to leave so those that were already here once Bad Luck appeared would be spreading the word rapidly. The club owners would be delighted with the extra patronage and Tohma would have all the free publicity and advertising he could want without having to lift a finger. Oh, yes, Tohma had this all planned out well.

He pushed through the doors to find there was barely room to breathe let alone stand. He managed to move to one side and press his back up against the wall, looking over the heads of the crowd towards the stage. As this was only a small venue it wasn't that far away and he could see Shuichi clearly.

He was wearing exactly what he had seen on TV, the new body design picked up clearly in the stage lighting. They were in the middle of one of their old songs 'Spicy Marmalade', a good strong dance beat to keep the mood of the crowd excited and high. It was also a more than an apt song to suit the bare torsoed lead singer in tight leather pants. He could see Shuichi's wide smile, could almost swear that he could see the young man's large eyes sparkling with joy at performing just as he always did.

He remembered the first time he had seen Shuichi on stage, in this very place; small, no where near as crowded as it was now. They were unpolished back then, but the sheer presence that Shuichi had commanded had been evident even at that time. He had been quite engrossed by the boy during that first performance, seeing far more in him that he had previously. He was no longer just some skinny teenager that had suddenly appeared in his life and was bugging him. Suddenly he saw another side to this person - perhaps it was a glimpse of just what he could be and what he would become.

He remembered how he had stood there, watching Shuichi sing, pouring his heart and soul into his music. He remembered how he had felt himself get caught up in the beat, pulled in almost against his will, focusing every portion of his attention on that one person who commanded centre stage. It had been intoxicating and quite overwhelming - and completely unexpected.

That was probably the first time that Yuki had really 'looked' at Shuichi. And he suddenly realized that there was something there that he was…drawn to. Something that he wanted in his life even though he was still denying it.

Now… he watched the new Shuichi on the stage and felt his heart contract. Yes, Shuichi was still magnificent when performing. Yes, this new look did suit him and was probably perfect to re-launch Bad Luck. But all he could see was the lost image of how Shuichi used to look; black shorts and yellow coat and all the silly costumes in-between.

And with that lost look, he felt he had lost the last vestiges of the Shuichi that had been his back then. He felt that now, he had truly lost Shuichi.

Suddenly the room was far too hot, the pressing bodies around him crowding him, confining him, trapping him here and forcing him to endure this torment over and over again. He couldn't do it, he couldn't stay, he had to get out of here. His stomach was cramping, bile burning at the back of his throat. He could feel sweat trickling down his forehead, dripping into his eyes. Violently he pushed away from the wall and thrust past the few people blocking his way to the exit and fled.

He ignored the shouts from the bouncers on the door and the crowd still gathered there as he pushed past at a run. He didn't pause until he had turned the corner and was out of sight. Only paused because he had no choice but to do so as he supported himself against the wall and violently vomited.

He wiped the back of a hand across his lips, the bitter taste still in his mouth, his whole body shaking. His vision was blurring. He didn't know if it was sweat or tears, either way he really didn't care. His mind was screaming at him, not letting up, giving him no peace. The vision of Shuichi in the club assaulted the back of his eyes over and over again; taunting him, teasing him, paining him beyond belief.

He kept a hand on the wall as he staggered towards where his car was parked in the next street over, sometimes barely able to keep his feet as he tripped over seemingly innumerable obstacles put there to impede his progress. His hands were shaking so badly it seemed to take forever before he could slip the key in the ignition. As soon as the engine fired up he pulled out into the road with reckless abandon and a squeal of rubber. He had to get away. He couldn't tell where he was, nothing was making sense in his mind, no landmarks, no street signs, nothing. He couldn't think at all.

His stomach kept cramping and he raised a hand to his mouth as it threatened to make him sick again. He squeezed his eyes shut for a moment as the pain hit him hard. Stop it, stop it, stop it, he screamed at the image of Shuichi smiling, eyes sparkling brightly, such a happy look. How could he be happy! Why was he happy!

Yuki tried to keep his eyes open, his fingers wrapped around the steering wheel so tightly the knuckles were turning white but he was unaware of that small ache against the larger. He tried to watch where he was going, he tried to even see the road on which he was driving but he couldn't. All he could see was Shuichi and the tears that were streaming down his face filled his vision completely.

He didn't see what speed he was doing, didn't realize the pressure he was applying to the accelerator that pushed the black Mercedes along at a break-neck pace. He didn't see the corner or the guard rail - until it was too late.

Shuichi felt the excitement pounding through his body as he ran on stage, the screams of the crowd echoing in his ears. He could feel it coursing through every vein, making his nerves tingle in anticipation. It made him want to move, to dance, all that energy had to go somewhere, to be used in some way. He grabbed the microphone, hearing Suguru start the introduction to 'Rage Beat', with Hiro joining him a heartbeat later. If anything he felt his excitement increase, his entire body beginning to quiver with a need, a need that could only be expressed in song.

He melded perfectly with the music, coming in on cue, allowing the music to flow over him, through him, filling his senses. He filled every word with the required emotion, letting it spill out and onto the audience, washing over them, immersing them in his world.

He could look past the stage lighting to the faces beyond. In this small venue it was easier to see individuals, it wasn't just one dark blur in the distance. He could see a young girl, mouth open as she screamed in delight, could see a couple gyrating together in time to the music, could see two youths singing along, no doubt loudly and probably tunelessly. But he could see them all. They were people, each and every one of them. And it was his music, it was his song, that was bringing them all together. He lost himself further in the strains of the song, reaching out to these nameless people, drawing them in further, making them his.

The applause that greeted the end of 'Rage Beat' was deafening, so much so that Suguru was forced to swiftly wipe away tiny flakes of plaster that showered down on his keyboard and causing him to glance upwards with a slight worried frown. Shuichi couldn't help but grin at that. It was so like Suguru to worry about the ceiling falling down!

But he soon forgot about Suguru as Hiro started up the intro to 'Spicy Marmalade', and Suguru wasn't slow in joining him with gusto. The crescendo they created swept over Shuichi so he felt he was caught up in a vortex of sound, a very whirlpool of tones that swept him onwards and lifted him up. Oh, yes, he thought blissfully as he closed his eyes for a moment, savouring this feeling of pure ecstasy. He remembered this, he remembered all of this!

He opened his eyes as he opened his mouth and began to sing, this time abandoning the microphone stand and drawing closer to the stage edging. He sang directly to the crowd, projecting his voice further to reach right to the back of the room. It seemed to his eyes that the very walls seemed to move in and out in time with the beat, as though the room was a living being breathing, or a heart pumping.

He kept singing, moving along the stage edge, pointing to people randomly as he sang. The cries and screams rose in volume. Ah, he had them, he thought with maniacal glee, he had them completely. They were his; body, mind, heart and soul! They were his!

It was coming up to the musical interlude shortly which would be a chance for him to show this audience just how flexible he had become and to what advantage he could show off this new look he was sporting. That, he was looking forward to!

He was coming to the end of the last verse, ready to spin away and begin his routine when something caught his eye. A person. There. Right at the back, pressed against the wall. A person with blonde hair that seemed to stand out in the darkness of this club as the swirling lights flicked past.

Shuichi felt his voice cease, halting on the end of the last word. His voice was gone, completely. He just stood there looking. He remembered. He remembered another time and place. This club, it was here at this club so long ago when they were playing. He had remembered that before, but he had still forgotten one thing. One person. That person. The same person standing there now. It seemed completely surreal. Was it real? Was HE real? Was it just an illusion of a past memory?

Shuichi felt frozen in place, unable to move, unable to barely think clearly. He remembered standing here like that once before. Could remember how surprised he had been to see Yuki standing there, not expecting him to come even though he had asked him to do so.

He had been surprised, but also there had been a swelling in his heart, a feeling of excitement, or self-pride even. He had wanted to show the man just what he could do. That he wasn't just a nobody, that he was good enough to be a singer despite what he thought.

He had been so sure of himself, and so determined to prove Yuki wrong. It was a challenge that he couldn't pass up. And he had wanted to sing his best for that man, not just to prove that he could, but because seeing him standing there, knowing he had come after all, had made him WANT to sing and sing his very best.

He had wanted his song to be for Yuki that time. He wanted to sing directly to the man himself, to reach out and touch him in a way he ached to do physically as well. So that is what he did. He had poured everything he had into that song and into that performance whilst Yuki had stood there watching with those piercing hazel eyes that burned to the very bottom of Shuichi's soul.

And now…..now he was here. He was here. He was right there, standing at the back, just as he had been before. It was him! Wasn't it? Could he call out to him? Could he tell him to wait, to let him apologise? He wanted to see him, to speak to him, to be with him!

Suddenly his vision was blocked for a moment. Something was standing in front of him. He moved his head slightly so he could look past the obstruction but could no longer see Yuki there. He felt panic clawing at his insides, his eyes searching frantically, trying to locate that tall figure. Where was he? He couldn't see him! Where had he gone?

"Shu!" It was his name being called. Was it Yuki calling him? No, it didn't sound like Yuki. Where was Yuki? Where had he gone?

His heart seemed to stop in his chest. Perhaps he had never been there. Perhaps it had been no more than a dream of the past, a wish of what once had been. Perhaps…..he was still alone.

Hiro knew something wasn't right. They had already discussed how the performance was to go. When it came to the musical interlude, Shuichi would begin his stage routine. He had been looking forward to trying it out, to see how the audience would respond, and had been practicing hard for the past two weeks. So when the last note of Shuichi's vocals seemed to cut short and he remained standing in place, Hiro knew with complete certain that something was wrong.

He motioned with his head, giving the prearranged signal to the tech to bring the spotlight to himself and off Shuichi, in the hope that the audience wouldn't notice that their lead singer seemed suddenly incapacitated. Hiro threw himself into his piece, walking forward to take his place at the stage edging in the far left corner, drawing attention away from the still motionless Shuichi. He continued to play, performing to the crowd in a way he didn't normally do as Shuichi was usually the exhibitionist in the group, hoping that this would give Shuichi time to recover but it didn't seem to be working and he was becoming more worried.

He glanced across towards Suguru to see him looking his way. Yes, his other bandmate would have realized something was wrong as well. Hiro gave a small signal to the keyboardist who nodded agreement before giving the signal to the tech once more.

The spotlight flicked off Hiro and onto Suguru who proceeded to play up a storm, fingers flying over the keys and extending the interlude beyond what it normally would be, but making it so astonishing to listen to that Hiro was certain that the audience really wouldn't notice the difference in time. Making the most of this opportunity he swiftly made his way to where Shuichi still stood standing.

"Shu!" he hissed, trying to bring his friend out of whatever trance he seemed to be in.

There was no response, just a glassy look in his eyes and shocked expression on his face. Just what was Shuichi seeing, or thought he was seeing, Hiro wondered, getting more and more worried. If they couldn't get him out of this and back on track, he didn't know how they would be able to salvage this night, and that could spell the end of Bad Luck before they had even had the chance to start.

"Shu, will you snap out of it! Come on, man, get with the programme!"

He saw Shuichi's eyes flick past his shoulder, looking out beyond the crowd. He turned his head for a quick look himself, trying to follow his friend's line of sight but could see nothing.

"Shu!"

He was just contemplating whether to reach out and shake him to see if that would get some response when he saw Shuichi's eyes come back into focus. He blinked a few times as though not certain where he was and then focused fully on Hiro's face. Hiro felt a huge wave of relief. It looked like he was okay.

"Hiro?"

"You okay?"

"Ah?" Shuichi glanced around, taking in quickly what was going on and listening with no little astonishment to Suguru's spontaneous extra arrangements to the song. He realized then what his friends had been trying to do. "Yeah, yeah, I'm good. Let's finish up."

"You got it!"

Hiro moved across the stage, picking up the tune once more as he went, until he was standing close to Suguru on the edge of the spotlight. He gave the younger man a smile and nod to indicate that all was well once more. He saw Suguru roll his eyes in response and shift back to the standard arrangement whilst Hiro gave the signal to the tech and the spotlight left them and spilt back down in Shuichi, who stepped forward and proceeded to belt out the final verse and chorus for the last time.

As the last chord faded away the volume of the screams continued to climb until it was almost deafening. The three members of Bad Luck stood side by side and took their bows and accolades, cheerfully smiling and waving to their adoring public as they left the stage. Their ears were still ringing from all the noise and it was with great relief that they finally reached the small dressing room at the back and could close the door to deaden the sound.

There was a sharp knock on the door before it opened again.

"Just wait here a moment," K said, sticking his head in, "I'll get the car and we'll leave immediately. Don't worry about the equipment, that's being taken care of." He disappeared again leaving the three men alone.

Shuichi sat slumped in a chair, a water bottle clutched in his hand. He had immediately drunk half of it down upon entering the room, not surprising considering how hard he had been singing, but now he just sat there looking completely lost.

"Hey, Shuichi, what happened out there?" Hiro asked quietly, dragging a chair closer to his friend and sitting down.

"Did you get stage fright?" Suguru asked from over at the side.

Hiro cast a quick glance to the younger man. Was that the problem, he wondered. Had it all been too much for Shuichi? Too much, too soon?

"No," Shuichi said quietly, drawing Hiro's attention back to his friend. "No, it wasn't stage fright." He gave a crooked smile to both Hiro and Suguru. "Don't worry about me," he tried to say cheerfully although Hiro could tell it was forced. "I'm fine."

"No, you're not." Hiro said bluntly, "You froze out there. If it wasn't stage fright then what was it? You've got tell us, Shu. We can't have that sort of thing happening again. Next time we might not be able to cover for you. If you tell us what's wrong then we can try and help you."

Shuichi stood up and walked over to where his shirt was hanging. He could feel his skin beginning to cool and didn't want to get a chill. "It's not a problem, Hiro, honestly. I…just thought I remembered something, that's all."

"Remembered something? About here? I thought you already did remember this place?"

"Yeah, I did. There was just…one thing I had forgotten." He cast another smile over his shoulder at them both. "Look, it's fine, it just caught me by surprise. It's not going to happen again. It was a memory strictly about this place from our first performance here, so now that I've remembered it there shouldn't be any more problems, right?"

Before Hiro could reply, the door was pushed open and K was standing there. "Come on, time to go, boys." He ushered them out to the waiting car, discreetly parked out the back with fortunately no fans gathered around.

Shuichi was quiet during the drive and was the first to be dropped off. As he exited the car Hiro leant forward and grabbed his arm. "Are you sure you're okay? I can stay over if you want to talk."

Shuichi smiled, this time a little more genuinely. "Nah, I'm okay now. Thanks for covering for me, Hiro. And you, Suguru." A soft snort was the only reply to that last which served to make his smile broaden. That made Hiro feel better at least.

"Okay then. We'll see you tomorrow."

"Yep, certainly will. See ya!"

Hiro watched as his friend turned and made his way into his apartment, then the car pulled away and carried on with its journey.

"Really think he's all right?" A soft voice asked.

Hiro looked over to see Suguru watching him intently, a worried frown on his young face. Hiro shrugged, "I don't know. I just wish I knew what it was that he suddenly remembered from that place that could have frozen him up like that. It was almost like when…."

His voice trailed off as he suddenly put two and two together, and came up with five. Of course, it was just like the first time. When Yuki had come to their first concert. Shuichi had responded in just the same way. So, had it just been a memory, Hiro now wondered, chewing on his bottom lip. Or had Shuichi really seen something there tonight?

Or someone.

Yuki slowly opened his eyes, feeling them gritty as though he had been asleep for too long. He found himself looking up at a beige coloured ceiling, not the colour of his own bedroom. What…? He tried to remember what had happened.

"Ah, so you have decided to join us again." Yuki turned his head to see Tohma sitting quietly in a chair by his bed. A hospital bed, and he was in a hospital room. Hospital. Again. He tried to sit up and gasped, one hand going to his ribs as shooting pains cut through him.

"Careful, you cracked a couple of ribs. And gave yourself a nasty knock on the head also." Tohma didn't move from his position, just watching Yuki carefully.

Yuki took a deep breath and this time, with more care, managed to sit upright, resting back against the pillows with a sigh. He then noticed the white bandage wrapped tightly around his right arm, stretching from wrist to elbow.

"Don't worry, it's nothing more than some abrasions. You've done no permanent damage to the arm. Though," and now a hint of steel entered Tohma's voice making Yuki look at his brother-in-law in surprise. "You probably deserved to have done so. Even for you, Eiri, this was a stupid move."

Yuki was more than a little startled by the change of tone. Tohma rarely chided him for anything, no matter what he did, and certainly never in that tone of voice. Where was all the incessant mothering and fussing? Where was the blithe forgiveness for all his transgressions? What was with him this time?

Tohma remained where he sat, just watching Yuki who couldn't read his expression at all. Fuck it, Yuki thought, what did he care if Tohma didn't like what he was doing! But close on the heels of that thought was a tendril of fear that his one permanent supporter was no longer that. That the one person that he had always counted on for most of his life, was no longer quite on his side any more.

That feeling rocked him to the bottom of his soul as he felt that a rug he had been standing on was beginning to waver uncertainly under his feet like it was about to be pulled away, and what that rug was hiding was a yawning black abyss that he would plummet into, to fall endlessly into nothing. The vision frightened him, freezing his soul. He didn't want to lose anything more! He couldn't bear it.

The pain cramped his stomach again and didn't go away. He began to gag, choking on the bile. Blood was pounding through his temples, almost drowning out all other sounds but he could hear enough to know that a nurse had been called and then that warm soothing arm was placed around his shoulder, just as it had been so long ago, giving him such a tremendous feeling of relief once more, and a basin was placed under his chin as he threw up again. A nurse appeared and quickly assessed the situation and administered the required medication, before ensuring that Yuki was made more comfortable.

Whilst she fussed around Yuki ignored her, instead looking up into the face of the one who sat on the bed at his side, supporting him.

Tohma looked down at him fondly, a small smile on his lips. "Oh, Eiri, how do you manage to get yourself into such states?" That smile and the warm tone made Yuki almost wilt in relief. It was all right. Everything was still all right. He wasn't alone.

He shrugged Tohma's arm away, turning his head to hide his expression, not wanting to reveal his sudden feeling of vulnerability. What did it matter if he was alone, he told himself, hardening his heart. He could look after himself. He didn't need anyone!

Tohma took his withdrawal with good grace, saying nothing as he returned to his chair once more and waiting for Yuki to pull himself together and finally turn to face him. When he did, Tohma could see none of that lost, pleading-for-affection look that he had glimpsed just a moment before. At that time, it had seemed he was once again holding a young sixteen year old Eiri, offering what comfort he could and trying to bring a smile to that face once more. The face that watched him now was far older than that, the look in the eyes more cynical, the expression colder. The vulnerable sixteen year old was gone, replaced with the more mature, and in some ways a far weaker, Eiri.

Ah, well, Tohma sighed softly to himself, it couldn't have lasted anyway, although his heart did at times yearn for the Eiri of younger days, to see again that smile that used to come so easily and freely, not grudgingly as it did afterwards. And since returning from North America, not seen at all.

"So are you going to tell me what happened?" Tohma asked, leaning back and crossing his legs to indicate to Yuki that he had no intention of leaving this room until he had a suitable answer.

Yuki glared at him, reading the body language perfectly. He scowled fiercely. "I had an accident. What's the big deal?"

"The big deal," Tohma said, "is why did you have the accident."

"I went to the stupid club just as you asked me to. I couldn't stand the place so I left. I was driving too fast and I lost control. So what? It's happened before. And in case you hadn't noticed," and now Yuki's tone turned sarcastic, "I happen to have a stomach ulcer that's a real bitch sometimes."

"Hmm," Tohma pursed his lips, watching Yuki with clear eyes. "So you did go to the club?"

"Yeah, I went to the fucking club. Remember, we had a deal, so keep Mika off my back!"

"You are correct, we did have a deal. You will be kept safe from her." Tohma shifted his position. "So what did you think?"

"About what?"

Tohma raised an eyebrow, "About Bad Luck."

"What's there to think? They're a standard pop band just like all the others you churn out, and it was the same trite songs they had played before."

"But what about Shindou's new look? What did you think of that?"

"It's lewd, flamboyant and gaudy and the fans will probably go crazy for it. You know that, which is why you agreed to it. Why are you interested in my opinion? I've got nothing to do with them, and I don't want to have anything to do with them. So quit sticking your fucking nose in my fucking life!"

"Ah," Tohma sat in silence for a moment longer and then stood, moving the chair back to its position against the wall. "Well, do try and take care of yourself, Eiri. No doubt you will be allowed home in a couple of days so try and do as the doctors ask you. If you need anything, you know how to contact me."

"I don't need anything. Or anyone!" was Yuki's parting snarl as Tohma exited the room.

Tohma walked slowly down the hospital corridor. Oh, Eiri, he thought sadly, how wrong could you be!


	38. Chapter 38

**Author:** JadeHeart  
**Fandom:** Gravitation (after the manga finishes)  
**Warnings:** bad language, angst , sexual situations

**Disclaimer: **I do not own the characters in this, they belong to the creators of 'Gravitation', nor am I making any profits from it.

Chapter 39

Shuichi sat in the dark on the edge of his bed, hands dangling between his knees. Yuki, he thought, staring at his bare feet, pale in the darkness that shrouded the room. He hadn't bothered to put on any lights or change. He was still in his stage costume, ignoring the slight itchiness from the body make-up as it began flaking, and his dried sweat. He hadn't done anything except go straight to the bedroom where he was sitting at this time.

He remembered now. He remembered. So many small unconnected moments of memory now had some sort of logic to him. All those fragments he could now put together, and the picture was not one that he liked at all.

The biggest thing he remembered was Yuki. It was all about Yuki. He remembered he had fallen in love with Yuki. He knew that, knew it without a doubt. No wonder he had been lusting after him since meeting him again in Quebec City. It all made horrible sense now.

He ran his hands through his hair despairingly. He remembered how he had first met Yuki in the park; those cutting words, the complete disregard for him and his work that had stung his pride and demanded he seek satisfaction from the one who heaped such scorn upon him.

He remembered jumping in front of Yuki's car and cringed inwardly. What an idiot he had been! Why the hell had he done something so stupid! Just what had he been trying to prove? He had deserved to be run down!

He let himself fall backwards onto the bed with a loud groan, arms stretched out above him, staring at the ceiling. Was he really that much of an idiot, he wondered, chewing on his lip unconsciously, not noticing as it began to get raw from the friction. Oh, yes, he had been, he grimaced. He had definitely been that much of an idiot!

He remembered how distant Yuki had been during those times. How cold and calculating and completely blunt in telling him clearly he wanted nothing to do with him. But he hadn't listened; he had utterly ignored the other man's wishes and carried on with what he had wanted.

Oh, how he must have been so annoying! Why didn't he take the hint and just leave Yuki alone? How could he have been so self centered!

He drew his hands down and tucked them behind his head, fingers tangling in his hair. He remembered he had asked Yuki to come to their concert, that very first concert, almost demanding that he attend just so he could prove the man had been wrong in his assessment of his talent. He hadn't really expected him to do so, not really. A part of him wanted Yuki to come, yet another conflicting part had denied that need.

Yet against all odds, Yuki had attended, completely catching him by surprise. It had been just like tonight. He played the scene at the club over again and again. He must have been mistaken, Yuki hadn't been there. Of course, he hadn't. How stupid could he be to think that the man would bother to come and see him play? How would Yuki have even known about the concert? It was a surprise appearance, it hadn't been advertised in any way, and Tohma made certain that nothing leaked out to the press. Yuki couldn't have been there tonight. It must have just been his imagination playing tricks on him because of the familiar setting. That was all.

He remembered his desire to see Yuki again back at that time, his insistence in seeing the man. He remembered the game of pretend Yuki had played out in front of his sister. Mika had believed them even then and that hadn't even been rehearsed! Yeah, that was probably the start of the game as lovers. Up till then, Yuki had been telling him to get lost, reminding him that he was straight and he had no intention of that changing. In short, he had given Shuichi the big brush off in no uncertain terms.

Yet still, he had been persisted.

Shuichi wriggled back on the bed, drawing his legs up so his feet were placed on the edge. He remembered their first kiss. His eyes closed of their own accord at the thought, playing it out again in his mind. It wasn't like it was meant to have happened. Kissing was the furthest thing on either of their minds especially, he would have thought, on Yuki's, not with the man's natural hetro tendencies and the topic of conversation at that time. He remembered Yuki's cold, angry eyes glaring at him, a hand clasped in the front of his shirt lifting him onto his toes. Then, those cool lips pressed hard against his.

He remembered his complete shock at the unexpectedness of it. The surprise he had felt, followed by the feeling of melting into that firm masterful touch. As Yuki's hand had slipped under his shirt to rest on his chest, all his senses had overloaded in a moment of pure bliss in a way that had never happened before. He had never experienced a kiss like that. It had been something so completely amazing, and special.

At least to him. He recalled also how Yuki had then brushed that moment aside.

Shuichi sat up abruptly, wrapping his arms around his knees and held them tightly, feeling his throat tighten with unshed tears. That rejection had hurt. It really had. But he had been so determined to not believe it. He had been so demanding and selfish, only interested in what he wanted. Sure he had tried to say he wanted what was best for Yuki, but really it was all about what he had wanted!

Now he knew why he hadn't seen or heard from Yuki since returning to Japan. After putting up with all of that before, he would want to remain as far away from Shuichi as possible!

He didn't notice that he was slowly rocking back and forth as his thoughts tumbled. He had caused Yuki nothing but trouble, trying to force his affections onto him even when the man had told him he was straight. He had forced the man into living his life the way Shuichi wanted him to live it. He had driven Yuki into a corner, demanding he spend time with him, moving in uninvited, embarrassing him publicly both at the concert when he was there with Ayaka, and the fiasco with his brother on that cooking show. He had left Yuki with no options but to go along with a cover story. The public was hardly going to accept anything less after everything the evidence seemed to point towards. It was through his selfish thoughtlessness that he had forced Yuki to live a lie - and keep living a lie.

Oh, gods, what a mess he had made of Yuki's life! He had had no right to do that! No wonder he now remembered them having so many arguments! It seemed they had always been fighting.

He had even been so selfish as to break up Yuki's engagement to Ayaka. Okay, he knew Yuki didn't really want to be married to her but it still wasn't his place to do that! Yuki might have been happy if he had. He had acted like such a jerk - and dressing in drag! Just how perverted was he! No wonder Yuki had taken off a couple of times.

He remembered how upset he had been when that happened each time, the way his chest had hurt as though his heart was trying to burst. He had hated it when Yuki left, really and truly hated it. That feeling of loss, of being abandoned, left behind, forgotten. He had never wanted Yuki to leave him. That was why, even then, he couldn't leave Yuki alone. He had still followed him, demanding he come home no matter what was going on, even embarrassing him in his own home and in front of his family! Yuki was right – he was an idiot, and a moron, and a jerk, and every other expletive you could think of! His behaviour had been inexcusable, and totally reprehensible!

Shuichi buried his face in his knees, his face burning with shame. How could he have done all that? How could he have shamed someone he claimed to love!

He raised his head to rest his chin on his knees, blinking rapidly, thinking hard. Could he make it up to Yuki? Try to apologise? Would that help? He mentally shook his head morosely. No, probably not. It wouldn't make up for all those times, but…

Yuki had come looking for him, and been rather nice to him. Perhaps….perhaps there was a chance he would forgive him for the past. Maybe they could try again and this time he would make absolutely certain to keep it just as friends. Perhaps there was a chance.

Shuichi jumped off the bed and began pacing. Surely that might work. Yuki can't be holding a grudge or he wouldn't have helped look for him, so that meant there was still something there. Yuki couldn't hate him completely, despite everything he had done. His pacing quickened in time with his racing thoughts. Yes, there was still a chance for him to fix things. He wanted to still be friends with Yuki. He knew that he still harboured feelings for the older man but he wasn't going to let himself act like a fool again, not this time. This time he would show Yuki that he could be friends and he could still be happy with just that. He was going to show Yuki that he wasn't that pushy, selfish teenager anymore, that he had grown up and had learnt the value of real friendship.

He made his way to the bathroom, his step a little lighter, his thoughts a little brighter. He reached in and turned on the taps, waiting for the water to warm up as he shucked his clothes into a corner.

He would have to do this carefully though, he thought as he stepped into the shower. If he didn't, Yuki would just think he was trying to pursue him again and be rightly pissed off with him, so carefully it was. He soaped himself down. Tohma, or Mika might be the way to go. Perhaps he could wait for the right time and ask one of them to invite him round to see Yuki sometime. It would be perfectly safe with other people present to act as chaperone. Surely that would show Yuki that he had nothing to worry about.

Shuichi lathered the shampoo through his hair. Yes, that would work, he was sure of it! He didn't notice the smile that now graced his lips at the thought of seeing Yuki once again.

The day was bright outside, though getting cooler. There was a distinct crispness in the morning air now. Yuki sat back watching the smoke from his cigarette drift lazily towards the ceiling. He felt so tired, completely drained. His short stint in hospital recently hadn't provided him any real rest, only uneasy dreams that he had put down to the medication they were pumping into him. The bandages had been removed from his arm, as had the stitches, leaving no mark at all. Tohma had been right – he had been lucky.

He took another drag on the cigarette, ignoring the rustle of papers in the room with him.

"This is excellent, Yuki!" Mizuki gushed enthusiastically.

Yuki dropped his eyes to look at his editor sitting across from him and cocked a sardonic eyebrow. "It's crap," he said bluntly. "It's too rushed, trite and clichéd. You wouldn't give me enough time to do anything properly with it."

Not that extra time would have improved it any, he thought darkly. It had been enough of a struggle for him to be able to churn it out in time as it was.

"Despite what you may think yourself," Mizuki said calmly, collecting the pages together neatly. "I would say that this could be one of your best works. You put out just as many pages as you normally would do so, and there is nothing substandard in your delivery. It's a little darker than your norm, I would agree, but it's completely heartbreaking, romantic, and tragic. Your readers will adore it!"

Yuki continued to glower at her, saying nothing. He wasn't going to tell her that he had based the final story, and the characters, on his more recent experiences. After struggling for so long with trying to start this book, he had suddenly hit on that train of thought. After that, the words had flowed from his fingertips. He had almost found it cathartic in a way, using his writing as a means of expunging the agony built up in his soul. When he had finally finished, he had actually been left with a small feeling of relief.

Yes, Mizuki would love that tragic end, the demise of the lovers. It's different though when you are living it, instead of just reading about it. It's different when it is your heart being ripped out. He stubbed his cigarette out, mentally cringing away from those painful thoughts.

"We'll go through it again and arrange the cover art, then call you for the final check. If all goes well, the first print will hit the stands within three weeks. We've already got a book signing lined up on the first day. I'll email you the details closer to the date." Mizuki continued, retying the manuscript.

"Is that it?" Yuki growled, standing.

Mizuki looked up at him. "There's nothing else at the moment, though I would suggest that you get some sleep. You're not looking well and you really should take better care of yourself."

"Fine," he said, and made his way to the door.

As he opened it, he heard Mizuki speak again. "Yuki," she said quietly. "I'm sorry."

He glanced over his shoulder but she had risen from her seat and had her back to him as she leant over to her desk. He said nothing, just closed the door behind him as he left.

He drove onto his next destination, switching off the ignition and locking the car as he left it. He would have quite a walk today - parking had been the pits. He glanced at his watch. Well, he still had time, and if he was a bit late, so be it. It was just his brother, no-one important.

He drew nearer to the café. It was one he hadn't been to before, Tatsuha had chosen it for their brunch today. He peered through his sunglasses. Yes, he could see Tatsuha's dark head at one of the tables. Sitting directly opposite him was a young blond.

Horny bastard! He's got no bloody shame! Yuki was starting to sympathise with his father a little. His father had pretty much resigned himself to the fact that Yuki wasn't going to be the dutiful son, but when he had found out that Tatsuha swung both ways as well, it had just about put him in hospital with a coronary!

"Hey," Yuki said as he stopped at the table. Two faces swiveled upwards to look at him.

"Hey, bro," Tatsuha said with a broad smile of welcome.

The other young boy's eyes widened as he took in Yuki's golden good looks.

"Wow!" the boy said softly with a low whistle. He flicked a glance towards Tatsuha, and then back to Yuki, obviously making the connection immediately that they were brothers. No two people could look this good and alike if they weren't related. A broad smile crept over his face. "Two for the price of one?" he queried Tatsuha unabashedly.

"Sorry, kid," Yuki said bluntly, "Not for sale, and definitely not interested. You're not in my class. So take a hike."

"Hey! I….."

"Better do what he says," Tatsuha said with a smirk, enjoying the discomfort his table partner was experiencing. "Take my word on it, he's right. He's way out of your league."

"Huh!" the boy huffed, pushing his chair back and standing. He tried to glare at Yuki but the coldness of Yuki's stare, even through his sunglasses, would have been enough to freeze the hottest hell, and this boy was no match for that.

So with a flick of his hair, the blond strode angrily away. Yuki immediately sat down in the chair he had vacated as his brother poured a glass of water for him.

"You really know how to put the wind up people, don't you?" Tatsuha said, laughter in his voice. "I wish I could learn to be like that. If I could perfect that icy stare of yours it would be great. That dangerous aura you have about you just makes them want to flock to you even more, like bees to the honey pot! I'd have it made!"

Yuki took a long slow drag of his cigarette, "Really. I thought you already couldn't cope with the demand. You can't remember who you're supposed to be screwing, let alone what gender it is at the time."

"Oh, I remember. Though if your partner's willing enough sometimes it doesn't make that much of a difference!" Tatsuha's smile was anything but innocent.

"Is there anything you haven't screwed?"

Tatsuha just continued to smile. "Let's just say that the list is short, and I might just keep working on it!"

Yuki glared at him as he lit another cigarette, tossing the packet on the table. "You really have got to be the most perverted person I have ever had the misfortune of meeting. Even worse than that is that you're related to me! How did you manage to get this bad when you're hardly out of your teens?"

"Practice!" Tatsuha reached for the cigarettes himself. "You just don't know how to liven things up, bro! You don't know what your partner's going to go for if you don't ask. Why don't you try it one…." His voice trailed off. Yuki was silent.

Tatsuha cleared his throat noisily. He cursed himself for his unthinking talk. He had fallen into the usual comfortable banter with his brother, and for a moment had forgotten. Forgotten that Eiri no longer had his 'partner'. He had made a promise to himself that he wouldn't bring anything up that would remind his brother of that painful portion of his life.

"So how did the meeting go?" He began the conversation again.

"The usual."

"So the book's done?"

"Yeah."

"At least you'll get some free time now. Until your next one."

"Humph!"

"Ahem," a small cough above them signaled the arrival of the waiter and they placed their order.

As the waiter moved away, Tatsuha yawned.

"Late night?" Yuki said, leaning back.

Tatsuha flashed him a smile, and shrugged. "I actually had some duties to carry out for the old man yesterday."

"Really?" Yuki didn't sound like he believed it.

Tatsuha's smile grew broader. "I honestly did. And they had a lovely young daughter."

"So you fucked her." Yuki made it a statement.

"Of course. She asked me to, and who am I to deny a damsel in distress!"

"You had better make certain that the old man doesn't catch on to what you're doing whilst carrying out the temple duties. He'd personally lock you in a monastery, and castrate you as well."

"Then we'll just have to make certain that he doesn't find out, won't we?"

"It's your funeral." Yuki said off handedly as the food arrived and they settled down to eat.

"Got to go," Tatsuha said, looking at his watch and standing.

"Got a date or something?" Yuki asked, peering over the top of his sunglasses at his brother.

Tatsuha smiled broadly, looking extremely cheerful. "Nope! Even better! I have a pass to go see Ryuichi at NG today! Tohma set it up for me."

Yuki raised an eyebrow in genuine surprise, "How'd you manage to con him for that?"

Tatsuha laughed, "I got Mika to beg for me, of course!" He reached down to snag the packet of cigarettes from the table. "Get yourself some more, bro. See ya!"

"Yeah, whatever," Yuki, irritated, waved his impetuous sibling on his way.

He sat there a little longer and smoked the last of his cigarette before standing to leave. He stretched, feeling his back muscles pulling. He intended to go home, have a hot shower, then fall onto his bed and sleep for the next twenty-four hours. Perhaps that would finally bring him some peace. If anything ever would again.

Tohma ushered Shuichi into the restaurant, steering him to a corner already occupied by two people. As they approached he felt his heart skip a beat then begin racing as his eyes rested on one of the people seated there, but then he noted the dark hair. The features may have been almost the same but there were subtle differences. No matter how similar Tatsuha was to Yuki, they weren't the same.

Shuichi swallowed nervously as the woman looked up. Tohma's wife still scared him. He could remember only too clearly being kidnapped by her after the game Yuki had played on her, pretending Shuichi was his lover. He had been completely terrified of her back then.

Mika was still scary even now he remembered other things about her. She was so self assured and confident, traits that Shuichi admired and wished he had more of. She was a no-nonsense woman, and he had watched men crumple before her and then thank her gratefully after she had stomped all over them with her elegant high heels. She and Tohma were well suited to each other, Shuichi thought. He couldn't think of any other two people who were just so 'right' together.

This was the first time he had really sat down with Mika since returning to Japan, and he was feeling a little nervous. He hadn't been able to find the courage to ask Tohma or her about meeting Yuki yet. Soon though, he would do so soon. The other person at the table he hadn't seen since he had got back but he remembered Tatsuha only too well, and also remembered that it was his fault for the fiasco on the cooking show whilst pretending to be Yuki and kissing him, all on national TV no less! That had fuelled all those stories about he and Yuki which had led to the fallacy they had then continued to live. He frowned at the youth, who just grinned from ear to ear and waved brightly at him. If he had been Yuki he would have used his brother as a punching bag for the next week!

Mika waved them forward impatiently and he and Tohma pulled out their chairs even as she was waving a waiter over.

"You're late," she said, with a frown to her husband, who just smiled apologetically.

"Sorry, we were held up. It was entirely my fault." he answered.

"Humph," Mika snorted delicately and rattled off a drinks order without asking for permission from anyone. Shuichi actually didn't feel like a beer just at this moment, but he wasn't game to refuse either.

The drinks arrived in the space of a moment, almost like magic. Ask and ye shall receive - at least if you were a Seguchi. A beer was placed before he and Tatsuha, wine glasses for Mika and Tohma.

"I thought Ryuichi might be joining us," Tohma asked.

Tatsuha brightened and opened his mouth to speak when Mika cut across him. "I told him not to bother." Tatsuha's face fell.

"Oh," Tohma said nothing more.

Mika flicked her hair back over her shoulder, "There was no way I was prepared to deal with that idiot over lunch today!"

"That's a little harsh, isn't it?" Tohma said mildly, lifting his glass.

"But true!" Mika said a little defensively and took a delicate sip of her wine. She placed the glass back on the table and ran a long slender finger, topped with a well manicured nail, around the rim absently. "He's coming for dinner tomorrow night." It was said almost grudgingly.

Shuichi saw Tohma smile behind his raised glass but his expression was blank when he returned it to the table. "That will be nice. So," he turned to his younger brother-in-law. "How was Ryuichi? I really haven't had a chance to catch up with him yet."

Tatsuha stopped sulking and immediately brightened again, his eyes glowing with adoration. "What do you mean 'how is Ryuichi'? How can you ask that? He's gorgeous as always, breathtakingly gorgeous! He even gave me a Kumagoro attack!"

"Hmm," Tohma's reply was neutral.

Tatsuha turned to Shuichi for support, hoping to gain a more appreciative audience. "You know what I mean, Shuchi?" he pleaded. "Ryuichi Sakuma was an idol for you also. Don't you think he's still wonderful?"

"Uh, sure," Shuichi said a little hesitantly. Sure, Ryuichi Sakuma was a great singer, but he remembered only too well the machinations of said Ryuichi Sakuma when Bad Luck was trying to establish themselves in the industry, and the subsequent 'battle of the bands'. He remembered all the headaches, and heartaches, they had all gone through at that time – and most of it due to the dabbling of Ryuichi Sakuma.

Yet he did also remember how he had felt at once again meeting Ryuichi in New York, before he had got most of his memories back, and his feelings of delight and excitement. Even after his memories had returned he could still feel tingly at that thought. Yes, he could understand Tatsuha's worship for the brilliance of Ryuichi Sakuma, just not completely in the same way. Not when he had experienced first hand the other side of the conundrum of Ryuichi.

"See?" Tatsuha said, turning to Mika and sticking his tongue out at her in a very childish manner. "Shuichi agrees and he should know what it's like to chase after what you want and finally get it. He and Yu…..OW!"

Shuichi jerked in his seat in surprise at the cry as Tatsuha suddenly disappeared under the table. He head moans arising from beneath the table but it made him too nervous to lift the cloth to check what was going on out of sight. He remembered only too well just how perverted Tatsuha was. Was he jerking off under the table because he was so excited with the thoughts of his idol, Ryuichi Sakuma? He wouldn't put it past him!

Tohma had only raised an eyebrow at the antics, saying nothing, whilst Mika calmly sipped her wine with an air of complete decorum and totally ignoring the bothersome sounds issuing from the region of her feet.

Finally a hand crept over the edge, resting on the white cloth for a moment before a dark head appeared, peering over the top with a wary expression. Tatsuha slithered out from under the table and back into his seat. He scowled darkly at Mika who made no indication that she was even aware of him.

"So," she said calmly, "What would you like for lunch, Shuichi?"

"Uuhm," he glanced down at the open menu guiltily. He hadn't even looked at it yet. "Er?"

"May I recommend the special? It's very good and you need to eat more meat. You're nothing but skin and bones – though you always were a bit of a skinny runt. I guess that slim androgynous figure of yours works best on stage. Still you could do with some more flesh on you. It's about time someone fattened you up a little. You need to take better care of yourself."

She waved the waiter over and ordered whilst Shuichi just starred at her, open mouthed. He could hardly believe what he was hearing. Mika was concerned about him? She was almost acting…worried, almost like his mother! Even the back-handed compliments were surprising, though a little more like her. He felt a flash of appreciation. She was trying to help him, even trying to look after him, in her own way. That was really nice of her.

The meals arrived and soon everyone was occupied with the task of eating. Shuichi ate in silence, not really joining in the conversation that buzzed around him. He didn't quite understand why he was here, in what was obviously a family gathering. The bickering between Mika and Tatsuha continued, followed by a slightly more serious discussion between Tohma and his wife, and a phone call by Mika to the babysitter to check on her son. It was all such normal family life issues and Shuichi couldn't figure out how he fit into it.

"Well, I can't help it. I've tried everything and he won't snap out of it," Tatsuha was saying loudly bringing Shuichi's attention back to the conversation. "He was moping about like a love sick fool at lunch today. It's not my fault he hasn't got the guts just to tell Shuichi that he still…mmmph!"

Shuichi watched in stunned amazement as Mika shot to her feet, slapping a hand across Tatsuha's mouth and halting his words, whilst the other arm wound tightly around his neck in a head lock. Mika smiled tightly at him, his eyes flashing, ignoring the hands of her brother clawing at her arm as his face began to change from red to blue, his eyes frantic as he gasped for air.

"Sorry about this. My little brother and I need to have a quiet little discussion, if you'll excuse us. Tohma," she directed to her husband. "you will make certain Shuichi gets home all right, won't you?"

"Of course," Tohma responded, standing. "Come along, Shindou. Don't be too late." he directed to Mika before turning to go.

"Oh, I won't be," she said in a low voice before turning and dragging the hapless Tatsuha along in her wake, who was still gasping for breath and unable to get enough oxygen into his lungs to voice his refusal.

Shuichi followed Tohma slowly, glancing backwards as Mika unceremoniously bundled her helpless brother out of sight into a back room.

"Ah," he began, not knowing if he should even ask but unable to help himself. "What was that all about?"

"Hmm?" Tohma replied, flicking a glance at him. "Oh, you mean Tatsuha. I wouldn't worry about that. He has a tendency to not think before speaking. No matter how many times he suffers for his aberrations he doesn't seem to be able to help himself."

"I see," Shuichi slid into the passenger seat as Tohma started the car, moving away from the kerb. "Was…he talking about Yuki?" he asked a little hesitantly. He didn't look at Tohma so didn't see the slight raising of eyebrows in surprise.

"Yes," was the calm reply he heard.

"Oh," Shuichi rested his chin on his hand, looking out the window.

So Yuki was pining over someone was he? At least that is what he gathered from what Tatsuha had said. Wonder who it was? Though why anyone would leave Yuki or not want to be with him was beyond him! The man was famous, had money, and was damn good looking on top of that! What more could you want?

Although he could be a little abrasive, Shuichi remembered. Okay, Yuki could be quite grumpy when he was working, and did have a bit of a temper, but he was still a kind person, deep down. Hadn't he gone all the way to the other side of the world to find Shuichi and help bring him home? That's not something someone would do if they weren't nice.

He sighed softly, not noticing Tohma's quick look at him. So Yuki was going through a bad time at the moment. What crap timing! Just when he was trying to screw up his courage to go and see the man, he finds out Yuki's suffering from a broken heart. Now would hardly be a good time to go and visit and put more pressure on him.

He sighed again. Damnit, why did this have to happen now! He /wanted/ to see Yuki! He squeezed his eyes tightly shut for a moment. Who was he trying to kid? He was wanting to see Yuki again and supposedly be 'friends' because deep down he kept hoping that one day he could make it more. He was so damn self-centred all the time! It was always just about him!

He opened his eyes again and mentally shrugged. Well, that was that. Guess he was wasting his time, hoping against hope that Yuki would be happy with him. Not going to happen now, not when the man is in love with someone else. Yuki wouldn't want him showing up now if he's this upset. The last thing he needs is to be worrying about trying to deal with Shuichi's crap. For once he was not going to be selfish, and think of what was best for Yuki, not just what he wanted. He didn't have the right to intrude on the man at a time like this.

He took a deep breathe. So be it, he thought. That's the way it was now. Time for him to move on and get over it. There was no point him feeling all depressed about it. Of course Yuki would be involved with someone. Why had he ever thought that he wasn't? It's none of his business anyway. Lucky girl, he couldn't help but think enviously.

Tohma pulled up outside his apartment and he stepped out, glancing up at the dark windows. For the first time he really didn't want to go into the place. For the first time it really didn't feel like this was his home.

"Shindou," He turned at Tohma's quiet voice, realising suddenly that he had been standing there with the door still open.

"Oh, sorry!" He was holding Tohma up.

Tohma spoke again as he began to close the door. "Is there anything you want to ask me?"

Shuichi looked at him in perplexity. Something to ask Tohma? Like what? He couldn't think of anything. He was hardly going to ask him about his brother-in-law's love life!

"Eh? No," he stammered a little, feeling uneasy again. What was Tohma getting at?

"Ah," Tohma almost sounded sad at his negative answer. "Well, there's nothing for it then. Goodnight."

"Night," Shuichi closed the door, and without another pause Tohma drove away. Shuichi watched the tail lights disappear. "Just what was that all about?" he wondered.

Tohma had glimpsed Yuki at club and so had known it didn't go well.

Tohma headed home, weaving expertly amongst the traffic. He had thought that Shindou was about to talk to him then but once again the youth had side-stepped the issue. Tohma hadn't been able to determine what had gone on after the concert. He had spotted Eiri through the crowd and had seen him leave just as rapidly before he could reach him so he had followed him. It was he who had come across Eiri's crumpled car and called the ambulance which was why he had been at the hospital when his brother-in-law had awoken. His heart had skipped a beat when he had arrived on the scene, the cold hand of fear clutching his throat. Fortunately Eiri had been fine, apart from a few cuts and bruises. He hadn't said anything to Tohma but he was smart enough to figure out that Eiri's response to seeing Shuichi had not been positive.

It had been the next day at the office that he had heard that Shuichi had had some form of mild breakdown also. Sakano and K had been unable to shed any further light on the matter, and his discreet questions had elicited nothing from Nakano or Suguru. He couldn't help but wonder if it hadn't been due to Shuichi spotting Eiri in the crowd. If that was the case he had obviously remembered something but what, well that he was keeping very close to his chest. Tohma had been waiting every day for Shuichi to question him further about Yuki but so far nothing had been forthcoming.

Today at lunch, he had almost been sorry Mika had stopped Tatsuha when he had begun to let slip about Yuki's feelings for Shuichi. He understood why Mika had done it, but a part of him wished it could have all just come out and then they deal with the fallout afterwards. He had had such high hopes for Tatsuha, knowing just how prone to 'foot-in-mouth' disease he was. He should have made certain to get there early so he could have arranged to sit next to Mika instead of Tatsuha. That way there was no way Mika would have been able to stop him in time. Even she wouldn't abandon all decorum in leaping over the table to strangle her brother once the damage was done. She was pragmatic enough to just wash her hands of it afterwards.

He sighed a little. Another perfect opportunity wasted. He didn't know what else to do. He had tried to carefully contrive and orchestrate a meeting between the two of them in the hope that it would act as a catalyst to bring them together but that had seemed to backfire. Now he wasn't sure what else to do.

His brow drew down in a frown. He really hadn't believed the deception could have been maintained for this long, yet against all the odds it had. He kept praying that someone, anyone, would slip up and tell Shuichi the truth, and all the truth. It would then release him from the promise he had made to Eiri.

However, it seemed that in all the lies there was just enough truth to match what little Shuichi remembered of his time with Yuki to make it believable. How could they all be so damn convincing! Tohma still didn't know just how much of any of it that Shindou did remember, he was being unusually silent on this point. In some ways it was almost unnerving. Shindou had always been so excessively vocal where Yuki was concerned so this complete silence on the matter just seemed so …wrong.

Tohma shook his head at his own thoughts, growing a little amused. Who would have thought he would ever have missed the youth's loud protestations of love for his brother-in-law! They must be living in an alternate universe!

He pulled up at his home, grateful to be back. He could see the lights on in the bedroom so Mika had already returned. There was no sign of Tatsuha's bike so presumably he had not accompanied his sister home. That was probably just as well, he had most likely escaped his sister's wrath as soon as he was able to. Tatsuha could whether almost anything – except Mika. She was the only one who could completely dominate her younger brother and cower him. A smile twitched his lips as Tohma walked towards his home. How he loved his wife sometimes!

He mounted the steps and let himself in. He had to try and get those two back together somehow.

Shuichi lay on the floor, not watching the flickering TV before him. The last few weeks had been hard for him. He had been busy with the lead up concerts, going over the tour schedule, refining stage settings and costumes, all the time continuing his vocals to ensure that when it came to singing during the tour he would be working at peak ability. But amongst all that excitement, he had also begun to feel more and more down. Coming home to his dark apartment each night was becoming depressing and he didn't know why. He so wanted to see Yuki, but had clamped down on those feelings resolutely. Every day he had fought against that feeling, but it was becoming harder and harder. Why was he torturing himself like this? What was the point in yearning after something he was never going to have? Yuki was straight, he didn't like guys. Why was he so intent on pursing him? Probably because Yuki had gone along with it all for all that time. Yuki had obviously indulged him for a long time but he couldn't keep taking advantage of his good nature.

He sprawled onto the floor and turned his head towards the TV as the familiar strains of a song drifted to him. It was a re-run of a video clip, one of Nittle Grasper's concerts which is why he had recognized it. He had it on tape, along with everything else they had done.

He watched it from his prone position, letting the music flow over him. He absently raised a hand to rest it on his stomach, starting a little as his hand touched bare skin. His shirt had risen up when he had stretched himself out, baring his midriff. He shivered, feeling goose-bumps across his flesh. A wave of coldness swept through him.

What was happening? His blood was racing - from fear, and something else. What…?

His head pounded, the throbbing at his temples making it feel like his head was going to explode. He was frozen in place, unable to make any move to shift his position. He closed his eyes against the flickering glare of the TV which now seemed to burn the back of his cornea. He was beginning to shake now, trembling all over, his breath coming in quick pants. His chest hurt as it tightened, feeling like a large hand was gripping his heart and squeezing slowly.

What was happening to him? What was wrong!

He was beginning to panic, feeling the fear clawing at his innards like a living animal attempting to climb up his throat and strangle him. He whimpered into the stillness of the room where there was no-one to hear. Then the blackness behind his closed eyes suddenly filled with flashing images, running so fast he could barely make out what they were, fleeting glimpses of …something.

Over and over they ran, like his life was on fast forward. Slowly, he began to be able to differentiate things. He could make out some of the faces now; his family, school friends, Hiro, NG personnel, Nittle Grasper, even Ask. Flashes of places; from school, from his part time job, Bad Luck concerts, recording at NG. Flash after flash, all jumbled together, all colliding in a maelstrom of colour, motion and feeling.

Then it suddenly seemed to freeze in place. He could clearly see himself, lying on the floor as though he were viewing another person, lying just as he was now in front of a TV.

Then he was suddenly there, inside his body, lying in that position, viewing the room around him. He knew this room, it was…

He could see and feel a long hard body pressing down on him, hot breath against the side of his face and neck. The strains of the Nittle Grasper song, the same one playing now, filled his head.

He felt large hands on his body, sliding up under his shirt, gliding over his bare skin, making him shiver at the contact. They rubbed his nipples roughly, and his body shook partly in fear, and a little in unconscious arousal.

He could feel his fear, almost taste it. He was afraid, very afraid. He didn't know what to do, or what he should do. He was afraid of what was happening, afraid of why it was happening, and afraid that if he didn't let it happen what he would lose.

He lay there, quivering with the fear and the growing trepidation inside. He felt those hands move lower, sliding his trousers off his legs, the feeling of the clothes moving over his skin sensual, yet still he felt his fear grow to new heights.

His shirt, which had been scrunched up under his arms, was removed now, baring his entire body to the gaze of the other person and their insistent demanding touch. The feeling of nakedness went far beyond the physical and down to a deep emotional level that chilled him.

The touch of those long fingers on his erection made him moan softly in need and want, but the fear still gnawed at him, eating away at the pulses of pleasure that kept flashing through his body. What should he do? His mind kept repeating almost frantically. What should he do!

He didn't know.

He felt the probing fingers move lower, sliding over smooth skin, fingers splayed over a flat stomach, curving over his hips, slipping behind and cupping his buttocks. He couldn't help but tense up. His body seemed to know what was to come, even as his mind seemed to want to reject it. He couldn't help the feeling of wanting to flee. Yet, at the same time, there was a feeling of wanting to hold on for dear life to the person he was with also.

His body then shook as those fingers plunge inside, invading him suddenly with no forewarning. His body arched in shock, a startled cry escaping him. The harsh movement hurt. It was forceful, demanding - and it hurt!

He was gasping for breath, not knowing what to do - fight or flee? He was scared, so very scared, more scared than he had ever been in his life. The fingers were mercifully removed and he took a deep breath of relief, his body quivering at the release also. He felt large hands grip his legs, spreading them open, pulling him forwards. He could feel his open legs resting on the thighs of another, he could feel the intense body heat, he could feel something hard jabbing against his buttocks. That touch made a fresh wave of fear wash over him, swamping his already overloaded mind.

"I'm scared," he heard himself whimper. He knew he sounded quite pitiful but he couldn't help it. It was truly how he felt. No, no, he frantically sobbed deep inside, this isn't what he wanted!

"I'm putting it on the line for you, so don't say something stupid. Idiot!" was the only harsh response he received. Then something long, hard and wide thrust violently within his body, invading those hidden virgin depths and releasing a high cry of extreme pain from his throat as tears coursed from his eyes. He looked up into the beautiful face above him, framed by golden hair, with hazel eyes that pierced right through him, seemingly oblivious to his pain.

"YUKI!" he cried out, eyes snapping open to stare unseeing around the apartment he lay in on his own. His throat hurt, raw from the cry that had ripped from him.

He rolled onto his side, knees drawn up and arms wrapped around his shacking body. Pain, tearing him apart, pain all over him, inside him. He gasped frantically for breath. He was being crushed, that is what it felt like. He was being completely crushed, just as he felt with that long body pressing down on him.

No! he screamed silently, his mind babbling with building fear. No, it can't be!

But it was. He knew it in the depths of his soul that this was a true memory, the last to be drawn out into the light, the last to be dragged from those dark hidden recesses of his mind; dragged kicking and screaming and hurting into full existence.

He scrambled to his feet, his feet slipping on the smooth wooden floor due to his jerky movements. He couldn't seem to find his balance, either internally or externally, his mind continuing to scream at him incoherently, filling his head with incomprehensible noise. His vision was blurred as tears continued to course down his face, tears he made no more to wipe away. He wasn't even aware of them.

He staggered to the door, hands fumbling with the handle. His feet had automatically found his shoes waiting there, requiring no conscious thought to fulfill that action, but that was as far as it went.

There was but one thought – to flee. Escape, he had to get out of here. He had to get away. Away to where, he didn't know, didn't care, had no idea of where he even wanted, needed or intended to go.

As soon as the door was open he flung himself out, like a bird frantically escaping a trap. He didn't hear the door slam behind him and lock; didn't register that he didn't have his keys to enter it again.

He stumbled down the stairs, almost blind, his eyes seeing nothing before him so inwardly focused on what was in playing in his mind. One foot tripped over the other and he missed a grab at the railings as he fell down the last three steps to land in a huddled heap at the bottom landing, the wind knocked out of him for a moment and he saw stars from the sharp crack to the head.

His hands scrabbled at the floor, blunt fingernails scarping frantically as though he wanted to dig a hole there and then and bury himself in it, hide away completely from the world and himself. He was sobbing loudly now, deep sobs that made his chest ache and had him gasping for each breath in-between.

He managed to get to his knees, crawling for a few feet, crying, constantly crying. Soon the impulse to run was too strong to ignore and his protesting body forced himself to his feet, propelling him towards the outer door. He threw himself out into the night, fleeing into the darkness, trying to escape the memories that were chasing him. Trying to escape from himself.


	39. Chapter 39

**Author:** JadeHeart  
**Fandom:** Gravitation (after the manga finishes)  
**Warnings:** bad language, angst  
**Author's Notes: I must say thank you to everyone that has followed this story, and for all the support and encouragement you have given. To my regular readers who began this journey with me from the very beginning and have stayed with me through all this time, and to everyone else that took the time to read and review, thank you very much. **

**Disclaimer: **I do not own any of the characters in this, they belong to the creators of 'Gravitation', and I'm certainly not making any profits from this although I have enjoyed using them enormously!

Chapter 40

Yuki stepped out of his door, immediately drawing out his packet of cigarettes and lighting one as he walked downstairs to where his car was parked. This particular block of apartments had underground parking available for the tenants which was very appealing to him. It kept his beloved Mercedes better protected than if he had to park on the street.

He was heading for another meeting with Mizuki, one of many that there had been over the past few weeks. The final touches for his book were being discussed, the artwork for the cover was already at the printers, and it seemed that all systems were go. However, he couldn't even find an ounce of interest or enthusiasm, let alone excitement, at the prospect of its release. It was just another book, like the one before and, no doubt, like the one to follow. He could find no sense of satisfaction for his work. Was he destined to feel like this, this emptiness, from now on, he wondered?

He reached into his pocket and pulled out the remote, leaving his cigarette dangling from his lips, and pressed the button, hearing the click from the car he was approaching. He heard a sound, the scuff of a shoe, somewhere behind him and he spun around quickly, wondering if he was about to be a victim of a car-jacking. A figure moved in the shadows, drawing closer. He tensed, smoking cigarette clamped between his teeth.

Hiroshi Nakano stepped into the pale light filtering down to this darkness, dressed in his bike leathers and holding his helmet in one hand. He must have left his bike parked outside, Yuki thought, relaxing a little at seeing a familiar face, instead of a stranger. Though Hiro being here was odd enough in its own way.

He turned back to his car. "So what brings you crawling out of the woodwork?" he said bluntly. He had no interest in speaking with Hiro. He had no interest in associating with anyone from Bad Luck.

He heard Hiro come closer until he was standing next to him. "Why haven't you been to see Shuichi yet?" Hiro asked outright.

Yuki raised an eye brow as he looked over at the red-haired youth. His lip curled in a grimace. "Why should I?" he answered coldly.

"Because did you ever think that perhaps he might like to see you again?" Hiro responded passionately, "You were the one who found him, remember?"

Yuki shrugged, leaning nonchalantly against the car. "So what? He's got everyone else now. He doesn't need me to hold his hand."

Hiro's eyes narrowed in anger. "You are such a cold-hearted bastard," he hissed. "You go to all the trouble of finding him, trying to get him to come back to Japan, and now he's here you just brush him aside? What the hell do you think you're doing, you prick? Are you saying that somewhere between him going missing and you finding him, you stopped caring? Do you blame him for all the trouble it's been to find him? Is that it!"

Yuki's own eyes narrowed as he glared at Hiro, anger building at the verbal attack. "What I do, or think, is none of your fucking business," he snarled, spitting out his cigarette and ignoring where it fell, still smoldering, as he faced the other angry man. "You don't own me, you don't have any right to even speak to me. What I think of that stupid brat is my business and mine alone!"

He turned away again, reaching for the door handle when a hand slammed against the window, forcing it shut once more. He turned his head to glare daggers at Hiro who now stood within centimeters of his own body, crowding in on him. He could feel the anger radiating from the man, could almost see him quivering with those pent up emotions.

"I should smash your smug face in," Hiro grated out, "You're just messing with Shuichi again. Messing with his head, making him think that things are different to what they are. We've all gone along with what you wanted and not said anything to him because it was supposed to be what was best for Shuichi. I went along with it because I thought you just wanted to be able to tell him when you were ready. To tell him that you loved him. I didn't agree to this charade so you could toss him aside like a used rag just like you used to! I thought you had fucking got over all that crap! Are you telling me that after everything you two have been through that it was all a FUCKING LIE!"

The last was shouted directly into Yuki's face and at that he snapped. He reached out and pushed Hiro away forcefully, making the younger man stagger backwards and only preventing himself from falling to the ground by grabbing the wall nearby to keep him on his feet. Yuki's hands were clenched in fists, trying to restrain himself from lashing out and taking out all his frustrations, anger and hurt in the physical form of beating the other man to a bloody pulp. He held himself in place, knowing that if he even took one step towards Hiro he would lose it completely, and there was nothing that would stop him.

"What's it to you, you arrogant little prick?" he spat out, voice ragged with anger. "What do you care what I do? Shuichi's all yours still. You don't have to share him now. You can have complete control over everything he does and know that you will always be his number one. That's what you want, isn't it? You can't bear for anyone else to have what you want! You always wanted everything I had, isn't that right? What's the difference with this? Everything that was once mine is now yours, so you should be happy I'm not around and completely out of the picture. I can't unduly influence that moron anymore. You never could stand that I had him. That I had something that you wanted!"

"What are you talking about? I don't want anything of yours!" Hiro shouted back at him.

Yuki opened the car door and looked over his shoulder at Hiro. "Oh? You took Ayaka, now you've got Shu. Think there's a pattern here?"

He stepped into the car and started the engine, lowering the window. "Don't throw stones at other people when the glass walls around yourself are cracked already."

He revved the engine and sped out of the bay with a squeal of tyres, leaving Hiro staring after him.

Hiro looked at the empty ramp where Yuki's car had vanished. Damn that jerk, he fumed, turning and walking up the ramp towards where he had parked his bike. Damn him to every hell in existence! He threw his leg over the bike and jammed his helmet on firmly, still feeling the anger running through him. He was furious, absolutely furious. Angrier than he had ever been at Yuki over all the things that had ever happened between he and Shuichi. He thought he might even be angrier than when he found out that Shu had been raped.

He gunned the engine and raced down the road. How dare Yuki blame him for all this! How dare that prick claim he wanted to steal Shu away from him! And what the hell did his relationship with Ayaka have to do with it! Yuki hadn't wanted her and he did, so why shouldn't he have pursued it? Besides, she came to him first. It was her choice. Yuki had nothing to do with it!

He almost didn't spot the red light in time and threw the brakes on hard, both foot and hand, to come squealing to a halt halfway over the pedestrian crossing. Fortunately there was no hapless citizen there at the time. He let out a deep breath. Damn that arrogant, fucking idiot! He fumed, backing up. He mentally shook his head. He had to keep his mind clear. He wasn't going to let that prick be the cause of him having an accident.

The light turned green and this time he concentrated on what he was doing, pulling away in a more controlled manner than he had been riding before. That's it! Hiro snarled in his mind. I'm going to talk to Shuichi and find out just what exactly he does remember about that jerk! I'm sure he remembered something that first night back at the club. He had to have with that reaction. So I need to know what he's remembered. And I'm going to tell him a few home truths as well. That fucking bastard had better be prepared to have one really pissed off Shuichi thrown at him - and I hope Shu breaks his nose!

Feeling better for his decision, Hiro continued on his way to the studio. There was still a lot for them to be doing to get ready for the tour, but they were almost there.

Yuki was glad things were nearly over now. His latest book had been released a little earlier than had been anticipated, which made Mizuki more than pleased. Yuki had even managed to be his usual charming self to the legion of fans who flocked to the book signing on the release date, although extra security had to be called to control the swooning female crush. Throughout it all, Yuki felt like his face was going to crack from forcing himself to maintain his false smile but he had held on. As soon as it was over though, he had brushed past Mizuki without a word and driven home.

He walked straight to the fridge and pulled out a beer, drinking one straight down where he stood before tossing the empty can into the sink and grabbing another. He flopped down on the lounge, feeling the tenseness in his neck and shoulder muscles. He let out a long drawn out sigh, rubbing a hand over his eyes. Gods, he was just so tired!

He leant back, taking another long drink. He couldn't even get up the energy to light a cigarette although he was dying for one. His eyes fell on the jumble near his front door. He had stormed right past it when he had entered, actually deliberately ignoring it. Now, he couldn't. He took another drink, not taking his eyes from the pile. He chewed his bottom lip for a moment, then his eyes narrowed and he stood up abruptly. He wasn't going to put it off any longer. He almost slammed the half full beer can down on the coffee table before stalking over to the hall phone. He picked it up and stabbed at the numbers with his finger, anger evident in every action.

"Hello, Eiri," the voice at the other end was very familiar.

"Tohma," Yuki acknowledged. His number would have shown up on Tohma's phone so he could easily identify the caller.

"How did the book signing go?" Tohma enquired.

Just how did he know about that? Yuki wondered, then mentally shrugged. Tohma always seemed to know everything - that was just Tohma.

"As well as can be expected," Yuki replied curtly.

Tohma chuckled. "In other words, it went very well and your book is bound to be a best seller. Again."

"Whatever,"

"So what can I do for you?" Tohma queried.

"I want you to collect some stuff from my place."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. None of it's mine. No point it being here." Yuki didn't say anything more. Anyone else would have been confused by this cryptic conversation, but to Tohma it all made perfect sense. Unfortunately he knew exactly what Yuki was saying, and why he was asking, as much as he wished he didn't.

"Are you sure about this?" Tohma's voice crackled on the phone.

"Yes."

He heard Tohma's soft sigh. "Very well then. I'll come round in a few days. I'm sure Shindou will appreciate it."

"Yeah,"

"You haven't asked about him once."

Silence, then Yuki heard Tohma sigh again. "I understand. Just to let you know, he's doing very well. Far better than I would have thought. You really should at least say hello to him sometime."

"Hmm," was Yuki's noncommittal response.

Another sigh. "I'll call you when I'm coming over."

"All right." and Yuki hung up.

He looked down at the bags and boxes piled neatly at his front door. He had reached a point where he could stand it no longer and had finally found the courage to pack up all of Shuichi's belongings from around his apartment. Despite it being supposedly cleaned out before he had returned from America, he had still been finding the odd item that had previously belonged to his partner.

It had been a painful process. He hadn't wanted to remove any of it. Every item, every article, made him feel like Shuichi was still there, still with him. Leaving the youth's things just where he had left them, almost made Yuki believe that he would find Shuichi waiting for him. That he would one day walk back through Yuki's door and back into his life.

But he had had to be realistic and finally accept that this was not going to happen. Shuichi was gone. Gone from his life for good. After the long search, the joy of finding him alive, after all that, Yuki had still lost him.

So he had steeled himself and began to pack everything up. It had taken a long time, and it was surprising just how much there was. In every room, almost in every nook and cranny of the apartment, Yuki had found something of Shuichi's; a video still left in the machine, a bottle of shampoo in the shower, a poster stuck to the back of a door, a stupid theme pen in his study, pairs of sox mixed in amongst his own, scraps of lyrics written in the oddest places and on the oddest things and jumbled in with Yuki's things. The boy had invaded every portion of Yuki's home, his life…and heart.

Now it was all packed and waiting to be returned to its owner. He had decided to get Tohma to pick it up as he knew where Shuichi was now living. Yuki hadn't asked. He didn't want to know as it was too painful; too painful to think of his young partner living with his bright, young girlfriend, and settling down together to a happy life. He was sure that was what Shuichi was setting up. He remembered only too well that Shuichi had said Annette would be joining him. Yuki still found he got angry thinking about it. In his mind, and heart, Shuichi belonged with no-one other than himself.

He felt himself getting maudlin, the black cloud of depression settling over him. He was back on medication for that as well as his ulcer and associated problems. He had once thought that he would never have a need to take anything like that again. With Shuichi around, how could he ever have found the time or energy to get depressed? The youth's naturally cheerful demeanour could always breach Yuki's walls, could always bring an un-wanted smile to his lips. How he missed him!

Grabbing his coat and keys, he slammed out of his apartment, fleeing the ghosts of past memories. He had to get away for a bit, to try and find his equilibrium again. Once he had, he could return. He walked quickly, feeling grateful for the darkness of the night that closed in around him.

Tohma hung up the phone and sat looking at it silently for a moment longer before swivelling his chair around with a sigh. So that was it, he thought, gazing out at the last of the setting sun, watching the deepening shadows slowly creep across the landscape. It seemed pointless now him trying to interfere.

He sighed softly again. As much as he wanted to get involved he realized that he could not. Eiri and Shindou had gone their separate ways. They had made their choices, returned to their former lives, and seemed determined to remain apart. He clenched his hands together and squeezed - hard. He wanted to interfere so badly, every fibre of his being screaming at him to do something to alleviate Eiri's pain for he knew he was in pain. He knew his brother-in-law too well to not pick up every subtle nuance in tone of voice and look on that beloved face.

He heard the door open softly behind him but didn't turn as the faint whiff of his favourite perfume drifted to where he was seated. That was because it was worn by his favourite person. He sighed again, this time in pleasure, as two hands curled around the sides of the chair to rest on his shoulders and began kneading the muscles.

"You're worrying,"

He looked up at the speaker of the quiet voice, meeting Mika's clear grey eyes gazing steadily down at him from above. He gave a small smile. "Now why would you think that?" he asked.

She sniffed at that statement, her hands not ceasing their movement. "Because no matter what you manage to hide in your face, your shoulders always knot up when you worry."

His smile grew warmer. Oh, yes, Mika knew him far too well.

"You're worrying about them," she said. 'Them' being Eiri and Shuichi.

"Hmm," He closed his eyes for a moment, relaxing into the gentle, yet firm pressure on his tight muscles. It felt good.

"What are you going to do?"

He opened his eyes at Mika's question, looking up at her again. "What do you mean? What do you think I should do?"

"You must have some ideas,"

"No." he responded honestly.

"But you can always find something to do," No-one, but he, would have been able to hear the faint touch of pleading in her tone.

"I can't." he answered in a tone of finality.

Mika's hands paused in their ministrations. "You can't mean that…."

"Oh, but I do,"' he said serenely, wishing she would continue the massage.

"But you always do something!"

He stood and left the chair, moving over to the window. The city was now cloaked in darkness beyond that pane of glass. "Not this time." he answered, feeling sad at the thought. He turned to face his wife where she still stood, holding onto the chair as if for support. He could tell from the expression on her face that she was hurt by his refusal. He was sorry to be the cause of that hurt for he knew how much Mika had been worrying about her brother. She had become used to knowing that he would step in to put things right. Well, not this time. This one was beyond even his abilities, as much as it pained him to admit it, and it had taken him this long to reach that conclusion. If he tried to force the situation any further he was afraid he may break both the pieces in play on this chessboard, and that is not what he wanted.

He stretched a hand out towards Mika, holding it steady there in the silence. Mika made no move to take it at first, then gracefully stepped around the chair to place her hand in his. A flood of relief swept through him at that contact as he released the breath he had been holding. If she had refused he didn't know what he would have done.

He closed his fingers around her long slender ones and drew her closer to him, slipping an arm around her waist to bring her tighter into an embrace. "I can't do anything more this time, my love," he whispered into her hair, feeling it tickle his nose. "Both Eiri and Shindou have chosen their own paths, and this time I can't afford to interfere."

Mika's arms stole around her husband's waist, leaning against him for a moment. "That must be hard for you," she said quietly.

He chuckled, shifting slightly so he could reach up and stroke her hair. Oh, yes, she knew him so well. "It is. Very." he admitted. He drew back a little placing a finger under her shapely chin to lift her face so he could gaze into her eyes. "As much as I want to see them back together, it would appear that it is not to be. As much as that is what I want, if they do not want it, it is a wasted effort. On all our parts."

Mika's eyes flashed for a moment, understanding the warning he was giving but still prepared to argue. "But it is what they want!" she said passionately.

"Is it?" he questioned calmly.

"Yes!" she responded forcefully. "Eiri loves Shuichi! He needs him!"

"And what of Shindou?" he asked. "What does he want?"

"He.." her sentence trailed off, and he nodded as he saw the understanding in her eyes.

"Exactly. I know Eiri needs him, but if Shindou is not prepared to return to him, or is unable to, what good does it do anyone? We all want what is best for Eiri, but we have forgotten that that may not be what is best for Shindou."

"We should have told him the truth," Mika grumbled, dropping her eyes.

Tohma shrugged. "Most likely, but that also wasn't our choice. And who knows, perhaps even more damage may have been done if we had. We'll never know now. What's done is done."

Mika dropped her head to his shoulder with a deep sigh of regret, burying her face into the side of his neck. "Poor Eiri," she murmured, her arms tightening around his waist once more. "I can't bear to see him so lost."

Tohma felt his own heart clench in pain. He, too, could hardly bear it, but he didn't know what else to do. He feared that anything he tried would only bring more pain to both parties. He dropped a light kiss to the temple of his wife, feeling her lean into his touch. "Come on. Let's go home." and he steered her from the room, taking one last look at the rainy night visage through the window as he switched off the light before closing the door. As they walked down the dark and silent halls he wondered what Eiri and Shuichi were doing right now.

Shuichi fled into the night. He ran and ran, with no thought of where he was going, no planned destination to reach. He dodged around people who were nothing more than blurs to his tear-filled eyes. Still he ran, managing to avoid the traffic, heading… nowhere.

Finally he had to stop, stop because he physically could go no further. He leant both hands against the wall beside him, head hanging down as he took in great gulps of air. His lungs were burning from the exertion, starved for oxygen as they were. Every breath hurt, his chest still heaving and a stitch cramping his sides. His leg was aching with a deep dull throb much as it once had when he had been lying in hospital so long ago. It brought back too many bad memories; memories of pain, confusion, loss. His mind was thinking of nothing except to get past the pain his body was feeling.

At first he didn't feel the cold drops of water that fell on him. It wasn't until it became quite a deluge that he even noticed at all as the water ran over his head and dripped off the end of his nose and chin. He slowly straightened up and turned to rest his back against the wall, tipping his face upwards with closed eyes, feeling the cold water strike his face and wash over him. It felt good in one way, like it was trying to wash him clean, wash everything away. If only it could.

He could remember now. He could remember Yuki. He could remember his time with Yuki. It hadn't all been a farce like he had thought all this time. It had been real - all of it. All that time it had been real! And look what he had done!

Shuichi pushed himself away from the wall and began walking. He couldn't run anymore, everything hurt too much. He limped along, favouring his injured leg, hand pressed against his side to try and ease the stitch still pulling there. His thoughts continued to tumble over themselves as more and more memories came back to him. He remembered how he had come to live with Yuki, turning up on his doorstep unannounced, forcing Yuki to accept him for that trial 'week'; a week that led to months, then years.

He remembered that first kiss once more and what happened after. He remembered more clearly now their first time together, that night when they were truly intimate. Yes, he had been terrified and it had hurt like hell, but he now could remember the pleasure he had felt also. Not just the physical pleasure from the act, but the emotional pleasure of being that close to the person he loved so much. Even now he could feel his face heat under the coolness of the rain still pelting down on him. He could remember that, and the other times after. They had had sex – many times, and they had been together for a long time. It hadn't just been some fleeting moment. They had been a couple, they had been living together, and been openly accepted by the public. They had been in a real relationship! So what had happened?

The tears still fell, tears that felt hot in contrast to the drops of rain that also trailed down his face. He turned and staggered blindly onwards into the night, avoiding the odd passing pedestrian as they hurried along seeking shelter from the change of weather. What had happened to all that they had shared, he thought? Why wasn't Yuki with him now? What had happened!

Soon he couldn't go on any further. The physical pain and the emotional stress was now too much for his body to cope with all at the same time. With a deep sob he slid to the ground where he had stopped, legs folding untidily under him. His shoulders shook as he cried harder. Why had it turned out like this? It wasn't supposed to have been like this! There was supposed to have been the 'happily ever after' for them! He /wanted/ the fairytale! Instead he was living a nightmare.

He cried harder.

Eventually he looked up, peering through the falling rain at his surroundings, and finally taking note of what was around him for the first time. Suddenly he realized just where he was. He couldn't stop the laughter that bubbled up, slipping between the sobs as he continued to cry. He knew this place - how could he ever forget it. It was here that he had come after that other time in his life that he thought he would die from the pain. The laughter and tears were combining to form a strange hiccupping that he couldn't control. This was just too bizarre, like a strange re-run of a previous event. This couldn't be real. Things like this just don't happen.

His hand fumbled into the pocket of his open jacket, struggling against the wet material that clung to his chilled flesh. Sure enough, there it was, as though it was waiting for just this moment. It was a good thing he was usually too lazy to take it out of his pocket. He pulled out the cell phone and punched the stored number, listening to the ring tone until it was picked up.

Hiro lay back on the couch, one long leg draped over the back in a completely relaxed pose that belied the tenseness his inner thoughts gave him. He had been trying to speak to Shuichi for nearly a week after his little altercation with Yuki but it just never seemed the right time to do so. It wasn't just something he could blurt out with no lead up to it, but no matter how hard he had tried he had not been able to find the right moment. They had been so busy with the lead up to the tour which was starting soon that they were all running full tilt with barely a moment to breathe. It had been impossible to get Shuichi even alone for long enough to have a meaningful discussion, there had always seemed to be someone else around him for one reason or another. Even when it was time to go home, they hadn't been finishing at the same time due to each of them being involved in different areas of the tour set up; Hiro spending most of his time with the sound techs for the instrumental side of things, and Shuichi concentrating on the vocals and general stage production to show Bad Luck in the best possible way. Shuichi really did have an eye for that sort of thing, although he could get a little carried away at times. He was definitely the most artistic, and flamboyant, of them all!

Hiro fumed quietly. The words Yuki had thrown at him that day still made him furious, even just thinking about them. They were completely unfair, and untrue! Okay, he was seeing Ayaka now, he couldn't deny that, but he wasn't seeing her because she had once been with Yuki! How arrogant could that prick be! He was seeing Ayaka because he liked her, and had from the start. Although she was an extremely traditional girl, and not exactly completely open to people at first, he had caught a glimpse of another side of her nature when they had spent that first night singing karaoke until dawn. She had been extremely hesitant about singing at first, but then he had seen her face light up with the music and she soon began to relax and enjoy it. She actually had a very nice singing voice. Probably not marketable, a little too light and husky, but pleasant to listen to none-the-less. And it had harmonized with his own voice so well it was like they were meant to be. During that long night he had found out that Ayaka secretly liked many types of music and it was a hidden passion of hers. She had no desire to take it further as far as a career went, but she certainly did love it. Hiro admitted that he probably could have only been happy going out with a girl who enjoyed music just as much as he did. It was sort of a prerequisite for dating a guitarist in a band! So that was why he came to like Ayaka - not because she was engaged to that bastard Yuki!

And why the hell would Yuki think that he wanted Shuichi! That was just plain weird! What had he meant by all that crap! Shuichi was his friend and had been since forever. They had shared everything together for all these years, all the ups and downs, managed to get through the arguments and fights, and they were still here. They had pursued their dream together and, against all the odds, actually achieved it! He couldn't imagine his life without Shuichi in it. Whilst his friend had been missing Hiro had felt like half his soul was missing also. Yes, he loved Shuichi, but it wasn't in the same way that he loved Ayaka, just as he knew that Shuichi didn't love him in the same way that he loved Yuki. Though why he /ever/ had loved such a cold-hearted, callous bastard he didn't know!

Hiro ground his teeth together silently. He was just so angry, and he was not the type of person who got angry very often. Ayaka always praised him for his calm, unflappable attitude to things. She had said that it made her feel very safe and secure with him. He had felt really pleased when he heard her say that. He only ever wanted her to feel that way when she was with him. She wouldn't be happy to see him stewing like this – and it was all because of that jerk!

He took a deep breath and held it for a moment before releasing it slowly, forcing himself to relax and try and clear his head. No matter what Yuki said, he knew he did not want Shuichi in that way, and never had. Yuki was just being a complete idiot if he really thought that! Yet, he also didn't want Shuichi to be with Yuki if all that was going to happen was that his friend was going to be hurt again. He had seen that happen for too long before and he had no intention of letting such a thing happen again, certainly not for as long as what it had back then either. Yuki had his chance the first time, so if he wants Shuichi he had better damn well treat him properly right from the start! None of that nonsense about having to build up to it or some such crap!

So why didn't Yuki go to see Shuichi? It didn't make any sense to Hiro at all. The man had traveled all around the world, spent months searching for Shuichi to bring him home, and then when he succeeds in that, what does he do? Nothing, naddah, a big fat zero! What the hell was that bastard thinking!

The phone began to ring and he looked at in surprise. He wasn't expecting any calls and he actually didn't have many people who did call him at this hour of the night. He had already spoken to Ayaka this evening so it was unlikely to be her, unless something was wrong. Frowning in concern he swung his leg down and reached over to grab the phone. "Hello?"

He recognized the voice, even if it was a little indistinct and broken with sobs. Oh, yes, he knew that voice far too well to ever mistake it for anyone else's. And the way it sounded now made him remember all too vividly another time, long ago, when he had received just such a call in the middle of the night that had torn his world and heart apart.

He dropped the phone and ran down the stairs, taking them two at a time, dashing through the doors and into the night with the umbrella over his shoulder. It was still raining, though not as hard as it had been earlier. Sure enough, there almost in the exact same spot, a thin figure sat slumped against the wall. It looked up as he approached, looked up with a face that was tear streaked, eyes swollen and red, hair so wet it was plastered to the head. That lost look was the same that he had seen before, and it broke his heart.

He saw Shuichi's lips curl into a horrible semblance of a smile as he spoke in a voice that cracked, "I seem to end up here all the time, don't I? Just like some sort of stray cat. Seems like I've developed a habit that whenever things go wrong I come crawling to you. Just like that last time. I guess I don't have anywhere else to go to. You must think I'm pretty pathetic. Sorry, I just can't seem to help it." A sob cut off anything else Shuichi may have said.

The umbrella fell to the ground, abandoned, as Hiro knelt by his friend's side in the rain and reached out to draw him into his embrace, feeling how wet and chilled Shuichi was. "You're not pathetic," he murmured into the wet hair, holding the youth close. "You can come here whenever you need to, you know that."

Shuichi clung to him and continued to sob into his shoulder. Reaching around, Hiro gathered him into his arms and lifted him easily. Shuichi had always been slight, even now he wasn't carrying any extra weight so it wasn't that much of a hardship. Fortunately Shuichi was too upset to think of struggling which would have made it far more difficult, but as it was Hiro was able to get him indoors and up in the lift to his apartment. He hadn't locked the door behind him so, with only a little fumbling, he was able to swing the door wide and carry his dripping bundle inside, kicking the door shut behind.

He went straight to the couch and deposited Shuichi there before heading for the bathroom and returning in a moment with a couple of large fluffy towels; one of which he draped around Shuichi's shoulders, the other over his head. Hiro moved over and pulled the small heater closer and switched it on. He generally only used it for really cold evenings in winter but Shuichi needed it now so he could warm up quickly before he was chilled right through.

He reached over and began to rub Shuichi's hair with the towel, still hearing the soft sobs coming from underneath the draped cloth. "I'm sorry, Hiro," he heard Shuichi finally say. "I'm sorry to bother you like this."

"What have you got to be sorry for?" he replied, still rubbing. "That's what friends are for, you know."

"Thanks," was the soft reply.

"So what happened?" Hiro finally asked after a moment more of rubbing.

He felt Shuichi's body shake beneath his touch as a fresh wave of tears were released. "I…remember," he could barely hear the whisper, "I remember…Yuki."

Hiro stopped rubbing for a moment and then began again. What did Shuichi mean, he wondered. "What about him?" he prodded gently.

He felt Shuichi lift his head, one hand reaching up to push back the folds of the towel so he could look Hiro directly in the face. "I remember that he and I…had a relationship."

Hiro's heart leapt with relief for a moment. Yes - finally! Finally the truth was going to come out and they wouldn't have to keep up this fool charade any longer! Though, and he looked closely at Shuichi's strained face, he doesn't look very happy about this at all. Something wasn't right. He had thought that Shuichi would be far more relieved, and more joyful at having those memories back.

"What did I do wrong?"

"Huh?" Hiro was taken off-guard by the sudden question, not understanding it. "What do you mean?"

"What did I do wrong to make Yuki hate me so much? Why doesn't he love me any more? He wouldn't even live with me any longer! He's lied to me! You all have!" Now Shuichi was glaring at him with real anger. It wasn't too often that you saw Shuichi angry at anything, really angry. Although this time he had every right to be, Hiro acknowledged to himself with a sigh.

Hiro ran a hand through his long hair, dragging it back from his face. "Yeah, I know we have, but we did it because we were asked to."

"Who by?" Shuichi demanded.

"Yuki," Hiro answered, and then immediately realized that he should have explained first before replying, for sure enough his friend's face completely crumpled with pain.

"He wanted you all to lie to me because he hates me that much? Did he hate everything about our time together before so badly?" Tears ran down Shuichi's face in a steady stream.

"No! It wasn't like that!" Hiro hurried to try to alleviate his friend's distress in some way. "He didn't want to put any pressure on you. That's why he asked us to keep it a secret! He wanted you to have the time to get yourself back together and remember at your own pace. That's all."

"That's all!" Shuichi almost shouted now, hands clenched in fists on his knees, tears still in his eyes although there was rage in his voice. "That's all! How can you even think 'that's all'? He LIED to me! To me! The person he was supposed to love! Is that any way you would treat someone you supposedly loved more than anyone else? Well, is it!"

Hiro was finding it hard to not agree with Shuichi's point of view, yet at the same time he did half understand where Yuki had been coming from as well, even if he hadn't agreed with it. He could remember how Yuki had looked when they had first arrived in Quebec and realized that Shuichi didn't remember anything about his relationship with the other man. He could remember how bad Yuki had looked. Although he looked even worse now since his return to Japan. That man really was an idiot!

Shuichi continued to rant, anger and hurt radiating from his entire body. "He just decided what was right for me, without even asking me what I want! He wouldn't even let me come home – to my REAL home, with him! He won't even come and see me, or talk to me! I've been agonising for months now, thinking that I had done something dreadful to him and hurt him, when all the time he was just laughing at me and had just moved on with his life and forgotten about me!"

The palpable distress of his best friend cut right through Hiro and he reached out to grab Shuichi by the shoulders, giving him a sharp shake to stop the tirade of angry words. He saw Shuichi's eyes focus back on him as he spoke forcefully, "Stop it, Shu! Don't you understand! Yuki loved you so much he went looking for you! As soon as he heard about the accident he went over there to try and find you. He had thought he had lost you but he still kept looking. He dropped everything here to just find you and he kept on going, never giving up. You weren't just lovers, Shu, you were partners - in everything! Don't you remember the rings you exchanged? Don't you remember the commitment that you made to each other?"

Shuichi automatically glanced down at his left hand. There was no ring there, and he knew that from the time he had awoken in hospital he had never had a ring. Not surprising in one way. It was likely it didn't survive the crash, either being pulled off or more likely slipping off due to the blood that had liberally coated him at that time. There wasn't even a tan mark left to signify perhaps that one had resided there at one time, not after all this time. However, on the ring finger was a small jagged scar circling a portion of that finger, as though something had been there once, and had ripped into the skin as it was torn away. Something like a ring perhaps.

"It wasn't just you, Shuichi. Yuki made that commitment as well. You made it together. Do you think he would have done that if he hadn't truly meant it? You know what he's like better than anyone. He doesn't do things that he doesn't want to!"

Shuichi rubbed at the tiny scar and looked back up at Hiro in tears. "So why does he hate me now?" he said brokenly, looking crushed.

"He doesn't," Hiro tried to explain. "He doesn't hate you at all. But he's a stubborn bastard who is completely lacking in any people skills, and he never knows how to admit that he was wrong." Hiro squeezed Shuichi's shoulders tightly. "He hasn't forgotten you, I swear he hasn't. But he's a useless prick sometimes and he probably doesn't know what to say to you now after all of this. It was a big shock to him that you didn't remember him."

"So this is all my fault now!" Shuichi's eyes flashed in anger.

"Hey, no! I wasn't saying that!" Hiro tried to calm him again without avail.

Shuichi sprang to his feet and began pacing. "But that's what Yuki thinks, isn't it? That prick blames me for not remembering. The fact that I was damn lucky to even be alive he's not even taking into account! That jerk! Who does he think he is! He kicks me out of my place, packs up my things, touches my Nittle Grasper collection, and keeps lying to me all this time - and he still makes it out to be my fault!"

Hiro clapped a hand over his eyes and shook his head in despair. Between the two of them he sometimes didn't know who was the bigger idiot! Why couldn't they just get their act together and finally sort themselves out and stop giving everyone else a headache!

"Shuichi, stop it!" he snapped, getting to his feet and going over to his friend and standing in his way so he was forced to halt his frantic pacing, gripping his shoulders. "Will you just settle down! Look, I know you're mad, and I'm not going to try and tell you what Yuki is thinking because I haven't got a clue what that man is thinking half the time! I just know that he was really concerned for you and did everything he could to get you home. You don't do that for someone you hate, you know that! You know what Yuki is like. Think about it - remember what he had been like before. You've been with him a long time, and been through so much with him, you know how he thinks better than anyone. He doesn't do things the way you would expect a normal person to. Hell/you/ don't do things the way a normal person would! That's what makes the two of you such a perfect pair in some ways. You're both completely fucked up!"

Shuichi just stared at Hiro, some of the anger fading away. "So if he's supposed to still love me, why did he kick me out of our home?" he finally asked more quietly.

Hiro shrugged, "I don't know. All I know is that he thought you would probably freak to find out you had been living with a man before. You had a girlfriend then, remember? He didn't know how you would react to that sort of news about your past. Personally I think he was scared to admit that he was your lover when it had seemed that you had moved on and was in love with someone else. That would have hurt his ego a hell of a lot."

"Yeah," Shuichi murmured, "Yeah, that sounds more like him."

"Exactly," Hiro agreed. "So he was doing a bit of covering his ass because he didn't want to look like a fool. I think he was trying to prepare himself for the fact that you didn't love him anymore, and I don't think he was coping too good with that idea. Yuki doesn't seem to handle rejection very well from what I've seen."

Shuichi snorted, "He really hasn't had to deal with it that much in his life. Generally he's always got everything he's wanted."

"Probably why he was so shit scared that you didn't seem to remember him, or your time together. That must have been a real kick in the guts for him."

"Guess so," Shuichi said softly. "It probably did hurt him. More than he would have let on."

Hiro released Shuichi's shoulders and went to sit back down on the couch, picking up one of the towels discarded there and tossing it back to Shuichi who caught it. "So do you see now? Does that make a little more sense to you? None of us knew what you were remembering about Yuki, or if you had remembered anything about your life with him, you weren't saying so we didn't know if we should be telling you stuff or not."

Shuichi absently began to dry his hair. "I was only remembering bits and pieces, and it was all mangled together so I couldn't make heads or tails of it. I thought it had all been a one sided affair on my part and that it was just play-acting on his."

"You think you could have done that good a job of it?" Hiro asked with a quizzical eyebrow raised.

Shuichi shrugged, "I don't know. That's just what seemed to make sense from what I could remember, and what little people had said. I didn't know what else to think about it. Actually being in a relationship with Yuki didn't seem like a possibility at that time."

"Well, I suppose that was true. Look, I'm sorry I lied to you," Hiro said seriously, looking over at his friend. "I didn't like doing it, but I didn't know if it was the right or wrong thing to do at the time."

Shuichi paused in his rubbing for a moment and grimaced, "I can't honestly say that you didn't do the right thing. I don't know how this would have turned out if you had told me the truth right from the start. Look, it's over with now. Forget it." Shuichi came and sat on the couch next to Hiro and continued rubbing his wet hair.

"So what are you going to do now?" Hiro asked.

"Don't know." Shuichi answered quietly.

"Aren't you going to see him?"

Shuichi paused again. "I…don't think so. I wouldn't know what to say to him."

Hiro rolled his eyes and then turned to grab his friend by the arms and gave him a shake that was hard enough to rattle his teeth. "Gods, you are such an idiot! As much as Yuki is! You two are completely impossible! Go, go find him! Talk to him! He's out there and he's still in love with you, I would stake my life on it. If you don't go and talk to him, you two are going to dance around each other forever and never resolve this! You'll drive the rest of us crazy! You have to go and talk to him!"

"What…what if he truly doesn't love me anymore?" Shuichi said in a small voice.

"Then at least you'll finally know the truth and you won't have to be left wondering about it forever more." Hiro said pragmatically. "Isn't that better than constantly guessing and worrying?"

Hiro did have a point, Shuichi realised, feeling the ache in his chest lessen a little. To finally know the truth, the whole truth, would be a relief. Then at least he would know where he was going from there.

"You had better get out of those wet clothes." Hiro suddenly said, changing the subject. "Go and have a hot shower and we'll put these out to dry. You can borrow some of my stuff in the meantime."

Shuichi looked up at his friend. "Are you sure?"

Hiro smiled at him. "'Course I am. Though you do realize that I look much better in my clothes than you do? You have a lousy dress sense!"

"Yeah, right!" Shuichi half snorted, looking a little more normal now as he rose and walked to the shower. He was beginning to feel a little better about himself and the situation also.

As he stood under the warm water he could feel the chill fading from his body and also the anger receding in his mind. He still didn't fully understand why Yuki had done what he had, why he had insisted on this big charade for so long, but Hiro had argued so convincingly that he realized that he had to confront Yuki himself and ask those questions. Only once he had received the answers could he begin to make some decisions about what he was to do for the future.

He slipped into Hiro's borrowed sweat pants and top, rolling the sleeves and legs up a little as they were too long for his shorter stature. Fortunately the drawstring ensured that they didn't slip off his slim hips completely so he wouldn't be in danger of embarrassing himself in public.

Hioro looked up as he exited the bathroom, smiling at his comical appearance. "Say one word and I'll throw something at you.' Shuichi threatened, waving a fist in his direction.

"Now, would I say anything?" Hiro replied, trying to look innocent.

"Huh," Shuichi responded. "You sure it's okay for me to borrow these?"

Hiro waved him on his way. "Yeah, no problem. You can pick your clothes up some other time."

"Thanks. For everything," Shuichi said with feeling. What would he do without Hiro in his life, he wondered. He hoped he would never have to find out.

"Go on, get out of here." Hiro said with a smile, shooing him towards the door. "You've got things to do. Think about what I've said." Shuichi opened the door and stepped out when Hiro spoke again. "Remember, if things don't work out or you ever need anything, you know where I am."

Shuichi looked back over his shoulder. "Thanks, Hiro."

"Anytime." was his friend's warm response.

Hiro remained staring at the closed door for a moment more and then leant his head back on the back of the couch. What a night! He felt like his own emotions had been on a roller-coaster along with Shuichi's, as his friend oscillated between anger and despair. He had to admit that he felt a huge amount of relief now that everything was out in the open. It resolved his issues as well. He hoped that the two of them could work things out.

He suddenly began to laugh quietly. Who would have thought that he would have argued so ardently in Yuki's favour to get Shuichi back together with him! What was the world coming to! He reached down and picked up the wet towels and took them back to the bathroom. Well, tomorrow was another day. Let's see what it brings.

Shuichi left Hiro's apartment and paused outside. It was no longer raining and looking at the sky there was no sign of an impending shower to come in the near future so he felt it was safe to walk at this time. He knew his way home from here, now that he had his bearings, and he still needed to think. He had his cell phone, and Hiro had loaned him some money so if he needed to grab a taxi he could do so. He had no intention of getting caught in a downpour again. Once per night was more than enough.

He thought about what Hiro had told him. Some of what he had said made sense, but it still didn't explain everything to Shuichi's satisfaction. He could still feel the pulse of anger when he thought about having to live in his current apartment, instead of in his real home. Yuki had no right to do that to him, not again! The apartment they shared had been theirs, Yuki's and his. Yuki didn't have the right to just arbitrarily decide that he couldn't live there any longer! And lying to him! That bastard sat directly opposite and downright lied to him! He said they had just been 'friends'! The jerk!

The anger swelled higher and he consciously forced it back down, not letting it take him over completely. Calm, he had to remain calm and try and think this through rationally. He couldn't afford to have his thoughts muddled again. He had too much to try and sort out. What should he do now? Did he want to see Yuki? He concentrated on that thought now. Did he? He was angry with the man so should he see him whilst he was in this state? Wouldn't he just say something that he would probably regret later on? Or say something that made Yuki mad? He ground his teeth together, along with another surge of anger. Fuck it if he made Yuki mad! What about him being mad! He was the one that had the right to be angry with everything, so Yuki should cut him some slack if he said anything to upset him! Yuki had said plenty over the years that had made Shuichi angry and hurt but he hadn't held that against him! It was time that Yuki got some of what he deserved!

His feet pounded on the pavement as he strode along with angry steps. He suddenly stopped. No, that wasn't right. He quelled his angry feelings once more. He couldn't see Yuki whilst he was so angry, that wouldn't resolve anything. All they would end up doing would be probably to yell at each other – again. If he saw Yuki he wanted to be able to talk to him at least like an adult and not in an all out screaming match. He wanted to be able to ask serious questions and get some serious answers. Being angry wasn't going to help in that.

He began walking again, a little more slowly. He thought hard about what he could now recall of his life with Yuki. Gods, it had been difficult at the start. No, 'difficult' was definitely an understatement, 'hell' pretty much summed it up better. What the two of them had gone through during that time. Yuki had had just as many issues to sort out as Shuichi had, probably even more in some ways, but it had all been worth it in the end. He lifted his left hand up to gaze at that small scar. Yes, he remembered clearly that moment, how his heart had been so filled with emotion that he hadn't even been able to speak. When Yuki had slipped that token onto his finger, as he felt the smooth coolness of the metal encircle his skin, he had thought he would never be happier in his life than at that moment. That was the moment that had made everything else, all the pains and hurts from the past, fade into insignificance. He hugged the hand to his chest, once again feeling that flush of warmth through his entire body as he remembered that moment of pure joy. He sighed happily at the thought. Oh, yes, that had been a beautiful day. He wanted to have that back again. He wanted to see that look in Yuki's eyes as it had been at that moment.

But would he? He paused for a moment, thinking. What if things had changed, despite what Hiro thought? Perhaps Yuki had moved on by now also. He had no idea what he was up to now. What about that person that Yuki was supposed to be pining for that Tatsuha had mentioned? His stomach churned at that thought. Had he already lost Yuki? Was he too late? Who would know?

Of course. He grimaced. There was one person who would know everything. He pulled out his phone and dialed the number, waiting. He knew it was late but he hoped that it would be answered because he needed to know now. Tomorrow might be too late.

The ringing continued. Damn it, the man never turned the phone off so why wasn't he answering! Then there was click as the call was connected and a soft voice answered.

"You wanted to know if I had something to ask you," Shuichi said, "I need some answers."

Yuki wandered the dark streets aimlessly for a time until he made his way to a bar that was nearby. He sat there at the counter in the farthest corner, away from the rest of the patrons. He was onto his third drink by this time, waiting for that warmth and numbness caused by the alcohol to overtake him. So far it was holding off which was starting to piss him off. He didn't want to have to be rolling drunk to get the benefits of false oblivion. Picking up the glass again he noticed the water streaking the window nearby. It was raining, and quite heavily too. Great, he thought sourly, how much worse could this night get? He had no umbrella so he was going to get soaked trying to get home and he hated having to wait for taxis. He glared at the raindrops but they didn't lessen. He threw back the rest of his drink and signaled for the bar tender. Well, guess that meant he would just have to stay here till it had stopped then. May as well keep drinking then.

An hour or so later, the rain had ceased and he left the bar. The pavement was slick under his feet from the water, riverlets running along the gutters by the road, droplets still cascading from the overhanging signs and awnings. He tightly buttoned his coat around him, turning up the collar against the chill. He started walking in the direction of his home but still couldn't bring himself to return just yet, so instead changed direction. He wasn't as drunk as he would have liked to have been. He had had every intention of continuing with his drinking, but after his fourth he found he really couldn't stomach any more and had instead turned to coffee. So he was pretty much sober by now, which as a very depressing thought.

He walked slowly, in no rush to go any where and with no particular place in mind to head to. He simply let his feet take him in what ever direction they wished to, paying little heed to his location. When he eventually bothered to take note of his surroundings he found himself in the park. In some ways it wasn't surprising that he had ended up here. Since returning to Japan from America he would often come here. It was peaceful, quiet, and soothing to his ragged nerves during those early days. Although he knew that back then he was always hoping that, somehow, he would find a certain someone here also. It had always seemed so 'wrong' that that person wasn't here when he had come, as though something really important was missing from this place. From his many forays here, he now understood why Shuichi had always spent so much time at this park. There was just something about it that drew you to the place.

He sat down on a bench, ignoring the moisture coating the seat, trusting in the thickness of his coat to prevent the worst from soaking through to his clothes. He pulled out his packet of cigarettes and lit one, feeling the fleeting flush of heat from the flame on his face warming him. He exhaled, watching the smoke curl away lazily, as his breath steamed in the cool air.

He leant back fully on the bench, stretching one arm across the back and tilting his head up to view the night sky above. The clouds scudded rapidly across the sky, stars winking fitfully between their passing. He still didn't want to go home just yet. He snorted to himself. How stupid he was, scared to return to his own apartment like he thought it had ghosts or something! He took another drag on the cigarette, the automatic motion soothing. Perhaps it would get better once all Shuichi's things were gone, when he didn't have those constant reminders of his loss, like a constant stabbing in his heart. Where his thoughts and feelings of Shuichi were, was like an open wound that never healed. Always there, and always hurting. Perhaps it would be better once the place was completely cleared out.

He knew he was lying to himself.

He continued to smoke, watching the cigarette grow shorter with ever puff. The breeze ruffled his hair, dragging strands across his eyes. He needed to get it cut again, it had grown back down to his collar and was constantly falling into his eyes. He supposed he could just grow it right out, let it become quite long and then tie it back. That would be easier to look after. It would be a very different look for him. He wondered what Mizuki would think of it if he did. Would his fans like him with longer hair? Probably. It would most likely make him look very different also. In fact, thinking about it, it would probably make him look a lot like a lighter version of Mika, just like Tatsuha was a darker version of himself at this time. Now, that would just be plain weird! However, perhaps the change would be worth it.

Maybe it was time for him to make other changes too. He stubbed out the finished cigarette and immediately reached for another. His hands were beginning to feel a little chilled, and the flickering warmth from the flame was welcome. He might even look at moving. He had been in this place for sometime and it was probably too big for him. He didn't need all the space now. Finding a place in Tokyo was never easy certainly, but maybe that was just the sort of change he needed; a complete change of scenery. It did seem a little drastic in one way, but at the same time it did make sense. It's not like he couldn't afford something else, and if he was downsizing it would no doubt be cheaper. He chewed his lip gently. Or if he didn't want to buy something else he supposed he could go home for a while, back to Kyoto and the temple. That would definitely be a change of scenery. He thought about it a moment longer then mentally shook his head. No, absolutely not! His father would drive him nuts!

He heaved a frustrated sigh and dropped the second finished cigarette to the ground, placing his shoe over the still smoking butt and grinding it out. A glint of silver near his foot made him reach down and pick up a discarded bottle top lying there. He tossed it aimlessly up and down in his hand, still thinking. Yeah, it was time for some changes in his life. Hairstyle, home life, location, he could do that. It was time to move on. He couldn't even make it sound convincing to himself, but he ignored the little voice telling him so.

Standing, he walked over to the railing, leaning on it and looking out over the city. It was a beautiful sight; the city lights shining and reflected in the water left by the rains. Shuichi had always liked to come here. He used to call it 'his park', as though he had some sort of exclusive rights to it or something. He had really thought of this place as a kind of Nirvana of inspiration for him! Yuki snorted out load. Stupid idiot! It was just a park! So, why did it have the same pull on him as it had seemed to on Shuichi?

Yuki's hand clenched tightly around the bottle top still in his hand. Why could he not stop thinking about him! He had thought he was getting better, some days only thinking of him a hundred times, instead of every single minute in the day. No matter how hard he tried, thoughts of Shuichi invaded his mind at every possible turn; even now. It was Shuichi this, Shuichi that and Shuichi everything else! His hands were squeezed tight into fists. Why couldn't he forget! There was no Shuichi anymore! He had to get over this! The edge of the bottle top was pressing into his skin, beginning to slice the tender flesh of his palm. He /would/ get over this! He would not be a slave to thoughts of Shuichi for the rest of his life! He would not go through that again! Not for anyone!

"DAMN YOU!" he screamed out suddenly, his cry cutting loudly through the silence, hurling the bottle top far into the night and losing sight of it immediately in the darkness. "Damn you, Shuichi!" he murmured more softly, as he slumped in defeat against the rail, head dropping to rest on his folded arms. The ghost of a chuckle escaped his lips. Oh, yes, this behaviour really showed just how 'over it' he was, didn't it! Who was he kidding? He was truly pathetic!

He straightened up, feeling his eyes aching. A sudden gust of wind whipped around his body, making him shiver. It was definitely getting colder. He really should go home soon or he was liable to catch a chill and he hated being sick. He pushed his hands into the pockets of his coat, trying to warm them up. One hand closed around something small, fingers feeling the crinkling of paper under them. He froze. He knew what it was, although in some ways he had forgotten it. Yet at the same time, it had never truly left his thoughts. He had been carrying it with him for so long now, for so many months, it had become like some sort of talisman. Every day it had given him hope. False hope, as it turned out. Now, it was just another thing from a past that he was trying to escape.

Slowly, he drew his hand out, still clutching the object. He unfolded the layers of papers gently to gaze down at the hidden treasure that lay there in the palm of his hand. Such a small thing. Such a small thing to mean so much.

A torn piece of the paper was caught by the wind as it gusted around him again, sending it fluttering out of his hand. He turned his head to track its path, watching as it was tossed heedlessly on the wind this way and that before it settled to the ground - at the feet of a figure standing there in the shadows cast by the park lights, no more than a dark silhouette in the night.

It seemed to Yuki that the world suddenly took on the quality of a dream. He could still hear the faint hum of traffic, the other sounds of the city. He could still smell that clean freshness in the air after a fall of rain, he could still feel the dampness from his wet coat. Yet, somehow, it seemed like none of it was truly real.

The figure bent down, picking up the paper lying there pressed up against a shoe, before straightening once more. The shadowy silhouette seemed to look at that piece of whiteness intently for a moment although Yuki knew that there was nothing interesting about it. It was nothing more than a blank piece of tissue paper that had been used as wrapping, nothing more. What could be so interesting about that?

Yuki felt his heart clench tightly as he watched these actions played out before him. Every motion was like a stab through his heart. He could vividly remember a similar event, one from long ago. Their first meeting; the first time he had met Shuichi. It had been just like this. Right here in this park. It had been the start of everything, the start of his life. His throat tightened with tears that were bursting to be released.

"Zero," the voice drifted on the night to him. "You've got zero talent."

The words struck Yuki straight to the bottom of his soul with pain and fear. How? How could anyone have known that is what he had said? No-one had been here that night - it had just been the two of them! Why would anyone try and torment him like this! Then his racing thoughts calmed as he realized he knew that voice. That voice was as familiar to him as his own. His thoughts came to a sudden halt as they struggled to grasp what was happening. Now he was looking more closely he could recognize that shadowy figure, it was no longer just an unknown blob of darkness. He could now tell that the figure was the well-known slight form that belonged to Shuichi. Shuichi was here, standing right here. Yuki's heart began to race. He remembered! Shuichi remembered those words, those very first words that Yuki had ever said to him! He remembered and was saying them!

Yuki didn't realize he was quietly weeping. He didn't feel the tears on his face, drying almost immediately with the wind as he stood there with his heart pounding painfully in his chest. Feelings of joy and pain were intermingled; joy that the youth remembered that first moment together. Pain, for the remembered harshness of those words; and following close behind, fear, that Shuichi remembered nothing more. Yet, still he felt so happy that he remembered even that much. It was a bitter sweetness.

Yuki watched as Shuichi walked slowly towards him until he was standing directly in front, stopping to look up into his face. A gentle smile touched his lips as he gazed up at him.

"Hi, Yuki. It's been a while."

Yuki couldn't speak. He just continued to look down into that beautiful face. He wanted so much to reach out and hold him but he didn't dare move. He had no right to touch him anymore. He had lost that chance, thrown it away. He hadn't treated it as the precious gift that it had been and now it had been stolen from him, and no matter how much he yearned for it he no longer had the right to try and selfishly hold onto it against its will. He kept his hands clenched at his sides to prevent his arms from wrapping around that body and holding it tight in his embrace. Instead he watched as Shuichi turned away from him and took a couple of steps to the railing, looking out over the city as he had been doing previously.

"It's been a long time since I've seen this view," Shuichi said, gazing at the glittering scene in front of him. "It truly is a beautiful sight. I remember that I used to spend a lot of time here; thinking, writing songs, crying, all sorts of times. I always thought of this place as being mine. I've had the best times, and some of the worst times, right here in this park, but the time I think it looked the most beautiful, was that first time," He looked back at Yuki who still stood where he was silently. "The first time I met you."

Yuki's heart leapt in his chest, not daring to hope, to believe what he was hearing. Was Shuichi saying that he could remember more? Did he remember anything else? Did he know now just how much he meant to Yuki?

Shuichi turned his back on the city lights so he was facing Yuki directly. "I'd been having these funny flashes in my mind ever since the accident. All the time I was in America I had them. The doctors couldn't really tell me much about them or why I was having them because they didn't really seem to be about me, but about someone else. I seemed to always be thinking of someone else and all the things they did, but I couldn't remember anything about myself, which was pretty weird.

"Then, much later, I realized they were about someone else, someone I obviously knew. You; I could remember more about you and things to do with you, Yuki, than I could about myself, but I didn't realize it was you I was remembering at that time. Things were still pretty hazy back then and really confusing for me." Shuichi pushed his hands into the pockets of his sweat pants, hunching his shoulders. "I just tried to get along as best I could at that time. That was all that was really important to me then. Just to be alive was enough.

"You know, that first time I saw you in Quebec I felt like my heart was going to burst. I had to stop myself running and throwing myself into your arms, it was this completely gut reaction. I had no idea why I was thinking or feeling like that when I didn't even know who the hell you were! It was pretty damn scary. I didn't know what was going on, or why I was feeling these things, and everything felt all jumbled up inside. Both inside my head, and inside my heart. I felt like I was fighting with myself all the time and it was damn exhausting. It seemed like I was getting pulled in so many different directions all at once and I just couldn't make any sense out of any of it.

"I had always felt that I was looking for something, or waiting for someone after waking up in the hospital. I just had this absolute conviction that there was something or someone that either I had to find, or they had to find me." Shuichi threw a half smile over to Yuki. "I'm probably not making a lot of sense with any of this, but it's the only way I can think of to explain it to you. I had thought that being with Annette was the answer; that she would give me what I was looking for so I was really happy to meet her.

"Then I met you. Every day after that night was harder and harder for me; harder for me to be over there, harder for me to continue my life as if nothing had changed. Harder for me to be with Annette. I soon realized that I was deliberately trying to avoid her and I didn't know why. I still cared about her, I really did. That hadn't changed. But somehow it just felt…wrong all of a sudden. When I was due to come back to Japan, well, I asked her not to come with me then, although not in so many words. She really couldn't at that time anyway, but I probably played on that a bit. I kind of pretended that I wanted her to come straight away, when all the time I guessed that she wouldn't be able to." Shuichi had the grace to look a little guilty. "I tried staying in touch once I came back here, but every time I spoke to her I felt like I was cheating on her, or leading her on in someway. I found it harder and harder to talk to her, and I kept making up excuses of why I couldn't call her as often as I had. I felt awful for doing that to her, but I just couldn't help it. I couldn't even tell her why I was doing this because I didn't even know myself!"

He reached up and pushed his hair away from his eyes. "Not long ago I called her to talk about a few things. With all the different stuff I was remembering about my life before there was a lot she needed to know about. We spent more than three hours on the phone. It was the longest we had talked for since I had come back, and it felt good to be able to talk to her like that again. It was almost like old times." Shuichi's smile was warm as Yuki listened to him speak about his girlfriend and he felt his heart begin to shrivel with jealousy, and envy.

"After that conversation we came to an understanding."

This is it, Yuki thought. This is where he tells me he's getting married or something. I can't stand this! I don't want to hear it!

"We broke up that night."

Yuki blinked in disbelief, not believing he had heard right. They…broke up? He had just said how well they were getting along! What's going on!

Shuichi continued, "I just couldn't go on pretending that everything was the same because it wasn't. I felt so bad for hurting her, but in some ways she didn't seem that surprised." He looked directly at Yuki with a small sad smile. "She really is a wonderful person, and she did so much for me. She really accepted me for just who I was, even if I didn't have a real name. She meant a lot to me. She still does." He shrugged then, "But that didn't change what I was feeling now."

Shuichi tilted his head back to gaze up at the stars, the familiar gesture dragging at Yuki's heart.

"Since getting back to Japan, things have started coming back to me more and more. It's not like a thunderbolt or a great flood of memories most of the time. Usually it's more like little dribbles of information. I see something or someone, or go somewhere, and suddenly I'll have a memory back. It's been a little confusing at times because it feels a bit like a jigsaw puzzle, trying to fit the pieces together in the right order to make the whole picture. Some of it's not been particularly nice either." Yuki saw Shuichi grimace and a shudder shake his slight form. He wondered just which memory he was referring to. He hoped it wasn't something to do with him.

"I know I haven't got it all back yet, and perhaps I never will. I still feel that sometimes I'm trying to live the life of a stranger, that it's not really me at all. Sometimes I think 'Shu Chan' is still inside here," and he placed a hand over his heart for a moment. "But I also know that I am Shuichi Shindou, and I always have been. I have so much of my memory back now. I can remember a lot of things about 'Bad Luck', my family, my friends, school, ..." He dropped his head to look back at Yuki, his voice softening. "You," The intense look on Shuichi's face made Yuki's heart clench as the youth continued, "And us."

Yuki remained silent, not knowing what to say. Could this be true? Was he just dreaming all this? This was almost beyond belief! This was all he had hoped for all along! It couldn't be real! Miracles don't happen! Yet, Shuichi was still standing before him, leaning back on the rail casually, hair whipping in the wind as it rushed past them both. There was Shuichi saying that he could remember them now. That he not only remembered their relationship, but that he had broken up with his girlfriend as well! Did this mean what he hoped it did? Had Shuichi come back to him?

"We had some….difficult times, didn't we?" Shuichi spoke quietly again, focusing Yuki's attention back on him. "You were pretty….harsh. And rough sometimes."

Yuki's heart plummeted. Shuichi was looking over at him with an expressionless face and he felt his chest tighten painfully. No, he had been right. Miracles don't happen. It was just as he had feared all along. Shuichi only remembered the hard times they had had, how difficult it had been for them, all the times that Yuki had been cruel and heartless and hurt him. And there had been plenty of those, right from the start. Back then, he had always been amazed that Shuichi had stayed with him. That the youth had persevered through it all to finally reach the point where they could both admit completely honestly just how much they cared for each other, far beyond anyone else. But that all came much, much later. Shuichi was obviously speaking of before then. Before Yuki could call himself a human being and not a monster. He had failed Shuichi back then so many times. He felt like he was going to throw up from the churning in his stomach. He should have tried so much harder!

Yuki clamped down on the rising sobs that were threatening to burst from him, gritting his teeth and swallowing before speaking. "Things….weren't easy." he admitted clumsily, not knowing what else he could even say. There was no point lying about it. He had been a complete bastard back then. What more could be said?

"Hmm," Shuichi responded, remaining where he was at the railing.

"Don't worry," Yuki said around the tears that threatened to close his throat. "It's not like you have to worry about it any more. That's over with now. I'm…glad you're doing better." He turned abruptly to walk away, trying to hide the tears that were streaking his face. He wouldn't break down in front of Shuichi! If he did, he knew he would just collapse where he stood and never get up again but remain curled up in a ball at the youth's feet and wish for death. His steps quickened. Oh, how he had to get away! It hurt too damn much to be so close to him!

"Eiri," Shuichi's voice carried on the wind to him stopping him dead in his tracks as surely as if he had be grabbed.

He….had called him by his name! Shuichi had called him by his name! Yuki just stood where he was, unmoving. He couldn't move. He couldn't go forward, yet he couldn't turn around. He was too afraid to face the younger man. Too afraid of what he might see.

"Eiri," Shuichi repeated.

Still Yuki didn't turn. He just couldn't. He was holding his breath, waiting, waiting for something although he had no idea of what. He felt like a man awaiting his execution, waiting for the blade to fall and finally just end everything.

"I love you."

The words drifted with the wind, carrying clearly across the distance separating them. He had heard those words before spoken by that voice. He knew what they sounded like, but this time…this time they were different, so very different. Could he really have heard it? Was this real?

Yuki couldn't breathe. He felt like he was starved of oxygen, drowning in the relief and joy that was filling his heart in a way that he had never felt before. His hands were clenched at his side, every muscle rigid, trying desperately to hold himself together. He couldn't move, he was afraid to move for fear of breaking this spell, and finding that it was all nothing but a dream. Terrified that he would wake up and it would all be gone, leaving him once again with nothing. He couldn't bear it if that were to happen! He couldn't bear it again!

Shuichi watched Yuki from where he stood by the railing, waiting for the man to turn around, to say something, to do something, anything! He hadn't intended to say those words. It wasn't something that he had planned or thought about, but when Yuki had turned away from him, when he had begun to walk away into the darkness, a wave of fear had swept over him almost as if it were trying to drown him on the spot. He had simply reacted then, and said the first thing that came to mind. And it was those three words. He could remember all the other times he had said those words before to this very man. He could remember all the derogatory comments that used to be all the response he would get - but he could also remember how later, the response to those words was the same ones that he had spoken. Those words were all that he had to give Yuki now.

He had spent a long time on the phone to Tohma, listening to everything the other man had told him. It had seemed that Tohma couldn't wait to tell him everything for once he started to talk he didn't seem to be able to stop until it had all been said. Shuichi found that he didn't need to ask half the questions that he had thought of because Tohma answered them without them being voiced.

He had listened in astonishment, and sometimes disbelief, as the whole story came out from the moment that Tohma had received Yuki's call on that fateful night, up to this very evening. He could hardly match up his Yuki, the one in his memories, to the one who had traveled across the globe, sat at the bedside of a dying stranger, had brawls in alleys in New York and befriend two detectives and a FBI agent, and combed the clubs of Quebec City, all just to find him. Why had Yuki gone to such extremes? He would never have thought he would do something like that for him. He was sure he would have given up long before Yuki had. He was sure he would have just thought it was too hard, or left it to the authorities. But Yuki hadn't. He had gone there and done it all himself, against all the odds. Shuichi didn't know what to think or feel about that.

He listened in shock and growing horror as Tohma told him off Yuki's bouts in hospital; the first in New York that he had heard about too late, and then the later ones here in Japan. He felt relief in knowing that it had actually been Yuki he had seen at the club and not a product of his over-active imagination, but felt his heart stop when Tohma told of Yuki's accident that night. A flood of relief eased his mind when Tohma assured him that Yuki was okay and suffered no more than slight injuries.

After he had heard everything there was to hear he had thanked Tohma for finally telling him the truth, apologizing for disturbing him. As he was preparing to hang up he heard Tohma's last words, "He needs you, Shindou. He needs you more than you or he knows." And with that Tohma cut the connection.

Shuichi had stood there for a moment longer just looking at the phone, thinking about those last words. Tohma had sounded so certain, and when Tohma was certain it usually meant it was true. That's it, he thought decisively. He would go and see Yuki and sort this out now!

He flagged a cab down and gave the driver directions to his old home. He paid the fare and raced inside, reaching the familiar door in record time. He knocked on the door furiously and waited impatiently. There was no response. He knocked again, calling out at the top of his lungs, "Yuki!", but still no answer. Damn it, where the hell was the man!

He frowned, not knowing what to do now. He had no way of knowing where Yuki was, and obviously Tohma didn't know or he would have said something, of that Shuichi was certain. Damn! He had wanted to see him. He felt tears pricking at his eyes and scrubbed an arm across them, wiping away the building moisture. There was no point crying about it, he told himself angrily, sniffing. He turned away from the door and with slumped shoulders made his way back outside.

Damn it, damn it, damn it! he cursed himself, the world and everything and everyone in it, including Yuki above all else! Why couldn't anything ever run smoothly for them? All he had wanted to do was to see Yuki tonight. Why was that so damn hard to do!

He sniffed again, feeling a tear trickled down his cheek. He wiped his face clear again in anger. Stop being a crybaby! He scolded himself. All you ever do is cry! But I want to see Yuki! his inner voice wailed despairingly. He tried to ignore it.

His slow steps had led him to a place that he remembered all too well now. The trees were a familiar sight and it brought back so many different memories. He made his way along the familiar paths, heading towards his favourite place. He had stopped suddenly when he could see someone else standing there. At first he had felt anger. How dare someone be in his spot! Then he felt himself go cold all over, before a flush of heat flooded through him immediately after. He knew that person.

He had watched Yuki standing there, looking at something in his hand. He saw the piece of paper blowing towards him and watched as Yuki turned his head to follow its path. He looked down at the fluttering remnant at his feet and couldn't resist picking it up. There was nothing on it, but it brought a smile to his lips as it reminded him of another incident and he couldn't help saying those words.

That had led him to this point; standing here waiting for Yuki to say something. To respond to him in some way, even if it was to yell at him and call him a moron and tell him to get lost. All he wanted was some sort of indication that he was even important enough to the man to warrant a response of any kind!

Still he waited, wondering what Yuki was thinking. He didn't turn around to face him and he was beginning to feel his fear grow. Did Yuki not love him any longer? Did he not want to be with him any more? Is that why he wasn't saying anything? Was he so angry with him for not remembering their relationship that he wanted nothing more to do with him? He hadn't deliberately tried to forget Yuki; he was sure he hadn't! He didn't know why his relationship with Yuki seemed to be the last thing for him to remember. He wished it was the first thing now! Was Yuki that angry about the fact that he had cheated on him with Annette? He hadn't meant to, he really hadn't! He truly didn't remember Yuki or he would never have done it! And he felt just as bad for being in a relationship with Annette when all the time, deep in his heart, he had been in love with someone else. That had hardly been fair to Annette! He knew he loved Yuki, in every fibre of his body he knew that! He only wanted to be with Yuki!

He felt the fear continue to increase inside, churning his stomach, clawing at the back of his throat, making it hard for him to swallow. His eyes were beginning to burn as tears threatened to come. What could he do! He couldn't bear it if he lost Yuki now! Not when he had finally remembered so much, not when he finally had those memories back! He might not have every little piece back yet, he realized that, but he had so many important ones now! Yes, there were some things that he remembered that he didn't particularly like about their relationship. He was also sure there were worse ones hidden in the back of his brain and he was a little scared of finally facing those, but even with these gaps in his memories, even with the fear and uncertainty that was there, he didn't want Yuki to leave him! He could face all those memories, no matter what they were, no matter how bad they were. He could face them if Yuki was with him! It had felt like coming home to finally have the memories of their relationship back, a huge relief at finally finding himself. It explained so much of what he had been feeling for so long, feelings that he had struggled to make sense of. They, above all the other memories, meant the most to him and he couldn't bear to lose them now!

He could stand it no longer and quickly moved forward, walking to in front of Yuki and standing his ground. He had to make certain that Yuki wouldn't walk away from him this time. He would stand in front of the man so the only way he could leave would be to walk over the top of him, and even then Shuichi would cling to his ankles so he would be dragged along! He would not let Yuki leave him ever again!

However, when he was standing in front of the other man, he was surprised to see a single tear slip from the corner of one eye and slowly trail down Yuki's face, tears that then began to fall one after the other. Shuichi's heart broke at the lost look on his lover's face, at the pain and fear clearly reflected there. Any last vestiges of anger that he may have felt at Yuki's deception, disappeared.

He stepped closer, reaching up and with a gentle hand wiped the tears away from one cheek. "Don't cry, Eiri," he whispered. "Please don't. Aren't you happy?"

"Yes," Yuki raggedly said, voice breaking. "Yes, I am."

Shuichi's heart leapt with relief and joy at this simple reply. "Want a tissue?" he said impishly with a grin.

Shuichi was smiling up at him, looking just as he always had. Yuki's heart swelled with happiness. "No," he said, looking down at that wonderful face, then added softly, lovingly. "Brat,"

"Jerk," Shuichi fired back with a smirk.

"Idiot!" Yuki retorted, feeling happy at this bizarre interchange.

"Dumbass!" Shuichi added, not to be outdone.

Yuki wracked his brain for something else to say and came up with one of his favourites, "Moron!" He had to fight the insane urge to stick his tongue out at the youth like a six year old at getting the last word in. He restrained the impulse. He would not be reduced to that level!

"Feel better?" Shuichi asked, grinning.

"Yeah, guess so. You always were a pain."

"You bet!" Shuichi agreed with no sign of remorse over Yuki's assessment. "And you always were a grumpy bastard!"

Yuki sniffed in disagreement but didn't say anything, just taking the time to gaze down at the face before him. He could see the slight imperfection where Shuichi had suffered a broken cheek bone, but he didn't think it detracted in any way from his beauty. It was just another thing about Shuichi that he wanted to learn about, to know in every detail.

Shuichi lifted his hand to Yuki's cheek again, cupping the side of his face. "I know about what you did for me. How long you looked for me, all that you did. Tohma told me everything."

"Did he?" Yuki didn't have the energy to be angry with his brother-in-law for breaking his word. At this moment, with Shuichi standing before him and his heart full of happiness, he could forgive even Tohma.

"It couldn't have been easy but you never gave up, did you? Why not?"

"Knew you were out there somewhere," Yuki said brokenly, not trusting his voice. His emotions were feeling very fragile just now and he didn't want to break down completely in front of his young partner, because if he did he didn't think he would be able to stop bawling. He still had some semblance of pride. "Knew you wouldn't have left me."

Shuichi smiled a little, tipping his head to one side, even as his thumb gently stroked Yuki's cheek. "That's a bit conceited of you, isn't it? I might have, you know."

Yuki shrugged not saying anything. Perhaps it was, but it was all that had kept him going through all those months of not knowing.

"What made you so sure?" Shuichi pressed. "You didn't know where I was, or what you would find. How did you know that I would come back? How did you know that I would remember one day?"

"Because…." Yuki held up his hand.

It had been on complete impulse when he had had Tohma stop on the way to the airport on that fateful day; the day he had thought he'd lost Shuichi; the day his search had begun. It had been so long ago. He had clung to this one thought through it all; every day, every hour, all this time.

The object that he had been looking at earlier before Shuichi's arrival dropped downwards with a glitter of gold, swinging from side to side like a pendulum, as Yuki held it from his fingertips.

Shuichi reached out and cupped the pendant, halting its motion. Two charms hung suspended from the chain; one was a heart and one was a key. He looked up at Yuki with tears of love and joy in his eyes.

"Because…" Yuki said in a voice thick with emotion, leaving Shuichi in no doubt of the depth of his feelings. "You are the key to my heart."

-End-

**Final Authors Note**: What can I say? Deep down, I must be a hopeless romantic! (Shhh! Don't tell anyone!)

**Just for my own information – I would be curious to find out which chapters / events / characters readers liked the best (or the worst!), if anyone would care to tell me! **


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